Naima B. Robert – Advice for Muslim Women on Desire, Sex and Intimacy Issues @amirahzaky TMC E.9
AI: Summary ©
The importance of educating men and women on their natural and sexual preferences is emphasized, as it is crucial for managing desire for sex. Precautions are taken to prevent painful experiences and prioritize pleasure, with a focus on scheduling sex and finding it pleasurable for both men and women. A natural development for men to be receptive to love is emphasized, with resources available for women to email for help and resources shared on YouTube. A focus is placed on preventing divorce within the Muslim community, but also helping women overcome struggles with sex.
AI: Summary ©
Welcome
to another marriage conversation.
And,
Ameera, zaki, assalamu alaikum.
I thank you so much for having me.
It's absolutely wonderful to connect with you again.
Masha'Allah. We've been privileged to share space many
times. Alhamdulillah.
And, you know, it's it's wonderful for me
to see
you continue to grow in the work that
you do.
And in case there's anyone here who does
not know the work that you do, will
you give them the elevator pitch as to
who Amira Zaki is, and what is it
that she does, and who does she help?
So I call myself a * educator, but
I never envisaged growing up that this is
the work that I would be doing. But
I'm grateful that I get to
I get to do this work alhamdulillah. And
it all started from my own personal experience
of going through a condition called vaginismus, which
we will be talking about in today's,
in today's discussion inshallah, what vaginismus is. And
essentially, it started out with me going through
the condition and then overcoming this difficult condition
and then helping other women to overcome it.
And so I started out really being a
vaginismus coach helping women to overcome this difficult
situation.
And from that really seeing that
the cause of vaginismus is such that there's
a lack of education with regards to *.
And so I kind of broadened my role
and decided that actually I need to
educate people properly about * within an Islamic
framework.
So I I kind of see that I
have 2 main roles, * educator and Fajunism
as coach.
Amazing. I love it. And, subhanAllah, just as
you're saying,
before we jumped on this, I put a
post up, didn't I, on Instagram
just to ask people questions. You know, I'm
gonna be speaking to an expert. Do you
have any questions about, you know, your first
night, your first time?
Tons of responses.
Tons and tons of questions. And, really, as
you say,
it points
to a lack of knowledge that we there's
this big gap in our knowledge
within the Muslim community about
*.
So
I guess my big question to you to
kick us off today is,
what are we not telling
What are we not teaching
our
girls initially? We can also talk about boys.
But what are we not teaching our girls
about *?
The main thing I feel is that we're
not teaching
girls,
Muslim girls especially,
that Allah created * for them to enjoy.
There is a certain prescription
around *. Yes, like Allah has given us
certain things that we should follow certain things
we should abstain from with regards to *,
definitely.
But unfortunately, what we're kind of seeing mostly
in the Muslim community
is that
* is this act that you only do
when you're married, which is correct, but it's
only for a man's pleasure.
And it's not something that a woman or
a girl is meant to enjoy. And I'm
here to say that actually, that is not
what true Islam is telling us and teaching
us
authentically and traditionally within Islam.
* Islam is a very * positive religion.
Yes, there are boundaries less there are certain
rights responsibilities. Yes, there are certain guidelines that
we're meant to follow. But essentially, it is
a positive religion when it comes to *.
And
* was created
for girls for women to enjoy, you know,
at the right age, when they're mentally and
physically ready. Obviously, it was created for male
pleasure too. But I really want girls
to have that foundation of
whenever they are of age and they are
ready to be married and they get to
enjoy this act of *, that Allah
created it for their pleasure.
And in order to experience that pleasure, there
does need to be education involved.
There does need to be debunking of any
myths. There does need to be
helping
a girl to understand any fears that she
has or any questions that she has I'm
really teaching her about * and about her
body,
in a way that isn't shameful, in a
way that doesn't kind of shut shut down
her innate curiosity with regards to *? Because
I think the majority of people on this
planet at some point in their life start
to think about *. It's kind of within
our fitra to start thinking about * and
our sexuality and about how Allah created our
body. And we see it all around us,
like especially if you live in the West.
We are in this kind of hypersexualized society.
Whenever you turn on the TV or, you
know, go on the Internet, there are gonna
be images and things that you see. And
I want
Muslim girls to understand that, you know, that
is what the media wants you to learn
about *. But there is a much better
way of learning about * one that was
created
specifically
for you.
And it can be an enjoyable
experience to educate yourself
about this one aspect of your life.
The Internet dropped. Oh my goodness. No worries.
That's okay. I'm not sure where I got
up here.
Okay. Let me pull
So when a girl's
ready to be married, I really want a
girl before she reaches
before she reaches marriage, I want her to
feel ready for whenever she does have first
time * in that marriage. I don't want
her to be going into that marriage,
dreading her kind of so called wedding night
or dreading her first time experience.
Because what we are still seeing in this
day and age is that there are a
lot of stories about first time *, specifically
with regards to pain. If you are a
woman, that first time * is meant to
be painful. And I'm a strong believer that
it's not it's not meant to be painful.
If you have the right education
about your body, it is very much possible
for for a female to experience pain free
first time *. And that is what I
am a big advocate for is really educating
a girl to be mentally and physically ready
for that first time.
Because what we are seeing in the Muslim
community is that
if a Muslim is able to wait until
they're married to have *, which is a
difficult thing to do. But if they are
able to do it and may Allah help
them to do that, if they are able
to do it, typically what we're seeing is
that
men
are looking forward to their first time,
whereas women are kind of feeling the opposite.
They're kind of dreading their wedding night or
dreading first time *. And it's unfortunate because
of it's those stories and those narratives that
we are still teaching our girls that it's
meant to be painful. It's just supposed to
hurt.
Whereas actually, that's not true.
I want girls to be feeling the same
way as men I want. I want women
to be feeling the same way as men
for their 1st night, I want them to
be thinking, I can't wait to get married.
I can't wait to enjoy this experience with
my new husband. I want them to be
looking forward to it. And that comes from
the right education.
And education, I believe,
is so important to help us with overcoming
those fears that we may have with regards
to *.
Yeah.
Yeah. This is great, guys.
Comment below
what your thoughts are on this, because
it is something that, obviously,
if you look at it, it makes sense.
Obviously, you know, we're all grown. We know
that's Allah
created *. It's pleasurable.
It it's there's barakah in it. You know,
it's ibadah. All of these amazing things.
But it's almost like
we can't get to grips with that in
the real world context in a halal way.
You know, we're all used to
* as a kind of
smutty thing and, like, you know, like, a
bit dirty Mhmm. But not so much as
you're saying in this really kind of wholesome
way. Because if a girl did say, I
am so looking forward to my wedding night,
you know, people will be looking at her
like, giving her the side eye and say,
especially if she's a virgin. But Yeah. As
you say, it is an issue of of,
of education,
and perspective. And it's interesting that you mentioned
fear because I'm just reading through these questions.
