Naima B. Robert – If You Only Had 6 Months to Live Na’ima B. Robert
AI: Summary ©
The workshop in Musama Self Care Conference is designed to provide guidance and feedback for those who have limited time. The focus is on the "useful state" rather than the current state, and the focus is on the three segments of positive and negative emotions. The workshop provides tools for managing one's positive and negative states, including learning to control one's internal and external environment, listening to others' responses, and adjusting one's behavior. The importance of self-reflection and reconnecting with oneself is also emphasized. The importance of staying in a positive and rewarding state is also emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
Welcome. Welcome to this workshop in the Musama
Self Care Conference.
I'm your host, Naima b Robert, and I'm
also,
doing this workshop with you all, Insha'Allah.
The
title of this workshop
was inspired by a moment that I had
last week
in which, I remember I had woken up.
I hadn't gotten ready for the day, and
I was
sitting, on the side of my bed,
and
a thought came to me.
What if you only had 6 months?
That's just the thought that came to me.
What if you only had
6 months?
That's all you've got. That's all you've got
to plan with. That's all you've got to
live through. That's all you've got to achieve
whatever it is that you want to achieve
on this earth.
How would you show up
differently?
That was the question.
That was the question that came to mind.
So as you are listening to this,
what's the first thing that comes to your
mind? Someone said to you, you have 6
months to live. That's all you have to
plan with. That's all you have. You can
only
guarantee another 6 months.
What would change for you?
Put it in the chat. Put it in
the comments.
If you're watching the replay of this, have
a serious think about that.
What would change for you? How would you
show up differently
if you only had
6 months to live? And I'm gonna wait
for you to put your responses in the
chat inshallah before I continue.
Tayba says she would prepare herself to meet
Allah.
What about the rest of you ladies? Atiyah
said she would quit work and pursue what
she's really passionate about.
Very interesting.
It's very interesting. I was having this conversation
with my son yesterday.
He was saying
the way that you answer that question is
a really interesting
look at your own state of iman
because he was saying and he's 17. And
he was saying, you know, for some people,
if you were to say to them, you've
only got 6 months, it would be like,
you know, YOLO.
I wanna get out the bucket list. I
wanna do this. I wanna make sure I
do that. I wanna do this before I
die. I wanna do that before I die.
Right? And he was saying that somebody who
truly believes in Allah,
their focus is going to be on, okay,
meeting Allah, you know, on on the akhira,
and that's what their 6 months would look
like. So it's very, very interesting. Hafsa says
that she would spend more time with their
family.
Sarah says she said I will have no
concern
for all the exams and things that are
worrying me, and I will concentrate on my
family and Allah and Allah.
Laura said I would make the most of
the time I have in so many ways
and also repent and improve myself insha'Allah.
But here it says, I will be preparing
my will and preparing for the afterlife. SubhanAllah
SubhanAllah.
Isn't that
interesting?
Farida says make more dua. You know, I've
heard this being said before and I'm sure
it is true that the majority of people
on their deathbed,
the regrets that they have
are very rarely to do with the things
that we consider
material in this life, and they are always
to do with
family and people and their own state. Right?
So interesting. We hear this all the time.
People don't regret not buying that car, not
going on that holiday, not going for that
promotion, you know, not setting up that business.
On their deathbed,
it's the things that they know
they cannot
redo, the things that they cannot undo,
and it's to do with the people around
them and their own state.
So with that being said,
I would like to invite us all to
go on this journey, okay,
together over the next 20 minutes, half an
hour, okay,
where
we really start thinking
of this life
in terms of the reality of this life.
So I wanna share with you a hadith
inshallah.
It was reported by ibn Mas'ud
that the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said,
the son of Adam will not be dismissed
from his lord on the day of resurrection
until he is questioned about 5 issues.
His life and how he lived it,
his youth and how he used it, his
wealth and how he earned it and spent
it, and how he acted on his knowledge
I think that's the how he earned it
and spent it and then how he acted
on his knowledge
So those are the things that we will
be questioned about
and we will not move from Allah
until
we answer for those things. So I would
like to draw your attention
to that first one,
your life and how you lived it. Some
of us,
our youth is gone. So whatever we did
with our youth
is done and there's nothing we can do
about it. Some of you, Masha'Allah, you still
have youth. Maybe Islamically, we are considered to
still have youth, Allahu'alam.
But in this workshop,
I would love
to talk with you about your life and
how you lived it. Now
I'm not going to speak about the things
that you did or the things that you're
doing per se, because I think for most
of us, we know that, you know, if
we truly remember death the way that we
were supposed to, the way that we are
reminded to,
we would definitely increase in Ibadah.
