Mustafa Khattab – Why Some Muslim Marriages Fail part 2 2

I bear witness that there is none worthy

of our worship except Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala,

and I bear witness that Muhammad

is the seal of the prophets

and the final messenger to all of humanity.

The most truthful and trusted speech is the

Quran, the book of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.

And the best guidance

for us Muslims is the character and the

personality of the prophet

So today, inshallah, we'll continue talking about the

problem

at hand, and this problem is divorce in

the Muslim community in the West.

And as I said last time, people call

on a daily basis and come to my

office to get a divorce.

Alhamdulillah,

not all the, people who come to my

office get a divorce. I try to make

peace,

but there are so many cases in which

you have to give them divorce or they

they will kill each other off. They're fighting

day and night.

So I try to make peace.

The reason I'm talking about this is because

it's a very common problem in our society.

And the reason I'm talking about it is

to give you a heads up, a precaution

so you don't fall in this problem, and

if you know someone in your family who

are afraid you can advise them to the

best way

to solving this problem.

The second reason

is there are so many reasons for divorce.

And I, Insha'Allah, in this Khutba, the one

before and probably the next time, we'll cover

the top ten reasons why

divorces are so high in the Muslim community.

So if you plan in the future to

marry your daughter or your sister, you keep

these reasons in your mind so you don't

fall

in these reasons that lead to divorce.

We mentioned last time that the first reason

for not having a successful marriage is that

deen

or Taqwa is not there in the relationship.

And the prophet says,

before you get married,

you have to look for the deen, a

person has to be righteous. If you're looking

for a sister or a brother, they have

to be righteous, they have to be practicing

Islam before you marry them.

If you marry them for their beauty, they

may lose their beauty.

If you marry them for their social status,

they may lose it. If you marry them

for their money, they might lose their money,

but the deen will always be there in

the relationship.

So always look for the deen,

the taqwa, the righteousness, the piety in the

relationship.

You have to marry someone who's practicing the

deen, and the prophet

said that this would lead to a successful

marriage. Otherwise, you'll be a loser.

The second reason is there is no connection

with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala after marriage. There

is no remembering of Allah. There is no

salah. There is no coming to the masjid.

People are not practicing.

And if you are not showing respect to

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, how can you show

respect to to your wife or your husband?

You see? And if you don't show respect

to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, if you are

not connected to Allah,

how can Allah bless this marriage?

Number 3, there's no chemistry.

The third reason we mentioned last time was

no chemistry.

Most likely because the couple that got married

at a very end age, they didn't know

what marriage is. They're just mad for the

desire.

They're just mad because their parents told them

to, but there's no chemistry in the relationship.

They don't have any common ground.

She hates everything he likes.

He likes everything she hates. There's no connection.

So in this case, this divorce will eventually

leads,

this marriage will eventually leads or ends in

divorce.

The 4th reason,

we mentioned last time, is when the daughter

is forced into a marriage.

Especially,

your daughter, if she is living here, and

you force her to marry your nephew back

home, she doesn't like him, he doesn't speak

English, there's there's no chemistry in the relationship,

this marriage most likely would end in divorce.

Your daughter will live a miserable life, and

eventually, she will have a divorce, and forcing

someone to get married against their free will

is prohibited in Islam. This is not permissible.

Of course, you can marry your daughter, you

can arrange marriage for your daughter back back

home, but you have to make sure that

you are marrying her to someone she likes,

someone that she can relate to.

Number 5,

marriage

for immigration purposes.

And this is a very common problem in

the Muslim society. We know that our youth,

especially the brothers back home, they have a

lot of problems, economic problems, social problems, political

corruption, and so on and so forth.

Some of them try to do it the

hard way

by jumping into the Mediterranean

Sea, trying to immigrate to Italy or France.

They die on the way, most of them.

Some of them are smart.

They do it the easy way. And the

easiest way is to chat to a sister

from Canada or the US or Europe over,

Yahoo, Messenger, or Facebook,

and

to make a chat for the sister, she

will sponsor you to come here, and as

soon as you get your citizenship,

the same day you get your citizenship or

green card, you say to the sister,

That is thank you, sister. Goodbye

in Spanish.

Okay?

Fa' this is not Islamic.

This is the deception. Okay?

So marrying with the intention of divorce in

your hand is not acceptable in Islam. It

is haram

because it is based on deception,

and a Muslim is not a deceiver.

A Muslim is not a deceiver because we

said before,

you are not dealing with the people. You

are dealing with Rav

they do it also the easy way, they

marry a non Muslim lady. They pay her

on a monthly basis. She's living with someone

else. She is married to him on paper.

And after the end of that period, they

give her a divorce, and he gets his

citizenship. This is not acceptable in Islam

because it is based on deception

to the Canadian government or to the, Muslim

government, and this is not acceptable in Islam.

So it is not permissible in Islam

to get involved in such relationships

and just to get the just to get

the citizenship.

There is no dignity. There is no honor.

There is no amana, amana majiroo, aplat majiroo,

and you have to show respect to Islam,

you have to show respect to Allah, and

you have to show respect to the marriage.

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala summons zarajah through Quran,

wa athadna minkummi faltan bali.

Marriage is a very serious commitment.

Don't take it lightly,

and don't make fun of the ayahs and

the teachings of Allah Subhanahu Wa'ala.

Number 5

for getting a divorce actually, number 6 number

6

is before the marriage,

the brother and the sister, they act. They

pretend to be someone they are not.

They give the Oscars, they act. Okay? The

brother pretends to be a very righteous brother.

He doesn't pray.

He doesn't do anything, but as soon as

he proposes to this sister, masha'allah alaihishim, coming

to the masjid, crying in the salah, everything,

then after the marriage, you don't see him

no more. And the same is also true

for the sister. They're not very clear about

themselves.

They're not very clear about their personality. The

sister also, if she is not,

wearing the hijab, if she is not practicing,

as soon as she knows the brother is

proposing,

she will start to wear decent clothes and

stuff.

Then after the marriage, the brother will realize

he has got a marriage to a monastery.

And the sister will find out that she

has got a marriage to a dragon.

They are

pretending to be practicing Babi Arnaud. And, again,

this is based on deception, and most of

these marriages will always end in divorce. You

have to be clear about yourself from the

very beginning. This is what I do.

Alhamdulillah.

This is what I can't do. These are

the problems in my personality. Please help me

to get over this.

And they will appreciate you honestly.

So number 5, number 7, actually. And I

conclude with this

is what I call the zombie dude, the

brother who gets married, and he is not

fulfilling his role in the house

as

a guardian of the house.

And this happens most of the time with

brothers,

Muslim brothers getting married to a a revert

sister.

They take advantage of the sister, they don't

give her mom.

First of all, they don't provide for the

sister even if she sponsored

the brother, she's taking care of him for

years, and he's not helping in the house.

And this will lie, happened several times. The

new Muslim sister would come and complain, the

brother is not paying anything.

And in one case,

the brother is not providing for his non

Muslim. Why? And I asked why. He said

because she is not Muslim. Why should I

provide for her?

Okay.

So it is not permissible. This is the

mentality. This is not permissible for you to

provide for her because she is not Muslim,

but it is permissible for you to take

money from her although she is non Muslim.

The Sumal brothers have a very wonderful,

saying in this case. They say, batigah ma'ulu

lakid ma'atisanapa.

They say,

I don't eat dead meat, but I eat

the souff of dead meat.

This is precisely the same thing. You're not

providing for the sister because she is Muslim,

but you are taking money from her, although

she is non Muslim. This is the same

thing. We'll continue next time inshaAllah.