Naima B. Robert – The {VIRTUAL} Salon Raising Black Muslim Children Pt 2
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Even though my children are among a diverse population, and it is
martial art beautiful to see a Muslim community,
they're still a minority when it comes to that. So it is really
upon yourself to take that ownership of your children's
education and, and build that foundation from the start so that
they can in in the future, be able to take those actions that brother
Boehner has mentioned, to create safe spaces and things like that,
I think initially, for me, it's important to create a safe space
for them to safeguard their blackness because it's being
attacked in both sides. So that's it's for me to raise children that
is that understand that. And then I believe that if we are able to
do that, then we're able to send children out there that understand
the need for diversity and inclusion in all spaces,
especially when it comes to our religious spaces. But if we don't
do that, and safeguard their their emotion and their mental wellness,
by protecting their blackness and their identity from the start, it
will be very difficult for them to go ahead and you know, do the
things that we have mentioned.
In my household, we have black, you know, dolls I haven't tolerate
here. I mean, making sure that, you know, my daughters, they have
to see themselves, whether it be in the books, whether it be in the
in the toys, in every single thing that we introduce, making sure
that they are featured. And they are celebrated. And this is the
reason why I chose to write Muslim children's books that have African
features, they have to have African features, because the
other ones don't.
Now 100%. And I think just to your point about, you know, the
embracing their blackness and kind of cultivating that, because,
again, you know, brother, Michael, and I were from the same country,
we're from Zimbabwe, I grew up in Africa. And I know that that's a
different, I know that we are privileged, those of us who've
grown up in Africa, we have that privilege of having seen it
differently, have having had lived a different experience. I'm sure
anyone who's in here, listening who's watching this, who grew up
in Africa, you know, that the experience that we had of growing
up at home, is completely different from people in the
diaspora. But obviously, when you come to the diaspora now, you are
just black. Okay, that's it. And with all the labeling on top of
that, and so I I know with that with some Muslims, the way you're
speaking, my rubbed them the wrong way. What do you mean, hold on to
your blackness? Like, what what's this about? This is racist, you
know, like, who cares about blackness, it's about being
Muslim, Islam comes first Muslim is the most important identity.
And so guys, I want to speak to that. But something that you said
made me made me, sister said, I didn't know my blackness until I
came here. 100%. Right. But to speak to that point is I think a
lot of non Black Muslims fail to understand that your blackness is
it's you. You can never, you can never escape it. So to say to
somebody, your blackness doesn't matter. You know, your blackness
is not important. It's your Islamic identity. That's
important. And I've heard sisters saying who have mixed children,
saying, in my house, we don't talk about race, like there's no race
in our house. My children are Muslim first, and nothing else
matters. culture doesn't matter. Background doesn't matter. It's
all about Islam. What do you guys think about that? I want to jump
in here.
Yeah. So I feel like I feel like there's two, there's two stories
being told here. Okay. There is the story of the African American,
Afro Caribbean, African Indian people, and the story of
the processes that have migrated from Africa, and you know, have
come to you know, Canada, America, England. And I feel like even
though on the outside, everyone's looking in and thinking they're
all black people. It's a very different story. Because, um, you
know, I'm hearing like,
you know, learning about your, your, your African identity and
bringing it back to Islam and, you know, these sorts of things. But
for children who are coming from generation of living in the West,
it's so far removed. It's so far removed, and a lot of the times
it's their parents who have converted or you know, even older
people who converted themselves Islam. They are now
Um, you know, taking this on inside them, you know, for
themselves and because Islam is such a community religion, it's
also
other cultures of being thrust upon them right. And you're not
included in those other cultures causation or you know becoming
deci and the foods
with with the other black brothers and sisters if you're not included
in those other cultures like you're not Somali, you're not from
my kids. You're not Somali, you're not
Sudanese, you know, you're not Nigerian, which which Nigerian is
like, kind of on the lower end of the spectrum. You know? I mean,
Nigerians rock, I'm sorry, I've been UK, Nigeria is run things
like they just run everything. Click on the chat, guys. You guys
know in London, in the UK, Nigerians Muslims run everything.
That's it. That's all enough. But yeah.
You know, in Canada, that's not really the situation.
It's the Somalis. Okay, the Somalis are identified as the
Black Muslims in Canada, okay. You are not a Somali and you're a
black person, then you're not a Muslim.