We would want to have a lot more
Ikhlas in all our activities. We would have
want to have more sincerity.
We would stop doing a lot of things
that we maybe are doing that we know
kinda shouldn't be doing.
We would start doing a lot of things
that, you know, we know are good for
us in the.
So this workshop is not really about that.
Although,
I encourage you, just like I encourage myself
to after this is done, really think about,
if I did have 6 months, what would
I stop doing today?
We're gonna get into some action based stuff
later. But what would I stop doing today?
What would I start doing today? What would
I recommit to? What would I
really minimize if I knew that my time
was limited? And the thing is,
this kind of if you had 6 months,
it's an interesting
exercise,
but it's actually a lot less of a
theoretical
exercise than you think.
Why do I say that? Because
none of us are guaranteed
even a single day more, and
that is the truth.
I'm gonna say that again for the people
in the back.
None of us are guaranteed
even a single day more than we have.
Death is the only certainty,
but when it comes,
completely
uncertain. We have no knowledge of the hour.
And
so when we are reminded by, for example,
the narration of Ali,
you know, if you meet the morning,
do not expect to meet the evening. And
if you meet the evening, do not expect
to meet the morning. Right? Take yourselves to
account
before, you know, but but and when we
have the time to take ourselves to account,
before we are taken to account.
So many reminders in our dean about
death and its reality and the fact that
our time
is not guaranteed.
None of us was born
with a passport that said you will live
66 years, you will live 93 years, you
will die before you reach 45.
None of us. K?
So if that is true,
and give me a yes in the comments,
a yes in the chat if you know
this to be true. For real for real.
Because right now I'm not playing with y'all.
Okay?
And Allah knows I need to hear this
myself that's why I'm saying it for the
people in the back, especially me in the
back.
We don't know,
We have no guarantees. So
if that is the case,
let's take this exercise seriously
because it's not really theoretical.
We are taught as Muslims to prepare for
death
practically,
spiritually,
emotionally, to prepare
for a time when our life on this
earth will be done, and we will have
no more deeds,
no more access to forgiveness and repentance and
dua and all of these things. Cut off
our our that's it. Except for the things
that last beyond us.
A child who makes to art, etcetera. K?
So if this is the case, I wanna
ask you,
a question.
You know that you have a limited number
of days,
weeks, months, years. We don't know how long.
So I wanna ask you,
if you were consciously
living in that knowledge, in that reality,
what state
would you choose to live in? So you
see here, I'm not talking about what would
you do.
I'm asking you
who you would be.
What state would you be in
emotionally and spiritually and mentally?
What state would you choose to be in
if you knew?
I've only got a short amount of time
left. I'm gonna let you guys put it
in the chat, then I wanna share something
with you that I find very very useful
for this conversation.
Right.
Bear with me a second while I pull
it up.
Right. I'm going to share this with you,
so you can all see. So we've got
peace and calm.
We've got a state of gratitude.
Keep going, sisters.
Okay.
Let me see.
Where is this chat?
Remembering Allah,
contentment,
gratitude again,
a state of submission,
gratitude and acceptance,
Ihsan,
show up even more
fearlessness,
controlling the heart enough small, seeking refuge from
shaitan more often,
more Ibadah, okay, peace and contentment,
Tawakul.
Right. Now I love this. Thank you so
much, sisters, for sharing that with me.
Thank you so much for engaging.
State of constant remembrance of Allah,
awareness of the heedlessness of the nafs,
a state of experiencing everything to the fullest,
love,
remembering Allah. Right? Masha'Allah. Now remember guys, I
would like you to focus on how you
would be, not what you would do because
that's what this this workshop is about.
So
let's look at this. I'm just gonna bring
it down. Please forgive my terrible
my my tabs are just a shame. Yeah.
But don't worry about it.
This is, a a wheel, a feeling wheel
that I found. Okay? I would like you
all just to take
just take some time to look at this
wheel of feelings. Okay?
As you'll see,
I'm gonna just move my cursor. I hope
you'll be able to see it. Can everybody
see the sad
quadrant here? Well, not quadrant. The sad slice.
Just give me a yes in the chat
if you can see me indicating the sad
slice.
It's like the gray the gray part. Okay.
Great. So we've got sad,
we've got mad,
we've got scared,
then we've got joyful,
we've got powerful,
and we've got peaceful.
So I would love for you to have
a look at this.
