Nahela Morales – How to make new friends as a New Convert to Islam
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AI: Transcript ©
Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh My name is Neela
Morales and I'm going to give it a couple seconds. Before we get
started today we have a very important topic. Mashallah, as you
can see from the title, today, we will be talking about how to make
new friends as a new convert. Brittany laughs so let's just give
it a couple seconds. So people can log on, it's been a minute so I
hope you are enjoying your Saturday morning, afternoon or
evening wherever you're at. I am a convert myself and inshallah I
hope that this talk today is of much benefit. To give you a little
background about myself, I am a convert, as I mentioned, and I do
work with converts, I do work with converts on a day to day basis, I
actually co founded an organization by the name of
embrace, which is a project to Vigna and everything that is
programmed, it's by reverts by converts, for converts for
rebirths whatever terminology you prefer, whether it's new Muslim,
convert,
Revert first generation Muslims.
Muslim just were Muslims, right Al Hamdulillah. Once we said I should
do ally Ilaha illa Allah should do Muhammad Rasul Allah, we become
part of this ummah, and so we become Muslim. So I'm just gonna
give it a couple of seconds, so people log in, and I will share
this out to a couple of my pages. Inshallah, if you do have any
questions, please make sure to
you know, put them in the comment section and I will be inshallah
answering them as we go on or towards the end of our session.
Bismillah. So let's, let's just give it a couple a couple minutes.
So we can allow folks to come on here.
I was actually very excited about this topic, because it's a topic
that is not spoken about often. And as new converts, there's a lot
of changes when we come into the fold of Islam. As a matter of
fact, that transition, sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not as
easy. And so every journey is individual. We are not cookie
cutters, you know, we don't come from the same backgrounds, we
don't come from the same walks of life and therefore we need to be
treated as individuals. Inshallah. Okay, so we're going to be talking
about how to make friends as new converts into this beautiful faith
of Islam.
Let's just give it a couple more seconds. And then we'll get
started with sha Allah share it out if you know of any converts
that are struggling in your community
in sha Allah this is a benefit to them.
And
let's see we'll get started let me share it one more place
and
we will get started as a matter of fact, I just got off of a sisters
Holika which we conduct every Saturday morning. So if you do
know of any sisters who are looking for sisterhood and we'll
talk about that in a minute
okay
join us okay
all right.
And let's get started
alright,
so today's topic
as you can read from the title
How to Make Friends after converting into this beautiful
face. So today I plan to inshallah share a few top a few tips that
have worked for me, but prior to that, I want us to kind of
understand what friendship what sisterhood is. So let's begin. I
will be like human to Shakedown. rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem
Subhanallah he will be handy was should do Allah ilaha illallah wa
should do unknown Muhammad Rasul Allah. Once again welcome to this
live. My name is Anna Halal mirallas. And I will be talking
today about how to make friends after converting into this
beautiful faith. So one of the things we need to understand is
that upon embracing Islam, many of us lose absolutely everything and
I think we don't talk about this often enough, and sometimes it's
very painful for the one that converts to even
digests this new one.
way of life and how our family members sometimes turn their,
their backs on us. And so it is not easy, but uh with Allah's
help, and obviously our Ummah and some of the tips that I will be
talking about today,
inshallah your your journey will be easier. So number one, we have
to understand that this is the way Allah subhanaw taala made us,
right we as human beings,
we desire to be surrounded by other individuals to be, you know,
surrounded by friends that may think like guys maybe have the
same,
the same,
you know,
background, the same country, the same language.
It's normal to want that in a friendship, right. But it's also
very important to be very flexible when we come into the faith
because we're not all from the same country. And so we are a very
diverse Alma and Hamdulillah. I am Mexican, as you can see in my
little flag, so I was born actually in Mexico City. And I
came to the United States ever at a very young age. And so I do
speak Spanish. And even though my mother tongue is Spanish, and I
gravitate to that, when I do meet new sisters who are either
Hispanic or Latinas, I am very open when it comes to meeting
other sisters. And in the work that I do, obviously, I engage
with both brothers and sisters on a very professional level, because
the organization I co founded is convert care, right? So convert
care, we deal with both brothers and sisters, sometimes family
sometimes the husband and the wife are both converts. And sometimes
both the husband and the wife after converting Islam lose
absolutely everything when it comes to their family members. And
so that's why it's very important for us to
be very open and be very welcoming and flexible when it comes to
seeking for. I don't like to call it friends more of a sisterhood
brotherhood bond. And why do I say that because as
as Muslims, we have rights upon each other rights that not even
our non Muslim family members have. And I want to share a quick
story with you that just happened this week. Subhan Allah so this
past Thursday, we buried a revert a convert to Islam. And not one
single family member came other than his wife and his wife's
family whose mother in law and father in law converted to Islam.
