Naima B. Robert – SISTERS! Raise your standards! REACTION Br Nasir alAmin
AI: Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of setting standards and regulation of emotions during sex, as well as the use of plastic bags and carry-on bags to prevent damage to personal items. They stress the need for acceptance and understanding of one's own emotions and feelings, as well as acknowledging fallibility and discomfort in certain situations. The speakers emphasize the importance of men being recognized and letting know what they should be, creating a new narrative for people to make their own choices, and working with someone to avoid unnecessary behavior. They stress the importance of showing proper presentation to women to their family and improving their standards and communication.
AI: Summary ©
Bismillah Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Guys,
this is your sister name and be Robert here. And this is a live
broadcast from stream yard. And we are testing something I'm hoping
in sha Allah it will work. If you can hear me just let me know in
the comments if you can hear me if you can see me if everything is
working from your end, because you know how things go with my
connection sometimes. So in sha Allah Insha Allah, we are we said
that we were going to do a live reaction to one of my one of my
most famous videos, Hydra says I sound amazing because I
collaborate and says I'm very pleased to hear this. May Allah
make it continue. I mean Alhamdulillah everyone can hear me
This is great. Okay, so we're getting techie with it. We're
getting techie with it. Today we are guys make sure that you give
this a thumbs up. And if you're not a subscriber, please subscribe
to the channel. We're on our way to 40,000 subscribers, which is
absolutely amazing. And today, I'm going to be doing a reaction to as
I said, one of my most infamous and famous videos, it was a rant.
And it was a there were actually three videos in this rant. And
they were all about.
It was basically me expressing my views on the way that single
mothers and divorces are seen in the community, and just approaches
to marriage and stuff like that. Now, if you've been following my
content, then you know that my views have changed somewhat
uncertain things. I've been called some very interesting names in the
past few days or past few weeks past few months. I think the
latest one on my comments was that I'm a misogynist. And that I have
no compassion. People have called me a pick me people have called me
all sorts of names, toxic, anti this phobic that all sorts of
things. So I wanted to get on and rewatch those videos and see and
to share with you guys what I still think is valid, and maybe
certain points that need to be explained. And then others that I
actually do not agree with any more and that my views have
changed on right so guys, if that sounds good to you, Inshallah,
just give me a thumbs up okay, and invite anybody that you want this
in sha Allah, I am going to set up this as I said, it's my first time
doing it. I'm supposed to be having a guest coming on to join
me as well secret guests surprise guests. But hey, we'll take it one
step at a time in sha Allah. Let me know first and foremost if
you've actually seen those videos, and if you know the ones that I'm
talking about, the one we're going to look at today is sisters raise
your standards. There is another one as well on sisters do you
really need a man that's the one that got the brothers triggered?
For sure. And then there's another one just wrapping everything up in
sha Allah so let me get that set up. You guys can like share this
video if you want call some other people into the room. Let me get
this set up for us now Sharla.
Right guys, can you see can you see now sr 100 says have you have
a moment can you give a short summary of how your viewpoints
have changed? Now I will actually have to go back
I have to go back I want to watch the videos again because I
actually don't remember everything that I said. So that's part of the
reason why we're doing this this reaction. So yes, thank you I did
say I was going to do this a while back now but I've been scared of
the scared of the the the tech side of things. Because it is a
bit fiddly when you've got a video and I know some people mashallah
they do this all day every day, you know, watching a video and
then kind of commenting on it. I've not done it before. So it's a
bit it's a bit daunting, but hamdulillah thank you so much for
your interest in it. And like I said, I don't remember everything
I said. So some things I'll probably be cringing. Other things
I'll be co signing and other things I'll be saying what stuff
and Allah so let's see how it goes. I do believe that my my
secret guest my co host is in Sharla signing in. So once the
brothers here then we'll be able to go in King so Tom says
This is just a name of from the past. Yes, I know people make a
lot of assumptions about that sister name, actually. And I think
that people may be judged to me in a particular way. One of the most
common comments on these three videos is brothers saying single
sisters keep other sisters single, right? All saying that I'm a
bitter divorce See, why am I putting my business out into the
world? I'll tell you guys a secret. I was not single when I
made these videos, okay? I was not a divorcee when I made these
videos, so just know that these videos were not coming from a
place of pain on my part, or, you know, like, I wasn't in any kind
of difficult situation, I was actually married at the time. So
that's the first thing that I want to debunk. But like I said, you
know, I we're gonna go through it all, Inshallah, and I love the
fact that you guys are here and that I can see your comments.
Because it means that we can actually have a dialogue. So just
make sure that my guest is able to sign in with no problems, and that
we have no issues with the stream. And yeah, we can, that we can make
this happen in sha Allah. So first and foremost, off the bat. Two of
the titles, I think definitely got people's backs up to the point
that I don't think they even watch the videos. They just saw the
title. And they were like, oh, so sisters, raise your standards. Let
me know in the chat. What that says to you. When you hear sisters
raise your standards, do you think? Yes, exactly. And somebody
did say that actually. They said, you know, yeah, we shouldn't we
shouldn't be with losers. So that's one reaction. Other people
have a more negative reaction to being sisters being told to raise
their standards. So let me know in the chat, where you stand on it.
And then the other video, I have to say I was being a bit naughty.
There was a bit of clickbait going on, because I entitled it I titled
it, sisters, do you really need a man? And the brothers did not like
that at all? No, no, they did not like that at all. And I think that
many of the brothers who have commented on that video, don't I
don't think they even watch the video. They just saw. Oh, great.
So now sister name a B. Robert is telling the sisters they don't
need no man. Right. So she's one of those people right? So yes.
Let me know in the chat. What? What that what that came across to
you you Vaughn says to me, it means self confidence, know your
values or learn to set boundaries. Okay. King says I'm not gonna lie.
It sounds a bit feminist. But we shouldn't judge a book by its
cover. Exactly. Okay, so keep it coming. Guys. Tell me your
thoughts. Tell me your visceral response to that title. And then
we'll take it from there in sha Allah. And yes, please do click
the Like button. Okay, so you can support the channel. If you're not
a subscriber. What are you waiting for? Subhan Allah guys, I want to
tell you while I'm waiting for my guests to come in, I'm so sorry.
My Alicia had some some scheduling issues today. However, I did a an
interview with Baba Ali, another one. And I'll be releasing it next
week in Sharla. So definitely want to look out for that. But he said
something to me at the end of that interview that was so
so moving, and so surprising. I did not expect it at all. And, you
know, he said at the end of the conversation, you'll see it on the
on the video. At the end of the podcast, he said, You know, I want
to say this before we end up that, you know, people have been talking
to me about your platform. They've been talking to me about this
channel. I've heard more about this channel, and the
conversations that you're having on this channel than I have
anywhere else for the past couple of months. Subhan Allah and he
said brothers and sisters, just I just been hearing about these
conversations that you guys are having. So Pamela then, now, I'm
sure you guys know that when Allah subhanaw taala chooses to use you
to benefit the people. This is a lie is one of the biggest honors
in this in this world. Right? And that's what we pray for. Right? We
pray that Allah subhanaw taala will use us to benefit the people.
And I pray insha Allah that the conversations we have on this
platform are beneficial, right, that they that they that they
help, that they guide that they inspire that they motivate that
they teach, you know, I'm not here, just like just to run my
mouth off, you know, just so we can walk, get some ad dollars.
Like that's not what this is about. This is part of southern
Nigeria, for me and for everybody else that I involve on this
platform. So those of you who've been here from the beginning,
those of you who are supporters of the channel, I thank you and I
reshare it every single one of you that has shared a video that has
commented on the video that has told others about it, and I guess
more importantly, taken something that they've heard on this channel
and applied it in their lives Pamela because this is this is why
we do this work. This is why we do this work. So let's get to it in
Sharla let's see if we can add my co host to the stream. Let me know
just give me a thumbs up when you're ready in sha Allah says
Yvonne says that the title says to her knowing your worth and not
being undermined, also aiming high and allowing yourself to aim high
and being worthy of the best of the best Ah, I love this okay,
this is gonna be so interesting. So I want to let I want to see if
anybody can guess who my mystery guest is that I'm going to add to
the stream now. Just post in the chat if you can guess who is going
to be joining me for this reaction. I would love to see who
you think is going to be joining and maybe doing some cooking and
some challenging and some you know feet to the fire type of work. Let
me know in the chat if you can think who it might be. But yes, I
just want to say that I want to say I appreciate every single one
of you. I thank you for being here for being a part of this and it's
an honor really if people are benefiting from the channel
benefiting from these conversations and of course all my
wonderful guests who come and they give you know all their their
heart and their and their and their knowledge and their time so
that we can benefit you know, And subhanAllah just with the marriage
conversation alone we're talking something like 800,000 views or
something like this something that something mad so let's see. It
looks like the camera has stalled there. Oh, no, there it is. Salam
aleikum.
Right I need to make sure your mic is on and I'm not hearing you at
the moment guys. Let me know if you can hear Brother Nasser. The
guesses were that it was MACD joining me tonight. No not Maddie.
Sister said is it Lanka sunny Well, obviously it's not laying
concerning Mashallah. Not yes, me and Majah had either not Mohamed
hijab it's brother Nassif mashallah brother now, so can you
hear me?
I can't hear you though. Guys. Can you hear him? Because I can't hear
him. Let me know in the chat. They're very active in the chat
tonight. Mashallah, we've got a lovely, lovely group of people in
here. But yeah, you're I'm not hearing you.
Nope.
No, they can't hear you either. Okay. So it's not just me this
time. I'm the law.
Right guys, like I said, let's remember what I said, which is
that we're going to have, we're going to have teething problems
because it's our first time. So Slavonic and brother Nasir,
welcome to the channel. Welcome to the stream. Just keep testing your
mic. And then once you're once you are, once we can hear you, then
I'll put you back on the screen. Okay. Hamdulillah. So, nice
guesses, guys? Good guesses. None of these people at the moment
except for Lane Casone are booked to come onto the platform. But who
knows, right? Who knows which doors Allah subhanaw taala will
open for us to be able to have some good conversations mashallah
Frick silky says, I appreciate the awareness you are trying to create
regarding the topics you delve into on this channel, refinement
and reflection of opinions and morals are being created and
challenged. Allahu Akbar, thank you so much. Thank you so much, I
appreciate you, I appreciate all of you on here. Thank you so much,
you know, these these types of topics, it can be really easy for
us to kind of either have a very kind of dry, informal scholarly
approach, which is which is great for the people of knowledge, who
are able to carry those types of those those kinds of that kind of
discourse. And when we are talking with a large variety of people, it
can be difficult, you know, to to get to get the right amount of
kind of personality, and gravitas. seriousness, so I pray that we
strike the balance. How are we doing, brother? Can you hear me?
You tell me Can you hear me? Oh yes, we can very, very much so
much.
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen. Now, last time we did a show, the the
viewers complaint. And you know why? They complain? They complain.
They complain that your mic was much louder than mine. So guys,
let me know in the chat if our levels are out of sync is Brother
Nasser much louder than I
Am I do I need to increase my volume talk to me because we want
to go into this reaction guys. Yeah, just let me know if our
levels are okay. Testing testing on my side. What about you,
brother?
You're good. You're good for me. I can hear you very good. Okay,
good. Clear.
Crystal clear. Okay, so we've got a video. I'm hoping it's gonna
work inshallah. So that's it. We're gonna start with advice to
my sisters. Raise your standards, guys, if you can't hear the
brother or me. And if our levels are off, speak now or forever hold
your peace.
Yvonne says I'm a little quieter. But it's fine, of course, because
I'm the sister. shyster says slightly louder, brother and adult
says it's perfect. So it's the three the three bears I guess.
Hamdulillah. So quick question. Quick question, since this is our
first reaction on the candidate conversations show.
How do you want to do this? Do I ask you to pause when I have
something? What are we gonna do? Let's do that. Let's definitely do
that. Inshallah. Yeah, so we'll watch and you know, just shout
out. I always pause as well. When when when I want to say something
but if you have something to say just like interject, and I will. I
will borrow says the brothers mic is slightly louder. That's fine,
because he's a man exactly in it. But also the fact that your mic is
much better than mine. So yes, please hit the like button guys
missed it. Let's let's, let's move. Let's do this. Okay, let's
see Bismillah with freedom from the situation that she's in,
happened. Okay, Jeremiah, I pray that Allah Subhana Allah blesses
us with all the blessings of this day. Can you hear now y'all know?
Unfortunately, I very rarely get on Instagram or Facebook Live?
Well,
okay.
First of all, I can tell you a tone
that you ready to come with the smoke, I don't know what you're
going to say. I haven't seen this. So this is a note for sisters.
Because this has come up in the life that I was just on.
In terms of how you approach a husband, how you approach a man
and we discussed this on the show.
This right here, Exhibit A of not the tone you use when you approach
a husband.
Proceed. Okay, take notes, guys. Okay, take notes because we're
going to be coming at this from all of the angles. It is true, I
was ready to I was ready to bring the smoke I was ready to come with
it as you guys know if you've seen the videos, right? And I already
preface this by letting people know that I was married at the
time of this filming. Okay, so I was not the divorcee that I was
talking about and I was not the single mom that I was talking
about. So it was not coming from a place of personal pain or
bitterness just everyone needs to know the context I just wanted to
come on here because I just received a message that really
really upset me from a sister and I'm not going to go into the
details of her message has to do with her marriage etc Okay and I
asked right now that I lost planet Allah bless her with
with healing and with freedom from the situation that she's in in the
very best way okay, I mean for all of you me I was being good I want
to say
this is a message everybody out there I know most of you
all the all of this sisters Exhibit B
all of this this hand motion all this just just again
when you about to approach a husband and you have a valid
concern and I'm sure you got one guy on the phone with with the
system about it. I'm sure this is valid there's a reason
righteousness is behind this. We tell already as a man,
the tone that the all it is, yeah, the three the three tugs on in the
car. See that's like improvement in the states we got this thing
like in some neighborhoods, you know when assisted pull out the
Vaseline. Take off the earrings. That's when you know it's about to
be on and popping the smoke is about to come. Yeah, so when
there's like the little three tugs on in the car, that's when you
know the sister undid his baggy that business. See. Exhibit C
don't do the three tugs before you tall and four wands okay for one
let's go
guys are will be sisters.
But the brothers as well. I've noticed that you come up over
here. I know you creep up on here and I know that you listen to me
And so I'm going to address you as well. But this is specifically for
sisters who find themselves in a situation and I have talked about
this before, but sisters who find themselves in a situation where
they are being disrespected, or they are being humiliated on a
regular basis where they are being abused. Okay. I have
Oh,
back to you.
When the ads in the ads interrupt the stream, oh, whoa, whoa, sorry
about this guys. Manish.
I have a really, at the moment, I really don't have it in me to kind
of bring it because I'm kind of tired. Okay, I'm tired. But I'm
not too tired to tell you something very, very important.
And I want you to take this message. And I don't want you to
get all inspired and all hyped up and oh, well, since the name
already brought it. Yes. You told them and all of that stuff. I'm
not interested in that. Okay, because at the end of the day,
hype is cheap. Okay, hype is cheap. What we want guys is
transformation. What we want is change. What we want is progress,
evolution growth. That is what we want. Okay, not hype. So when I
say this to you, I really want you to listen with your ears. Let it
go into your brain and listen with your heart. Okay?
Please guys, ladies in particular, set a standard for yourself.
Set a standard.
That standard is what you are willing to accept.
That's what I said what you are willing to accept, okay. You want
people to treat you better raise your standard people will try
unfortunately human beings are like this. They will treat you as
badly as you allow them to treat you once you stop allowing them to
treat you in that way they will stop doing it because they realize
that oh this is not working anymore. This is not this is not
the kind of this is not happening anymore. This is she's not
available for this anymore. And listen to me I'm so sorry. And the
reason I'm so upset about this and
the reason I'm so upset about this is because I have had too many
messages from sisters while logging and breaks my heart too
many messages from sisters whose husbands have treated them like
trash and continue to treat them like trash again and again and
again. They have a baby for him he treats them like trash they have
baby number two he's still treating them like trash he gets
wife number two still treating them like trash baby number three
treat them like trash divorce you Yeah, then in your undertake you
back still treat you like trash and you keep being available for
his BS. You keep begging for him. You keep accepting it, you keep
apologizing, you keep accommodating, you keep enabling.
What the Hey, why would he change? I have sisters who come on and
they say things like I hope that he would change I hope that he
would become a good man. He's not a good man. He's an idiot whoa
Narcissus oh
oh whoa
wait wait wait wait wait
oh whoa whoa Wow wow
wow
wow
wow, can I have some water please give me some water
I still need some air. Oh my gosh Wow.
Yeah, I'd like I told you
this is what we needed.
Whenever this three tugs is, you know, she was about to go in.
Oh.
So this a lot to unpack.
One the idiot.
Right. The labeling is problematic. Always remember that?
You know, for both brothers and sisters. Whenever you default to
labeling someone whether it be jerk it is a real man or whatever
it may be.
It's not
construct it for yourself. And it's also not constructive for the
person that you want to change.
Because you technically not giving them anything to work on. Right.
So that's just a side note for you to remember. So it's better for
you to describe what is problematic, right? That you want
that person to change his communication style, this is
problematic. The way he
his his lack of availability for me and the kids is problematic, be
particular about what it is that's problematic. And the other problem
with labeling is it's just not accurate. Right? Like, the reality
is, there are some things that men and women do well, and there's
some things that they don't do well. Right. And so you want to be
specific about what is problematic, especially if you're
in a situation that you want it to get better.
And it's important not to be labeling self or someone else.
Because if you didn't have it of labeling, you're more than likely
to do it on yourself, when you don't live up to whatever standard
you have for yourself. And if you do it with yourself, you're more
than likely to also slip up when you're angry,
and direct that towards your husband in a moment of anger. So
that that's one thing that comes to mind. And if I can, the other
thing that comes to mind
is
it's going to be fair, although I don't like
labeling.
What is the label, I would ask this
version of the older name? What is the label she would assigned to a
sister that continually goes back? makes herself as you say,
available to this type of men? What is the label you would
ascribe to her?
Or would you even ascribe a label to her?
But then would there be any accountability to her?
Okay, so the first thing I want to say is, well, that was a lot.
That was a lot. That was a lot.
It's been a long time since I've been
that emotionally invested
to have that type of response. But I think that the theme of these
three videos, that wasn't lost on people, was that the message was
for the sisters. Right? In this case, my contention was that,
don't complain about it, because you allow it.
If you want it to stop, you have to stop allowing it. That is you.
That is your work, right to raise your standard to understand what
you will accept and what you want, what you will tolerate. And what
you want. That is you that is your work, right. And if you've not
done that, and you're being disrespected and mistreated, don't
blame the other person. Because you've allowed it right now, you
know, rights and wrongs and the wherewithal is
the typification. And I think this this for me is is very much the
kind of energy that is easy to to bring forth when you only hear the
sister side of the story. And you hear maybe lots of sisters talking
about stuff that they've that they've been, they've been going
through right, sisters are probably more likely to reach out
and and say, Sister, this is what's happening with me. You
know, this is what I'm going through my husband, this my
husband that right Sisters, we know, yeah, we doing that. So if
you hear that a lot, and you never listen to or hear anything from
the brothers side. This is the energy that it creates. It is a
worldview that is a skewed towards the sisters. Well, in which the
sisters are always the victims. The sisters are always the ones,
you know, getting the short end of the stick. The sisters are always
the ones in pain and the brothers are just living their best lives
out here. Right. And I think for me the biggest growth or the
biggest change, I would say, and maybe somebody mentioned in the
comments that I'm a more laid back now than I was then. And I think
one of the reasons is that
when you are able when you've been given the opportunity to step back
and see and hear things from one genders point of view and also see
and hear things from the other side. And sometimes it's the same
situation. But from both sides. You realize, actually, there's
mistakes on both sides, right? There's there's weaknesses on both
sides. There's mistakes on both sides. Sometimes there's more on
this side, even the one who says she's a victim. She is actually
creating the situation and then sometimes it's the man who's
creating the situation due to his own weak
bonuses. Right. But the point is, for me, as you know, I see myself
as more so an elder in the community now, right, where I have
to look at things for the sake of the community. So I am not for the
sisters, I'm not for the brothers, um, for the families and for the
community. Right. And I think for many of us, especially as sisters
and brothers probably have the same thing as well, because they
don't necessarily want and actually, that's not true. That's
not true. I was gonna say that brothers are typically pro
brothers, and will usually come at things from the brothers point of
view, but I don't think that that's the case. Is it? What what
do you think about that? No, no, no, we unfortunately, have a lot
of brothers to have that have the white knight mindset. Right, that,
you know, as we've discussed before, and I brought it up so
many times before, and we can ask the chat and people in the
comments can can answer this. How many times have you heard someone
say that a woman because of how she's acting is not being a woman,
she's being a girl.
