Naima B. Robert – Episode 3 Finding The Balance Can you be Strong and Gentle
AI: Summary ©
The importance of understanding and embracing expectations on Muslim women is emphasized, particularly in light of the current crisis. The speakers discuss the importance of balancing strength and weakness in men and women, learning about the past and finding inspiration in women, and the importance of faith and acceptance of the decree of Islam. The speakers emphasize the need for faith and striving for faith in the face of hardship and loss, and the importance of learning about the fortitude of Maryam alay his wife, his mother, and other Muslim women to prove their strength and courage.
AI: Summary ©
Welcome to episode 3 of Finding the Balance,
Rediscovering the Ideal Muslimah.
Now as you know, in this series, we
are asking the following questions.
Who is the Muslim woman?
What are her abiding characteristics?
And how can we live up to the
standard that has been set for us by
Allah
in today's day and age. Now it's no
doubt that our deen encourages us to evolve
and grow
spiritually,
emotionally, intellectually, physically, and socially, and all of
that for the sake of seeking Allah
pleasure.
This series is here to help you do
just that.
But before we continue with this particular episode,
I'd like to just give you this short
reminder from the Quran where Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala says,
so their Lord responded to them,
I will never deny any of you,
male or female,
the reward of your deeds.
Both are equal in reward.
Those who migrated or were expelled from their
homes and were persecuted
for my sake
and fought and some were martyred, I will
certainly forgive their sins and admit them into
gardens underneath which rivers flow
as a reward from Allah
and with Allah is the finest of rewards.
And the reason I wanted to remind you
of that is that so often
we have this perception that the expectations
that are placed upon us as Muslim women
are different to those of our brothers,
that somehow less is expected of us. But
this couldn't be further from the truth, and
that is why this series is focusing on
how
we, as Muslim women, can firstly understand
and then achieve
those high standards that have been set for
all of us as Muslims.
And how can we
embody characteristics
that are seemingly
opposite?
Well, let's find out because in this episode,
we're gonna ask the question,
can a Muslim woman be strong
and gentle
at the same time? Let's do it.
So let's kick this conversation off by talking
about strength.
Abu Hurayrah radhiallahu anhu reported that the Prophet
said, the strong believer
is more beloved to Allah than the weak
believer, but there is goodness in both of
them.
Abdullah ibn Mas'ud radiallahu anhu also reported that
the prophet, sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, said,
whom do you consider
to be a fighter amongst you? And we
said,
one whom we cannot wrestle down. But the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said to them,
no it's not so.
Rather it is one who controls himself when
angry. And the reason I wanted to bring
these 2 hadiths together is because
strength in our deen is seen in a
holistic way.
A lot of people when they hear the
word strong, they think of physical strength, they
think of muscles, they think of, you know,
all sorts of things, being able to lift
heavy weights, etcetera. But when we look at
the strength of a Muslim woman and a
Muslim,
we're looking at strength of character.
We're looking at the strength of iman.
We are looking at qualities like emotional strength
and resilience.
There is also intellectual strength that is encouraged
by the deen
and the physical strength and health that we
should all be aiming for. So
on this point of strength, I would like
you to remember, my sister, that Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala needs you and wants you to
be strong,
to be strong for yourself, to be strong
for the deen, to be strong for your
family, to be strong for those who need
you. So the the that quality of strength
is something that we should all be looking
to embody.
Now, of course,
in many of our societies, it's seen as
a masculine trait to be strong, But I
hope that I've been able to give you
a little bit of food for thought for
how that characteristic of strength
actually is something that is praiseworthy in both
men and women
in varying degrees.
But then
if Muslim women are supposed to be strong,
can we be gentle as well?
Well, Aisha
reported that the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said,
verily Allah is gentle
and he loves gentleness.
He rewards for gentleness that which is not
granted for harshness
and he does not reward anything else like
it. SubhanAllah.
We also have the hadith where the prophet
tells us, be cheerful,
not threatening, and make things easy,
not difficult.
So we can see that just as strength
is something that is encouraged, strength that is
praiseworthy
is we are encouraged to embody that, we
are also encouraged to be gentle.