So his wife was born into the faith but her parents were
converts or our converts anyway
only a handful came to the burial.
And, and not one single family member blood member I mean, so it
was very
it was very emotional when the father in law spoke because he
said something very, very important that we we the Omagh,
those who were there were supposed to be there, first and foremost,
right? We were it was written for us to be there. But number two,
that if it wasn't for his OMA, he perhaps would have not been buried
as a Muslim because his family was never of acceptance of him
becoming a muslim. So this is why it's so important for us convert
to try to engage or try to get involved into a community into a
masjid, to start engaging with those that will invite us to good.
The Prophet saw some tells us that we become who we hang around with,
right? So we become the friends that we are surrounded by the
that's the way we carry ourselves.
And I'll give you an example. Let's say it's time for us. Right?
If you are among friends that are practicing the faith, they are
going to encourage you to pray. I said, and we'll remind you, but if
you surround yourself with individuals that are obviously not
part of your faith, and I have non Muslim friends, so don't that's
not where I'm gearing towards. I'm gearing more first and foremost on
building that network and building that tribe that will essentially
guide you towards general for those because we got to remember
that this destination this life that we're living this is not our
final
destination and so it's important for us to always think of the
hereafter. Inshallah
so, um, so oftentimes, you know, we we want, we want difference.
And this is the way Allah subhanaw taala built us right to be
surrounded
around individuals that will invite us to good and will,
inshallah remind us of him. And so one of the ways to start or one of
the tips that I want to give you is, start by making dua, make dua
that Allah subhanaw taala guides, those, those people towards you,
the people that will be guiding you and helping you with your new
religion.
Start making dua for individuals that will be of good of a resource
to you and not, not monetarily, even though that's also important,
but individuals that will remind you when you know our holidays are
that will invite you to the masjid that will invite you to the next
Holika that will invite you to their festivities right so if
let's say they have a child that is born, they will invite you to
their a Kike or if they have children getting married, they
will invite you to their walima and the knickers, the wedding
ceremonies and celebrations. So you want to start making dua for
individuals that will elevate you and uplift you in your new faith.
That's number one. So you want to make that intention initially that
you know you want individuals that are surrounded by you and that
will be providing
and inviting you so the
the the Hadith that the Prophet saw some
where it says about friends it says someone is about the religion
of his friends so should one of you examine who is made of his
friends so basically we got to make sure that the friends that we
are accumulating or the friends that we are befriending are of
those that are again going to invite us to goodness and forbid
evil
number two I would say you know be very open I mentioned this earlier
be very open be very flexible don't expect that you're going to
find friends from your from your hometown right or that that's all
you want people that look like you speak like you eat like you know
be very flexible because our Omar mashallah I mean I have friends
from all over the world mashallah, I have friends from Ghana, I have
friends from Egypt, I have friends from, you know, Colombia, I have
friends from Europe. So the Ummah is pretty large, right? We are,
one point a billion Muslims around the world. So wherever your
community is, you're gonna have Muslims from all over the world.
So be very flexible. Don't shy away just because you don't speak
the language of the land yet perfectly. I'll have the love we
have the language of Islam. And so as salaam aleikum, and a smile
will go a long way. So be very flexible when it comes to engaging
with new individuals who you will, who will become part of your tribe
inshallah.
Number three, when we are choosing these friendships, Inshallah,
we should be choosing individuals who love Allah, right? And why is
that because nine out of 10 If they love Allah, you know, and
they love you for the sake of Allah, they will not harm you,
they will always be looking out for you and will be again inviting
you to good. I know I repeat myself a lot, but it really goes
hand in hand. And it's important for us to see how our faith is so
complete. And so if we start with the right intention, and we begin
to make dua off the bat off the get go, then those individuals
will come in flocks to our life. But then you know, we need to be
careful, we don't want to have 100 friends who are shallow who are
not inviting us too good. If you have one or two friends that you
can establish a solid relationship with and you know, you can call
your sister and your brother at any given time, then that's,
that's even more priceless than having 100 individuals who are
never there for you and and you will feel somewhat empty and
lonely. So I want to go home everyone that is joining I see
that people are joining just like all here for being here on this
Saturday morning for me, possibly evening or afternoon
For many of you
so you know, when I think of friendships I think about family
members for me personally I think about
I will be there no matter what at what time whatever time and
whatever need that is one of the one of the things that I've
learned throughout the years is that you may be the doer that
someone is making, right so if somebody does come to you and
friendships are built on different circumstances, different timings
different countries, sometimes I have friends that I have met while
traveling and that Masha Allah, they have become some of my
dearest and closest sisters, and friends. And so, you know, when we
are making that initial dua for those type of friendships, you
know, perhaps they're not going to always be even where you live, you
will have friends all over the world. And that has happened to
me. And it's been a blessing, especially when you travel, that
you have someone in that locality that will either help you get
around, or help you, you know, make things easier for you. Or
even sometimes host you I've had friends hosting me across the
world Alhamdulillah and I have many invitations that I pray that
once this pandemic is lifted, I am able to visit these friends I have
a friend who lives and who is Puerto Rican, and lives in Jordan,
and she has been inviting me over for so many years. It's never
happened, but I hope that I am able to visit her Bismillah
so um, when it comes to friendships, when it comes to what
are we looking at a friendship? I think it's important to know what
we're looking for in a friend, you know, are you looking for someone
that is reliable? Are you looking for someone that is going to be
able to help you with your faith? Are you looking for someone that
is of a native speaker of the Arabic language. So you can have
that in common and that person can help you either read Koran, learn
Quran, or help you with your touch weed. So you have to know what
you're looking for in a friend, right, you have to know the plot
of qualities that you're looking for, and what you will bring to
the table as well. Because normally relationships are based
on give and give and take, right so Hamdulillah this is the beauty
of Islam. And this is the beauty of our faith that we are able to
learn from one another, we are able to help one another and
assist one another. And obviously, as converse, we are all on a
different level as far as learned learning. Or perhaps we just need
companionship, right. So if you are one that needs a sister to
call every once in a while, or you need someone who helps you and
wakes you up for Fudger then find that have that common ground talk
about this. You know, because you will be surprised more than once
have I had sisters tell me, you know, I've been looking for
someone like you that will help me or remind me or, you know, when
we're in conversation and someone says something along the lines, I
have a really hard time waking up for Fudger and I come and say
well, I don't have a problem waking up for Fudger and I
normally wake up without even an alarm. So it would be an honor if
I help you. If you want me to text you or call you I can wake you up
for Fudger so these are the type of friendships we want to start
working towards in sha Allah.
Number three, obviously, the believer is the mirror of the
believer. So if you see someone with amazing qualities, or
somebody that you strive to be like or similar to, this is also
very important Inshallah, you know, like I always admire some of
my really close friends and I try to always extract different gems.
So if a reminder is being said, you know, we got to remember that
when we do remember Allah subhanho wa Taala there's angels that
surround us. So be very cautious. Be very mindful of those type of
friendships, if you know that there's a sister or a brother for
the brothers, that is always you know, in the remembrance of Allah
that God is always on the tip of their tongue, or, you know, a
wonderful Hadith or an idea or
always practicing the Sunnah, you know, keep that all in mind and
and jot all that down and see, you know, this is what I'm looking for
this is what I want, as far as a friendship
goes or a sisterhood tribe. Like I mentioned before, you know, when
we are thinking of friends or sister and brotherhood, we're
thinking of building our family, you know, we don't have a say so
in choosing our blood family, but we do when it comes to our Muslim
family as as for US Congress, right, we we tend to gravitate to
those who are somewhat similar to us. But again, the flexibility and
the openness is very important, because you may not know much yet,
but if you are surrounded with good friends, then inshallah you
will pick up on that. Remember that we are habitual individuals,
and this is why we pray five times a day
hamdulillah because, you know, we have to be very consistent. So in
these relationships, we have to be very consistent as well, we have
to make sure that we nurture them as much as they are going to be
nurturing.
US inshallah. So
the other thing I wanted to talk about, too, which we tend to
forget, is invitations, right? I know, we are still in a pandemic,
and I know it's sometimes difficult. But even if it's to
invite someone to a Holika online, or a lecture, or you seen a flyer,
and you see something that a new convert may benefit or a new
Arabic class or a new, I don't know, we're going to start a new
Hadith class. And so make sure that you establish those
relationships based on the type of information you are receiving from
others, right. So if there's a friend that is always sending you
valuable information, and is always reminding you of the next
class, or the next Holika, the next lecture, that's someone that
you should think about, you know, becoming closer to because
obviously, again, they love a law. And so they want you to love a lot
and learn who is our Creator, and more of your religion as a new
convert to this faith.
If you have any questions, please, I am reading them. So please feel
free to drop down to drop any questions that you may have,
inshallah.
So the other the other thing that I think it's important, and we
don't talk a lot about about is, when we are, when we come into
this faith, some of us lose jobs, some of us lose family members,
some of us lose, you know, children, especially if you
convert, older and you have older adult children, I've seen that
some sisters, you know, children, who are adults stop talking to
them. And so we have to be very sensitive when it comes to the
Convert community. Because like I stated in the beginning, we don't
all come from the same walks of life, the same experiences. And so
being very compassionate and sensitive is key when dealing with
converts. And we're dealing with any community, I think we
sometimes lack of that compassion within our communities, and we are
so judgmental, or we're easy to criticize. And so it's important
that that when we are also scouting for our tribe, our
friends, we are very vigilant of these individuals that perhaps,
you know, are negative or are very judgmental, just you know, you you
don't have to be friends with absolutely everyone. We have
rights that we have upon one another but that doesn't mean that
we have to be best friends with everyone.
And I hope that comes out correctly.
But that's that's the honest truth. You know, we we don't all
necessarily get along or have the same taste, but we do have rights
that we owe to each other. And some of those rights are the salam
you know, when somebody greets you with some lamb it is a ride upon
each other that we are supposed to reply with a calm Salam. You know,
and we understand that there is baraka and even the salaams if you
just say Salam aleikum, you get 10 Hasson ads. If you say Salam
aleikum wa rahmatullah you get 20 hasta net and if you get Salam
alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh you get 30 Hassanal. So even that
you i know i normally I'm very vigilant when it comes to that and
I hear the way I'm being greeted
because it forces me to get those 30 has snapped without any effort,
because when somebody greets you with us set Alikum what I did like
you were but I got to, you want to reply the same way if you
obviously understand the baraka, the blessings in it, and so that
is easy acquiring those those that hasn't had that those blessings
and those are the type of friends that you also want to be very
mindful about. Inshallah. I don't want to make this alive, too, too
lengthy, but with me last, so I do want to keep it short and sweet. I
see Salam aleikum from France Ma sha Allah. Just like a hair for
being here. I see people from Malaysia said I want to go home I
see people from Bangladesh, masha Allah, and so Salam aleikum,
everyone if you have any questions, I know it's not easy to
build a tribe that you can count on all the time, but you have to
make sure to know what you are bringing to the table first and
foremost, and know what you want in any type of relationship
including a friendship or sisterhood. So I hope that these
tips are a value I hope that
you are able to
kind of know what you want in a friendship in a sisterhood and
understand that it takes time you know, and it takes trust and
whatever we put out there will come back. So make sure that when
you are looking for that friend, you are willing to also give a
give back and give a good word. You know, given advice when is ask
us that's another right upon us. You know, when someone comes to
you and is asking for advice or is asking for your do us, you know be
ready to be there for that person. We just never know when we're
going to depart from this world. So it's important for us to focus
on our offset out while we're here. And the best way to do that
is by having the right people around us that will remind us of
Allah subhanaw taala I hope this talk was of benefit. Anything good
that I have said today is from Allah subhana wa dallah any
mistake that I've mentioned is from myself and I ask Allah
Subhana Allah to forgive me. I hope to be back soon. If you have
any topics that you would like us to address, please do send us a
message. My name is the halal mirallas Until next time, take
care Salaam Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh