Nadim Bashir – Did the Prophet Divorce His Wives- How to Resolve Marital Conflicts

			One of the most beautiful things we learn from the seed of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa Salam is
that Rasulullah saw sunnah was a human being. Allah subhanho wa Taala says Pauline Nama and Bashar
and Miss Lacan, you have in a nama you know who Camila who was. The Prophet SAW Saddam was a human
being. And the reason why the Prophet SAW sent him his life has been taught to us is because to know
that whatever struggles you and I we go through, a similar struggle was experienced by the life of
the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. One of the things that today we struggle a lot with that
today inshallah I want to talk about is marital discord. A lot of times we get into fights with our
		

			spouse, and how do we overcome those kinds of issues when it comes to our families? First of all,
let's understand that when it comes to marital discord, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was
not immune from this either. Meaning that the reason why it was who was a Salam also went through
this is so that when we go through this, we can always go back to his life. And this also actually
shows us that Rasulullah sallallahu also was a human being. If Ross was some did not go through
this, many of us we will say that there are some Allah so Allah why some did not go through this
yet. We're going through this, and how can we compare ourselves? And where do we go to learn in
		

			these kinds of situations? So let's take a step back into the life of the Rasul allah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam and exactly what happened. I'm going to try to keep it very condensed here
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the middle discourse that happened at his time, were towards
the end of his life. In fact, it is mentioned in some of the books I've seen on that this was a time
when he was married to all of his wives. And so at that time, because we know there are some Lasala
who has some did not have a lot of wealth. In fact, one time he was sitting down with Jabra Italia,
you sit down and another angel came, while Jabra en la sua, some were talking to each other. In
		

			Djibouti Dar es Salaam said yeah rasool Allah, this angel that has come right now to you. This is
the very first time he has come to you. This is the very first time he has come here since he was
created by Allah subhanho wa taala. And at that time, that angel he asked Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam, the what kind of a prophet Do you want to be? Do you want to be a month out then?
A Nubian Mulligan? Or do you want to be a newbie Jana Abdon? Do you want to be a prophet? That Allah
subhanho wa Taala has given him an abundance of wealth? Or do you want to be like that prophet who
is a slave and he lives his life like a slave and he is not given much of this dunya and Rasulullah
		

			sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he chose to go with a letter. He says I want to be a Nubian Ogden. I
want to be a newbie that is a slave to Allah subhanho wa taala. And not only that, but we also learn
that how much Rasulullah sallallahu was willing to give up his share. In fact, we learned that as
Islam progress in Medina, the muscles began to become rich. In fact, after the Battle of butter, we
learned that there were so many there were so many of the Quraysh who were captives of war. And as a
ransom russula, some he gave each one of them away, in lieu of, in lieu of 1000 silver coins. There
were 70 prisoners. And in lieu of each one of them. Rasulillah Salam, he received 1000 silver coins.
		

			So you can see that as Islam was growing, there is an abundance of wealth coming to Medina. Not only
that, but after highborn a lot of wealth came to Medina, after so many other battles, a lot of
wealth come came to Medina. So now what happens is that the wives of Rasulullah salaam, they're
seeing that all this wealth is coming. So what happened was that they they came together to those
who also Allahu Allah, he was sitting down. And by the way, when it came to even the Prophet alayhi
salam, and his relationship with his wives, we learned that one time open the photogra, the Allah
one, he found out that his wife, his daughter, have settled the Allah Juana who was one of the wives
		

			of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he found out that they they sometimes when they converse
with Rasulullah, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, not only is not only a one street conversation, the
prophet it is some talks, they respond. And not only that, but Amara, the Allahu Anhu even went to
Hafsa. And he says that is this true that I heard that when Rasulullah saw some speaks to you, many
of you, you respond back to us, Allah salAllahu alayhi wa sallam, and she says yes, indeed we go
even sometimes further than that. Sometimes we don't even talk to us wa salam throughout the entire
day. And sometimes we do respond back by by the way, I do want to say that when we hear our mothers
		

			talking like this, we should never lose respect for them. Because they are our mothers. At the end
of the day, Allah has given them this kind of status. So nonetheless, there was was a lot of wealth
is coming. They see this, but does in the life of the province of Salem, his house is still the same
house, okay, his living style is still the same living style. So what happened was that I shall have
the Allahu anha and have sort of the Allahu anha, the lead sort of a movement to come to Rasulullah
sallallahu Sallam and as
		

			came for mourn. Now what happened was that one day
		

			there was a knock on the door of Omaha Rhodiola Juan, and at that time, there was a rumor that was
spreading in Medina, there's a certain clan, or a certain tribe, or a group of people that they may
come and they may attack the Muslims in Medina when this knock took place. I'm gonna Hatami open up
and he says something of great tragedy has happened. And he says what happened to this tribe come
and attack us? And he says no, he says rather Rasulullah sallallahu Isom has divorced his wives.
This is this is what this person is saying. I'm gonna hop out of the Allahu and he went right away
to have said all the Allahu anha and she was crying. And she and he asked what happened did not tell
		

