Mustafa Khattab – Why Some Muslim Marriages Fail part 3 3
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses reasons why people plan to get married, including divorce, lack of belief in Islam, and issues of marriage. They use historical examples to explain the concept of a woman's role and responsibilities in the society. The speaker emphasizes the importance of fulfilling obligations in Islam, not fighting or compete with one another, and avoiding nosy relatives and attempts to destroy houses. They also mention inter-reassurance marriages and reasons for divorce, including nosy relatives and attempts to destroy houses.
AI: Summary ©
So
I bear witness that there is none worthy
of our worship except Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
And I bear witness that Muhammad
Muhammad
is the seal of the prophets and the
final messenger
to all humanity.
The best guidance for us Muslims
is the sunnah or the way of life
of the prophet,
and the most truthful speech
is the words of the Quran, the the
book of Allah
Today, the good news is
today's Khubba is the last one in the
series about divorce. So inshallah, for today, all
there will be no more talk about divorce.
I know it's a very painful topic,
but we have to face and challenge
the problem we have to reach a solution.
Some people are planning to get married, or
some people are already in a marriage, or
some people plan to marry their daughters or
their sisters. So you have to keep these
ten top reasons in your mind when you
plan for marriage, so in order not to
fall into the problem of divorce.
The
first reason we mentioned last time was
some people, when they get married, they never
think about someone who is practicing the deen,
and therefore,
they have no relationship with Islam. They're not
practicing. So, eventually,
the marriage will end with divorce.
The second reason there's no connection with Allah
after marriage. They don't pray. They don't remember
Allah, and so on and so forth.
In the
In the Sabbath of Rahmahuwadishbaar
al Azawaj, kabaqun,
the fourth reason is that the daughters are
forced into a marriage that they don't like
against their free will.
Someone who is not from their culture, he
doesn't speak the language, and they are forced
into this relationship,
so eventually, there will be a divorce.
The 5th
reason is marriage for the for immigration purposes.
So the brother, most likely, you know, for
most cases, it is a brother getting married
to a sister from Canada, a Muslim sister.
Okay? So 2, 3 years into the marriage,
the brother would get his citizenship
or permanent resident status,
then he eventually will form or will divorce
the sister. And this is very common.
Is Samba al Sadis,
I call Oscar's marriage.
So what I call the Oscar's marriage, this
is number 6. When the brother and the
sister,
they pretend pretend to be someone they are
not before the marriage. He pretends to be
very righteous, very practicing, and the sister pretends
to be very righteous and very practicing, and
the sister pretends to be very righteous and
very practicing, and the sister pretends to be
very
manister, and the sister will realize he has
gotten married to a dragon.
Okay?
Someone who's completely different from the person they
knew before they got married because everyone
is living in denial.
They are not very strong straightforward about the
problems when they talk to the person before
they get married.
Okay? So they are acting. They get the
Oscars in there in in acting before the
divorce.
So this number says,
What we call the zombie
husband or the zombie wife. This is my
terminology.
I'm making this up.
So
they are not fulfilling their obligations in Islam.
So in Islam, the husband and the wife,
each of them has rights and obligations.
The problem is in marriage,
everyone in the marriage is asking for his
or her rights, and they forget completely about
their obligations.
Okay?
And they don't give her a dawari, a
month, and they don't provide for the sister.
They take advantage of her being a new
Muslim.
Okay.
In Islam,
the man and the woman, they are equal
but different.
Let me repeat. They are equal but different.
Equal before Allah
and the law, but they are different in
their roles and responsibilities
in the society.
Allah
created them different.
The physical makeup, the psychological
makeup. If you don't believe that women and
men are equal, are are are not different
psychologically and physically, then, inshallah, you're failing your
biology class a big time.
That they are created different, okay, to fulfill
different roles in the society.
And Allah
created them this way
to complete each other and not to fight
and compete
with one another.
To complete and not to compete.
Sahir.
So this is the way things work in
Islam.
So some people think, and Allah
So in Islam, if you read in chapter
4
verse 34, when Allah Subhanahu Wa'ala about,
Kawah,
the word Kawah in the Quran means maintenance.
The husband or the men are the maintainers
of women.
The word maintainer does not mean slave master,
and the the woman who is under Tuwama
is not a slave.
The man who is a Tuwama is a
maintainer, which means that he is the servant,
that he is the protector, that he is
the provider.
This is the meaning of the word
in the Quran. Some men, in some cultures,
they misunderstand
and they abuse
this position that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has
given them.
