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S01E12 – How to Recognise Narcissistic Traits & What To Do About Them

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Muslim Life Hackers

Channel: Muslim Life Hackers


Episode Notes

Maheen speaks about narcissism, its traits and ways to improve if you recognise these traits in yourself.

– Why character is important
– What are the traits of a narcissist
– Tips on how to improve if you see narcissistic traits within yourself

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.

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Episode 12 Welcome to the Muslim life hackers podcast, the weekly podcast providing you with tips and tricks on how to hack your life and maximize its potential. And now for your hosts Mithra maroof and maheen Malik.

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As we said, the crisis see.

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So I'm like, oh booster, my package. This is me for America. And in today's episode maheen will be talking about narcissism and the size of a narcissist. You're like struggling with

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a title. And in this episode, we'll be speaking mahangu be telling us about these things. And as always, links and resources mentioned in this episode will be found in our show notes. And you can find the show notes at Muslim life hackers.com slash 12. That's the number 12. And so let's get started. Okay, why is it important? I mean, actually, before we would know, why is it important? What on earth is

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Okay, well, just like typically is like, this kind of like self absorbed person, you know, no empathy for others, you know, always striving for perfection kind of thing. It kind of comes from like, Greek mythology. Okay. Yeah. Basically, like this person is self absorbed. And, you know, they're thinking about themselves and putting others down. And what are we going to discuss race traits, you know, these traits that, you know, we see in ourselves or others, these negative traits that impact our character, and they're just really nasty, and we want to get rid of them? Yeah, I mean, that's pretty important to know that, when it's pretty important to know that when we're aware

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of something that we can make a conscious decision to change it for the better. Yeah, definitely. Okay. So why is it important to know about narcissism? Okay, well, first of all, I'd like to point out that we're not talking about narcissism as in the full fledged psychological disorder here. All we're talking about is the traits and it how it plays a part with our character. Okay, so you're saying that there's actually a little water out there? Okay. Yeah, so we're not talking about the disorder here with like, if you see just the signs of the signs of a narcissist, set asides would affect an average person. Yeah. We've all had, like, a certain degree of narcissism within us. But

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it's when these signs get out of control, become like a bit, you know, self absorbed, and it impacts our relationship with others. Yeah. And the people around us. Yeah. Okay. So, the point that I want to make is that good character is really hard to come by. And, obviously, it's held in high esteem. But whether people recognize it or not like it, no one wants to be associated with someone who's like, you know, sort of like a wet blanket on everyone else, you know, just thinking about themselves. Well, litres of milk is good for the self esteem. Like I said, When left unchecked, it can lead to destruction, destruction. So like, everyone knows what the big loss is narcissistic, or

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goodness, I'm going to be having trouble with that, or podcast. Everyone knows about the big problems associated with narcissism and they're very easy to spot the apparent absence of empathy like these, like a full on nurses who have no regard for others, like what do you mean by that? Like for example, they just cannot comprehend your feelings towards the subject. Okay, for example, they might want to do something one way and you might have a different opinion and they just don't even feel the need to take on your opinion about you it's about me stuff you know what it actually revised to be just what I want you to just get in my head is that nasty boss that Yeah, he says

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stuff that you wish that keeps reoccurring.

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The boss always wants to have it his way. Yeah, so like, what's in my head as well? Yeah. So yeah, that's one of the it's actually quite quite funny how like, bosses are like being painted like that, although I haven't come across.

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Like, about how

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traits can help you be a better manager, but like, that's a whole different story. And yeah, I'm sure there's like some other

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cycles ready to play. So one of the traits is going to be traces of that lack of empathy. Okay. The middle one is like these grandiose plans like they've got like World Domination or like the world is their stage kind of thing. Because this image in their brain that you know, like everyone's at my service kind of thing like valet parking you know.

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Okay, so setting up that you know, every everyone is below this.

