Nadim Ali – No Remorse! No Repentance!
AI: Summary ©
The importance of empathy and forgiveness in addressing past mistakes and mistakes is emphasized, along with the negotiation step. Consent and embracing healthier behaviors are also emphasized. The importance of investing in one's life to achieve a fresh start and increase return on investment is emphasized, along with the need to show remorse and regret in actions and turn back. Consent and forgiveness are key to empowering oneself and preventing harm.
AI: Summary ©
In the one translation, indeed, our praise belongs
to Allah.
The most high, we thank him and we
seek his aid and we seek his forgiveness.
And we seek refuge with him from the
evil of ourselves and from our bad actions.
Whoever Allah guides them, there is no one
who can mislead him. And whoever
Allah causes to go astray, then there is
no one to guide him.
I bear witness that there is no deity
except Allah who is unique and without partners
and I bear witness that Muhammad is his
worshipper and his messenger. May the peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him and his
family and his companions
and those who follow them with good intentions
until the day of judgment.
All you who believe, fear Allah as he
should be feared and don't die except his
Muslims. Again, all you who believe, fear Allah
and don't die except his Muslims.
And, oh mankind, be careful of your duty
to your Rabb who created you from a
single soul and from it created its mate
and from the 2 of them spread forth
many men and women.
Be careful of your duty to Allah whom
you demand your mutual rights and be careful
of your duty to the wounds that bore
you. Indeed, Allah is our Lord Akib over
you.
O you who believe fear Allah and always
speak the truth, He will cause your deeds
to be beneficial and He will forgive for
you your sins and whoever obeys Allah and
His Messenger, then he has truly achieved a
tremendous accomplishment.
Indeed, the best speech is the book of
Allah and the best guidance is the guidance
of Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and the most
evil of all affairs are newly invented matters
which has no precedence in Islam And indeed,
all innovations are astray, and each astray is
in the hellfire. O Allah, save us from
it. O Allah, accept our dua.
And as to those who do evil deeds,
then repent
after that
and believe your Lord after that is most
surely forgiving and merciful.
Yet to those who commit misdeeds, but repent
after that and believe indeed
after that, your lord shall surely be
all forgiving
and all merciful.
And the prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
said,
the one who repents from sin
is like one who did not sin. The
one who repents from sin is like one
who did not sin.
And when we look at the word,
for repentance in Arabic, it's it's tauba.
You know, it's again, it's it's a fundamental
aspect of our faith.
It is the way of turning away from
our sins and mistakes
and seeking forgiveness from Allah
It is a way for us to clean
our souls
and seek Allah's mercy and start anew.
So, the big piece on that is that
we stop the behaviors as well, you know.
And again, one of the, concepts,
that we teach in counseling
is when you apologize, the 5 steps to
the apology. And I've shared that in the
past,
that the first thing a lot of times
we'll say I'm sorry and recommit
an act. I'm sorry and recommit
and do another act. And I'm sorry and
then you just end up being sorry.
You know? So but 5 steps to an
apology is first that first step is saying
I'm sorry.
And then the second step is you're empathizing.
What action what feeling did you cause in
that person
based on your actions?
Empathy.
Step 2.
And the 3rd step is to commit not
to do it again.
Commit not to do it again.
And then the 4th step, I call it
the negotiation step.
What can I do to fix it? You
know, just like if you harm somebody. In
the Koran, it talks about how if you
even if if you
killed somebody,
you know, the family can ask for for
blood money.
You know, if you cause a physical harm
to someone or even a emotional harm, you
can ask for, you know, basically financial compensation
or just some type of reparations,
you know, for the most part.
And so that that that you say, what
can I do to fix it? How can
I fix this?
You know, if it's a marital situation, you
know, you say, well, I don't want you
to stop these behaviors.
I want you to do this. I would
like you to do this. It will make
me feel better because the whole thing is
we don't want demanding
things of each other, but you basically you
let a person's
actions make you let the person know how
their actions make you feel,
and you empower them to make the change.
As opposed to you need to stop doing
this and you need to stop doing that
because they'll just stop doing it when they're
when they're not around you.
You know, just like in Islam, you know,
we don't
do things
or stop doing things, you know, just because
so other people don't see us.
We stop doing things because it's inconsistent with
who we say we are as a Muslim.
You know, as I mentioned last night, this
is, coming up on my 43rd year
as a Muslim.
And I took my shahad on my,
23rd birthday, and
I I lived around Muslims in West Philadelphia.
And I would see,
and so we were engaged in all sorts
of things I don't have to name.
And these are and and I would say,
you're a Muslim, but you're doing this. You're
a Muslim, and you're doing that.
And
when I took my shahada,
you know, I let it be known. And
so these same Muslims, they started treating me
like I had COVID
because, oh, you wanna be a good Muslim,
you know. And and and so the thing
is because I knew that if I,
I I would if when I commit to
something, I I try to do it a
100%.