Listen to these questions about the first night.
So how should the wife prepare for her
first time?
I have lots of questions to ask.
How to start, who should make the first
move, and how how to react if the
first move makes me uncomfortable.
Is intimacy on that night expected?
What tips would you give on how to
discuss intimacy with him? Is it okay healthy
to have * on the 1st night or
should I wait? Does it have to be
on the wedding night? Does this have any
Islamic value?
I'm I'm hearing some fear coming through. I'm
hearing some hesitancy.
What should we
what should we be preparing for on our
1st night anyway?
So it's so interesting because what we are
still seeing in the Muslim community is that
most parents are raising their children,
with this narrative perhaps of
we don't talk about * in this house.
* is bad, * is shameful,
and don't have * until you're married.
And then there is at the same time
this expectation that when you are married, you're
expected to have lots of *. Or, you
know, if you're a girl, you're kind of
expected to give * to your husband as
if * is something to give. But that's
still the narrative. And so I find it
really interesting
when you ponder upon that that,
you know, you're not you're not meant to
talk about *, you're not meant to learn
about *. And then when you're married, you're
meant to know everything. To know everything. Exactly.
You're meant to drop everything and then have
* immediately on that wedding line. So
a lot of those questions were, is intimacy
expected?
In short, the answer is yes as expected.
But really that isn't the right question. The
question should be Islamically, what does it say
about are we kind of meant to have
* on that first night? And the answer
is no, you don't have to have *
on that first night on the actual night
of your wedding. You can if you want
to and if you feel mentally and physically
ready, again, that will come from having the
right education beforehand.
But if you are newly married and you
kind of perhaps got to know your spouse
in that kind of traditional way,
you probably won't feel mentally and physically ready
on that actual night. You might want to
continue getting to know your new spouse,
before you feel mentally and physically ready to
have first time * with him or her.
So
in terms of
*, it doesn't need to be on the
actual wedding night. It can be a few
days later, a few weeks later. It could
even be a few months later. There is
nothing in Islam. There is nothing in, you
know, the Quran or the authentic sunnah or
hadith that stipulates that it must happen by
a certain day or a certain time. There
is no time limit for consummation of the
marriage. The marriage is still valid and it
really is very dependent
on the couple.
So some couples might be ready immediately and
some will need more time and none of
the like, there is no right or wrong
there. It really is. If you stop, stop
and think about the act of * is
a two way thing.
So it doesn't make sense for just one
person to be ready because
it's going to involve another person. You're not
going to have * on your own. So
it doesn't matter if you're ready on your
own. It needs to be that the other
person is ready too.
And really see * as kind of like
teamwork between you and your spouse. If you're
ready, but your spouse isn't. So let's say,
for example, the man in this context happens
to be ready mentally and physically and really
wants to have first time * with his
new wife. But the wife in this context
isn't ready. She doesn't feel mentally ready or
physically ready.
The husband should be thinking, what can I
do to
bring up my wife to my level? I'm
physically ready, mentally ready. How can I help
her? What fears does she have? What does
she want to talk about, to help prepare
her? What can I do to really support
her and bring her there? Because it is
teamwork like marriage is marriage is teamwork. And
so this one part of your marriage *
is going to need to involve teamwork to
help both of you be on the same
page and sharper.
Sounds like what you're saying is that this
education that we need is not just for
girls. This is for for guys as well.
Absolutely.
Absolutely. So if that I'm thinking the more
that a young man understands
about what we're talking about, you know, what
what the role of * is, you know,
you know, what * means for a woman,
you know, woman's pleasure, etcetera, etcetera.
I'm wondering whether that will equip him to
even have this conversation because I'm just because
I'm just imagining a scenario where a boy
doesn't know anything about what we're talking about
Mhmm. And his wife is scared.
He wouldn't even have the vocabulary, you know.
He wouldn't even have
the ability to have a conversation with her
about it. I think he would just probably
feel very sort of frustrated and rejected and
and not understand, well, why doesn't she want
me? Do you know what I mean?
Education.
I feel like,
when you asked me what do girls need
to know, I forgot to say that really
girls need to educate themselves about their bodies
and about * and about the desire for
* and how to manage their desire for
*. If you know that they've made the
decision that I want to follow Allah's prescription
for * and I want to wait until
I'm married to have * for the first
time. How do I manage my natural desire
for * that I may have before I'm
married? How do I manage that in a
healthy hollow way? That also applies to boys
as well and to men as well, that
they need to educate themselves about their own
bodies. They need to educate themselves about how
to manage their desire for * before they're
married. And they also need to educate themselves
about the experience of the opposite * of
their future wife. So you don't just need
to learn about things, from the lens of
your own gender. You can also learn about
things from the opposite gender, too. And that
also applies to girls. Girls can need to
understand
the male sexual anatomy, the male sexual response
or desire for *,
and know that there are different types of
desire and this applies to males and females.
The the two main types of desire, they're
known as spontaneous desire and responsive desire. Most
people are familiar with spontaneous desire. They may
not know it has that term, but I'll
briefly explain what it is. Spontaneous desire typically
happens when you have that kind of feeling
of initial attraction perhaps towards someone or maybe
something you see an image you see and
you feel a desire. You maybe feel a
physical response within your body and you know
that you are perhaps sexually turned on or
sexually aroused. And you desire to be intimate
sexually with someone that is spontaneous as I
kind of happens immediately spontaneously.
The other type of desire is known as
responsive desire
where it's very dependent
on the context the person is in. Both
types of desire spontaneous and responsive can apply
to men and women.
With responsive desire, it's not from an initial
spark or initial attraction to someone. It's someone
feeling safe, feeling comfortable, feeling relaxed,
having the right environment physically around them, but
also being in the right mental and emotional
environment. When all those things are in place,
they then respond positively to those different stimuli,
and then they start to feel sexually aroused
and desire *.
So,
both girls and boys need to know that
because typically what we're noticing is that
females tend to experience more responsive desire and
men tend to experience more spontaneous desire. But
it is possible for women to have spontaneous
and it is possible for for men to
experience responsive. So it is definitely
fluid and dynamic. But I feel like if
boys especially and men especially understand that that
oh, my future wife
may experience more responsive desire. She may not
have the same desire where, you know, when
I look at my wife, I'm instantly attracted
and want to have * on the spot.
She may not feel that way.
And if she does experience more responsive desire,
what can I do as the husband to
give her the right stimuli, the right environment,
physically the right environment, mentally, emotionally
to help her become sexually turned on? So
that is definitely really important.
And * education is gender neutral. We need
to be teaching our boys about it, our
young men about it, just like we need
to be teaching our girls and young women
about it.
Amazing.
