Naima B. Robert – The Intimacy Conversation How Porn is Killing Your Sex Drive & How to Quit Br. Wael
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The speaker discusses the importance of protecting one's privacy and protecting one's privacy. They also mention a program for coaches to help people
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Smilla Salam aleikum. Everyone we are in our third talk for day
three of the intimacy conversation and I must say, brother, well,
Ibrahim, it's a real pleasure to have you back on the channel
hamdulillah we've had the opportunity to speak on this
topic, which, you know, to be fair is not the most enjoyable topic to
speak about. And I have to say, It's uncanny. The number of times
this issue came up this weekend. Almost every speaker referenced
* and the impact of * on everything from appetite, desire,
behaviors, attitudes, you know,
erectile dysfunction, you know, addiction, so many things, you
know, breakdown of marriages, so many things I think you guys know,
those of you who've been watching the live streams, it has come up
again and again and again. So mashallah, with your work with the
AWARE Academy, I know that you've been tackling this issue, please
Insha Allah, I want to give you the floor. Tell our viewers if
they don't know you, who you are, the work that you do, and then
let's dig into the impact of * on our intimate lives inshallah.
Jozek Allah hence the name Masonic, we're live again to
everyone who has been out of male or female 100 Hillel salatu salam
ala Rasulillah he Salalah Salam
I was not prepared to introduce myself. So
yeah, my name is Wilder Brahim been been the founder of an
organization in Hong Kong city
called serving Islam team in the past, I think, since 2007. And it
was during this time when I was
leading small community and just teaching Islam during the hour
calling people to Allah subhanaw taala. And in the middle of this
process, I came across a couple of youngsters who brought about this,
this issue of * addiction. And it reminded me of my generation
growing up youth in the 90s where these materials were available on
VHS tapes and magazines and the like.
And it reminded me of how these materials even though it was less
accessible, yet it had impacted us negatively as well during those
days. And by comparison now when we look at * and its
prevalence today, we can we can feel the the agony that youngsters
are going through because the accessibility is just on the
fingertip everywhere behind closed doors in the light. And and so my
main intention earlier was to study slam academically, get my
bachelor's in Islamic Studies and then go for Masters and PhD until
I met move to Spain. May Allah bless him. And he told me we don't
need any of that we have a lot already who have those
qualifications, we just want you to focus on this area because it's
less tackled and handled I took that advice I did my research road
couple of books are handled on the issue.
And when I started talking about it, just I my email inboxes just
were flooded with with requests to help. And so I decided to focus on
this area from the law. Just this is the brief intro inshallah time.
I'm not sure if this is going to be a lecture type or is it a
conversation?
Let's Well, the thing is, I seem to have decent internet. So we can
have a conversation. But guys, you already know that internet and I
we tend to have a love hate relationship. So if it if so for
some reason it breaks down, I know that you have you know all that
you need to carry this. But okay.
I think if we can kick off with a little bit of the of the research,
okay, we had a conversation about this. And even though so many of
our speakers have mentioned this, I think there may still be a
perception in the community, that this is not an issue that affects
us as Muslims. What do you say to that? No, I think when we look at
one of the major,
largest * websites of that type, of course, we will not
mention names.
boasting about 42 billion visits 42 billion visits in the year
2019. Alone, then we can look at the population of the world and
and ask ourselves, are we excluded? And is the Muslim
community excluded from this 42 billion that we'd be fooling
ourselves to believe this way. On the same on the same topic, offer
Research I visited Indonesia a couple of years ago, Sri Lanka,
Philippines, Hong Kong and I meet, I met only the Muslim community
and a few other countries just I don't remember and I conducted
just a survey with the audience present. And we found that over
80%, over 80% of the audience knew someone in the family members who
is addicted or affected by *. So we don't want to
just fool ourselves on top of that, Alhamdulillah. I was in
Malaysia some time some years ago, as I mentioned earlier in the
marriage conference, and the organizers can witness to this.
And that was like a 20 minutes introduction to this *
addiction, it's harms and all that 20 minutes talk was done very
briefly, check in these homies I was with us. I remember in this
conference, and Subhanallah, I'll lean on that day, I just made an
announcement. I said, guys, this is my email address. If you have
any issue, please feel free to, to contact me. And that same night,
in the hotel room, I contacted the organizers say, come see my email
address 320 emails were sent on the spot. And the conference
pretty large, like it was this video is about maybe nearly 1500
people.
