Mustafa Khattab – You Sign For Fiona End With Up With Shrek
AI: Summary ©
The importance of marriage in Islam is discussed, emphasizing the need for healthy relationships and treating both members with respect. Fairness and not apologizing for mistakes are also emphasized. The challenges of marriage include mental health and personal relationships, and it is encouraged to find the right person to propose to and not apologize for mistakes. The importance of finding the right person to marry and fill in gaps in one's life is emphasized, and the speaker gives a announcement about a change to accommodate the school and gives a time for people to leave.
AI: Summary ©
I bear witness that there is none worthy
about worship except Allah
And I bear witness that Muhammad salallahu alaihi
wa sallam is the seal of the prophets
and the final messenger to all of humanity.
Whoever Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guides, there is
none to misguide. And whoever Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala needs to stray, there is none to
guide the light.
Right. Ubaid, I we're trying to fix the
mic, so hopefully by next Jumay, inshallah, the
mic will be working fine.
I know the echo and the feedback and
the noise makes me sound like Donald Duck,
But you know me and this is not
my voice. But anyway, we're working on it
inshaAllah.
We started
about a month ago to talk about marriage.
Everyone's favorite topic, but in in some cases
it's becoming a nightmare
for some people.
It's even becoming a nightmare for me because
people come and they have issues
and they ruin my life, they ruin my
day, so they come to my office, they
keep calling, sending emails, sending faxes,
putting letters in bottles and throwing them in
the ocean. I want a divorce.
Everywhere, everyone is coming to me for divorce.
Now, when I go to my house, I'm
afraid if I open the fridge, someone is
gonna pop into my face. I want a
divorce.
You know, it's becoming a big problem, you
know, for people. And I started to talk
about,
you know, the concept of marriage in Islam
and how Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala listed marriage
as a namah from Allah, qamin aayatihe and
khalaqum min amfusikumazwajr
and so on and so forth, and what
you should look for in a marriage
to have a successful relationship.
And I said that Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam said,
you asked people marry for different reasons, men
and women.
Some look for beauty, some look for status,
some look for money, but the prophet salallahu
alaihi wasallam said look for the deen.
And this is even emphasized in the Quran,
but sometimes we don't see it, but it
is there to your face. And subhanallah, this
is one of the most amazing things,
like Qadat Surah Al Baqarah.
In the middle of Surah Al Baqarah,
there is the talk about marriage and about
divorce. Wal mutallakhaaatu
waaydhatallakto
minisaaah waaydhatallokto
mumunna
wal mutallakhaa qiataaapfnaatallakumarlatan.
3 pages talk about divorce.
Divorce, marriage and divorce and, you know, marriage
problems and divorce and so on and so
forth.
And right to the middle of the 3
pages that talk about divorce, Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala says,
Hafizullah
salawati
was salam alwustl.
What does salaw have to do with marriage
and divorce?
The these 2 I got in the middle,
they have absolutely nothing to do with marriage
and divorce. Why does Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
talk about zawaj and talaf? And in the
middle, he talks about salah.
And when you look deep into it, Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala is telling us in a
subtle way,
if your salah is genuine and it is
sincere,
you will have respect, you will treat your
partner, your spouse with dignity,
whether you are staying with them in the
marriage or you are leaving them.
Insagoon bema'rufinautasriyukombersa.
If you stay with them, stay with dignity,
but if you divorce, divorce them with honor.
This is what Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is
telling us subtly in in Surat Al Baqarah.
And as I said before, I've been doing
counseling for about
now, 11 years now.
Heart attacks and blood pressure all the time.
People
come, especially when they talk to you individually,
everyone is playing the victim, mashaAllah the Oscars,
oh, he hit me, he threw me out
of the window, you know, and all that
stuff. And when you bring the other side,
nothing of that sort happened, you know. So
you make sure that you talk to both
at the same time because the truth
will come out.