So
we've talked about the kind of, you know,
maybe jitters, wedding night nerves, you know, just
just
the shyness, those types of things that could
potentially lead, someone to to not feel ready,
on their at their from their first time.
But some couples really struggle,
on their first time. Don't they? It's not
so much that they don't want to. It's
that they can't. Mhmm. Talk to us a
little bit about that that situation.
Yeah. So this situation that you're describing is
a lot more common than people
imagine.
I'll give you a kind of story from
my own personal experience.
I, as I mentioned, I went through something
called vaginismus, which I'll talk about in a
moment. But I basically wasn't able to consummate
my marriage or have * for the first
time on my wedding night. So I was
kind of raised to I waited until I
got married with Hamzalah to try and experience
first time * with my new husband.
And on that wedding night,
we tried to have * and it was
very difficult and very painful.
And actually, in the lead up to my
wedding night, I remember so before I was
married, I remember thinking, Oh my God, in
a few months time I'm going to be
married.
And, I remember hearing stories when I was
a teenager
that first time * for a girl or
first time * for a woman is going
to be really painful. There may even be
blood involved.
And so I naturally started to feel really
nervous and worried and scared actually for first
time *, worried that, oh my God, I'm
going to have to go through pain. The
majority of humans never want to experience pain
and I felt really scared.
So here I was newly married, trying to
have * for the first time. And it
was exactly like those stories have told me.
It was really painful.
So much so that, and I'm gonna use
words that we need to become more comfortable
with. I'm gonna use words like penis and
* so much so that my husband's penis
wasn't able to go inside my * because
of how painful it was. And at first
I didn't understand why I didn't know what
was going on in my body.
And I kind of just thought, okay, everyone
warned me about this. Everyone told me that
it's kind of meant to hurt. And so
I accepted it. And then
because it was so painful, I said to
my husband, look, we can't go any further,
let's stop. And my husband was understanding. He
kind of put it down to the first
time nerves and we did stop and we
said, we'll try again another day.
So we waited a little while and we
tried again and the same thing happened. But
this time it felt so much worse because
my brain was remembering that first experience of
pain. And so
I didn't notice, but my whole body was
tensing up. My legs started to shake. And
when we did try again, the same thing
happened. We weren't able to have * again.
And this continued for weeks months
and it started to put a really big
strain on our marriage.
And again, we were clueless. We didn't know
why this was happening. We didn't know how
to help ourselves. My husband didn't really understand
what was going on.
It continued to put that strain on our
marriage emotionally and mentally and even spiritually.
And
it kind of a year went by and
my husband and I ended up having a
conversation
where he essentially said to me, look, Amira,
I don't really know how to help you.
I don't know how to help you overcome
your fear. I don't know how
to make it less pain.
I don't know how to make it less
painful for you, but I don't know how
long we're going to continue living like this.
And if we live like this for many
more months and many years, we're probably going
to end up getting divorced from this.
And he didn't say it in a threatening
way. He just kind of said it in
this realistic way where he was doing everything
he caught, he did. He was supporting me.
He was being patient, but he literally didn't
know what else to do.
And so after that, I had to make
the decision myself that
I need to find a way to treat
myself. I need to find a way to
overcome this.
And I felt too embarrassed and ashamed to
go and, you know, seek medical help.
And the reason for that is I knew
that if I went to see my doctor,
they may want to kind of check me
physically down there. And I felt too scared
about that. So I was like, okay, let
me go on the internet. Let me try
and treat myself.
And so I started searching online for solutions
to painful *. And through that research, I
came across the term vaginismus.
When I read about what vaginismus was,
it was like a light bulb moment. I
felt this huge sense of relief that, oh
my God, finally, I'm I understand what I'm
going through now that there's a medical term
for this condition I'm going through. And it
immediately made me feel less alone because up
until that point, I felt like I was
abnormal. I felt like I was the only
woman who can't have * on this planet.
That's how I felt. And
I read about vaginismus and I, and essentially
let me talk about what it is now.
Vaginismus
is a condition in which a woman's pelvic
floor muscles.
So the pelvic floor muscles are the muscles
that surround your *.
So in vaginismus,
the pelvic floor muscles
contract
automatically
in voluntarily.
And when those pelvic floor muscles contract,
it makes the * really narrow.
I didn't know that that was happening to
me until I read about vaginismus.
And you can imagine if the * is
becoming narrow
now, if something's trying to go in such
as during penetrative *, it's gonna be painful
and difficult. There's gonna be that friction due
to the narrowing of the *
from those pelvic floor muscles contracting.
So this is what was happening to me.
I was experiencing vaginismus and it felt good
to know that it had a name to
it.
And then I started thinking, okay, this is
what I'm going through.
Surely there must be a way to treat
it. There must be a way to overcome
it. And that really came from
starting the journey of educating myself about *.
I didn't realize that was like what, that
was what I was doing, but that's really
where my journey
towards * education for myself started is I
had to educate myself about my own body,
about my female sexual anatomy. I had to
educate myself about
how do I now get these muscles to
relax if the issue is that they're contracting
on their own. How do I consciously
get them to be relaxed so that my
* is nice and wide and open for
pain free penetration?
And so I took that journey. I eventually
was able to overcome it. I was eventually
able to have
pain free * with my husband truly for
the first time.
So I'm saying that because how long after
was that? How long after? Subhanallah, it literally
took me about
4 or 5 weeks to overcome it, which
is a short amount of time. For most
women, it takes a bit longer. But for
me, it was like it just was like
that. I don't know how to describe it.
It was like the initial education.
So actually I say 4 or 5 weeks,
but maybe it was longer actually. It was
4 or 5 weeks once I bought myself
a set of tools. They're known as dilators.
They're essentially like tampons, but they come from,
like, really small sizes, and then they kind
of gradually increase. It was from the moment
I ordered those dilators and received the dilators
and started using them. From then, it's when
it took me 4 to 5 weeks.
But How long after your marriage was that?
So how many That was more than a
year later. More than a year. So at
least a year and a half after my
marriage.
So
I was then I treated myself,
and that treatment wasn't just physical treatment using
the dilators. That was one part of it.
But it was also,
you know, I didn't realize I was doing
this, but I was also,
healing myself mentally from those fears and those
myths that I believed about *.
And
I was then able to finally have
true first time *
in a completely pain free way. And why
I say true first time is because
the previous times when I tried to have
first time * when they were painful,
I don't see it as
my true first time. I saw it as
kind of like
something that I wasn't meant to experience. I
wasn't meant to experience painful first time *,
but I did And it was painful because
of the lack of education.
And so once I had the right education
and I treated myself and my husband's penis
was finally able to fully go in my
*.
And I saw for myself, wow, there is
no pain. I take that as my true
first time. And that is what I want
for every single woman
is to, if they're not married, to go
into a marriage with the right education about
her body, knowing how to relax her pelvic
floor muscles
and experience
true pain free first time *.