And just this is on the same night. And after that 1000s of
emails like you know, I created six email inboxes do really to
cater for the 1000s of people who are and most people who contact me
for this are Muslims. So we don't want to. And if we also
SubhanAllah. Today, just just this morning, talking to one of
formula, we trained a lot of coaches in Nigeria and other parts
of the world. One of those coaches contacted me today she said that
she is helping couples on the marital issues and all that. And
the husband is just in complete denial and became offended when
she told him perhaps because of the too much * that you watch.
This is your attitude with your wife. So he started denying that
it's an addiction. Taking a lot of offense.
You know, so if we will bury our heads in the sand of course there
will be no solution but * is in our homes. I
believe it is in every home. I believe that
one of the scholars on this area Her name is Christian Jensen, she
wrote two books under the same title, good pictures, bad
pictures. One is for younger kids, and one for senior. And she
mentioned that a question already that we shouldn't ask anymore,
whether our kids will stumble across * or not this
this should not be even the question. The question should be
when when will they come across this because they will come it's
super prevalent and we should tackle it we should discuss about
it in the open. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam will allow
discussions of that nature which we call today sensitive topics,
taboo topics and all that and also line mela please with with her she
will come to the prophets of Solomon. She will start the
conversation by saying in Hola Hola, esta email,
or messenger of Allah. Allah subhanaw taala does not shy away
from the truth. And then she will ask questions such as discharge
with dreams and and the prophets of salaam will allow these
conversations and when discussing the most sublime language in the
most polite language to address issues that we all experience. And
when will I talk to my 15 years old, I have nearly 15 years old
boy, in this very house, I have that, that boy, you will
experience those issues. When will I address them? I have a daughter,
when we will address her about using devices responsibly and so
on and so forth. When will I address her that if you came
across these * images, be careful because it could affect
on your relationship with your husband, the future when and who
will do this education. So it's very, very essential. Does that
color hair and you know, you've you've you've touched on something
that I did want actually to ask you and that is what is the answer
to that question. When do you have the conversation? The reason I'm
asking is that for many mothers, maybe fathers as well, especially
fathers when it comes to their daughters, I think there is
maybe a false picture that we have of our children's innocence. We
want to preserve that innocence certainly practicing parents, you
know as much as possible we want to preserve the innocence of our
children right.
So when is it appropriate to have that conversation? Is it when you
see something when you think something has already happened?
Should you preempt it with having the conversation please give us
some guidance inshallah. I say from day one I used to take to I
used to talk to my son about not looking at girls on the streets or
wearing this waiting that Be careful you know lawyer up
and all these things in the language that they can understand
best, of course, are not taught to seven years old boy and mentioned
the word *. I'm invited to schools, to primary schools to
talk to them about the harmful impacts of *, but I
never wish to use the word *, I will use inappropriate images,
people wearing less clothes, and these types of language in the
beginning when when they were young, because they will come
across across them anyway, you how many of our children having
devices now internet devices, how many mothers will just leave their
their iPads so that they can cook and prepare for their husbands
like, and you don't know how many hours do be using these devices
and what images that would they will come across these, there are
people out there who who plans, you know, popup ads and all these
things, and they target our children, because they know that
our children is the beginning of addictive cycle that perhaps will
benefit the industry later on in the future. So we have to be very
vigilant, speak to them. And of course,
protect your homes by you know, blockers and filters. They're
available on, you know, on by led a large number now.
There are many, many software's that I can recommend later in the
episode. But we have to do both education and also protection. So
I would say from day one, you have to start talking about these
issues, because because they are very, very prevalent.
It sounds so easy.
isn't done. I did it just sorry to interrupt. Why did it and when I
did it, I thought that I'm going to faint. Honestly, I was out to
faint. I felt like I'm you know, I feel in the business. Today. When
I talk to my daughter and son about issues of that nature. It's
absolutely normal. Luke says that *, * and these
images are normalized in Hollywood movies, normalized in MTV songs,
normalized, even on Billboard's 100 normalized everywhere. So why
can't we normalize the conversation around it? Why can't
we see Imams coming on the pulpits and addressing this issue, which
is destroying our youth? So it is difficult, I'm not saying it's
magical, it is easier said than done. But it's doable. It's not
impossible. And once you do it while you've done it, and yes, it
becomes more normal Subhanallah you know, something that came up
in one of the other talks, specifically related to desire
amongst single people, and specifically single women was that
his brother Gabriel mentioned this the village Auntie mentioned this,
many people mentioned this, that a lot of the programming like TV
that's not labeled * is actually soft *, and especially
aimed at women. If you found this to be the case. Absolutely. This
seems to be the plan. This is see.