And I didn't want a half step. And
that's what we used to, you know, when
we were in the streets, we used to
call the the the the PTM Muslims. Oh,
oh, yeah. Such and such. He a PTM
Muslim. Part time
Muslim. You know, because he drinking and gambling
and selling drugs and doing this. He PTM.
And we knew that. We knew the difference
between those serious Muslims
and the the delirious Muslims.
You know, and so we have to be
of those to try to be serious Muslims.
And as long as you have breath in
your body, brothers and sisters,
Allah can forgive us.
But once you cross that barzakh, the barrier
between life and death, it's over.
And then you hear people say, you know,
you're in the Quran, it talks about how
people, oh, just Allah, let me go back
for one more day.
It's too late.
So as long as we have breath in
our body, let us make the change.
Let us get rid of the the bad
habits. Let us get rid of the character
defects defects.
Again, the prophet
said, the one who repents from sin
is like one who did not commit the
sin.
And again, the repentance, turning away, turning away
from our sins and mistakes
and seeking forgiveness from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Again, it's the way we clean our soul,
and we use this month of Ramadan to
cleanse ourselves of sin and refrain from actions
that Allah will be displeased with. Sheikh Mukhtar,
when he gave the
talk here, he talked about Ramadan not just
being
a day, just a fasting, a daylight fasting,
just dawn to sunset. He said, no, we
fast 24
hours. And, and, you know, I was wondering
what he was talking about, fasting for 24
hours. But, he he was saying that the
food aspect is just one small aspect
of Ramadan.
Just that food aspect, just giving up the
food.
You know, we do that.
But he talked about the behaviors.
You know, we need to carry Ramadan
throughout the whole year,
168 hours in the week. We need to
be practicing a level
of self restraint.
Because as Allah says, Ramana, he gave us
Ramana to teach us self restraint, and it's
just a reminder for us.
He said to be on a 24 hour
fast,
but it's about basically internal change.
We must work on our character defects. We
must work on the character defects. None of
us are perfect.
And Ramadan allows us to to see what
we need to work on throughout the rest
of the year. You know, whether it's, again,
it's an emotional issue or whether it's something
physical that you want to do, you know,
we have to use this time. Allah gives
us this break.
You know, we have to be of those
who are charitable. We have to be of
those who are kind to our mates.
You know, we just can't, you know, basically
treat people any old kind of way. You
know, it's interesting you see people treating,
you know, people who are outside their family
better than their own family.
And when you have
a Muslim man and a woman together, you
know, again, that's your Muslim brother and sister,
husband and wife. And then if you have
children, then your parents, you have 3 rings
of commitments.
And so as as as we say in
the in the Qutbar,
every week, you know, honor the wounds that
bore you. Paradise lies at the feet of
the mother. You know, we we know all
of these terms,
but do we actualize these terms in how
we're treating our spouses?
How we're treating our wives, how sisters are
treating their husbands?
We have to actualize it.
Not just, you know, basically just verbalize it.
You know, we can talk the game, but
we have to walk it. This is important
that we have to be able to do
that and if we're not doing it, we
still have breath in our body, we can
make the necessary
change.
You know, again, true repentance
requires more, again, just the verbal utterance
or the superficial
change.
It's about a deep,
sincere feeling of remorse and regret for our
actions. This remorse
the word in Arabic is
this nakaa.
Nakaa.
And it's that feeling
that you get a deep pit in your
in your stomach that you've done something wrong.
Do you cause so much pain to someone
that that you you have, you know, this
feeling, and and it weighs heavy on your
soul. And we ask a lot of take
it. Take it away from us. And these
feeling, when you get that type of feeling,
you know, you can't medicate it away. You
can't go to the doctor and get an
antidepressant for that one.
You can't drink it away. You can't smoke
it away. You can't eat it away.
You know, you have to basically
engage in healthier behaviors so that,
you know, the actions are seen deemed pleasing
to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
And then
that, that, that feeling
goes away. It's just like when you hear
of a death.
Someone
die close to you. You you feel a
deep
sense of grief. You feel a deep pain.
It's it's it's it's hopeful.
But the further away you get from that
death or the loss, then the feeling starts
to subside.
So so we have to look at how
we get rid of that feeling. And again,
it's about changing your behaviors.
You know, again, Nakaa again means that deep,
deep sorrow and regret for our sins.
It means to recognize, again, the harms
that our actions have caused and not only
to ourselves but also to those around us
and to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. It means
to feel a sense of shame and humiliation
for our mistakes and to make a firm
resolution never to repeat it again.
Without this feeling of remorse,
our repentance is incomplete and insincere.
It's merely a superficial change, a pretense,
and it would not be accepted by Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
In scholars in family therapy, they talk about,
it's like the ratio of 1 to 10.
For every
one
assault or one act, one negative act that
you give a person,
it takes up to 10 up to 10
positive experiences
to relieve
that one act. And so if you're in
a relationship
and you've had several,
basically,
negative experience with a person,
it takes a while.
It takes, you know, again, 1 to 10.
1 to 10 to clean up any any
any action. So so we have to to
look at that.
You know? And then sometime people will give
up.
Because that's too much.