Like, if I, if I went into a mosque, and I even if I wanted to
invest in my majority, brown life, and somebody was, oh, yeah, I
would say, Oh, I'm Somali, that's okay. Okay. Okay. You know, they
might still, you know, be prejudiced towards me to my skin
color, like, you know, friending being my friend, or, you know,
those kinds of things, I would still experienced that. But I
wouldn't experience the spiritual racism that happened, because it
wouldn't, they would think at least I know something about my
religion, there would be less correction of Islamic practice,
that I would have to endure, you know, because I'm Somalis. You
know, I'm from the most I'm from one of the Muslim, you know,
cultures that are in Canada, right. So, so there's this,
there's, there's that there's a, there's a big divide there. Right.
And
I don't know necessarily how it is in America. I mean, like I do
have, I do have relatives and friends who live in different
parts of America where, because there's, there's more of like a
segregation, I feel like the black people who go to lots of black, go
to mosque, or have communities that are more black,
densely populated as black people, there's more of a community
feeling, right? Black as in native black as an African American,
African American, sorry, African American, so it's more of like a
safe space there. But in Canada, there isn't, there isn't really
anything like that. So going to what Buddha was asking, like, you
know, black, you know, black only spaces are black, you know, Muslim
spaces, and then he's saying, we should, you know, come together, I
feel like in the end result, yes, that's definitely what what should
happen. I mean, me growing up here in Canada, and I had, like, a
handful of,
of Pakistani friends who used to come to my house and their parents
actually allowed them to come to my house, which is a big deal. But
it's probably because my dad was the man, that's probably
privileged Imams family privilege, but I did see the when, you know,
as they grew up, there be their prejudice and the racist notions
and stuff like that, that were, were being put up on them by their
parents, they, because they were our friends, they, they hung with
us, you don't I mean, they, they, they saw our nappy here, you know,
they were, they were, they were there with us, in our, in our
essence, and all our blackness, okay, so they, as they as they got
older, and how they're raising the children very, very different from
other people who, you know, what, around us, basically in the
community, but still has those notions in those ways. So I feel
like eventually it will happen because we're all blending
together and you know, Inshallah, we're going to break it down. But
I really feel like for Canada, it needs to be
the acceptance of the of the other black Muslim cultures, bringing in
the afro. Okay, bringing in the Caribbean bringing, you know,
bringing in the and uniting like that, before we can really do
anything about what's happening, like, you know, so we can we, we
can, you know, spread that to the rest of the Muslim community
really like, yeah, there's a big, there's a lot of chat, which we
can't even go into the chat guys, I'm going to tell you about this
chat thing. Inshallah, by the time we finish, I'm going to tell you
where we can make make this happen, because I know everybody
here has something to say and wants to speak and share their
views. What I will say is that,
you know, as we said about the generations of immigrants, first
generation immigrants, they are going to cling to their culture
and cling to their people and cling to their language and
they're going to want to go to a place where they are understood,
like we all want to be understood, right? Like we are now what second
generation most people here like second generation, and a lot of us
here I call us the OGS because we are
Whereas these millennial ones are the ones coming after were like
the OGS were like old 40s. And our 40s have been on the dean for
like, you know, some of us been active for about 20 years or so
much that Allah. So our identity is different from our parents
identity and our children's identity will be even more of a
melting pot, I think but coaches please jump in, because you've
been waiting very patiently and brother Michael, you're gonna just
have to unmute and jump in there and Sharla
Alright, a couple a
couple of things. Okay. Okay, we'll go back to what Brother
Boehner was talking about as far as the safe space. Totally believe
that should be safe space. Here's the thing, remind me of and by CO
wife and I were talking, we were talking about how Yeah, it is
different in America. Like we're hearing so many things where it's
like, okay, the UK says this, and Canada is here like this in
Canada. But seriously, here? No, it needs to be black safe space.
Yes. And when we think about and when we talk about black, we're
talking about black, you're black, you look like us, you're black, is
that? You know, and it was an interesting thing. When
the system sorry.
