Nadim Bashir – Family Issues #01 – Family vs Islamic Activism

			So as you have noticed that for the beginning of Ramadan, I've been going from Surah to Sudha. We
talked about sort of Bukhara than sort of Alia Milan suta, Nisa. Naturally Speaking, I should go to
the next Surah, which is sort of my EDA, but today inshallah I want to take sort of a detour. And I
want to talk about another important issue that is, once again, really taking place in our
community. And I feel like that it's very important that we have to talk about these kinds of
things, because that's the only way we will be educated about these particular matters, that are
really affecting our families. Before I get into the topic of my discussion, I'm going to share with
		

			you three different stories from the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And once again,
you've heard these stories before but once again, it's a reminder for all of us, the very first one
is a story of a Buddha or the Allah one. So it is mentioned by a Buddha Haifa will have even
Abdullah the Allah one he says that when the Prophet sallallahu it was some came to Medina, he
established brotherhood between the Sahaba or the Allah on home. So he made pairs. And between these
pairs, they will look after each other they would visit each other and they would pretty much look
after what each other. So it's mentioned that Salman came to visit his brother widows out of the
		

			hola Juan, he saw the wife of a Buddha and she was as the book hadith of Hadith mentions, or the
Hadith mentions that she was disheveled. And so he asked that, why are you like this? Where is a
Buddha? So she says that a Buddha has lost all kinds of interest regarding this world. So throughout
the day, he is fasting at night, he is praying Salam, he has no time for me. He has no time for
anyone else. And he's just dedicated himself to anybody all day long. So Salman, basically what he
did was that he came in he began to live he just lived one day, he stayed with a Buddha for one day,
when when he made food, so during the daytime, he came to a Buddha. He made food and he said that or
		

			a Buddha made food for him as being the host. And he says, Here you go, you eat. He says, why won't
you eat with me? I'm the guest. This is a man saying. So he says that I'm fasting goes no, you're
gonna break your fast and you're gonna eat with me. So a Buddha that broke his fast and he began to
eat with Sandman. When the night came, he says that I'm going to stand up from the beginning of the
night and I'm going to dedicate myself all night long. Sandman said no, you're gonna go to sleep, go
to sleep. And we'll see we'll see later on. After a while. Again, a Buddha tried to get up he says
no, go back to sleep. You need to give your body rest. You need to spend time with your family. Then
		

			he says again the later on into the night probably the last part of the night. Again then would that
try to get up Salman said okay, fine, get up they both prayed together. And then he said the very
well known saying he says that that in the Rebecca alayka happen what enough Sika Artega Hogben what
he had he got a kaha can fall equally we happen haka that your Rob has a right upon you mean that
you have certain responsibilities to Allah subhanho wa taala. But at the same time, he says your
soul and yourself you have a right upon yourself and your family has a right upon you. And then he
says Give everyone their due rights. Later on Sandman came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
		

			sallam, and he informed him of what he told a Buddha he just wanted confirmation from Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that he approached this matter the right way. And the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam he says Tada Salman Salman has spoken the truth. So from this one Hadith we've we
learned that when it comes to our a bar that we have certain anybody that that they are, there is no
compromise in Salah there is no compromise in but when it comes to everything else, any additional
prayer and so forth, we have to do them in moderation. The next story quickly, what happened to
Australia with the iPhone or the Allahu, at the time of the Battle of better. We all know the Battle
		

			of Baghdad was one of the most illustrious battles in the history of Islam, and it took place in the
month of Ramadan. And the Sahaba of the Allahu Anhu. This is the very first time now they're able to
go and fight against the orange. And if you stay the seal of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam, while they were in Makkah, there was no there was no military conflict between them. And the
police. They had to remain under persecution, religious persecution, and they had to endure that
religious persecution with patience. So now they're in Medina, now they're starting to feel like you
know what, now we can stand on our feet, and let's fight back and let's retaliate if they come to
		

			us. So they met they met in the Battle of Baghdad. So every single Sahaba is thinking I want to be
part of this of this of this battle. And by the way, if you study the ranks of the Sahaba of the
Allahu anhu, the buddy Yun, those who attended the Battle of Baghdad, they have a very special MACOM
in status compared to the other Sahaba but you have to understand that the Prophet said
		