So in some cases, in some cultures,
the men are dominant. Okay? They have nothing
to do with the kids. They don't care
about the house. They don't care about their
wives. All they do is to work and
put food on the table. That's it. So
they are
not fulfilling their role and obligation in Islam.
Umma'a'aww
al Hadith al
We know that in the sunnah in Sahih
Muslim and other books of Sahih that the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam was in the
service of his family.
He was cleaning the house,
patching his shoes, mending his clothes, milking his
goat.
But when it was time for salah,
he he he didn't seem like he knew
his his family. He just, you know, dedicated
all his time to the salah. When it
is was time for salah, but outside salah,
he was in service of his community. He
was in the service of his family.
Some brothers,
they forget all this. When they stay in
the house, they don't care about their wives.
They don't
care about their children. Even when they come
to the Masjid,
they pretend they don't know even their kids.
They come to pray, sit, and chitchat with
the other brothers, and they leave their kids
to tear up the the Masjid,
catch the fans,
mess with the imam, take all his candy,
and all that stuff.
So they are not fulfilling the role in
the society.
So there is a big difference between a
male a Muslim male and a Muslim man.
And a Muslim female and a Muslim woman.
There's a big difference between the 2. A
Muslim male is someone who produces kids.
A Muslim man who fulfills
his obligations as a man in the house.
He takes care of his wife, his children,
he's teaching them, bringing them up Islamically, and
so on and so forth. And the same
is also true for a Muslim female. She
is the one who produces kids.
But a Muslim woman is the woman who
lives her life according to Islam, who fulfills
her obligations
as a lady in the house. So there's
a difference between the 2.
Number 8,
interracial marriages.
The if reason is interracial marriages.
Some sometimes when someone marries someone from another
culture
who speaks a different language, of course, most
of the time, these marriages, they succeed, but
in some cases or in in many cases,
they will always
end in divorce because they don't understand each
other or they don't understand the question.
So I meant brothers from, for example, Morocco.
They got married to to someone from Syria
or Lebanon,
and they had a divorce because they couldn't
understand each other. Or someone
from Egypt who got married to a Somali
sister or vice versa, of course, they like
the Somali food, the chicken sukkar, and kkkar,
and all that stuff, But they couldn't understand
the culture, so, eventually, they had a divorce.
So this is number 8.
Number 9.
So number 9 is inter religious marriages.
When you have a Muslim man, for example,
marrying a Muslim or a Christian or a
Jew,
Ahl al Khita.
So when the brother
and the Christian or Jewish sister, even if
they are not practicing
at the time of marriage, when they have
kids, there's a big problem.
Okay? She, although she has never been to
the to the church before, she started to
take the kids to church.
And although he has never been to the
Masjid before except for Eid, he now starts
to take his kids to the Masjid. Now
they have a conflict
because each of them wants to bring up
their kids their own way. Now they have
a conflict,
The last reason for divorce number 10, and
I think this is one of the top
reasons why we have divorce in the Muslim
community,
is the, what I call, the nosy relatives.
When their relatives get involved into
the family.
Okay? The relatives of the wife, they always
talk to their daughter. Okay. You have to
do this. You have to do this. And
the relatives, if the husband they have, they
always step up and they try to help,
and they destroy the house.
The husband and the wife, they should take
care of the problems.
They are intelligent enough. They are old enough.
They are educated enough to take care of
their problems, and not to get other people
involved.
Okay? This is one of the top reasons.
One brother came to me, and I'm not
going to mention his country, and he said,
Wallahi, every day, his wife calls
her mom back home.
Her mom lives 10000 miles away. She calls
her on a daily basis to update
what is going on in the house.
And that was very fun because I know
that the husband was not making a lot
of money, but and it is very costly
to to call back home on a daily
basis. And he said, she speaks for a
2 1 or 2 hours every day just
to tell her her mom that he did
this or said this, what should I do,
and all that stuff.
And I imagine
if the daughter is giving a call to
her mom, and I imagine this awkward situation
that the sister is calling up her mom
to talk to her about what happened today,
and
she will get this answer from the other
line, and it says, you have reached your
mom's.
Okay. If you are calling to report your
husband abusing you today, press 1. If you
are calling to report that your husband was
late from work, 10 minutes, press 2. If
you are calling to report that you never
took all the pennies in your husband's pocket,
husband's pocket, press 3.
If you want to speak to our representative,
your father, press 0.
What is this? You have to take care
of your problems and not to get people
involved in the house.
Okay?