was talking about
the, when it came to? Where it's just like, if you're Somali or
it's like, you just look, it's like it's a totally different
thing. Yeah. And, and they're so well, you're not Somali or you're
not, you know, Nigerian, or you're not this so you're not included. A
lot of people from America don't know where they are from, like, we
don't know if our tribe is, you know, Nigerian, or this and that
and others. So that then goes to the point where it's like, like,
gonna go back to what Brother Michael was saying about knowing
your history and different things like that. But a lot of
a lot of young African Americans do not know what country Africa
they're from. So that being said, when we say black as black as like
black as black, we're all from Africa, or whatever the case may
be that we know for sure, right? We build on that, you know, we
build on this togetherness. When we talk about things being
inclusive, or being you know, non inclusive, or whatever the case
may be remind me of the sister who I don't know if she sister is
Muslim, but she's sisters black, she has a place and Costa Rica,
where she is these retreats. And it is where is black only, like
can't nobody you if you're white, you're not in CARICOM. And she
says, You can't go You can't. And the thing is, because she talks
about the systemic stress and the trauma and the things that we go
through this, like what,
just like what Rama was saying about. Now, she says it's from
both sides. And we're fighting for our blackness on both sides. So
when you're constantly going through that trauma and stress,
and I think you need a place where you can release where you can have
some type of relief, where you have people that are on your side
that have people who have dealt with what you're dealing with, or
at least I understand what you're where you're coming from, and not
pity you because it's like, oh, so sad for you. But it's like, okay,
I understand this, this is what we need, we're gonna lift each other
up, because that's what we need to do. By coagula. We're constantly
saying, you know, we need to do better, we need to do better, we
need to do better, we need to do better as a people we need to do
better as a community, we're blessed, you know, and it's, you
know, a lot of like, Buddha was talking about where, you know,
it's a fear of, you know, being so pulling where we're
just kind of cliquish, where a lot of the issues are coming from
being totally totally cliquish and saying, you know, instead of
stating
that we are all together in this and I had to pause for a second
because I read an article I forgot this lady's name, but she did a
book and she said she kept her and it was talking about the cousins.
Were how Africans talk about the African Americans as the cousins,
all the cousins are acting up again are what are the cousins
doing? And these type of things like that we as a people, we need
to stop this because we're talking about raising Muslim children or
raising children to be strong and their identity. We as adults, are
we as the parents are we as a people who they're looking up to
need to stop dividing ourselves because how can we teach them
something that we are not following as well? That part and
the black versus people of color? Because people say black and then
they start Devitt, you know, going off on other things on other
tangent because people of color just sounds more trendy. So you
know, you could be a person of color one day and then you can be
whatever else you are the other day, whether you are Egyptian or
interchange and why
Ever because when people when you're black, you're black is what
it is, is not one day on this. And the next day, I'm something
different. And we're constantly fighting the narrative, like when
it comes to we're fighting the narrative instead of creating and
teaching the narrative, teaching what it is. So when it comes to
this, hold on, just one second, I need you to save that again,
because I think that goes back to what we were talking about, about
control, and taking control of, you know, what it is that we want
our children to do, etc. So can you say that, again, about finding
a narrative? Yeah, we're constantly fighting the narrative
instead of creating and teaching the narrative. So the same thing
when it comes to in school where schools are saying that this is
what the history is, like we talked about earlier, where it's
like, okay, this slaves that and this is where you came from? It's
like, it makes the it does make the generations who don't know the
history or who are not, to not be proud of where they came from. So
they're like, Okay, I don't want to be there. So yeah, I'm 1/8. And
you know, this, the people that say, Well, I got Indian in my
family, because it's, that's actually a thing in America,
very American thing.
Where is I want to be something else other than black. So you're
always putting where I'm part of this, I'm part of that, in part
this. And it's not only to be inclusive, and to include your
other cultures, is to actually say, Well, I'm not just black. So
I'm this too. So make sure that, you know, you see this part, not
my blackness, I think it was definitely on the cards to have a
conversation about not just interracial marriage, but also,
you know, multi racial children, of which we have many now in the
OMA certainly, my generation, our generation has probably been
responsible for, you know, the largest number of mixed race
children in the Muslim world, except for maybe to go back to the
maybe Abbasids, or something like that. I don't know, maybe the
Moors in Spain? I'm not sure. But you know, we have we've we've our
generation specifically have intermarried at a huge rate. So we
will be having another conversation about that, because
some people have brought it up in the chat.
You know,
they asked about, they said something about prejudice and
childhood, because any of us talk about that. The interesting thing
is when I could think as far back as prejudice, and my childhood, it
was from my own and from people that look just like me. And as a
we need to do better. And, you know, teach our children how to be
helpful and inclusive when it comes to people who are like us
who look like instead of tearing people down, or to build
themselves up, because the narrative is that we aren't good
enough. So I'm good enough. But you know, you're not this way, or
you're this way. So we got to be, we just definitely got to do
better on that. And it's like I said, that basically controlling
that narrative. And
yeah, I think about that control 100 to say something really
quickly, two quick things.
