Nadim Bashir – Responsibility before Marriage

			Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
		

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			Hello
		

			Missoula Rahmani Raheem in Al Hamdulillah Muhammad who when I started you know who when I started
fiddle when our older biller human showed already and fusina woman say Dr. Molina, Mia had a healer
who Philomel Lila Amin young little fella had he wanted to do Allah illallah wa who are the WHO lash
at ecollar wanted to do and Mohammed and Abu rasuluh about for the call Allah with the Bhagavata
Allah Quran Majeed for for con Hamid bada or the biller human a shaytaan shaytani R rajim Bismillahi
Rahmani Raheem. Yeah un as the Hora Comala the Halacha command nursing Wahida wahala command has o
Jaha. Oba Salman humare, Jalan cathedra, when he says, what type of La Hala Rita's Aluna we will our
		

			ham in the LA haka and Alexandra Viva la casa de Allah. Yeah, Johanna Deena Amnon topple la haka,
Ducati. What are the motor in LA and Tomas Simone
		

			la Carlota Isla yeah you hella Rena. I'm not Allah wa Pulu Conan said either you slept like on Arma
hola como fella come Zuber come on my daughter in law Havasu the Faculty Affairs fellows and all the
mess of the cola hula team. They struggle Hadith the Kitab Allah wa Heil, how do you how do you
Mohammed in Salah Allah
		

			While he was salam, wa salam Omoni more data to her Wakulla
		

			Wakulla be the art in Walla Walla Kula garden for now I'm about I began by praising Allah subhanho
wa Taala thanking Allah subhanho wa Taala and seeking the help of Allah subhanho wa Taala and we
begin by sending our salaams upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam We ask Allah subhanho wa
Taala to keep us steadfast upon and Dena Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam May Allah keep our
upcoming generations steadfast upon the Drina Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we ask Allah
subhana wa Taala that in the ark era May Allah make us the beneficiaries of the Shiva Muhammad
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and may Allah grant us in our families the companionship of Muhammad
		

			sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in Jana, I mean, Ramadan, Amin,
		

			brothers and sisters, for today's hotbar, I was thinking for a very long time what exactly to talk
about. And
		

			it came to my attention,
		

			as I kind of did last week, called by the second football, that there was a another hotbar that was
conducted by a sub module about the importance for parents not becoming obstacles and difficulties
for our, for our children to get married. And may Allah subhanaw Reward him that he explained that
what are the consequences of stopping and becoming obstacles for our kids in getting married. And we
are aware of that. But at the same time, we need to understand the entire picture. And what it was
Dad has given us is half the picture, because there's not frankly speaking, he only has half an
hour. And so today I want to cover the second half of this topic. And to help us realize that while
		

			yes, there are situations in this community, while there are people who come to me and they come to
the side, and we they tell us about the difficulties of getting married. In fact, there is an imam
who once said that today, getting getting married is even difficult than getting and paying off your
mortgage. In some cases, this is how difficult it has become in our society. But at the same time,
we have to understand that the parents are not the only problem in this situation, we find that our
youth are also a problem in this situation. But at the same time, the parents need to reach out and
they need to teach our children that what is the right way of approaching this entire subject. So
		

			imagine if there is a youngster who's ready to get married, who's ready to get married and keep this
word ready in mind, because I'm going to come back to this once they're ready to get married, and
then they find difficulties and obstacles, then you can always resort back to last week's hotbar.
But the idea that, but the question is, are they ready? Yes or no? That's the question. And this
process of getting ready is a long process. And that's where I want to talk about first, that we
need to get our youth ready first, before they can embark on this journey. So what is what is the
meaning of getting them ready? And how do we actually get our children ready for embarking on this
		

			journey of a lifetime? Number one is, as parents, we need to realize that the children will always
mirror the parents, whatever the parents are, that's exactly what our children are going to become.
Unfortunately, we have seen that while we are so much focused on the academic success of our
children, and the financial success, our our children, may times we neglect fixing and correcting
their flop. We forget teaching them the other important aspects of life. Yes, making them
financially sound, helping them becoming academic, academically successful is our responsibility.
But you will notice that as parents, we always focus only on that we always give them lectures, we
		

			always try to advise them. We always try to teach them but how many times have we actually sat down
with our children because we have seen something in the club or we've seen something regarding the
ACA where they're lacking in and we have sat down and we have focused and honed in only on that.
Very rarely do we do that? Imam Ghazali Allah Allah He mentioned this in his book where he talks
about the importance and how to raise children. He mentions that the children they follow their
parents and every single step of the way. And even if you look at the psychological growth
		

