Nadim Bashir – Etiquettes #06 Giving Gifts

			Today in sha Allah, as you know, on Monday nights, we were talking about dubbing in mannerisms and
etiquettes. In the last few weeks, we've been talking about some other topics I was on here last
week I was sick. Today Inshallah, I want to talk about a topic, that is something that has been
requested for me to talk about. It's not something that's very long, but nonetheless, there are some
etiquettes. And there are some manners regarding this subject matter. And that is gift giving, you
know, when it comes to giving gifts to each other, there are some certain manners that are required
of the person who's giving the gift. And not only that, but the person who is accepting the gift.
		

			And the point is that the reason why we're covering these, and these etiquettes is so that we can as
adults, first of all, we apply them in our life, and then our children will see us and they will
also learn these mannerisms. As Imam Ghazali Rahmatullah Yatta he says that one of the most
important ways to teach your children are the most effective ways to teach your children is by doing
it yourself. So if our children see over and over again, the My father is behaving, or he's
conducting himself in this way, my mother is conducting herself in this way, though they may make
mistakes, that's, that's fine their children at the end of the day, but it's our job to educate
		

			them. This is where I think the biggest problem is that we, as parents, many of us, we may have
learned etiquettes and adapt overseas, when when we see our kids doing something that is wrong, a
lot of times we won't even correct them. So today, Inshallah, let's go through some of the
etiquettes when it comes to giving a gift. First of all, is the one of the most important things is
when you give a gift, you have to give it with the utmost amount of sincerity. That means that often
when we give gifts to others, we're not sincere why because I may be giving something to someone,
but then I'm expecting something in return from them. You're saying, if that is what was in our
		

			mind, then we're not sincere when it comes to giving a hadiya or giving a gift to someone. And this
is something that we learned from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam never would he gives
something because he expected something in return. And by the way, this idea of giving with the
intention of receiving something, even in the Quran, it is mentioned though it is mentioned in the
capacity of a sadaqa. When Allah talks about giving sadaqa giving charity, Allah mentioned that you
cannot give a charity with the intention of expecting something in return, or you're giving a
charity because you want something in return from that person. That is not what it is. So that's why
		

			when it comes to giving a gift, you have to be absolutely sincere. Number two, when it comes to
giving a gift, you try to give the gift in privacy as much as you can, okay, it's not appropriate.
Now, if someone is sitting in public, and they're showing their gifts in public, and they want and
everyone is coming and giving their gift in public, that's a different case. But generally speaking,
what Allah might say is that when you give a gift, try to give it in privacy. Okay, once again, it
does show once again your sincerity going in front of everyone.
		

			Here you go. Okay, that's not sincere. Okay. Number three,
		

			no one. No one should be directly or indirectly be criticized for not bringing a gift or, or giving
a gift. Imagine the host standing in front of everyone desired Kamala, hi to all of you who gave me
a gift. Now, there might be one or two people who did not give a gift, okay. And they feel
criticized, they feel, you know, they feel embarrassed and so forth. Because the person who did not
bring anything they know did not bring anything, but the whole standing there. He's like, does that
come about hey, to all of you for bringing for bringing me a gift. And the host probably knows also
that every single person who came inside the door, they gave me something, and this one person, you
		

			know, is Snickers Nithya. You know, okay, so this person did not give me anything. So they're going
to try to make you try to try to make that one person feel bad. A host should never do this to
anyone who's considered as a gift as a guest. Number four. Okay, wherever you're going, if you're
asked to bring something as a gift, be mindful of where you're going. Very, a very common example.
Okay? Whenever you see those wedding cards, you don't when they say no bucks gifts, it means you
bring only one thing, okay? That's what it means. Okay? No bucks gifts means you bring only one
thing and that should be in green color, which is cash. Okay, that's all you bring. So if there's a
		

			certain demand, you try to meet that demand. Number five.
		

			If the hosts
		

			do not present, okay, this is something very important.
		