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Like they they are the spotlights on them. So it's second away like a form of arrogance. It is a form of

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fraud. Yeah, that's not something you that religion, either. Absolutely not like

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being humble is something that's held in high regard and are highly encouraged within us. Another one of those really big nasty traits is the rage that they express at being caught out on the slight, slight imperfections, or normal human arm missteps, like for example, like, they may have made like a spelling mistake, I don't know. And then they will just rage when, like he pointed out to them. So this is from like, the big characteristics of a narcissist. Yeah, but what I want to discuss in this podcast is the most subtle hints at something narcissistic underneath in your characters, you may not notice it at first within yourself, or it could be in others, but always

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reflect upon ourselves that these traits, if left unchecked, can lead to unhealthy relationships and thoughts in the future. And, look, I'm not saying that these traits are going to lead to a doom and you're not going to be able to go on, but as a character, something that's core to our religion, and you cannot be a person of great data and acts of worship and have horrible character. It's just not going to work. Yeah, it actually reminds me of prophets lie Selim actually came to protect our character. Yeah, that's a corporate differently. So I guess we will move on we see this narcissism, like overcoming it is like help getting rid of these traits or having little fear it's not only lead

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to success in this life, but also a hereafter because it's within our religion that we have to have high a noble character. Hmm, yeah, Great Britain for. So I guess the main thing I want to point out is why is it important to monasticism? Because if you do find these signs within yourself, you owe to yourself and like for the sake of Allah to make yourself like a better person, a better character and be healthier through it. Yeah. And we know that whenever whenever we do something for the for the sake of Allah, and we have sincerity in that then, no doubt, we will be helped by it. Even if some of our traits are very, very big. And we know that within ourselves. Just to be honest with

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ourselves, don't we? Yeah, sure. Okay, so So tell us what are some signs of narcissism, narcissists are? How do I know that I have these? I have these signs within myself. Okay. Well, some of these subtle signs that I want to discuss, I've taken them from an awesome paper by Dr. Craig Malkin, who's a clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School. Okay, you can find the link to that article. Okay. So the first time that I want to discuss is projected feelings of insecurity. I don't mean that nasty. See, narcissists see insecurity everywhere. But you might say, or do things that make others feel a little bit less smart, less accomplished, a little bit incompetent. Tell me more.

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For example, you might have like a friend or something, and maybe they make mistakes often in like, in the workplace, or something like it might be like, Oh, you could give it a good job this time. Like, you have like a bit condescending, like that bad tone that that bad tone. Yeah, let's say something good. But your voice the way you're saying it. Yeah, we used to want to put them down just a little bit, like not praise them too much. Or you might be like, Well, you didn't make a mistake this time. Like, it's like a sarcastic tone. Yeah, it's really sarcastic. And you're using this train with people everywhere. Just let them know, you know, like, you're just not there on my level,

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you know, you're just a notch below. And so they have this projected feelings of insecurity. So they'll try and put others down. So that's one of those subtle changes that you might see within yourself. Are you putting others down? Are you being visual language is kind of toxic, toxic language that you're using with others? And are you putting others down with it? That's the main point. Okay, so the second sign that I want to discuss is a phobia of feelings. Narcissus hate being influenced by others, as they see it as a challenge to their autonomy. So if you have this trait in you, you might win the subject of feelings arise, you might want to change the subject, subject

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pretty quickly, you're quick to anger, it's very difficult for others to understand what you're feeling. So you might be asked something about your if you're asked a question about a challenge that you're facing in life, for example, oh, I heard that, you know, the boss gave you a lot of work. Like, that sucks, you know, how do you feel about that? And they might be you put up these walls and you kind of like shut off you change the subject quickly because you don't want to face you know, insecurity with yourself and feel vulnerable. So you avoid the topic of your own feelings towards the subject altogether. Okay, so So pretty much whenever, like a narcissist would be, we

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hate to be influenced by others because it challenges their self imposed perfection. So they want to

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want to put like a perfect, perfect face to the to the world. Yeah, that's right. The third time that I want to discuss is putting people on a pedestal.

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Seems a bit counter. Because you think that this is the only stat. Not that they would openly say no, like, this is someone that I admire, but they will internalize someone on a pedal pedal pedestal. And so how you would do this would be, for example, you find someone who's perfect and you your logic could be that, you know, that person is perfect. So maybe some of their professional rubbed off on me. So they'll try and imitate that person to seek that perfect image. Maybe you find yourself like trying to mirror someone that you admire, like, to a very, very, like close degree. And kind of like burying your own thoughts and character underneath this perfect image that you seek

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to achieve.

