Mustafa Khattab – The Power Of Sorry 2
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AI: Transcript ©
I bear witness that there is none worthy
of our worship except Allah
And are they witness that Muhammad salallahu alaihi
wa sallam is the seal of the Prophets
and the final Messenger to all of humanity.
Whoever Allah
guides, there is none to misguide
and whoever Allah
leaves to stray, there is none to guide
the right.
So last week we, we gave a talk
about
the power of sorry.
And, when a person makes a mistake
they shouldn't hide the mistake, or they shouldn't
justify,
or they shouldn't lie about the mistake, they
should come out and say yes, I made
a mistake, I'm sorry. It is not a
big
deal. Because we are human beings, we are
not perfect, we make mistakes day and night.
And the hadith
All of humanity, human beings,
make mistakes. We make mistakes. We are not
angels.
But the best among those who make mistakes
is that they apologize,
and they try to mend their ways.
So, this is a concept that we need
to have as Muslims,
because Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is telling us
in the Quran, Waqul liaybaatiya
punu latiya
ahsaninna
shayyabanayazahu
ba'inna'hu.
Allah Subhanahu Allah says in Surah Isra, Tell
My believing servants to say what is right,
because shaytan is trying to incite hatred and
hostility among them. So let's assume you did
something wrong,
and because of your ego, because of your
pride,
you you didn't say sorry.
One thing will lead to another and there
will be hostility between you and your brother,
or between you and your wife, or between
you and your husband and kids, and so
on and so forth. Whereas, you're gonna have
solved the whole thing by just saying, well,
sorry I made a mistake, forgive me. Alhamdulillah.
Last time I gave some examples
from hadith that the angels
apologized to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala on the
Day of Judgment for not worshiping Him enough
And I gave the example of Adam alayhis
salam and how what they apologized to Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala for what they did eating
from the tree
Yunus alaihi wa sallam apologized to Allah for
leaving his town without permission
Nuh alaihi wa sallam apologized
for asking Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala about the
Hikma for not saving his son
and Muhammad Sallam apologized
to Sawad radiAllahu Anhu before the battle of
Badr.
There's nothing wrong.
If you say, well, I shouldn't have done
that, I should have done better. There's nothing
wrong.
Who should we apologize to?
Number 1, we need to apologize to Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala because
as I said before there are 2 rights
in Islam the rights of Allah and the
rights of the people
the rights of Allah like Ibadah, Salah, Sayyam,
Hajj and so on and so forth And
the rights of the people to treat them
with dignity, with respect, with honesty, and so
on and so forth. And sometimes,
we violate the rights of Allah, and we
violate the rights of the people.
Some people don't keep the balance.
Yas, when it comes to salah, Ibadah, they
are good. But when it comes to treating
people they are harsh, they are cruel, they
are dishonest, they lie, they cheat.
So, there's no balance. Some people Mashallah they
are good,
they're kind and generous and everything, But when
it comes to Ibadah, they don't care They
don't pray Why don't you pray? Will I
treat people nicely?
And I have a pure heart, I don't
have to pray I hear this from some
people Right?
If someone doesn't have to pray because they
have a pure heart
then
Muhammad didn't have to do any Ibadah at
all because no one had a bitter or
a purer heart than him. But still he
would stand at night in salah until his
feet were swollen, and this is an authentic
Hadith because he wanted to be grateful to
Allah There
are so many Hadith and and we don't
have the time to go into all these
Hadith, but this is the concept that we
need to keep the balance between your relationship
with Allah
and the relationship with the people.
The 2 Commandments in the Bible they are
repeated at least twice in the Quran
in Surah Isra
Waqadharabuqalatabuduillahilawalidayniirsanah
till the end of the ayat
And in Surah and
Am,
So the Qur'anic Commandments in both Surahs and
'Amal Islam talk about 2 things.
Worship Allah, don't commit shirk,
and be good and nice to people.
This is what Islam boils down to. Inal
Labina Aamanu wa'amilu salahab Those who have faith
in Allah and do good. So So this
Islam, what is Islam is all about? Your
relationship with Allah, Ibadat,
and your relationship with the people and the
rest of His creation is called Muamalat.
This is what Islam is all about. So
you have to keep the balance. So,
the first thing that we, we have to
do is to apologize to Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala for not doing the right thing. And
I'll give you a few examples.
