Nadim Bashir – The Best and the Worst #17 – Important Advice for Husbands and Wives

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			Salam alaykum. Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Bismillah R Rahman Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen
wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah him Hamid water earlier, he was so happy he married about one of
the most beautiful things that we have learned from our deen and we see in our deen is the
implication and the application, actually of human rights? And what are the rights of everyone in
our community. And a few weeks ago, I talked about this. And you know, subhanAllah it's interesting
that no matter how much you talk about this, you keep on receiving requests from community members
from other people that please keep on talking about this is shocking that we talk about this all the
		

			time. Yet there are so many deficiencies, there are so many bad habits. And there are so many people
within families within a community members that whose rights are being neglected. Brothers and
sisters, I want to remind myself and everyone watching, that we will be questioned by Allah
subhanahu wata, Isla, about the situation and the position that we are in. If I am a person, for
example, if I am a father, I will be questioned about everyone who are under my supervision, I'll be
asked if I fulfill the rights of my wife, my children, and if I fulfill the rights of my relatives
and so forth, each one of us we're going to be questioned by ALLAH SubhanA wa taala. That did we
		

			fulfill the rights of other people. Unfortunately, unfortunately, the one thing that you and I today
we are focused on is not the rights of other people. We're focused on our own rights, that they do
not fulfill my rights, we have complaints against everyone. And the in the, the thing that we have
to understand is Allah subhanaw taala will not ask us on the Day of Judgment, that who did not
fulfill your rights, or will not ask us that, who are the people that you do not like? And who are
the people that you dislike, and who are the people that have hurt you? Or well, some haunted
already knows that. But the question that we will be asked on the day of judgment is that did we
		

			fulfill the rights of other people? Now Subhanallah today, you know, when I was coming for this talk
today, I came across a hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and it's very unfortunate
that people take one Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and they want to judge our
deen, they want to judge what our deen is based off of, and so forth. And then, you know, this is
where you have issues and this is where you have people coming up with their own movements. And then
people come in with their own ideology about Islam and so forth. For example, there's a Hadith of
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam wherein he talks about what is the what considers or what
		

			constitutes the best woman, okay, what constitutes the best woman, or the best wife, and the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he says that there are those that please you when you see them. So
meaning that he's talking about that when a husband goes home, and you see this woman, if she
pleases you mean that when you see her. And what that means is that a lot of times when we talk
about these kind of a hadith, unfortunately, our mind goes only into one direction. Whereas the
Prophet saw some is giving us a holistic picture. That means that if I go home, and if I see my
wife, or if you go home, and you see your wife, and there is and there's truly them wrong, then on
		

			her part, and that you see her, and it makes you upset, and because of the things that she she made,
she may do or she does around the house, and so forth. And also how those watching the situation to
it has to be something that actually she's doing something wrong. Now does she does she doesn't obey
you unnecessarily at all times. Because a lot of times men, they feel like that if I told my wife to
do something, there is no ifs and there are no buts and there is no compromise and there is no
conversation. She has to do that. And if I get upset that Allah is going to be upset with her, now
it does not necessarily work like that. There were cases even in the time of the Prophet sallallahu
		

			alayhi wa sallam, even in the family of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, where there were
times when he and his own wives, they were in a dialogue, they were in a discussion, he will say
something, they will say something back, it was not disrespect. There may have been some
disagreement here and there. And in fact, there are books, there are books I'm not making this up.
There are actual books
		

			that are written about the disagreements. And I came across one time a book written about only I
showed the hola Anna. And this was the only book written and documented about Aisha, the yellow
Dinah Bay talks about her disagreements with provinces, Salah, not disrespect, but disagreements. So
first of all, the hadith is the best woman are those that please you when you see them mean that
when you see them, if they bring you some comfort, a man is going through a tough time he comes
home, he sees his wife, his wife is able to console him, his wife is able to make him feel at ease
just like Khadija on the ultra on her did this, this is a sign that this is the best wife or the
		

			best woman. The problem is our son when he came back, he has just received why he is in a state of
distress, he has no idea what has happened. And Hadiya is consoling him that Allah will never do you
any wrong. You are a person who has you know upright morals, character, you care for other people,
you always put others before yourself, Allah will not do something like this to you. So this is her
consoling him. And this is once again bringing peace to him when her husband is in the state of
distress. Then the next thing the prophesy, someone says, Obey when you command. And once again,
this has to be taken in a very broad perspective, it cannot be taken very literally. Because today,
		