And
those
states that you shared with me, how you
would want to be how the state you'd
want to be in,
find them or their equivalents
on this,
on this chart
and tell me which of those 1, 2,
3, 4, 5, 6,
segments they belong in. Is it in the
sad one, in the mad one, in the
scared one,
or is in the peaceful one, the powerful
one, or the joyful one?
When you found your your your space, if
you like, just put which one of those
it's in. I've got someone who was in
the peaceful zone. Peaceful
zone. Peaceful zone.
Peaceful and powerful.
Tamkeen,
when I'm asking,
where you want to be,
not where you are right now, but where
you want to be. Okay? If you had
those 6 months, which, you know, this is
the exercise,
what state would you want to be in?
Whatever you put as the state you'd want
to be in, find it on the chart
and tell me where it fits. Okay? So
we've got peaceful, we've got joyful, we've got
peaceful and powerful, we've got more peaceful.
Are y'all seeing what I'm seeing?
Are you guys seeing what I'm seeing?
Because
the thing is that our
positive emotions,
what I'm seeing here what I'm I'll tell
you what I'm seeing here.
We've got a situation where you've got pee
it's it's almost like these positive emotions
from sort of low intensity positive to high
intensity positive. Are you guys seeing that? I'm
seeing peaceful,
which is calm, which is in flow, which
is, you know, relaxed,
serene,
succina. Right? That's in the peaceful zone. Right?
Then the powerful is more action oriented, it's
more extroverted,
it's cheerful,
confident,
hopeful, you know, but they're still hopeful,
intelligent,
Okay? Appreciated, respected. So subhanAllah,
what I'm seeing is, like, the the intensity
is growing. Right? Then you've got the joyful,
which is now
stimulating,
extravagant, delightful, daring, excited, playful, sexy.
So different energy.
1 is a more I feel a calmer,
more introverted energy, and then it kind of
progresses to a more extroverted energy. Now the
interesting thing is
majority of you
picked a state
in the peaceful zone. Are you seeing that?
Give me a yes in the chat if
that was true for you. It's not for
everyone,
but for most of
us, it seems like
we want to be in a state of
acceptance,
of serenity,
of thankfulness, of gratitude,
of trusting,
of contentment, of being thoughtful,
loving, nurturing.
That's what you guys said. That's exactly what
you guys said. If it was a choice
between
push push push and
accept and be at peace and be calm,
many of you chose to be in that
peaceful zone. Okay. So that's
great. Good to know because, masha'Allah, as you
can see, there's a huge range of emotions
on the positive scale. But now I wanna
ask you something.
How much
of our time
are we spending
in the negative segments?
And I wanna ask you to just take
some time to look at those 3, the
sad segment,
the mad segment, the scared segment,
and
tell me which segment you feel you spend
the most time in. It could be that
you spend time in all of them, and
if you do just say all, it could
be that you spend more time in the
mad zone,
more in the sad zone, more in the
scared zone.
Have a look. It takes a bit of
time to read through all of them. But
when you found the segment that you tend
to go into
when you go into a negative space,
just pop it in the chat or in
the comments.
Okay. We have mad and scared.
All 3.
Mad.
Yeah. And all the zones, especially mad.
Wow. Most of the time, mad, scared, sad.
Wow.
Are you guys seeing what I'm seeing?
Those
negative emotions,
that whole
array, and, of course, there are so many
of them. Yeah?
We hold on to those emotions
because we think we have time.
I'm gonna say that again.
We hold on to those negative emotions
and sit in those negative spaces
because we believe we have time.
We have the luxury
to sit
in boredom.
We have the luxury to be angry with
our loved ones.
We have the luxury
of feeling foolish and embarrassed.
We have the luxury of selfishness.
We have the luxury of feeling inferior and
apathetic.
We have the luxury of feeling hateful,
rageful,
hostile,
hurt,
even in rejection, confusion, helplessness,
it's a luxury
to spend time in that state.
Because you know that if your time was
limited,
you would bounce out of that state before
you could say 123.
Give me a yes in the chat if
you know that that's true.
If you truly truly believe that, you know
what?
I don't have time to waste,
I don't have the luxury
of sitting in my mess, just like the
Yinka was saying to us, sitting in my
mess, wallowing in my self pity,
holding on to my guilt, holding on to
this depressed
state, wearing my anger as a mantle, wearing
my helplessness
as some kind of crown. I don't have
the luxury of that because if I die
on that,
that will be a real shame.
I don't want to die on that negative
spectrum.
I wanna die on the positive
spectrum. Why?
Because the positive spectrum is the truth.