You know? And, the investment is too great.
You know, other times, people will put in
the work, and they say it was worth
the effort.
My wife and I are coming up on
50 years together,
and I made a lot of bad decisions.
I don't like using the word mistakes.
You know, you make a decision,
and and you have to get the consequences
of that decision. But those decisions I made
earlier
in our relationship,
you know, are distant memories.
And we best are friends these days. She
likes me a little bit, you know.
You know? I don't do that. I guess
she'll keep me, you know. But, you know,
some people give up.
And, you know, the main thing is not
to give up. You know? It takes really
5 years for a marriage to
to just sort of get firm. You know,
if you get past that 5 year point
and, you know, you see you know, if
if,
you want to keep each other, you know,
it's best to do that. And again and
again, I'm not a promoter of staying together
for children. I never promote that when I
sit with people. You know, I tell people,
be co parents
because how you participate in a marriage
can impact
not only you and your relationship, but your
children's relationships and your grandchildren. So you can
impact 2 to 3 generations
with how you participate
in in a marriage. And if you're not
getting along, move on. And the law says
that part in peace. Don't hold the hostage.
Part in peace.
You know?
And we have to show remorse, and we
have to if we make a bad decision,
to show the remorse, get the feeling, and
go through those 5 steps to an apology.
If I've said anything that's inconsistent with what
Allah has given us, I take full responsibility
for that. And if Ive said anything in
which you have gained some enlightenment, as always,
all praise belongs to Allah.
O Allah
on the Day of Judgment and forgive our
sins.
The prophet
he said
that if we repented of our sins,
then Allah the Most Merciful will pardon us
for them.
And again,
turning back, you know, tawba means turning back
or to return.
Making tawba from a sin, therefore, entails turning
around and confessing
the guilt, not to human beings, you know,
but to Allah Subhanahu Ta'ala, recognizing the recognition
that we're we're we're what we've done wrong.
And we look at this Hadith that it
talks about the importance of sincere repentance. And
again, when we truly repent,
it's as if we've never committed a sin
in the 1st place, and our slate gets
wiped clean.
We have a fresh start.
You know, we get a fresh start as
if new.
You know, again, we cannot continue to engage
in the same behaviors expecting
different results. You know, that's the whole definition
of insanity.
For us, if nothing changes,
nothing changes.
And so we have to put in investment
to get the return on our investment.
You know, so the things, the good deeds
that we do, the charity that we give,
just like it's it's exponentially
increased during Ramadan.
And so, even when we do one good
act, Allah gives us
a multiple multitude of returns on that one
good act, one act of charity.
You know? But if we do something, you
know, that's inconsistent with with our deen, we
just get the punishment for that the weight
of that that inconsistency.
Abu Dhar
said that the Messenger of Allah salallahu alaihi
wa sallam said,
almighty Allah says, whoever comes to comes with
a good deed will have the reward
of 10 like it and even more. Whoever
comes with an evil deed will will be
recompensed
for one evil deed like it or he
will be forgiven.
Whoever draws close to me by the length
of a hand, I will draw close to
him by the length of an arm. Whoever
draws close to me by the length of
an arm, I will draw close to him
by the length of a fathom.
Whoever comes to me walking, I will come
to him running. Whoever meets me with enough
sins to fill the earth, not associating any
partners with me, I will meet him with
much forgiveness.
Again, we must always remember that repentance is
not a one time thing.
You know, we have to
recognize that we're gonna make mistakes
or make decisions, bad decisions.
But we have to have the ability to
recognize when they are unhealthy decisions and feel
the remorse and then turn back.
True repentance, again, requires the remorse. Again, it
requires us to have a deep feeling of
sorrow and regret for our sins,
to recognize the harm that they have caused,
and to make a firm resolution never to
repeat them again. It's a continuous process that
requires effort and commitment on the part, on
our part.
But it's also a source of mercy and
forgiveness, and it allows us to get that
fresh start. So,
you know, no matter what
actions that we have engaged in that have
caused harm not only to ourselves, our souls,
our families,
the overall society,
You know, we have to
say that Allah has given us a chance
another day.
He's given us another day. What are we
gonna do with this time? Just like people
in jail, would they say, you know, they
some people use time and some people just
do time.
Because people who can come out
can go in one way and come out
that same way. And some people go in
one way, and they come out a whole
different person. And so we have to recognize
that, you know, this is just,
you know, one big prison.
Life. And so what changes are we gonna
make? And the law gives us this life
so that we can come to him
in such a way that we
will, on the other side of the barzakh,
the other side of the barrier between life
and death, there is no time. There is
no time.
There is no time.
So how will we be, how will we
be spending that?
How will we be spending that? It's based
on the decisions that we make on a
day to day basis.
Our lord, take us not to task if
we forget or fall into error.
Our lord, lay not on us a burden,
such as you did lay on those before
us. Our lord laid on us a burden
which we do not have the power to
bear, and overlook our faults and forgive us,
and have mercy on us. You are our
protector, and grant us the victory over the
disbelieving people. He come in with Father.