And,
when I eventually told my family about it,
and so I didn't tell them initially, I
told them many years later,
I told my siblings initially before my parents
when I told them,
and I remember I was, I was telling
them because it was one of my younger
sisters, she was about to be married.
And for some reason, one of them asked
me, what was your first time like? And
I said to one of my siblings,
I couldn't have * on my wedding night.
And they were shocked. They were like, what?
Like, what do you mean you couldn't have
*? And I was like, it was I
didn't have no idea.
No, exactly. I said,
look, it just, it couldn't happen. It was
too painful. And I went through this condition
called vaginismus and I explained it to them
and they were surprised. And actually they were
shocked. They were like, why didn't you tell
us? We would have, you know, helped you,
all of that kind of stuff. I would
have been shocked too. Yeah. Exactly. Laugh of
not of not nothing, just pretending like everything
is yep. Everything's fine. Everything's normal. Yeah. Your
mom never asked you. Your aunties never asked
you after the fact. How was it? Are
you okay or anything like that? No. They
didn't. Yeah. No. They didn't. And I and
I don't blame them for that. My mom
was raised you know, she grew up in
Thailand and, you know, I suppose even in
Thailand, she wasn't raised Muslim, but she is
now.
Even in Thailand, I think it's a topic
that you discuss, you know, talking about *.
And the same with my dad. He grew
up in Egypt. You know, he never spoke
to me about *. I'm not gonna ask
you. That's a that's a good one.
Exactly. So no, neither of my parents or
family members or anyone asked me initially. I
think they just assumed
that it would all be fine. They I
think they just assumed that
I was no longer a virgin. I think
that was the assumption that they made, but
they didn't ask me how it was.
But yeah, no, alhamdulillah. And so I think
what the point I was trying to make
through sharing this whole story is that
there is this there is so much expectation
on Muslim couples to do it on their
1st night, to have * for the first
time on that night. And of course you
can. It's now halal for you to have
*,
but only do it. Only have
only
only engage in your first sexual experience with
your new spouse.
If both of you are ready mentally, emotionally,
spiritually, physically,
And if 1 or both of you are
not, work together, you're now in this marriage,
you're now a team, work together
to raise each other up, to get to
that same point where you're both on the
same page, because that is going to be
a much more
pleasant,
pleasurable,
enjoyable,
intimate experience.
When you do engage in it, it will
be so much more worth it, inshallah,
rather than going through the frustration
and disappointment of your first time because of
the lack of education and the lack of
teamwork
is bringing each other to the same page.
But on that note, what I do want
to say is
I feel like * is a skill.
And
initially your first few times when you have
*, it may not be what you imagine.
It may not feel the way you expect.
You may not experience
this amazing kind of mind blowing pleasure. You
may not experience * and all of that
is normal. It's going to require you to
take time to, you know, tune into your
body, know what works for your body, work
together with your spouse,
play with each other, have fun with each
other's bodies. You now get to be intimate
in this way,
that you can't be intimate that way with
anyone else. So just take your time with
it. It doesn't have to be perfect.
* is not a performance.
* is really this experience and it really
is a spiritual experience now that you're married
because
when you are engaging in sexual intimacy with
your spouse,
you are being rewarded for it. Even if
you know, the act of * doesn't happen.
If you are being sexual with some with
your spouse, you are being rewarded for that.
If you are thinking about how can I
give, how can I make this more pleasurable
for my spouse? How can I also,
how can I also receive pleasure and being
willing to receive pleasure? And I think this
applies a lot more to women than men,
but it can be both ways
is seeing * as this act between 2
people, but also seeing *
as a giving and receiving, which I think
is the essence of marriage is being able
to give
as much as receive, and that definitely applies
to to to *. Alhamdulillah.
I remember,
last time we had a conference, and I
if I remember correctly, it was it was
in that talk that you talked about
a woman's
responsibility
in that sexual relationship
to understand herself
and understand
I remember you were talking about, you know,
understanding
what gets you to that place and taking
responsibility for that. Do you wanna just talk
a little bit about that?
Yeah. So I was saying that I I
really believe that it's a woman's responsibility
to prioritize her *.
But actually more than that, it's really prioritized
pleasure.
I think a lot of Muslim women have
been raised to believe that
* isn't something that was created for them.
It was created for
a man's * or
male pleasure.
And it's not necessary for you as the
woman to experience pleasure and it doesn't matter
if you as the woman don't experience *.
None of that comes from Islam.
Islam
teaches us that Allah created * for both
male and female pleasure. If you dive into
authentic sources, dive into what the Quran and
the sunnah and the Hadith say about pleasure,
it's really that pleasure was created for both
the man and the woman. And so
when you understand that as a woman, it's
important to prioritize that. And
remember that Allah created * for your pleasure
as a woman. And so if Allah created
* for your pleasure as a woman, you
need to go and seek it. You need
to go and seek it out.
So I remember
when you delivered a talk and you were
talking about a woman's responsibility
for
her own kind of her own sexual state
and her part in that sexual relationship,
and how, you know, her being aware of
what turns her on,
of what gets her to that place, what
gets her in the mood
allows it actually empowers her
to feel sexual
without the need for, for example, her husband
to necessarily
perform x, y, and zed. Mhmm. And I
remember, you know, I I firstly, for me,
it really it kind of made so much
sense because so many of us as women
obviously, we complain about not being in the
mood. Right?
And, like, it's like he always wants it,
but it's I'm not in the mood
because it's all up here. And when you
said
taking responsibility
for your own part that you play in
that dance, it made so much sense to
me. And I think if if more women
understood what that means and were able to
kind of leverage their ability
to get themselves to that place, I think
maybe would avoid a lot of the kind
of mismatch in sexual desire between men and
women. But just explain what you meant by
that sort of a woman taking responsibility for
her own kind of her the the role
she plays in the sexual relationship.
Yeah. So what we're seeing obviously is that
most,
most men, regardless of religion really, most men
have kind of been programmed that * was
created for them and their pleasure.
If you're programmed that way, it's a belief
that you have. So imagine that you're a
man and you're programmed that when you have
*, it's meant to be pleasurable for you.
You're meant to * an * and it's
meant to feel really good. And so men
believe that, oh, wow, * was created for
me. I meant to experience pleasure. I meant
to * and it's meant to feel really
good. So they great. Yeah. So they they
they go into some men go into a
sexual experience with their wives
expecting it to feel good and they will
do
whatever they need to do with their wife,
whatever stimulation they need to receive from their
wife.
They will
they will expect it, but not necessarily demand
it. You know, most husbands are good. They
won't demand it, but they will have that
expectation
and they usually
will communicate with their wife before or during,
or, you know, move their body in a
certain way to bring themselves to pleasure and
lead them to *
because they have the belief.