So I've seen it Alhamdulillah,
most marriages are successful
But there are some who have issues in
the marriage and sometimes subhanAllah there's nothing wrong
with either one. Both are good
But they are not good for each other
Even the Sahaba gave divorce, right? And they
were the best
and the finest in the Muslim woman
But in some cases if the Deen is
there people have no respect for Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala
Of course, they have no respect for each
other, right? And as I said, I've seen
so many cases
1 or 2 cases that I've come across,
the brother will work hard day and night,
he will buy the house in his wife's
name,
and as soon as as soon as all
the payments are made, she falls for divorce
because she wants to take the house. It's
it's in her name. And and she gives
the brother
out. Umni alaiha, I see a brother for
example he,
you know, just
takes off.
Takes off means he leaves the country, he
goes somewhere else, he gets married, he starts
another family
and he doesn't think he doesn't care about
his first family anymore. They don't know where
he is. He doesn't provide for them. Nothing.
So this is albul. Right? This is albul.
And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala speaks about the
relationship between husband and wife. He calls it
Waqhna min kummi zaqam galeebah
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala calls it a tremendous
commitment.
So people shouldn't take it lightly.
Right?
As I mentioned last footba, I said the
best way to have a successful marriage and
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala tells us in Surah
room, if you want the marriage to be
successful, you have to have Mawaddah and Rahmah.
Love, respect, compassion and mercy in the relationship.
And I said the easiest way to achieve
Mawada al Amlah is if you treat your
wife the same way you like your own
sister to be treated
and for the wife to treat her husband
the same way she likes her own brother
to be treated.
This is fairness.
Right? But from what I have seen here
and
back home, you know, I traveled and I
grew up in Egypt. I have seen some
cases from my travels.
Like there there was one brother.
He didn't give her sister his sister
her share of her inheritance from her father
But he fights with his in laws, so
his wife will take a share from her
father
How is this
fair? Another case,
a brother
will prevent his wife from visiting her family
and in the meantime he will fight with
his sisters in laws because they don't allow
his sister to visit them.
Come on, man. It's about fairness. Islam is
all about fairness.
Right?
You should not suffer injustice, and you should
not inflict justice on others.
And this is why Muhammad SAWS when he
spoke about, you know, when he was setting
the standards for what to look for your
expectations in the marriage, he said look for
the Deen
So as we said last time if you
marry someone with Deen
You don't have to worry about halal and
halal
You don't have to worry about why hijab
is this, why we have to pray, and
you don't have to deal with all these
issues. If someone has Deen,
you don't have to worry about none of
that. Right?
Because people come and and I see the
you know, silly fights they have over nothing
because the deen, the sub, the hikna is
not there.
So if the hikna is not there, the
deen is not there, the suf is not
there, then there's no guarantee from Allah Subhanahu
Wa'ala.
1 Arabi, a Beirut,
was asked about the worst spouse,
the worst person he can marry to.
And he said in a nutshell the one
who does not have deen, they don't have
a good relationship with Allah, they don't have
respect for Allah and they don't have respect
for the spouse, the other side in the
relationship.
Is this the worst person that you get
married
is the one
that
who buries good deeds. If you do something
good to them, no mention.
If you do one bad thing,
broadcast and advertise.
It's all over Facebook. It's it's all over
the place. Everyone knows about what happened.
When they don't support the challenge of the
time of life,
they don't support you against the challenges of
life. They support the challenges of life against
you.
I got laid off, I don't have money.
No, we need to buy this big house,
we need to buy this big car, we
need to go for vacation in Las Vegas.
If you come in they leave and if
you leave they come in.
If you have a hardship in life, you're
crying you're pulling your hair off
and this is why I see a lot
of brothers know him
If you know
if you are crying, they are laughing they're
having a party
and
if there is, you know, happiness in the
house, like you just graduated,
you've got some good business, you gotta she
is kind or he is kind, right? So
every time there's something good, they don't share
these positive feelings with you. If there's something
terrible, someone died, the car broke down, something
terrible happened,
they don't feel your sadness.
Abdullah ibn Nawwaha
one day was with his wife and he
started to cry.
She cried.
He said, okay, I know why I'm crying,
but why are you crying? I didn't say
anything. Why did you cry? She said, I
saw you crying.
