Naima B. Robert – SISTERS Are you too good to be a cowife RANT
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The Facebook poll shows that viewers are asked to consider a proposal from a woman who is already married. The speakers discuss various factors that could lead to a proposal, including whether a proposal would be made with a combination of factors, whether a proposal would be made with a certain combination of factors, and whether a proposal would be made with a certain combination of factors. The internet is not about men, but rather women, and the internet is not about men, but rather women.
AI: Summary ©
Smilla Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
sucess and I'ma be Robert here, coming on with a little bit of a
rant, a response to a poll that I posted on my channel last week,
mashallah after we had a very, very interesting conversation in
our Thursday Night Live, the issue of polygamy, plural marriage came
up and there was some interesting opinions flying around. And we
decided to put up a poll I decided to put up a poll on my channel,
just to see take the temperature of the sisters, see where their
heads were at. And in this video, I would like to share the results
with you. And I would also like to respond to some of the comments in
sha Allah. If you're watching live please give salam in the comments
and tell me where you're watching from if you're watching on the
replay, just put replay gang in the comments. I love to see what
you guys are thinking and you know how you're responding to the to
the content. It's one of the things that makes going live the
most fun Masha Allah Assalamu alaykum I love to see it. So
anyway, with that being said, hit the like button, guys subscribe to
the channel, you know you want to we are on our way to 50,000
subscribers. You guys can get us there, let me know if my sound is
okay, if I'm coming through loud and clear. Let's get into it in
sha Allah. Let me share this, the poll so you guys can see what I'm
talking about. Bismillah, right.
So let me get my tab up. So basically, this is the poll, you
guys can see it. I hope. This is the poll that I posted in sha
Allah and it said, sisters, this is for you to answer, honestly,
under what circumstances would you consider a proposal from a
brother? Who has all the qualities you're looking for? But is already
married? Okay. Again, sisters, if this is for you to answer,
honestly, under what circumstances would you consider a proposal from
a brother who has all the qualities you're looking for, but
is already married? So it is already we're talking about high
quality brother here. So I didn't even ask about like, you know,
brothers who may have some of what you're looking for? Maybe a little
bit, okay, maybe not, I'm talking about like the quality dude that
you're looking for. Right, but he's already married. So the four
options were, if he can provide for us equally 40% of you said
that you would consider a brother with those qualities, if he could
provide for you equally. Okay, so the finances are obviously a
thing.
Then the next option was if his first wife is on board with it,
right? And 21% of you said that, under that circumstance, you would
consider it.
The next option was if I don't have to interact with his wife, so
like, I don't need to see her, I don't need to know her, I don't
have to have anything to do with her or that family. Only 5% of you
put this as a condition. Interesting. Then the last option
was, if I've run out of options, and I'm desperate, and you know, I
had to put that one in there, because that's real, right. And
actually, 34% of you said that that would be the condition under
which you would consider polygamy if you felt that you had run out
of options. And basically, this is this is all you've got to deal
with. That is the only thing that would push you to actually
consider this option. Okay, so very interesting. 930 votes to
Zack allow here and guys really, really appreciate you, you know,
taking the time to share your opinion with me, masha Allah. And
I wanted to to address a some of the comments in Sharla, because I
think that they're quite telling. So of course, there were quite a
few of you who noticed that I had not put the option of No, never.
Okay. And some people didn't like that.
That there was no option to say I would never consider it. The
reason for that is that's the easy answer.
Put a yes in the comments or in the chat. If you agree that that's
the easy answer. And that's the answer that most sisters will give
right off the bat. If you ask them like would you ever consider
marrying a brother who's already married? No, of course not. No,
no, I would never do that. I could never do that. I could never be in
polygamy. Isn't that what we're used to hearing? Just give me a
yes in the chat in the comments if that's true. That's the default
answer. For most sisters. The vast majority of sisters will tell you
I would never consider it
So then this question is not for you.
If this question if your answer is I would never consider it. The
question is not for you. I'm interested in us finding out under
what circumstances a sister would consider it, not for you to give
me your off, you know, like your knee jerk answer, which is no, of
course not. If I had put the option, under no circumstances, I
how, what percentage do you think would have answered that instead
of potentially looking through the available options? Taking a moment
taking a beat to say, Hold on a minute, let me not go with my
initial response, my knee jerk response? Let me actually see if
any of these are true for me.
If none of them are true for you, then hey, you don't answer the
question. The poll is not for you. You know what I mean? It's not for
you. Right. So you don't have to answer the question, Hollis. But
the question was specifically for those who would consider it under
certain circumstances or simply to invite sisters to consider it and
to think it through and to instead of having that knee jerk response
to actually say, you know,
well, I mean, it's not my preference. But if this was in
place, maybe I would write because as I said to the sister,
I actually want to read you my response to the last, I feel sorry
for the sister because she may think that I'm, like, targeting
her, and it wasn't targeting her. So sis says, What about an option
of Under no circumstances exclamation mark? The question is
biased, because it assumes that I or others would, when conducting
research, I was strictly taught that the phrasing of the question
could give you a biased result, where the participants would
answer this, honestly. So asking under no circumstances, sorry. So
asking under what circumstances would you is an example. Also, not
giving an option of Under no circumstances is another example?
Right. Fair enough. And I think I've given my reasoning why I did
not. Firstly, why I asked under what circumstances because I know
that there are sisters who would, and I want to challenge every
sister to think about it right. And giving the option of Under no
circumstances. That's the easy answer. That's the one everybody
wants to take. Everybody wants to go for that. I'm not really trying
to find out how many sisters out there hate polygyny. Right? That's
not the point of this. Right?
So that's why it's not there. Now, there is a question here. So this
is the one that I that I that I responded to. And I want to share
my response. So sister says, Sister Nyima, your questioning is
really biased. Why do you assume women would even want a polygamous
relationship, you should have given an option of no under no
circumstances, most sisters you will find would not even consider
such a relationship. Fair enough.
My response? That is fantastic for those sisters, this poll is not
for them. I want to hear from those who would consider it under
what conditions under what circumstances etc. Because the
reality is for many of us in this space, this space of kind of being
involved in the Muslim community, being you know, of a certain age
or just being plugged in. We are of the opinion that there is a
crisis. There is a crisis right now, when it comes to Muslims and
marriage. Right. One of these crises is not the only one is
There's number of single Muslims out there who have not been able
to find refuge in a marriage. And my point is, polygamy or polygyny
is one of the blessed options that we have available to us. So I'm
not sure why sisters are so proudly declaring that they would
never accept this option. I want to speak to this right, because
sisters are out here saying I would never do that, like I could
never and you know, why should you? Why would you assume sisters
would consider it most sisters would say that they wouldn't
consider it. And there's this real sense of like, you feel insulted
by the fact that I'm not giving you that option. But my question
to you is, why are you so proud of the fact that you would never
consider it what you think you're too good. You think you're too
good to be a second, third or fourth wife.
You think you're too good for your husband to take a second, third or
fourth wife? And if you do, which is hey, that's your prerogative,
it's fine. You can feel whatever you want to feel you can think
whatever you want to think. But I am going to push and lean in here.
And I'm going to challenge you on that. Because Are you saying that
you are better than
Sahaba yet
I let that sit there for a minute.
Are you saying that you are better than the wives of the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam not gonna say him? Because as we know,
people always say yes, but the men of today are not like the Prophet
Muhammad.
Give that arrest.
There's another one that I want to mention as well. Another another
answer that I want to mention. But my question is,
do you think you're better than the sahaba? Yet? Do you think
you're better than generations of Muslim women? Ever since the dawn
of Islam, that we're in polygamous marriages? Do you?
Why
your deen is better than theirs. Your Eman is higher than this.
You're a HELOC is is better? Or is it because you have a degree? Or
you have money? Or you come from a good family?
What's up? Or what? Your your two your two healed?
Yet too emotionally grounded? You're too You're too emotionally
based? Like, what is it?
If you would not consider it for yourself as your personal options,
your preference is your choice at fidelity. But sisters, be careful
of
putting yourself in a position where you're elevating yourself
above that, right? We've all been there. Right? We all envy it if
you see like a brother, for example, right? So is it less
less, okay? It's also just us today. So let's keep it real. When
you see a brother, who is devoted to his family, right? And you see
from his actions that he loves this sister so much, his wife is
everything, he would never want another, right? You envy that,
don't you? We envy that, don't we? Because that's the dream. The
dream is to have a man who wants only you, and who spends his time
and attention and resources only on you. That's the dream, a man
who adores you cherishes you loves you, you're the world to him.
That's the dream, whether it's a natural dream in within us, or
it's built by society, which is I don't know. But we can admit that
that's the dream. And when we see a brother who is like, looking
after his wife, and is so loving towards her, we love that. Right?
That's couple goals for us.
So
the idea of that man, going to that woman and saying, I'd like to
marry again.
It's like heartbreak for us. Right? It shatters the dream.
He's not supposed to want that. If he really loves her, if he was
really that guy that we thought he's not supposed to want that.
That doesn't fit the vision. Right? If your husband really
loves you, He will never want another. If your husband really
loves you, He will get everything that he needs from you. And he
will never want or need another woman. Is that not the dream
sisters? Is that not the narrative? Put? Yes, in the chat,
if you know that that's the narrative.
That's the narrative. That's what we believe. That's what we pass
amongst ourselves amongst each other. That's what we've been told
by the stories, the films, the songs, the movies, that's the
model, right? Hmm.
But unfortunately, this is the wake up call that you're all
waiting for the big slap that you all want. Ask men about that.
Ask men about that. asked them if it's true.
I guarantee if we have a panel of brothers, a panel of men of all
different shapes and sizes, and we ask them is it true that if you
love a woman, you will never want another? And you will never think
of marrying another? Is it true?
You're gonna get a different answer. Bruff Yeah, you are going
to get a different answer. Because men don't think like us. They
don't emote like us. And Allah subhanaw taala knows how he
created them. That's why He gave them permission to have four.
And that's why the Sunnah shows us example after example, after
example, of men having multiple wives.
Throughout Islamic history, obviously it differs in different
parts of the Muslim world. But that's, that's what we know.
That's our culture.
So why is our vision of a healthy relationship? So out of sync with
what Allah says, what Allah gives permission for? What Allah
advocates what the Prophet SAW, Selim told us to do, what the
Sahaba have done, what Muslims have been doing for generations,
our vision is at odds with that.
Why?
This,
this idea, right? Again, that if your husband loves you, He will
only ever want you and He will never think of or want to marry
again, is unhealthy and unrealistic. Now, are all men
going to marry a second? If they know that they can? No, I don't
believe that. I think some men that don't want the extra headache
to be honest.
Because remember getting married again in the dean. It's not like
having a girlfriend or a mistress. You You're establishing another
family, that's a lot of responsibility. And that might be
more headache than some men want to be honest, let's be frank here.
But if the conversation was, was a conversation and was open, and we
got to hear, I'm going to, we have a live stream planned, where we're
going to have just men on the panel. And we're going to be
talking about topics like this, we're going to be talking about
plural marriage when we're talking about standards and Manning up and
responsibility and all of this stuff, right. But the reason I
wanted to pop on here really was to address what I see as sisters
feeling proud of the fact that they would never consider it. And
to be fair,
there are some people who believed that they would never consider it
when they were in their prime, when they had lots of options when
they had lots of proposals coming in, right, or when they had never
been married.
And the reality is this.
It's not always going to be like that.
You may be in the privileged group who don't have to consider sharing
a husband may be.
But there are many sisters who are not in that space, who don't have
the leverage to say, I want a man who can provide who has Dean who
has character, but I'm his only wife, and he's going to take me as
I am. There are plenty of sisters who don't have that option.
They don't have that kind of leverage. And there are sisters
who when they look at their life situation, and they look at their
responsibilities, yes says I'm talking to you, who is raising
children who's had one or two marriages already. Yes, my beloved
divorces and single moms, I'm talking to you.
A lot of the I want to call it grandstanding that you see amongst
sisters about standards and having high standards and, you know,
expectations and all of this stuff. A lot of that is coming
from either young women who have tons of options as we know, or
divorce sisters who are not interested in getting married
widows, divorcees, single women who are not interested in getting
married, single women who would prefer to die alone than to
compromise. These are the sisters that are vocal. Those are the
sisters that you hear, bringing all of this rhetoric about having
standards and all of this stuff, right.
But sis, if that's you, that's fine. You get to make the choices
you want in life, and you get to have the consequences like we all
do. But sis, if that's not you, if you do actually want to get
married, if you do want to set up something with a brother with a
Muslim man, if you want to be within the folds of matrimony.
Don't listen to those sisters who are banging on about high
standards about expectations about brothers, this brothers that don't
listen to them.
They don't have your best interests at heart. They don't
have any solutions for you.
The people you should be listening to are married women, or women who
are marriage minded women who are marriage minded and you should be
listening to men. Sorry to say you need to hear what the men are
saying and what they are thinking and what they are feeling. If you
actually want to get one of them. Now, if you hate men, or if you're
so hurt by your life experiences that you can never trust a man
again. Again, this conversation is not for you.
But some of you do want someone some of you
You do want to find somebody you want to be chosen. And that's
okay.
But then you need to move differently. And listening to
people talking about, you know, having, I don't know, 50,000 pound
My heart is your right. And you can do that. And you know, you
shouldn't have to do this. And you should never settle for this. And
you should always make sure there's an oil, and all of that
kind of talk is not in your best interests.
I want to deal with some of these comments. Now. Guys, if I'm out of
pocket, tell me I'm out of pocket.
Right? Tell me I'm out of pocket, right? And give me your argument
for why I'm wrong. says What if you just don't want polygamy,
like, it's just not your preference. People are guilting
people now for just not wanting polygamy, since if you've got the
options, right. And if you're getting tons of proposals, or
you're getting really good men coming and asking for you, and
they are not married, then this conversation doesn't involve you,
Ma sha Allah, right. But trust and believe. If you have passed that
stage, and you're not getting as many proposals, all the proposals
that you get are of a lower quality, you may want to consider
that hold on a minute, maybe I'm at the stage of life where the
high quality men, the brothers who have Dean who have a HELOC, who
can manage a family who are financially responsible and
secure. Maybe they're already married.
I find it very, very interesting. When I see sisters who expect to
come into this marriage space after 3035 40 and expect to find
the caliber of man that she's looking for which she has every
right to look for mashallah, we all want the very best that we can
get. She expects to find the caliber of man that she's looking
for in terms of Deen character, financial capability, and his be
single as well.
Like, dude, if he is one of the good ones, by that time, he is
most probably married.
That's the reality of it. He's either married or he's had a
divorce or two, right? You're not going to find a brother single,
like a Pringle, who's good quality.
And you we all know what I mean by good quality, right? Got Dean got
character, and he's ready to take on the responsibility of a family
financially because well, when a provision, protection and
provision is a thing, we like it, right? So
once with the unrealistic expectations, don't think that
when you're past 30, into your 40s 50s, that you're going to find
everything on your list. And anyone who's telling you know,
says, you know, just because you're older doesn't mean you
should lower your standards. Oh, just because you've got kids
doesn't mean you should settle. Those sisters don't have your best
interests at heart in terms of being married. They may want to
make you feel good. They may want to boost your confidence. They may
want to make you feel loved and beautiful and special. And like
you're worth it. But they're not thinking of you in terms of being
marriageable, they're not.
They would rather you die alone, to be frank than settle. You know,
how many sisters have said that? How many Muslim women you'll find
online saying I would rather die alone than settle. Really? And
then there's a comment here that I need to bring up because actually,
it's let me see if I can find it.
Did it um
I hope I'll be able to find it in Sharla. Because the sister was
saying, like, why is this even a conversation? Muslim men ain't
ain't anything basically. And which one of them is like the
Prophet SAW Selim? Why should we even have to consider this? And
I'm like, If a man with the credentials of the prophets, I
said, I'm keen to use this to date, you would be like, No, aside
from the Naboo, a man who's older, a man who has other wives, a man
who doesn't have you know, the financial capability for Jack, but
he has good character and he's trustworthy. And he has Dean, you
would not marry him? You wouldn't. You would be like, No, I think I
need somebody who's on my level. I think I need somebody who can
provide or No, I don't want to polygamy. No, it's not for me,
except for the aspect of an award. You wouldn't you would not. So
stop capping. Stop the cap. That's what I need you guys to do is stop
the cap
stop the cap. Okay, that's what I need you to do.
Because it's yeah, we're not on that level. We're not on that
level.
I'm somewhere in the background here. All right, so hold on a
minute. Let's see
Right. So I hope I answered that. Okay.
Nobody's guilt tripping. All right, nobody's guilt tripping,
but this is just reality talking right now. Okay? You if you are
free to make your choices in life and bear the consequences, but
when you make the choice and you bear the consequence, we don't
want to hear anything about complaints about the choices and
the consequences because we all making choices all the time. All
right. Man says she guesses many brothers have answered it. I think
they answered it just so they could see the results.
All right, let's see.
Sally has says honestly, with time my mind has changed. I'm open to
it. Even though my heart may struggle. Oh, may Allah bless you
with whatever is meant for you, sis. Right? That's that's the
reality.
Sis says no, rather, I'm not okay with my future. Have you been
intimate with some other woman? Yeah, it's a leap. It's definitely
a leap. But if he wants to do it, what are you going to do? Are you
going to divorce him? You're going to leave? Because you don't like
the feeling because you don't like the idea. I'm going to talk about
that in a minute as well. Right now when I come I used to think I
could never consider it. But now that's exactly where I am. And my
situation is a bit different. Um, yes, is some of the situations can
be very different. May Allah make it easy rectify it. And yeah, put
it in, in the best way for you. And may you get whatever Baraka is
written for you out of it. May says, I really had to check
myself, my dean and my character over the years have been married,
I can't be out here, never going only to end up right where I said
I'd never be.
That's funny, calm and charming says I, you have a choice whether
to go into polygamy, but if your husband takes a second wife, you
should accept it may do or get closer to Allah. Of course, it
will be hard at first. But she says, Your husband taking another
wife is not a valid reason to divorce him. That's another thing
that I'm seeing sister saying, if he did do that, I'm out. If he did
do that, I'm leaving. Sis Sis sis like this. This mindset is not
from a slam. I don't care. This mindset is not from the Dean. So
you need to check yourself.
You need to check yourself says I'm putting a clause in my
marriage contract saying he can't take other wives whilst we're
married. Well, good luck with that sis, some men will not accept that
as a condition. And so you need to take that consequence and some
will inshallah. So I suggest always having the door open for
the conversation. Because if you don't have the door open for the
conversation, it can lead to behaviors that are deceitful that
you will not be happy about. I just say it like that. Talk about
man to man.
Talk about man to man up and be like the Sahaba then they will
have problems. But they are lowlifes and they want more wives
now.
Since the Sahaba, were
what there was a great variety amongst the sahaba. I'm not sure
exactly what you mean, when you say be like the sahaba. I really
don't know what you mean, you had Sahaba, who were very, very, very
strong indeed. And those who did just what they needed to do, and
we know this, you had those who only had the one wife and you had
those who are several and had many divorces and many children. You
had those who had money and those who had nothing. Right? You had
Sahaba remember guys who committed Zina, the it was a whole human
society out there. So when you say be like the Sahaba is, what do you
mean? Because my thinking is for many of the Sahaba they would not
listen to you if you're giving them a hard time saying, oh, have
you taken otherwise, I'm out. Do you think the Sahaba would stand
for that?
Listen, I'm not just basing this on nothing. When Prophet Ibrahim
alayhi salam came to his son's house, and he noticed some
particular characteristics in it. I think it's mine his wife, what
did he say to his mind? He said change the threshold of your
house.
And then when it's mine came back and he told his wife he said my
father has told me to divorce you.
And he changed the threshold of his house because his father told
him that woman that she's no good and yet we're out here telling our
husbands Oh no, not over over my dead body. Over my dead body.
Don't you dare say this. A reality check is in it is needed. Right?
Because you think that the Dean gives you that leverage? It
doesn't. That is our ego. That is our ego and all the stuff that
we've been sent from outside and it's influencing us to have this
kind of pride and arrogance. If your husband if you okay, let me
just let me just speak like straight to my sisters right now,
sis. Take this off.
Sis. If you're hungry
When is a good man? And you have a good situation? And you have
children with him?
Do not even dream of breaking up your home because he has married
another woman.
I implore you do not even dream of it.
