Nadim Bashir – Etiquettes #07 Respect And Manners Towards Parents

			As I said last week that inshallah today we'll be talking about the importance of respecting
parents, and what is the job and the etiquettes, and the manners that we need to apply when it comes
to our parents. And this is something that we have to teach our children. And I advise everyone,
that if your children are not here today, make sure you show them this later on, and you are as a
parent, you need to advise them and teach them that these are the respect that needs they need to
show to the parents. And not only that, but this is the adab in the etiquettes, that we must show to
parents, as it is right now in America, to be truly honest, if you think about a community, what
		

			makes a community what makes it community is many families, you think about the epic community, what
makes this community so many families moving here to this area to this community. Therefore, the
what the society has done is that they have realized, in order to break the community apart, let's
focus on the smaller things. Let's break the family. Let's break the family unit, let's interfere in
the families. And not only that, but let's try to create within the children, this understanding
that their parents are not so important. They understand more than their parents understand. I know
better than my own parents understand. I know more than them and so forth. So what the society has
		

			done is that through television, through social media, they have made sure to put it in the minds of
our children. That family is not important. They're, they're breaking apart the family unit. And not
only that, but they're teaching the children. Your parents are not important. You do not have to
show respect to your parents. Our dean has taught us the complete opposite. If you want to hide in
this dunya and you wouldn't hate in the akhirah then you will respect your parents and will Allah He
I personally have seen people who have been extremely respectful to their parents, show them an
enormous amount of adapt to the parents and will Allah He in their life. They are they receive so
		

			much hate and so much Baraka in their life in all aspects of their life. So that is why we have to
understand that if we want to hate in this dunya and akhira we have to show respect and other to our
parents. Now. What are some of those that we can show to our parents, I have a big list here, but we
will go Inshallah, through all of them, they will not take too long. Number one is that when it
comes to our parents, no matter if we're young, no matter if we're old, no matter how many accolades
we have, no matter how many degrees we have, and what we have achieved, we have achieved in this
dunya when it comes to our parents, we always refer to them in respectful terms, Okay, Baba, Mama, a
		

			me a boo, whatever it is, whatever you have been calling them referring to them since you're young.
That is the way we will always show that respect and other to our parents. Number two, when talking
to parents, this is something that I have personally seen with my own eyes, kids raising their
voices, and from their parents. A child is not a teenager is not no one is allowed to raise their
voices in front of their parents. Your voices cannot raise cannot cannot rise above the voice of the
parents. When number three, I've seen this also happening. Parents are talking to their children and
the child is walking away. It was a teenager teenager who was walking away and talking while the
		

			parent is standing over there. and wallah he I walked in the parents saw me and he looked at me and
says this is what the kids are today. It is not right and I want all the children here to understand
this. And teenagers. When you talk to your parents till the conversation is not over. You don't walk
away. You stand there, talk to your parents have show respect show up when the conversation is over.
Then you walk away. There are many kids and teenagers also you know what they do when they walk
away? Something that I know many parents can get annoyed by. They do a lot of mumbling
		

			okay, just walk away okay. You have something to say. Come here. Talk to your parents with respect.
Then you walk away. It is not right to mumble also something and walking away. Also next one when
parents are talking you Don't roll your eyes and call okay man, here we go. Okay. These kinds of
things. These are things are unacceptable. This is not something this is considered as a disrespect.
Next one is do not frown when they're talking to you show some other respect. If you don't like what
they have to say talk to them nicely. Have a conversation. Okay, have a conversation, but do not
frown and do not show any kind of expression of disrespect when they're taught
		

			arcing, also, which is the next one, which is very important, when parents are talking when your
parents are talking to you, as children or as teenagers, you're not allowed to cut them off mid
conversation, let them finish first, let them make their point, then you say something if you want
to say, but cutting them off in the middle over and over again, is also a sign of disrespect. Next
one, which is very general, always listen when you are called listen and respond right away. We have
learned this from the stories in there are Hadith such as the hadith of Jurij, and so forth. When
your parents call you respond immediately. If you're doing something that is extremely busy, you at
		

			least answer and say that I am coming. I'm just taking care of this but at least respond when
children do not respond. It is considered to disrespect parents are calling over and over again. And
they're not responding. This can this is this comes off as a disrespect.
		