			have a child. They do things in the very early stages. In fact, it is a sign of a child's mental
strength and their mental ability that if they can imitate, that's a sign that they are healthy.
Likewise, the mom was already mentioned that when parents of when the child or when the children are
at a very young age, if the parents are doing the right things inside the family, they are
conducting themselves in the right way, then the children will eventually become like that. Now we
look at the life of a swosu Allahu Allah was some because that is the man that we're supposed to
follow. Look at the cannula comb fee Rasulillah. He asked what an Hasina the province Salam is the
		

			best example. We can give many examples. But the example always given by the province of Salem
topples all the other examples. So let's go to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and let's try
to see what do you do in his life? We know a story that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once
was sitting, and he's there sitting why's that he can address the needs of his community, the needs
of the Sahaba or the alotta on him. That's his time. That's his office hours basically, but found
him out of the Ultra and he walks in. And the person did not say that you know what? Leave right
now. Baba is busy. abou is busy right now, don't you understand? But Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa
		

			sallam, not only the he told Fatima to come close, but out of respect and out of mercy for his own
daughter. The province of Salem got up from his own place. Can you imagine our child walking into
our like home office, and we get up from our seat? Have we ever even done something like that? Get
out of our seats and go to our child and put them in the in the seat. The problem some took Fatima
by her hand and brought her all the way to the place where he was sitting, where he was sitting, and
he made her sit there. When we learn about the story of the man who came and urinate inside the
Masjid. Just like at times, you know, children are running around outside the masjid and adults are
		

			pulling their hair out. Like as if it's the end of the world.
		

			And the person sees that there is a man who's urinating inside the Masjid. Like this is probably the
most longest thing that you can do inside the masjid. And you get the progress on Sunday. I've never
yelled at that person. never scolded that person. Yet he even told the Sahaba let the man finish.
Let him take care of his business.
		

			And when he was done, then he came and did the problem, son, I'm told him very nicely, very gently,
that these are not the job of the machine. If you want to do something like this, you go somewhere
else. There's a place for that.
		

			What do we hear in the store when we hear the stories about the problem seven how he was so merciful
towards the guillotine, how he was so merciful toward his own family members. Does it ever occur to
us? That why was he so merciful? Was it just a one day he became a prophet and he became so
merciful? No. He was brought up in a family and he was brought up by people who were merciful
towards him. Since he was treated with mercy when he was a child, when he became an adult, he became
merciful towards others. And that's what we need to realize. Go back to the story of Talib. When
people when when in fact when children were coming, and they were sitting on the chair of
		

			Abdulmutallab, an adult and all these children were removed. And the other Muslim came one day and
he said, I'm okay with you moving all the children from my chair. But you don't dare ever say
anything to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa salam. Mohammed is the only child that is allowed to sit
in his grand seat, no one else is allowed to sit. When Muhammad wa sallam was was under the merciful
care of his grandfather, and then his uncle, and he grew up under this this atmosphere of mercy.
When he grew up, he became merciful. What if we want our children to become a certain way when they
become young men, when we want our children to become a certain way when they become young women,
		

			then we as parents, we need to create that atmosphere inside our homes first, we cannot expect
please understand this. We cannot expect that they will become exemplary characters, and they will
become exemplary members of their family if we're not going to prepare them and if they're not going
to see that in our in our families. If we are living in a family we're constantly there is yelling
		

			and screaming, and there is abuse taking place. Do you really think that our kids when they grow up
to be young men and young women, they're going to be absolutely fine. No, they are going to be
affected by their environment. So the very first thing in order to make them ready is that we as
parents, we need to set the right example for our children.
		

			The next thing is
		

			helping our youth and creating the right frame of mind for themselves.
		

			When we study, Sonoma County, even yovan, Sandy Bahati, you open to the other side of pain. What's
the very first Hadith as mentioned in there? In naman? Ahmad Winnie yet? We're in the early Kolibri
MANOVA. Is this hadith only about intention? No. If you read the commentary of the orlimar, they say
that this is much deeper than just intention. This is about creating the right frame of mind, before
I do a certain action, we ask ourselves this question that why am I doing this? What? What is the
objective of doing something like this? What am I going to get out of this? Why am I motivated to do
something like this? Let me give you a very, very easy example. Many of us we come for Salaat Why am
		

			I coming facade? Because I just have to come first a lot. Why am I coming for science? Because my
parents are pushing me to come for a lot. Why am I going for Assad because my wife is gonna knock at
home because I'm not going for solid. So if I'm coming to the masjid, just to pray slot, not to
fully understand what am I supposed to gain from Salaat? What are the rewards I'm gonna get from
slot? How is it gonna change my life, then we will come for slot, we will pray, Salam will go out
and there is no difference in our life. Because the intention was not there, the right frame of mind
was not there before we conducted our slot. And this is why the problem says in normal Amen. Before
		

			you do anything, create the right frame of mind. Because if you don't have that, you will lose the
objective. Now, let's try to bring this in the context of marriage.
		