God alone knows this is my theory, I believe that there is a plan to
hook people up on these issues so that they don't think of anything
else. They don't think about any other problems, major problems in
the society. I feel that there is something like that because that's
why I am a very, very anti movies, any movies like people do people
sometimes even religious people will say brother so how can we
entertain ourselves? I say look, watch any movie get any movie
cartoon or whatnot. And you will see that there is a scene there is
something that will invite you to foods that would invite you to
something sexual anything you know that real life stories and movies
that are based on real life stories, you will see one scene
that is really very, very provocative. Why and and our brain
works this way our our brain usually craves novelty, crave
something that usually don't happen regularly. And the scenes
that the show of that nature are very aggressive, very, very open.
And as a result, the youngsters especially when they watch these
things, they will be very curious. They want to know more what
happens after this. And as a result, they will go on searching
and they will stumble across hardcore *. So yeah,
it's that's why the what you stayed at will be stored here. And
what is stored here is engraved for life. You know, there is a man
named Patrick Carnes that your current Dr. Patrick Cohn started
talking about * addiction and * addiction in the 1980s. Among
the first few people who actually brought this into discussion,
he said once addicted, always addicted.
Addictions are in the brain and they will never
Go away. What do we do? SR NEMA is managing them? Deactivating them,
they are there they can be reactivated anytime. So like
alcohol or drugs or anything like that. So they all they always say
I'm in recovery like I'm not recovered, I'm not done, I'm still
in recovery is it like that? Absolutely. That's why we don't
let alcoholic or anyone who has issues with any addiction to be
alone in an environment that's inviting him to to repeat the
activity. That's why when we watch these movies, when we watch these
films, it's an invitation for more
Subhanallah
this this, this whole, you know, conversation, I mean, like so many
people are, you know, in the chat kind of talking about this, and
really thanking you for for bringing this to the to the
forefront and being you know, honest and open about it.
So,
one question that I had, that I think may occur to people who are
watching this because I'm sure that many more people are gonna
watch this and I'm watching right now.
Firstly, can you ever access it and not get addicted? And how do
you know when you're an addict? How do you know when you're
addicted? What are the signs of the addiction?
Yes, there are some people who will smoke cigarettes, weed, you
know, even taste cocaine, heroin and they will never be addicted.
There are people like that. But is it halal or haram? And now you
don't need a Mufti to answer this question. Again, there are some
people who will watch * here and there and they will never get
addicted for life. But is it worth it? Is it halal? Is it haram Is it
acceptable? Is it pleasurable? You know, in the sight of Allah
subhanaw taala the answer we all know it's haram. So yeah, you
know, addiction sometimes is is something that Sorry, sorry, I so
so I don't want to jump in. I just want that to be clear, because
actually, it's not as obvious as we think that people know that
* is haram because we know of people who say, I need this in
order to feel excited for my spouse or my husband showed it to
me to give me ideas for what to do, or I wanted to be inspired or
whatever the case may be. So can we just let's double down on the
Islamic argument against * and then we can go into addiction. Is
that okay? Yeah, absolutely. Yanni,
Yanni, when Allah subhanho wa Taala told us in the Quran
mini now the women are beside him, were follow through them. When
Allah Subhana Allah said Tell command the believers to lower the
gaze and God and God the modesty, that doesn't mean watching
* is okay. And if Allah Subhana Allah say lower your gaze
when you see something that's even bothering you, like you looked at
the girl down the streets, that it attracted you in a in a lawful
manner, more you gaze, put your eyes elsewhere. With that will
that same Allah subhanaw taala allow us to watch sexual scenes
strangers having * on camera? Is that something Allah Subhana Allah
would permit lowering the gaze, let alone watching lustfully and
* to pixels and images where I ever will. So absolutely
the the the verdict Islamically is absolutely haram. There is a
disagreement on *, there is a disagreement in
opinions in Philippine opinions regarding *, some of
course would say also haram because Allah subhanaw taala says
and sort of known that any sexual pleasures should be attainable
through spouses this you know, that relationship of intimacy
between a husband and wife that's the only thing permissible
according to sort of the movement on some other scholars, depending
on the circumstances, the situations may allow *,
whether it's more cruel, it's dislike act, but it's not haram
and so on. So there are a lot of opinions on *, but
* all scholars that I know of worth the name, of course
prohibited based on the Quran and the Hadith of the Prophet SAW
center. Of course, whether you wanted to have whether you wanted
to watch it for the excitement or not even I have a personal Yoni
share, who I consider to be very, very close to me and like a
supervisor kind of mentor.
Because I was contacted sister from prison.
Some people from prison contacted me about this issue, they read my
books, and they wanted some help because in jail, they don't allow
spouses to come and sit with you overnight to you know, fulfill
that time. So we say well, what do we do? So * is the only
access and sometimes even people who will smuggle phones and and
all these things to watch * inside the prison. So
I contacted that yeah, has it like I never come across
This type of you know, dealing so so he said, You can you can lock
or block or tie my freedom you can you can lock me up in a room and,
you know prevent me from walking down the streets prevent me from
you know the regular freedom that everyone exercise that that can
happen, but you cannot work up my desire
you can, you know, I will I will do anything to survive, right? So
* is one of those desires that are very, very intense. And when
you lock it when you're you know, we don't have celibacy in Islam,
right? Because it's, it will come at a point and things will go
wrong. So in those conditions, when you are locked up when your
desires have locked up, maybe there is a room for *
now to be considered as, okay, better than Zina and the light. I
see. But at the same time you said what *, you know, even
in jail. Hmm. I can't imagine there being an excuse for
* just because you're in jail. So I can't see No, no, but
people people give excuses like married couples in particular. And
this is very common when you say that it's halal to watch together.
Since we are watching together, it's okay. And this happened to
me. You know, one of the cases where the wife said to the
husband, okay, honey, don't worry. But whenever you have the urge to
watch, invite me will you watch together now what's happened to
them up to this date, by the way this has been going on for years,
up to this day, both are addicted on their own, you know, in their
own world world, the intimacy is nearly nil between them, they
don't have any sexual intimacy, because of course, watching
* lead to that lower * drive between the partners. Now
we're gonna get to that inshallah. Because again, it's something that
you know, it's an unexpected consequences in it, but before we
get to the consequences, can we talk about the signs of addiction,
please inshallah. So addiction, the science of addiction is that
when you have the urge to repeat the activity, again and again,
when you feel the craving, of going to that activity, when you
start lying about your activity. All these are the signs of
addiction, when you feel that you are giving preferences to your
haram activities, which is * now, over your
essentials,
over your essentials, when you keep on doing what you do, despite
all the negative consequences, your relationship with your wife,
your work, ethics, even some people they go to the extreme and
they start paying credit cards and the like. All these are signs of
addictions. Just the the most common ones. Okay, okay, so All
right, so I know we're going to talk about this at the end
Inshallah, but we already have people asking in the comments, if
they need help, how can they reach you?
So Hamdulillah we we have started this platform called Be Aware
Academy for this very purpose. So hungry we have over 70 trained
coaches on this issue. So if you wanted to email us in sha Allah,
we have an email address info at our academy.com.au and then
Charlotta Allah you just with brief history about what what led
you to where you are, and inshallah we will direct you to
the right coach for you in sha Allah, so it's info at aware
academy.com.au Joel, does that calm, okay. And guys, we'll put
that in the description of this once we once we get to that stage
insha Allah. Okay, so consequences, especially the
unexpected consequences of * addiction.
Are we specifically talking about married couples relationships, or
in general, I think in general, because, okay, so this is, this is
what I'm hearing.
On the one hand, we know that desire is something that is
natural that it's part of the fitrah, Allah subhanaw taala has
created us that way. We have also been hearing this weekend that is
very strong, and it's primal, right? It's an urge and it's
primal. It's like hunger.
Then we're living in a hyper sexualized society, which is
constantly stimulating that urge. But we are Muslims. And we live
according to the laws of Allah subhanaw taala, which encourage us
to be chaste for most of the time. So I think for the society that we
live in
* and you know, open sexuality is considered honoring our fitrah
honoring our human nature honoring our human needs. Similarly, with
*, it's considered accepting and honoring your who
you are as a human and, you know, that's what you need. That's what
you desire.