			This is something also very important. When you see your parents on the phone, okay? When you see
your parents on the phone, baba, baba, baba, baba, baba, baba, okay? happens often, okay? Let your
parents finish the conversation. Then you sit there, you sit there and you wait. When the parents
are finished, then they will answer you. You are your to wait at that time. When parents come home.
If the children at home, make Salam, okay? Not high.
		

			Okay, a lot of kids, what's up? Okay? You're not talking to a friend. You're talking to your
parents, okay? Have some adult Have some respect make salaam to them? Yes, the parents will the
person who's walking into the house, they will make Salam. But out of respect also you say salam,
okay? If you come home, and your parents are there you go and you make salam to your parents, this
is the right way. So if you're at home, they come in, you make salam to them, when you go to, when
you walk inside the house, that might be busy, you go to them and you make salaam
		

			when you see your parents carrying something, if you can carry that you get up right away, and you
help them carry that you notice. And a lot of times we see the parents carrying something and we
just say you know, we let them carry it, you know, out of abdomen respect, you will stand up, you
can take something from their hand and bring it, bring it inside the house, if there is some
groceries inside the car, you will help them bring it inside. But take the things off their hand, do
not let them carry things. Also, when they come home, it's something that we have learned is
something I've learned from my teachers very personally, is that when when parents come home, ask
		

			them Do they need anything, if they need water, give them water, okay? If they if you give them a
bottle of water, open up the bottle of water, loosen up the cap and give it to your parents. I one
time went to my teacher, okay, this is when I was younger. When I went to my teacher, he asked me
for a glass of water, what I did was I held the glass of water just like we generally would always
hold a glass of water, you fill it up. And by the way, for the for the kids keep in mind, if your
parents asked you for water, okay, do not you know, if the glass is this big, then a lot of times
kids will put only this much water in it and give it to their parents know, raise it to a suitable
		

			amount, you know, which is majority of the cup and then give it you don't want it to fit up all the
way to the top that it's spilling when you take into your parents fulfill it is suitable at a
suitable amount. But when I took it to my teacher, I remember I held it from the top just like we
journey hold cups. And when I held it at the top, he asked me that you have put your hands at a
place where I may put my lips on it, we have to be careful about these kinds of things. And so my
teacher, he taught us that when you are serving water to anyone, your teacher, your staff, your
teacher, your parents, or anyone, make sure you hold the water from the bottom. And from that point
		

			onward, anytime when I was serve water to my teachers, I would always hold the cup from the bottom.
Once again, this is just we may overlook these kinds of things. But this is the adult that we were
taught when we were kids. Also, it's important that if you if you're sitting down and your parents
come in, you always stand up and give them the space, let them sit on the couch. You sit on the
floor, okay? But give them the space. They aren't they are parents.
		

			It's also important that if you see them doing something, stepping in and try to help out, okay, you
know, there was a time where if you saw the parents doing something that people would get in and
they will start helping out. Today the kids are completely different. Okay, so I remember a father
was telling me I'll give you an example. If I saw my father vacuuming the room or the house, you get
in right away and you start vacuuming. There was a kid there was a teenager he saw his kid he saw
his father vacuuming and he says Dad, dad, you left something here.
		

