Naima B. Robert – The 3 Most Dangerous Myths About Self Love LaYinka Sanni
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the challenges of finding time for oneself and finding love, emphasizing the importance of finding one's own words and being honest. They also stress the importance of positive affirmations and listening to the "we" in group conversations. The speakers also emphasize the need for self-awareness and positive affirmations to help people feel connected to themselves. They stress the importance of finding one's own values and being treated with the way they deserve.
AI: Summary ©
Bismillah Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah. Welcome to Session
Two of the Muslimah self care conference. We are with Lee Inca
Sunni self transformation expert and I'm sure you all know her. So
Lee Inca, you may take it away, I'm going to come off video insha
Allah and hand the mic to you. Bismillah
Bismillah Sudan wherever they come Ladies, thank you so much for
coming to this session live. I know some of you are like, oh,
where's my tissues leaving because going to drop some truth bombs. I
really hope everyone did come with a with a handheld mirror. That's
something that I asked.
I asked you yesterday during our session yesterday to bring with
you because I do want to take you through something insha Allah. But
before we get started, I do want to know I want to let you know
that this is highly interactive. So this is as Alissa Nicole says,
I love when she says that this is a dialogue, not a monologue. So we
are going to be interacting, so make that chat box your friend.
For those of you who are on Facebook, I can't see your
comments. So I'm going to be relying on
my Nerima to to read them out to me in Sharla. So to kick us off,
what I'm going to be talking about really is the three three
dangerous myths about self love. And before we go into those myths,
I want you in the chatbox to tell me what is your definition of self
love, what does self love mean to you? I just wait for you ladies to
share what does self love mean to you?
That's waiting for the ladies to gather their thoughts inshallah.
sissified here says putting aside time to do things you enjoy. So
the Farheen says self love means to be loving, to be kind to be
compassionate and respect oneself. raffia says loving yourself
unconditionally flaws and all Showflat says accepting yourself
and Mariam says taking out time for yourself taking time out for
yourself
putting myself first having boundaries and loving myself all
the way
is that freedom Hamid my freedom Mohammed I'm curious
because that sounds like a an answer from from the program went
on together. And I'm grateful that you ladies are sharing all your
your thoughts and I hope ladies on Facebook you're also sharing our
thoughts too.
And the reason why I want to talk about self love and the myths
around self love is because we have we are in an age and age
where self care and self love and accepting yourself and all of that
self stuff is is big, right and reclaiming your power and all that
good stuff. And I'm curious to know when it comes to self love,
what are your greatest challenges
in terms of self love? What are your what's or maybe what's your
number one challenge in the realm of self love. So Jamila says
finding the difference between feeding my enough's
find the difference between feed and minus the ego and
authenticity. Interesting that Jimmy lays that in relation to my
question about definition of self love is that is that your
definition of self love? Okay, got it.
Okay, so some of the challenges are actually finding time for
myself I think he might have some inclination to what I will say
towards about that
forgiving myself for my mistakes which which is a big one as well.
Anyone else? What are your what's your number one challenge with
regards to self love
letting go of baggage
accepting my post baby's body, that's that's well and you know
what I would say that you wouldn't even be the first to feel that way
and you're not the only one to feel that way about accepting your
body after you've had children, except my look with all
Not
knowing how to do it to how to okay, that will be addressed.
Letting Go pain and quality time for myself, learning to say no and
not having to explain, recognize that I need to love myself. So
even just the recognition of needing to love yourself is the
challenge, let alone anything else outside of outside of them. Okay.
All right, so we've got some, we've got a real good collection
of answers there. And it's not the concept of self love, especially
in the realm of,
especially in amongst women is often seen as a really challenging
notion, because most of our messaging growing up culturally,
has been that women take care of others, women are there for
others, women serve others women are not seen as their own entity,
but they're seen only in relation to who they are attached to their
father, their mother, their husband, their children, their
employee, right, women on typically seen as just as this in
their standalone in like, as themselves. And so in this place
where we're reclaiming ourselves for ourselves. It's there are
loads of barriers and boundary barriers, I would say an obstacles
for us to break. But there are some myths around self love that I
really want to debunk in today's workshop. And the first one is
that self care activities mean that you love yourself, how many
of you have felt that self care activities running above, manicure
pedicure taking yourself out on a date is actually a manifestation
of loving yourself, how many of you have thought and felt that
before I dropped that particular myth?
Sometimes not that, not all the time, I did look at it that way, I
fill these out to to activity show love to the body, not the self.
insurify That is interesting. Interesting. Okay, so
the reason why this is a myth, right? The reason why self care
activities on actually a reflection of self love. So taking
care of yourself, physically,
taking yourself out on a date, buying yourself gifts, whatever it
might be as a self care, or even like a way a self love.
demonstration is not actually necessarily a reflection of you
loving yourself, because then we'll be when they're all women,
and maybe you're included, who will do all the self care
activities, they will go further to the spa, they'll have the
facial, they'll get their nails and feet done, they will go for
the massage, they will take them out, take themselves out on a
date, they will make themselves a cup of tea, run the bath. And yet
in the background, they still have a degree of self love, self
loathing. They still hate dislike themselves to a certain degree.
And so you can do all those things. And still find yourself in
a cycle of negativity and,
and putting yourself down even though you're doing those things.
So people often think that if I am doing these self care activities
and showing myself love, that means I love myself. It's not
true. It's not true. You can do all those things and still hate
yourself. You can do all those things and still loathe yourself
and think you're trash and think you're worthless and think you're
stupid and think you're dumb and a waste of space, you can actually
still do that. Because it's just a matter of doing. But when it comes
to self love, I want you to check who and how are you being to
yourself, not what you are doing for yourself, not the taking time
for yourself, not the things that you are buying for yourself, but
who are you being to, towards and for yourself.
Because when you check that you can put the activities aside and
look at who you are being I always say people have heard me say it,
that we are human beings, not human doings, and it's about
checking the woman that we're choosing to be raw
other than just the things that we choose to do.
And so I want you to do this, I want you to write now, in the
notebook that I know that you have, or the piece of papers that
aren't pieces of paper that I know you have, because you are here to
learn and you're here to grasp everything. I want you to write
down the most, the three most common phrases that you say about
yourself that are
dismissive, that are diminishing, that are degrading towards
yourself that are just not very kind, unkind, right? I want you to
write the three most common things that you tell yourself about your
self. Okay? And when you've got when you when you've got that
down, I just want you to type done in the chatbox. Okay, three
things, three,
three most common things you tell yourself on a regular basis.
Okay, so we've got
Sharif that says that one of the things is that she doesn't have
control of your emotions, okay. All right. So how many others have
got those three things down, just let me know whether done in the
chat box. Cool. And the reason why I'm saying done, if you feel like
sharing, you can share, that's fine. There is no obligation.
But I want you to actually own it for yourself more than need to
share it with us, I want you to own what you have written down.
Okay, so you've got these things down. And I want you to get that
handheld mirror out.
And I want you to look in your own eyes.
And say those words out loud to yourself.
Look into your eyes, in the mirror. So I hope you're using a
mirror and not a phone. Because there are two different devices,
two different things. One's the device on the mirror and look in
the mirror, look at yourself into your own eyes. And say those words
say those phrases their sentences out loud.
You are x you are this you are that right? Say out loud, like
you're speaking to yourself in the mirror.
And once you've done that type done in the chat box
okay
raffia you're the first to say done, how did that feel? How did
it feel? To say that those words those struggling those those
sentences out loud to yourself, Sarah? Or sorta? How did that
feel? To say it out loud to yourself, I want you to get real.
Let's be real here. We're here to learn. We're here to grow. We're
here to move. And we can only do that when we're honest. And real.
It felt negative to see them. Right? It didn't feel good. It was
heartbreaking. It brought tears to your eyes. And how Yes, yes. Do
you know the reason why I'm getting you guys, you ladies to
say it out loud, is because you don't understand how deep those
words cut.