So that's the first thing that I
thing is that all of these things that we're talking about are seen
as a natural consequence of our human or human needs. Not any more
sister name. Okay. So that was the case before perhaps, maybe 20 plus
years ago, there are people, of course, who are pro * today
still, when they talk about this honoring thing, the art part of
it, you know, expressing your sexuality, part of it, and so on.
There are people who are calling for this. But actually, if we look
at the work of non Muslims in this area,
it's massive. It's really massive the realize already the damage
that * has done, there is this I forgot the names, but
the book is very well known in that, in that space, the *
trap, the * trap, both authors if I remember their * therapist,
and they said, we used to actually recommend * tapes to clients
who don't have that urge. They don't have you know, the, the
appetite for sexual activity. So they, they recommend them to go
and watch *. And then they said, later on, we change
that view completely. Because the same clients came complaining that
actually * had led them to leave * completely and just
focus on images and messages. So they realize that and that was
like 1520 years ago,
years ago, so it's not the case anymore. People have realized, if
you look at platforms like you know, fight the new drug, yes, non
Muslims.
Gary Wilson, late late Gary Wilson of The Brain on *, this is an
atheist. Right? And he already realized this many, many years
ago. If you look at the team, gay Dean, Noah, church and all these,
they realize that the issue is damaging on many, many levels,
right? So we don't just have the religious argument we also have
the science, right and the evidence evidence based academic
research Sr, I started a program called pandemic if you remember.
For linic What I used to do is I used to look dig into these
research and simplify them and just bring them on a video just to
show the audience how much * could destroy your
life my book a way to find out who you are without * was based on
this you know, on these research, but
applying them on my clients on the people who came to me in my life,
telling me to help them to help them 12 areas I just mentioned in
the book 12 areas that * can destroy completely including
your childhood your teenagers your * life, career your everything
almost * can destroy so the thing that I just want to
mention on this issues system I'ma if we talk about the ultimate
damage, the ultimate damage and consequences of * and I
want everyone to listen very carefully. It is our iman, this is
the ultimate damage that not only our Eman it lead people today it
lead people literally to leaving Islam. You know why? Because we
teach people on the pulpits to make dua and Allah will respond to
you. Those people have been addicted to * for years
been also making dua been also asking Allah you know, for for
helping them to cope with this. And they find themselves going
again and again into that cycle. And then at the end, they say
that, you know, Allah is not there anymore. Unless not listening to
me on AWS, we will tackle this and there is a solution to this as
well. But this is the ultimate damage that you must My dear
sisters, my dear brothers, you may be living with a husband who lost
faith completely and I lost my father because of this.
So when I said about the unintended consequences of *, I
didn't expect you to say that and I'm sure nobody else did either.
Subhanallah Okay, so, so the whole idea of * being a celebration
of human sexuality is being debunked. Correct? Yeah, my job is
over 200 research we have that. All these things are nonsense.
Expressing sexuality and all that at home. Not here. Not in public.
Right. Okay. So debunked guys, just in case you were wondering
debunked. So, obviously, again, the okay the word on the street,
and maybe particularly with young people, is, you know, because I
remember reading a book by Arielle Levy, and it was called female
Chauvinist Pigs. And in that book, she talks she's a feminist, but
she was commenting on the * ification of society, and the
point of vacation of women. And obviously, 1020 years ago, you
didn't have young girls wanting to look like a * star or act like
a * star. But now this * star is considered the ultimate
empowered woman, you know, who's in control of her, you know, of
herself and her sexuality, etc. But from your work, I know that I
Actually * kills desire and * can destroy your sexuality.
Let's talk about that a little bit.
Absolutely is this is that most people most married couples is
let's focus on this because this the whole program that's the theme
about you know, marital issues and so most people are married and
addicted to *, been watching * way before
the marriage happened. Okay most most in most cases, what happens
is as soon as they get married, the brain reactivate the addiction
path, the addiction pathway. Why is that so because as we mentioned
earlier, addictions occur in the brain. And the brain has
registered already the activity of sexual pleasure through screens,
internet, *, browsing and so on. And *
that's, that's what the the brain has been programmed or conditioned
to do for you. Because the brain works for us. Whatever we
introduce to our brain, our ranges pops up these chemical, you know
hormones, so that you can repeat those activities again and again,
after marriage takes place. Because it's something new, the
brain also likes, because it's something new. Now you have a
right real life partner, you start participate in these in this
relationship. After a while, a month or two, that addiction kicks
in again, and you start * behind your, you
know, wife, or even the wife if she's addicted to do the same. And
they will live in this secrecy for a couple of years until it hits
them that they are not. They are not interested at all in sexual
intimacy. Worst of all for men, erectile dysfunction, or as as it
is known now * induced erectile dysfunction. A brother just talked
to me online sister Nyima, just recently very recently, he got
divorced because of this, the wife told him enough is enough. But he
can't perform it. He went to physician his doctor told him that
physically you're absolutely okay. This look the only the only you
know diagnosis would be * induced erectile dysfunction *
is conditioned him to have erection to have the the arousal
to have the pleasure through screens and * for
years. Now he's married. And finally he's going to now apply
all that he has been watching, only to find himself a complete
failure. So this the worst for a woman, by the way is the same
regarding sexual pleasure, there is a condition called situational
and * where the woman does not reach to any pleasurable
moment during sexual intimacy with her with her husband, only through
*, she can reach to that climax, male protected. I mean, I
mean, okay, so just help me to understand. So first question I
have is, you know, is erectile dysfunction curable?
So you can answer that one first. And then I want to get to what you
said about situation *. Yeah, just to clarify, so I'm not
a doctor, I'm not a medical doctor. So erectile dysfunction is
a medical medical condition that could be as a result of other
medical issues like diabetes and whatnot, so that many people
could, could have that. So if you have any of those, whether it is
in the physical part or the condition apart, you have to seek
you have to seek medical help, you have to go to a doctor to see to
test you and see if you have returns function or not. The *
induced erectile dysfunction is absolutely curable. absolutely
curable by doing what by quitting *. But that's the condition and
the brother gave, gave Diem of the reboot nation, he established that
platform, he lived into this again, growing up in the 90s as
well, * was just magazines and, and stuff like that. And he
suffered from this for many, many years.
Until he reaches a point he quit when he come across, you know,
Gary Wilson, as I mentioned, the Your Brain on *, he quit, and
he had a girlfriend, and they broke up because of this is a non
Muslim, and he they broke up because of this. And eight months
later, he quit *. Eight months later, he started
functioning sexually again, eight months after, okay, so it's
curable, if it is in you know, a mental blockage. But if it's
physical, then you have to seek medical
those since we talked about erectile dysfunction, also there
are research out there * on its own could also
be it also.
Because because sometimes in the process, some nerves some things
are actually damaged or caused, you know, some frustration some,
you know, harshness in the process could lead to damage of certain
nerves that could lead to return this function so we have to be
extra visual. That's why Allah subhanaw taala Subhanallah
when Lavina whom live for RWJ in pacifism,
Among the criteria of successful believers and I wanted to focus if
you don't mind the name and just the literal meaning of the words
the literal meaning when Medina home, on one Vina home lifou, J
and half eagle, and those who to their private parts are the
gatekeepers have the awful means to keep to keep intact to keep,
you know pure to keep away from getting rotten, you know, when we
put the food in the fridge, you know, that's the process of have,
you know, we keep the food away from anything that can damage it
Subhanallah look how Allah subhanaw taala told us that when
when it comes to our private parts, we should guard them in
Allah as well as in him except with their spouses, Alma Malakut
amen, amen. Amen. No, for no one will mean Allah will not blame you
for that when you're with your wife when you're with your spouse
enjoy that relationship. Other than that, Allah subhanaw taala
warned us
Subhan Allah, may Allah make us of those who heed the warning? I
mean, the other question that I had was what you said about how it
affects women. And you talked about being situational and
*? Yes, so situation, an * is a condition where
again, same thing that the * had conditioned the brain of the
woman not to have this pleasurable moment during sexual intimacy,
except through one of my servation. So is this basically
just so that I understand is this basically the mind is hooked, and
the dopamine that well talk to us about dopamine levels, right?
Because for an ordinary person, or a person, like me, or anybody
else, you expect that, you know, stimulation will lead to response
and response will lead to, you know, to the ultimate whatever.