Most of us,
and I'm not making this up because this
is what Allah says in the Quran, so
it has to be the truth. Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala says in the Quran,
that every time I shower my mercy and
rahma on people,
I give them money, good health,
they have a big house, a nice car,
a good job, I could pay, they turn
their back on me. They don't pray,
they don't do Ibadah, they Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala is not in their mind at all.
But once something, once something bad happens like
they ahu is a child, they get laid
off, something bad happens to them, now, they
remember Allah and they go back to Him.
So we need to apologize to Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala
for making your relationship with Allah just like
the crisis line. You only call Him if
you need Him, but if you think you
don't need Him, you don't care.
This is how people deal with Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala. You only talk to Him if
you need something from Him.
I was a student one day, or in
some point in my life, I'm still a
student,
before the exams came the final exams you
pray one time you are crying making dua
to Allah
and Misha'Allah after I succeed I'll be praying
in the masjid all the time I'll give
salatah, I'll do this and as soon as
the results come out and you pass
no salawntime,
nothing.
So you turn on your word with Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, you don't keep your promises
to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. And sometimes Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala, this is the reason why something
bad happens to us. Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
does not answer our dua to lift the
hardship right away because Allah knows once he
answers your dua, you give what you are
asking for, you will turn your back on
Him.
But if Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala keeps the
hardship for a longer time,
you will be connected to Him. And Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala likes to keep your company
and to keep you connected with Him. This
is the reason why the Dua'a is not
answered right away. Because you would just run
away after the Dua is answered. So we
should
apologize to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala for not
being grateful to him, for remembering him only
in difficult times and forgetting him in good
times.
We need to apologize to Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala
for putting a lot of things in front
of him or ahead of him. Sometimes
as individuals
we put money before Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Like sometimes
everyone knows halal and haram. Everyone knows that
there is a day of judgment but still
they do the haram and they put Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala behind their backs with the
khatumu wa raakum vahhayya.
So they do the wrong
and Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is not in
their mind. Some of us,
they put culture before Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Some put
they put politics before Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala,
and this is why we have problems in
Muslim societies before Allah Allah should come first.
In Surah Fatihah, which is a surah we
recite 17 times every day in Arnamas, the
5 daily salawat. 2 hufash, 4 for the
4 for Asr, 3 Mahar and 4 Isha.
We say
You alone, you are the only one we
worship.
We don't worship the dollar, we don't worship
the dunya, we don't worship the jobs.
We worship you, you are the one we
worship.
You are the only one we ask for
help.
You are the only one.
So this is what we say in our
salah, but sometimes we don't mean it because
once we leave salah, we go back to
dunya. We put Allah behind our backs.
We need to apologize to Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala for
pleasing people
at the expense of our relationship with Allah.
Sometimes
we know something is wrong, but we will
do it just to please some people
and displease Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala because we
don't care. So, we need to apologize to
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala for doing this. And
number 2, we need to apologize to ourselves,
for wronging us ourselves. As Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala says in the Quran,
Because when you do something wrong,
you wrong yourself.
Because for example, you don't do the right
thing, you don't pray, you have money but
you don't pay your Zakah, you have money
but you don't go for Hajj. You wrong
yourself.
We know in Islam,
when it comes to rights there are the
rights of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
yourself your body has a right on you
the people have a right on you everyone
heard the Hadith,
Salman radiAllahu
Islamic Muslim
So in this authentic Hadid inside Muslim,
the wife of Abu Darda,
she was not taking care of herself, she
was in a bad shape, and Salman radiAllahu
Anhu, he was the Prophet SAWS made him
the brother of Abu Darda, after Hijra to
Madinah.
So Sallamandir radiAllahu anha saw her and he
said okay what's the problem? What seems to
be the problem? And she said my husband
Abu Darda
he prays the whole night he doesn't sleep
and every day he is fasting so he
has no time for me. He's not taking
care of his health. He just, you know,
spending all his life in Ibadah. He doesn't
have interest in dunya. So Salman radiAllahu anhu
came to Abu Darda and told him you
are not doing the right thing.
Pray sometimes at night, but get some sleep.
Fast sometimes, but break your fast some days
and take care of your wife because Allah
has rights on you, your wife has rights
on you, and your body has rights on
you. So give everyone the rights.
When they came to the Prophet SAW and
they told him the story the Prophet SAW
said Salman is right He has said the
truth and this is an authentic Hadith in
Sahih Muslim
So you have to take care of yourself
Some of us will
exercise, some of us are workaholic, they work
2 or 3 jobs. I know you need
to, pay your bills and and pay the
rent and take care of the family. Take
care of yourself physically, psychologically,
spiritually, and so on and so forth.
Some of the husbands, they need to apologize
to their wives.
I know you have a lot of commitments,
but sometimes when you promise your family to
take them out, you promise to come back
from work at a certain time, sometimes the
family and the wife and the kids they
are the last priority in our list.
We do this all the time, and I
don't exclude myself, because some things come between
us and our families.
And if I ask any one of us,
what is the most important thing in your
life? We will say without hesitation, my family
and my kids.
That when it comes to the real life,
we put a lot of things ahead of
our family and ahead of our kids. And
we'll focus on this one day, insha'Allah.
So if your wife waits for you for
1 hour or 2 hours you're always late.
If you promise them to take them out
or to visit their family your in laws
and you never do you need to apologize
and you need to give them some time.
Again, as I said before, it is hard
for some of us to apologize. This is
a very difficult thing for us. The ego
and
the pride and so on and so forth.
It stands between us and doing what is
right.
Again as I said, there's nothing wrong if
we apologize and if we do the right
thing. Saying sorry would not make you small
or weak in the eyes of your wife
or your family.
Someone who is a 1000000 times better than
me,
Muhammad SAW Salam apologized. And these are the
examples we gave last time.
I remember the story of a brother.
He said it's a true story.
One day he said something to his wife
and she was not happy. He offended his
wife.
And those of you who are married, they
know that on a monthly basis, the sisters
go through this cycle
and it affects them psychologically and physically.
So, when you see something or you hear
something, just try to overlook because
they are not themselves this time of the
month.
They don't mean what they say, so don't
take it personally.
Because I do counseling all the time, just
try to overlook and ignore until these days
pass, and she went back to herself or
her normal self,
then everything would be smooth. So the wife
said something,
and the husband said something, he offended his
wife and he was very like aggressive,
he said something terrible and the wife was
offended.
The whole day she was asking for apology
and he said no, I'm a man I
should not apologize.
You know our people sometimes we come from
back home we have some cultural
baggage that a man should not apologize to
his wife.
Even if she is right.
So he said no no no I'm gonna
I'm not gonna say it. And for 2
days she has begging him to apologize so
I'll forgive you. He said no.
So in the morning, he felt sorry because
she was crying, and he left a piece
of paper on the pillow, and he left
for his work.
And on the piece of paper, he said,
I'm sorry
When he came back from work and she
said you should have said sorry he said
no writing it is good enough I'm not
saying I'm sorry it is in writing, khalas
this is good enough for me
2 days later
he had to travel to Vancouver. There was
a big, you know, the company was having
a meeting there, and he had to catch
a flight 5 in the morning from the
airport here.
And,
so he told his wife, I don't trust
my phone, wake me up at 5 or
I will miss my flight. She said, okay.
No problem. We missed our name.
So in the morning,
he woke up, not at 5, he woke
up at 10:30 in the morning.
He looked for a wife his wife everywhere
nowhere to be found. She left the house
with the kids. He looked and looked and
looked and on his pillow he found the
same piece of paper that says I'm sorry
on the back and on this back she
wrote for him it's 5 wake up.
She didn't say it, she wrote it, and
when he phoned her later she said, well,
I wrote it, it is good enough. Right?
You should ask so sorry so I would
wake you up.
So you shouldn't have the pride to say
sorry if you make a mistake.
Also, the wives
should apologize to their husbands if they do
something wrong. And as I said,
we are not perfect, we make mistakes all
the time.
So you shouldn't be carried away by pride
if you burn the food, and it happens
sometimes.
You're talking on the phone, you're talking to
your mom on Facebook back home,
and I know, you're talking to your mom,
talking about what happens, and you don't know
how to boil an egg, how do I
do it, and things, and you get busy
with the kids and stuff.
Say things happen.
So say sorry inshallah, next time I'll pay
more attention. No problem.
We need to apologize
for asking our husbands
for things that are beyond
their means.
Walla! I hear stories, people come to me
for counseling.
Husbands have a lot of responsibilities. They have
to take care of their families,
they have to pay for the kids' education,
if they go to private schools,
and the bills, and the rent, and the
car, and the insurance, and it's it's crazy
here.
Especially in the GTA area, where the prices
are going up, the rent, and the bills,
and everything.
It's very difficult. And these husbands,
they have also responsibility
towards their family and back home. Their moms,
their dads, they have to, you know, provide
for them, and it gets very difficult. So
don't ask them for things that are beyond
their means.
Children need to apologize to their parents because
sometimes
once we graduate, we have a job and
and we have our own family sometimes we
forget about our parents back home especially in
their old age.
And I hear stories all the time
and I always ask myself
why is it
easy
for 1 mother
to take care of 5, 6 kids when
they were young
and it becomes difficult for these 5 kids
6 kids to take care of their mother
when their mother is old.
So one is taking care of 56 when
they are young, but these 56 when they
grow older they fail to take care of
1 person, their mom. What is going on
here?
I remember one sister came to me one
time and she said, you know,
she doesn't know how to reach her mom
back home because she has been here for
7 years. She never spoke to her mom.
She never communicated with her mom. Nothing.
And she said, I don't know how to
do it. I said, do they have internet?
No. Phone? No.
Can you send a letter? No. They can't
read. So I said, you need to be
able to communicate with your mom and dad.
Go visit them. I can't. I don't have
enough money.
So I said, you have to do your
best to be able to reach them and
talk to them and check on them.
She said, I can't. I said, okay. I'll
give you one example. What if your mom
dies
and she leaves you a $100,000,
would you be able to reach your mom?
She said, yes. Because I I need to
get the money. I said, it's the same
way. You need to do your best due
diligence to be able to,
communicate with your mom. It is doable. Just
like in case you you want to get
money from them.
The parents need to apologize
to their kids, because sometimes
we make decisions for them and we don't
ask them for their Mashuah even if they
are old.
Sometimes someone is 20, 25
and this is one thing we know for
sure that no matter how old your kids
are in your eyes there are children.
So we need to stop that mentality. You
need to talk to them. The Prophet SAW
Alaihi Wasallam from authentic Hadith, when he was
talking to Al Hassan Al Hussain, the children
in the family, even when they were 5
years old, 5 years, they will talk to
them like grown
ups. Like one time in authentic hadith. Al
Hasa radiAllahu anhu was walking with the Prophet
SAW and they passed by, by itulmar, there
were dates for the poor, and Al Hasa
radiAllahu anhu took one date and he put
it in his mouth, and the Prophet SAW
said, You ali itruka ama alimtaan nana lanaqul
sadata. The Prophet
SAW took it from his mouth and he
told him, don't know don't you know that
Alur Bayt I Ashraf,
the blessed family of Muhammad SAW. Don't you
know that we don't eat charity from the
people? And he took it out and he
put it to the site.
We ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to give
us beneficial knowledge and give us the best
in this life and the best in the
life to come. Salallahu Wa Ta'ala.
So as I said, Islamically, there's nothing wrong
if we apologize. We hurt a lot of
people, intentionally or unintentionally.
Our friends,
the doctor with his patients,
mistakes happen all the time.
The lawyers, the teachers, they may say something
wrong.
The
the scholars, maybe they'll give our own fatwa
because they don't have all the details, or
they don't know the right answer. There is
nothing wrong Islamically if you,
say I made a mistake and this is
the right answer. There's nothing wrong Islamically.
If you hurt someone,
then you can talk to them and apologize.
But say for example, you spoke about someone
behind their backs,
or some of them are lamat, because some
of us, we go to YouTube, we watch
videos,
there are many scholars out there, real scholars.
I'm not talking about people who pretend to
be scholars, but real scholars.
And you read comments about them. They say,
well, this Sheikh is the Dajjal.
This Sheikh is Musayla Al Khaddha.
And people who don't have knowledge criticizing and
defaming people with knowledge.
If you are not able to reach them
and apologize to them, at least tell the
people that you spoke to that you were
wrong
and you have to change the wrong that
you have done.
Sometimes you speak about a friend
behind their backs
and we know that we as human beings
sometimes it is easy for us to forgive
but not to forget.
It is easy for all of us to
forgive but not to forget.
So this is why if you spoke about
someone behind their backs
maybe it is a better idea
to talk to the people that you,
smeared the brother or the sister before, and
you change what you said, rather than going
to the brother and the sister and telling
them, well I said this about you and
that because most likely they will not forget
what you have done to them. If you
took some money from someone behind their backs,
just give it back to them the same
way you took it. I remember last week
after I gave the Khutba about someone and
I said someone might hit your car and
they run, and a brother came to me
and said, well, a couple of weeks ago
I was leaving the Masjid after Jummah, I
hit someone's car and I didn't stop because
our I was late for work. And, he
said if you know the person that I
hit his car just let me know insha
Allah and he will, and he will cover
the expenses. So if you, if you are
here come forward under Bino and the brother
insha Allah will, take care of it.
As I said it is difficult for people
to apologize, so when they come forward and
they apologize to you don't make it difficult
for them
Because you will be scratching their dignity make
it easy for them
The Prophet SAW Alaihi Wasallam said in an
authentic hadith narrated by Habu Raya Radiallahu Anhu
that's in Sahih Muslim
The Prophet SAWH Alaihi Wasallam said
that SAWHAT will not diminish from your money
and if you forgive
those who apologize to you Allah
will honor you, and He will elevate you
and the more you are humble with the
people Allah
will honor more according to this hadith
there are so many hadith in the sunnah
of the Prophet SAW Where he
SAW Forgave People Who Apologize
The People of Makkah after so many years
of persecution they said You Rasool Allah You
are the best You are from the best
family forgive us and he forgave them
the man who urinated in the Masjid he
apologized and the Prophet SAW Allah forgave him
and so on and so forth
Yusuf alaihis salam in Surah Yusuf
his brothers abused him they tried to kill
him, he was sold into slavery, he was
thrown into jail and Afaiyid when he apologized
he forgave them.
Was Safhil Jamir after he forgave them
and he is counting the favors of Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala upon him.
He's talking about the favors of Allah. He
saved him from the prison. He brought his
family back to him. He didn't say and
Allah saved me from my brothers who tried
to kill me. Why?
Because Yusuf alaihis salam is al Kareem ibn
al Kareem.
Because it is not honorable
that when you forgive someone that you remind
them of the mistake they did to you.
And this is why Yusuf alaihis salam didn't
mention the fault of his brothers after he
forgave them. And Karim ibn Karim. This is
Asaf Hajameel
that you remind you don't remind people of
what they did before to you. You don't
remind your wife,
last year you burned the food 10 times.
And you don't remind your husband, You always
come late from work.
You don't love me. Things like this, because
you keep reminding people, you will ruin the
relationship. The last thing I want to say
is
sometimes people do things unintentionally,
and we don't demand an apology, we need
to give people the benefit of the doubt.
And you don't demand an apology because sometimes
people do things that don't mean to harm
you or offend you, but this is the
way you see it. Maybe you ask for
an explanation first before you ask for an
apology.
One time, it's a true story, one brother
moved to a city, and he came to
the masjid for the first time, and he
was talking to people on Facebook. Do you
know someone? I need someone to guide me
in the city and stuff. So Afta Sala
the brother met the brothers and he there
was they were leaving and he got into
his car and
and
so
what happened
actually, that what happened they met in front
of the Masjid and he was coming inside
the Masjid and his car when he lowered
the window there was a lot of music
like, Michael Jackson and you know, pop Whatever.
Pop. So the people who when he came,
they were saying, well, this is not a
good brother. They were jumping to conclusions.
And when they spoke to him, they realized
that the brother was deaf.
And he borrowed his brother's car. His brother
plays a lot of music in his car.
He just borrowed his car. When he parked
in front of the Masjid, the music was
going on, and he didn't know. He didn't
hear anything.
So these brothers, they were criticizing him without
knowing
that he was deaf. But when he came
and he, you know, made sign language to
them, they understood. Yes. We were wrong. We
were jumping to conclusions. So we asked Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to give us the best
in this life and the best in the
life to come. And we asked Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala to give us sincerity in everything
we say and do. And we ask Allah
to give us the power and the courage
to apologize if we make a mistake.