My daughter went to a
she went to college, and there's a black advisor there. The black
advisor got in trouble. And the, what did they call the Dean
reprimanded her? And she said, you know, you gotta not be so, you
know, militant or, you know, try to tone it down. She said, I don't
want you to mistake something. I'm here for the black students. And
she said, Well, how are you going to be an all girl college here
just for the Black Swan? She said, Because the white she said, I'm
here for the Black and Brown students, because the white
students, have you all these women don't have anybody on this campus
for them was a Catholic College. And also, I recall, years ago, my
aunt told me something. I've never been to New York.
I don't really have a desire to ever go there. But she had been
there. And she said, You know what they call us black people in New
York. And I said, what I'm thinking, you know, they call us
nigger like, they call us that all over this country? She said, No,
they call us Mondays among each other. And I said Mondays, she
said, Yeah, because nobody likes Mondays. So they'll say the
Monday. There's so many Mondays, don't you hate Mondays? They have
these cold words. In this country, we have to it's interesting that
we have to try twice as hard and learn as as we have to learn all
these different insults and these, you know, these cold ways of
speaking to educate our children on those things to know when
they're being insulted.
Because it's not, it's not so out there and so up in your face. It's
very subtle some time.
But did you want to speak to that? You gave one a song, something to
laugh about there? Yeah. No, it's funny. I've been to New York a few
times. I heard that phrase. It's something that it's not just in
New York actually. It's it's all over our heads and more of like a
East Coast term. But I wanted to say something and I didn't want to
jump
queue. But
you know, the the and I want to go back to this point again, and I
was reading the chat box about this notion of spaces. And I think
this is an important point, I don't want to lose focus and
momentum on it.
Oftentimes, when we think about black spaces,
I don't want these and I love this concept. And I love this notion of
black spaces. But I don't want these spaces to remove our
individual identities and our backgrounds and our experiences
and our struggles. In the end, I have one of the maybe I'm one of
the few people that's I traveled a lot. And I've been to the US, and
I've done a lot of work in the UK. And so I have good experiences and
can relate to a lot of the different nuances that you eat,
you're talking about in your own respective countries. In the US,
for example, you know, you have the African American population,
which is distinct from in Canada, where you have a major East
African population that is the majority of black people. So and
in the US, I've been to many, just African American massages, and
it's a beautiful thing. But you wouldn't see that normally, in the
UK or in Canada, that that phenomenon doesn't exist where
there are African American or African Canadian or whatever,
those particular spaces. And I my own fear is that we would take
that experience of African Americans, and we would bring them
to an East African space, and we would remove their experiences,
their culture, their history, mind you, us in the West, our entire
our entire identity as black people is based upon the African
American experience. I mean, we would not be basically because we
No, no, no, I'm saying that we would not be even in this country
if it wasn't for African American people, right? If it wasn't for
the struggle for the sacrifice of these luminaries, people who paved
the way for us, the African American struggle, paved the way
for all immigrant groups to emigrate to the United States to
Canada, anywhere around the world. Black Liberation, Malcolm X,
Martin Luther King, these were moments in history that
enlightened the entire world. So I would want any African American
child to not lose that to feel like that is a part of their
identity to feel like, wow, we are from we love black music, we'll
and when we say black, we mean African American, we love black
culture, we love African American tastes, and entertainment, all
these things we take from them our style, the way we dress, the way
we talk. But it's like African American history for us sometimes
become something that we want to minimize, and we think about
slaves, we think about all these things, and that becomes the part
that people don't want to inherit. And that's why you find many black
children, African American children, they may want, they may
not want to associate with that. But I think as a community, we
need to embrace the diversity in our black experiences, right, that
are being black, in my space and time is different sister and I
grew up in Africa, I didn't grew up in Africa, right, it would be
naive to assume that our experiences are the same, they're
very different. They're very unique. I grew up as an immigrant
child, who could not speak to my parents in their own native
language, you know, awkward. That is, that's a completely different
world, that many people will not be able to relate with, right. So
the problem I have with quote, unquote, black spaces, is that
they are often missing of these new ones, they completely missed
the mark on these nuances. We're not all the same, but we're all
beautiful. And our beauty is in our collective
experiences is what makes us beautiful, right? And you have
black people in, in the you have black people. First of all, all
over the world. It's not even just relating to, you know, where we
are, you have African American people, you have Afro Latino
people, you have people from all around the world who identify with
our similar struggles and strengths. So I think as a
community as Muslims, we need to embrace this idea that all
cultures have something of value, all cultures have some beauty
within them. And that's what truly makes up the the beauty of Benny
Adams. We're all from one, but we're all from one creation,
right? But I don't want to create a space where I feel like this,
I'm just doing this for some controversy. And I want people to
start thinking and talking aloud because I don't want to create a
space where I feel like I don't I cannot.