			brothers and sisters, we have this issue. A lot of times men are complaining that I snapped my
fingers in my wife has to enhance to obey. And we're talking about here, that if there's a situation
where there's just open disobedience, where a wife, she doesn't have any regard for the husband, and
any regard for what he wants, or what he has to say. And she just she continuously shows disrespect,
and she just openly disobey his disobedience in public disobedience at home. And she has absolutely
no regard than this is what the problem is referring to. Remember that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam, he is the best example for all of us, as husbands as fathers, that how he would conduct
		

			himself at home. Nonetheless, probably some he does say that obey when when, when commanded, meaning
that when the wife is ordered, and when she's told to do something, she does it. And so this
constitutes also as the best wife. And then the Prophet saw some says, and who and who safeguards
themselves and your money in your absence mean that safeguard, their honor, okay, they don't do
anything that is unacceptable in a marriage. And not only that, but they safeguard and they take
care of the money in the absence of the husband. So these are three things that the problem he has
mentioned that what constitutes as the best wife. Now, once again, in a situation like this, you're
		

			going to have some people in the community that are going to take this hadith in a very wrong way.
And not only that, but the commanded part obey when you're commanded. Once again, a lot of times I
have to be very blunt, and I have to be very frank here is that a lot of times, this just gets taken
the wrong way, in the you know, in the context of intimacy, that when you're commanded, you have to
remember brothers and sisters, the province of some is telling us one thing, and then the
application of that hadith we find in the life of Rasulullah sallallahu. Today, he was setting up,
and that is who we need to emulate. This is where we need to go. And we need to study his life to
		

			find out exactly how would he conduct himself at home. So this is why there are certain
expectations. The Prophet saw some has put in place for the wife, that these are things that you
have to work on. And at the same time, it's not as if the husband is off, you know, he's on the
loose, and there's no expectations from him. They're all the Salah, how are you, as Sam says, the
best of you are those who are the best to his wives or to their wives. And so this is also the
pelvis, some creating a balance, he tells that these are certain expectations from the wife. And
then these are the certain expectations from the husband to the best amongst you are those who are
		

			the best to their wives. And so think about this, as husbands, we have a certain responsibility. The
women, the wives, they have a certain responsibility. And the husbands they have a certain
responsibility. And if everyone, they worry about taking care of other people's rights, if their
wife says that I'm going to be there and look after my husband, and I'm going to take care of him,
and I'm going to console him and I'm going to be not just a physical support, but I'm going to be
there to morally support him also, or to emotionally support him when he needs my support. I'm going
to be there for him. That is what a wife does. And this is Subhanallah we find this in the Quran to
		

			that one Lavinia coluna Robina habla naman as well Gina was really yet in a Kurata i and this is a
dua that you and I we should all memorize and recite every single day. Allah subhanaw taala saying
		

			The true believers they make this dua and what is the essence of this dua A means that oh Allah give
me a family that will bring peace and happiness to me, meaning that when you go home, and when you
see your wife, when you see your children, then that is going to bring you some peace and some
comfort. Yes, I understand that, you know, a lot of times children can be difficult at times, when
you go home, you realize that, you know, there is a certain amount of hard work that is required at
home, taking care of the children and so forth. That's fine. I'm not I'm not talking about that. I'm
talking about that when you come home, you feel more depressed, okay? If you come home, and you feel
		

			more depressed, looking at your family, and there's a serious issue at home, and we have to fix
that. And this is what the profile is, I'm saying that when you see them, the best woman is that,
that when you see them, they bring happiness to you that they please you in the sense that when you
see them, you know, a person is saying, I'm at home, he feels good when he goes home, this is what
the province is talking about. And once again, for the husbands, the best amongst you is the best
who is the best for their wives. And once again, we know what does it mean to be the best to your
wife, and Allah subhanho wa Taala he mentioned this in the Quran, the certain expectations that are
		

			upon the husband, the expectations upon the wife, instead of sitting over here and saying, oh,
Islam, is this kind of religion? Or why is the problem saying these kinds of things? Once again, the
problem has, they he has mentioned something for everyone across the board, everyone has certain
responsibilities. Let's keep that in mind. If you are a wife, try to fulfill those responsibilities
upon you. If you're a husband, then fulfill those certain responsibilities that are upon you also,
and if everyone takes care of their responsibilities, inshallah we will not have too many family
conflicts like we see today in our Muslim society. I ask Allah subhana wa Tada to give all of us
		

			ability to outwell has been sent her to ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to bring peace and happiness to
our families. Those families are in a sea of conflict. May Allah subhanaw taala help them resolve
their issues in the best way possible and they'll bring happiness to their families are miserable I
mean Desikan will located As salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
		

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