S01E13 – Habits of Happiness

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Muslim Life Hackers

Channel: Muslim Life Hackers

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Episode Notes

Maheen talks about the habits of happiness in this episode. We all want more happiness within our lives, and look for it constantly whether in material things or experiences. In this episode we discuss how this emotion impacts our lives and how to get more of it!

In This Episode, you will learn:
– Why knowing about happiness is important
– Different types of happy
– Tips on how to gain more happiness

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Episode 13 Welcome to the Muslim life hackers podcast, the weekly podcast providing you with tips and tricks on how to hack your life and maximize its potential. And now for your hosts Mithra maroof and maheen Malik.

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As we said, the crisis see

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Assalamu alaikum awesome life hackers, this is me from Arif here. And in today's episode mahina will be talking about the habits of happiness. All the links and resources mentioned in this episode will be found in the show notes you can find them at Muslim lifehacker.com slash 13. That's number 13. Also, in this episode, we decided to do our recording early in the morning outdoors. So you'll notice sounds of birds and some sounds of cars and the odd plane here and there, but we hope you enjoy it. Anyway, let's get started.

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Okay, so my wife Mary about happiness important. Okay, well, could question

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that why do I need that happiness is important is because what happiness seems to be on everyone's mind we're always striving towards it's kind of inevitable, okay, whether in the dunia with our fit, which is this life, with our family, our emotions, lifestyle, or even more importantly, in our eternal abode, that is, which inshallah will be out eternal happiness. You and I, we have this innate need to attain, quote, unquote, happiness. Yeah. So then it becomes super imperative imperative for us to know how to get get happiness, or perhaps increase the happiness that we already have.

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Many people like we find spend their entire lives waiting, sitting around, waiting to be happy, saying things like, if only you had more money, more children, maybe if I achieve a certain fitness goal, or get a better job, like you may met, so it's pretty much waiting for something to give you happiness. Yeah. We we align our

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happiness with a certain object or a certain goal and perceive that this once we attain this thing, then we'll get will gain contentment. And here, it will, it will lead to it will give us a perceived happiness. And in a way, it's like,

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it's kind of like the Hey, Mike, this thing is my source of happiness in the world. So what do you mean by things? I mean, what what can be easy? Yeah. So for example, it could be if only I had like a better car, or if only I had a better job. It's kind of like the grass is always greener on the other side. All right. So we have this assumption that these material things will lead to like sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and whatnot. Yeah, but what's really interesting tonight, is that much research has concluded that happiness doesn't come from wealth. Well, not all of it, that is perfect looks or even a perfect relationship. Happiness is something that comes from within. So this

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is all we need to work on ourselves first, to be more happy. Now this muscle mass on may sound a little bit mushy, but he made up because it's what it's what's on the inside, to what's on the inside that counts. This is where I want to talk about the difference between being happy and gaining pleasure. Okay, so where do where do we go wrong with this thinking then, about this whole putting our happiness? It's something that's external. Okay. Okay, so we know that we want to be happy. Yeah, you want to be happy yet? Okay, good. So we look at ourselves, and we're like, hey, a little happiness would be cool. I'm sick of feeling down over time. What do I get some? So how do we

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proceed in a quest for happiness? Often now, he's a really interesting point, a great one made by Matthieu Ricard in his magical TED Talk, the habits of happiness.

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He says, we look outside, we think that if only we can gather this and that he makes this really cool quote, he says, everything to be happy to have everything to be happy. And what does that mean? Yeah. So I was sitting in thinking about this quote that he said, and it basically reminds me of how, here in in our lives, we just try and we get to this this specific way holding things and the more that we get, we think the more happier that will be, and

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it's just just not going to work.

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It's the nature that we have within us to just get them more and gather more and not be satisfied and content with what we have in the moment. Okay. The thing about Katherine Moore reminds me of the Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu, Alayhi. Salaam, how he spoke about it, like a person would have be given like a mountain full of gold, they wouldn't be happy. Even if they had like another like, they won't be happy then like they would want another mountain, per se. You just want more and more you. So it doesn't really stand that just by getting that we can we have to get the ultimate happiness, because once we get there, we'll see something else. Here something else to

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catch your eye.

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It doesn't really last as like a sustainable way of experiencing happiness. Yeah, it's just a fleeting kind of pleasure. Okay? So tell us more. So this, this kind of accoding kind of meant not hoarding mentality, but this mentality where we associate happiness with things. And this is actually a very destructive, destructive method. Because what happens if we don't achieve our goal? What happens if we don't attain that shiny object that we're after?