Women, on the other hand, girls on the
other hand, have not been taught that have
not been taught that * was created for
them, that * is meant to be pleasurable
for you,
and that you're meant to *.
But what's important for women is to start
believing that * was created by Allah for
your pleasure. So start programming yourself just like
men were programmed by society.
Society did the opposite to females but we
need to,
we need to debunk that
and go back to the true source and
say, okay, Allah
created * for me. And if you want
the evidence, go and do your research. There
is evidence in the Quran and the sunnah.
The fact that the prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi
wasallam enjoyed sexual pleasure with his wives, but
equally
his wives
experienced pleasure
with their husband the prophet Muhammad SAWSAWN.
So you as a woman need to emulate
that. We are, you know, or as
as Muslims, we are all trying to emulate
the prophet. And it's not just the fact
that he was a man and thinking, yes,
he was meant to experience pleasure, but his
wives also experienced pleasure. So we as women
need to be emulating that they are our
role models.
So
start with the belief that Allah created *
for me. If I'm a woman, I need
to believe Allah created * for me. Allah
created * for me to experience pleasure. Allah
created * for me to experience * if
I'm able to. When you start with that,
you then will start thinking, okay, what is
it that I need to know? What does
it need to know about my body or
any kind of bits of education with regards
to *? What is it that will help
me experience that pleasure that Allah created for
me? It is very much possible. You need
to believe that it can be your reality
to experience pleasure. But there may be certain
things that you don't know about your body.
So go on that journey of educating yourself
about your body and being willing to experiment
with your husband with regards to finding what
works for you and your unique self and
unique body.
And in terms of prioritising pleasure, I really
believe that if more women
prioritise pleasure, prioritise their * in the context
of * with their husband,
they will enjoy * more. They will not
see * as a chore because * is
not meant to be a chore. They will
finally experience amazing, an amazing * life with
their husband and they will naturally start to
desire it more. Just like if you
eat a really delicious cake,
you will desire that cake more. You will
crave that cake more. The same applies to
*. If you experience really pleasurable * with
your spouse, you will naturally want to experience
that more and more. So prioritize your *,
prioritize pleasure. And I really feel like it
will make such a difference to your marriage
because
*
is a big part of marriage. Your sexuality
is a big part of marriage. Obviously, it's
not the only thing, but it is a
big thing. And I find that when there
are issues sexually within the marriage, it can
usually have
negative knock on effects to other areas of
your marriage. And so really
like not kind of I think a lot
of women tend to see * as this
thing that's not very important.
And I will kind of just have *
with my husband whenever he wants it. And
it's not that important. Actually, * is a
big foundation in your marriage. And so start
seeing it as something that I need to
prioritize.
One thing that will help women prioritize it
more is
remembering and reminding yourself that
* in your marriage is an act of
worship.
We are rewarded when we do any act
of worship, praying, reading Quran, fasting, giving charity.
* is equally an act of worship. So
it is very important to
educate yourself about it, prioritise it and know
that you are being rewarded.
And I have found that when I went
from that place and understood that
it really helped my connection with Allah SubhanAllah
because
when I was able to experience more pleasure
and * in my marriage,
I
felt kind of in awe of Allah's generosity.
That
Allah
wants me to feel this good
and he's rewarding me for it in this
life and the next.
That's amazing. Like really when you think yeah,
exactly. So
I think that that's the message I want
women to start,
programming themselves with is * was created for
me as a woman
and
I'm going to do whatever it takes to
find out how to make * pleasurable and
*. And I'm going to communicate with my
husband and we're going to work as a
team.
And
insha'Allah,
just watch
how many positive effects it has in your
marriage.
I absolutely love that. And I think if
I remember correctly,
we talked about, before about 2 different kinds
of, of desire,
spontaneous desire and responsive
desire.
So for example, if a woman knows that
she's more inclined to the responsive desire,
and, for example,
she needs to
smell
nice in order for her to feel in
the mood. Right? Or she needs to be
clean
because you know? Or or she needs the
lights low or she needs certain smells. Yeah.
I remember you saying,
do it then.
Like, make that happen. You know? And and
this and this is what, for me, what
was really empowering about it was,
again, we we have this narrative
that men always want it. Mhmm. And, sorry,
husbands always want it, and wives are always
trying to put it off. Mhmm.
You know, the whole I've got a headache
trope. It's been a long day. You know?
If maybe if you help me with the
kids more, you know, maybe if you did
the dishes more. Basically,
I don't want this with you. Right? And
it's it's it's oh oh oh, the Muslim
version. I'm gonna have to make hustle.
I just got my hair done. You know?
Like, these types of things. Right? So there's
this this narrative that husbands want it and
wives are trying to put it off. And
when I heard you talking about, you know
firstly,
I mean, from where I'm sitting and what
I came to understand was that
we know that, Islamically,
the husband and the wife have the right
to enjoy each other. Mhmm. It's it's one
of the the one of the foundations of
the nikah
become halal for each other. Mhmm. You both
have sexual rights,
which means that you both have sexual responsibilities.
And so, you know, taking it from the
woman's side, from the wife's side, and I
know it's not a very sexy way of
saying it and it's not very fashionable,
But the reality is that you have a
responsibility
because he has a right, therefore you have
a responsibility.
You have a responsibility
as a wife
to take care of him in that way.
Now, of course, people don't wanna hear that
because
we've we've got this idea that * should
be the spontaneous thing and that desire should
be this big passionate wave that kind of
pushes you forward. And if you don't have
that, then you're not in the mood and
you shouldn't have to do anything. Right?
And and kind of what I've
learned along the way is that
when you
understand
that, okay. I want my husband to to
to to fulfill himself
in a halal way with me. Mhmm. Therefore,
I have a part to play.
What is that part?
Is it
changing my mindset around *? Is it looking
at how my timetable or my list of
activities is impacting
our * life? Is it, as you say,
taking control of the factors I can control
and getting myself
into that mood so that it's a very
small bridge between us. You know what I
mean? Rather than putting all the heavy lifting
on him and say, well, show me something
then. Like, okay. You want it? Alright then.
Make it happen. You know? And then there's
kind of this this combative kind of, like,
well, you know, I don't want to, but,
yeah, okay. Fine if we have to, you
know, type of thing. I mean, what what
do you think about that? I love that
you said that. And I I wanna say
one tip that will inshallah change,
you know, if there's a woman here listening
to this, and she's feeling what everything you
just said,
there's one thing that will really help and
it's gonna sound not very sexy,
but it is gonna inshallah make a difference.
And that is
to schedule *.
Yes. And it sounds like, woah, you're telling
me to schedule *. Isn't * meant to
be spontaneous? No. It's to be. Exactly. It's
this whole thing about the spontaneous design. I
mean, I mean, so who? Says who? Who
says it's meant to be spontaneous? Did Allah
say that? No. Allah never said that you
can't have * if you schedule it. Where's
your delay? Exactly.
Exactly. So I'm saying schedule * because
when we whenever you have something important,
there is there's a time for it. You
know when that appointment is going to be
and you usually will put it in your
calendar or diary if you have one or
you'll just know that, okay, this is the
time that I meant to be doing this
appointment,
this priority.
So do the same with *, schedule it,
whether physically putting it on your calendar or
diary or and you don't have to label
it as *, but it could just be
time with my husband. You could just label
it that. Something, you know, something that you
don't care if someone else were to see
that.
And making it a regular thing that you
do. Obviously, you know, if you can't do
it for whatever reason, you know, you were
ill or you're on your period, whatever is
fine, but you kind of have a general
regular schedule for when you have *. And
why this works for a lot of women
is because, as I mentioned earlier, most women
experience responsive desire. So they need
the right context, need to feel safe, comfortable,
they need to feel ready mentally, physically. They
need to,
be in the right context environmentally,
like the right surroundings, but also feel mentally
and emotionally
in the right context. When you schedule it
and you know that, okay, I'm gonna be
having
* and intimate time with my husband
Saturday at 9 pm on a regular schedule.
And you can start there, start with like
once a week for example, except when you're
on your period. You just don't have to
do it that day.
If you know that, you know that, okay,
I'm gonna be enjoying this, I'm gonna be
having this time with my husband.
I want to make the most of that
time. I want to make sure it's pleasurable
for me. What do I as a woman
need to do in the days leading up
to that, you know, Saturday at 9 p.
M. What do I as a woman need
to prepare? What can I,
communicate with my husband with regards to if,
you know, if I have kids, how can
he perhaps do bedtime that day so I
can go and have a nice bath or
go for a walk or read a book
or just have me time, whatever it is?
So engaging in self care time before *
is really important for a woman having time
to herself
before enjoying time with her husband.
But equally
changing your mindset to see that *,
is not a chore and
* is meant to be for your pleasure
too, and * is also meant to be
your self care time with your husband.
Speak on that, sis. Say that again. Yes.
Yes. If you think about it, whenever we
talk about self care, we talk about things
that are good for us,
things that are healing for us, things that
make us feel good, things that are pleasurable
for us. We tend to hear the things
of like having a facial massage. All of
those things are fine. All of those things
can be incorporated in self care.
But the main
the the essence of self care, something that
is self care is something that's good for
you, something that will help you, something that
is good for you spiritually, emotionally, mentally.
All of those things can occur when you
are engaging in * with your husband. It
can feel good, physically good, mentally good,
spiritually good. It can heal you. There is
a lot of energy exchange when you engage
in *. So * with your husband is
self care. There are so many things that
we can do for self care like
that involve other people such as, you know,
to get a massage and ease another person
to typically massage you unless you're kind of
self massaging or, you know, going out for
a coffee with friends that is, you know,
your self care time. But with other people,
there's self care that you do on your
own and self care that you do with
others.
* is a self care act that you
do with someone else with your spouse. So
not seeing * as this chore, this thing
that I just have to give
It's something that you
are going to enjoy and something that you
can
look forward to. So even though you're scheduling
it, it doesn't mean it's a chore. You're
scheduling it because it's a priority. Exactly.
It's your me time. You're scheduling it because
it's a priority. You're scheduling it because your
marriage is a priority.
You're scheduling it because you
are a priority.
It's, you're scheduling it because it's an act
of worship. Like just like there are certain
times for prayer.
The same applies to *. There might be
a certain time where you naturally feel like,
okay, that is the time when I will
feel most ready to have * is in
the evening once my kids are asleep. But
like really,
looking at the roles within your marriage, like
if you are taking on most of the
roles with regards to chores in the house
or raising up the kids and that is
draining you, you know, physically and mentally and
emotionally is, is, is realizing that it doesn't
have to be all on you as the
woman to do all those things. It's
communicating with your husband saying, I would like
you to do these things, you know, at
certain times and being a team and, you
know, having that conversation where he takes on
some of that load to some of that
burden that you may feel,
because it's gonna work in your favor, but
equally it's gonna work in his. If he's
doing those things
and you're having * more frequently,
let's say it is once a week because
you're scheduling it once a week. I'm sure
that once a week is a lot more
frequent
than you're currently having it. Like right now,
you might just be like doing it once
a month or once every 2 months because
that's what I'm hearing from my clients is
putting it off as much as possible and
then doing it once a month because they're
like, oh, it's been quite a while, But
once a week or 3 times a month
because on, you know, one of the weeks
you might be on your period.
3 times a month is
for a lot of people listening to this,
that is already more frequent
than you're currently doing it. And if it
isn't, like let's say 3 weeks a week,
3,
3, 3 times a month isn't regular enough
for your spouse
and you schedule it to be twice a
week instead,
then really putting it in your calendar. And
again, the same thing applies is how can
I get myself ready for that moment?
What conversations do I need to be having
with my spouse so that I feel really
ready, really looking forward to it? And what
conversations, I think, you know, just to jumping
off what you're saying, what conversations should I
be having with myself? Mhmm.
What's going on in here? Yeah. In order
for me to see that as self care.
And I really I love that. We're gonna
definitely, guys, you need to just do something
with that. I mean, a meme, a tweet,
a post on Instagram, something. Because,
you know, intimate time with hubby
ticks all the boxes of self care, just
as you mentioned. And it's so crazy
that it's like * outside of marriage is
this wild,
exciting ride. Right?
It's everywhere you you look.
Right? It's in every film. It's in every
TV series. It's in every song. It's in
every billboard. It's literally with our society is
saturated with *. Right? Yeah.
Most of it, outside marriage. Let's be frank.
Okay? Most of it is haram that's out
there. Yeah. When it comes to marriage, it's
like a * desert.
It's like married people do not do that.
It that's the kind of the message that
we get from society because * is so
very rarely
spoken about in the context of a marriage.
And when we're talking about marriages, we're very
rarely talking about *, you know? So for
us to
embrace the idea, as Muslims and as people
who, you know, who are married, let's let's,
you know, let's just call it what it
is,
that this is the playground.
This is the space. This is the space.
This is this is the place to explore.
This is the place to, you know, to
to be playful, to be experimental, to to
connect, to be intimate. You know, this should
be where the focus is, not all that
stuff out there.
And and really, as you say, in that
investment
in yourself,
all the physical, the emotional, the the health
benefits, all of that. And then the investment
in the relationship between you and your husband.
Because, you know, I know we're we're not
really, you know, talking about this today, but
this this whole thing of, sort of, the
dead bedroom or sexless marriages, or like you
say, you know, people who,
you know, would be grateful for once a
month, you know, or twice a month, and,
you know, and and they can't see themselves
getting more than that.
