Naima B. Robert – A Sisters Ramadan Season 3 Episode 4 6 Essential Relationships Relationship your children
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And welcome back to a Sister's Ramadan.
I am your sister, Naeema b Robert. And
as always, I'm delighted that you've joined me
today. So what are we doing
in this series?
We're on a mission, aren't we? To cherish
and nurture our relationships with our loved ones
while we still can. The central question of
this year's show is,
how can we as Muslim women
use the month of Ramadan
to improve our relationships?
Relationships with Allah,
with ourselves and with our loved ones and
those around us. And in today's show, we
will be looking at our relationship
with our children.
If anyone watching
has a child or has children,
then I'm sure that you will remember
those earliest, earliest days.
Maybe it was when you were trying for
a baby.
Maybe it was when you were getting pregnancy
tests and seeing if you were or you
weren't.
Your hopes and your dreams for this child.
What it was like to be expecting.
What it was like to fall in love
with your newborn.
SubhanAllah.
What a miracle it is. The love that
blossoms in the heart of a mother when
her child is born.
I wanna take a few moments for you
to just remember
that time and remember those golden days.
Because for many of us,
those golden days can seem like a distant
memory.
Unfortunately,
human beings,
we tend to
fall into a rut.
Whether it's the many demands that children have,
whether it's lack of sleep, whether it's, our
own expectations of ourselves
or expectations of a spouse or family member,
whether it's pressure from society,
the role of being a mother
can start to feel
quite heavy.
It's no longer this coveted, respected role that
we had. We no longer feel like it's
such an honor. It's now more of
hard work.
We go on autopilot
and many of us fall into the very,
very bad habit
of simply wishing for each day to be
over.
Can you relate?
Wishing for the night to come so that
the children can be asleep. Wishing for the
weekend when you will get some help from
your spouse or your relatives.
Wishing for the next stage in their development,
You know, when they're going to be finally
be able to do x, y and z.
And
if we're honest,
a lot of us may experience
feelings of resentment or wishing that we were
somewhere else or were someone else or were
doing something else.
Motherhood can seem like a blur of never
ending routines, responsibilities
and tasks.
The demands on our time and energy can
leave us feeling drained and lackluster.
We end up sleepwalking through our days frustrated.
We go through the motions but in reality
we've checked out.
There's no joy left.
No excitement.
No anticipation.
And unfortunately
our children feel it.
They can see
they can see that mommy is not happy,
that she'd rather spend time on her phone
than with them,
that she's distracted at bedtime.
SubhanAllah.
Pause.
If this is resonating with you,
you're not alone.
You're not alone
but this doesn't have to continue.
Because in this way, we run the risk
of losing out
on the rewards of being a mother, on
the reward
of nurturing
the relationship with our children
in this dunya and in the akhirah.
And we run the risk of losing the
reward of being parents in the first place.
Let's reflect a little on the relationship
between a mother and her child.
Abdullah ibn Amr reported that the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wasallam said,
every one of you is a shepherd and
is responsible for his flock.
The leader of people is a guardian and
is responsible for his subjects.
A man is the guardian of his family
and he is responsible for them. A woman
is the guardian of her husband's home and
his children and she is responsible for them.
The servant of a man is a guardian
of the property of his master and he's
responsible for it. And no doubt, every one
of you is a shepherd and is responsible
for your flock.
So
if we know that we have been given
the task of shepherd,
showing up for our children as the shepherd
means
being intentional.
It means being mindful.
It means that
we need to be present in mind and
body.
It also means that we need to have
a vision for ourselves as mothers.
And we need to be actively working towards
that vision.
In order for us to be able to
really make the most of this relationship, we
have to actively take stock,
take ourselves to account
and evaluate our behavior,
our attitudes,
our reactions
and be seeking to improve.
And it's okay.
Mothering is a work in progress,
not a done deal. Because our job essentially
is to help our children
develop
as we do. And we talked in another
episode about the aspects of ourselves
that we have been tasked with nurturing and
cherishing. And it's the same with our children.
The mind, seeking knowledge, maintaining the pure Islamic
Aqidah,
constantly learning and improving.
The body, eating healthfully, maintaining our health, looking
after our appearance, exercise.
The soul, regular Ibadah, Istighfar,
self care and acceptance.
So our role as mothers is
to enable
our children
to eventually grow up to be adults who
can do what we've been tasked to do.
Now how does that relate to Ramadan?
How can we use the month of Ramadan
to nurture this relationship with our children and
specifically
to take care of this amenah
that we have,
that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is going to
question us about. Well, I'd like to offer
you 3 strategies.
The strategies are, 1st and foremost,
leading by example.
Now, children by their nature, especially young children
tend to copy, love to copy, love to
be like mommy, love to be like daddy.
So within our concept of Ramadan,
how can we include the children?
Whether it's fasting part of the day,
helping to prepare suhoor, helping to prepare iftar,
being involved in inviting people,
praying during the day, reading a bit of
Quran here and there, obviously listening to the
Quran.
Many families do enjoy beautifying their homes or
doing arts and crafts that are related to
Ramadan. But most importantly, I wanna look at
how we are involving our children in our
own Ibadah
so that they can see, model for them,
what they should be in aspiring to when
they are older.
The other thing that we can do is
to create of a supportive environment
for all of the above.
Involving them in our Ibadah, in our Ramadan
activities is a way for us to instill
in our children
the qualities that they will need as they
move on in life to be
Muslims who take care of the amena of
their own actions.
So this is a time, my dear sister,
for you to
again
use those
strategies. The steps that I showed you, those
4 steps. And I'm gonna go into more
detail in this episode about how to actually
put those steps into action. So your task
this
episode is to take some time to think
about how you can use Ramadan
to improve your relationship with your children.
We're gonna use the 4 steps again. The
first is renewing your intention.
Now when I say renewing your intention,
I would like you to go right back,
right back to the beginning.
Why did you have children?
Why do you have children?
What do you want
your mothering to mean
for you in this life and the next?
These children,
what is expected of you?
What do you hope to achieve?
What is your vision for yourself as a
mother
and for your children?
What's important?
What isn't?
What takes priority?
What doesn't?
When you renew your intention
and you remind yourself that essentially
Allah
is going to ask us about these children
and that this work of mothering
is a role that we've been honored with
by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Because if Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala had not
written that you would be a mother,
you would not be a mother.
If he had not written that you would
have 3 girls and a boy, you would
not have those.
So
if Allah
has put us,
made us the shepherd of these children,
then every single day
I invite you to renew your intention
as a mother,
as the shepherd of your children, as the
guardian of these children, and
the keeper of this Amana.
So I would like you to spend some
time really thinking through because when it comes
to our children,
lots of other issues can tend to muddy
the waters and very few of us do
take the time out to purify our intention
when it comes to our children. Whether it's
to do with modeling a better for them,
whether it's to do with teaching them, loving
them, showing affection, communicating,
disciplining.
Why are you doing all of that? What
is your ultimate purpose? What is your ultimate
goal?
Get clear on that.
Then
the next step is to slow down.
Now I know how hard this is for
moms, especially in Ramadan
when there's so much going on and there's
so many demands on our time from every
every which corner.
But
slowing down,
cutting down on the multitasking,
inshallah will allow you to reconnect with your
child,
to reconnect with the work that you're doing
and enable you to really bring your full
self to whatever task it is that you
have at hand.
Slowing down means that you are mindful,
that you are present and that you are
doing everything intentionally.
And then if you remember our third step
is to take yourself to account.
Again, at the end of every day,
ask yourself,
how did I do?
Did I show up the way I wanted
to? Did I show up the way I
needed to? Did I make the right call
here? Did I do enough here or not
enough there? Take yourself to account and be
real about it.
And then the 4th step,
press the reset button. If you had a
tough day, if you had a day when
nothing went according to plan, no problem.
Ask Allah for help, make dua and recommit
to do better the next day and do
things differently.
Well that was a lot. Thank you so
much for joining me for this episode. Jazakamalahu
Khayran. I hope that you benefited. Please be
sure to tell us what you think of
this episode.
Share your thoughts in the comments.
Tag us on social media at imanchannelor@naimabrobert.
And use hashtag sistersramadhan.
Subhanak Allahumma. Rabbanobihamdikashadu
and I
look forward to seeing you in the next
episode
when we are going to be talking about
our relationship
with our parents.