How often do you hear that?
Versus how often do you hear that a man is not being a real man or a
man is being a boy, because of how he's acting? Right? The areas in
which he's fallen short, his FAL ability. Right. And so that leads
into that reality of,
of the burden that accountability is solely oftentimes placed on
the man. Right.
She has no accountability. If he was just a better man, yeah, yeah.
Right. Yeah. If he was a real man, that we wouldn't have all these
problems and it's not I think it's not just the he would be a real
man. I think again, again, the whole point of the series was
sisters stop blaming other people for your problems take
accountability and in what your part is in this whole thing,
right.
Subhanallah and you know, sisters, mischief Emily's cooking. Thank
you very much. She says kudos to sister NEMA for being out here and
acknowledging your past slip ups May Allah bless you because your
intentions were always good and you know for sure in that when
you're in that headspace where you only hear the sister side of
things you really do develop a worldview in which women good men
bad sisters good brothers bad sisters victims brothers
perpetrators, right? And it really is only when you start to listen
to the other side that you realize Hold on a minute. We're just
humans out here right flawed fallible, making mistakes messing
up trying to figure it out
you know
and yeah, you it's difficult to say it's always these ones or it's
always those ones because it just isn't always and every situation
is CO created right but anyway can't Shall we go back to the
video
Yeah, we calm down enough I've calmed down enough
you Oh my goodness. Alright guys, let me know in the chat if you're
ready give me a yes in the chat if you're ready for us to continue
inshallah. Let's go one thing though. Oh, issues that you don't.
Okay, I'm still cooking. I'm still cooking.
Yeah, I'm telling you just keep keep
three tugs. Yeah, yeah.
You got to go in
right okay. Let's go
on even know about and he's simply taking them out on you. And here
you are. Little Miss wanting to be a good wife and a good mother and
all of that stuff. making yourself available to be treated worse than
a prostitute on the street. Whoa, whoa
sorry. Oh, ads coming up. Whoa.
Whoa.
Can we go back?
Let's see if we can go back without the ad playing again.
Yeah, you can once it plays. You're good. Let's see. Whoa. Oh,
sorry. You know about and he's simply
the hands going in everything. Oh, I hope that he would change. I
hope that he would become a good man. He's not a good man. He's an
idiot, or a narcissist, or hurting himself. He probably has his own
issues that you don't even know about. And he's simply taking them
out on you but you are wanting to be with
hold on says hold it up. Hold it up. I think that's a valid point.
That is a valid point. Forget the narcissist guys, please. Okay, I
apologize. MANISH Okay.
I don't want to be going in with that. But the what I mentioned
there about your husband dealing with stuff that you've got no idea
about, right working through things that you've got no idea
about, you've got like, you don't know what's going on with him and
he's taking it out on you. I think that was a moment of, can I say
compassion for the husband? That he's just, you know, he's acting
from what he knows and what he's dealing with.
That was sandwiched in between idiot and narcissist.
Right now, when you pause, get to say what that was. Good point. I
actually didn't know the point that you were going to allude to,
because I was caught up on the Narcissus bomb that you dropped,
right? Like,
like that's, that's again, you know, Exhibit C or whatever number
we're on, sisters take away. This is one of the reasons why labels
are not important. I mean, are important. Why you should not
engage in labeling self of others is because it distracts from the
valid point that you want to raise is that it's that reality that we
know of in terms of
the delivery can distract from the message. And that's why it's
important to know how to regulate to understand and regulate your
emotions. So that when you do articulate the valid points you in
the best space mentally and emotionally, right to not only
articulate the issue, but to potentially influence the change
you want. And
yes, we talk about this on Candid Conversations, guys, so don't miss
an episode of that, please.
Yeah, we're gonna go into the prostitutes side of things now.
On the prostitute. Wait, let's hear it. It's coming. It's coming.
It's coming. Let's let's hear the full thing. Let's hear the sister
out. Okay. It's not as bad as we hear this now. Let's take a pause.
One minute.
I need my charger. Oh, yeah, please get that that inshallah?
Yes. And Hydra. Yes. Stuff for Allah was needed as a reaction to
that. Wow. Like I said, guys, I this was you take.
You can just jump off 2019 Guys, long time ago. And lots has
happened since then. And
I don't I haven't watched these videos back. I haven't watched
them back. So I actually don't know, what is what is going to
come. So the reactions that you're seeing from me that they are
genuine, because I don't remember everything that I said in these
videos. It was from 2019. A long time ago. Right? Sophie says every
individual has baggage from their past. And some carry this baggage
and end up offloading it on their partners. Very, very true. I think
many of us do that. We had a really good conversation on one of
the one of our marriage conversations about check in
baggage and carry on baggage, right. So the carry on baggage is
it's light enough it's baggage, but it's light enough.
It's light enough for you to be able to kind of put it in a bag,
carry it looks chic, you can take it on the plane with you just put
it up above or just down by your feet is no problem. And your
husband or your wife, they can help you with that. Especially
your husband, he can carry that with you, right? But check in
baggage. That's the big stuff. That's the heavy stuff. That's the
stuff that can be over, you know, like overweight. You know, in
those of us I think I think Asians you guys do this as well. But
certainly Africans we do this, you know, those big plastic woven
bags, where they just they wrap the whole thing in plastic, and
they have to send that in the hole. We don't want to be
offloading that kind of thing on our partners in Sharla. We're on
our spouses. So we are back we all those of you who are just joining
us welcome. We are doing a reaction to one of my most
infamous videos. Sisters raise your standards. So we're gonna go
back in again. Are you ready, brother NASA I'm ready. I'm ready.
Right so we've we're sorry. Apologies guys. We're going in to
some smoke. Okay, this is quite a hot part of all of that stuff,
making yourself available to be treated worse than a prostitute on
the street.
being slandered, back bitten, codenames humiliated in front of
your family beaten in front of your kids sent back to your
parents house. I divorced you Oh no, I take you back. All of that
stuff. Ladies. We're not available. We're not available for
that rubbish. You should not be available for that rubbish.
Because we did not Allah subhanaw taala create you did not create
you
or you're not worthy of respect, or you're not worthy.
I have the honor and dignity and we talk about it. Ladies in the
talks. Yes, they love to bring it. Oh Islam has honored the women in
Islam women have honor and dignity unlike bla bla bla bla bla bla
bla, I'm sorry, guys. Yes, Allah gave us on our own dignity, but we
don't honor ourselves. And we behave like we have no dignity.
Because what we will accept shows that to everybody is cool. Treat
me however you like. I'm a patient, Muslim woman. I'm gonna
take it. I'll take everything you've got. I will take all the
rubbish, I will take all the filth, I will take all the
violence, all the cruelty, all the meanness, all the insults, I will
take everything all the filth you got in you out is fine. I'll take
it. I'll carry it for you. Seriously?
Wow.
Wow, wow. That's a lot. That's a lot, man. I'm trying to I'm
thinking back now. And I'm thinking what was I talking about?
Like, what was I referring to like these? What did I say? Slander,
backbiting abuse of you know? Wow. Yeah, I mean, so.
So I agree with the with the overarching point that you're
making, right, is that systems should have standards. Alright.
100% agree with you. And I agree that
they should not accept a certain level of behavior. 100% agree with
that. I think where it can be.
I think where if you were not in the emotional state that you were
in when you were having this conversation? Maybe you do this? I
haven't seen this video. Maybe you do this coming up. But I think
this would have been a
constructive time to then add in why sisters are doing.
Right. And I would suggest the reason why I see sisters doing
this is they're being led by a fear based mentality. fear based
thinking is what is leading them to settle for something that's
unacceptable.
And if you change that thinking, that's that thinking, feeling
connection, you change that fear based narrative, right? That
narrative that I'm fearful that I'll always be alone, no one would
ever want me if I get a divorce, I'm gonna divorce see who would
want to divorce me with one child, two children, three children, who
would want to divorce see on her second marriage or her third
marriage. That's a fear. That's a narrative that you create.
That then leads to you saying to yourself, I'm not worthy of love,
I'm unlovable, I'm not worthy of something better than this. That's
a narrative that you create that then produce the anxiety about the
future, the fear, and thus, your actions are based off of that
narrative, those feelings, that then leads to the action of you
accepting the unacceptable and stain in it with the false notion,
the false notion that it will get better.
And this is why very quickly when the lab that I just had, one of
the advice that I gave is be intentional about creating a
support system. And in that support system, having a coach or
a counselor, someone that's not emotionally connected to you, that
will give you that uncomfortable advice that will challenge your
thinking when it's not constructive. Because your
girlfriend's oftentimes out of love will lie to you.
Well, I was not lying to anybody know this particular
nuance, you weren't lying. But because of the emotional state
that you were in.
You fail to give certain jewels that I know, you know, that
someone could walk away with. Yeah, yeah. And I think I think
definitely again, you know,
the this
is this is this is this is this is for the for my detractors. Yeah,
for those who say that, you know, I you know, I'm so Genest or I
don't love the sisters or like, I'm against the sisters. You know,
those of us who know or who knew
We know we knew, right? The types of situations that many sisters
found themselves in. Right? And it's not it's not comfortable
truth for the community. It's not a comfortable truth at all. Right?