I'm gonna say that again.
I want to die on the positive
spectrum because the positive spectrum is the truth
that I choose to believe.
It is the truth.
Why do I say that?
Because Allah
has made promise after promise
both in his names and attributes and in
the words he has said to us directly
in the
Quran.
We will not burden a soul more than
it can bear. All of these things that
Allah has promised us, he is Ar Rahman,
Ar Raheem. He will not change the state
of a person until they change
what is within themselves.
And so if you sit in your anger,
if you sit in your shame, if you
sit in your weakness, do you expect Allah
to change your state? How?
Why? That positive spectrum
is our truth that as believers we should
cling to
because we know that Allah has blessed us
beyond measure.
It's just that we forget sometimes.
We know
that we have the ability.
We know that we have everything we need.
We know that Allah is our help. He's
our aid, that he has blessed us with
more blessings than we can count. We know
this,
but we just choose to forget sometimes.
And we choose to allow the negative emotions
to override
the positive emotions.
Are you guys picking up what I'm putting
down? Give me a yes in the chat
if you are.
I like what Tankin said. So we belong
we belong to the akhida but we try
to linger in the seduction of the dunya.
So parlola says you know what?
The thing is
if our attachment to the dunya
makes us sad and mad and scared
and our awareness of the akhirah makes us
peaceful, powerful, and joyful, then what are we
doing?
Like for reals what are we doing?
It's like this dunya
and it's it's trials
and it's it's it's inconveniences
and it's pain is like a drug,
But it's a drug that doesn't even make
us feel good.
That's the crazy thing.
What are we doing?
Why are we taking hits
of a place that it why are we
taking hits of this dunya? Why are we
taking sniffing up this dunya when it only
makes us feel helpless?
It only makes us feel guilty, ashamed, inferior,
skeptical, irritated, all of this nonsense
that we don't have time for
that we don't have time for
that we don't have time for.
And so
what we find is that when we
drink from
our knowledge of Allah
and the akhirah,
where what happens?
We become at peace.
We feel faithful.
We feel hopeful.
We feel proud.
We can tap into
feeling delightful and cheerful in spite of
in spite of the difficulties of this life.
So I'd like to offer you something. I'm
not here to shout at you. This is
a reminder for myself first and it's some
of these things guys
literally I'm downloading them as I speak. It's
not from me. So if anything good comes
from this,
believe me when I say it's from Allah
Maybe you're here for a certain reason. Maybe
Allah wants you to hear something. Maybe that
thing will come out of my mouth. Allah
knows best. It's up to him. I didn't
make this up and I didn't plan this
beforehand. Whatever I'm coming with is a direct
download. SubhanAllah. So
really,
what are we doing?
Wasting our lives in any of those negative
spaces, in those negative spectrums.
If we are doing it, ladies, any one
of you that is doing that, please, I
ask you now
to check yourself
and ask yourself if I was if seriously,
if my time was as finite as it
is, if I was really aware of that,
would I bother wasting my time in this
space?
Would I bother feeding this emotion?
Would I bother telling myself stories that confirm
this emotion?
Or would I
change my state?
Would I change the story I'm telling myself?
Would I change my company? Would I change
direction? Would I course correct?
What would I tap into
if my time was limited and I knew
that I did not have the luxury of
just, yep, wallowing in whatever nonsense I'm wallowing
in? We would change for sure.
So I want to give you, inshallah,
a tool that inshallah you can use
to change your state. And this is the
thing, the ladies in my in my be
the hero program, they know all about changing
state. I've got some of them from the
show up program here. And they know all
about changing state because we talk about it
a lot. And I learned this, I've studied
with Lainka, so I learned it from her.
But I also got this from Tony Robbins
And, Yani, all people who do NLP and
everybody, we all know. As human beings, we
have the ability Allah
has given us the ability to change
our state,
and it is a huge nimma.
A huge
We think and I certainly thought before I
came across this knowledge, I thought
that my state
was determined by my environment.
You know, if I felt angry, it was
because someone made me angry.
If I felt sad, it's because something sad
happened and my response was natural. If I
felt,
you know, whatever negative emotion you can think
of, I thought that it's just a natural
consequence of what someone did or something that
happened. I did not know
that
it's not a given
and that you can choose
differently. And I'll give you an example.
I remember reading in Stephen Covey's book about,
his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and
he quotes,
a quote that really spun last stayed with
me.
And he says,
between stimulus and response,
there is a space.
Between
stimulus,
something happening,
and your response,
there is a space.
There is a gap there,
and you get to choose.