			Allahu Allah he was sending him he's trying to establish the importance of balance. The importance
of family, and he's telling his own son in law are smelly, but not a fan of the Allah and that no
matter how important this battle is, that your wife is sick, I mean, the daughter of the Prophet SAW
Allah while he will send him, your wife is sick and you need to stay at home and take care of her.
And we learned that even from the other like even after the death of the Prophet sal Allahu Allah,
He will send them we know another story of always only that he had a mother and he used to take care
of his mother, but he understood that I could go and visit us hula sallahu it was Cena who would not
		

			want to go and visit us was Allahu alayhi wa sallam. Think about it. If you and I knew that Roswell
Salem is there, of course every single person would want to go and visit but he gave up his
sacrifice his visit with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam because of his priorities. At that
time, his priority was to look after his mother because there is no one looking after her. The point
is, there has to be a certain level of balance. We also learned that incident from sutra for Gerards
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is spending time with his family. If you say the entire 24
hour day of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam after fajr he will give time to the sahaba.
		

			During the daytime he will give time to his community. After Laura you will give time to the
emissaries, delegations that will come from outside of Medina after us and He will give time he will
have general time for everyone else he would go out and visit and meet all his family members and
his wives and so forth. After modeling that was a time when he would spend time with his family
after Aisha by the way we don't find from the seed of the prophets of salaam that he will stay out
for long hours after Isha he will go to see very quickly and then he will wake up late. So after
Modi This is a time when he was spending time with his family. And Allah subhanho wa Taala
		

			highlights his story in the Quran by saying in the Lavina Yuna do Nakamura jurati et cetera Himalaya
alone there were some Bedouins that came outside the house of the Prophet SAW while while he was
sending them and they said that yeah, Mohammed occlude Elena like Mohammed come outside we have some
questions. First of all, we understand how the better ones were that time. Allah is telling them
that you be patient well unknown someone who had to attack Raja ma him like kind of hate Allah whom
they are to be patient. Yes, Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is the prophet for the entire
mankind. Yes, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is there to serve them? Yes, Rasulullah saw is
		

			there to answer their questions. But when Rasul allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is with his
family, it does not matter what other religious obligations do exist. If they're not considered
mandatory, then they can wait. They can wait. Now, what am I trying to get from all this? What we're
starting to see and what what I'm hearing from the community members is that there's a there's a
lack of balance in the families. A lot of times let me give you a scenario. Scenario number one is
		

			that
		

			a husband goes out. Why? Because he's very passionate for the hour. He goes out and his family is
left behind. And his family is left behind, left behind left behind. And no one is there to look out
for them. He has not made arrangements he has not done he has not done anything. To set himself up
for success or he's not done anything to set his family up for success. And he's just left them and
he's gone out. Kids are sick at home, he's still gone out whether it's for days or even for hours.
Once again what we learned from us wasa law while he was set up is that the family comes first. Dawa
can remain that hour can can you know Wait, other people can do the Dawa. You can go the husband can
		

			go anytime anywhere else and do all the volunteering he wants anywhere else. But the family takes
precedence first. Likewise, even for the sisters, and I want the sisters to listen to this very
carefully. Because I hear often hear often husbands also saying that the wife is not there to take
care of the domestic responsibilities. The wife is not there to take care of the domestic
responsibilities. They are the responsibilities of the children, the responses the house, and they
are the rights of the husband also, whether it's, you know, the emotional needs of the husband, the
physical needs of the husband, whatever it is, but there are rights of the husband. So often what
		

			we're hearing is that even a lot of times women would go outside all day long. They're dedicating
themselves here Dawa, their Dawa, this charity organization that charity organization. Husbands are
off to work throughout the day. They are dedicated themselves, they're making the best use of their
time. It is the best use of their time, but not this one is very carefully, not at the expense of
the rights of your family. Not at the expense of the right of your family. If you are a sister if
you're going out and your spouse
		

			Your time all day long dedicating yourself and you but you are tired and you come you come home in
the evening, and you're not able to give time to your family, you're not able to give time to the
responsibilities, the domestic responsibilities of the house, you're not able to give time to your
husband and so forth, then this is a travesty, this is a crime. First comes the family, then comes
everyone, everything else then comes down, then comes volunteering, even to the point that I will
say this very clearly, even though as the Imam of the masjid, I will tell you that, yes, we need so
many volunteers and so forth. But at the same time family comes even before volunteering, family
		