As Muslims, we've been given the best way, we've been given the
guidance. And the reality is guys that many of us are broken. You
know, many of us have healing to do. And I stand by that, yes, the
emotion was intense, I don't think you will get me that hype about
anything. Again, to be honest, I think, you know, my days of hype
over that are, you know, are over but, you know, can potentially
over but I don't think that much has changed in terms of the
community, I think that we still have a lot of dysfunction in the
community. And this this live was in response to that. So if you
guys have noticed a theme here, in this particular video, when we
hear sisters about, about sisters having standards, in the
conversations we're having today, most people are talking about
superficial standards, right? Money height, it needs to be, you
know, like this kind of body or he needs to have this type of job,
you know, all of those types of standards, right? This video was
not talking about that at all. As you can see, the video is not
talking about raising your standards and making like men jump
through hoops or like you deserve the best queen and all of that
kind of thing. Look at the level. It was literally respect and
consideration and not having your rights as a Muslim, tampered with
and trampled on, really. And I don't think that we've gone far
beyond that. I think that we may still be in that space in certain
communities and certain households. So I will not retract
it even though the emotion is crazy high. I don't I don't
disagree. If you guys disagree in the comments, if you think that I
was out of line or that you know what I was saying was dangerous,
then hey, go ahead and let us know. Can we continue? I just one
quick point, something that I've said before and sisters, this is
something for you to know and brothers as well. Remember,
emotions are always valid. Right? Emotions are always valid. But the
thinking that underpins that generates the emotion may not be
accurate. And that's what you want to question. It's not about
questioning the emotion that you're experiencing. Because the
emotion that you're experiencing is understandable, given, given
the narrative that you created, the thinking that you had, right,
so soon as you got the call with the sister. She gave you her
narrative and you created your own narrative based off of the
experiences you heard from her. And the experiences that you've
heard from so many other sister sisters. That narrative then
created any emotion of anger. Yep. Right. And thus, the response was,
you know, the three tubs on in the car,
taken off there, and ready to go in, ready to go in.
Alright, well, we're only six minutes in guys. So let's keep it
moving. Bismillah we didn't talk about prostitutes
or not create you for a noble purpose. Do you think that noble
purpose is being someone's punching back? Do you think that
noble purpose is enabling somebody who is sitting in front of Allah?
Do you think that noble purpose is enabling somebody who is doing
haram and is oppressing people? Did Allah create you to be an
enabler for an oppressor? Yes, Allah. Whoa. Because I'm sorry. If
someone is doing something to you, we have choices. Ladies. I'm
sorry. This whole thing? Yeah, this whole thing about I'm
trapped, I can't do anything. You know that. The victim mentality
I've spoken about this on my lives before and I that is the one thing
I wish we could expunge from this OMA
sisters living in a victim mentality. It is your life, your
life and at the end of it, you will answer to Allah subhanaw
taala. That's the truth. You have choices. You can do anything you
want. Yes, some things there will be consequences. Some things your
family won't like them some things the you know, the community might
think that you did the wrong thing. Some things you know, will
come at a cost. But at the end of the day, you have to understand
that you came into this world alone, and you will leave this
world alone and you will be raised on your own. So if you want to
spend your life, the victim of other people's drama, the victim
of other people's problems, their pain, their suffering, their
insecurity that's on you
But as for me, I was raised for a noble purpose. I was born for a
noble purpose and in this life for a noble purpose, and guess what
that noble purpose is, I want to return to Allah subhanaw taala,
the best version of myself that I can be having lived my best life
for the sake of Allah. That's me. I don't know about you. But that's
me. And as far as I'm concerned, says, Please, don't play the
victim card, when you are allowing it, when you are accepting it.
When you are enabling it. You're telling yourself a story in your
head that Allah is pleased with me because I'm being a respectful
wife and obedient wife. If that's the story, you want to tell
yourself, then good luck with that you're going to continue in that
life.
Right. Okay. Let's temper this for a second.
So one, somebody said that the choices should be within the
Sharia. And for sure, you know, the assumption is when I say you
can do whatever you want, obviously, you know, it's in the
within the bounds of Sharia. But I think
something that I found to be quite common in some of my old
conversations, and I see sisters doing this, and it's been brought
up to me before, is conflating different issues. Right? So we've
talked about an extreme situation. We've talked about extremes of
abuse, extremes of you know, rights being taken away and
trampled on, and being treated like a prosecutor and all of this
stuff, right extremes. And juxtapose that with a person
saying, I'm being patient, I'm being a good and obedient wife.
Right. And the to basically being connected. And I think that one of
the things that we often do, brother, NASA, when we have these
conversations is we always say, Guys, we're talking to the amateur
nests, we are talking to the average people. There's always
extremes. There's extremes of amazing marriages, right? Where
everything is just as you wish and everything. And there's the
minority, then there are extremes of of terrible situations, toxic
situations, right, which are hopefully we hope, the minority,
right, then there's a spectrum in between, right? There's, there's
the average, some closer to the amazing, some closer to the
terrible, but there's there's an average there. And
the nuance that's missed, obviously, because of the
heightened emotion, right, the nuance that's missed is, at what
point? So where are you on the spectrum? As a sister, for real
for real? On this spectrum of amazing and disastrous? Where are
you truly on the spectrum? Right? Because what I know, is that our
emotions, and our thinking, let's start with the thinking our
thinking can make us feel that we are on the disastrous side of this
spectrum, when actually we are more closer that we're closer to
the average. Right? We can tell ourselves a story that our
situation is this this awful, dreadful on unacceptable
situation, right?
My husband
is finicky.
Right? My husband is stingy.
My husband is too fastidious, and he puts to meet under too much
pressure with the house, for example, my husband wants to marry
again, all of these become an awful relationship and awful
marriage, something that is not acceptable. Right. And I think
that that needs to be kind of reined in. And I think those are
the conversations that we're having. Right, those are the
conversations that we're having now, which is to remind sisters
that, firstly, it's possible that the image in your head of the
ideal relationship with the ideal marriage is simply a fantasy, and
is not actually a reality that you should be comparing your situation
to. But also, you know, for those people whose marriages are just
normal, where there are normal everyday issues and normal
everyday kind of ups and downs, realizing that that's what it is,
it's normal, right? And then of course, the sisters who this is
actually related to the ones who are in you know, life threatening,
sometimes situations, terrible situations, right situations,
which are crippling them emotionally, spiritually, etc.
Right? Who this advice is for. So I don't know whether that means
anything to you or to anybody else who's watching but I did want to
make that distinction because we know like I said, those who are in
the community, we know that some of these things do happen.
Right, these things do happen. And I stand by what I said, which is
that, you know, as human beings as creations of Allah, we are
deserving of more than that. We don't deserve to be treated in a
way that Allah subhanaw taala has said is incorrect, it is not a
permissible it's not allowed. Right. And I do think that if we
allow that type of behavior as a community, not just as the wife,
not just the wife, the father, the mother, the father in law, the
brother in law, the sister in law, like as the family as a community,
are you enabling haram?
Or are you trying to help? You know, or are you saying, No,
that's not my business, that's his house, and him do what he needs to
do. Sorry, guys, this is, like I said, it's been a long time since
I've been in this space. I haven't listened to this video for a very
long time. But these are the thoughts that are coming up for me
right now love to hear your views on it. Sharla, before we continue,
so a couple points that came to mind is, you know, from from a
modality perspective, from our EBT, or EBT, is a version of
cognitive behavior therapy. And one of the key tenants is it is
this principle of human fallibility. That we all are
fallible human beings. And that's important for us to always keep in
mind. And when your spouse does something that's problematic.
That's one of the first thing that you should remind yourself, that,
although I don't like this behavior, I can accept him as a
fallible human beings. Right, that's an important thing for
yourself as well. Although I don't like what I'm doing, I can accept
myself as a fallible human being, despite acting in a manner in
which I don't like, right, so acknowledging human fallibility is
an important thing, because it also allows you not to fall into
the thing we mentioned earlier in terms of labeling self or others,
right? That's the way you counter that. So the thing with
acknowledging human fallibility, that you're a fallible human
being, but that your spouse is a fallible human being, once you've
done that, then the question, the next step is to ask yourself,
what is it going to cost me to endure his vulnerability?
And do I want to pay that cost? So we're not going to get caught up
in the emotion of labeling someone that he's a jerk, or he's this or
he's that, like, let's get to the point.
He's, he's overly aggressive. He's a fallible human being and his
fallibility expresses itself in the form of aggression towards me,
when he doesn't get what he wants, when he wants. Okay.
The question for uses is, what does it cost you to endure that?
to tolerate that?
And do you want to continue to pay that cost?
Then the other question is, if you have children, what is the cost to
your children, for you to endure that for them to endure that? And
for you and them to tolerate that? And do they need to pay their
cause? And do you want to pay that cause because it's an amount of
between you and your Lord?
For their environment, their atmosphere, right, that they grew
up and you have a role and that you co create that just because
your husband checks out into his fallibility and, and harms the
atmosphere in which they grow up, that doesn't obfuscate you from
your responsibility of the environment. So it's important
one,
acknowledged human fallibility to acknowledge that there's a cost to
the fallibility that you have that you bring to the ship, but also
the cost of the fallibility that your spouse brings to it and then
determining Do you want to tolerate Do you want to pay the
cost of that fallibility. And one last point that I will say they
came up with this is to also and this is something to keep in mind
from a modality perspective as well as there's always going to be
discomfort
there's going to be discomfort and staying the same not wanting
change or not asserting yourself for change. There's going to be
discomfort with that
because you already you know, there's going to be discomfort
with that because that's what you're experiencing.
It's getting on the call and calling you up. Yep.
Your own if you in tune with yourself, you see the self
destructive things that you're doing to yourself and or what
you're doing in terms of taking it out on your kids or loved ones,
right. So you know, this discomfort that comes with staying
as
Things are in this situation. But there's also discomfort with
change. Yep. Yep. So there's always a price to be paid. The
price to be paid versus going to be paid is always gonna be or go.
Yes. No, there's always a price. What was just comfort? Do you want
to? That's the Yeah, yeah. 100% And somebody said in the chat does
o'clock and brother NASA, this is great, because we don't just do
you see, guys, you see, this is why this is the best channel on
YouTube. Okay. Because we don't just react to videos for views,
right, we actually break things down and and give Insha Allah, you
know, real actionable steps, you know, real sincere advice. So you
guys are not here just getting entertained. You know, you're
you're learning as well. Insha Allah. But I'm curious.
When Brother's here, can it can you hear me? Am I still okay?
Yeah, yeah, I was looking at the chat. When brothers hear about the
men I'm talking about in this video.
What's the what's the response?
Is it who she talking about? I don't know anyone like that. Not
all men are like that. Like, I'm not like that. What is the
response? Or is it like, Oh, here she goes. All men are trash again.
What is the response from men? I want to hear from brothers. Now.
When you hear me or sisters talking about the men, the kinds
of men that do the things that we were talking about that we're
talking about in this video? What? What is your response as a Muslim
man?
So
how do you how does it make you feel?
David says he knows men like that. Thanks for being here. It's not
it's not it's not about how it makes me feel. It's more about the
thoughts that come up. And the thoughts that come up to me is,
you know, where are we going with this?
Right? Where are we going with this? Are you acknowledging an
issue that you're dealing with? And you want to address it and you
want to
seek a solution?
Or is this about trying to bash old men?
Is that where we're going with this? Because it sounds like a
defensive reaction. Not heard it too often? Or something like that.
That's a real reaction. That's, that's not about emotion. That's
me logically wanting to understand where we're going. Do you? Are you
looking to get advice? Are you looking to get a solution? You
want technique you want to you want philosophy? Or bashing
session with this a bashing session? Because as a man, if it's
a bashing session, I'm not here for that. Right? Because Because
the reality is you're not dealing in logic houses.
Is that Is that right? Is that all men? And if that's what you're
into, you got girlfriends for that.
Or, or you can book a session and pay me and I'll sit down and we
can work through it together. But if it's if you're going to deal
with the illogical that lack of reality, ie bashing Oh, men, men
are like this Muslim. Okay, okay. But the question was not about all
men. But just when men are typified in this way, when you
hear
comes up for me when
I just want to want to know, where is this going? And we know, and
we've talked about this before, what's important for men? time,
energy, attention and money.
I wouldn't know where this going. Because that lets me know if I
need to allocate my time, energy attention to this. Right. And it's
not worth my time, energy and attention. It's gonna mess up my
money.
Okay. Sophia says what I've heard mostly from men is denial. The
blame is thrown at the woman. Okay. Nobody else in the chat is
telling me how they feel when they hear of Muslim men being typified
as abusers. But do let us know in the chat, we're going to continue
guys.
The thing and I agree with the brother in the chat, I do know
brothers like this. I don't know them personally as in my circle.
But I've heard these stories enough from clients from sisters
that I work with.
That I don't think it's not a reality. I think it is. But I
think unfortunately, it's a byproduct of men not understanding
how to understand their thinking and regulate their emotions, and
sisters that are unfortunately, living in a fear based narrative
that keeps them stuck. situations that you know, are unacceptable,
right, mashallah Adam says they exist, but they aren't to the
scale that women make it out to be.
And some of them are even worse, because, you know, oftentimes
systems don't want to tell you the real what's going on there.
only tell you what they're comfortable, you know? Right? At
least that's what I've come to, to know with my do my work. But one
of the point I really want to mention that assistant said, not
every situation some situations are fixed, can be fixed, and some
cannot. I can't. I don't see the comment. But since I completely
agree with you,
some situations can be fixed. Some can't. But I prefer to frame that
in. What is the cost is going to take me? Yeah, that's the question
I will have to pay while I wait and endure this process of him
changing, because reality is, you don't know until it happens if
he's going to be able to change. So what is the cause I gotta pay
as I wait, because the reality is, remember, you can't force someone
to heal and change on your timestamp.
You do this not that you can dictate to them, you can't demand
to them, when they're going to change and heal and wake up and
see it. That's when you you got to take accountability for deciding
to endure all that comes with the process of change. And I want to
say this as well in sha Allah guys, and if anybody has noticed,
like a softening in my approach, because obviously, in this video,
and in this period, I was not soft at all on anything like this,
right? It was a zero tolerance. Okay. And I don't I don't think
the zero tolerance is is is is necessarily helpful to for us if
we're going to deal with other human beings. Right. Now, of
course, like I said, abuse is on a spectrum. mistreatment is on a
spectrum, right? And at the moment, I'm not sure exactly what
we're talking about, because we haven't kind of pinned it down.
Everything's on a spectrum. But I would say there are certain things
that are like, you know, I would say for myself, if my daughter
came and told me, this is what happened. It will be like pack
your bags, you're coming home, right? If he beats you up, and I
don't mean like smacks your leg. I mean, if he beats you up, like
you're coming home since like that, but that's me. That's my
personal thing. And I think most of us for our daughters, we would
say that like lays hands on you. Muscular this is a problem brings
another woman in the house and does madness, you know, the crazy
stuff that we hear that says like, Nah, dude, we're not doing that
we're not playing that game. Anyway, let's not get sidetracked,
Inshallah, this chat is extremely exciting and live. Life goes, you
right now maybe you're feeling strong. But by the end of it, he
will have renounced you. He will have rinsed you. He will have
reached your self esteem, your self worth your confidence, any
shred of love for yourself, he will rinse all of that. And the
worst thing is very often they rinse your Eman as well. That's
true. Because at the end of it when you can't take anymore, you
may have lost friends, you may have lost family. By that point.
You may even have lost your children. Okay, and you're left
there. An empty shell.
extreme example. But that true like that stuff happens. Sorry,
guys.
Make money out of this video. They don't do nothing else. I stand by
that. You think that is what allows Panama?
Ask yourself that. Do you think that is what Allah subhanaw taala
wants for you.
Apologies, you stand by where I stand by what I said about abusive
marriages, destroying the woman so that she stays for a good reason.
Maybe she wants to be patient. She wants to be the good wife. But in
the end, she's left empty. Because the situation has completely
depleted her. And like I said, and again, extreme. Right? Let's let's
like let's keep it a buck. We're talking about extreme situations
here. But I think I know which situations I was actually talking
about when I was when I was when I was saying this. And yeah, that is
that is what can happen. You know? Yeah.
Okay.
All right. Let's keep it going. May Allah have mercy on us social
systems, some of our communities that enable this type of behavior.
Sorry, but guys, the change starts with us.
The uncles are not going to change it. Probably most of the Auntie's
are not going to change it. And the husbands who are doing this
stuff are definitely not going to change it. It starts with us
raising our standard
and not accepting
a certain level of abuse, neglect, violence, cruelty, whatever it is
because
Pamela is like,
and I know I know where it comes from. I can see it, I can see it
coming through the system who's in that situation? has, has has
believed her, she's drunk the Kool Aid, that she's not worthy. I
know. And if you're that sister in that situation, I understand,
okay, I get it. He's made you think that you're worthless, he's
made you think that no one will want you he's made you think that
without him, you're nothing in this dunya.
Bring it.
Although I understand that mindset, I understand where that
mindset comes from. But that's just not reality. That's not
valid.
He doesn't make you feel that way. You make yourself feel that way.
And I know that's going to be hard for sisters to accept.
But the proof of that is
when your abuser leaves,
oftentimes,
you continue to abuse yourself, do what you tell yourself about
yourself.
And you will experience that same emotion
when he's not there.
When you believe the narrative that he's given you, that's a
choice.
You have to be accountable for the narrative that you give your stamp
of approval.
And I just mad just jump in at this point, because I know I know
what's kind of coming the comment, rather than us it is gaslighting
the sisters.
So I wanted May I May I offer a slight reframe for those who feel
uncomfortable with what Brother Nasser just said. Which is that is
exactly what I was saying in the video. You need to take control of
what goes on in here. Right? That's men and women. But this
message is for the sisters. So I want to say that what happens in
your head that's in under your control by Allah as well, By
Allah's grace, no one can make you
do anything in here.
And that's why brother Nasir is picking up on the point where you
said, he can't make you feel anything, right? Of course
assessor is gonna say, Well, of course he can. If he tells me I'm
worthless, then I feel worthless. That's what he made me feel. But
again, we talk about the thinking feeling connection. He's told you,
you're worth nothing, you're worthless.
You took that in, you chose to believe it. And now you believe
that and you tell yourself the story that you're worthless, and
now you feel worthless. It's not an automatic thing, guys, right?
It's not somebody tells you you're ugly. All of a sudden you feel
ugly. Alright, let's let's let's play a game with this. Right?
Yeah, psychological abuse, you can call it that, I guess. But let's
play a game with this right? If a really desirable or respectable
person, let's say a desirable person, right? tells you that
you're ugly or like, you know, like, you're not on my level
dismisses you.
Chances are because that person is a desirable person, you you take
in what they say you take it on board, you believe it and you
start to feel down on yourself, right? You start to look down on
yourself, you start to critique yourself, etc. Right? What about
if the person who is saying to you that you're not desirable is they
themselves not desirable in your eyes, you think that they are
hideous, but they say the exact same thing with the same wording
and the same tone and everything. Because you don't respect that
person? Because you don't give that person's opinion, any weight?
In your head, you're like, You're crazy. Have you seen yourself
lately? And you don't even let it land with you, let alone make you
feel bad. Right? So the point is that it's not just what happens
out there that impacts the way you feel it is your perspective. What
happens it is your your processing of what happens that affects the
way you feel. So again, going back to the original point of the video
is taking control of this right taking control of your thoughts
and and taking because accountability is something that
you know, they say accountability is kryptonite, apparently, but
it's responsibility, right? You are responsible for your mental
state. You can take control of that. If you want to. You can also
give away your power and allow other people to dictate to you how
you feel on any given day. Right and what you think about and what
you you know what you process if you can do that, and a lot of us
Do what you don't have to. You have the ability, Allah subhanaw.
Taala has given us the ability all of us as human beings, to control
what happens in our heads through thinking that we allow the
thoughts that we entertain the stories that we tell ourselves.