Those words that you say to yourself about yourself in your
head, you don't know how deep they cut until you hear them.
In your head, you can almost justify them, give them a reason
for why they are true.
But when you say them, you hear how unkind they are, how really
heartbreaking they are.
And you know, you know that if it was a friend, saying those words,
you would tell her something? What would you say to a friend? If your
friend said those very same things that you just said to yourself
about herself? What would you tell her?
What would you say
for him says looking at myself in the mirror saying those things
that I wrote I am worthless, worthless. It was difficult and so
hard and I looked away from myself a few times it felt deeply I felt
deeply hurt right I
found it difficult after I said the first one I won't say those
things to you wouldn't you wouldn't say those things to
anyone but you say them to yourself.
You say them to the person
who should matter to you the most the human being who's alive who
should matter to you the most. Those are the words you're
uttering to her in your mind.
All right, so
If your friends said that if her friends said that Sarah says she
would say no, you are capable woman, your beautiful human being.
Freda says I will reassure her and tell her otherwise.
Ultimately, you would let her know that those words aren't true.
Right? You will let her know on some level that those self
deprecating phrases
are on true.
Right.
And yet, on some level, right now you feel and think that those
phrases are true about you.
I want let's get curious here.
Let's get curious here.
Who told you those things are true? Where did you hear those
phrases, that you're unworthy that you're dumb, that you're ugly,
that you can't do it, that you're not able to? That you don't have
control of your emotions? Who told you that? Because you heard that
from somewhere.
Finger
being go
from sometimes from parents, from a parent, from a spouse, yeah.
Someone told you that someone told you those things. At some level.
You've heard it from someone and you have absorbed that internalize
that and made that as your truth. And you're going around,
navigating your days, your weeks your months,
with these phrases, plastered on you.
You took someone else's words to be true.
And I want you right now to check it.
All they true.
What evidence do you have that makes those self deprecating
phrases? True?
What is the unshakable evidence that you have undeniable evidence
that you have that those phrases are true? What evidence do you
have?
So Habiba says some some of the things or friends or things that
friends in my life have said to me. So again, someone else who
have said these things.
Or fer says, I just believe it was from me, but actually it wasn't,
was it? Other people have said it? Yes. My love. Absolutely.
Habiba says, I'd know that they are not true, but constantly
hearing them has made them stick
constantly hearing them, you have decided that true. And I can you
see the shift in my language, though, has made them stick
assumes that someone else did it and has made them steak. But
actually, let's take ownership and responsibility and you decided
that they are true. You decided that you're useless, you're
worthless, you're ugly, incapable, etc, etc. You decided that
you decided to hold it on, onto a hold on to those phrases as truth.
And you know, the beauty of that, and I know it can sound harsh,
like what do you mean? lianca? What do you mean? They said it,
they made it they did it at a you know, when you realize that you
decided to make it true? And you are the ones who believe it's
true. You're the one who believes it's true. You have control to
change that around 180
Because if it's someone else you need to make them change that. But
when you take ownership and responsibility, you are empowered
with the power to change. You are empowered with the choice to
choose differently for yourself.
All right.
Freda you must hear the words from someone. Most of the time you've
heard them or you've taken meaning from something that's happened and
decided
That means that you're so for instance, let's say that you fail
an exam. Yeah, someone might not have have made a comment about
that specifically, but because of maybe an expectation or, or
something like that, you decided that that failure of the exam
means that you're dumb means that you're incapable. Right?
Right. So it's so in some cases, it is implicit in implicit it's
not as explicit. But you have taken that meaning on from
something from something that's happened right.
Now you don't have evidence that is true. And the beauty of that is
now you can choose differently for yourself. What would be true?
Instead of those things that you have decided are true, you're
dumb, you're stupid, you're incapable etc.
What is actually true?
And let us bring Allah subhanho wa Taala into the picture.