Gentle in our manners
with ourselves and with the people, gentle in
our speech and the way that we talk
to people,
gentle with our loved ones, those who rely
on us, those who need us, and gentle
with the people in general.
This is something that we
very often
lack in today's society
because we are so intent on getting to
the next thing, ticking off everything on the
to do list, just getting stuff done that
we forget to be gentle and soft and
kind with the people,
even our families.
So this is something that I would like
you, sis, to take some time out and
ask yourself,
if we are to embody the characteristics
of the believing women, of the ideal Muslimer,
how can we balance these two characteristics within
ourselves? That inner strength
and that gentleness.
Because when the 2 of them are together
in a person, masha'Allah,
amazing things can happen.
And may Allah make it easy for all
of us to embody those characteristics.
But don't go away
because the sisters and I are going to
be discussing some of the amazing
stories from Islamic history in which Muslim women
displayed stunning acts of bravery and strength. Trust
me. You do not want to miss these.
And we are going to be reflecting on
the inspiration that we can take from them.
So I'll see you then.
And we are back with my lovely sisters,
Talha and sister Anissa, to talk more
about this issue of the strength of Muslim
women.
I've been talking about how to balance strength
and being gentle,
but,
again, I have to keep going back to
my source material for this series. Okay?
When I read The Ideal Muslimah
way back,
a lot of people get triggered by the
book nowadays.
But for me, what stood out for me
in that book was the stories of the
women of the past because there were stories
I'd never heard. I had never heard about
Nusayba. I had never heard about Sofia.
I did not know
that Muslim women had played such an active
role
in the propagation of Islam from its early
days. Right? And I think that there is
a perception, even amongst Muslims in general,
that there are only, like, 1, 2, 3
Muslim women that are worthy of note. Right?
But I think that it's upon us, all
of us as Muslims,
to be so much more
knowledgeable about our history
and also be prepared
to be inspired by those those women,
for us as women, especially, and for our
daughters. I think it's really important.
So I want to ask you
which women from the past
you feel inspired you, have inspired you on
your journey, and and why? Yeah.
I would say for me, the story of
Khadija radiallahu anha really resonated well,
because she was married to, you know, prophet
Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, and she, you
know, financially,
emotionally
supported him, sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
And I
guess every woman
or any woman who has similar
kind of lifestyle, they would gravitate towards such
role models.
Khadija radiAllahu Anha was married to, you know,
a prophet,
and, alhamdulillah, married to, you know, a student
of knowledge. So sometime, you know, like, say,
you know, at one episode in our life,
my husband was working as an imam. So
when he used to come home, he used
to just, you know, ask me, like, you
know, what do you think I should talk
about in terms of the khutba? So, sometime,
you know, I would find myself giving him
a certain,
suggestion, and based on my suggestion, he would
do the the the khutba. Masha'Allah. So, mashallah,
you know, so sometime, you know, when we
look at these wonderful women in the past,
there there is a woman that everyone can
relate to, you know? Yes. So for me,
it's Khali Dharadhyalakanha
because of my lifestyle, you know? And also,
like,
like, you know, she she was, you know,
trying to support
her husband behind the scene, you know? And
she was instrumental
in that, you know, propagation of Islam because
we know later on when the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam was speaking to Aisha,
and she said, you know, why do you
always think about this old woman, You know,
Allah has given you someone better. And I
said, no. Allah hasn't. Because she believed in
me when no one believed in me, you
know. And, you know, through her have, you
know, children. But one thing that we have
to note is that when when a woman
is part of your journey,
she makes you the man you are. It's
very hard to forget the the contribution of
such, you know, women, you know? So, I
think
Khadija Radilahu and her often, you know, we
like to quote her business side of things,
but we have to bear in mind most
of her contribution was in spreading the deen
Yeah. With her finance and supporting the prophet
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. Absolutely. And looking after
his household. Yeah. So much so that, you
know, when the prophet sallam went away to
the cave, you know, pre, prophecy,
she would, I mean, climb up Yes. The
mountain Mhmm. And take him his food and
drink. That takes a lot of dedication as
a wife. Sometimes if you look in modern
time, you know, when the husband comes home,
he's like, what's the food in the microwave
or in the oven? In the microwave,
a superpower. Did somebody say, just eat? I
think there's more to it. Yeah, but think
about how she really took care of her
household. And that's why we appreciate that narration
when
the prophet said to Khadija radiAllahu that Jibil
came to me and gives
your gives his salam and salam from Allah
and says that you will be given a
place where there's no noise.