That's up to us, guys. So we all that's why in our show candid
conversations, we keep going back to the thinking, feeling
connection, we keep going back to the power of thinking to impact
your emotions, we keep talking about de escalating emotions, we
keep talking about regulating emotions. Why? Because it allows
you to show up in a much stronger way, in a much more empowered way.
And in a way that allows you to get what you want, right? So yeah,
okay.
Right. So toffee says, he can't make you feel that, but his
actions can, for example, a man belittles his wife day in and day
out, the kids then learn that and be little hurt. And he makes the
kids feel that way. Obviously, the children are copying what they
see. Right? They're copying what they see, this is this is this is,
again, this is problematic. He can't make you feel a certain way.
He can give you data, you process that data, and then you feel a
certain way. The fuel for emotions, your thoughts, the
beliefs, you hold the narrative, you create, the meaning you make
of what is said. So just as
just as a year, well, I won't use that example. What I will say is
this.
Whenever there's any event, there is the perception of the event,
and then the evaluation of the event, you and I can see the same
that event and perceive it the same.
The evaluation, we make those subsequence of what we have
perceived, is informed by our lived experience,
your lived experience is going to be different from mine. But the
reality is what we bring to that perception. That event is our own
evaluation that we make we bring our experience into that we make
an evaluation and that evaluation, then produces the motion and
subsequently what we do. So him calling you scum, or any other
derogatory term,
you can view that as he loves me. He's my husband, he knows me more
than anyone. So it must be true.
And if he doesn't love me, no one else will.
Or you could take the meaning of
he's in a bad state right now.
Something is wrong with him.
And I'm not going to view myself as he views me right now.
There's totally different ways in which you can interpret what he's
doing and what he's saying. That's the power of choice you have. Now
you can choose to give that away to someone who's being physically
or psychologically or emotionally abusive. That too is a choice. And
that's the part that you have to take ownership for. It's
comfortable to say, no, he's doing it. He's doing something that's
wrong. No one is is justifying what he's doing. It's wrong
clearly. Whether it's psychological, whether it's
emotional, whether it's physical. But the reality is, the
responsibility is on you to be in control of the narrative you
create, when he acts in an irresponsible manner,
when he acts in an abusive manner, because if not, if not, and I'll
start with this, if not, then basically what you're doing is
you're placing your healing
and your emotional destiny in the hands of the person that's abusing
where I'm from, we call it hustling backwards.
It doesn't make sense.
I want to just make a point before we continue that the goal of
choosing the thoughts that you entertain
and thus the feeling that you have
guys, the goal of that is not to enable you to endure abuse. Okay,
I just want to make that clear.
The goal of this emotional mastery is not to enable you to be patient
through abuse, like real abuse. Okay.
The goal is, and brother Nasser, this is this is the work right? So
please correct me if I'm wrong. The goal is a to not allow these,
what you know, to not allow what is happening to impact your sense
of self worth, and who you are, right? That's the first thing so
that it doesn't land, right. It doesn't do the damage that maybe
it was intended to do, maybe not, who knows whatever, right. But it
doesn't do that damage.
That's the first thing. And the second thing is to de escalate
your emotion so that when the moment passes, you are able to
bring this up in a healthy and productive way. Yes, brother. No,
sir. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Like I said earlier,
to the sister in the comments that she said, some situations can be
changed, and some situations cannot be. And the point with that
is, you want to be in the best space mentally and emotionally to
make that determination of if you want to stay engaged in this, if
you want to endure the cost of going through this process of
change,
or it's not worth it for you. In order to do that, though. It's
ideal, it's best practice for you to be in the best space mentally
and emotionally.
And so in this type of situation, that's what you want. You want to
get in the best space mentally and emotionally in order to deal with
this situation in the most constructive way. So no, it's not
in any way justifying that behavior. It's in no way saying
you get in the best space mentally and emotionally, so that you can
stay in this situation. It's get in the best space mentally and
emotionally so that you can make the most constructive choice,
whether this is the best situation for you and your children to stay
in. And what is the cost of staying? Yeah, and remember, guys,
as we said this, we said this, and we will probably keep saying this,
that there's always a price to pay for every choice. Stay, go, yes,
no, there is something you will gain from that decision, and
there's a price you will pay to gain that thing, right. And for
some of you that I will let's not get into this, because we will go
off on a complete tangent.
So let's, let's let's stick with this because we do tend to do
that, mashallah, let's go Bismillah that nobody will want to
give me your family doesn't want any.
Kids don't want you, where would you go if you leave me.
But it's not true.
It's so not true.
And I really, I really want you to hear that, in the eyes of Allah,
your gold.
Allah subhanaw taala doesn't create things for for no purpose.
You were created for a purpose. And you were created beautiful in
your own unique way with your own unique gifts, with your own
talents with your own special gifts to give to the world in
whichever way you choose.
And I know like one talk on Instagram or Facebook is not going
to change everything for you. It may not even change your mind. But
please think about that. And ask yourself, Is this what I was
created for? Is this what I was created for?
Was I created to be the victim? Was I created?
To be the punching bag? Was I created to be the abused one, the
neglected one the abandoned one as
well I was created for? Or does Allah subhanaw taala
have a bigger plan for me? Maybe this
was just a catalyst for me to realize who I really am, and step
into who I really am and start making some choices for my class.
So I think right now what is happening is a perfect example of
what we were just saying.
Right now you have articulated a alternative belief, an alternative
narrative that assistant can have in this situation. The event
didn't change, but the narrative she constructed or you are giving
the audience is an alternative narrative versus the narrative of
fear. I can't do any better than this. No one would want me I
better just stay where I'm at and endure this. You that's one
narrative. That's one meaning. That's one evaluation.
Genesis they can make, or they can have this other narrative that you
just articulated. This is again, it comes back to the power of
choice, meaning
the power to create meanings based off of what you experienced the
adversity happens, what is the meaning you're going to make that
is then going to feel how you feel and what you do.
So funny to me actually, that you know, nowadays, you'll hear
brothers really pushing back on this type of this, this, this
piece of
coaching if you like, or like inspirational words that I gave at
this point in the video, you'll hear some brothers pushing back
against this saying that you're hyping the sisters up too much the
sisters now feel that they are you know, these amazing creatures and
you know like they are too good for everyone and too good for
everything and you know, they were born for so much more etc. And
yeah, I mean, that is I've seen I've seen it you know that
basically. Because what a lot of brothers today want to see is
sisters being called to account. That's what they want to see.
Right? Sisters taking accountability. Right. And the big
complaint is Oh, the sisters are never made accountable. Right.
Everything is the brother's fault and the sisters never have to take
accountability even the whole sort of you know, women gods that
accountability is women's kryptonite. We've seen it in the
chat guys give me a yes in the chat. If you know what I'm talking
about brother Nasser's? I'm talking nonsense here.
Let me let me make the connection. So
and again, this is part of the the criticism that I've received in
this latest, you know, kind of this new phase, if you like, of my
conversations with sisters, where I'm being not like I wasn't this
video, right? In this video, I'm I'm bigging them up, right? I'm
blowing. I'm like, I'm breathing life into them. Right? I'm pouring
into them. I'm telling them that they are special, that they are
unique that Allah Subhana Allah has blessed them. And you know,
once better for them. So I'm encouraging them, right? And
maybe in the videos that I'm doing now, I'm more like say, hey,
sisters, wake up. Okay, like we are not perfect out here. You
know, we're making mistakes, too. We need to stop doing this when
you stop doing that. So there's the accountability aspect, right?
But
I think
when you work with Muslim women, as a coach, as a mentor,
any any of the personal development, personal growth type
of spaces, you you really get to see firsthand how low our
confidence really is. Right? And there may be some brothers out
there who think that that's a good thing. Who think that you know,
sisters should be extremely humble should not think much of
themselves and should basically just be accepting and acquiesce
over everything. You know, there is definitely a vibe with that.
But when you meet women, who, you know, at the end of the day,
they're doing a fantastic job. They're handling. What Allah
Subhana Allah has given them to handle, okay, they have, they're
in their marriages, they're trying their best they've got their kids,
you know, they're taken care of family members, blah, blah, blah,
all of this stuff, right? But they think that they they don't really
have much to offer that they haven't achieved anything in life,
you know that their lives are a disappointment and the way that
they view themselves a story they tell themselves about themselves
is one of low, low confidence. You see, look just in the chat, the
brothers like come on, sis, this is generation boss, baby. Again.
Let's not
you can't do that, guys. You can't do that. Firstly, I'm Gen X.
Right? So between me and these Gen Z's on tick tock, there's three
generations or so called right. I'm Gen X, we are both Gen X.
There's millennials and then there's new gen Z's coming up. I
work mainly with people in our age group, right sisters who are
mothers now who have children, right, who are you know, sort of
middle, you know, and kind of, you know, coming into adulthood. And
those sisters, ones that I've worked with, this is real, and
brothers, you can believe us or not believe us, but this is real,
right society, especially for the practicing Muslim sister. The
society does not fill her with confidence, especially when she's
chosen a traditional role when she's chosen to live by Allah
As commands society does not give her the Boss Baby energy. It does
not pick her up. Okay. It does not, you know, tell her reinforce
her decisions. Right? It does not tell her she's a queen. Right?
That's, that's that that is some online hype that you guys are
talking about. But for them, it's an I would say, our generation,
the majority of sisters who are married and have families. That's,
you know, in terms of timewise, that that's their priority, right?
They work very hard at it, whether they're homeschooling or they're
doing like the school runs, and all of this stuff, some of them
are working as well, we know this. This is the reality guys. Yeah,
this is not the online hype. This is the reality of Muslims, Muslim
families trying to figure this whole thing out, right? Trying to
figure out their own personal stuff, trying to figure out the
relationship trying to figure out the children, raising children in
this crazy society, you know, the financial strain, you know, what
the children are going to do? And all of this kind of thing, right?