Because your decision to I'm not dealing with this nope, nope, I'm
out, I'm out, will have far reaching repercussions. And why
should you?
Why should you break up your home because he took another wife why?
Let me just be frank with you. Yeah, if your husband did not want
to be with you, or if your husband wanted to divorce you, he would
have divorced you. If he wanted to break up your home, like people
say that, Oh, he got married again. And it destroyed our house,
if you wanted to destroy the house, he could have just left. He
could have just sent you back to your parents, he could have just
said to you, I'm not doing this anymore. But he didn't do that. He
kept you in your situation, with your children, and him still
involved. And he took on another responsibility
that's on him, whether he will be able to fulfill the responsibility
or not, whether it will change the quality and dynamic etc. That's on
him. But don't you be the reason for the whole thing to fail. And
I'm saying this as I was a wife on my own, right, I was a wife, who
had my husband to myself, and Hamdulillah he was a good husband.
And when the prospect of polygyny ever came up, I was like, I will
be damned if I am going to leave the home that I've invested in for
the past however many years what because he's taken another wife,
You must be kidding me. I'm not doing that. For what?
So you can be a single mom. So your kids can come from a divorced
home. So you can be a divorcee. So you can go what try and find some
other man who will be devoted to you only what is this? Especially
if the relationship was selling like it was a good relationship?
No abuse, no violence, you know, he manned up
under what circumstances? Is it ever going to be okay for your
husband to say I want to marry again, under what circumstances?
He has to put you he has to we have to have bought our home. If
he can't afford to pay the house off that he can't marry again.
If he's not the perfect dad, and he can't marry again, if our
relationship is not 100%, then he can't marry again. Really?
Really?
Is that the is that the barometer? Yeah. Is that the standard?
In a delete?
Where's the proof?
Where's the proof?
Allah said to treat them equally. We know the rules. And we also
know that there are situations in which the wife can give up her
right? You also know this.
So your rules,
your rules about? Well, I'll only accept it under these
circumstances that are made up stuff.
The last thing I want is for any of you to break up your homes
because you've held on to this idea that my husband belongs to
me. He belongs to me. And I get to decide whether I share him or not.
You can decide because if it comes to your doorstep
and you decide to walk away, oh, you've made a decision. Even all
of you are putting in your contracts that basically if you
marry again, you divorce me.
Says
says
says
I've said it in my other video, I'll put the disc I'll put the
link in the description below.
Don't
Don't glamorize being divorced, don't glamorize the divorcee life,
don't glamorize the single mom life trust and believe the reality
of this dunya is that every situation has its good and bad.
Its advantages, its disadvantages, its pros and its cons. But some
situations, even the difficulty of it. And the disadvantages of it.
And the cons of it are worth it because it's going somewhere.
It's building something.
Let me give you an example. And make it clear what what I mean. So
you're married, you're in your marriage, and it's not perfect,
like most of us. Yeah, it's not perfect. There are some
disadvantages. There's some things that you've had to compromise on.
There's some characteristics that really they don't sit with you and
all of that kind of thing right? Yeah, normal things him not same
on his side, same on your side. You know, maybe your in laws are a
bit of a pain in the neck, these types of things right.
And maybe sometimes you think you know what, maybe he does something
maybe, you know,
financially things start to go pear shaped, or his mom just does
this thing where you're like, I can't take it anymore. And then he
doesn't take your side. And so now you feel like you know, I can't
trust him or maybe he marries again or you, you know, he brings
the conversation to you, or you find out that he's done it,
whatever stuff happens, right? And you think to yourself, you know
what
I could do without this.
I could do without him in my ear, his mom or my case, having to do
things his way, whatever the case may be, you think to yourself, I
could do without that. My life would be better if I could just
run it on my own terms. And yet, it might be difficult, but yet,
let me do that. So you leave that situation, you ask him to leave,
you asked him to give you a divorce, or you start creating
problems in the relationship and it breaks up. So you've chosen to
go it alone. And in that situation, there are going to be
advantages This, of course, yeah.
They're going to be advantages, because now you don't have to deal
with him in your ear. You don't have to face his mother in law
every weekend. You don't have to do things his way. So yeah, a win.
But with those advantages, come the disadvantages. Right.
So in both situations, you had to deal with discomfort, right?
Married, the discomfort, divorced, there's discomfort. I don't want
to go into all the discomforts and the disadvantages of being a
single mom of being a divorcee of breaking up a family. I don't want
to go into that because I go, I go through that in my video. But what
I want to say is,
barring situations where you were being proper, proper abused, and
there was toxic and properly toxic guys, not just like, Oh, your
husband is stingy, or your husband like doesn't listen to you when
you ran. No, I mean, like it was damaging you emotionally,
spiritually, physically, mentally, right. Are we talking about? Aside
from that, put those to the side.
In the marriage, there were disadvantages. There were trials,
there were sacrifices made, but it was going somewhere.
It was building something. It was maintaining something, something
precious, something important. Your family,
right. Your family, your children, the inlaws on both sides, your
Illa, okay? You were building something that in sha Allah will
give you dividends in later life. Because your children grew up in a
home that was stable.
They grew up with their mother and father, they saw that marriage is
not peaches and cream all the time. It's light and dark. Okay,
it's good and bad. But they saw their parents committed to making
it work. So you gave them that. And then when they go and get
married, when they come home, they come home to mom and dad. When
your grandchildren are born, they have a grandmother and a
grandfather in the same house. And when you have an IED and all the
family come back, they're coming back to you. And you sis Yeah, who
sacrificed? Who maybe put your dreams on hold, who maybe didn't
have the perfect relationship?
What have you built
so much more? So much more because of that?
Give me a yes in the chat if that resonates, because that's real
stuff. Now, let's look at the other situation where you chose
the difficulty of being on your own. Yes, both situations have
trial have sacrifice have difficulty, but the one where you
decide to go off on your own, the difficulty and the trials. They
hardly building anything.
They're not going anywhere. They're not taking you in the
direction that you want to go. Trust me. I have been through a
divorce that I can say I'm responsible for and I will own
that I will take the L and that's what it is sisters, it was an L it
is an L
it's a loss. It's a lose.
That I could have avoided and Allah knows best obviously a card
that Allah everything is in his hands, okay. But I take the L
as the person who didn't want to work on it anymore. I take the L I
take the L and I take accountability for the fact that I
broke something that was going somewhere for many people.
Something that was
that had value for my children, for his children, for him. For our
families. We were building
something, right. And when I checked out, I broke it. So after
that now, when you're struggling as a single mom, and you're trying
to keep your kids together, you're trying to keep your home together,
you're trying to keep your mindset together, you're struggling,
you're still struggling. You were struggling in the marriage, and
you're struggling now. But when you're struggling in the marriage,
we're building something for the future. Now you're struggling as a
single mom, what are you building?
I could be wrong, guys. Yeah, and if I'm wrong, please, I'm waiting
for your comments.