			you that you should watch your limits when it comes to Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. In
fact, even before this one time Omaha he told his daughter Hafsa they remember the amount of clout
that Aisha has, you don't have that much clout. Okay, you she has more. So if you're going to try to
push and she's going to try to push, she might get away with it, but you're not going to get away
with it. She has more colonists marriage than you do. So watch your position. Nonetheless, coming
out to the situation. She is crying there. argonauta was asking D he divorce you all. And she says I
don't know. But Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam has chosen to abandon us. And then I'm going to Hatha
		

			Radi Allahu Anhu. He found out that there was a certain room where Rasulullah Salam was saying
during that time, he went there he asked the Sahaba can you go inside and ask permission that I can
come in this this hobby came back out and he says at this time Rasulullah sallallahu has not given
any kind of response on the hotbar he went back to the masjid. Everyone is sitting inside the
Masjid. Everyone is concerned. I'm in a hot tub is restless inside. He goes back and he says, told
Rasulullah saw Salam, the Emir of Qatar was here. He wants to talk to the Prophet SAW Salem. And
again, the Sahaba he went inside I believe he was beloved or the hola Juan and he came back out and
		

			he says Rasul was Hassan has not given any kind of response. Then again, he went back to the masjid.
Again. He went back for the third time and he says, told us was a Salem that I'm not here on behalf
of Hassan. I'm here as his friend. I'm not here as his as his father in law. I'm here as a friend of
his, and then the permission was granted. He came inside and long story short, Omaha Fabiola Juana
he began to explain. He says GABA Sula, when we were in Makkah, we have so much dominance and so
much control of our women. And then after they came to Medina, they began to learn from the Saudi
women. And then they began to have some dominance in the family, and then the problem and then he
		

			said something that brought a smile to the face of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and then
he asked ya rasool Allah, have you actually divorced your wives? And he says, No, I have not
divorced my wives. Rather, I have decided to stay away from them for a certain amount of time for
around 30 days. He said, He does say 30 days he said a month. And then he went after that. It says,
in fact that he went back to his wives after 29 days. Remember, he said one month, and then after 29
days, he went back home. The first house he went to was I show the Alana and I showed the Allahu Ana
she says yes, hula is not 30 days you took an oath that you will stay away away from us for one
		

			month. That is when Russ Watson he said that a month can be 29 days, or it can be 30 days. So he
then says that Allah subhanho wa Taala has given all of you a choice, two choices. If you want the
dunya I will divorce you and you can have as much as dunya as you want. But if you want to akhira
and you want Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, then you remain in this marriage, and this is
our living lifestyle. And all the wives of the Prophet SAW Selim, none of them said they want to
leave the marriage, they all decided that they want to remain as the wife of Rasulullah sallallahu
Sallam another reason why he said this is because once again, we learn that the humanism the Prophet
		

			Allah is on being a human, and what he had to go through when it comes to his families, we are no
different. We will go through our difficulties. But if you have heard me conducting, because I've
conducted over 400 marriages, in every nearly every single marriage, I mentioned this, that the
problem is not that we have problems. The problem is, we don't know how to solve our problems. Okay,
the world is filled with problems. There's gonna be problems from day one to the last day. The
problem is we don't know how to solve our problems. So here's here's what we need to do when it
comes to these kinds of conflicts in our family, and especially when it comes to our spouse. The
		

			very first thing is that when it comes to trying to resolve an issue, the very first key thing is
intention. Allah subhanho wa Taala says we're in the 15th ship aka beta Hema for but I thought
hakama min Ali Wahaca. Mumble Alia AUD that is La hon. Allah subhanho wa Taala brought the word you
read that and for those of you who are familiar with the Arabic language you read, that is a verb of
is a duvet
		

			are in the Arabic language very different than English, you have single you have dual, and then you
are plural in English, they're single and then there's plural. So in the Arabic language here, Allah
brought the dual verb, meaning that it is a responsibility. And it is upon both husband and wife,
that they have a clean heart. And they want to resolve the issue if the conflict is taking place.
And the purpose of the conflict is that I want to gain dominance over the other, and I want to show
the other who's in power and who has control of the House, then that is not a clean intention. You
want to resolve an issue, you have to have a pure intention. Allah says if you both have the NIA of
		