I I often think about,
say, whichever side it is, whether it's the
husband or the wife,
that wants more
and is being pushed away,
continually pushed away.
I've always thought about this scenario
and I've tried to reverse the roles. So
say, you know,
you are my spouse or you ask your
spouse
for a piece of cake.
They have the cake in their hand, and
you're hungry, and you ask them for the
piece of cake, and they say no. Mhmm.
And the next time you see them, you
say, you're hungry. They have the cake in
their hand, and they say no. And just
the
the sense of, you know, what we talked
about earlier, the the rejection.
And I think I've listened to quite a
few talks about this. The sense of loneliness
and isolation
that you feel
in a marriage,
especially, you know, as a Muslim, where this
is where it's all supposed to go down,
right? This is where it's supposed to happen.
All the things you said, it's halal, it's
the ibadah, it's all of these things, and
your spouse doesn't want you like that. And
your spouse can't bring themselves
to desire you in that way. Yeah.
For those of us who are on the
side of pushing away,
I'm saying this for you, really, because I
I would love for you to examine
what's really going on. You know? And and
have you thought
of
what it would feel like if the shoe
was on the other foot? So true. And
and and can you, you know, can you
get yourself to a place where that's not
the dynamic in your relationship? Because I just
I feel it's so sad. It's such a
sad place to be, you know, where you're
with someone. You may love them and everything,
but they don't want you. Yeah.
Yeah. What I wanna say to that is
I I really think it's important
to help with what you've just said. I
think it's important,
because what you've said is usually
the woman experiencing that where like her husband
wants * a lot and she perhaps doesn't
and she keeps on kind of turning down
her husband and then the husband feeling,
kind of disconnected. Having
It can always the other way. So regardless
of who it applies to, I think it's
important to
expand your definition of * and sexual activity.
I found with the women that I work
with that they feel very limited to this
idea that * is meant to be a
certain way and there's only kind of one
type of *, I.
E. *
is sexual * or * is is penetration.
And they feel like it's very limiting because
sometimes they're just not in the mood for
penetration,
but they would be happy for other forms
of *. They would be happy to
they would be happy for example, if they're
not in the mood and they're not fussed
about their own pleasure at that moment in
time, they don't really care to experience *
right there.
But their husband really does or the spouse
really does whichever way it is.
They might still feel willing
to
provide that to their spouse
and and and, you know, give pleasure to
their spouse without receiving anything. And that's a
great thing if they are happy to do
that perfect. But they feel like limited by
that one type of * because they just
feel like
perhaps penetrative * is a bit uncomfortable or
they're approaching their time of the month and
they're feeling a bit of pain and discomfort
down there. And they're just like, I'm really
not in the mood for that. Or they've
had a busy day with the kids or
work or whatever.
And they're like, they feel like that that
they feel like the reason they have to
say no to their spouse
is
because of that one type of * that
they feel like is the only that or
nothing else. If that's the offer, then it's
no from me. Exactly.
And sometimes penetrative * just feels too much.
Like it requires quite a lot of energy.
And for women, especially in order to have
penetrative *, it's not just this physical act
of the man's penis going in the *.
So many things need to happen
before that. You know, a lot of foreplay
needs to happen for it to feel pleasant
and comfortable and enjoyable for her. And so
if a woman in this context,
is limited to that one definition of *,
naturally, she's probably going to want to turn
down her husband because she's just thinking it's
too much hassle, it's too much pain and
discomfort.
If you expand your definition of * and
sexual activity, and this I think is important
for men because
a lot of men also limit themselves and
kind of think I'm now married
and whenever I want *, it's meant to
be a certain way. It's meant to be
that my penis has to go in my
wife's *.
And of course that is Getting demonetized
guys. Yeah. At one time.
Yeah. And of course it is pleasurable for
for men to,
you know, for for a man's penis to
go in the *.
But that is not the only way that
a man *. It's not just from penetrate
penetrates *. As we know. There are so
many different positions and types of *
that are allowed istamically,
manual stimulation with your hands. You can even
use your mouth. A lot of scholars say
that oral * is permissible. Essentially when it
comes to *, Islamically,
the only thing that is not allowed, that
is not permitted
is * *
and penetrative * when a woman's on her
period. Right. So when you kind of,
you know, when you kind of think, okay,
those are the only things that are not
allowed.
There's so much else,
so many other things on the menu that
you can choose from. And so There's a
buffet out here. Exactly. And if if if
penetrative * is like number 1 on the
menu,
you know,
but you can't have that for whatever reason.
What's next? What are the other things that
you both enjoy that the woman or the
not the woman, that one spouse is happy
to do and the other has to ask
is happy to receive that kind of thing.
And then that should hopefully bring you to
a place where you're able to both have
frequent
*. * doesn't always have to be about
giving and receiving pleasure. It can sometimes be
just about the giving,
whether that's the man focusing just on the
woman's pleasure or the woman focusing just on
the man's pleasure, as long as they're happy
to do that. But it shouldn't become this
thing where it's always one-sided,
but sometimes it absolutely can
be. So that's relevant to what you said,
where you were talking about rights and also
responsibilities,
where
if one spouse keeps feeling like they're saying
no to their spouse,
but they're also understanding, oh, okay, this is
my responsibility and Allah, I'm I'm accountable for
my actions
and that I don't want my spouse to
be feeling lonely and disconnected.
And my spouse is, you know, craving *
and wanting * and wanting that connection with
me. How can I still provide that to
my spouse?
But in a way where I'm not fully
sacrificing myself all the time? Yeah.
I love that. I I love that. And
another thing that kind of occurred to me
in this space as well,
that occurred to me in this space as
well is,
again, a mindset thing,
about desire.
And I wonder whether we, as women as
wives, let's make it specific,
whether we as wives
almost take for granted the fact that our
husband will desire us,
so much so that it's
like, he's always you know, he's just
Yeah. A kind of dismissive attitude or even
just like you feel put upon.
And I get it. You know? Again, going
back to what we were saying before, the
chores or this or that. Everything life in
general, just, you know, pushing that way off
the list of priorities.
But I I I found it useful
to reframe
husband's desire,
my husband's desire for me.
It's a privilege, really, for me. Yes. It
is. It's it's an honor. Yeah.
Because it doesn't have to be that way.
He doesn't have to desire me. Yeah. He
could desire anyone. He could desire anyone. There
are men who desire many other women, and,
you know, there are men out there who
fulfill their desires with other women. Right?
So if my husband
desires me
in the state that I'm in, whatever that
state is, Because, of course, you know, we
also have issues about our bodies, and if
we've put on weight, and if we've had
the baby, and all of these things, and
we're measuring ourselves up to whatever we've seen
on social media or whatever we've seen on
TV. Right? And we don't feel attractive. And
yet your husband still desires you though, sis.
So maybe you need to stop taking your
cues from Instagram
and respond to him because this is the
man that Allah
has put in your
life as your source of intimate pleasure. And
the fact that he wants you is not
a burden sis, it's not a burden. The
fact that he wants you is fantastic
because it you know,
he doesn't have to. You know, there are
there are couples where the husband doesn't want
his wife. He's not attracted to her. He's
not turned on by her. He does not
want to have relations with her.
I would prefer to take a man who
desires me over someone who couldn't care less.
But, again, it's a it's a mindset shift,
isn't it? I love that you said that
because, actually, I think the majority of women
actually want to be desired. Of course we
do. Majority of women want to feel attractive,
want to feel beautiful, want to feel sexy.
And so here you are in this marriage
where all of those are happening for you.
Your husband
finds you attractive and desires you sexually and
wants to connect with you intimately.
But you are, like you said, kind of
taking it for granted or dismissing it or
not seeing it as a big deal. But
it is a big deal. It is a
big deal that he desires you and wants
to be with you.
What's important
is that women start desiring themselves
because I feel
Mhmm. Now she's going deep. Okay, girl, I'll
give it to us. Yes.
I feel that, like you said, women are
on Instagram
comparing themselves to other women and what other
women look like. I'm thinking that
I don't understand why does my husband design
me when, you know, I have a flabby
belly and stretch marks and big thighs or
whatever,
saggy *. And, you know, he could he
could go and desire that other woman on
Instagram. And like you said, there are men
who do desire other women outside the marriage.
But here you are blessed
to be in this marriage where your husband
only has eyes for you and truly desires
you regardless of what you look like externally.
Because at the end of the day,
your level of sexual pleasure in your marriage
doesn't depend on what your body looks like
or what your spouse's body looks like.
* is not just this physical act of
2 bodies coming together.
* is really about 2
spirits and souls coming together and that mental
emotional connection
with your spouse. So that's where I think
it needs to start is women start desiring
yourself
not based on your external appearance, which you
can do, you know, you can make yourself
look good and desire yourself that way, but
really desiring yourself internally first.
The next thing I want to say with
regards to that is
when you when your husband approaches you and
says you look beautiful or I'd love to
have * with you tonight or whatever,
instead of dismissing it and taking it for
granted is again, it's mindset like you said,
is thinking, okay,
this is
one of the avenues that Allah is showing
me that he loves me, that Allah loves
me, that Allah Allah gives us love in
so many different ways. So when your child
just randomly comes and hugs you,
yes, the child loves you, but really who's
the source of love is Allah.
So
the love is coming from Allah through your
child who's then hugging you. The same applies
to your husband now who where Allah is
the source of love
and that love is coming through your husband
to you. Are you gonna put a wall
there and say, no, I don't want your
love. I don't need your love.
So it's really
reframing it that way is Allah is trying
to show me love
and seeing
that desire
from your spouse
as provision from Allah.
That Allah, Allah, I don't want to say
Allah desires you,
but Allah is noticing you and Allah wants
you to be connected with your spouse. And
so don't shut that off. It's open yourself
up. It's it really is about
being in receptive mode and being in the
receptive mode mode is a very feminine mode
to be in. This is not having to
do do do. It's just being and be
willing to receive that.
Yeah. And I think that just as you
said, it is receiving
the risk. It's receiving this opportunity because that's,
I think, what Allah
is doing is opening a door for you
or there's there's a doorway that has been
presented.
And on the other side of that doorway
is all the good stuff. Right? It's the
barakah. It's, you know, it's it's the reward.
It's, you know, the connection. It's the increased
love and all the other good stuff that
we talked about. And it's just a matter
of, you know, are you going to take
this opportunity? Are you going to, you know,
push the door open and go in?
And like you said,
the whole
being willing to receive,
even the compliments.
Yeah. You know? Even the compliments, even the
hints, even the the flirts,
you know, those acts of love, those acts
of service,
being willing to receive, you know, and allow
yourself to be filled up with that. I
don't know. I'm just as we're talking, I'm
just imagining, like, a whole army of Muslim
wives who are just
connected to their femininity and connected to their
sexual nature.
Mhmm. I don't know, man. I think they'll
be pretty happy, and I think that their
husbands will be pretty happy too. And I
think that that would be a very good
thing. Yes. Absolutely.
That's that's what we want. That like, we
want that and I really feel like it
will,
inshallah
change the like. I think that unfortunately
there is a lot of divorce happening within
the Muslim community. Not that it's necessarily a
bad thing. Divorce can be a good thing,
but sometimes,
you know, the reasons for those divorce perhaps
could have been prevented or could have been,
you know,
perhaps the couple just needed some
therapy or some to work with a professional
to heal some of the issues that they
didn't realize could be healed. And so they
kind of just thought, this is too much.
We just have to divorce where really perhaps
those
that man and woman in that couple
were perfect for each other and meant to
be for each other, but they didn't see
it. And so,
you know, like I said, * is not
the only thing in marriage, but it's a
big part of marriage. And * unfortunately is
quite a big cause of divorce
within the Muslim community and we want to
prevent that. You know, if we're able
to save a marriage for good reasons, like
if you know the man is a good
man and the woman is a good man
and they are good for each other and
it is just about they didn't have education
about * or they didn't know how to
overcome this sexual issue and we can help
them with that. That is amazing. And they
will, you know, enjoy each other and and
have a better, a better, more strengthened marriage,
inshallah.
Insha'Allah, you Rabb. May Allah bless all of
us in our homes and our relationships with
our spouses and our * lives. Yes. I
said it. So how can people get in
touch with you?
The best way is to email me. It's
support at amirazaki.com.
My name has a h at the end
as well.
But, you know, I am on Instagram, but
I don't accept messages at the moment. But
on my Instagram is an email button. So
that will take you to the email. I
said, really, the best way is email.
And yeah, we can take it from there.
I specifically work with women
who experience painful * or vaginismus.
That is my main focus. But I equally
do work with women
who are struggling with their * lives, you
know, perhaps
are not enjoying it or have certain sexual
issues.
So, you know, if those apply to you
and you would like help, feel free to
email me inshallah.
Excellent.
Those links will be in the description, guys.
We'll put everything down there for you.
I hope that you guys enjoyed this conversation
as much as I did. If you did,
please give the video a like, make sure
you leave a comment, and of course subscribe
to the channel. And do follow Sister Amira
on all her platforms. And if you do
need her help, then definitely get in touch.
This is something, alhamdulillah, that is halal, that
Allah has made halal for us, has put
barakah in it for us. So why are
we leaving halal, good stuff, on the table?
No reason. Right, Amira? Not at all. Not
at all. Waka'alaikha and sis. It's been really,
really special. Definitely, we will see you again
on the channel, inshallah.
Waiyaki, sister. Thank you so much for having
me.
Assalamu alaikum.