			Okay, you don't do that you actually get in and you take the vacuum and you help out once again,
looking at age depends, you know, this is very a dependency. But keeping in mind that this is age
related, I mean, that you have to keep in mind if you can vacuum the vacuum, but try to take the
things off your parents hands, tried to give them some rest and some relaxation also is important
that when,
		

			whenever they talk, okay, you must listen respectfully, and listen attentively. If someone is
talking if you're talking to anyone in general, and they're just showing absolutely no interest in
what you're trying to say. It comes off as disrespectful. Likewise, when parents are talking to us,
and we're sitting on our phones and so forth, for the teenagers, or anyone else, and you are showing
no interest in what your parents are trying to say, or what our parents are trying to say. It comes
off as a disrespect. Also, even after Salat, when we talk about waiting, just like when the father
is on the phone or the mother's on the phone, and they come in there, Mama Baba and so forth.
		

			Likewise, even after Salat, I've seen a lot of kids, you know what they do to their parents, when
they come like after Salat? They will come to their feet, they will come right in front of them
first of all, as they should be sitting next to their parents. Okay. But a lot of our kids you know,
they will get up on their knees and they will scan. Okay, like a like a meerkat, you know, meerkats
and we see America, he will stand up, scan the whole area, the savanna, okay, our kids, they will
get up on their knees, scan the entire audience, okay. But what they do is that they will get in
front of their parents. And if the parent is not, you know, if he has a cap on, sometimes they'll
		

			take the cap off. So now they'll come and play with their hair, okay? Sometimes they will come right
in front of their face and say Baba, can I go to the gym, okay. And that kind of situation you wait,
either teaches us that when your father is making dua, when your mother is making dua, when she is
you know, making her ADKAR after salon, you wait till they are finished. When you you when you sit
down next to them, they understand that you need they need something from you. So at that time, they
will realize, but you have to sit there and wait, we have to teach our kids these kinds of add up
and respect. I see this happening in our own budget, as is happening other places also,
		

			also is important that never ever, if we see something happening to our parents, and they do
something wrong, or there's a mishap and things of that type, we should not laugh at them, you know,
saying they may have done something that is wrong. But to laugh and make a joke about it is
completely disrespectful. It's also important that when we if they are doing,
		

			do not correct them in public, this is something very important. Our parents, if they say something
that is wrong, it is acceptable, you can let it go. There's no problem. If they say something that
is absolutely wrong in our deen and so forth. You can there's a way and there's a time and a place
to correct our parents. But the best way to handle a situation especially when it comes to our
parents do not ever correct parents in public, it can come off as a disrespect when you correct them
in public. Next one is also is very important that we be very careful in how we joke around with our
parents. Every single family is different. Every single mother is different, every single father is
		

			different. What goes on in what family in one family may not be acceptable another family, we all
know our situation. But here's what happens often when we start joking around in our families is
that we start crossing the limits. So we have to make sure that if we are joking around with our
mother, father and things of that type, we always make sure that we keep it kosher, okay, do not
cross a line of disrespect ever when it comes to our parents. Next one is that if they see, I mean,
like let's just say if they are, you know, they want to they're going to the budget and so forth,
out of respect and out of grabbing their shoes and you're right in front of them. This is something
		

			that you know, even as a kid I was taught this, you know, that you grab the shoes of your parents
and put in right in front of them. In fact, if you can, if they start getting ready to start
becoming seniors and so forth, than putting the shoes on for them, there is nothing there is no
degree there is no education, there is nothing in this dunya that makes us feel that I am not worthy
of putting on my parents shoes, my mother's shoes, my father's shoes and so forth if they get to
that stage, but at least we can take our parents shoes and put it right in front of them when
they're about to leave or go anywhere. Lastly, it is very important that also before we go to sleep,
		

			if we are teenagers and so forth, always check up on our parents before we go to sleep. If we are
adults, we always make sure that we check up on our parents before we go to sleep, especially if we
are in the same house. Do not do not just completely go to sleep without looking and making sure
that their affairs have been taken care of and always remind them that if you need anything,
especially if you're living in the same house, always remind them that if you need anything please
let me know. Now. There are some other
		

			One of the things I do have to cover in that is that all these things I mentioned, these are general
situations. These are general situations. These are these are not situations when you have a very
different kind of atmosphere and circumstances within the house. There are people who have come to
me in this last one week, by the way, and this last one week, I had three cases three different
people came to me talking about that their situation with their parents and so forth is very toxic.
I'm not talking about those kinds of toxic relationships, I'm talking about general relationships.
These are general adapt that we must show to our parents. Now often what happens is that when we
		

			grow up and we have our own opinion about certain things, we always feel the need that I need to
ensure that people accept and hear my opinion. So what does the Quran teaches about those kinds of
things? Imagine if your parents did something or they said something. What are you supposed to do in
that kind of situation that if he is if it is something that is considered as wrong completely, what
do we do?
		