			comes before even volunteering. Let me give you another scenario. Because this also came up husband
is out for the entire week for work. Now that he has come back, he only has two days in town. But
now he comes. And the wife is saying, I need to go out I need to go to the masjid, I need to go here
there. This is the month of Ramadan, I need to go out and do some do some do some work. Now at this
time, the husband is only home for two days during the week. It is the right is a responsibility of
the wife that she stays and she B's there with her husband. If the husband is going out to earn a
living, to put food on the table to provide a roof over his family's head. Then when he comes home
		

			for two days during the week, at that time, the wife is supposed to be going out if the house if the
husband says no problem you can go out that's a different case. But what we're hearing is I'm
hearing stories that the wife is going out. And the husband is getting so upset that he says you
know what, you go to the masjid I don't even want to go to the masjid. It's almost as if the husband
is taking out the anger of his wife neglecting him on who on the masjid on the house of Allah
subhanho wa Taala once again, there has to be a balance, there has to be a balance that is not
taking place within our families today. Also, the same thing applies that,
		

			you know, Subhan Allah has, when it comes to family time, there has to be some time in the day where
there's always time for the family to get together, talk to each other, you know, converse with each
other, and so forth. Now you hear stories within our community. And once again, I've been getting a
lot of you know, I just don't get one phone call. And I come here and I talked about this is a
series of phone calls, I hear this over and over again. And I then feel compelled, I have to go and
talk about this and address this. And whether people are here or later on, they can see this video
later on. But once again, it's something that has to be addressed. And the and the problem is that
		

			sometimes there are some overly eager parents, they love their children no doubt, they want their
children to learn no doubt. But what they do is that they go home. And all day long. There is Quran
being played on the TV, or there is some lectures or being played on the TV. And some videos from
any masjid or any, you know, personnel scholar and so forth. And 24/7 is going on. And the family
members now feel that we don't get time to converse with each other. Sometimes it's the husband,
sometimes it's the wife. But what they're doing is that they're saying that we're doing this for the
kids, we want to we want to play these videos all day long in the house so that the kids can listen,
		

			no doubt. But there has to be once again a balance, there has to be a balance. There is some part of
the day where the videos are not playing, give the videos a break, give the lectures a break, sit
down as a family talk to each other, as a family, converse with each other talk about what's going
on in their life. Talk about eating challenges are taking place, because one reality I'll tell you
what lovey is that when I see kids, you know when you see kids who come from very religious
families, and now they want nothing to do with religion. I've seen those kinds of kids. I've seen
those kinds of teenagers. And if you stay their life, what they saw, and the reason why they have
		

			such a resentment towards religion is because they never got that love from their parents. Their
parents were so overly religious at times, that they were not giving their own kids time. Their
parents were doing everything else all the Dawa, all the you know, helping charitable organizations
and so forth. They will always outside the house that they will never there to give time to their
children. And so now the children do not blaming their parents for this lack of attention. They're
blaming, what they're blaming the religion. They're blaming the Quran, they're blaming us for
another province of Salem. And now when they grow up, the parents are saying, we come from very
		

			religious background. We always have religious work. Why is our children now resenting deen is
because you created that environment. You never gave them the attention. When they came home there
was always electric being played. Sometimes the kids even they get tired of the lectures over and
over again. So this is why brothers and sisters, there has to be a balance, give time to each other.
The Majid comes I'm telling you, honestly, you
		

			The magic comes after volunteering at the masjid comes after. You cannot volunteer at the masjid or
anywhere else at the expense of your family at the expense of the rights of your family members,
your family comes first, your children come first, your wife comes first. And your husband also
comes first. And if we keep this in mind, this is in line with the spirit of Rasulullah sallallahu
our use of the property is something that give time to his family and neglect all his other
responsibilities. And there was a time of the day that when he is with his family, and now they're
coming in they're saying Muhammad come outside so Salam, Allah is telling us no, he's with his
		

			family. Now you wait, it's your time to wait. So this is why these are the things that we learn from
our deen We ask Allah subhana wa Taala to give us their feet to understand these kinds of matters.
May Allah subhana wa Taala give us the ability to establish a balance in our life and middle ground
I mean what does that gonna love? Hey, I said I'm on the law here but I'll catch up
		

			in mostly me now honestly man do you want meaning I will move me 91 quantity now look on it. He was
slowed in pain I was sliding on the one slot Islamiat ino Slavia rod Do you want to follow Sherry
You know
		

			what voice hearing I want to call she is the one downside BP now one downside the party was all me
now was or
		

			what have you Lena photo gentleman one Hatfield law D was that good enough? Guess
		

			what the guilt or? I don't know who
		

			what Eileen