Mustafa Khattab – AdabulKhilaf Etiquittes of Disagreement in Islam 4
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the importance of listening to others' intentions and sincerity in Islam. They stress the need to avoid interruptions and allow others to speak at a time when it's convenient for them. The speaker also advises not to argue for anything until one is absolutely right.
AI: Summary ©
Allah
also says in the Quran
When
the believers
are invited to what the prophet
said or to what Allah say,
they listen to their judgment,
and they say, we listen and obey. These
people are the successful
ones.
You should
a different opinion,
you should not question their intention,
or question their sincerity,
or discredit what they say. Because you don't
know what is in their hearts.
You know, one of the brothers would say
something, you know, and the brother is very
sincere.
He would say, you know, I don't accept
this God. He is not sincere, for example.
He is a liar.
How do you know?
How do you know that his intentions
Unless there is something wrong, for example, we
have to reject it. But if it is
something as acceptable,
one of the brothers, for example, making food
to the people of the Masjid, you know,
you you you should not say, he's doing
it so the people would say he is,
generous.
He is making Ummrah every year, so the
people would say, Masha'Allah, he is Kabir al
Hajjaj.
You should not question the people's intentions and
sincerity.
Al Imam al Bayhafi,
narrated that Ja'far Muhammad
said,
So this is not a hadith.
But it is one of the sayings of
Imam Jafar, Muhammad. He said, If you heard
that your brother said something that you personally
don't like,
look for excuses
for him.
The brother didn't come to that profession. Maybe
he overslept.
Maybe he is sick.
So on and so forth.
If you don't know or if you can't
think of an excuse for the brother, tell
yourself, maybe
he has an excuse that I don't know.
So this is, you know, how we should
deal with one another in Islam, we excuse
one another.
You should also think, number 4,
what is the chance of you being
wrong?
Because when we talk to the people, we
always assume
that we are 150%
right,
and the other guy is dead wrong.
What if you are wrong?
So you have to keep the door open
for you being wrong,
so don't take it to the extreme.
So when you realize that you are wrong,
there would be, you know, the door would
be open for apologizing.
Al Imam Shafi'i
Bahama'u'llah
used to say
out of respect for other scholars of fiqh
What I say,
I think what I say is right,
it might be wrong.
What other people say, what other scholars say,
if I have a different opinion, they might
be wrong
but they also might be right. I don't
know.
So the door is open.
Number 5.
When we listen to someone
making a point or giving an argument,
most of the time, we don't let him
finish the point he is making. We always
jump to conclusions or interrupt.
Brother Sayid,
why do we have 2 ears and one
tongue?
2 ears and talk.
We can hear and talk.
We should listen
twice as we talk, because we have 2
ears and one tongue. We should talk half
of what we listen.
This is one way of understanding
it. The best example I came across
in the sunnah of the Prophet
is when
Ojba ibn Abiyan.
Or
Ojba ibn Abiyan came to the Prophet
to speak to him.
You know, first he went to the people
of Makkah, sitting around the Kaaba, the Kufar.
They told him, go to Muhammad, talk to
him, try to convince him to leave this
message, Islam,
and we will give him whatever he wants.
If he wants money, we'll give him.
If he wants, you know, positions, we'll make
him elect him president.
If he wants whatever, we'll give him. So,
Ubba went to the Prophet
and he said, you know, Mohammed,
you say things about our gods. You make
them look stupid.
You say that we are ignorant because we
worship stones.
They can't hear
or talk. They can't harm or benefit anyone.
And this is dividing our, you know, unity.
So if you want this, we'll give you.
If you want this, we'll give you.
If you read what he said,
it would probably have taken him about 10
minutes or 15 minutes to say. He made
a very long argument.
In the meantime, the Prophet never
opened his mouth to object
or to interrupt.
It is there. You know, go check it
out for in the books of Sira or
in the books of Hadith.
After he was done, the prophet
said,
Afarista
Abal Warid
He asked him if he had something else
to add
or if he was done talking.
So he said, nah.
Yeah. He said, yes. I'm done talking. There's
nothing else to say. So the prophet
then said,
would you like to listen to my response?
So he said yes. So the prophet
started to talk. He didn't interrupt.
He didn't force himself into the argument.
Then he started to speak and he recited,
Surat Usirat
to him.
To the end of the story.
And also,
you see the matter in which the prophet
spoke to him. He didn't call him Utba
by his name.
We know in in especially in the Middle
East, it's a way of honoring people when
you call them by their eldest son's name.
This eldest son's name was Al Walid, so
he killed him Abu Walid. He was showing
him respect.
He didn't call him by his first name.
And this is a way of showing respect
to the people, although he was a non
Muslim,
although he was saying objectionable things about the
Prophet
and Islam.
In
Islam, you should not argue
even if you are right.
Should not argue
for a long time. You just if the
brother if there's some if the brother is
wrong,
he misunderstood something, you just explain him very
briefly
without using very difficult to understand terminology
and trying to be, you know, scholarly.
Speak to him according to the level of
his understanding and leave it there.
Don't try to
to make a scene and talk for hours.
And the reason Allah called it a hadithin,
I guarantee
a house or palace in paradise
for someone who avoids
arguing arguing
even if he's he is right.
And Imam al Abani said it's a good
hadith.
If you think
that, you know, talking to the brother or
having a difference with him will not talk
you anywhere,
or
it might lead to
something worse than just a mere conversation with
the brother, like a physical fight or
he's gonna call the police. You just leave.
Don't talk anymore.
And I always advise the brothers,
when they have a disagreement with their wives,
they should not try to be heroic,
and continue talking for a couple of hours.
If you want to be a hero for
5 minutes,
then meet your creator in 30 minutes,
please go ahead and do it.
And, you know, in the morning, they will
say in the paper, he died peacefully in
his sleep.
Every time you read this in the paper,
that one brother died peacefully in his sleep,
it means he was killed by his wife.
So I'm warning you.
After we finish talking to the brothers,
we should not talk about them behind their
backs. If you have something against the brother
or against the sister,
go and talk to their face.