			Many of our youth are told, and I've heard this so many times, that if you want to protect your
faith, if you want to protect our youth from committing Zina, get them married. That's it. While
that is in some, to some extent, it is correct. But in but overall, it is a wrong message that we
are sending to our youth. Because where we are sending the message that we are sending to our youth,
in essence is what the if you want to protect your chastity, then get married. So our children are
now thinking to themselves, if I want to protect if I want to protect my eemaan If I want to protect
my chastity, then I will get married. But then what happens after that? We don't realize that
		

			marriage is an agreement. It is a contract, like a contract between two people. It is a contract,
there is an agreement in place. And what we are supposed to do in that marriage has been dictated by
Allah and His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So this message that we are sending to our kids
is a very wrong message. Because for the adults over here, and the parents over here, you know, when
I say this, that when people when two people get married, that honeymoon phase that does exist in
the beginning of the marriage, that's gone after a certain period of time, that's gone. And then
what helps to people to be successful in this journey? It takes commitment, it takes dedication, it
		

			takes understanding. And there's a lot more things that come with that. So when we give our children
this idea that yes, go ahead and get married. You want to protect yourself, get married, that's not
what the Folsom said. He says yeah, mashallah Shabaab, man. Estaba Amin como Elba Tofail. Yet as a
watch, Mina, if you have these circumstances, if you have the things in the pieces in place, get
married,
		

			get married, but then he says for him yesterday for Our Lady, he was phone, that if you are not
ready, if you are not there where you need to be, then observe fasting, and it does not mean that
you have to observe only fasting, it means that you some use something that can help you stay away
from committing wrong, do something fasting is one of them. Fasting is one of them. But the concept
the idea the person was trying to tell us is that it does not mean that every person should have
this mindset. It's wrong that we're sending to our children
		

			or our children read
		

			You're not the Quran says a region you.
		

			Many of us we translate this as that they are dominant when he used the word in English dominance it
means that you are expressing your dominance over someone else.
		

			That means that you are exhibiting your power upon someone else, you are dominating someone else.
That's not the idea of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when you and I when we translate a
region
		

			that men are dominant over, then look at the life of the province has certain and once again, look
at the Kerala confy rasool Allah He also had an Hasina, he is the best example. So look, Allah look
at the life of the province of salaam Did he ever go through the entire Sierra from cover to cover?
		

			Did he ever put himself in a situation? Did he ever say anything from his tongue? Or did he do
something physically that sent a message to his wife? The Omaha don't mean that I am dominant over
you never, never? Did Roswaal some ever do something like that. So then how do we how can you and I?
How can you and I say that we have to be dominant? No. POA mode means that we are leaders of the
family. And when there is a leader of the family, what does it mean to be a leader, it means that
you understand things better, there is Hikmah in your approach. Do our kids have that or not? I've
had so many sisters who come to my office, and they say that our young men are not men anymore. Our
		

			young men are not men anymore. And to be honest, when I look at the youth, I do see that there is
some truth to that. I see that when our boys, you take a girl of our of the community, you take a
boy, the community, the both are 18 years old, I tell you honestly, you will find in many cases, not
in all cases. So please understand what I'm trying to say I'm not saying that this is this is at all
times. But in majority of cases, you will find the girls to be more mature than the boys, you will
find the girls to be more mature than the boys. What has happened to our young men. What has
happened when they are 18 years old, 20 years old. And they cannot take care of the basic things of
		

			life.
		

			They are not men, they don't behave like men. They can communicate like men. And once again, that
that is a responsibility and who needs to prepare them for that. That's not the job of the Imam.
That's not the job of the the organization. That's the job of the parents. We need to create our
young men into young men, we have to help them understand what is maturity mean, we have to help
them understand that when you get married, then what does it mean to resolve a conflict? What does
it mean to be understanding towards the other? What is it mean that to be patient and to be to be
composed when problems occur in the family, because we see that when there are problems in the
		

			family. If the if the wife she breaks down, she she breaks down, then usually in some cases, you'll
find the men breaking down to know the men need to be strong at that time. If the wife is crying,
and she has an emotional breakdown, that the man needs to step up, once again, we need to create our
young men into men, but we don't have that anymore.
		

			And the last thing I want to cover is responsibility.
		