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Or the things that we desire? Or even if we do gain that new thing that we want our happiness, or our so called happiness is fleeting. And then the illusion just shadows? Because we realized that, that didn't give me happiness? Like, what will what will give me happiness, maybe like the next thing that I buy or something like that? illusion kind of collapses? So we don't understand that once once we get that thing, where we're thinking, Okay, so I suppose to be happy, why isn't it not happening? So why is that then? What are the different types of happiness? Like? Are they different types? Or is that the only one? Yes, there are different types of happiness. Good. I'm glad that you

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mentioned that before. Because actually, different types of happiness that I want to discuss today are from a talk that I heard by Dr. Martin Seligman, and he actually used to be the president of the American Psychological Association, pretty important Association, I have to mention. And he mentioned different types of happiness in relation to his work on positive psychology. Okay, so what did he find with that? Yes, so three types. So the first type of happiness that he mentioned, was in the pleasant life. Now, what he means by this is that you have as much positive emotion as you possibly can, and the skills to amplify it. Now, he talked about this in relation to material

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objects. And then kind of what I associate his theory with, as well, like, the pleasures that you gain from things, or possessions. So what what we spoke about earlier, pretty much, okay. And it can also be things like your family, and your your relationships and things like that. The second type he talked about is a life of engagement that did this one he spoke about, and this is how I perceive it, as well as engagement in your work, your parenting, your love, leisure, it's where time stops for you. Now, you could be a writer, and you're writing and you're sitting and you're just, you're so alone, you're Yeah, you're lost. And if you're so content with yourself at that time, that point

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in time that you could just go on and on. And when you when you sit up at the end of the day, you're like, wow, we're that time go like I didn't even notice. You're just so into what you're doing that. It's like a happiness in itself. Yeah, it's like podcasting as well. Yeah. Like we're pretty happy sitting here outside without coffee.

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or tea festival frolic. Okay.

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So that's the second type. The third type that he mentioned, is that the meaningful the meaningful life. Now, Dr. Solomon notes that this is the most profound of the three, when you're working for things outside of yourself, for example, of purpose bigger than yourself. And I like to make that alignment with this type of happiness with the deeds that we're doing for the

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doing good things to the greater good. Things like that.

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That actually does stand as a very valid point. Because in our religion, we we have been given like a higher purpose and opportunity to work beyond ourselves. Because we know that when when we do good deeds, we're doing it so that we can gain the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala. And we can be able to gain

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a place in gender. And that's and that that's like such a great goal. Yeah, absolutely. And another point that I really want, I want to mention in relation to these three types of happiness, guys, just just like I might sound a bit nasal, we've got a bit of a colored. Another point that I want to mention in relation to the three types of happiness or happy lives is that only one you have all three is when you find that pleasure and the little material things in life. For example, you need to have a meaningful life, working outside of yourself, or doing something that's meaningful, and you need to have contentment in your work. And then you'll realize that little things that give you

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pleasure, the material things then it seems to have, you seem to gain more happiness. And you seem to appreciate the module. It's like the cherry on top. Okay, so it looks like we've got it the wrong way around then, because we try to find happiness through the material things. And then we, we forget to kind of try to find happiness in like eight years of our life and, and most importantly, we forget to realize that greater purpose than we've already been given as Muslims. Yeah, that's a really great point and we try and work from

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material to meaningful instead of like forming meaningful life to material things. That's a really great way to put it. Yeah. So

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if we were to see like the habits of a happy person, then what? What would it be? Because I know that this podcast, you said such as the title of habits of happiness. So what exactly what exactly are the habits of happiness? And how can we, how can we ensure that we can maintain that balance like a by being able to align ourselves to a greater purpose in our life? And, you know, ensuring that we have contentment in our areas of our life, and then the Machu Picchu associates as well? Yeah. So what do you what were your points on that? All right. So I've got eight things that I want to mention in relation to habits of happiness. Okay. Okay, so So what's the first thought? Well,

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before I mentioned the first four, I just kind of want to talk about like, it took about the these things that I want to mention. Okay. Firstly, I'm not saying that with all of these habits, or things that I'm about to mention, you're going to become super duper happy, over the moon, kind of.

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That's not what I'm saying. I know that there's a time and a place for grief, as well. It's, it's inevitable. For example, after a death of a loved one, it's perfectly fine to show grief, don't feel that you need to be happy at every single moment of your life. Yeah, what we're looking for is

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we're looking to cultivate good habits that will lead to greater contentment.

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Kind of increase the happiness that we already have. Yeah, so So in a way, it's, it's from, from the point I'm getting across, it's that we're trying to find contentment so that he can ensure he can breathe feelings of happiness. Yeah, but but so it's not really like we're getting happiness, rather, we're getting contentment. And just and you know, we can be content in our lives. And at the same time, we can have moments in which we are sad, because of something that has happened. But it doesn't reduce our contentment in any way. Like we are content with the way life is. Yeah. These these habits and are kind of like a stepping stone. Yeah. So finding contentment to finding

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contentment. And it will help you build systems in order to kind of bounce back from this kind of thing. So in turn, by having contentment in life, you can have more moments of happiness. Yeah.

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Secondly, I've tried to incorporate habits for each app. Fabulous, you know, early on, we mentioned his habits for a meaningful life.

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habits for for work and habits for like material things. I've tried to cover all of them within the points that I'm about to mention, but mostly focused on habits to add meaningful life. Okay, and it will take a whole other podcast to talk about the other other types of habits but in detail, so maybe we can do that later. Okay, so I'd love to hear about these tips.

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Okay, it's a good juicy, juicy point number one. Thanks a lot for what you have. This seems really obvious, but sometimes

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we just, we completely miss it. What I'm talking about is set time aside specifically, where you truly appreciate the things that God has given you, and make it habit. For example, I'm trying to make this a habit for myself. Every night after the issue of prayer, which is the mat prayer, I set a little time specifically to thank Allah for the many blessings that I've experienced that day. Yeah, it's a time specifically. This is a time aside from thankfulness that we give throughout the day, for example, you get to work on time, maybe you get to work a little bit earlier, like a handler, I got to work on time. Aside from that, of course, keep doing your thankfulness that you're

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throughout the day to do throughout the day. Yeah, but this is time where you reflect on the day that you just had, and you pick things specifically, that maybe you'd kind of disregard, I can be thankful for them. Thank you for them specifically. And this is where we're trying to nurture gratitude. This point about being thankful to Allah setting a time aside, specifically, specifically for it. It's a really big thing. And I can't emphasize this enough, the second podcast in itself, maybe like 10 podcasts in itself, but what I'm really trying to get a cousin develop a childlike wonder about what's happening in your day.

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And like really, really, truly be intentional about your gratefulness would towards Allah subhanaw taala. Yeah, so that's point one. Okay. The second point that I want to mention is, this is another really big one be busy. This is opposed to being rushed. Okay. So let me For example, I can be rushed. For example, you got you got to pick up the kids. You've got to

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get to

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catch the bus. Yeah, you've got to text your friends and you're like a million things that you have to do and it's all Yeah, get to the bank on time. But you're like cut off times with banking.

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So one minute past, we've shut the door to slack,

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anyway.

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And you just find that you don't have any time to think and the things that you find yourself engaging in, they're not really important, right? Yeah, they're not important things. They're just things that you have to do when you find yourself stuck in them and feel rushed. Right, as opposed to being busy

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in research shows that being rushed puts you in the fast track to being miserable. On the other hand, many studies suggest that having nothing to do can also make you miserable as well.

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as kind of like a negative point. Bad news for people who want to want jobs where they can just sit around and do nothing. Yeah.

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Look at Facebook.

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Yeah, that's the whole thing.

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The Purge is just right, when you're living a productive, comfortable life at a comfortable pace. Okay, Gregory, C. Archie, I think I hope I'm saying his last name, right says in

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this book, this, Intel's stepping out of your comfort zone. But knowing the limits where you don't go to the extreme of feeling overwhelmed, okay, so you're engaged in things that you love, and it's productive to yourself, but you're not being overwhelmed. That's what I mean by being busy, but not being rushed. Okay, so you're filling your life with things that matter to you, but, and such things are keeping you busy, as opposed to making you rushing? And as opposed to being idle with your time. Okay. So there's that balance between that two extremes of being rushed or being idle? Absolutely. Okay.

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And the third, the third point that I want to mention, is keeping relationships with your kin

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are in an article that you should invest in five super close relationships, for example, you isolate five really important connections that you want to nurture a lot. But really, I believe that the number is important here. It's about how much effort you put in. This is where I really want to bring up the importance of parents. Now look, I know that you have heard this so many times. But seriously, when was the last time that you said I love you text your mom or dad? Right? When was the last time that you bought flowers to your arm, or your sister out of the blue? Right? When, when was the last time you sat down with your brother and dad and had an extra conversation that wasn't about

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the cricket or your grade? like think about it? These relationships are what really mean most to us at the end of the day. These are the people that you live with you share space with your blood, you have history, we make an effort to beautify these relationship, relationships with your kids, and make it a habit be equal to your parents, because we don't know how many doors will open for you through your effort in honoring your parents. And we know that being good choking is a commandment from God. And plus, it's also a gateway to gaining risk. So why not? rescreening, sustenance, meaning sustenance of course. Alright, so the fourth point that I want to mention, and there's no

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surprise here is exercise.

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Friends, you've got to do it.

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There's no getting around it. No matter how much you despise exercise. It can be like the shape time for you, it will make you feel better. Just stick with it. Your perception of body image improves when you do it. That you feel a high when you're exercising, this is a good Hi, by the way, have more energy to pursue your goals, your abanda and it really just invigorates your life. Yeah, and know that your body is an amount of from from outlawed, right. So you need to be looking after it. You only get one body in your life. So

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you want to be you want to make sure it's fine tuned enough to carry you out through throughout the rest of your life.

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Step number, not step sorry. The sixth thing that I want to mention is spend more money on experiences.

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This is an awesome point that I saw in the article by Gregory C. Od. He says truly happy people are very mindful of spending money on physical items, opting instead to spend much of their money on experiences. Studies actually show that spending money on experiences tends to make us more happier people. And I want to add to this point, being more charitable giving for someone else really satisfies the soul to make this a habit like for example, maybe once a week, you get something for someone else. Especially when the when you've done this for the sake of Allah, you find that it keeps you absolutely you know, like brimming with good energy. So give us an example of experiences

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what what do you mean by that? Okay, so for example, I want to mention a story that I heard in relation to this experiences point, okay.

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This man he went and what happened to him was, he was in a very difficult situation and someone that he knew distantly helped him out. It was it alleviated a lot of

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Just from his life, and basically his life wouldn't have been the same. Without this person helping them in their life. He didn't mention what his distress was or how this person helped them helped him. But basically, this person was

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a turning point in his life. And he really helped the helped him restart his life. But he never got a chance to say things to the sky.

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He never got never got a chance to thank you friend for the favor that he that he gave him. And many, many years later, what he did was, he still haven't thanked his friend for the favor that he had on him. Yeah. And so what he did was he wrote a letter about how thankful he was to his friend. Yeah, right. He was living a very busy, busy time at this busy life at this time. But he decided that he couldn't go on without thinking his friend. Yeah. And so he took time, aside from his work, very, very busy schedule, and things like that. And he wrote a letter thanking his friend, for everything that he did for him and telling him, you know, my lifetime value, he went, and he flew

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over to see his friend, he up, his friend was in a different country, okay. And he went and knocked on his door, and he had a letter with him, he would open the door, and he read the letter to him. And to them happiness, and joy, and hugs and whatever. And basically,

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they went in.

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Afterwards, these friends were interviewed, and I think were interviewed, and basically found that after this experience that they had with the letter and like, the gratefulness and think things like that. I mean, he's both of the friends lives had increased in happiness, like many, many months later. So this friend had taken time and expense out to for this experience.

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And he was much better for he had a lot of gratefulness that he had in his life after that he was much more happy, as was his primary as well. But he was reading the letter too, as well. I don't know if that was answering your question

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that actually gives him I guess from the story, we can see an example of an experiences so investing money on experiences, as opposed to investing money in things and material things. Yeah. And I suppose like I could mention, for example, maybe instead of buying your kids, or your sibling, like gifts, and things like that, maybe go on a holiday with them, when we go camping together, make memories and you find that instead of like giving them like an iPod or something, like you've got these memories to sustain like this happy bond that you have between yourself. That's another point that I want to add. That's That's exactly what I was about to mention as well. And and on top of

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that, that example that you gave really ties in with your point that you made the fifth point about keeping your relationship with your your kin. So if you're going to spend time with them, and invest in very thoughtful experiences, then that would not only

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you know better your not only allow you to invest in these important relationships, but also gaining experiences from it as well. Yeah, yeah. Okay, point number seven that I want to make is, don't ignore your dream. Now, this one isn't all that scientific. But it's extremely important.

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If God gives you the opportunity to pursue your dreams, and you up to sticking to what's comfortable for you, when you stick into your normal routine, it could result in a feeling of

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misery, right? Like, for example, you've got the means you've got the opportunity. You've got all the resources to go out there and pursue your dream. But it sets you up for living this robotic life. It could result in a feeling which I am very fearful of, and but that feeling friends is regret. I I personally, I hate the feeling. And I'm really scared of experiencing, experiencing it in my life. Yeah, thinking back maybe I'm thinking about my future. And like 20 years time, 10 years time, I never want to feel regret, like thinking back my either me like I should have done that. Like that's a feeling this regret eats happiness. The guy, a journalist from the Guardian actually

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interviewed a hospice nurse, hospice nurse, sorry.

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These are nurses who work with patients who are big going to die, there's no other alternative for them. And about the top five regrets of dying, and the most, the most common answer was regret for not pursuing their dreams when they had the chance. This thing is so profound. The top regret that people have is not pursuing their dreams. These are people who are on their deathbed. And this is what they're saying. Not like I should have been. Maybe that maybe their regret was I should have spent more time with their family. But the main point was they didn't pursue their dreams. It's really a huge report. Maybe Maybe you have a dream. Think about it. Maybe you have an idea of how to

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do it. Maybe you have always wanted to start a school maybe once an awesome business learner

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memorize the Quran, go on adventure with your kids.

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Like,

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whatever man, if you have an agent, don't leave it hanging. Go out there and build a legacy for yourself. Something that you can show us whether Allah, on the day of judgment, something that you did big for his sake, don't settle for the mundane robotic life that we're so comfortable in. Yeah. And also another thing to add to that is one of the things he does what what does happen is that not only you feel regret, but if you are able to do something, and you know, you have all the means. So this one kind of split to two means, then you see somebody else to do what you've also wanted, I believe that would only put a feeling of envy and jealousy in your Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, I

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guess it's, it's resulted because you knew that you couldn't do that, but you didn't do what. And then when you see somebody else, do that same thing, and you're unable to do it, because maybe you got more busy with your life. And there are certain things that came in your life, then you start regretting. And then you also have an envy towards the other person who are who is doing it. So it's, it's not like we're doing anyone a favor, we're doing a disservice to ourselves, and a disservice to whoever is going out there to do what we've always wanted to do. So this is don't ignore your dreams, but also make use of every opportunity that's presented to you then because

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sometimes when we say dreams, it's like very big task and daunting. But I mean, even even the whole world of dreams might put p People often say and think okay, that's like too big and stuff. But if we were to change our vocab a bit and say opportunities, make use of what opportunities are coming to you today, every single day, because if you don't, and you see somebody else that is then you're gonna feel jealousy envy towards them. And not only that, you regret Why you didn't do it yourself. Yeah, that doesn't. That doesn't help anyone. It doesn't help anyone, and it's certainly not going to make you happy. Yep, yeah. So that that's very, very valid point. Yep. Okay, point number eight

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that I want to mention is surround yourself with positive people. Now, you may have noticed that I talked about this a lot. And we were talking about it a lot. We talk about pay groups, because it just has such a profound influence on you as a person, the way you act your character, and definitely your happiness. Because we know that misery misery she loves company. If you're if you find the people that you're hanging around with your amazing friends, wherever they're complaining precisely. They have these horrible habits. You're gonna get down, you're gonna be like, a blob. It's gonna get like, they're gonna take out all the life out of you. Yeah. Surround yourself with

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people who have positive mentalities. It's gonna be hard, I understand at first, but maybe, maybe slowly, slowly start to change your friend group. If you know that it's detrimental to your outlook on life. Your goal was maybe they're putting you down. Maybe they they're laughing at your dreams and stuff like that. And it's really not an ideal situation. To grow yourself as a person. Yeah. Okay. that's point number eight. pretty self explanatory, but really important. Yeah, positive, positive, positive people. Okay.

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So that eight points that I that I'd like to mention today, so just to just to recap them, okay, they were first thank Allah for what you have. But that's setting time aside specifically to be grateful. Point number two is be busy as opposed to being rushed. Point number three is keeping your relations with kin. Setting up doing small things like once a week for for one of your kids. Point number four, determine exercise. Point number five, which is actually point number six. Looks like I made a bit of a typo.

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I spend more money on experiences. Okay, point number seven. Don't ignore your dreams. Point number eight positive people? Yeah, well, I think what is one of the reasons you made that type of list because you were tired was flying as you prepared this podcast that even forgot about your positive person.

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Good implementing,

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I can mean give us an action point, then how do we back what's the next possible step we can take so we can implement these into our life? Okay. Friend, do you find that you're feeling down? Could you use a little bit more happiness in your life? Well, I want you to pick one of these points that I mentioned today, and start implementing it from today. And we're gonna No, no, we're not gonna do it. Obviously. Just let us know how your experience goes as well.

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Okay, that concludes today's episode of Muslim life hackers podcast. A quick announcement. Earlier this year when we launched the Muslim life hackers podcast, we asked you to leave a review for us on iTunes and for every review left before the 15th of March 2014. We will go

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To donate $1 to charity right? a charity that is dedicated to eliminating world hunger, from the law will receive great reviews on iTunes and really appreciate it. The money will be transferred to the charity as promised, and you can find details of it at this week's show notes that can be found at Muslim life. hackers.com slash dirt cheap. Okay, everyone, until next time, aim high take action. Be Awesome.