Naima B. Robert – TMC E2 @MARYAMSHEIKHLEMU on Commitment And Being Deliberate in Marriage
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The speaker discusses the benefits of making a commitment to a relationship, including the ripple effect of it on one's personal and family relationships. They also mention the importance of being conscious of one's actions and not recalling them. The speaker emphasizes the need for everyone to have a mindset and be conscious of their emotions to avoid negative consequences.
AI: Summary ©
Right, where really what we know is that this is a journey. And you
know, everyone's journey, you know, might look quite different.
But I think what your story shows, and certainly what the other
stories that I'm thinking of show is that if you've made a
commitment, and I keep using this word, guys, and everybody who's
watching this has been watching these conversations, you'll hear
this word coming up again and again and again, from Imams from
therapists, from counselors from married couples, it's about the
commitment is what makes the difference. It's not even, you
know, the fields or how cute you are together, which of course you
are. Mashallah, you know, it's not about the inlaws. It's not about
anyone else, it's the commitment, are you committed to making work.
Because if you are committed to making it work, then you could
actually go through six years of, you know, pretty yucky stuff, get
over that hump, and find each other again, SubhanAllah. Yeah, I
will never, we never stopped praying to Allah to show us the
way to guide us. And one thing I would like parents or husbands and
wives, never to forget is if you commit, you will make the effort
you put in the time, you know, and the sweat Wallahi, you don't only
have, I may end up with a happy marriage, you give your children
the tools to have happy marriages themselves. So the benefit keeps
is it has a ripple effect. And hopefully your children will pass
that on to their grandchildren. So wherever, wherever you are, you're
getting very worried that from that behavior, that relationship
that you created, that environment, that culture that is
unique to you, you've passed on to your children they've passed on to
their children who have passed on to their children's
ward is endless. Yeah, and I think this thing about being deliberate,
having the right mindset, and being committed, I think those
three words are so important, you know, having a nominee for life
mindset.
In the big picture being so deliberate, whether it's as a
couple, whether it is being so intentional, you know, in every
effort you put in, you are conscious of why you're doing
this, and what you're hoping to achieve. And even in parenting the
same thing. Like we were deliberate in making sure our
children not only saw what a relationship is meant to look
like, but we also gave them the good, the bad, and the ugly truth
about it. Because like I went in with the unrealistic expectations,
I don't want to recycle that. So we talk about, they've never seen
us fight, but we tell them we fight we have misunderstandings.
But because we care so much we we fight to make it work. And they're
aware of that. And they talk about how eager they are to get married.
Our oldest son called him a few months ago, yeah, a couple of
months ago to just say, thank you, for raising me to respect respect
women, and treat them well with dignity. And he couldn't have seen
that with, you know, he couldn't see that without having seen it
being done. And watching his father, not just see it, but do
it, you know, we raise the boys to pick up after themselves. And cook
both of them are amazing cooks. And to know that we raise them
telling them from a young age, if you don't learn to cook, you're
not going to find a wife who's going to marry you, you're gonna
have to go to the edge, you know.
Unlike the way we raise our daughters today, if you don't
learn to cook, you're not gonna get a husband, we did that with
the boys. You know, you don't pick up after yourself, you know, a
woman is gonna want to marry a slob. And they hear that growing
up. But you know, it's the flip side of what we girls have been
taught all our lives. And today, they they wash the toilets on
their own, they pick up out themselves, they wash their
clothes, I and they do not expect a woman to do that for them. Even
in the house, we've got two households, they're female, but
they take their plates themselves, you know, clear the table, they
clean their rooms and so on. So these are the things that it's all
about being deliberate, conscious, intentional in every aspect, and
having the mindset and, you know, keeping keep your eye on the
target and never forgetting what's the name of the legacy. The
legacy? Exactly, yes. And we're always passing on the baton to the
next generation not a goal. So what are you doing? I always ask
couples when I do my parenting course. Are you okay with your
children replicating in their homes with their spouse or their
children? What they are seeing right now?
Yeah, are you okay with that?
And
That's it because we could be cold if I passed away today. Well, this
unit you know, what we have today is over, you'll have to start all
over or vice versa. So what did our children witness up until that
point? Are we okay with that? You know, I often think about it
because he and I travel a lot and I picture okay, if Allah calls us
both home today, are we fine with what we've taught them? Are we
okay, going before our maker and saying whether we feel we've
handed on the back of bus on the back the right way? And are they
ready and that Hamdulillah I think, you know, we know the
inshallah they will be okay understand where their weaknesses
are. They understand they're also a work in progress. Now, once we
will know that, yes. And I love the fact that like, we raise the
boys to be very expressive because he's expressive. He talks he if he
said, he says it, you know, he doesn't The Boys Don't Cry thing.
No, I see him cry. And they see me comfort that that so they know
vulnerabilities healthy. You know, it's good for your health to open
up and see what's going on in your guts. So I love that the boys
learn that from the man in their life, that it's fine to express
how you feel. It's not a weakness, it's not a weakness.
You develop a habit, you become dependent, whether become
addiction or whatever.
To be tough. Yeah, I want to be macho. And then sometimes we take
our frustrations out.
Exactly, because we're not able to deal with those frustrations. So
we're teaching them that's not the way to go. Express seek support,
heal. And don't take your frustrations out on your loved
ones. I mean, I mean