You know, think about it.
Think about why no noise? Because maybe Khadija
Radi Laha, she was always around
so much, you know, like say,
so much going on Yeah. You know, that
she was constantly
just at it, you know? So to, you
know, have that, you know, glad tidings,
it says something about her life. Yeah. Her
life was, like, full on.
Full on. Supporting gay prophet, taking care of
lots of children,
you know, at a time where
Islam was, you know, received with hostility. Yeah.
You know? Yeah. This boycott that she suffered,
as a result, she passed away. Mhmm. So,
subhanAllah,
her her life really, you know, shows us
the the the role model of of being
a woman,
being a wife, being a mother. And being
strong. And being strong. You know? That is
because that's
not what we typically nowadays associate with strength.
You know? Yeah. Strength is somebody, you know,
swinging swords, etcetera, which is also strength. Yeah.
But one of the things that we discussed
earlier on in the episode was the idea
that strength doesn't just look one way. There's
different kinds of strength. Yeah.
What about you? I mean I think, you
know, I love what you the fact that
you said that, you know, in terms of
studying lots of different women. Because
as women, like you said, we are mothers,
we are wives, we are, you know, teachers.
We are really the nurturers of society, and
we have so many different roles. I was
gonna say hats, but I would say, hey,
jabs, but we have so many different roles.
And when you go through life, you know,
it's good to kind of pull a different
woman and her strengths along that way. So
it may be that you are feeling, you
know, physically weak, and then you looked in
a saber. You know, and you think, wow.
Could I, you know and I do you
know, could I pick up that sword and
could I defend the prophecy?
Nasaba for a minute because there could be
viewers who don't even know
who you're talking about. Tell us a little
bit about Nusseba Sabrina. I was so blessed
to have gone on Umrah and gone to
the position where she was a woman who
mashaAllah Tabarakah, defended the prophet.
You know, and took Physically. Physically,
and and took blows, you know, like, subhanAllah,
you know. And think about the swords. It's
not just like a little whip. Have you
tried to lift a sword? Yes. And they
are so heavy. I don't, you know. So
when you're when you're thinking about, you know,
that role, defending the prophet, sallallahu alaihi wasallam,
so that he could be,
pushed away and and and looked after in
the cave. Yeah. You know, and she took
those blows for him. Yeah. You know, and
you know, that that story is so phenomenal,
and if the viewers don't know, they should
look it up Yeah. And connect with it
more. But the physical strength that she had,
and not just physical strength, but the bravery,
the courageousness,
the That's a strong heart. That is. Physical
strength, Because you know the That's a manifestation
of what's in your heart for sure. You
know you're gonna die there, but you have
that trust in Allah as it SubhanAllah. SubhanAllah.
You know that it makes me think of
the story of, Sumayyah.
You know, Radialahu Anha, the first martyr in
Islam. And again, if the viewers haven't heard,
then definitely somebody to look up. But, you
know, it's mentioned in the sources that, obviously,
she was tortured
horrifically,
her and her son on the the hot,
you know, the hot sand, you know, being
being really tortured in a way that we
don't really want to describe on TV.
You know, and
never
taking it back. The la ilaha illallah, the
shahada.
Refusing
to take it back. And actually it says
in the sources that, you know, they were
allowed to take it back. They were allowed
to lie but there are no records of
her or any other women
basically taking back their shahada, that they stood
firm with that. So, subhanAllah, like you said,
it's that that physical strength, obviously. But the
physical strength is coming from a strong heart,
from a strong imans,
Definitely. And even, like, when we go back
to Khadija,
she stood by her husband because she saw
that to be truth, and she was the
first woman to believe in that truth. And
whatever
came in that package of truth, she was
willing to, you know, take it and sacrifice
and just, you know, hold on strong. SubhanAllah.