Allah, Malakal, Mulk and highlight the greatest
what? Who did he put on this earth when he said couldn't for you to
be here? Did he put someone down? Did he put someone who's useless?
Did he put someone in capable?
Is that what you're saying about Allah? Surely not. So what are you
saying? What do we what uh, what's the truth here? Especially that
the way you see yourself is a reflection of how you see Allah.
All right. So what do you say what what is true about you? Really?
Allah is perfect and he has made me to be perfect in how he wanted
you to be. That's really beautiful. I know your name is not
Ibrahim Shabbir but I don't know what your
apologies my lovely I know that when we use when when some of you
use a family members Zoom account it comes up as a different name to
your actual name.
But what is the truth who aren't? What is the truth about who you
really are and how you really are? But you
got it?
What's the truth?
What is the truth because you have evidence for the truth
lack of relationship is your lack of relationship with Allah is a
reason for your low self worth.
Just because you have a lack of a relationship with Allah does that
mean that you're left with your your worth or your value is trash?
Not me. Let me give you an example that I always give my clients
you take a nugget of gold
Yeah.
You take a nugget of gold and you chuck it into some manual or under
some trash and it gets buried in the trash. Would you say that that
gold has taken has as
become devalued because of the trash that it's buried under?
Amara I will absolutely
address what you've just said. Thank you for sharing.
i It would be really useful to say what what you disagree with by the
way because I'm not sure what you're referring to. If you took
that nugget of gold and chopped it into manual does it reduce the
value of that gold?
No, it doesn't.
You wouldn't suddenly say that because it's in manure it now
lacks worth lakhs of value.
You know it's still a nugget of gold and it holds value and it has
worth Imagine seeing yourself like that.
That you are a nugget of gold that Allah subhanho wa Taala has
decided to bring into this world.
He this your your entire existence is a manifestation of a beautiful,
beautiful sign of winning the fact that that one sperm made it
through
to that egg. Your beginning came from winning.
Right?
And so what leads you to degrade yourself and to put yourself down
sis
Yes, you might not be perfect who is? Yes, you've been through some
stuff. Okay, so as everyone else, right? Does that mean that your
value and your worth is nothing
Does that mean that your value and worth is nothing because you've
made mistakes you've done some things you've been through some
some things, people have said some things about you. And now that you
that you are just trash really
really
Amanda says I disagree that because of a lack of connection
with a lie, you have low self
esteem, okay, that's, that's not in relation to anything I've said.
And the reason why I'm bringing this for you ladies is to see
those of you especially who are engaging in self care activities,
that's not necessarily a reflection of how you see
yourself. And this is an invitation for you to check in
with and make shifts to the way you view yourself. Because you may
say that you're looking after yourself and still and still
treat yourself like trash in your own head.
You might be taking steroids to kick you're taking care of
yourself externally.
Right.
But are you taking care of yourself internally in the way you
think and feel about yourself, the way you see and perceive yourself?
All you taking care of yourself for reals because that that self
care
that is a manifestation and a reflection of yourself love.
Okay, so I just want to check in with everyone everyone's still
breathing, everyone's still good.
How are you feeling?
Everyone, okay.
Allah gave each of us unconditional worth and it exists
and exists regardless of what others say, or our productivity or
success. I believe that but still find it so hard to remember
sometimes, you know,
look, look at the Quran. I always love just looking at the Quran as
a reflection of so many learnings and lessons that we can take and
how we go about with things for ourselves. You forgetting is not
you forgetting is is not a
doesn't mean that you're bad, or there's something wrong, it hasn't
sunk in deeply. It's just a human condition. And that's why in the
Quran, when Allah talks to us about things, he repeats himself,
he repeats it over the same scenes, the same topics over and
over again in the Quran.