I cannot accept the the contributions of the African
American people or the African Canadian in Canada alone. Again,
we're based upon the contributions of African Canadian people, people
who've come from the Caribbean people who were brought here as
political prisoners, these are their histories is what allows us
to enjoy the luxury that we have today where I can, I can speak I
can stand I can enjoy who I am. Because of these people. I don't
want them to lose that because I feel like that's a part of my
collective history being here today. Now, I agree with you. And
I think just to speak to that. My experience of black spaces has
literally been I think in the last five years in London, specifically
in London, Londoners here will know what I'm talking about. But
there has been this growth in especially black sisters and
Uh, forming businesses forming organizations putting on events.
They're not black events. But typically because they are set up
by a black woman, she invites all her friends who invite all their
friends and then their aunties come and their moms come and it
ends up being a black event with a sprinkling of, you know, Arabs and
Asians and some white sisters and lots of reverts. They're now my
daughter's we went to an Eid party that was organized by one of
these, one of these organizations, Mashallah. And it just so happened
that it was majority black. And in this case, you had sisters from
all over. You had Somali sisters, you had Kenyan sisters, Nigerian
sisters, Caribbean sisters, all sorts. And my daughter said to me,
this is where I feel at home. And I said to her why? She said,
Because when I'm here, I want to take my scarf off, because
everyone's got hair like mine. And we look amazing. Everyone looks
beautiful, Masha, Allah, people are like, you know, we like the
same types of things to dance to, if we're having an eat party,
we've got the DAF and we're going for it, and the energy. And I
don't know, maybe this is my own thing. But I do feel there is a
different energy, that my daughters have that energy, it's
part of who they are. So they love to be in that black Muslim space,
because they can be free. Now, contrast that to a place where the
dominant culture is, for example, DESE, not Arab. Because Arabs, she
has familiarity with Aaron, she grew up in Egypt. But with the
deci event, she feels self conscious about her hair, she
feels self conscious about her dress, maybe she's not dressed
like the other girls. And I think it's natural for human beings to
want to be in a place where they are understood, where they just
belong, you know, and there's no like, no intrusive questions you
No, no, no one trying to kind of understand so. So what is that,
again, they just get you. So I think black spaces doesn't have to
be as as much of an erasure as you're saying, when because no one
is being erased in the black spaces that I'm familiar with.
I don't know what anyone else's experiences. But certainly in my
experience, those black spaces, all it means is that it was set up
by a black person. And she or he invited all their friends. So for
example, have said Debbie, who was with us to Barry, who was with us
last week, she does make a lot of you know, amazing contributions as
a black Muslim millennial, and she attracts her people to her, right?
And those spaces are inclusive, people who want to know that go
there. But our vibe is that our energy is there. Our cultural
markers are there and there's no shame in Yeah, we Muslim and we're
black. And you know, it's lit. And you know, I'm not going to try and
embarrass myself by talking all the millennial slang. But you guys
know what I'm talking about anyway, so anybody want to jump in
on that? Before we need to wrap up, because I don't want to keep
your uncle a brother, Michael, go ahead. I wanted to point a rabbit
to say something that has already been said. But to emphasize that
Islam really didn't come to eras, blackness, or eras, people's
cultures or people's races, but to celebrate them.
In fact, one of the secrets of the spread of Islam is that it
accommodated the cultures that it encountered. It didn't try to
erase them completely. And that's why you find Islam, you know,
spread everywhere. And we like often to, to make the slogans or
to say the slogan that Islam is universal, how can it be universal
if you're trying to impose an Arab culture, we use South Asian
culture on people from Jamaica, for example, it can be that
universal, and also to say that people to tell people that well,
you know, forget about blackness only focus on Islam, you can't
tell someone to forget about their blackness, when the Islam that you
are introducing to them is one that has been mediated through a
salt, Asian culture, for example, what about their, you know, if
you're talking to a Jamaican, and then you're telling them to forget
about their blackness, that they should only focus about Islam and
you're introducing to them, and Islam that is saturated with
colleagues and everything that you're telling them, that they're,
you know, the spoken word or the, you know, the lyrics, whatever
they do in the culture is not Islamic. You're preventing them
from performing poetry without music, any almost mosque and while
at the same time you have covered events. So really, I think this is
I think, the part of the problem that you have cultural imperialism
where it has absolutely nothing to do with Islam, but people invoke
Islam, to impose their cultures on others. They try to whether it is
Arab culture they trying to impose on you whether it is South Asian
culture, and they try to tell you to forget about your Jamaican
culture. If it can't be, it is not part of Islam.