			Islam and reconciliation, you were filthy level but you know whom Allah Allah says that Allah will
give them Tofik of this. The second thing when it comes to intention is that the intention should be
is that even if I'm going through this marital discord, inshallah I get out of this, I learned, I
resolve my matters with my spouse, but then Inshallah, this will give me the trophy, to learn more
about my spouse, this is this should be the intention. So the very first thing is that the intention
has to be correct. The second thing that is also very important is that making sure that we don't
become second thing is we identify the issue, we have to identify the issue, you know, how many
		

			people have come to my office, they're going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth for such
a long time. And if you actually go through the entire situation, and you identify the real issue is
such a small issue, you know, there's usually a core issue and there's a lot of symptoms, when it
comes to our health, that might be a core issue. And there's so many other symptoms, right? So if,
for example, if a person has a stomach ache, and they're going through, they're throwing up, there's
extreme pain, the doctor will say that well, you know what, you have to get your appendix room for
example, right? So that's the key issue, you remove that all the other symptoms are gone. Likewise,
		

			when it comes to a metal, dis marital discord, a lot of times the key issue has to be identified,
what exactly is the key issue? Many times there's a lot of symptoms of that key issue. So number one
is intention. Number two is and follow follow with me. First one is correct intention. Second one is
identify the issue number three is do not become overly emotional. Subhanallah Wanda Frey first
thing that happens is we lose our cool when it comes to arguments. You can never win the argument.
You can never talk or discuss anything if you're emotional. And part of Being emotional is that
making sure that when you communicate, you communicate with respect. And when you listen, you listen
		

			with respect Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was not only a great communicator, he was a
great listener too. He used to listen to other people and give us some thought. And then he will
talk to Jay many times when they find if I'm in a marital discord. I'm listening, I'm listening. And
I'm not even listening to her actually, a lot of times, but rather it's you know, I'd say a concert
suddenly just a concert dhikala You know, it's more of those kinds of things. It's you're listening
for one ear is going out from the other ear, and you have absolutely no care what he or she is
saying, but rather you're creating your own counter arguments, right? That's what you're doing a lot
		

			of times in a marital discord, you have to be a good listener, Russell, awesome, he would listen, he
will stay quiet, he would ponder and then he would speak And subhanAllah one time I was talking
about this, there was a brother who came to me afterward he said that even people like you know,
Steve Jobs and, and Bill Gates and some of these key you know, amazing entrepreneurs and great
inventors, they had a similar nature, whenever they would listen to other people speak they will not
talk first they will listen to other people, they will listen, other people speak, they will listen,
internalize, collect your thoughts, and then they will speak Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
		

			he was a great listener, he was a great communicator. But one thing also as I said, which is very
important is when it comes to our arguments with Allah, He you have no idea how many calls I get,
how many calls I get. And the the key thing I always get is that my husband when he begins to talk
to me, and I'm not saying this is only the husband's, the wives are also guilty, as you know, as
much as the husbands are. But the key thing is that there's a lot of vulgarity that is that is used
when it comes to arguments. And will lie is so sad, because these are not just people who don't come
to measure. These are people who come to the masjid on a daily basis. You see them and when I got to
		

			hear this on the phone, and I see those same people at the masjid, I tried to keep my heart clean as
much as I can, but it's so hard. But why are we using vulgarity? Why are we getting so emotional
during these kinds of times? If I cannot keep my emotions in check, we stay calm for a moment. We
take a break and then we'll come back and discuss but using vulgar vulgarity with the Prophet SAW
Selim he mentioned in the wire, one of the signs of a mafia is where either ha sama fajr When he
engages in a dispute, he begins to use vulgarity. So using vulgarity has to be kept off the table.
So the very first one was intention. Second one was identify the issue number three is do not become
		

			emotional.
		

			The fourth one is respect during this whole process, we have to remain respect. At this time, you
know how many things are flung against the inlaws your in laws are like this and your in laws are
like that. And I mean, my in laws are like this and your parents are like this and you this and that
and Subhanallah there's absolutely no respect if you want to resolve an issue, but you don't even
have respect even if you resolve the issue, the respect has already been destroyed. So this is why
the fourth thing is making sure that there is absolutely there is respect at all times, and finally,
always making sure that you make dua one of the key things that you can do is make dua to Allah
		

			subhanho wa Taala Robina habla Ana min as well Gina, whether the Athena Kurata ion Oh Allah grant me
a family that will be the cause of eyes Yes, there are going to be some ups and downs, but if I know
how to resolve my issues, if I can use some of these techniques in sha Allah, then going forward in
sha Allah, I will be able to even if there if even if there are conflicts, I will know how to
resolve resolve those conflicts. So these are just few things inshallah we can do. Of course, many
of these can be you know, we can keep on talking about this for hours, but these are just few things
I want to share Inshallah, next time if we ever in a situation at home, we apply these teachings
		

			Inshallah, it will be very beneficial Inshallah, Dr. Malachite said I'm already going to label a
counselor
		

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Amy now was all in.
		

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			what's going on? I don't know who
		

			Eileen