Right? Not because he didn't say it, not because he because he knew
that we would forget. We are inherently forgetful. And that's
why reminders benefit the believers, reminders are useful,
and we will forget and it's important that we have a means to
remind ourselves and we and just like the person who sat in front
of you, I also benefit from being reminded because we are humans and
we inherently forget so it's okay that you forget it doesn't mean
that you haven't done the work it doesn't mean that you're failing
it doesn't mean that oh my god, I've gone backwards. No, no, no,
it's just a reflection of your humanity. And inherently you will
forget and accepting that allows you to move forward and not push
yourself down like oh, I look at you because listen when I have my
moments Yeah. And I might be having a meltdown with my 16 year
old son
and he's like Mom
what's going on? Mike? What's happening? I could at that moment
push myself into a corner and say what a failure us you teach women
about how to control their state and blah blah blah look at you
what what a mess What a mess. But no, no, no, no, no, I'm a human
and I will forget and I will earn I will trip and I will fall and I
will pick myself up again but in the late Darina okay
powerful reminder My thinking is a true manifestation of my my self
love and self care. I love that connection from the Quran. I
appreciate appreciate you too SIS. We need hamdulillah
Yes, we do love the lessons that our 16 year old songs give us yes
we do. hamdulillah Okay, awesome. So who's ready for Who's ready for
Myth number two
could taking care of the external self through self care activities
be the science centers have something going on with the
internal self possibly
possibly, or they, they could be a band aid and being used as a
runaway mechanism to not have to face it. So some people feel down
instead of doing something about it, they go on by themselves
stuff, retail therapy, you know, numbing behavior. That's not
taking care of yourself, sis, that's nothing that's running away
from your mess. That's pretending that's hiding.
So, it's, it's, it's read, that's why I say it's never a reflection
of what of your, you know, your self love because some people do
self care activities as a way of running away from actually doing
the necessary work to work on themselves. Okay.
So the first myth is self care activities mean that you love
yourself.
Okay, so they are not a reflection. So number two, self
love is all about telling yourself that you love yourself.
Lies
it's not you can tell yourself that you love yourself and still
hate yourself.
How many people have used positive affirmations?
How many people use positive affirmations?
Occasionally did it for a while didn't change a thing, a model.
It has no effect of like, I'm lying to myself. I was big on
positive affirmations in my teenage years. Occasionally.
I use positive affirmations. Not use it before me. Okay. All right,
cool.
Now, anyone who's done any of my programs or anything with me in
the past, you will know that I always say that positive
affirmations are not enough without doing the real work. So I
want you to imagine you've got a bleeding wound. Yeah.
And then suddenly, you come and just wrap it.
What's gonna end up happening to the dressing, what's gonna end up
happening?
You've got a bleeding wound, you put a dressing on it.
What's gonna happen is going to seep through.
It's gonna seep through. Right?
Right. Because you haven't taken care of the wound, you haven't
done surgery.
That's one of my clients know that every time we have a group
session, I call it the Inca surgery. They're not gonna go
deep. There's no band aids out here or bandages. You need to do
the work. First.
You need to do the work, the internal work, the digging up the
mess. Coming straight from a mess. Like with mess and just using
positive affirmations in the mirror. I'm also I'm an amazing,
I'm great. I'm this I'm not. And then your mind is like, yeah,
yeah, you feel pumped for like, 3.5 seconds. Yeah. And then the
real beliefs come through, like girlfriend, you lie and you lie in
lies, lies, right?
You just feel like nothing works. It's not that nothing works.
positive affirmations actually have that place.
I feel like they and I believe in the work that I do. I've done it.
I've seen it, that they are only surface level, they aren't the
solution to the problem of your self hatred of your self loathing
of your low self esteem or low self worth. They are not the
solution. They can be part of the solution. But they are they are
only surface level. And I want to I want to demonstrate this to you
real quick.
I want you to just say no, no, no, no, don't say out loud. I want you
to just think in your mind.
You're such an idiot. You're such a fool. In your mind. Yeah. Over
and over. Just do it a couple of times and in the chat box. Once
you're done in the chat box, just type done.
Such a fool. You're so useless, whatever it might be, say over in
your head. I'm sure it wasn't hard, ladies. Okay. Now what I
want you to do, I want you to now replace that with You're amazing.
You're phenomenal. You're beautiful. You're wonderful. Just
rip
He thought over and over and over and over again
and your head and tell me tell me what happens.
What happens
Amara feels like she feels like loving, they don't makes no
difference. I believe the positive things I'm saying the negative
that gets you things keep popping back up. Of course they do. The
negative programming, the negative words will always reign supreme,
reign supreme.
Right, they will always reign supreme, your mind can't hold too
negative to two opposing beliefs at the same time. The polar the
negative, the unusable and resourceful one will always win
every single time.
So no matter how much you hype yourself and say, No, I could do
it. I could, I could, I can do it. That voice of doubt will come back
if you allow it to now.
I want you to allow that voice to come back.
I want you to allow that like the mind trash to come back.
And just
like a radio, I want you to just lower it a little bit. And make it
sound like Mickey Mouse Donald Duck. Homer Simpson. Okay.
And as it sounds like Homer Simpson, Mickey Mouse, Donald
Duck, just turn the volume down further until it switches off
completely.
And again, done in the chat box when you're done and let me know
when that's done.
Now, Sarah, because you came first and I hope I'm saying Sarah,
Sarah, I'm gonna just switch between the two because I know it
could be either one of those. How was that to turn it off? What was
that like?
What was that like to change it? Change it? Change a little bit,
and then switch it all the way down until it clicked off? What
was that like for you?
Empower empowering a motto says.
Subhan Allah indeed ha
Sapan and Harlock Sapan and Hurlock? Truly.
Come on everyone. Like you guys couldn't have like been so
bewildered by that that you've gone quiet.
Right. So when you heard it like Donald Duck, it was like, shut up.
Me. Debbie. Debbie said, um, don't be so silly. Me. Right. You can't
take it seriously.
You can't take it seriously, when it's in a different voice.
It sounded absolutely daft.
But if he I would say change that change who it sounds like change
it to Donald Duck. Mickey Mouse, Homer Simpson,
Bart Simpson, change it to someone else and see how easy it is to
turn it off. See, when you hear your voice, right? saying those
words. You believe it? Because it's in your tone. It's in your
voices in your head. Right. But when it sounds like Donald Duck,
when it sounds like Mickey Mouse when it sounds like like Homer
Simpson or whoever it might be, you can't take it seriously
because it's it sounds ridiculous. And you realize actually how
ridiculous those words sound. And then it's so much easier to turn
it off. Now with it off. I want you now. Right? I want you now to
put those good words back in. So you're amazing. You're lovable.
You're incredible. You're beautiful.
Bring it all back. Bring it all back. Yeah, bring all of that
back.
And with those words back, I want you to adjust the sound. Adjust
the tone, adjust the volume of those words. So they sound like
someone who loves you and cares for you deeply
So a voice tone, the voice tone,
volume pitch of someone who cares, and loves for you deeply
loves and cares for you deeply.
And how does it feel hearing it like that.
And I'm not saying it needs to be any particular person, by the way.
But you know the tone of love for you,
you know, the tone of care for you, you know, the tone of
consideration for you, and what you would be what you would
determine to be a tone of love and consideration and care. So it
doesn't, you don't need to, it doesn't need to be an actual
person at all. So when I do it, I don't do it in anyone else's tone.
But I do it in a tone that is right. For me, that feels like
love that feels like care that feels like consideration. Because
you could have people who love and care for you, and they don't talk
to you in that way.
But you know, what feels like care what feels like love what feels
like consideration.
Okay, so change that up, Laura,
to match that for yourself. And the beautiful thing is it doesn't
because it's not someone you can choose for yourself. You don't
need to, you know, it doesn't need to be someone else.
Sada says it brought a huge smile to my face and a lot of tears and
it felt it made, I felt my heart just warm, right? That feels good.
That feels good. It feels beautiful. It's deeper than just a
bland or positive affirmation.
It's you taking care of yourself in a deeply loving way through the
words that you use in your head.
And I always say to, I always say to people say to clients, it's not
about just aiming to override the negative with the positive. It's
about actually allowing yourself to shut down that negative so that
you can hear the positive.
And I don't believe that's true to you. But I do not believe that you
can't. And the reason why I say I don't believe that you can't is
because the fact that anyone can do it is it's Allah has given you
the ability. Allah Karim. Allah has given us the ability, there's
a block, let's own there's a block there. But it doesn't mean that
you don't have the ability to
which is the word can't count as a reflection of ability. Can I all
contact? Allah has given you ability to do this. He has given
you such great power over your own mind Subhanallah maybe you're not
accustomed to it, maybe there's a block, maybe there's a part of you
that doesn't even want to believe it. That's that might be the case.
Do you have the ability to? Yes, you do.
You absolutely do have the ability.
Okay.
So you might be struggling and finding it a challenge. That's
okay, that's okay. But you do have the ability to do it. Okay. So
rounding ourselves back to self love. Self love is not just about
telling yourself that you love yourself. It's about paying
attention really to what you are telling yourself. It's not about
positive affirmations. It's about checking in with yourself and what
you are saying about yourself, allowing yourself to you use that
particular tool to check in with any particular words that you
might be using phrases that you might be using and shutting them
down. Of course, it's not the real deep inner work, but it's still a
tool to use to shut it down and to allow yourself to take back
control because what we don't realize is that for most of us,
this these words are running on autopilot and they are running
your day. They are running your life.
They are running what you are saying as possible for you. They
are running, what you are going for and not going for what you are
allowing for yourself or not allowing for yourself. When you
tell yourself you're useless and you're worthless.
You will allow people treat you that way.
When you believe that you are trash, you allow people to treat
you that way. When you believe that you aren't worthy. You won't
even stand up for
Your rights you won't use your voice to express your needs.
So it is about checking in with what you are saying what you are
believing about yourself because they will be those words will be a
reflection in your life and that will be your reflection in the way
people treat you
the third myth
Are you ready
are you ready for the third and final myth about self love
number three,
loving yourself
I'm gonna, just that towards the end.
I know that's why like, everyone's quiet over because they're
protesting is like snap
number three.
Then, the third myth is that loving yourself means others will
love you too.
That's a myth.
You loving yourself does not mean that others will treat you with
the love and the consideration that you deserve.
And the reason why I want to bring this is because I have found in my
time in the work that I do that people often women specifically,
often get into the realm of loving themselves and working on their
love so that they can gain the love of their spouse
but just because you love yourself, it doesn't mean that
someone will love you.
Or even treat you in the way that you deserve. It doesn't mean that
they will you have zero control over that.
And so I always say I always say to sisters, love yourself because
you are deserving to love yourself. You are deserving of
that love from yourself not as a means for others to love You and
to treat you in the way you want to be treated.
Love yourself because you are worthy of that point blank period
not because of someone else
okay not because you want some someone else to show up for you in
a certain way.
If you are inadvertently trying to get to someone you know someone to
treat you some way so you think yeah, let me just you know act
confident and and love myself. It's not going to work.
Love yourself for yourself. Love yourself because you are worthy of
it. Love yourself because you
are a sign of Allah
love yourself because you are a sign of Allah subhanho wa Taala
I'm gonna leave you with that just just just a second. Just
hold on to that one for a second
because that one there, that piece right there.
That's the nugget. That is the one of everything that I've shared
today. You can like you can legit just throw everything to the wall.
But I want you to walk away with that specifically
to love yourself because you are a sign
of the Lord of the worlds
and he has favored you. He says in the Quran. He has favored you
about all his creation. You
Yes, specifically you the collective us and you specifically
he has
favored you specifically over all the gazillion million billion
creation that we have that we know that we don't know that exists,
right? He has favored you.
And because he has favored you, you are inherently worthy of love.
Loving yourself. And I say that as a as I say, and I say that because
when we speak of being worthy of love, we always think it has to be
from another human being.
