Mustafa Khattab – Desperate To Marry 4

And, you know, they were drinking tea and

talking and stuff, and all of a sudden

they started to raise their voice and

so she said, honey, everything is okay. I

said, fine. And,

she said, I was about to call the

police. What is what is going on? Were

you fighting or something? I said, no no

no. We're just talking about the weather. Like,

but this is how we talk. We just

raise our voice and, you know, but this

is the culture. We just raise our voice.

Right? We do the same thing in Egypt.

We just raise our voice for no reason.

So you're talking to someone in front of

you and

people like a mile away they can hear

them. This is part of the culture. Right?

So all these small

differences sometimes make the marriage unstable,

But again, if the love is there, Muwaddah

ur Rahmah, as Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala says,

these are the foundations for the

successful marriage.

The next point is about age difference.

Personally,

I think it's good

if both are close to each other in,

age.

If there is an age difference, I prefer

if the brother is a little bit older.

1 up to 5 years. This is what

I think.

If the sister is older than the brother,

because

biologically

speaking, physically speaking, the sisters grow,

faster than the brothers. Right?

This is science here, I'm not making things

up. So a lot of people they prefer

they marry someone younger, especially younger sister

sisters, because

this is what they think the right thing

to do. Or at least from an Arab

culture perspective. I don't know how they do

it in India, Pakistan, and other places.

But this does not necessarily mean if people

have a very wide,

age difference,

the marriage is not gonna succeed. Because as

I said,

Khadijah alaihi wa sallam was 15 years older

to the prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam, and

they lived

happily together for 25 years.

However,

if you look at the case of Fatima

Abu Bakr Radiallahu proposed to Fatima.

There was a huge age age difference, and

this is an authentic hadith, and the prophet

refused.

Then I think Omar proposed.

There was a huge age difference. He refused.

Some even say that the prophet told him,

I think my daughter would prefer if you

don't marry another wife.

So they agreed at the time, I'm not

sure if the hadith is authentic or no,

at the time of the marriage that he's

not going to marry another one. Right? And

this is why after, Fatima del Lana passed

away, Aley del Lana got married,

again, or I think he got married to

more than one.

So the sisters have the right to put

their in this in their marriage contract.

This is your right to put in the

marriage contract. You are not allowed to marry

another wife.

Right? Since we are here in Canada, we

go by the law of the land,

but just in case you get married at

home,

this is your right, but you don't have

to if if you have this right, it

doesn't mean you should use it. But in

some cases,

it's up to the sister to put something

like this in her contract

that,

you're not allowed to marry another wife. This

is your right to request this in the

marriage contract.

Allahu alaihi.

I think we should leave now and give

you some time for questions and there's a

third part we can talk about next time

insha'Allah.

Questions?

So if he breaks this contract, does that

mean that there's a lot of stuff, right?

That the lack of action happens?

If the husband doesn't practice?

No. Like if he marries another wife and

and she put it back in the contract.

Yes. She has the right to ask for

divorce

because he

he violated the condition in the contract.

This is one of the things that the

sisters don't know about, that she has the

right to put something like this in her

marriage contract.

Yeah. All the brothers are mad now.

Can we turn off the camera? Because I

don't want to go to jail.

Turn it off. Did you? Yeah.

Type. English.

If someone's

permission

is not required, their knowledge is not required

either.

So which means,

the husband

religiously,

technically

does not have to ask for permission

from his wife to get married to another

lady.

He he doesn't have to ask.

Unless she put it in the contract. Right?

But he has a moral and ethical obligation

to tell his wife. So there's no religious

obligation, but there's a moral obligation

to tell his wife. Otherwise, if if she

finds out from someone else or through someone

else,

he will be in trouble,

big time.

Yeah.

We use this example

for Hajj for the wife.

Say for example do you if if you

are going for Hajj, do you have to

take your wife with you? Do you have

to pay for the Hajj?

Well, Islamically,

you don't have to. Right? Because if she

doesn't have money, she doesn't have to go.

Right?

The husband's obligations

towards a wife include,

housing and food and

and

water, providing for the family and clothing and

all these things, that's it. If she falls

sick, you have to, you know, to buy

her medicine, take to her to the hospital,

but you don't have to pay for the

Hajj. You don't have a religious obligation,

but you have a moral and ethical obligation

to take her with you.

Right? Because she has been serving you in

the family, so you have this obligation to

take her with you. Because what is the

point if you go for the Hajj by

yourself

and when you come back she's gonna call

you traitor, you don't love me, and all

these things. And you get the title Hajji,

but 2 weeks later you get the title

of Mahkom, deceased.

What is the point? You know? Choke. He

died peacefully and his sleep. They don't know.

This is what they always say in the

peep paper, you know?

Yes.

How do many families accept the traditional integration

of the family?

Well

Like the head of the founders and the

father? Some some in some cultures, they are

open to it. Right?

I'm not gonna name countries, but some some

countries are very conservative. The cultures are very

conservative. They are not open to the idea,

but some are open. So you know your

family, if you're open to the idea or

no.

There was a recent case,

I'm not gonna mention names.

The brother was desperate.

He's from a culture.

The sister he was interested in was from

another culture,

and it took me about 4 months to

convince the 2 families to let them get

married. And eventually, about a month 2 or

3 weeks ago, Alhamdulillah, we did their nikah.

Right? But I was able to convince them

and both of them were a very good

people, Mashallah. And the two families are good,

but they were scared because of the difference

of culture and although I think both of

them were born and raised here, and no

chances of them going back to their their

country. They were gonna live here most likely

for the rest of their lives. So I

was able to convince them.

So I think,

you know your family better than me, so

you will know if they're open to the

idea or no.

And

when you talk to your family about something

like this,

don't talk to them altogether.

You have to win some people from your

family to your side before you talk to

your dad.

So maybe talk to your mom, talk to

your sister. If they're supportive, maybe you can

bring it to the attention of your father.

But if you go to the family and

all the

listen up everybody. I'm gonna marry this guy

from from,

Somalia or from Egypt. You know, everybody will

be, you know,

against you. So you have to win some

people to your side.

If some people are for it, some people

are against it, then inshallah you can talk

to the imam, maybe he will try to

convince the family or someone they respect in

the family or in the community.

But the god or the sister has to

be good enough

to fight for.

Right?

Because

I don't want to,

bore you with the miserable stories.

Because if if the guy is not practicing,

there's nothing good about it. I talked to

the father

and at least at least he doesn't smoke,

at least he doesn't drink.

Well, the standards are going very low now.

Right? I mean, we shouldn't even talk about

these things. Right? So the person who's practicing

Mashallah, he's a good Muslim, he's worth fighting

for but if the Succah doesn't pray, he

doesn't fasten Ramadan, he doesn't go to the

Mashallah,

what are you doing? Right?

What is this?

Can we turn off the camera?

Well, I don't know if he can. I

told him to