Many of us are.
None of us are perfect.
But many of us came from a situation, right?
Of a stable family, because our mother or our father
took the hit. Right, they took they made the sacrifice, so that
we could be okay.
And some of us come from situations where
we've suffered, because one of our parents did not want to take the
hit, did not want to make the sacrifice. Right? We, we carried
that.
So for those of us who are in situations where,
you know,
we've had to learn from from our mistakes in life, that's all you
can do is try to keep others what try to make others aware. And my
message is always, always, always to sisters who are in decent
marriages. Don't you take that for granted. Don't take that decent
man for granted. Don't destroy your home. It's much bigger than
you think. And your emotions, your emotions are much more malleable
than you think. You have the power to control your state, your
emotional state, by what thoughts you entertain. That's why on
Thursdays I come on here with brother now set to teach.
That's what it's about.
So sis says, maybe what you're doing is building yourself and
maybe building your children. Children thrive with their mother
and father.
That's how Allah subhanaw taala built us. And that is what the
data shows, children brought up by single mothers are at a
disadvantage. We need to accept that our outcomes at the moment
are not looking great.
And not only does the weight, and the responsibility and the
accountability sit on the single mother, the woman who was not
built to shoulder that guys, we are meant to be the shepherds of
our flock. And we're meant to have our Amelia, looking out for us,
protecting us, providing for us maintaining us, protecting us,
especially I want to kind of just drill in on that. So when you're
out there in the world,
and you have no one to protect you. And you're the one who's
fighting everything and making everything happen and having to
deal with everything having to carry everything. It has an impact
on you. psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, it has
an impact on you, because you were not built for that. You were never
meant to be in that situation. So building yourself, I guess by
making yourself stronger. I guess having to deal with it, you will
become stronger, I guess. But there's a cost for that as well.
And building your children why?
What was wrong with them before? Yes, no one is saying that a
single woman cannot
raise children are upright. I'm not saying that. And I pray that I
pray that I can live that reality, right. But a lot of the time, we
think, Oh, our children are suffering because we're not happy
in our marriage. But sometimes the kids have got no idea. Especially
if you're in a situation where really you are the one who's not
happy. But the guy is just okay. He's just a normal guy. The kids
are happy to see mom and dad together. That's all they care
about. They want their mom and dad together and a peaceful home.
That's it.
And if you have that trust and believe they're not looking into
se but is my mom, is she really happy or is she pretending that
she really loved my dad or is she dreaming about somebody else? You
know, is my dad really committed to my mom or is he married
somebody else like this? This is the kind of things panela you
know, this is another thing as well I want to address because
our children, let me go back to what we were talking about, right?
The polygyny. Okay, I've had sisters saying
How the polygamy has destroyed their children.
And I call timeout on that. And I think is cap right. The people
within the polygamous setup can destroy the children. You as a
man, if you married again and then all of a sudden you stopped
investing in your children. You stopped coming round. You didn't
divide time equally right? You changed as a result of you
marrying again, then yeah, you are responsible for destroying your
home and destroying your children. Right. I don't know how common
that is. But a lot of the time when sisters say, Oh, the polygamy
destroyed my children. It's because you believe the polygamy
destroyed you and you couldn't cope or didn't want to cope or how
to break down and you bled out on to your kids. That's what
happened.
The two of you couldn't come to an agreement and you bled out all
over the kids. Because in under normal circumstances, what does
polygamy mean? It means dad's not here every single night does that
give your children trauma?
What are we talking about here guys? Seriously.
Because your father doesn't come home for two nights of the week or
he only comes one one on one off now your kids have trauma now that
traumatized by you bro
you are the one your response is traumatizing them. They are seeing
how you are taking. Let's be frank ladies. They are seeing how you
are navigating this test and that is traumatizing to them. If their
mom is in a depressed state and does not get out of bed is taking
medication is suicidal, right is crying all the time is raging.
Their father is insulting. Their father is having fights with the
Father every time he comes. That's the trauma. That's the trauma. But
that's useless. That's on you.
Not here to shame anyone.
Not here to shame anyone. I'm just keeping it real. Because that is
and the thing is when you hear real talk, it can feel like a slap
in the face, right?
It feels like a slap in the face. And especially if it's triggering
for you. Right and you feel Why is she being so hard on me like I
didn't do this or I would have done this whatever the case may be
right.
Taking accountability most of the time does not feel good.
But it's necessary.
It's necessary. Because if you don't take accountability, then
guess what? You're never to blame. You're always the victim. You're
always the guiltless party. It's always someone else's fault. You
have nothing to do with it. You did not create the situation in
any way. Really?
Really though.
Hmm.
It might be useful to really think that through to really think that
through.
Because it's very rarely the case. It's very rarely the case. Right?
Whew. That was a lot. Sis, what about this issue on finances?
We're now the first family have to downsize their way of living. It's
not just polygamy, but the financial insecurities that can
happen okay? What if your husband loses his job and you have to
downsize?
Isn't our risk written?
Guys I'm gonna keep defaulting to Quran and Sunnah on this I am
because I think is the only thing that will get through to us. What
if he loses his job?
What if he quits his job? Okay, let me not say oh, you know it
loses his job because then someone said Yeah, but then he didn't
choose that situation so I can be okay with it. But with polygamy he
chose it so therefore bla bla bla okay. What if he quit his job?
Then what you're going to divorce him?
Is our risk written or not?
And and let me give you another perspective.
If you have to downsize somewhat, in order to accommodate another
sister, and potentially her child or her children, why is that not a
sidecar on your behalf?
Why why is that not? Why?
Answer me. I want to know.
Why is it you're the victim and he's the perpetrator. Oh, and by
the way, he's the only one who benefits you just you have to pay
the price for his benefit really. So what
What about that sister? Who is your sister in Islam? What about
her? And if she has children, what about them?
We don't care about them, do we? That's what I talked about is that
the first wife privilege is real, and I get it, I get it
says take responsibility. That's what's lacking. I do have say, men
hide behind permissibility to marry without telling first, the
lying the hiding, this is what breaks women says, You know what?
100% agree with you, right. But that is also not a situation
created by one person. There are two people in the marriage. And we
talked about this on the live stream. And we're going to talk
about it again in Sharla. Next week, this week, actually, because
if a man if you've made it clear to him, that I'm not accepting
this, if you dare do this, I'm out. It's the end, don't ever X, Y
and Zed.
We haven't left the conversation open. The door is not open for the
conversation to be had. Right? So and I'm not excusing the brother,
but he's thinking, You know what, this is the lesser of two evils.
At least Allah is not going to blame me. And I'll deal with the
consequences of it later. Is it the best thing to do? No. Is it
cowardly? Maybe.
But you as a wife, how are you party to that decision that he
made? And actually, brother Nasser spoke about this on?
He spoke about this on the live stream on Thursday. So Pamela, but
this is that this is the really real, right? This is the really
real. Don't just keep blaming men.
We are sentient beings. We are whole adults out here. Making
choices all the time.
We choose how we behave, what we say what we don't say what we do
what we don't do women stop acting like the victims all the time.
Like we don't create anything like we don't make any decisions, or we
can make anything happen. Man's in charge. I can't make anything
happen really.
I want to address this. Many men can't afford polygamy anywhere in
this economy. Don't worry, sister says I don't want to burst your
bubble. But there are women out there so lonely, and so in need of
a man that they will marry a man and say you don't have to provide
for me. And that is the reason why the Prophet SAW said his wife gave
up her Huck, because she knew the promises and was thinking of
divorcing her and she didn't want him to divorce her. So she said I
give my nights to Aisha oh
oh
so you can comfort yourself with this. But the way that the crisis
is right now the way the world is, a sister many sisters will not
will not have finances as a deal breaker. Because she's that
lonely. She's that in need of a male presence in her life or in
the life of her children. She will say it's okay, now is that
preferable? No. Is it ideal? No. But is it real? Yes. Very, very
real realer than you think.
Hmm.
So
where are we at?
trust and believe. Yeah, human beings don't don't operate like
that. says I'm willing to downsize make room in my home even for my
sister in Islam. May Allah bless us. The thing is guys, the reality
is that the deen the last 100 Allah opened the door for for
married two three or four
to three or four. And if you cannot be just then have one. So
this is this is in the Quran mentioned in the Quran. Right? So
Allah subhanaw taala saw it, saw it fit to mention this
permissibility in the Quran. And then to show it in the example of
the Prophet SAW Selim as well as all the Sahaba right.
So
it's some unpacking some unlearning some reconnecting to
what's really important what's really real, like I said, somebody
said about money
wanted to address this
whereas
this is a really good point. The issues many raise against polygamy
also happen in monogamous marriages. Exactly. Finances,
misunderstandings, feeling you know, like a lack of trust all
these types of things. We problematize polygamous marriages,
but we give monogamous marriages like a complete pass, but actually
both of them take work. All right.
relationships take work again. It's about what are you building?
So for me one of the things that I want to say, and I want sisters to
hear me on this, please, please, please sisters. Yeah.
Think so carefully before you break up your home, the home that
you've created with your Muslim husband.
You're a decent guy.
Guys, the standard is a decent guy. Okay? The standard is not a
high value, man. Six figures, six foot, none of that nonsense. The
standard is not an alum. The standard is not a scholar. The
standard is not a doctor, an engineer or pilot. The standard is
not shy of Jonnie, what's his name? I can't remember the name
now. What's his name again?
You know, what's his shallow me to really shallow me or any of these?
That's not the standard.
The standard is a good man with Dean and character who's gonna
look after you. Okay?
Hear me on this. A good man, sincere Yanni. It's going to look
off to you.
Whatever that looks like, financially, you guys work it out.
Whatever that looks like, in terms of time in terms of location, you
guys work it out. Right? But if sisters, you come across a man who
is sincere, who genuinely wants to be a part of your life and wants
to look after you?
Or he's in your life, he's your husband is the father of your
children. And he's looking after you. And he's decent guy. You hold
on to that gold? Do you understand me?
Do not fool yourself into thinking that there's plenty of fish in the
sea? Not for us sisters? For men, yes. Because men require a lot
less. And I challenge any brothers here to to to see anything
different. I believe women, because we come under the
protection of a man. And because we lay with him and we have his
children. We're in that state of vulnerability, right? That's why
we need protectors. So we can't be with just any Tom, Dick or Harry,
because that will negatively impact us that will that could
harm us. Right? So we can't be with just anyone. We have to find
a good person. Right? We have to find the right person. But what
I'm saying is that the standard is a decent guy. Good Dean, good
character wants to look after you. He's genuine. If you have that.
Tell us game over. Someone said something about being a ride or
die. No, no, no, no, you see this here? This stuff here? No. This,
that's not the standard.
Alpha male is not the standard. Why? Because it's a nice to have.
It's wonderful to have. And if you have mashallah a very strong
masculine man. It's great. There's benefits and there's advantages
and disadvantages like everybody, right? But that's not the
standard. Because what will happen then, is that women who don't have
alphas, quote, unquote, as husbands start to look down on
their decent guy because he's not alpha, wrong and wrong.
That's your decent guy. who's committed to you.
You hold on to him for the look after him. You look after that
man. And you hold on to that man.
Shahid says what's wrong with a little variety? I don't know who
he's talking to. But yeah.
Says should the romance reasons fee for polygyny be legit and
Islam says the man's reason can be I want to marry again. That's
legit. There are no caps on it. I know as sisters, we want a
gatekeeper as wives do you want to gatekeeper right? But that's not a
valid reason. As long as he can take care of his responsibilities.
You don't get to say what's a valid reason or not. And sometimes
you may not want to know his real reason.
You may not want to know it. Let's be real.
What if he actually marries just because you showed your fine? Then
there's more Baraka that you get it.
That you guys get it. Your husband's getting more reward.
That sister now has a man in her life. So she's blessed. If you
have welcomed that situation, and you've been patient, you're
blessed. And now your husband's family has grown your family has
grown
And who knows what Baraka could come into your life through that
system? Allahu Allah. You don't know. But you might as well assume
that if it's come to you that there is clear in it for you. So
it's not like, Oh, you checkmated yourself. Oh, I acted like I was
okay with it. And then he actually went and did it. Yeah. Mistake,
no. Be okay with it, and be open to what Allah subhanaw taala
brings, because it's at the end of the day.
It's at the end of the day.
Right? It's the codon.
So Linda says, there would have to be love in the family, please
Allah. That's what we should be making dua for
put the love increase the love between my husband and I make us a
loving family. Give me love in my heart for my co wife, and for the
children. Let the children love each other. Let us be one.
Let us be one. You don't have to be living in the same house. You
don't have to be in each other's faces. You don't even have to be
in the same country. But be family. That's I again, I could be
wrong, guys.
But that's that's that, for me is the ideal that Allah subhanaw
taala wants for us is that we are believers, and we want good for
each other.
Equal but different. Someone says, Okay.
Let's see.
Right.
So, yeah, we ended up having
a polygamy master class, it was supposed to be around, guys, I
don't have all the answers. But I can speak to stuff that I'm seeing
online.
And, and it's unhealthy. It's unhealthy.
So this says I would be much better suited to the dynamic of
having multiple spouses, and they would benefit they would benefit
if their pride and ego and jealousy didn't get in the way.
Yeah, a lot of the time, it is our pride for sure. Because everybody
wants to be the prize. And everybody wants to believe that he
my husband does not want for anything, because I am amazing.
And I am such a good mom. And I'm such a good sister, like how could
he even want another when he has me? It's the pride guys. It's the
ego.
So yeah, let's accept that. And yeah, and if we can be cool, and
be sisters, for the sake of Allah, not because of her, you know, but
because necessarily you want to make her life easy, even though
that would be a good thing. And that will be good intention. But
for the sake of Allah.
When I said that, oh, yeah, I didn't get to finish my point. Men
don't need much, meaning
all of the layers that we look for in a partner, right, and the
qualities that we look for in a partner, especially the protection
and the provision is, is I would argue, more rare than what men
look for. Because men are looking for a woman who they're attracted
to who's who's decent.
Maybe she can keep house. Of course, different men have
different standards, right? Some want an educated woman, someone
want who's going to stay at home, etc. But for majority of men, men,
average men, their needs can be filled quite easily, right? Many
sisters are not in that situation. Right? Many women in general have
a higher expectation, a higher standard, we want him to be able
to financially look after us. We want him to be a good dad, we want
to in all of these things, right? So what I'm saying is, if you have
found someone who is your decent guy, and I don't mean he's only
yours, I just mean that he is committed to you. You keep hold of
him, because if you leave, and he's of that mindset, he can find
another one like that. Because all he needs is a woman who does basic
woman things. Whereas you, you just opted out of the man who had
committed to you, the man who had children with you, which is
massive, right, and a man you were safe with. And you've opted out of
that, to go out on the streets,
to go out on the streets to find another man who
he may not have any of those qualities and he will never be the
father of your children. And that already counts for a lot. Trust me
ladies, a man will go above and beyond for the mother of his
children in a way that he will not for a woman who doesn't have his
kids point blank period I want to be straight with you. So don't
ever get that twisted, pleasing Sharla.
Name I love how people are so engaged in seeking comfort as if
this is their final destination.
Whoo hoo. Excuse me. I reminded a sister that none of us deserve
more confident the prophets. Yet his household went three months
with just dates. Oh my gosh, sis, that's what I'm saying. Sisters
were so quick to quote Sierra to support our own points. But if you
actually start quoting Sierra like proper proper, all of us will have
to take several seats.
Since this is in Polly, I'm not so I would act as if she didn't
exist. We're not Mormon Sister Wives. No, we're not mom and
sister wives. But sometimes I have to say Man, there's Mormons
Monday, show us up. Those Christian polygamists, they some
of them not all the aspects because some of the aspects are
weird, but they show us up with the way the sisters love each
other. They make us look really bad. They make us look slow, and
spiteful, and greedy and vengeful. And not at all Islamic. Not at all
Islamic. Definitely not loving for our sister, what we you know what
we'd love for ourselves?
single moms who want to re marry but doesn't want polygamy. Why is
this? Why? First ask yourself? Why? Why?
I'm gonna wait for your answer. And I'm not asking why to be
to be flippant. I mean, why? I really mean it. Why do you not
want to? What are your reasons?
Let's see. What about divorced males who want to be married but
want to practice polygamy? Oh, that's an answer to the other one.
says, Yes, I showed you make us look back. Listen, guys, all I'm
saying is that hamdulillah there is no like real Muslim Housewives
of New Jersey and like shows like that. Because it would be game
over for us, it would be game over Subhanallah it would really be
game over how to persuade the spouse by nice statements Islam
inspired to get her more accepting and you making the step? Like go
ahead, take your rights. You know what, this is the kind of question
that we definitely will have to ask the brothers, and maybe we'll
do a poll. But to be honest, I think that the default position of
most wives is that they do not want you to do it. That's the
reality of it. Now, how much is she in your frame? How much? Are
you leading the relationship and the family? How much? Are you
taking responsibility for everything? How Much Does she
respect you and see you as a leader, to the point where she
will respect your decision when you make it, that's really ideally
where you want to be, if you don't have that leverage, this is this
is to the brothers out, there's a bit of game for the brothers. If
you don't have that leverage already in your relationship, in
the sense that she trusts you, she respects you, she's happy to
follow your lead. If you don't have that leverage, you may
struggle. If financially, you're not taking care of business, you
may face a lot of opposition, right? If financially you're not
in a position to at least kind of contribute to another household
without her severely downgrading, then you may struggle, right? If
you already not taking care of things in your own house in the
first household, meaning like you're never around, the kids
never see you, you know, you're not actively committed, then she's
going to be resistant and who could blame her right? So you want
to make sure that you're taking care of things in the first home,
before you decide to step out and establish another one. I think
that that is fair advice. That's not biased. Either way, it's fair.
And in the eyes of Allah that is safer for you. Because you already
have a musalia, you already have a responsibility right now, in the
eyes of Allah, are you fulfilling your duties? If you are, then
hamdulillah it further if you're not, then don't get in a situation
where you actually take on more responsibility than you can
handle.
When I Okay, so saying when I got serious money, cash flow, I'm
gonna go for it. How does that come across? No, I don't think
that will go down at all. Because what she's going to do then is
she's going to actively work against you having serious
cashflow. You make sure that your first house is sound, and
establish yourself as a credible and trustworthy leader of that
house. And then any decisions you make after that insha Allah that
that will even if there is initial kind of discomfort, et cetera, it
will be accepted because she's in your frame. But definitely don't
like lead up to the conversation say oh yeah, but when I get rich,
that's what I'm doing. Unless it's like a joke Ting and you want to
just sow the seeds in which case you know, that might be fine.
Subhan Allah. Let's see Lily. Yes, you have to obey your husband,
even when he's not providing Allah is going to question you on your
actions. I don't know your circumstances, but sometimes we're
part of the problem. Okay. There's there's other stuff going on in
the chat that I wasn't aware of. So my apologies.
If my husband is a good man, and there's a good woman in need of a
husband and he provide for her to Subhanallah I will be happy for
her to have a good husband. Bye
him marrying her to Mashallah. Oh, you know, I don't want to kind of
boost anybody up or make anybody else feel bad. But I think we can
all agree that Islamically that is the preferable response. That is
the ideal response. Do we live in a world of ideal? No. But can we
aspire to it? At least? Yes.
All right. I think we're going to enter your guys. I can't even
believe I've been on here chatting for an hour shocking. coolers
back. He says nobody is saying that men shouldn't fulfill their
duties. But it's these modern hijabi feminist women who are
projecting polygamy as something haram, a sin a great injustice
against women. And I want to just, I want to address this thing of
polygamy being for men and for the benefit of men. Right? If the
brother was marrying more men,
you may have a point. Right? If polygamy was about, you have one
wife, and then you have men, okay, then you could say that, yeah, the
men are the ones benefiting Okay, only men are benefiting. But
that's not the case. Right? If you remember, during the time of the
Romans, when the Romans had their empire, the Romans used to do
that. The Romans had one wife, who was for procreation, right? And
they would marry her they would have their children with her. But
then they would have lovers. They were had multiple lovers who were
male, right? And though that was where the Love came from, that's
where the arrows came from. That's where they fulfilled their
emotional, romantic and sexual sizes with other men. So you could
say you could potentially argue that that type of plural situation
it benefits men, but in Islam,
it's like with forgetting your husbands marrying another sister.
She's not a homewrecker. Stop with that. She's not the other woman.
Stop with that. She's not a mistress. Stop with that. Right.
She's not some hussy or some side chick stop with that. She is your
sister.
Um, Abdullah says it was the Greeks not the Romans, my
apologies.
He's marrying a sister. And that sister may or may not have
children they often do.
who are in need,
potentially, of what your husband can bring to them. Right? So this
thing of polygamy benefits men. Listen, I'll tell you what
benefits men? Yeah.
Adultery, benefits men. It's great. We can say that. Adultery
benefits men. Why? Because men get to have exactly what they want
without paying the price. But in the deen and in polygamy, if a man
wants to marry again, if he does want another wife, if he does want
variety, or another flavor, or whatever it is, he's paying the
price for that.
He is paying the price for that. He is investing in that he's
taking responsibility before Allah with that through the Nica that is
not for the benefit of men.
That sister is benefiting, those kids are benefiting he yes is
benefiting. If you choose to sis you can benefit too. If you choose
you choose your children could benefit to
start looking at examples of polygamy done right?
Start looking at examples of families that have made it work
for them. How have they made it work? What mindset did they have?
What intentions do they have? How do they figure out the logistics
and the time and the money and the children? That's what we should be
looking at?
Oh?
Oh Ma sha Allah Super Chat. 10 pounds just like a locator Nyima.
May Allah accept it from all of us. Thank you so much for the
Super Chat. Just like Hello, hey.
Oh, let's see. Let's see. Let's see.
Oh, let's see. There's reality that when we have husbands, we're
not perfect. We're not perfect Muslim women. Yeah, we grew over
time, and it never became better. Why not give the sister that time
to grow as we had Pamela. And, you know, let's, let's be let's, let's
be just here as well. You Brother, as a man, it's upon you to pick a
sister for your second or your third or your fourth. That is
going to bring him to your current dynamic. And what I mean by that
is, I don't mean you have to bring her into your family into your
first wife's house, the initial wife's house and all of that stuff
in right in her face, because everybody does this slightly
differently, right? But
to pick a sister who's Aslan, a good sister, because if she's a
good sister, she's going to look after you, right? She's going to
respect you. She's going to trust you, she's going to obey, you're
going to do all the good things, right? We're just going to put you
in a good headspace, that allows you to show up in a good way in
your initial family in your initial home. So it's fair all
around. Don't pick a sister who's messy. Please
don't pick a sister who's going to give you a headache. Don't pick a
sister, who is going to go and chat about your business, who is
going to talk to you about your first wife in a way that is
immature or dumb or cause fitna? If you choose a sister like that,
and the sister situation blows up, then that's on you. And since if
you're going in as a subsequent wife, don't be that messy chick.
Don't be that messy chick. Yeah. If a brother marries you, and he
brings you into the fold of his family, behave yourself.
Behave yourself. Okay? Behave like a Muslimah. Should. The best of
manners or Haluk etiquette respectful, right? Trustworthy
wanting for your sister what you want for yourself, like wound up?
Getting supermarket shopping from supermarket taking bins out does
not need an alpha or toxic masculine man just a brother with
an ounce of sincerity Yes.
Subhanallah where are we?
Let's see this. Oh, gosh, there's so much happening in the chat. If
you guys are watching on the replay, just give me a shout outs
and replay gang and make sure if you can to watch the live chat
while you're watching this because it's it's on fire Subhanallah The
issue is that we've been taught that Respect is earned if a sister
refuses to obey her husband that's on her and she will answer to
Allah about that. Just as he will answer to Allah Exactly. We only
have control over what we are responsible for. So here we go.
What's this adultery and fornication is bottom line. I
think sisters on the podcast will save some people from hellfire by
facilitating this in the UK today. Guys, look at the end of the day.
Let's be real right here. We know Muslims are committing Zina.
Right. We unfortunately this is a reality. I'm not saying that. It's
super widespread. I'm not saying everyone's doing it. But we know
that it does happen. And the unfortunate thing that we finding
out more and more is that married men and women are doing it too.
So if your husband wants to marry again,
that shows you something he has Taqwa
he has Taqwa. If he didn't have taqwa, he would not even be
talking about getting married. He would just do the do
you know how many brothers we hear about falling into Zina, through
escorts through prostitutes, call girls *, people at work.
If he mentions getting married. That shows a he has Taqwa.
And that's something to be happy about. If he mentions it to you
CES, you think that you're playing a trump card by saying Don't you
ever mentioned that to me again? I will never allow that. Oh, how
dare you? If you ever did you think you're playing the trump
card? Right? You think that? Yeah, there you go. I got him.
But you're not
all you're doing is shutting down the conversation. He is sharing
with you a legitimate desire.
And you're shutting it down.
There's a consequence for that. He may not feel comfortable having
that conversation with you again, he may not feel comfortable if he
does find a sister somehow. He may not feel comfortable coming to you
with that. In which case, he may take actions that you will not
appreciate. But that's because you closed the door.
And you made it like a non negotiable this can never right.
Right? That was a lot.
Okay,
guys.
Not all can accept it and that's okay. That's fine. You don't know
what you can tolerate. Actually, I disagree with that.
You don't know what you can tolerate until you decide that
you're going to tolerate something. You have to make the
decision first, and then you take the action. You can't when you've
never been in the situation. This particular situation you can't say
I can't do that. I can't tolerate that. Because that's a decision.
What you're actually saying is, I refuse to tolerate this, I am not
going to be okay with this. That's a decision that's on you. As for
what you can bear, because people like to say that as well.
Oh, Allah doesn't burden us all more than it can bear. Therefore,
you know, this is not for me. If you've not been in that situation,
then you don't know what you can bear. Because you've not tried.
you've not tried. That's the truth. I'm just being honest. You
just haven't tried. So you can't actually say, I can't cope with
this until you've given it a fair shot for the sake of Allah. That's
it. And if you've given it a fair shot for the sake of Allah, and it
was destroying you, and you've sought help, and it's just the
worst thing ever. Allah has allowed you and out. But at least
you can say that you tried.
At least you can say that you tried. All right. But that's it
for me guys. The chat is too much, much alive, too. Amazing. Thank
you so much. For those of you who watch live, leave your takeaways
in the comments, please. And do make sure that you like the video,
share the video, subscribe to the channel, we're on our way to 50k
subs, you guys can help us get there in sha Allah. And I'll see
you on Wednesday. This was an impromptu live so many of you came
on that's wonderful. But Wednesday insha Allah I will be on in my
usual time in the evening, we're going to be talking about *
addiction and women. Okay, so please make sure that you come on
me even Illa and Thursday night as well. It's the candid
conversations with Brother Nasser and I'll see you then insha Allah
and I think we're gonna be talking about polygamy again as well
because it came up in the last week's show. And you know, it's
still obviously a really big issue. So be it Nila. I will see
you then just like hello hello everyone. Salam aleikum wa
rahmatullah wa barakato.