What about the human being you see in your reflection
What about her
you seek it from him, you seek it from them you seek from this, you
seek it from that, what about from yourself
and another thing that I want to add here is people's reflection
people's be treatment of you.
Is not a reflection of your worth.
How people treat you, the love or the lack of love, they treat you
they give you is not a reflection of your worth, and your value
at all.
Because people treating you like trash, you'll think that you are
trash you're not
is people who are treating you like trash. Okay
lots of process out here. And I do want you I do want to leave you
with
the last reminder that how you treat yourself not externally, how
you treat yourself internally is a reflection of your self love. So
you can do all the things by all the things you can have the
husband, you can have the children, you can have all the
things right.
But it's not about that or them. It's all about here and here. What
you are doing here for yourself to yourself, is truly a manifestation
and reflection
of your love for your self. And I pray that Allah subhanaw taala
helps us all to love ourselves as his sign and that we are able to
show up in the world from a place of loving ourselves and that
permeates all the decisions that we make. It leads to the what we
focus on what we choose for ourselves what we don't choose for
ourselves and that he takes us when He is pleased with us
Allahumma me neuropil al Amin is our common law affair. Ladies it
has been an honor and a privilege to have this time with you to
bring some
some some truths break down those myths
hamdulillah there's a colossal failure and yeah like Inca thank
you so so so much for that Masha Allah Yeah, I think there is lots
to process for everyone so Alhamdulillah good thing that
there is a recording of this. And it's also available for you guys
to watch in the Facebook group as well in sha Allah
any last words for US ally income before we shut before we close up
this session, just want to say just a favor and for always being
honest with us. And being you know that that Auntie it's not really
an anti, but you know that it has to be an auntie figure who's
pointing you out? You know? Because it has to be Mashallah.
Yeah.
I know, it's like, you can't really well, I'm not young, you
know, I know I look at but I'm not.
I feel like you're in my auntie but you're not my auntie because
you're younger than me. But still, it's the energy, you know.
And handily learned, do you know what it's, I think it comes from
me, I do a lot of this from looking at my previous self,
right. And those of you who most of you don't know that my middle
name is Rama. And my old self always used to go by that name.
And I, whenever I put something out whenever I'm doing something,
it's always with dear Rama, because I'm talking to her, that
person who has been on the journey over the last few, you know, four
or five years.
And just saying things that I wish someone had pulled me up and said,
right, hold it hold like to come, come Come and sit down. Let's
talk, right. These are the things that I share. It comes from that
place.
And I do want to say, I know that those of you who have followed me,
you know that I just spit truth. I just don't I just keep it 100
Hamdulillah. My team and I have brought out a book of Lean Katroo
to 25 leading countries that has also an audio companion so you can
hear my voice. We need to hear you know.
So if, if you want access to that you can just go to lean
cassandra.com forward slash truths and that's immediate
be available in sha Allah. It comes with a book comes with
journaling space, because I asked the questions, you know, I'm
getting you to move
scuttles off over to the internet, but I think a.com/druids scuttled
over
Yes ladies ya know you won't get that well you can post the link in
the Facebook group for the attendees to be able to access it
and of course we will give it out to the list as well in sha Allah.
Wonderful. May Allah bless all the work that you continue to do and
allow you to continue to do that work. You know I love you for the
sake of Allah and I know that everybody here does as well Masha
Allah does Ecolo hater for sharing the space with us. And we love
you. We love you too. I love you too.
Everyone take a break for the next session in Charlotte and I will
see you back here for our next session. I believe it's the final
session of the day. Am I right? Am I dreaming? Is the final session
of today? No, we have to
offer at five UK time for postpartum and we have just a race
at seven for the divorcees. So yeah, don't miss those insha Allah
guys, we'll see you in the Facebook group. Does that come a
little faded? So how like Allahumma Robina behind the
eyeshadow and La Ilaha and was stuck through quite one or two we
like so when they come or any concern