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That's food for thought. Yeah, definitely. The fourth one that I want to discuss is need for control. Now, this is a very narcissistic trait. It goes like off the bat with a point that narcissists don't like to engage in feelings, because they can't stand being at the mercy of others instructions. So if you find this trait within yourself, you when you are challenged or control, it makes you feel it makes you feel that you have vulnerability with yourself and that you're not completely independent. You might have you feel like quite angered at the fact that you need to ask someone for help for something. This is not this is not something a narcissist likes to do. And this

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is where the pride factor comes in. Thinking that you're Hi, and you will be subjected to asking others for help, you really don't want to look weak in front of others. Okay, so the full time that I want to discuss with you is the need for control. So this goes off the battery power nurses don't like to engage with feelings, because they can't seem to be at the mercy of others instructions. So when a narcissist doesn't have control, this opens up vulnerability to them, they, they're not perfect, they depend on others, you know, others have like an opinion as well kind of thing. So just imagine that you're a narcissist, and you've got this trait, right? So you would find that, for

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example, you're going out with a group of friends, and they want to go to this one particular place to eat and you're just like, No, I want to go somewhere else. And you feel that, you know, like, why did they ask me you know, I want to go yell, why do we have to go there? You know, it's like about you and you, you want to have control? Why didn't Why didn't your friends kind of pull back on European Union, you feel like you're the leader and what others have to say doesn't really matter. So you're it's like, it's like my way or the highway, pretty much like and that's this will make you feel nervous about voicing your own opinions if you're within a group of friends and let's go off

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like the dinner example. And one of your friends is like oh, I want to go to you know, this pizza place and I was like, oh, that place you make them feel small you want to being functional, you want to be the leader of the pack, you want to be directing the group kind of thing. So you would be putting them down kind of like giving them you know, a disgruntled voice like you know whining a little bit. So so it becomes a problem really, when it becomes something regular times we do take on a leadership position. And if everyone does look look upon our opinion as like, okay, we should we should we go but I guess it becomes problematic when we do this regularly. And or others Yeah. So

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it's like every everyone is under your control. Yeah. And in all situations, even if family or friends, everyone. Okay, so those are the signs that I want to discuss with you. But be aware, none of these signs of isolation means that you will also assist Okay,

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so as I remarry before a minute.

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The point I'm trying to get across is that if you see a lot of these characteristics within you, it's best to sit up and take some notice and make some change. Okay, so what is summarize these four? However, just give it give to me in a few words, okay? So project feelings of insecurity, you're gonna make others feel low, okay? And number two, a phobia of feelings. You don't discuss your feelings about challenges within yourself. You don't want to be vulnerable with people you don't move on. Okay? You don't have perfect image. Okay? I'm putting other people on pedestals you tend to mimic people to perfect this kind of image of yourself. Bury, you know, your own kind of

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like, characteristics and normal traits underneath and become a perfect kind of angelic face. Yeah. Okay. Number four is need for control. You want to be the boss? Yeah, under control. Okay, great. Yeah, this is it's a lot of food for thought, I must say, to really think about it because basically when we hear these things for the first time, some something's really, really need some thought, and we need to really look back at our lives and think about situations. And I mean, these things happening happening one off, they're fine, but when it's irregular, then you know that okay, something's wrong. Yeah, you need to have a look at yourself and look within Yeah, I guess

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So how do we go about improving ourselves? Alright, so there we go just cried the corner

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All right, so you asked me

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where there's a will there's a way.

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So the first tip that I want to tell you guys is seek the help of Allah. Okay? Make sense you to

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Allah to help you with your character and ask him to make your path easy. And what I personally make the myself to help improve our character I mean, who knows that could be mastered is that Allah blessed me with a character that is pleasing to you. And a meet me the means to me attending the highest of general, this is a personal door that I use when I'm making videos because people don't underestimate the power to I mean, it is the ultimate

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DVD is at the center much to say about that. But shall we'll have it as a podcast, or maybe

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it's something that we repeated continuous. So definitely. So the second tip that I want to talk about is except ammunition and seek to change. So for example, if someone is giving you advice on how to make yourself better, or how to improve on certain tasks, don't just like rebel in rebuff interface and be like, Hey, I know what I'm doing. Like, why are you telling me what to do? Because that's a sign that you know, they're coming up with your ego there. So when someone is telling you that something can be done better accept it, and seek to become better. And ultimately, we should lead to us seeking out like criticism for yourself and changing and just continually, like improving

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yourself. And yeah, personal development can also like parrot part of like listening to others, like when they advise you it doesn't, I guess it doesn't necessarily mean that we have to listen to everything. It's just being being able to listen respectfully. And in taking what good that we can play. And you know, leaving leaving that that doesn't apply, because we all know that different things work for different people. Yeah, of course. Yeah. It's really about having the ability to swallow your pride and listen. And listen. The third tip I want to talk about is make excuses for others. You see, we are often so quick to point out the flaws of others, like we do so in a second