I cry in solidarity with you. I don't
know why you're crying, but I cried with
you. He said when I he said I
remember the bridge
salam between Jannah and Jahannat
and I started to think if I'll make
it to the other side or I would
fall down
this is the reason why I was crying
She said I was crying in solidarity with
you, although I didn't know why you are
crying.
Now a brother is in pain, he lost
his jaw, terrible thing happened.
He starts to cry, she was,
I know from day 1 that you have
some mental issues, I need to, you know,
talab.
We need to support each other in difficult
times. So he said, if the person cries,
the other one laughs. If this one laughs,
the other one cries. The house is is
miserable.
The kids are in a terrible situation because
no one gives them, time.
They
testify
that some problem happened in the house, although
they were not an eyewitness.
Right?
And they cry although they are at fault
and Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has,
you Ali, put,
you know, hardship and and and, and, like,
difficulty in their hearts so they don't have
feelings for what is going in the house.
In other words, they are out of touch.
They don't have a good relationship with Allah,
and they don't have a good relationship with
the spouse. And as I said at the
beginning, this applies to brothers and sisters. You
can find it in both.
So what you need to look for
if you're you didn't get married Diyad or
someone is proposing or if you have kids,
look for the Deen.
And even if someone has the Deen, this
is not a guarantee that they will not
have challenges in the marriage.
So say for example you are marrying your
neighbor someone that you have known your whole
life you see them every day
or a relative your cousin someone, right? You
know that you will like
This is not a guarantee that what you
see in the street is what people see
inside your house
Because when you marry someone the door is
closed you see different personalities
As I like to say you sign for
Fiona you end up with Shrek
Something totally different, right? Because people have different
personalities in public and in private. They're totally
different,
right?
Some people
Especially brothers, sorry to say in the house
there's
you know, yelling and, you know, like a
dragon in the house. They're fighting with everyone,
chairs are flying, they're whatever.
And with their friends
outside, mashallah, they're smiling, they are having a
good time. And the same might apply to
the sisters as well because I don't want
the brothers to give me after salah, you
know.
So things happen. Things happen. So even if
you marry someone you already know,
you will have challenges in life. Right? And
I always say even if you know the
person before marriage
The first 3 to 6 months are very
challenging
because now you are trying to adjust
to accommodate the other one
Both are good, but it takes time to
accommodate the other person.
Just like when you have
Windows, you try to make Windows work with
Apple, it would take some time to adjust
the systems. Both are good. Both are good.
It is even more challenging if you imagine
someone from outside your culture.
Outside your culture. Because, subhanAllah, as I said,
with someone from your own culture who speaks
the same language,
your neighbor. You have known them your whole
life. You will always find surprises about their
personality how they think what they like what
they don't like and so on and so
forth.
If you marry someone from outside your culture
who speaks another language
and I'm not saying that interracial
marriages are bad or anything. I've seen so
many interracial marriages. They are very successful,
but in some cases they are challenged more
challenges in the marriage.
I will give you one example. Even if
a brother from an Arab country
that is a sister from Arab country, but
from another country they have issues because of
the culture
and because of the language
say for example
if a an Egyptian brother
that is Lebanese sister, Ma'ale Shabalah
Just an example. They go to the store.
She's buying some clothes. She got a very
good deal. She got a very good bargain.
They call it a steal. There she got
a very good bargain. Right? A very good
deal.
When they are leaving, the husband will say
to his wife
Why? In the Egyptian dialect nasir nasha means
smart.
In the Lebanese culture it means fat.
So he meant you are very smart.
From her end He's saying you are a
big fat woman, right? They will have a
fight, right?
Same thing will happen if,
say for example
and say for example a Yemeni brother marries
an Egyptian sister
These are our country they all speak Arabic
and they speak the language of the Quran,
right? So say for example if they marry
the husband will give his wife $500 $700
and say is this enough as pocket money
for the house? She will say Mashi
in the Egyptian dialect Mashi means okay
in the Yemeni
the Dalit means this is not okay
So if he chooses Mashi
from her end, she it means yes, this
is good. This is sufficient from his end.
It means this one greedy woman. I give
her a lot of money and she says
this is not enough.
She didn't mean that, right? From the same
culture. And And if you marry someone from
a totally different country who speaks a different
language, you can say for example, like an
Indian sister told me she got married to
a brother from Arab country, from North Africa.
Right? I'm not gonna name the country.
They do good in Ubakpaka, right? Ubakpaka and
so on and so forth. So they so
they got married here They stayed together then
they went to visit his family in that
country,
right?
So
while they were there
Oh
So while while they were there, she said
she was in her room in the second
floor
her husband
who was downstairs with his family and they
were talking
and their voice got loud, you know in
some cultures when you talk you are very
loud
She thought that they were fighting
So when he came she said I was
about to call the police I thought you
were fighting with your mom
and he said no no no no, I
was just asking her to make some tivas
and she said yes I will.
Subhanallah,
totally different culture.
So again, it is the religion
and the understanding and getting to know each
other will make these issues goes away. We
ask Allah
to give us the best in this life
and the best in the life to come
to SalAllahu and fill them in the
So I'm gonna kindly ask you to move
forward because the people are waiting there. It's
like,
move forward, please.
So in the last 2 minutes of the
life of this kutbah,
I will talk about engagement
because I always get questions and stuff. So
once you find the right person you want
to propose to them,
you have to talk to the family.
Right? Because
in some cases, some brothers will come to
me, I found this sister. I'm afraid that
if I propose, her family will reject me.
I want to marry her and see her
behind her and pay her his back. And
I say, this is not the best way
to do it. We you have to honor
the family.
They raised her. They did everything in their
ability to make her a good person. Now,
you want to go to marry her in
in secret. This is this is disrespectful, man.
I wouldn't allow it for my sister. You
wouldn't allow it for your own sister. Right?
Itkhulbibutaminawwawgahi,
you have to go and talk to the
family, try to convince them. If they said
yes, Alhamdulillah.
If they said no,
you know, there are millions of other sisters
that you get married. Alhamdulillah.
Khadarullah.
If they agree to engagement,
for a lot of people, they think engagement
is marriage.
Engagement
does not mean marriage.
Engagement is something. It is the it's a
promise to consider marriage in the in the
future.
But it does not have any fiti,
consequences.
However, as soon as they sign the marriage
contract,
they sign. I do. They sign.
Whether they consummate their marriage or not is
a Hasidduhul
Al Amiassa.
They become husband and wife before Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala and the law. Even if they
don't live together, they are husband and wife.
In other words, as soon as the husband
signs the contract
and So we come to the husband and
wife and the sister washes her her face.
He has a heart attack when he saw
her he dies. She will inherit him and
she will have it up for 4 months
and 10 days. Itifak among the scholars. Even
they didn't give a chance to live together,
no dufla, no consummation of the marriage, she
will give inheritance from him, she will observe
itta for him. Same thing.
If she dies,
if she dies first before consummation of the
marriage,
He she will he will inherit her and
so on and so forth. There is no
Ayta for the husband,
but he will inherit from his wife. Right?
But the engagement
Nothing, right? It is there is nothing there
Not by law, not by sharia, there is
nothing there. Right? So we have to keep
this in mind, and we ask Allah, subhanahu
wa ta'ala, to make the marriages successful and
to give people the best in this life
and the best in the life to come.
We ask Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, to forgive
our sins, accept our good deeds, and give
us the best in this life and the
next in the life to come. And give
us Shafa'a, Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa'ala.
One quick announcement inshallah.
This Sunday,
you will send your watches 1 hour back.
So, in the past, we used to pray
about 1:30,
from next week. After Sunday, it would be,
12:13, inshaAllah.
Jummah,
we have a slight change to accommodate the
school downstairs.
First Jum'ah will be 12:30.
12:30 for the first one. 2nd Jum'ah will
be 1:30.
We'll allow enough time in between, inshallah, for
people to come and leave. That would this
will make it easy for the students
and for the classes, and it doesn't disrupt,
the school program, Whereas,
to make it easier for all of us.
So long and cold, you're welcome, sir.