			You cannot give a gift to someone and then make a request on the spot. Okay. It puts
		

			A person a very difficult situation. Okay, someone comes to the Imam sure I brought a gift for you.
		

			Can I open up a gas station please? Okay. With you know, with Shut up, okay, I'm giving you a gift
you know. So you cannot give a gift to someone. And then as something in return it once again, it
does not show your sincerity, you give a gift, give it sincere. And if you have any questions, okay,
if you have any questions or any requests from that person, you ask some other time it is not
appropriate to give a gift and then make a request in return, then number, the next one,
		

			always make sure that the gift should not be a high value that the person feels, you know, feels the
need that I need to return that much amount. So you give us you go someone, you go to someone and
you give them a very expensive gift. Now that person in return, he's going to feel that I have to
give this person something of equal value or something close to this and value to this person again,
as a gift. So once again, do not do this a puts unnecessary pressure on anyone else. Okay, so this
is something that we have to always keep in mind, give it based on what is common, what is easy in
the community in the society. Next, this is something that's very important.
		

			If someone returns the gift, like you know, you go up, you go to a person say, Please take this as a
gift and they you know, they return it to you. You may insist once, okay, but if they if they just
say no, please, you know, I don't I don't want this and so forth. Now a lot of times, look, be
straight about this, okay, and let's be straight about this. If you if someone is giving you my
policy is you take it, okay? Now the person says, no, no, no, I don't want it. I don't want it. But
deep down inside, it's like people just you offer and I'll keep on saying no. And then at the end I
was like, okay, okay, so if you if you just wanted take it from from before a person's giving it out
		

			of their heart, just take it this idea of going back and forth is just it doesn't make any sense to
me. None whatsoever. Next, Do not remind the person that you gave them a gift over and over again.
Okay, you see them after one week? Oh, how's that gift you know, I gave you much like gift words
that gift you know, you remind them over and over again of that gift. This is also inappropriate.
Next, if someone gives you a gift to hand over to someone else, you should not wait in giving that
gift to them. You understand? Someone came me cuz someone came and give me something to give to
someone I need. It's my responsibility to hand that gift over to the next person that because that
		

			gift is in my possession is considered as an Amana. Okay? It's considered as an Amana? No. There for
the recipient. For the recipient, there are a few things that we have to keep in mind. Number one is
never be judgmental about the gift. Okay? The person leaves right away, go on Amazon, how much is
this gift, okay, oh, I gave this person last time a $50 gift. And he gave me a $10 gift. La hawla
wala Quwata illa urines. And it is not right, it only creates animosity in your heart to go behind
someone after they have left and going and checking the price, and so forth. This is not appropriate
at all. Another thing that's also by the way, a gentleman came to me and he shared this with me very
		

			literally, he said that I went to someone's house, I gave them a gift.
		

			And I found out later on, that that gift was returned back and the person kept the money you're
inside the gift was returned, he said so he said, I went I took that gift with my heart to that
person, only to find out the later on he turned around and he returned it. So he says that did that
person as the host Did he do something that is correct. And I said that the host what he should have
done is that if he wanted to return the item, first of all, if he has an abundance of it, and he
does not need it at all, he wants to return it. First of all, he should let you know that if there
is any way for you to find out that he has returned it and your heart can be hurt, then he should
		

			let you know in advance or he should have returned it in such a way that he does, you know that you
don't find out basically but to to return an item. And this person he's Wallah, he was so hurt. He
said I took it with my heart and this person just turned around and he and he returned it back to
Amazon or wherever it was. So this is something that is not appropriate. Also, it is important that
		

			that when you give like for example, if someone comes and gives you food, for example, Ramadan is
coming, a lot of people come may come to your home give you so much food and you have so much food
sitting at home. And that case they give it with their heart but at the same time, you know, there
are so many hungry people, if you give them and you distribute it. There is no there's no harm on
that because you're trying to protect the food, making sure that those people
		