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grandma's like, Oh my god, did you see what that person did? Yeah, we point the finger at their little Do we know that three fingers point back at us precisely. The fact is six satisfaction and knowing that you didn't make a mistake of someone else messed up, like look at them kind of thing. And this is something that really needs to be fixed within ourselves. When you when you know someone messes up, give them a break in making excuse for them. In fact, covering the sin of

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some is part of like our part of good character. And I'm talking about like, if you see HIV robbing a bank, like look the other way. Like I'm covering

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what are we talking about here? I'm talking about for example, even though someone's made like a minor mistake, and they're trying to improve themselves, you know, share that sin from others. Yeah, it's not that you know, I guess so they we we go around telling you run our shoes to be like this. What's upon it? Yeah, like, she know that her past kind of thing is something that is something that we really need to make a good habit within ourselves. Okay. Yep. So step number four is do not backpack. This is a pretty straightforward tip. And it's kind of universal, like, tip to bury your cat. I can't emphasize this enough. Like, backbiting, boo, we, like will destroy you. And it's, it's

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like, it's like the attitudes teach us like It's like eating the flesh of your, of your dead brother. Like, no one wants to do that. And yeah, and it's and and it's a major sin. Yeah.

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Precisely. Yeah. It's not something to just joke about. Yeah. So what when you find yourself like stopping this bad habit, you become more conscious of yourself, or conscious of how you interact with others, and it will also ultimately lead to better character. It's like, how it goes, like, there's so much more that we have in ourselves to worry about that. Why should we have time? You know,

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where are we getting the time to worry about this? Yeah, the fifth and final tip is befriend the right people, just another Biggie, there, your social circle, the people that you hang around, sometimes they have a bigger influence on you than your family. And true. If you're hanging around with people who are backbiting who are putting others down, who think they're the king of the world, it's gonna rub off on you. It's gonna rub off on you. And yeah, you might not, might not notice that at first, you are gonna pick up some of the things that habits and traits that they have, you got to start implementing it into your own life. Yeah. And it's a really strong deciding factor on your

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character. So be careful of who your friends are. And just be aware that not everyone is willing

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You have your friendship, and that that's the point that we really need to think about. Yeah, what do you mean? What I mean is like, don't feel the need to be friends with people that you know how bad character right? So obviously be friendly with them. But don't feel the need to go out of your way to spend like lots of time with people, you know, have like these toxic behaviors and things that would that you might take into your heart. So it reminds me of the the teeth by the prophet.

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It goes something like this example of a good companion. And a bad companion is like that of a sort of mask, and the one who plays the blacksmiths bellows so as for the time of March, then either he will grant you some or buy some or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy the pleasant smell from him. As someone who plays this blacksmiths bellows, then either he will burn your clothes, or you will get an offensive smell from him. So I guess it's like, the bad those bad traits would come on to you whether you like it or not, you don't even notice that. Yeah, you don't notice it. It's just gonna crop up. Yeah. So the five tips that I'd give to better your character. And this doesn't

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just apply to if you see lots of cystic tracheitis, this applies generally, this is different. And it's always a work in progress, always a work in progress. And I think there's something like, we've reached perfect perfection and character, because the thing is, we're going to make mistakes. And we have to keep accounting for ourselves. And I mean, look into ourselves and worry about our own mistakes. I mean, you don't have time for other people's time. True. Honesty, obviously sound a lot like we have certainly mistakes. Okay, but as with any Muslim had some luck, his podcast gives us an action point. Okay, me and my friends. If you see some of these characteristics within yourself,

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make a promise to yourself. And to also on top of that you're going to act upon it and implement some of these steps to better your character and your marriage. Okay, that concludes today's episode off the Muslim life hackers podcast, as mentioned earlier, shownotes are at Wilson lifehacker.com, slash 12. And finally, are you on Twitter? Because if you aren't, we really want you to help us get the word out there about this podcast. So if you can tweet about our show, you can do that with a pre written tweet that we've made, and you can access it by going to Muslim life hackers.com slash tweet and just hit the tweet button that your friends do. They'll be a great way to let more people

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benefit from this podcast. so crazy. Good. Okay, so until next time, aim high, take action and be awesome.

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