Can you imagine, you know, going through the,
you know, year of boycott and, you know,
not having much provision,
you know? SubhanAllah, how it must have been,
but still And after living the life that
she lived before Exactly. That's another thing as
well. Like, after living the life that she
lived before Mhmm. And enjoying the wealth, enjoying
the high status, enjoying, you know, the sense
of belonging and the privilege that comes with
being of Quraysh, etcetera,
and and then this being your reality. A
lot of us, how many of us, if
we're honest, how many of us would be
okay with that? Yeah. Yeah. You know? Well
well, I actually personally draw my strength from
Hajjah, may Allah be pleased with her. May
Allah be pleased with her. Because I think,
you know, out of all the women in
terms of strength, I mean, to be left
in the middle of the desert,
with her baby, and her husband walking away,
and him not even been able to tell
her what's going on. Yeah. And, you know,
yes, subhanAllah. You know, literally without no people,
with a new baby, baby, and just little
provisions, and then those provisions running out. And
the fact that she didn't just sit down
and just, you know, and and pity, and
cry herself. There's no reports of her
doing any of that. No. You know? Crying,
sitting down Yeah. You know, tearing her hair
out.
She was action. Action. Action. And it sorry.
Can I just say to jump in? Because
if you've done sa'i Yes. You know the
difference between you know the distance between Safa
and Marwa. Yes. It's it's not around the
corner. Yes. It's on the other end. Yeah.
And she did that 7 times. Yes. Who
knows what she was looking for? What she
thought she was going to find doing that
journey's follow-up? And the fact that, you know,
from that, you know, our Hajj,
our pilgrimage comes from her
walk, and then the blessed Zamzamal, I mean
we can talk about that whole experience, but
as a woman,
her strength,
Yeah. SubhanAllah.
And proactivity as well, because she wasn't just
thinking, okay, this is it, you know? Yeah.
But she got up and took the matters
into her own hand by the will of
Allah. And not
once. Seven times. So it's not like, oh,
you you tried once and then you tried.
She didn't find anything and she came back
and she was like, okay. That's it. Oh.
Yeah. Seven times. But one thing also highlights
is that, you know, you know, when she
said to Ibrahim alayhis salam that, you know,
is this a command from Allah? And then
Yeah. He obviously kept quiet, and then she
said, then Allah's not going to abandon us.
Yes. And subhanAllah, I was thinking as a
mother with a baby,
you know, when you leave your baby unattended,
you feel a bit of anxiety. Yeah. There
was no one to
look after the baby, but irrespective of that,
she still left the baby
unattended
Mhmm. In a foreign barren land, and she
was going up and down. And, subhanAllah,
that shows us that her level of tawakkul
was very strong because she knew that, okay,
this is a command of Allah. Allah is
not gonna, you know, abandon me. Yes. I
just need to do what I need to
do. Yes. And that's the thing, you know,
if we all did what we are supposed
to do, like meaning
take
action, not inaction,
then you will see how Allah will
open the doors, you know? And starting off
with duas first. Yeah. And having, you know,
so you have your intention, but you make
your duas. You know, you have that certainty,
like you said, that tuakl, that Allah is
going to do something, but you don't just
sit there. Like you said, you do something
about it. Yeah. And then it's sabr, isn't
it? Yeah. It's having that sabr.
And I think all all the women when
when we look into their lives, one thing
that it really jumps out is their their
level of, faith and how they accepted
the decree that Allah, you know, gave. It's
like the package of faith. Right? Yeah. It's
this is what and I think and I
think
that when you see the women from the
past, you can you can see that they
understood
the deal on the table.
If you accept this,
this is what it comes with. Yeah. Right?
The hardship, the boycotting, the challenges, you know,
the difficulty, the loss.
How many women do we know whose husbands
did not embrace Islam Yeah. And then they
had to, you know, to be separated from
them. You know, people whose children didn't accept
Islam. You know, people who made Hajjrah leaving,
entire families, entire, you know, you know, families,
wealth, name, status, everything
for the sake of this truth. SubhanAllah. And
I just can't help thinking that we as
Muslims, we've lost that. We've lost that understanding
that
will you be left to say, do we
think that we will be left to say
that we believe and not be tested?