Most of us are not aware that we
are choosing subconsciously.
We think it's a normal response. It's a
natural reaction, not realizing
we are simply going according to our subconscious
program.
Okay?
But when you become aware
that, oh, okay. I am actually making a
subconscious choice to
see it that way,
to understand it that way, to respond that
way,
you then take back your power
to be able to respond in a way
that is useful.
So
in the case of
the 6 months that we've got, yeah,
life will happen.
Good things and bad things will happen.
Circumstances will not always be ideal. People will
not always behave the way we want them
to. We will not always show up the
way that we expect
ourselves to show up all the way we'd
like to show up. So
know this,
if you want to spend the majority of
your time in that
positive zone that we saw on the poster,
you must take control of your state.
I say to my clients
that we want to be
warm blooded creatures.
Meaning what?
And anybody who's in my program, you can
answer in the comments or in the chat.
What do I mean when I say we
wanna be warm blooded creatures not cold blooded
creatures?
Cold blooded creatures, as you know,
need
the outer environment
in order to regulate their temperature. If a
cold blooded creature
is in the as in is in a
cold environment, he's gonna be super cold and
probably gonna be not very good for him,
so he needs to get out of there.
Right?
Yes, Khaleed.
So they're gonna be cold, and they have
to go to a warm environment for their
blood
for their blood temperature to go up for
them to be healthy. Right?
There are lots of cold blooded people out
there.
Maybe you're one of them.
What is a cold blooded person? A cold
blooded person
is someone whose internal state
is affected,
by and large by their external
situation, their external circumstances.
If people are nice to them, they feel
good. If people give them a compliment, they
feel confident.
And likewise,
if someone is mean to them, they feel
sad. If someone criticizes them, they lose confidence
and feel shame.
It's all regulated by their
external environment.
Now
many of us were taught
to do that from a young age
through home the way we were raised at
home and the way we were taught in
the school system. We were taught to rely
on external validation.
Right? On other people to tell us that
we're good. Other people to say, well done.
Other people to say, you're so beautiful. Other
people to say, I believe in you for
you then to feel, yeah, it was true.
I could take on the world. Give me
a yes to the chat if you know
what I'm talking about. Because you would have
also had people saying to you that no,
you're bad because you didn't do that. Why
can't you be like so and so because
they do this? You know, you need to
improve that. You know, you'll never be like
this. You shouldn't be like that, and all
of these things. Right?
So we don't wanna go into too much
of the childhood stuff even though it's so
so important. But my point is this,
cold blooded
creatures, cold blooded people,
unfortunately,
because of the world that we live in
and because we live that we're the part
of the human race,
a lot of cold blooded people suffer
from being in that negative
spectrum a lot of the time
because very few of us are surrounded by
warm, loving,
appreciative, respectful people. Give me a yes yes
if you know what I'm talking about.
If you have family, if you have colleagues,
if you have a husband, if you have
kids,
you might not be surrounded by the most
supportive, loving,
respectful, affirming
group of people.
Right?
So if you are cold blooded,
those people will affect you.
What they think of you, what they say
to you, how they treat you will affect
your sense of self and your
state. So then you end up spending time
in that negative spectrum that we looked at.
And so what I'm inviting you to do
is to claim the identity of a warm
blooded woman.
A woman whose internal state
is regulated
internally
and is not
produced by external factors.
You take control of your state.
You take control
of your state.
And I'm gonna give you 3 tools that
I learned from Tony Robbins on how to
do that.
Because I think you all know now
how important it is to actually make a
choice
as to which state you want to be
in. Because if you just go with life,
you will end up in that negative space
a lot of the time.
And as people who have
limited time on this earth, we don't have
time to waste in that negative space. We
wanna live the majority of our time in
the positive space, that whole spectrum
of positive emotion.
And so this is what I wanna invite
you to to do so. Firstly,
know that you can choose your state. You
can choose to change your state. Okay? As
I said,
there is a space between the stimulus and
the response. There is a space.
And if you
take the example for of a child who
does something wrong,
there are several responses that are possible for
you. You could shout,
you could let's say say that your child
has dropped, some milk on the floor and
the glass has smashed. Okay?
Several responses. Give me what are some some
possible responses
in the chat.
What are some just a few ways that
you could respond potentially
to your child dropping a glass of milk
in the kitchen? What are some ways that
you could respond?
Okay. Scolding is 1.
Laughing is another.
Very interesting.
You could
have no response, okay?