			Who who are in need, they are given this is something that we learned from the Prophet sallallahu,
it was set up all the time, whenever he was given food as a gift, he will not eat it often, he would
always distribute it. So this is something that we learned that this is absolutely permissible.
Also, when it comes to do not tell others about the gifts that you have gotten, you have received,
imagine there are two very close friends. And you told one of them that this person gave me a gift,
let's just say one of them did not get a gift from the other is going to put some kind of malice in
their heart, some kind of hatred, that I'm so close friends with this person, and he gave that
		

			person a gift, but he not give me a gift Jarocin. So a lot of times, it's better not to share what
you have received from others, with others, also is very important that when people come and give a
gift, okay? Especially I've seen children doing this, okay, you know, especially when they come and
give food at the door, you know, the kids that will come open, you know, they will take the food,
the appropriate way is you take the food and you teach the children this, take the food go and put
it inside the kitchen, then you see what's inside, okay? The kids, a lot of times, they'll just be
standing at the door, and they'll look inside the battery like this, or sub zero, okay? So that's
		

			why, you know, it's, you know, this is something that happens. And not only that, but when even when
guests come to the home, and they bring a gift, I saw a kid one time he opened up gift bag, he goes,
Oh, this sucks. Okay, right in front of everyone. Okay, so that's why our kids are sometimes too
blunt about these kinds of things, we have to teach them that when someone gives a gift, you put it
in the corner, you will look at it after everyone leaves, there's no need to look inside the bag. If
someone is coming in dropping food at the door, you take the food, put it inside the kitchen, then
you can do whatever you want with the food afterwards, but not at the door, you know, they'll start
		

			looking inside the bag and start critiquing the food. So these are just few things, you know, once
again, when it comes to giving a gift, or receiving a gift, okay, that we have to keep in mind. And
once again, the most important thing is we need to teach our children the add up our children once
again growing up here, many of you sitting over here right now, you learn to adapt or die was taught
to you when you were overseas. Before you probably came here. You were taught this up. But our kids
today, they don't have this understanding of Durban. etiquettes and mannerisms. We need to teach
them these things in sha Allah. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant all of us the other. Yes, you have
		

			a question? Yes.
		

			Segun
		

			gift registry. So like in like, for weddings and so forth. So I mean, once again, if there is a
system that they want you to go in, go over there and give a gift. That's absolutely fine unison.
But once again, here's what I would say about that. Sometimes there's just too many demands that you
have to go in, buy something that is probably 100 200 $300 You do whatever you can, and once again,
the person if they can even see who gave the gift, okay, then they should not be judgmental that
they only gave me I'm getting when it's my wedding, and you only give me $50 You're innocent. So
they should not be judgmental at the same time you give whatever you can from the best that you can
		

			and you make dua for them in sha Allah and that is it.
		

			Yes.
		

			Yes.
		

			Okay, so that's a good question. This happens a lot that you give it you get a gift, you just
collect all the gifts and so forth. And whenever the time comes to give it to someone else, if you
want to do that, that's fine. That's absolutely fine. Because you have accepted it you did not just
go into sell it off and so forth. But you you kept it the only thing you have to be very careful
about when it comes to something like that is if you God forbid, take that same gift and give them
back and you don't even remember you see the problem is that they're gonna be like I gave this
person a gift he gave he turned around and gave me the same gift back then, so you have to be
		

			careful about it, you know, but you can't you can do that it's fine. Once again the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam whenever he received a gift a lot of times you might give it to someone
else you will share it with someone else too. That's absolutely fine inshallah any other questions
regarding this? And if you want to know what gifts I like I can tell you shall not just okay they're
not gonna hate us and I'm already gonna dive right
		

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because she
		

			wasn't for Shireen. I was polishing I think one downside the lino one downside the party was already
		

			AMI now was all in
		

			one heavy Lina photo gentleman one half of what it was that good enough, I guess
		

			was the guilt or I don't know hula hoop
		

			what Eileen