So this, is this part of the video. I haven't necessarily done
a video I have, actually, because my bookshop is all about this. But
the point is,
it's needed still. Yeah, and anybody who's on this channel who
feels like, no, no, no, we just need to be beating the sisters
into submission, they just need to be like put in their place. I'm
not with you. I'm not with you. I don't agree. Because everyone
needs accountability and support. Right, you need the carrot and the
stick, you need the good and the bad, you need your good to be
acknowledged, and you need your bad to be rectified. Right. So
we're not going to have a situation where we only talk about
one aspect, or we only do one side of it, that's just not my bag. And
it's not what's needed, either. It's like, it's like men, like
brothers. You know, you have brothers, who when they come into
brothers spaces, there will be, you know, the conversation of that
builds them up, that builds them up, right, that reminds them what
it is to be a man right and how they should be proud of the ruler.
And you know, it really kind of gives them that sense of you
should be confident you should be this, you should be that like you
guys, you know, and they get like hyped about it. Right. And that's
needed. Because our boys and our men are suffering from low
confidence. And society is part of that as well. Right? So that's
needed. But on the other side, what's needed is being told man
up, right? Man up, you know, get your money, right. Okay, get in
shape, right? Fix your relationship with Allah, stop
making excuses. That's the slap around the head that's also
needed. And if we do one, and not the other, we're doing our
audience a disservice. And I'm really ranting on now, Please,
brother. That's just something to say before we go back to the
video. Only adjustment I would make, although I know the point
that you're making, but I think it needs to change. And there may be
a
uphill battle, but I'm forward because we got to get rid of the
men.
Because the men up is pre lewd to you, not a real man.
And men have those conversations, though. Right? And I don't think
it's right. Just like I don't think it's right for men on the
member that are saying men are acting like boys and aren't real
men, if they do ABC, right, because the reality is, I know the
intention behind what you're saying. But in reality, when you
say and as many have said, you know, you're just
one of what you've always heard is
men need to be men or man up to reality is
I can think of 1000 reasons or 1000 things that men need to
adjust that can fit into that. And I'm sure you could think of 1000
as well. And for that moment,
a man doesn't walk away knowing what you mean. That's when it's
not constructive. Right? When you say, you know not being a real man
or not you personally when it said not being a real man or man up.
You're not giving anybody anything. Give them so I
acknowledged there are definitely things that men need to work on.
And as we talked about earlier, is this element of men being able to
lead themselves being disciplined having goal attainment, that's
something that have your goal, have your vision and be able to
demonstrate that you have the discipline to accomplish that.
Yes, okay. Say when you're not doing that you need to man up, but
if you just hear man up and you don't hear that
you're missing the opportunity to help the man. Yeah. And on a on a
bigger level. I can't tell you how many cookbooks I've sit into in
Joomla or gone to a doors at a masjid and the man was just going
on with these labels.
And he's missing the opportunity to give brothers the nuance to
change, right? Yeah.
Yeah. Sorry, guys, can I just say those of you in the chat who have
a problem with Brother Narcissus pink cravat,
you need to understand, you need to understand, brother Brother,
brother Nasir is going to come on this platform looking smooth, he
ain't gonna do nothing else. Okay, so just drop it. It's not worth
it. Okay, you're wasting your time. Let's keep it moving.
Bismillah
and start looking after myself and start cherishing, protecting and
loving
myself so that everybody else can understand how to do but because
guess what, if you don't know how to respect yourself, no one is
going to do it. And no one's going to teach you how to
respect yourself, especially not somebody who is thriving on
disrespecting you. Can we teach people how to treat you or the way
you treat yourself? The
what one quick point. And that's an that's an important point. When
you don't respect yourself. You may also push away brothers that
want to show you respect and teach you how to respect yourself,
because you're just not accustomed to it.
I've seen that and this is something that's another cost that
can happen when you don't respect yourself. And you don't hold
yourself to a certain standard. It looks foreign when a man does come
in your life that is demonstrating to you how you should be treated.
And I think the point still stands guys, and I believe that it
applies to men and women even though this was a sister stream,
which is you know, no one's going to respect you more than you
respect yourself. If you don't respect yourself, don't expect
people to respect you. You don't you can't look after yourself and
key you know,
yeah, pattern the way you respect yourself the way you love
yourself. That is how you teach others to do it.
So standing in your power stand in your worth. stand for who you are.
For who you were created to be guys, this life is short.
And contrary to what you may have thought it's not meant to be
a hellhole. You don't have to stay in a hellhole. Can you see? Can
you see the thing that is making me cringe right now it is the
extreme. These extremes that I keep dropping hellhole, you know,
and all of these extreme extreme things. Yeah, that's yeah, that's
making me cringe a little bit. That's why that is just why. And
just just because again, I'm talking as if the extreme extreme
situation is is is normal is like is widespread. You know what I'm
saying? Because this video wasn't when I was when I'm speaking and
obviously the number of people that watched it. It wasn't just to
that minority who are in a hellhole. Right, but there are
many of us. I case it's not just us making me cringe to Yeah, I
think the hyperbole, I think is the hyperbole that is making me
cringe. Like it's it's a lot. Yeah, it's a bit over the top to
be fair, but I mean, hey, I think the point is being made, but it is
a bit hyperbolic to be fair. I'm gonna own that guys. I'm gonna own
that. Alright, let's carry on.
We will be trained guys, no matter where we are. Married, not
married. widowed. Most kids, no kids, one kid 10 kids living
within
us living as isolated from family, employed, unemployed, self
employed rich poor. We will be tested regardless.
But some tests are not worth it. Because they destroy you.
Okay, and sometimes we're being tested by the bad behavior of
others, and it is not upon us to enable them. It is upon us to
guide them to the truth
to help them come back from their sin from their haram help them
repent and help them become a better person because we refused
to be the victims of their bad character. Can we pause there for
a human to be his wake up call? Oh, maybe you're going to be the
one to show him that it's not okay. What are your thoughts on
that?
I think they are
I think
I think it comes back to what I said earlier about getting in the
right space, and it's in any motion, and then assess the worth.
Right, assess, not your worth. But is it worth it for me to endure
this situation? Right, that's an important piece and get in this
space, and you can assess that the cost, what is the cost? So when I
hear you say that, what is the cost of me being that stimulus? Or
me perceiving that or maybe that stimulus for him to change? Wait a
second, whoa, wait a second, though, because to clarify, what I
what I was saying specifically was, you're not serving yourself
or the person by allowing the behavior, right. And maybe what is
needed is for you to stand up and say something, and that would have
been his wake up call. Because if you enable it and you accept it,
he continues doing the haram. He continues being the oppressor, he
continues to kind of do whatever the wrong that he's doing, you
know what I mean? Yeah, I just think so I get your point. And I
just think
it definitely depends on what is the assessment you make of the
situation? Right? Because it may be worth it, depending on what
you're going through. Right? It may not be see this, the challenge
with this conversation is, we're not talking about a specific
situation, where the details are there. Yeah. Yeah. So. So in a
general sense.
It may not be worth it. And in some senses, it may be worth it.
Right? It depends right on the nuance of the situation. But Oh,
hold on a second. Are you are you saying about? Because let's let's
be clear. The point being made was not about staying or going. It was
about standing up and putting a stop to whatever it was, and being
a catalyst for this person to realize that I can't do this
anymore. It's not okay. That was what the?
Yeah, I think I think so let's do this for the sake of conversation.
Let's not, it's not for the sake of this moment. We're not talking
about extremes. Okay, no, no, no, no, because this was the extremes.
This is all about extremes in this video. But yeah, go ahead. We can
do that. Because if that's the, if that's the case, if we're not
talking about extreme thing, yeah, I would say it's in your best
interest, get in the best space mentally and emotionally, and then
be assertive about influencing change.
Right, not dictating change. Because the reality is you can't
make yourself do anything and you can't make any one else do
anything. It's hard to control yourself, you best influence
yourself. And the best you can do is influence others, right? Okay.
The reality is, yes, if it's not an extreme situation, I'm
definitely of the opinion, get in the best space mentally and
emotionally. And then try to be assertive in a manner that's most
constructive to the situation, right to get the change that
you're desiring, right? That's what I agree with. But if it's an
extreme situation,
then I think you need to be.
Again, get back in, in the best space mentally, emotionally, and
then determine if this is something that you need to be in,
and how to best exit the situation. And just to be very
clear, and I don't mind the smoke that I get. I'm not of this
opinion that
sisters shouldn't request a divorce and try to get out of
abusive situations. I don't I don't have
patience or tolerance for that.
I'll take this move. Well, clearly, I didn't have patience or
tolerance for either. So if you were not doing too bad, isn't
accepting the abuse. By accepting the ill treatment, he will not
change. He will not change. I'm gonna say it again. He will not
change just because you keep accepting it because he is in a
good place right now. As far as he's concerned. This is good. This
works for me. I'm happy. Yeah, I don't love my wife
to me, but she's there to look after the kids to look after me.
Look after the house is cool. Why should he change? Why would he
change
keep taking it he's gonna keep giving it to you. No, no lies told
you in that situation. You do the same thing by
Who allowed you to? Oh, okay, I'm gonna turn it on this. This isn't
a minute this is cool. No lies told. Do you do you see something
in there?
So I do I do agree that if the comfort is there
I do agree that oftentimes most cases behavior changes when we
don't like what we're getting. When the call comes to
principle that you're trying to articulate or that you're
articulating. I agree with that. However,
I do I do leave room for change happening
outside of
a sister changing
and or that he I can't remember the wording that you used,
but essentially saying that
he won't change. Got the wording that you use. Yeah, no, I said
that if the situation room if she continues to accept it, he will
continue doing it. As long as you take it, he'll continue to give it
why would he change? Yeah, I think as a general rule,
yeah. General rule. I would agree with that. And I would agree, and
I would cosign that that look, to be honest, he his
behavior changes, typically based off of discomfort. I don't like
what I'm getting. So I'm going to make a change. Hence, like if
speeding if the speeding ticket is only $1? I'm going to speed but if
the speeding ticket is $1,000, and I pay it one time, I'm not
speeding again. Yeah, yeah. So I agree with it in principle, but I
would just say, this is why it's best to get in the best space
mentally and emotionally establishing the support system
and working with someone, because that will help you assess if you
staying and enduring. Is this is a really a probability of him
changing. Yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah, this is this was this was
the point I think of the whole thing is that look, if you're not
going to stand up for yourself, you've made a choice. And your
choice is to continue to allow this to continue. And for it to
continue for as long as the person is, is willing to continue. Right.