			The Quran says we're in Jaha duck overs, final insanity. Well today he has SNA we're in Jaha Dhaka
Allah and to Sri kabhi. Mei Li Celica. Here is one fella to pay homage was Sahaj Bahama for dunya.
Ma rufa the Quran says even if they tell you to do shipwreck, in that case, look at the words of the
Quran very clearly. What in Jaha Dhaka Allah and touche de kabhi malice Allah Kabir in one flatwater
Omar do not obey them. And then what does the Quran say? does the Quran say that you correct them?
No. The Quran says was saw people who might fit dunya Moreover, meaning it is not our job. If our
parents tell us to do something that is wrong, we don't obey, but in that situation, to rebuttal to
		

			have a rebuttal and to correct them to correct their mistakes or tell them that they are wrong and
so forth. The Quran says flat Oklahoma was Sahiba, whom after dunya modified the Quran says do not
obey them, but be good to them and give them company meaning that that middle part that you and I we
often feel that I need to correct them, Allah subhanaw Did I even mentioned that why? Because that
is not necessary. Because you have to understand that when it comes to people, the more older they
get, the more set they become in their ways. And there is nothing there is no word there is no
sentence, there is no statement that you can say that you will change their mindset. So why try to
		

			change their mindset and enforce your opinion upon them. At that situation. You don't obey if they
tell you to do something that is wrong against the deen of Allah subhanaw taala you don't obey but
to sit there and correct them. No. Even after that you give them you give them your your sock but
you remain in their company and always show respect. This is something that we learned from the
Quran and from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So that is why these are some
important adapt that and by the way, once again, the reason I share these either most of our kids,
they're not taught this adult, okay? Even the simple thing of listening to your parents and parents,
		

			I'll finish on this inshallah. Even if you see your kids not doing it, push them to do it. Okay,
push them to do it. I will share this. This happened just like three, four weeks ago, I was coming
inside. So there's a father, he made Saddam to me. And he told his son you make Salam. Now, this is
not about me, okay? This has nothing to do with me. I'm no one, okay? But it just, it just is about
the adult and the respect. So the child just walked by, okay, the child walked by, and the father
said makes them and he was, I think so busy. There was something in his hand. So he looked at me,
he's like, Okay, that's all he did. I'm gonna get what's up. Okay. So, so he doesn't do like this to
		

			me. And he walked on. And the father told them once or twice, can we make Saddam and he and he and
he stood back. He's like, he's like, making those kinds of, you know, yeah, that, you know, this was
just a no, right. And the father says, What can I do? You know, you are the parent, you are the son,
you are the parent. It behooves me when I hear that parents say that, Oh, how can I tell him there's
a reason why Allah made you the parent and Allah made them your child yours and you let them know
you teach them you educate them, and teach them other. So these are things that we need to teach our
children in sha Allah, that they must do and all stages of their life Inshallah, and if they have
		

			this adult inshallah they will be able to teach their kids adult and respected manners Inshallah,
ask ALLAH SubhanA wa taala. to guide us to fit in sha Allah may Allah subhanaw taala and our
family's long lives in sha Allah Middleboro Isla means is Kamala, hey, somebody can play but our
cattle
		

			one man
		

			we need to our Rochelle Vika fell on phone yet money then send money
		

			Yo Manny they're
		

			all gon yeah well man easy
		

			tour although I
		

			mean come coffee