You would clean up the mess, be very
practical about it, you could check to see
if the child is injured,
you could shout,
you could scream,
okay, you could soothe, you could hush them,
you You could give them a hug. Okay.
Now we're talking.
Someone could get annoyed. Someone could be like,
not again.
Whoopsie. What happened? So many different ways. Right?
So this is the thing.
We think that our our response
is a natural response to something happening, but
every one of you
may respond differently due to your own programming,
due to the way your mind works. For
somebody who, for example, has studied parenting
and parenting psychology, child psychology,
their response is going to be different to
somebody who when they were young was always
criticized when they made a mistake. Give me
a yes in the chat if you know
what I'm talking about.
Right? So the point is this,
our responses
are not just a natural consequence. Okay? They
are
programming most of the time, and we can
change our programming. It can take some time,
but we can do it. So three things
that I'd like you to 2 3 tools
that I wanna give you today so that
you can live
your life
in, inshallah,
the positive space most of the time.
That you know you can change your state
and it's a choice that you can make.
And if you do know that your time
is finite, then I'm sure every one of
you would make that choice because who would
choose to be in that negative mess? Nobody.
Right? Okay. So what are these three things?
These three things are
things that you can adjust in order to
shake yourself out of a negative state. K?
The first is
your physiology.
Your physiology
is what you do with your body.
Now a lot of people don't
pay attention
to the way your physiology
changes
the way you feel.
But all of you for a second, I
know I can't see you, but just all
of you for a second go back in
your mind to a time when you felt
really,
really down, really low,
low energy, maybe feeling sad or anxious or
even depressed or depleted,
just sit sit in that for a second.
Just sit in that for a second
and
just just go there.
What did you notice about my physiology?
And what did you notice about your physiology?
What did your head do?
What did your eyes do? Thank you. What
did your eyes do? What did your shoulders
do? What did your muscles do? How did
your how did your breath change?
That's for me that that's that's like
yeah. That's like, you know, the opposite of
warrior stance is it's like, oh,
defeat stance. So my head's down,
my eyes are down, my breath is is
shallow.
You know,
death there's no tension in my body at
all. I slump my shoulders. Even my bed
is poking out. You can't see it, but
it is.
Compared to
this energy.
Right?
Heaviness, Tamekin. Exactly. Rahima says stomp shoulders.
Right? No eye contact, hunched down, sad eyes,
dropped shoulders.
Exactly, ladies.
And this is the point.
Sometimes we get into a a negative space.
Physiologically,
we get into that space and then we
wonder why we don't feel good.
One of the ways to move out of
that state to change your state is literally
to move out of that state.
Okay?
Whether it is to lift your head up.
K. We were taught something at Tony Robbins
Vyanka knows like this, like, tilt that you
do with your sternum that is like your
warrior pose, you know, your wonder woman pose.
Power pose. Yes.
Yeah. Punch the air.
Square your shoulders.
Whatever it is. Yeah.
That shakes you out of that particular state.
Physiology
is important. If you've been in your bed
and you're you're you're you're you're obsessing over
negative thoughts, etcetera,
get up out of bed.
If you're dragging your feet, if you're walking
around like a zombie,
I don't know man, put on some Mahrezain
and just like shake yourself up, shake yourself
up, do some jumping jacks,
go out into nature, step walk on the
grass, breathe deeply,
allow yourself to breathe deeply, look yourself in
the mirror,
give yourself a smile, give yourself a wink,
say, it's okay, girl. We've got this.
This physiologic this literally, guys, it is it
can
rejig your brain,
shake off that negative state, and embody one
of the more positive states. In this case,
probably more on the joyful and powerful
first thing that first tool that I wanna
give you.
A second tool I'd like to give you
is your focus.
Ladies, ladies, ladies,
trust me when I say and Allah knows
this is a lesson I have had to
learn again and again and again.
What you focus on
determines your state.
If you focus on the bad,
you will feel bad. If you focus on
the good, you will feel good.
I will say that again.
If you focus
on the bad, you'll feel bad. If you
focus on the good, you'll feel good. It's
really simple.
And the reality is that
everything is
everything exists at once.
It's not just because you've got bad things
happening in your life that there is nothing
good. It's just that the bad
is what you're focusing on and the good
is too far away. You're not even focusing
on that. So change it up just like
the Yinka showed us. Change it up, put
the volume down on the bad and put
the volume up on the good.
Change choose your focus wisely.
You've got a situation in your life that
is not going the way that you want,
that is causing you any of those negative
emotions, frustration,
shame, guilt, sadness, rage, whatever it is.
Don't spend time
focusing on the thing that is making you
feel that way. Change your focus. If you
want to change your state,
change your focus.
Give me a guess in the chat if
this is making sense so far.
It's totally within your power to do this
because everything is available. I always say this,
my clients always laugh at me because I
just said everything is available.
It's all there. Even if your child did
not sleep last night, so you didn't get
a wink of sleep, which is a bad
thing,
Yeah a tough thing to deal with
You have a child
And that child gives you the best smiles
in the morning and that's available too.
Yeah, so your husband annoyed you last night
with whatever he did and that's not so
great
But you remember the time that he rubbed
your feet after you had that really, really
hard day and that's available too. One doesn't
cancel out the other.
So choose what you focus on.
It's the second thing. Then the third thing
is language.
And, again, Leighton talked about this in her
in her presentation talking about the way that
we speak to ourselves.
Be aware of the language that you use
when you talk to yourself,
when you talk about yourself, and when you
describe and talk about your situation.
Because things like I
I have to and, you know, there's I
have to energy,
which is heavy, which is about duty, which
is
yanny for me, it's heavy.
I don't say I have to pick up
the kids from school. I say I get
to or I'm going to or I'm excited
to pick my girls up from school.
Okay?
You know, I've got to get through this
such and such heavy energy.
It's not going to put you in a
joyful state. Does anybody have a word hack
that they like to use to kind of
trip there were there were quite a few
coaches on here today. Does anybody have another
word hack that they'd like to offer,
the attendees?
Something that they use that kind of allows
them to lift like an anchor to just
trip them back into a positive state. I
choose to, Tamkeen says. Yes. Sarah says I
get to. Fantastic.
Khadijah says, I take imperfect action.
I'm honored to, I'm grateful for, and I'm
grateful to.
Right? So those of you who are doing
those affirmations, for example, I'm sure that you're
using these types of things. I'm happy to
go and see my mother-in-law this weekend. Yeah.
I choose to respect my husband's need for
sleep,
in the afternoon. Whatever it is, I intend
to. I'm excited to I get to I
get to I get to
Again taking us into that joyful and powerful
state. I'm blessed too
in the peaceful state.
Yeah. I've been I was made for this.
I have everything I need. I say that
to myself all the time. You're in the
right place at the right time. I allow
myself
to do this.
I allow myself to receive.
I am worthy.
I am worth the time it takes to
get have a good bedtime routine.
Okay?
These words that we speak,
they have power.
And
pay attention to how you speak to not
only yourself, but also your children.
Okay? Because it does again,
these are it's it's their programming.
That whatever you are giving them is going
to be their programming. And yesterday, we spoke
a lot about
dealing with the the the baggage really of
childhood programming
that, you know, as as sister Khadija said,
we've been programmed by
adults who did not know what they were
doing.
So they just did whatever their parents did
or whatever they thought was normal, not realizing
the effects on us, and now we are
dealing with that and trying to unlearn some
of the things that they taught us unwittingly.
We are in a state now, sisters, where
we understand
at least some of how this works.
And so our children, inshallah, can miss out
on that stage.
To a certain extent, we can do better.
We can do better with ourselves and we
can do better with our children and we
can change
the trajectory
of our families.
And this is another thing about the self
care, ladies.
Self care, I'm sure you guys all know,
is not a luxury,
and we've spoken about this from many different
angles. But one of the reasons self care
for a woman
is not a luxury
is that she
will feed
others.
K? That is what we do. We feed
others.
We pour into others.
So when we are when we are healthy
and we are whole,
what we pour in,
how we nurture
will be positive, will be beautiful,
will be will be a blessing. Okay?
When we are not whole, when we are
scarred, when we are hurting, when we are
angry, when we are frustrated, when we are
sad, when we are rageful, when we are
guilty, when we are ashamed, when we are
angry, angry, angry,
or depleted completely.
Even if we manage to pour into others,
it will be like bile.
It will be like bile.
So it's it's never
never
the way forward
to damage yourself in the hope of being
able to hurt to to heal someone else.
The healing has to start here.
The wholeness has to start here. The nurturing
has to start with us so that we
can
give to others, so that we can pass
that on,
so that we can change the legacies of
our families.
So
with that being said,
so I'll leave you with 3 questions inshallah.
It's like homework for you to do.
So in order for us to get out
of the negative space that we're in,
I'd like you to think about who you
can forgive today.
Okay? It could be for something small.
Some things that people have done, they need
a lot more work. You need to work
with a coach or with a therapist, etcetera.
But
who can you forgive today?
Might be yourself for something that you didn't
do or something that you did do. It
might be, you know, your mom for how
she spoke to you yesterday. It could be
your son for something that he did. Who
who in your life
could
you stand to forgive today?
To let go of some of that anger.
Let go of some of that
resentments, some of that frustration, some of that
negativity
with that person.
Have a think.
2nd,
who could you reconnect with today?
Who could you build a bond with today?
Maybe someone you haven't spoken to for a
while.
Maybe somebody who, you know, your your your
paths crossed, you haven't checked on them in
a long time.
Somebody who you owe something to. Somebody who
you've just been thinking about, but you never
reached out and told them. Who could that
be?
And no, sis, forgiveness does not mean you
have to have the person in your life
and,
you know, this is not the time to
have this conversation,
but the reality is
that if there is a person in your
life that is damaging you or has damaged
you mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
you're not you you have to create boundaries
with that person
and that's only you who can do that.
So Insha Allah, if you need to talk
more about this maybe we can continue in
the Facebook group. But right now, I just
want you to let go of something small.
Just something that is so small. It's like
why am I still holding on to this?
Seriously, I'm not talking about big things.
Thank you, sis. I forgive my husband for
not doing the dishes at lunchtime.
If you can just let go,
just let it go.
Just let it go
because all these all these things that we're
holding onto,
the grudges,
those are the things that you know. If
you had 6 months with this person, you
know, you would just forgive them a 1000
times
because this is like, come on. Like, you're
a good guy. You're a wonderful mom. You
know, you're a great kid. I don't want
you to feel like I'm always angry with
you. I'm always frustrated
with you. I'm always disappointed in you. Okay.
So 3 things to do. 1, to forgive
someone for something today.
2,
reconnect with something today
someone today.
And the third is,
what can you do today
to put yourself
in a joyful,
positive,
powerful, peaceful state?
Something you can do today,
whether it's
to write in your gratitude journal, if you
have one,
to celebrate something, celebrate a win that you've
had,
To reach out to someone and say something
nice, to get get yourself a gift, whatever
your love language is.
What can you do to get yourself into
a positive state today?
Yes. That is the list. To give someone,
reconnect with someone,
and do something to put yourself in a
joyful state today.
And then really think, guys. Yeah. Listen back
to this talk.
Listen back to this talk, reflect on it,
journal about it, and really ask yourself, you
know, do I need to make some fundamental
changes in my life?
Do I want to make some fundamental changes
in my life?
Because if you do, we're here to help
you.
There's a community of women,
coaches, healers, trainers,
so so many of us,
who would love to be part of your
journey.
So if I'm that person for you,
get in touch.
If it's any of the other speakers, get
in touch with them.
Find your tribe. Find your your your teachers,
find your mentors, find your guides, find your
tribe,
and do the work. Because one of the
things that I have seen in my work
as I've been coaching,
and I've got a lot of my students
here,
is the difference it
makes when a woman
heals
or when a woman is on a path
to healing and growth,
it is
a game changer,
not just for her, but for her whole
family and then even you would say that
the the the generations to come.
We are changing lives up in here.
Guys, don't you don't see it, but it's
happening.
We are changing
the narratives of our families. We are changing
the legacy of our families. We are changing
the trajectory of our families.
I mean that we've lived to see this
time. And I know because I know some
of you who are watching this have been
through your own healing journeys, have been through
your own show up journeys and your own,
you know, enlightening journeys. And I know how
it has affected you, and I know how
it has changed the dynamic in your families
and how you've taught your children something so
fundamental.
As a woman, as a mother, I'm worthy.
I'm worthy of investment.
I'm worthy of time. I'm worthy of love.
I'm worthy of care. I'm worthy of respect
and you are too. And because I can
give it to myself, I can give it
freely to you because remember girls, we do
not fill from our cup but from our
what?
Overflow.
Okay.
Listen ladies,
I love you.
Those of you who I've worked with and
those who I have not yet worked with,
I love you. Love you for the sake
of Allah. Thank you so much for being
here and playing full out.
Go and do your homework and watch this
talk back, reflect on it, journal on it,
share whatever nuggets you have with the people
in your circle, in your life inshaAllah.
And if there's any khair and it ends
from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. As I said,
I'm just a conduit. I'm just a messenger.
It's just not from me. It's just downloaded.
Right?
And insha'Allah, we'll see you at the next
session.
Love you for the sake of Allah.
Recordings are in the Facebook group, and the
whole list of recordings will be sent out
once the conference is over inshallah. Assalamu alaikum.