We know that Islam throughout the centuries has been mediated
through cultures. And in fact, the local cultures known as all of in
Turkey, has become an important tool of interpreting the law in
Muslim Societies, for adopted local cultures is they tried to
explain the factory to those people. So I think people, whether
they're from the African Americans, whether they're
Jamaicans with African Somalis wherever they have to know and
accept, right, understand that their cultures are valid Islamic
cultures, you know, the, they don't have to embrace someone
else's culture. And I think that's all I wanted to say on this topic.
Now, I think what you said there about the cultural imperialism is
a huge issue, and it's one that we inshallah will be addressing in
the next virtual salon session, where we're going to be going to
education, and we're going to be talking about the decolonization
of the Islamic Studies, curriculum and other Islamic studies history.
And I think there is still so much we're gonna be talking about
education, we're talking about, you know, literature and
representation within literature and, you know, options open for
for for Muslims inshallah. But can I just get a last word from the
panel? Because what we're going to do now, Inshallah, is we're going
to wrap this up, and then we're going to open the floor, because
there's some people who've had their hands up, Mashallah. And,
you know, I want to hear what people have to say. So, on the
subject of raising our children, black and Muslim, what is one
thing that we can do, because this space here is not meant to be an
echo chamber. This space here is for us to explore the topics for
us to get ideas, and then implement them because ideas
without implementation, it's just a waste of time. And I wouldn't
expect you guys to keep coming back week after week, and my guest
to keep coming week after week for us just to talk. Let's see some
action. Yeah. So in terms of action points, I'd like to just
tell everybody that inshallah brother Michael and I have booked,
and have agreed to book a time where we're going to do podcasts,
and I'm going to do an interview solely with him. And that
interview will be especially exclusive content for our patrons,
which I will tell you about later in sha Allah. But I think that
there are so many questions that have come up, just from a few
times of hearing stuff that you know what you're saying, brother,
Michael, so I think we need to really do an in depth interview
and in depth conversation. So that is, there's more to come. There's
so much more for us to discover. So just quickly before we wrap
this up and go to q&a, guys, what are your final words of either
something that you are going to do or something that you want people
to know? The people who are watching this inshallah
when it comes to raising our children, black and Muslim, okay,
one thing I will say
real quick, here I go. Um, one thing is having a melting pot,
keep hearing melting pot when we teach or change that. And so
looking at it as a gumbo, because melting pot, everything melts. You
don't know where it came from? Who was what and everything like that.
When it's a gumbo, you know, what is you could tell what is what in
a gumbo. So that's one thing to be able to, like when I was talking
about having your Indian visuality, I get that that's not
taking away from having a black space. The one thing that we can
do without would think that we should do is first make sure that
we are intentional and transparent when it comes to our children when
it comes to teaching our children. There are a lot of things going
on, learn about our history, learn about our strengths, learn about
the powers that we have and teach them. We learn it first and learn
to teach not learn to just keep it to ourselves. Perfect. I love that
brother Michael. Yes, I think
it's hard to add to,
to the, you know, extremely important contributions that have
already been made. And
I will just still leave the floor for questions. I may take maybe
one or two if there are any for directed at me and then I have to
leave unfortunately because I have other things to do. Maybe about 10
minutes or so. So you know, pass the mic.
Okay. Rama final words for Yeah, I think final words for me was it's
great to have this discussion and see other black Muslim parents,
how they deal with the same concerns that I have.
What I take away is utilizing the power of the knowledge that I
have, and making sure that I am raising children that are
conscious of
If
they're worth making sure that I'm raising children's that are aware
of, you know, the dangers that are out there, but also making sure
that I'm raising children that are, you know, value themselves.
If you raise children that value themselves, they'll be able to
recognize and value others. So that's what I'm taking home, I'm
very excited in sha Allah to be starting this journey of
homeschooling, and having that much pour more power and more
influence into shaping the Mind of My children in sha Allah, I love
that. And to be honest, I'm just going to give a quick disclaimer,
if as a result of the virtual salon, we have like a revolution,
where we have new families deciding to take back control of
their children's education, and buying our whole set of new types
of books and reading new types of books, and having new
conversations with their children, I will be so happy that will be
like yes, that will be winning for me. Last words, little kids that I
go to, you're gonna
Yeah, so just, from my own experience, with my children, what
I really tried to do, and so I'm hoping, I'm hopeful that, that
I've been successful,
is really
honing in on
developing their, their self esteem, and their self esteem as
just being
a human being and a servant, a servant of Allah, you know, and
being
the best they can be, and not really giving them limits that the
world would be placing on them, once they get into the world,
like, really having them look at the world in a way where they are
completely valued. And they, you know, they have no limits, and no,
and no one is going to restrict them from certain spaces, or
whatever. And this is when they're young, and really doing it in a
way where it's, it's
strategic, and, and constant. So, you are doing it in like, just
little moments,
you know, different experiences that they have, and just being
always there to remind them, of their their worth, and the fact
that
they don't, they don't, they don't have to fall to what society is
trying to tell them that they can't do.
And, and then just the teach them that they're beautiful, like, you
know, Allah has given them this body has given them the features,
you've given them, the skin and the hair. And a lot is you know,
he creates things in perfection. So whatever they have been giving
given is a gift. And no one can tell them that it's not beautiful,
and just for them to feel confident within their skin.
Is that can I say yes or no?
Yeah, I think just to piggyback off what Mr. Wilkie said, you
know, I think raising children that have healthy self esteem,
being black in the West, I think is of utmost importance. Many
times our children live with this notion, especially when they look
around them. And they watch television, they watch movies,
they read books, and they're not represented, many children start
to and we all know this, you know, we start to build this, this
feeling of ugliness of, of, you know, we're not the dominant
culture, we're not the people that you typically see as beautiful. I
make it a point and a habit of complimenting my daughter like 50
times a day, you know, as a father, I tell her Oh, you're so
beautiful. Look at your hair. Recently, my daughter typically
braids your hair throughout the school years is easier to manage.
But like she's been at home now she's lets her hair out. And I
keep telling her Wow, I love your hair. Look at so beautiful. Look,
it's so nice. And I could see the effect actually it has on her
she's become so much closer to me. And these last few weeks being at
home. And my wife and I, my wife talked about I said why? You know,
why is she acting like that? And my wife said, I think it's because
you keep talking about her how beautiful her hair is. And she
really, really likes it. And I think even though it's subtle as a
father, sometimes we don't think of both of those things. But I
know that that has an impact on her because she's constantly
surrounded by a world that is indirectly or directly telling her
she's not beautiful. So feeling like children have that I had this
funny entered I'll share this I had I used to live in a very
diverse apartment building when I was younger. And I had a Greek
neighbor, who was she was much older and she had a son who I used
to play with sometimes I spend a lot of time at their house. When I
was younger. She used to always tell me and this is sound. This
might sound strange, but she used to always put her arm next to my
arm. And she used to look at my skin and say Wow, your skin is so
beautiful. I wish I had the color that you have. Here's the I don't
know if she was trying to molest me or what because it's now
looking back at it. It sounds a bit weird but
he used to always compliment my skin and my complexion and mind
you, they're all white. They're all pale. And, and by her saying
that built a level of, of confidence in me growing up that I
felt like wow, you know, she really she was she always told me
I wish I had your skin, I still may use excuse to spend all day
out the sun just says you can look like me. And that does a lot to
children's confidence. And my son specifically, you know, and this
is a whole different conversation but like black boys hair, how we
stylize their hair, what hair we look at, even in the Muslim
community as being Islamic, or haram. Or you know what, when a
boy grows his hair out, and he decides to do something with it,
all of a sudden, he's imitating the kofod. But he is going there.
But I'm being serious, right, like a
natural black hairstyle. Many times it's criminalized. It's
something that is seen as inherently haram for many black
people. So telling my son and showing my son you know, you can
do whatever you want with it. I wish I had parents like me,
because I know I when I was there, I wanted to wile out but my
parents never let me right. But telling my son you know, you do
whatever you want your hair, you can, you know, braid it, you could
do this and that. And and it's just it's important, I think to
build that confidence and showing them that naturally, they are
beautiful. Yeah. Do you think as well that the more confident our
children are in their Islamic knowledge, the less shy they will
feel when other people are made uncomfortable by what they
consider to be honest, slamming? Because a lot of people it's true,
lots of aspects of our cultures. People do look at that and say,
No, that's imitating the kuffaar. That's haram that's not from
Islam, etc. Whereas Do you feel like if our children know, the
roots of that, and they know where that came from, I know brother
Michael has talked about dreadlocks before. And he's talked
about companions having dreadlocks and that, of course, for many
people. It's like saying, Well, what do you talking about? This is
for us? Does J Hill haram stuff for Allah? Right? But if your
child knows, excuse me, no, you can't tell me that. Because I
already know that. It's never this. I know the proofs behind
this. Do you feel that that's also something that we can do? Well,
100% many times you'll hear kids say, Oh, my parents told me that
this is wrong. Or my parents said this and I don't care what your
parents said, what are the process of them? Say? What did the ISA if
you can tell me that as a child? And you can bring to me or present
to me your delivery? Your evidence? Where did this come
from? Then you might have an argument. My kids, for example,
and this is I'll put myself out there, okay. I believe eating the
meat of Alan Kitab is * out. Okay, this is my personal opinion.
This is the scholars that I follow. In the UK. This is
blasphemy. By the way, you can't say this. In the US. It is Aslan
it is nobody cares. Most people they don't mind if you eating 100
kitab meat if you meet from the Christians or Jews, people don't
mind. So my kids, they're my kids. So I let them eat whatever I eat,
right? I don't have a problem. They I believe this to be
permissible. So they eat what I eat their friends, when, you know,
I tell their friends might ask or I tell my kids, I'll take him to
McDonald's or something. And their friends will say, Oh my God, you
went to McDonald's? How? How did you guys go? And then they'll
explain to them well, this is you know, we believe this and such.
And then I'm like, Look at this point. I've done my due diligence.
You know, I've taught them they've learned whatever. At a certain
point, they can make their own decision right under my house.
It's my rules. We do what I say I'm the I'm the man, right. But
when you get older, you can make your own decisions. That's fine.
We can disagree. But it has to come from a slack. It can come
from my culture. This is what my parents taught me. This is what
then you sound like the Jahan the items that you sound like the
Qureshi used to say, Oh, how can we follow the religion of Maha
says that when we our parents used to do this, and our parents who do
that? Who cares what your parents did? Your parents are not Allah,
your parents, they learned from someone you teach me and tell me
the sources of what you learn? And I'll take it or leave it. Yeah.
100% Yeah, no. And like I said, guys, this is this is a
conversation that's ongoing. And it's an it's a conversation that's
ongoing, that I think will concertina, there'll be times when
it broadens out. So we addressing, you know, maybe issues that a lot
of people feel like next week, we're talking about the hijab, so
make sure you guys sign up for that, and Sharla. And then, you
know, then we have loads loads of things to to focus on. So with
that being said, I would like to thank the panelists, we are going
to go to q&a. But I just at this point would like to thank the
panelists really sincerely and pray that Allah subhanaw taala
rewards you all for your time. I know it's not easy to take time
out of your schedule, and with the kids and with the lock locked down
and everything to come together like this, but I've been speaking
to the guests, and we want this to continue. So those of you who are
watching this, and you feel that this is a valuable space and that
these conversations are beneficial, then my plea to you my
invitation to you is for you to help us to make this something
that continues. And how you can do that is by becoming a patron of
the virtual salon. So there's a link here that I'm going to share
with you and I'll be emailing it out as well. But basically you can
help to support this conversation to continue, but in just five
pounds a month.
to continue having these conversations, allowing us to
produce content to get it up onto YouTube, which costs money by the
way, and also to thank our panelists, you know, and to be
able to have, you know, different forms, podcasts, videos,
interviews, we're up for it if you are, so if you feel that this is
important, and this is something that you want to see continued,
please Inshallah, take take that take note of that link. Go ahead.
Even if it's just at the five pound level, we want to have these
conversations, we want to have a town hall with you, where we can
come together, and everybody can unmute, and everyone can be on
video and we can go for it, go for it, go for it. If you're a patron,
you get to do stuff like that, if you're a patron, you get free
entry into our special events like our hijab conversation next week,
and the marriage one after that, which is going to be fire. So I
suggest that you go to that link inshallah after this and please
join up as a patron and the patrons will be the ones inshallah
in the future who get to come to these special meetings that we
have, and actually come on and speak and be part of the panel and
everything. So that's my spiel. So inshallah I'm going to stop the
video here, because we're going to go to the group and then we're
going to start another one inshallah. So thank you so much,
everyone. I'm going to stop this right here.
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