As Allah SWT says, verily we tested those
who were before you. And those women understood
that. They got it. And also,
you know, the same Surah when Allah questions
that right towards the end, you know, in
Surah An Kabut,
Allah says,
That those who strive towards our path with
their faith, you know, we will give them
a you know, we will guide them upon
that path. And then Allah says, you know,
and we are
with those who are doing the good deeds,
the doers of good deeds. You know? So
here here's the thing. You know? If you
submit to Allah, if you have faith, and
you you strive
with whatever you have in your, like, you
know, it's a means. You strive, like, Hajar
alaihis salamu Khadija, radeelaha, nus saba, radeelaha.
You strive as long as that mujahada is
there, Allah sees that everyone's level of mujahada
is different. Yeah. Some have to strive with
their swords. Some have to strive with their
patience. Some have to strive with their tawakkul.
Yeah. Whatever that striving is. Yeah. So as
long as you do that, then know that
Allah,
he will guide you upon that path of
faith. And then Allah, he says,
Allah is with those who are doing the
good. You know?
If you have the companionship, Allah
then what do we have to worry? Yeah.
But we have to do our part, and
that is the striving. Like, Hajar alaihi wa
sallam Khadija radi Allahu wa nah nus sabah.
Yep. Yep. There's no examples of people any
people from the past
who, you know, accepted faith,
went through trials, and just sat with it.
Yeah. Exactly. Even though sometimes we have this
idea that, you know, patience is sitting with
it, patience is being quiet,
patience is just accepting, you know, whatever is
coming your way.
I like the way that you juxtapose,
you know, the patience with the tawakkul and
the action. Yes. Right? Yeah. Patience doesn't mean
inaction.
Yes. Patience means that you are, you know,
being, like, you know,
what's that word? You're waiting
for things to unfold, but in that period
of waiting,
you're doing your bit as well. Yes. You
know, that's what patience is, you know. That
you're not complaining, but rather you are going
with emotion,
and you are going to see what's going
to come your way, but you will do
your bit. I love that. And, subhanAllah, to
see that strength,
there's different types of strengths
embodied in all these different
figures from our past as Muslim women.
So inspiring
episode so far? We hope that you are
inspired to find out more about the women
from Islam's glorious past. Please do share your
takeaways on social media and make sure that
you tag Iman Channel and me, Naimo b
Robert.
For now, it's time to go to my
parting thoughts.
Let's do it.
This is a reminder to you, my sister.
As believing women, we are strong.
We are brave,
we are resourceful,
daring and will give our lives for the
ones we love.
And we always have done.
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala fashioned us that way.
Our strength, whether it was in the fields,
by the fire, on the birthing stool or
even in the battlefield,
was used to nurture,
preserve and protect life.
Our innate strength is a force that scales
mountains,
crosses deserts, faces starvation,
all for the sake of a hungry child
at the doors of death.
Now if in some cultures women are thought
of as weak, it is a result of
our cultural conditioning,
not a reflection of our potential or our
nature.
Learning about the fortitude of Maryam alayhis salam
is proof of that.
Faraun's wife, Asiya,
Musa's mother, Hajar, these are all proof of
that.
Khadija, Aisha, Asma, Salama, and the countless other
Muslim women, may Allah be pleased with them,
are all proof of that.
The mothers,
the resistors,
the survivors
in Palestine, Afghanistan,
Syria are all proof of that.
And we are proof of that.
Every one of you right now is showing
up with strength and courage, every day, every
hour, every minute,
and yet by the grace of Allah we
are unbroken.
Still we smile,
still we love,
still we give,
even when it appears that we have nothing
left to give.
This is a part of the gift of
being a woman,
a believing woman.
May Allah Subhana Wa Ta'la bless us with
humility,
confidence, and strength
so that we may follow in the footsteps
of the righteous who came before us,
fulfill the roles He has given us, and
be an example to those who come after
us. Amin.
I'll see you in the next episode, Insha'Allah.