We've got an interesting comment here. How about a woman's part?
Yeah. Oh, I forgot the eyes. You can do this showing thing.
I thought about this. This is so cool. Okay, so how about the
woman's part in worsening the situation? Like triggering her
spouse and pushing his buttons deliberately then playing the
victim? Oh, oh, yeah, I'm not. So
I didn't entertain those types of thoughts at the time, guys. That's
why I did not, I did not discuss this in the video. Because, yeah,
I didn't entertain ideas, such as somebody's behavior could actually
be a response to someone else's. But the person who started it ends
up the worst. On the on the losing side. So yeah, I'm still not a fan
of that. Like, the reality is, I'm not a fan of triggering.
I'm not I'm not a fan of this blanket. Use of children, the
reality is, she could be out of pocket. I get that and and you
know, you know, from our previous podcast, I don't, I'm not for
that. I don't tolerate that. If you have a valid point. Great, I
love you. But if you're going to talk to me in that way, we're
going to have to talk about this later, when you're in a better
space. This is not going to happen. When you talk in this way,
or with that tone or with with that wording, that's not going to
happen. So she can be Curt with me, and I can respond in that
manner. Love you. But we're not doing this right now. Because of
the way you're talking in your tone. Let's talk later on tonight
when you have calmed down. Or I can choose to say to myself, How
dare you talk to me like this, I create this home for you, I
provide for you. So you can be here all day and not do nothing
and sit on it?
No, I'm gonna show you you're gonna respect me.
Those are two different narratives that produce
two different responses, a respondent emotionally and a
response behavior.
The one that I said at first is one that's probably going to be
more constructive to us really getting to the root of the
problem, because she may have a valid point.
It just so happens that right now she's out in the best space
mentally and emotionally to articulate it in a way that's
constructive. Can I just say at this point as well that for that
approach to be constructive, you would need an assistance This is
coming from the woman's side because I know some of us we like
we like to fight right we want to get it out on the table now. And I
want you to hear me now and I want you to respond to me now the way I
need to be responded guys say
In the chat, if you know what I'm talking about. So if you're if you
say to your husband, you know what I am. So I cannot believe that you
did X, Y, and Zed today like I am. So I'm so disappointed, like, how
could you do that?
And he says to you,
you're clearly not in the right space to talk about this. So why
don't we talk about this tomorrow?
Guys.
And so and so, he's probably conditioned her to think and
believe that that's going to be acceptable. But if he maintains
his frame before he gets married to her, to let her know that
that's not tolerated. I'm open to you expressing your concerns, your
challenges with things where in which I may fall short, but what's
not going to happen is you're not going to speak to me in a
disrespectful way. You're going to pose and we're going to talk about
this when you're in a better space, open to the discussion, but
not like this.
Bengali dream says that even as a guy, I get angry about arguing
later, like, I don't want to see that. And so and so to really, if
we're going to use the word trigger, trigger your audience
that has been in the past. I don't entertain argue. And I don't I
don't encourage any man to entertain argue. We will entertain
discussion. But there is no argue you not you not. You know, tugging
on in the car big Times put on the keyboard to get busy. That ain't
happening. Nothing wrong with tugging on the niqab, three times
of assistant needs to tug on the niqab that should go into log on
internet club. But hey, maybe you're not on your watch. So no,
no, no, no, no, no. And so So my point, my point is my point is
this.
A sister, and this is about leadership as well, when we talked
about earlier about a man leading himself and not allowing himself
his mental and his emotional destiny to be dictated by his
wife, who for whatever reason, is not in the best space mentally and
emotionally.
That still, if he does that he's not holding himself accountable.
Well, we've lost frame, we've lost frame, I think, rain, but he's
also lost his his mental and emotional space. Right? He's now
the puppet. He's now the puppet of the puppeteer, who's his wife?
Reality is you take the data, just like we were saying earlier, it
holds true for men. If you take the data of how she is right now,
you perceive it and then you make an evaluation evaluation is
whatever it is right now for her really has upset her.
No problem. We can discuss this, but let's do it later.
Right now you can calm down and we can do it right now. But what's
not going to happen? Is that disrespect Oh, now you're gonna
trigger even more people by saying calm down. Okay, guys, let's let's
pivot. Let's pivot. I love going back to the
No, no, what type of household their husbands are accepting.
Some people are puppets on the property. Let's keep
speak to him in a really, really, really disrespectful, cruel way.
Okay, everyday, abusing him abusing his family abusing his
people telling him he's not a man. He's nothing. Yeah, you don't want
to sleep with him? Yeah, you don't look after his kids. He has to
stay and look after them. Okay. And he allowed you to do that.
And that's what you like. And that's what you get off on? Why
would you change?
Why would you change? Your cool, he's accepting it. But it's cool.
Like, this is us. This is who we are. This is what we do this fine.
Just like that. When you have a husband who's in a certain groove.
Yeah. And maybe that group isn't grooming you. You know what I
mean? Like it's a group that is not helping you. But he's in a
group and you're accepting it, why is he going to change, he is not
going to change, you're never going to change until something
happens. Something has to happen. Something has to click. What will
it be? When you say to him, I've raised my standard and this is not
acceptable to me anymore. When you say to him, this needs to change
otherwise, that when you say to him, we need to get help. And if
you're not happy to get help with me, that is going to have its
consequences and they are
when you say to him I've had enough when you say to him, I
don't accept that anymore. I deserve more than that. When you
say to him, If you love me, this is what I want. This is my
Standard, when you start to have those types of conversations, he
starts to see that that behavior that he was going with before, is
had is not sustainable. It's not sustainable because the status quo
has changed. You have changed. You've raised your standard,
you're communicating with them. I'm not talking about getting
rude. I'm not talking about being disrespectful or
rebellious. I'm talking about you internally raising your standard
and communicating that with him and continuing to
communicate for the sake of Allah. Because
I didn't think that was so bad.
That was so bad. Thank everybody for having like a, I think people
got triggered by the title. What do you think brother now so let's
wrap this up? Because we've been here. Mashallah. Almost two hours.
So, what are your thoughts? Okay, because you know, me, we've been
working together now, since the end of last year. You didn't see
these videos before? You hadn't known me before? What's What would
you say is the difference? And guys, let us know in the chat,
what you see as the difference? And do you think this video was
out of pocket? Do you think I was out of pocket? Or was I just in a
different space? Was I just emotionally heightened? I don't
know. Let us know in the chat. Brother Nasir. What are your
thoughts?
Yeah, this this is this is, you know, since you know, we've been
working together and recently, consuming your content. This is
definitely a different side of you.
That
is interesting.
It's an interesting side.
I appreciate the growth.
Yeah. Appreciate that. Guys, that's a euphemism. It's a
euphemism for whatever you want it to be. But yes, thank you. Baraka
Luffy. Thank you. Very respectful. Does that allow failure, right? So
brothers like this, the aim here is to show brothers look, you got
to have finesse. You got to have finesse. And so one of the ways is
a way to articulate to your wife to your sisters to those who, who,
you know, you work with that, look.
There's a certain way to articulate
when something is done. That's problematic. It doesn't have to be
the rah rah. Right. The mean don't have to be the tugs on the niqab
and the pointing in the camera? Yeah, you get, we should go back
and count how many fingers? Oh, can we have super chats? Can we
get a super chat for every time that I actually pointed in the
camera?
No, no, Super Chat points. And leanings. You had a number of
meaning. Yeah. Yeah, that was that was like that was real. That was
real. But anyway, guys, let's wrap it up. It's been amazing does
akmola Hayden, we thank Allah for the growth, we thank Allah for the
opportunity to, to, you know, review, kind of the journey. And
also thank Allah for the opportunity to continue to
hopefully be of benefit to the people and maybe be even more
benefit to the people now. So thank you. So this has been a very
beneficial live just
before you start, what do you think when you see old self and
you?
You're muted? Yeah, I am.
Like I said, it's, you know, somebody mentioned in the chat
that I've become more logical. And I think that's true. I think I
have become more rational, more logical, able to be kind of to
step back more. I think that that was that was obviously a very
emotional moment. And I was in my feelings, right? I was in my
feelings.
It's not this video is not the video where I talked about single
moms and divorcees and polygamy. We're gonna react to that one
next, guys, because that was the one that got people really mad.
Right, so Hamdulillah I think that there it was hyperbolic. I think
there were quite a few extremes that were put out there and made
to seem like that's the norm like that's what's happening
everywhere, which is not helpful. But that I still stand by a lot of
what I said especially in the extreme circumstances, and it does
look a lot clearer and brother NASA I actually just want to
appreciate you because you being here with us has meant that we've
been able to not just like having you know reactions to what was
being said but actually draw lessons and teaching and an action
points you know, and practical advice off the back of this. So
it's you know, it's
A real gift and I pray that you know, whoever was listening
benefited in sha Allah. And our goal really is to is to help you
know individuals to master themselves and to learn how to
show up in their relationships so that they can improve those
relationships so that we can have you know, more cohesive family
stronger families, you know, that's what we need at the end of
the day is Pamela so yeah.
Yeah, exactly. Okay, Anna, thank you everyone, please guys make
sure that you hit the like button on your way out, hit the
notification bell and if you haven't signed up and you haven't
subscribed to the channel, then I'm not sure exactly why not.
We're on our way to 40,000 subscribers. Can you imagine? We
were at 8000 in December, we were eight guys. And by the end of
December, we got to 10 and since December from December to now
we've got another 30,000 People mashallah into this community. So,
let's get it to 40k I'm very excited about that. Insha Allah
Our next goal will be 50 but we have another episode of candid
conversations coming out tomorrow, inshallah. So look out for that. I
think lots of you haven't seen the candid conversation video. So go
on to the channel. Watch those. Leave your comments. And let's
keep the conversation going in the comments. And we'll see you on the
next one. Insha Allah Assalamu alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh