Channel: Muslim Life Hackers
Series: Muslim Life Hackers - Season 1
Mifrah speaks about the Victim Mentality, what it is, its downsides and tips on how to overcome it.
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Episode 41 from the other hand, a person with a victims mentality what they think is that No, it can't be fixed. That's the way it is. and poor me. Welcome to the Muslim life hackers podcast, the weekly podcast providing you with tips and tricks on how to hack your life and maximize its potential. And now for your hosts, mira maroof and Mohit Malik, as was said,
Aslam, locals and life hackers, this is new for America with Episode 41 from the Muslim life hackers podcast. In this podcast, I'm going to be speaking to you about the victims mentality. And in this podcast, I'm hoping to, you know, give you the explanation behind it, some signs of a person with the victims mentality, and also some tips on how to overcome it. All the show notes and links that I make references to throughout this podcast can be found at our show notes, which can be found at Muslim life hackers.com slash 41. That is the number 41. Also, before we start this podcast, I just want to point out that during the recording of this podcast, there was a small error in the way I
spoke about the topic. And that is that the term I use was incorrect. The correct term to use these victim mentality as opposed to victims mentality that you would hear me say throughout this recording, so I just thought I'd put it out there. And you know, if you want to read more about it, research about it. And the correct term is victim mentalities. So yeah, that's about it. So we'll just go ahead and start this episode, then what exactly is the victims mentality? Okay, so pretty much a victims mentalities and attitude in which a person believes that it's not their fault. They believe that someone is out there to get them the belief that, you know, people are conspiring
against them. They believe that life is beyond one's control. So it's just a view that says as they view life through, it's their fault, not my fault. And so what information they're getting their life, even if it has nothing to do with this belief, just reinforces that belief. Again, I'll explain further, further in the podcast. What I mean by that point, some of the definitions is that a victim personally, the victims mentality blames anything except themselves when something goes wrong. So this anything can be people circumstances, it can be their upbringing, their past and even objects and things. So how do you know if someone has a victims mentality? Well, I have here with me
seven signs. So the first sign is that I use a serial blamer. So when something goes wrong, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Because generally, what happens is that a person with the victims mentality, they, they fail to take responsibility for their own action, and thus, they find themselves pointing towards other things, people than any other excuse to make it look like it was 100%, not their fault. The second sign is, how unwilling are you to take risks in your life in fear of negative outcomes? What I mean is, Do you find that you don't take risks in your life, because of fear that things will go wrong? And many times is
amazing, many times what you think is often very exaggerated. It's really far from the truth. The third sign is, do you find yourself regularly trying to get sympathy or pity from others, by telling them about your unfortunate circumstances, and sometimes exaggerated stories. So what I mean by this point is, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be going around telling about your problems to your friends and family. That's your decision. But what I am what I am saying is that, is this something regular, you find yourself doing that? Whenever you sit down with anyone, it's always something that happened, and you know, you're trying to get sympathy and pity from them. And this is a question
that only you can think about an answer. The fourth sign is when you see the lives of your family and friends, especially when they post on social media or when they come, you know, when you see them at, say weddings or dinners or wherever you see them, you think that they're more happier, well off and better, and that you're the one with a miserable life. That is the fourth sign of a victims mentality. The fifth sign is that do you think that other people have bad intentions behind the actions? I mean, no doubt. In life, we will come across some people that are just nasty, but generally do you find that whenever someone does something that that is questionable, you think
straightaway or are they Sorry? If they do something or if they say something, then do you find yourself automatically thinking on Look, they're judging me and they don't know how my life is and you find yourself becoming very defensive.
You find yourself very defensive
And fail to you know, just simply ask them. Oh, what do you mean by that? So sign number six, do you focus on the past continuously, and then past events for certain circumstances that are happening right now? So for example, something's happening right now you're like, Oh, look, this is only happening, because this is a way that I was brought up. And I didn't like how was brought up? Or, or was it that, you know,
you did something wrong today. And you think, Oh, you know, it was because of my friends that I had back in school, and they influenced me. So it's, it's this bringing up the past every time something goes wrong in the current. So that's sign number six. sign number seven is Do you find that you put yourself down regularly? Now? Do you find yourself like feeling often very sorry for yourself and feeling very helpless, that life can never get any better than Oh, you know, this is life, and I can't do anything about it. You know, life can't get any better. And you just kind of, you know, don't do anything about life, or just keep leaving pretty much. So that is slide number seven. Okay,
so these are some of the signs of a person with the victims mentality. Now, I'm not trying to diagnose you here or something. So it's not any professional advice, but rather, just some signs to see if you find yourself in this kind of thought, because you see, this is where it brings me to the next point. So you might think, okay, someone can think like this, but it's all in the mind, right? Like, what's the big deal? What's so bad about having a victims mentality? And this is where I want to make my point. You see, when a person has a victims mentality, there are a lot of downsides. And one of the downsides, like what is the most simplest downside is that it's hard to rely on someone
with the victims mentality, because you see, if something goes wrong, then that person would say that it's not their fault, because nothing is their fault. So the second downside is that a person with a victims mentality may be losing friends. I mean, the thing is, when, when someone with the victims mentality, they, you know, every time they sit around with their friends, they're always talking about how they've been wronged and they're complaining, and maybe, you know, sometimes like friends can put up with them. However, in the long term, maybe other friends can feel that or look, you know, this is very emotionally draining, and they can't, they're just unable to keep listening
to that. And so it causes people to run the other way. And also,
they may also find that, you know, whenever something goes wrong, then because a victim, a person with the victims mentality can't take responsibility for their action, they might start blaming their friends, or look, you don't spend time with me, because you don't care about me and things like that. So. So pretty much what happens is that they may lose friends, or may miss out on some really good friendship.
So the third downside is that a person with the victims mentality generally carry lots of anger. And because the reason is that because they're angry at people, or Vince, they think have done them wrong. And so when someone is carrying a lot of anger, again, like it goes back to my last point that I was saying, some people may not want to be around such person and they prefer to be around someone who's more positive. My fourth reason that I have here about what is the downside of having a victims mentality is that the downside is that it is debilitating. So what I mean by that is, it just, it just stops a person from living a very fulfilling life. Because you see, there are two
types of people there is someone like with the victims mentality. And there's also someone without a victims mentality, right? So if I just want to compare between the two, so say, say a problem happened in their life, so say there was a problem in their life, beading, this school, college, their relationships between friends, family members, or anything. So a person without a victims mentality, or what they will do is still try to fix it, because they know they have control of their lives. They know that, you know, I can, I can do something to make a change, I can take responsibility for this. So as they're trying to fix this problem, they may make mistakes, but don't
let these mistakes stop them. Like they just keep, you know, going on and learning from each one and keep fixing it and kind of bettering the situation, from the other hand, a person with the victims mentality what they think is that, no, it can't be fixed. That's the way it is, and poor me. And so what happens is, nothing happens. And that's really the sad thing. And really, if you were to put aside all the other points that I said about the downsides of victims mental mentality, this is the one that I really, really, really find to be the biggest downside because when someone isn't living there, they're dying because you see a plant, it's either growing or it's withering away. And that's
the same with us humans. We're either growing or we're dying.
And that's the thing, that's the biggest downside, because it's just someone's wasting their life. And every single life is precious. And you're listening to this podcast, your life is precious Your life is a gift from Allah subhanaw taala. And so you've when someone, you know, that has been given a gift doesn't make use of it, it's truly, it's truly a sad thing. So putting aside individuals that this is a victim mentality can also be in communities as well. Because sometimes when you you may, you may find yourself in this situation as well, when you're sitting around some people. And then you know, everyone is just like complaining about the problems that are happening in the community.
And then they're like, all we need to wait for XYZ to come and whatever to come and save us all. Or it's because of this that is because of these people that this is happening, or it's because of, we don't have this or, I mean, it's just this victim mentality going on. But but but of course, as a community, they definitely want to follow will give us success. But there is something that we can do, right? Like, Surely it's not just about just sitting around and complaining and waiting for something to happen. Why don't we actually be proactive and spark that change? So now that you've learned about what victims mentality is and some of the downsides to it? How exactly do you overcome
this. So now I have for you five tips on how to overcome and victims mentality. The first tip is awareness. So being aware is the first step to overcoming anything, because you see, when you recognize what is really stopping you from making progress in your life, then you will start to do what's needed in order to fix that. So you can start working towards where you want to be. Now, no doubt, this part of awareness is painful. I mean, it's not going to be a walk in the park, he will make you feel uncomfortable. I mean, it's painful, no doubt. I mean, it's not going to be a walk in the park, it's gonna make you feel uncomfortable. And definitely, it's easier to just deny it and
say, Oh, look, I don't have a victims mentality. Yes, it's easy to deny it. But you know, in the long term, you're the one is going to let in the long term, the person who denies that is the one who's going to suffer at the end of the day, I mean, life will still go on, but that person would find themselves held back. So okay, so the first tip is awareness. If you find yourself having some of the signs of a victims mentality, even if it's just one, just be aware of it so that you can be able to change for the better. So tip number two, take responsibility for your actions. catch yourself when you start making excuses, no matter what the situation is. So for example, you got
really bad marks on an assignment. Instead of saying, oh, the assignment was so high, the teacher was so strict, the subject is useless. I don't even know why I'm doing this subject. Ask yourself, how can I approach this better next time? Maybe that that answer can be, or I shouldn't do the assignment, the week it's due and start, you know, when I was given the assignment. Step number three, remember that you have the power to choose. So make the right choice. There's a really good quote by a man named Victor Franklin. And he says this between stimulus and response, there is space, in that space is our power to choose our response. And in our response lies our growth and
our freedom. So you see, between something happening, and between your response, there's actually something in the middle. And that's called your choice. So you see, despite what happens to us in the past our circumstances, or even something that happens to USA Today, you have a choice on whether you want to be a victim to it. Because you know what, even not choosing is a choice. So make the right choice. The fourth tip is to be grateful. You see, when things are getting hard in your life, ask yourself, Is there someone in the planet that is having it harder than me? If not, if you can't find if you generally can't find an answer to that, then here's my tip for you. Make yourself
some nice tea, coffee, maybe some green tea, and then turn on the internet. Go on YouTube or any other news site like say Al Jazeera or something and watch a documentary in HD quality. It's a bit of experience. And the reason that I'm I'm actually saying documentaries in particular is because the way documentaries are filmed is normally like an inside story. And it's a very human experience that you can relate to, as opposed to news just read by a reporter. And I see by the end of it many times, you find yourself thinking Allah Spano, tala, you find yourself thinking God so. So that is Tip number four. Tip number five is give charity give sadaqa what I mean by is not. I don't, I don't
just mean money wise. I mean, like random acts of kindness, doing something to help someone out.
So because you see, a person with the victims mentality feels that the world owes them certain rights, and thus they get disappointed and angry when it doesn't come to
Instead of asking yourself, what can I get changed to what can I give? Because here's the great thing. And you know, when I was reading this, I was like, Oh, my God likes vanilla. And that's it. And I tell you why. Because the more you give, the more you get back. So you see, if you judge people more, you tend to judge yourself more. If you be kind. If you be more kind to others, then you find yourself becoming more kinder to yourself. If you find yourself being more helpful to others, you find yourself being more helpful to yourself. If you love others, more than you find yourself loving yourself more. And this is the part that just amazes me Swan Ly, because you see, on
the sponsor, Allah, God actually promised us that when we give in charity, it never, ever decreases us. And you see, this is this is an example of it. When you give you get more back, and really, that just leaves me speechless. So instead of asking, What can I get, ask yourself, what can I give, so maybe it can be you know, go to your parents and giving them a phone call. Or if they're living with you giving them your good presence, bring a smile to their face, to your siblings, family members and make them laugh. That is something that you can give, and no doubt, you will get more back. The sixth tip is that realize that other people don't have it easier. Really, they don't. I mean, we're
all humans, and we'll all be tested, be it say that you're a cleaner somewhere, or you're some big famous celebrity, we all have a difficulty in our lives. And I know that with social media doesn't make things easier, because you see, when we when people post post up something, it always looks like their life is good, right? But then think about I mean, when we post something up ourselves, say to photo,
like say, say we took like a selfie, like we post up a selfie of ourselves. If you look through your camera, your phone, I'm sure there was like 2020 photos that you took and one came out God right? Or I'll give you another funny example, say that you went on a trip to some exotic Island, right? What do you post pictures of, you know, the beautiful beaches, the water, the palm trees and right on your status, you know, the beautiful moments that you had, rather than talking about, you know, your food poisoning story about how you ate some street food, some exotic street food, mind you. And, and you know that other story about facing the bad toilets, which was no more than a hole in the ground.
So please don't write about these things. But these are difficulties. These are real things that happen. The seventh tip on how to overcome victims mentality is give yourself a break. Guys, just be nice to yourself. If you made a mistake, don't like verbally abuse yourself, instead of saying, Oh, I'm a failure. I'm never going to succeed in life. Okay, I mean, it really sets teltonika Okay, that was a very wise adult wasn't a very wise action. But next time I should do x y Zed. And also like, say you actually committed a sin, then you would ask repentance from Allah Spano, Poland and followed up with more cookies. Because you see, losing hope is actually a weapon from the shape. And
because what happens is when you lose hope, then you stop doing more good. And you just persist in your current behavior. And this kind of this kind of method that we see in like how to ask forgiveness for our mistakes that we make. for our sins. It's the same applies to like when we make just normally like general mistakes in our life. When we start, you know, just wallowing in misery, then it doesn't make anything better, really. But when we when we acknowledge when we, you know, tell ourselves, okay, we did this, and then we kind of make a situation better, then things get better. So, these were the seven tips on how to overcome the victims mentality. So I'll just read
them out again. The first one was awareness. The second one was take responsibility for your actions. The third one is remember, you have the power to choose to make the right choices. The fourth one is be grateful. The fifth one is give charity. The sixth one is realize that other people don't have it easier seriously. They don't even if you're podcasting. The seventh one is give yourself a break. So that's about it for today's podcast. I hope you enjoyed today's podcast. You can find the show notes for this episode over at Wilson life hackers.com slash 41. And finally, are you on Twitter because if you are, make sure you tweet your love for the Muslim life hackers
podcast, you can do so by going to listen my packers.com slash love. And once you do, you will get a pre written tweet and you just hit the tweet button. And this will really help us be able to spread the word about the podcast and benefit more people. So I hope you enjoyed today's podcast. And until next time, awesome life hackers. Aim high take action and be awesome.