			There was a woman who came to Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And she says that there are two
people who have proposed to me two people that have proposed to me, and he asked Who are those two
men? And he's and she said that one is a person by the name of Abu Jehan. And the other one, his
name is more are we not? Not the mafia. The senator was another Malia. And the problem said that you
know what, this man Abu Jahan, he's always traveling. He's always traveling, he's not going to be
there for you. I would advise you don't get married to him. Because if he's traveling, he's not
going to be there for you. And a husband and wife, they need each other's companionship, you're
		

			going to lose the objective. So don't get married to him. As far as, as far as morewhy is concerned,
that don't get married to him because right now he's in the state of poverty. He's in the state of
poverty. What is the policy I'm trying to send here? What message the policy I'm trying to set and
send here that the man has to be responsible for his family. I understand that parents are stepping
up nowadays and they're saying that yes, it's fine. My child in order to protect him and protect his
chastity. I will go
		

			Head, let them get married, they can live with me. Once again, it's a wrong message that we're
sending to our kids. We need to help our kids understand that they need to become responsible in
life. Let me tell you of a youngster
		

			who was responsible in his life. Think about if I were to tell you that there is a young man, a
young man who was a shepherd. Now you know what it means to be a shepherd. It means you're dealing
with animals, your threshold of patience is not only here, it has to be here.
		

			Now only that you can talk and you can communicate with humans, you can communicate with animals. So
imagine a young man, probably 1617 years old, he's a shepherd. That means that he's waking up early
in the morning. And he's been with the animals, he's taking care of them. And now once there was a
complain that you're when your work ethic is lagging, or you're not doing the right job. And then
this young man, when he's 2324 years old, he begins to travel for business, not locally,
internationally. Have you ever heard of a youngster, a young man nowadays, 2324 years old, who is
travel who's traveling for business internationally, and not only that, but they are successful in
		

			their business, they're making a profit, they are trustworthy in their business. You know who this
youngster is? Is Muhammad Sal, Allahu Allah? He was.
		

			Can you imagine today we look at the life of the possibilities, we always say, Oh, he was just about
religion. You were just about religion. No, there prophesied, Saddam has sent a very strong message
that when you before you get married, you have to be responsible in your life. We need to make our
children responsible in their life. Today, we are giving and we are handing everything to our kids.
And even when I've said on the hotbar, or when I've said At other times, that give responsibilities
to your children, let them earn the money, let them pay for some of their basic bills, like their
phone bill and so forth.
		

			Then parents have put upon them some small, small responsibilities, take out the garbage $20 Why
would you give $20 in the first place, just for taking out the garbage make it more difficult for
them, make it more difficult for them, make our kids into men next time they get a flat tire, let
them change it for themselves. Show up there. No problem showing up there. You guys show your
parenthood, you're going over there, you're supervising you're looking at them, but let them change
that tire. Because that will teach them a lesson for the future. When our kids are 18 years old, 17
years old, and you ask them, What do you want to become down the road? I don't know.
		

			This is why some of you said I don't know. Well, of course, I mean, come on, you must have some
idea. Nope, I don't have any idea.
		

			This is our young men. So before they can even get to the point where they are, they can move
forward, we have to make them ready. Once again, make them ready is our as parents, we need to set
the right examples and our families. Number two is we need to help them understand and create the
right frame of mind before they get married. Help them understand what exactly marriage is all
about, is not just about fulfilling your human earthly desires. There's a lot more to marriage than
just that to help them become mature. And finally how to understand to become responsible if they
are studying. Let them finish their studies. In some cases, yes, because there is a fear if you want
		

			to even go and get their Nikka done. Not they're not when they are living with each other just the
key taba or the Nica the the marriage ceremony, that's absolutely fine because that in itself that
in itself would make it allowed or make it halal for them to even communicate. Today people are
getting engaged, and they're talking to each other like they are a husband and wife. This is haram.
This is not right. Just because you're engaged does not mean that everything before marriage becomes
allowed for you till the Kitab or till the Nikka ceremony takes place. So if we want to protect our
kids, yes, you can probably get their Nikka done, but at the same time, they're not living with each
		

			other. Let them get on to their two feet. And then once they're ready, once they're ready, then we
can help them we can help them embark on this journey. I asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to give all
this ability to everyone who has been sent hurt. I asked Allah subhanho wa Taala that for all of our
young brothers, may Allah subhanaw taala help them find suitable sisters and for all of our sisters
in the community, our single sisters May Allah subhanaw taala help them find suitable husbands and
ask ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala in our families, may Allah give all this ability to fulfill each other's
rights. May Allah subhana wa
		