But there seems to be a block there, because there's something
happening in the brain. Can you maybe touch on that and maybe talk
to us more about dopamine as well? Yes. So basically, dopamine is
also producing an set of other hormones are produced during the
sexual relationship, but they are produced Subhan Allah in a very
well calculated manners, because this is what Allah subhana
intended, this is the relationship that Allah subhanaw taala
intended. But when we try to attain that pleasure through other
means, subhanAllah exactly the same words that Allah, the Quran
or other means, you know, that's the prohibited part, then what
happens this dopamine, it's produced in massive quantity,
because * is not just one image or one film, that you
will watch to reach to that, you know, pleasurable moment, there
are people who are not addicted to, to the * part of *
system, and this one oh, something I want to highlight, because our
viewers who are actually watching will relate to this, those who are
having problems will relate to this, there are people are not
addicted really to the * part anymore, they are just addicted to
the search for the right clip. So they spend hours just watching
videos, hours, six, seven hours, sometimes system, six, seven
hours, you can imagine, without even touching themselves without
having anything because the addiction is not anymore about the
*, they lost that appetite. And this is as a result of the
addiction, the addictive pathway, how this addiction works is that,
you know, when we when people are addicted, they take that substance
or the do this behavior to attain certain level of pleasure. So the
pleasure reaches here, for example, once the experience the
pleasure, the the hormones drops, dopamine drops, ha, so you don't
need it anymore. And then the dopamine surge high, ask you to
repeat the activity. So you go and try to watch what you've been
watching again, but you will not reach to that level of happiness,
you will go down below here.
So you escalate the dose, you start watching again and again and
look for bizarre films, bizarre images, so the happiness reaches
the pleasure goes back high. And it keeps going up and high up and
up and down, up and down until you don't have pleasure whatsoever.
There is no pleasure at all. This is how dopamine works. Because you
have already disrupted the system through this unnatural scripting
firms that people are intending to do for you to hook you on these
things so that you perhaps pay for them. You know, this one website
that I caught in the beginning, during the pandemic during you
know, the lockdown, and people were at homes and all that this
evil website, they opened their premium account for free for one
month.
Why is that? So? They have already billions, billions of pages on the
website billions of genre billions, billions, and I'm
talking about Jani Barrett's this was the day she was in the room.
Have you know the website it's on the homepage, all the data is
there on the homepage, it's shockingly open now the open now
the premium account, why is the premium premium account in any
company is something special VIPs
the openness for one month knowing that majority of the people that
turn now, we will get across and once you tasted that Elia, you
will not be able to go below colors finished, the brain
registered that premium, so you won't go now you wanted to
experience the same pleasure pay, they want to get into your pocket?
Addiction, this is addiction, may Allah protect us, you know? So
that's how dopamine works. And as a result system now because of the
overstimulation in the brain of these 1000s upon 1000s of images
of different people, different bodies, different nationalities,
different colors, then why would anyone look at his wife? It's
what would you look at your husband at the six packs and
buddies looking like this and organs looking like that, and then
you compare that to Adam and then you lose interest completely, that
this area on its own have led so many men in particular, of going
out and seeking you know, prostitutes going into dirty
massage houses and the like, this this evil by its by itself had led
so many women to have an affair without you know the the knowledge
of anyone because women in woman would watch * by the way
they usually seek connection we usually see, you know,
companionship, not like men, men, men are always after the * part.
You know, the brother, brother Nasir, I think was talking about
earlier about Venus and
Mars. You know, I agree with him in a great length. Mashallah. But,
but but our needs and our our desires work differently. So women
seek connection as a result, they don't want just to be all the time
in front of the screens, they need the life partner they need only
once. So that's the danger. Yes, we have so many men, more men
watch, watch * than woman. But you have so many women
who act out their fantasies more than I see. Wow. Subhan Allah?
Well, all I can say is May Allah protect us. Protect our families
and our communities and allow us to hold on to the rope of Allah in
this area, because it really is such a big fitna of our time.
Brother, before we wrap up, Inshallah, do you have anything
that you wanted to share with the audience? Any parting words?
Obviously, we already told them where they can reach you, but just
give us some Gatto know, give us some hope, because I find it very
hard work that you've chosen. We're going to blame Mufti for
this.
Because this is tough. This is really tough. No, I wanted I
wanted to, I wanted to, yes, the whole part I was I was thinking of
the solution now. So let's let's give tips before leaving that
things can get absolutely better. I've been working with so many
people 100 I think now nearly 20 years. And it Hamdulillah we have
data of over 88% who walk down the path of recovery are absolutely
finally absolutely doing great. So there is hope. But number one
admitted guys like Do not ever live in this denial stage and not
addicted everybody does it. And even if everybody does it, why
would you do it? If Allah said no, and you want to battle What about
the stranger like how the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam said,
Second you need absolutely to be patient because rewiring the brain
takes time. Dr. Michael kohara wrote a book called The addicted
brain. And in his book, he explained how the brain function
functions and he said that the brain rewired itself but the
rewiring takes time. So it could take up to a year, a year and half
living in that struggle in constant you know need of of
needing these things. So be patient. Number three.
This is something very important says that you have to
differentiate between the personal beliefs that you have about
yourself, there are some people now the started thinking that you
will never be able to quit cause finished Allah see if the if
that's your personal belief about Allah, guess what the Prophet
Muhammad SAW said unto others, Allah said, I am as you think of
me I am so if you thought that Allah's paradise Allah will never
help you will never cure you guess what this will be the case. So
that's a personal belief that sometimes we adapt from from
experience or maybe society will impose on us and these these
boundary conditions I call it the things that will will prevent us
from progressing through from fighting hard against our desires
and against anything that's haram
and fixed beliefs. So you have to differentiate the fixed believes
is in the Quran and in the Sierra in the Sunnah of the Prophet
Muhammad SAW
So let's that should be our firm and fixed belief that we shouldn't
even negotiate about. And what is that fix believe part of it is
that Allah is the ultimate cure. He is capable of changing you he
is capable, but just take one step further in order to for who he is,
if I am sick, Allah is the only one to cure me. And by the way,
guys, addiction is a disease. But Jani This is what what medical
experts mentioned, addiction is a brain disease, it changes the
entire function of your brain, the structure of your brain physically
is changing as a result of your addiction. So it's a disease and
we have to deal with it as such.
Thirdly, you have to tell someone that you trust if you're married,
go rush to your wife and then I listen. I know how this gonna
sound but I'm addicted to * and I need help let
her scream in your face letter. You know,
Thoreau knew anything. I mean, literally, I mean, not literally
Shall I would just let let her take her anger out sometimes
that's that's the case sometimes woman would be cool about it in
the sense that okay, we will work we will move down that journey
together and sha Allah and so on. But tell your wife, if you are a
wife, I don't advise you to go and tell your husband now. But tell a
coach tell a dear sister because husband's reaction to this is
different than women unfortunately. So be be be be
honest and transparent about the whole story so that he can get the
necessary help. Fourthly, apply all the necessary blocker
software's in your home, protect your homes, guys, you will have
children soon, who might get addicted to these things. You
don't want them to live a journey of 20 years in the in this misery.
So get there is family zone that is covenant eyes, those who are
hearing me x, x three watch. Net nanny, there are plenty of
software's that can do that magic on its own team can block all this
nonsense from entering your home
and and finally inshallah to Allah
clean your environment from any year * or anything that
could lead to it. Have a structure in your in your in your life, you
know system in your life do's and don'ts and always always live in
company the Prophet Muhammad SAW Salah in one of the Hadith Yeah.
And he warned us about being alone in isolation behind closed doors,
because now you don't have only shaitan Shaitan to push you
towards that evil, but you have also your addiction. So definitely
you will be broken once you are behind closed doors. Definitely,
definitely definitely there is no end to get out of that cycle. So
this belief just solutions and chalobah There is absolutely
grateful. If you intended to find the recovery channel, it is a
colloquial Hey, that was Masha Allah so so much benefit packed
into that concise session. By the way, thank you so much. We
appreciate you with the work that you've decided to do. May Allah
subhanaw taala increase you and fair bless your family preserve
them and I also want to commend you as well for you know
empowering more people to do what you're doing by training more
coaches you know, in different parts of the world. You know, this
is this is this is just wonderful for our own man we're so blessed
to have you know people were doing this work Masha Allah
just Aquila Hayden and may Allah protect us.
We appreciate your 3am Start and maybe you can go back and get some
sleep and sha Allah since you know it's still the weekend. No, it's
Monday, it's Monday. And then three hours I'll be heading work
and shall name up for having me May Allah bless you and inshallah
hopefully whatever we've shared will be beneficial to the manchild
in sha Allah Allah that is the goal that is our, our sincere hope
is that whatever small efforts we do, Allah subhanaw taala
multiplies them and allows us to be a source of hair in this life.
And may we see the fruits of those good deeds on Yama, PM. I mean, I
mean, you're a badass I mean,
thank you system. Is that clear? Yeah, cool.