			Allah give the give the husband to fulfill the rights of the wife, the wife to fulfill the rights of
the husband and the parents. May Allah give the parents the ability to fulfill the rights of the
children and may Allah give the understanding, give a proper understanding to our children on how to
fulfill the rights of the parents and ask Allah subhanaw taala in all of our families may Allah May
Allah send His peace and blessings in each family. May Allah Subhana Allah remove the conflicts and
the issues in our family. May Allah subhanaw taala once again put peace in our families I mean
Ramadan I mean medical alone and I welcome him when I find out why he accommodated with the Hakeem
		

			and stuff Allah How are you welcome well inside Mr. Manifest Alfredo in a hula for writing
		

			Mr Lai Rahman Rahim in Alhamdulillah Mohammed who want to stay in the home that stuff you know when
I was with him initially and phocoena Amin sejati Medina mean you had the left la medulla Humann.
You will follow her the Allah wants to Allah it alojado Dasha Iike wants to do I know Muhammad and I
will do what a su I'm about. Forgot to call a lot about a Kota Allah for karate mochila for Quan
Hamid God that was human chiffon rajim Bismillah Rohan Rahim in the Lahore Malayaka, who use on an
island OB unit in Salalah. He was sitting with the steamer alarm Salah Mohammed wala Ali Mohammed
Ibrahim Laila Ali Ibrahim in Academy the Majid or barik ala Muhammad wa ala Ali Mohammed, come out
		

			of the lab Rahim Allah al Ibrahim and Nick Hamina Majeed along muscle is someone who's demean
Allahumma Islam on misdemeanor frequently makan, Allahu Allah Mahalo. Fauna Wahhabi, that was the
whole arena was female Varna. Why a female Madonna? What Hamilton I will put the ad in a local
Lehigh while cyminum and coalition wife of Nam Incoloy Aloha moccasin and I'm in hushed Attica Mata
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Omiya Kinema Tovino pra Nana Saliba dunya on maternal vs Marina was slowly now local were Tina Hey
Tina was a little worrisome in which I started on island and voila Mina one sadhana Allah Maha Donna
		

			what are the Dynamo see, but then I feed in whatever Jalandoni Atwater Hamina Walla Walla in anonimo
Sedona rattle solitaire Elena Mala Homina Allahumma in NS look at my nephew, while I'm alone with a
cappella what is Anwar see? What is unwise worship colada worship Amin colada, Aloha My nana will be
coming Himalayan fat I'm gonna call Belinda Yaksha Amina ciliata Shiva women do in LA used to jab
ominto Illa used to jab Amin OB Alameen in Allah Hi I'm gonna be the other way accent where Ito went
hard for che Omen Cleverbot Yamuna Allah the Quran first groaning calm was Cooley with a phone
optimised salah.
		

			Strain lines fill in the gaps
		

			you brothers in the back to rooms please make sure that the front hall is complete.
		

			To the sisters please make sure that the rows are straight. If you see any empty gaps please fill
those gaps
		

			the back
		

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Gordon Gomez useless.
		

			A lucky
		

			lucky bone
		

			Hello streamlines from the gifts he has online please make sure cell phones are off
		

			along with phone
		

			Alhamdulillah Hamdulillah he Robben Island me and a rock Manuel Rafi me Maliki yo me D and E ek and
now I will do what you can isteri
		

			And in a pseudo calling Mustafi sir all call levena and now I'm telling him why he didn't know who
we are lay him one more
		

			what do you have a lady either said,
		

			Rob Buka wema Paula what lf you know to how you like Amina al Ghul water Sophia, you're the caribou
Kapha Tarago LM Yejide Acharya team
		

			wha wha Wah
		

			wah wah Jeddah Isla
		

			Melia tema
		

			what I must say
		

			then how what I'm Mabini Amati Rob beaker Fahad this Allahu.
		

			Semi Allahu Neeman Hamidah
		

			Aloha
		

			Aloha
		

			Aloha kaboom
		

			autobahn
		

			and hamdulillah Europe Rabbil Alameen our manual Rafi Mia Maliki oh well, MIDI and ear caribou do
what he can isteri and a dinner set off on the Mustafi so for Lolita and now I'm to Isley him while
he didn't do VRD him one up on the
		

			I'm not sure Holika soda rock well we're gonna go with the rock a lady called over her rock wore off
		

			the garage for in porosity you saw on in I lost the Yusor or fader for over the phone. Sober Rob
Vika
		

			Allahu Akbar
		

			Sabina Allahu anyone Hamidah
		

			a law like a boom
		

			Allahu Akbar
		

			Allah
		

			Oh, oh what's wrong
		

			a seller more equal more of
		

			a seller more equal more of metal on
		

			stock
		

			Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
		

			Came on the team. Very informative.