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S01E09 – Why You Need to Put Yourself First

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Muslim Life Hackers

Channel: Muslim Life Hackers


Episode Notes

In this Podcast episode Mifrah Mahroof talks about why you need to put yourself first and why it is important to do so.

In This Episode, you will learn:
– Why it is important to put yourself first
– The benefits of putting yourself first
– 3 steps on how to get started

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.

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episode nine. Welcome to the Muslim life hackers podcast, the weekly podcast providing you with tips and tricks on how to hack your life and maximize its potential. And now for your hosts Mithra maroof and Mahima lake.

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As we said, the crisis see

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in this episode, I'm going to be asking me for all about why we need to put ourselves first and why it is important to do so. All the notes and resources mentioned in today's episode can be found at Muslim life forward slash nine. Number nine. All right, let's get started putting yourself first it sounds a little bit selfish and seems to go against concepts that were taught about like selflessness and giving all the time Yeah, it does when when we actually read about it, the first like just a physical cat. It does sound very selfish. And it's like, you know, we're trying to prove it something that you know, it's all about you. But it's not at all because the

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thing is being selflessness itself is very noble, but the moment it turns into self neglect, that's the point in which you're hurting yourself, and it eventually backfires on you. And that is the that is the point that we we tell someone, okay, now it's time to look after yourself. So the point is, once you've cited neglect yourself, that's when we need to, to sort of assess what we're what we're doing with ourselves. Yeah. And that's where the whole message of putting yourself first comes in. And even if the, the actual thing about putting yourself first sounds too selfish or too hard, then look at it, look at it this way, as in putting yourself on an equal footing with those who you'd

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love and tend to. And if it's not people, then you know, a project or something in which you spend you, you keep giving to put yourself in equal footing, talk a little bit more. So there's also an opposite thing to be self selfless, and where it turns into self neglect, and it's called narcissism.

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Yes, it's all about You're so preoccupied, preoccupied with yourself and you don't care about others. And that's a total opposite of what I'm going to speak about today. Maybe we can discuss this in another podcast. If you want to hear about this topic, just give us sentences tweet. Whenever I think of like narcissism, I think of like, this guy's during tomorrow, like kind of making duck faces like taking pictures.

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selfies. All right, tell us a little bit more. Okay. Certainly he I want to ask you a question, because I noticed after Saturday, you're gonna ask me, but questions like that. You mean, tell me where was the last place you traveled? And don't worry for those listening. So it could be a traveling podcast.

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The last place was a while ago, maybe like a year, almost two years ago, I went to hedge. Yeah. So I went to Mecca, the first one to Abu Dhabi. Okay, cool. So when you know, when you took off from Sydney Airport, and you're sitting in your flight,

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please, sitting Yeah. Okay. So what did the flight attendant tell you at the start of your journey? What were you told at that point? All right, observe the seatbelt sign. And then of course, Accenture procedures like for going down, like put on your oxygen mask,

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before your child or whatever, and then don't stand up.

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So that's exactly what I want to point out and use this as an example. You see when we're flying in the air. And what happens is that when we start flying, the before we take off, there are some safety procedures. And the flight attendant tells us that in an event of an emergency, then there are these things that come out, which are the oxygen masks, and they clearly say attend to yourself before you attend to your children. Okay, yep, yep, definitely. Yeah, you notice I have had I said that. And I noticed in the story that didn't say, put your get get, put your oxygen mask on, and also your life jacket on the way close your tray, take off your seatbelt, all it said was attend to

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yourself for your oxygen mask to the bare minimum, then help your children. Okay, so get that out of the way before you know. So. So pretty much what this story teaches us is that putting yourself first means making it a priority to take care of your needs. It doesn't necessarily mean your wants. Although if you do get time to be able to do that, then that's that's also healthy, it does contribute to making you a happy individual. But the minimum is needs look after your needs. First, why is it Why is it important to take care of ourselves? So I have here some reasons on why it's so important. And first of all, we have to realize the importance of it because it's easy to feel

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guilty and think it's okay, I'll put myself last but when we realize the consequence of our action, yeah, then he will make us think okay, this, this needs to stop or this needs to change. So remember consequence being like, let's go back to the lecture. The story. Yeah, like putting your child's mask on first. Yeah. Could subsequently mean that you know, you wouldn't make it through or something like that. Yeah. And that and that would also mean that if you put your child's oxygen mask first and you fail to take care of yourself, then you will be in a position to help your child say if there was an something else

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You had to do. So at the end of the day, you was like, you lose both ways you didn't take care of yourself and you couldn't, you couldn't be there for your child to you know, further system should the situation required vermelha protect us from average electric that situations like situations like that I wouldn't be caught it. So the theory, okay, so some reasons, first thing is that the back we were mentioned here, you can't help others when you fail to look after yourself. So like, like this example of the flight attendant, you know, when when we keep giving, giving, giving. And it's also it's, it's not only with looking after children, I'm going to be continuously making that

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example. But this same example can also mean to like, giving to like a project we're in or to, to our businesses, because you know, when we're really into something we put our heart into it. Yeah. And Either way, it's, it's like a child, our baby, yes. So but then if we keep giving, giving, giving, then eventually we'll burn out. And like the flight example, we lose our oxygen. And we're useless, really. So what else? So the second, the second reason why it's important to put yourself first is that, because your body has a right over you, I'm sure you're familiar with the narration from the life of the Prophet salallahu alaihe. Salam. In it, there was a companion who fasted all

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night, and he stood all night, a lot faster. Sorry, not all night, all day. Yeah, and stood all night in prayer. And the Prophet sallallahu wasallam advised him not to do that, instead told him advise him towards moderation. And he said fast sometimes and leave other times. And he goes, pray at night and sleep at night. And then he mentioned a very important line that I want to highlight here. He says, your body has a right over you. Yes, we hear this a lot. Yes, in our religion, your body has a right with you so fast. Yes, you can give but when when you don't fulfill your own rights, then you're failing to take care of that, that that Amana, which is like, it's like a trust

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that Allah Subhana Allah has given you to look after, and this is our body. So these, these, these things have arrived over. So we have to make sure that everything's in balance. And one thing isn't inflicted at the expense of others. But we'll we'll speak about that more and find out how to get a balance, right. So another reason is, this sends a subconscious message to others, every time, the reality is that every time you respect, like you put your needs last, then you're telling you're sending a subconscious message to everyone that your needs can wait, your needs can be delayed, because then they're not important now. So the reality is, if you want others to respect your needs,

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then you need to be the first one to do that. And I guess this also leads, if people have this perception of you, you're very easy target to be taken advantage of. Yeah. And you know, when when when you did it to yourself, and others feel that it's okay, like, you know, they can wait this, eventually they start taking things for granted. And the thing is, you can't blame them. It's not that, you know, go get angry at your family members, or because this is happening. Rather, it's because you said that.

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Yeah, you said, Rob, but the good news is you can you can stop it as well, you can change it as well. And it really lies, it really depends on you. The fourth reason is that when you look after yourself, in turn, allows you to be more giving. And what I mean by this is that when when you are unhappy, because obviously when you don't take care of yourself, it's going to have an effect on mood, when you're unhappy, you're less likely to do things for other people. And what happens is you start to resent yourself and even resent the person or the project itself that you're working in. And resentment can cause a mother to take a frustration on her children get angry at them for no,

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like really small reasons that back that wasn't really needed. Resentment can cause the person in, say, a Dell project or a charity, etc, to compromise on their sincerity. And so speaking about projects, the bike sometimes I fall into this as well when I'm working on the computer, and I'm so into my work that I don't drink water, and what at the end of the data fits my abilities to work more efficiently. And really, if I had just spent that like few minutes getting up getting water, putting it next to me and drinking it, I would have saved more time. So I would in turn be able to give more to my project. So by first looking after ourselves, we are better able to look after

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others as an extension. Yeah, they look after others better give On the flip side, if you have taken care of yourself, then yeah, you have more heart soul energy to give to others and things. And one thing is that just because you're taking care of yourself, it doesn't mean it has to be at the expense of others, you can do both. But it first starts off with making a choice that you're gonna take care of yourself. And you can take care of others at the same time. So don't think that it's about you know, me or them. Yeah, it can be you and them. So the fifth point was, you can actually empower others. So what I mean for this is that this, this point would actually be more this point

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would hold true for example, when you're caring for members of family or children, etc. So when you make it a when you start making a priority to take care of yourself, you find that you need to do a few things to create that time and one of these things you might find you

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Stop doing especially when you don't have enough time to get some me time, you start asking help from family members, children, like younger siblings. And when you do this, what happens is that you need to teach them what you want to have done. So for example, say you have teenage children that you still have their clothes for them. Yeah. Shame on you children. So then what what would happen is you found that okay, I can use that time. So when you give that responsibility to them, and you teach them, then in turn, you're teaching them skill. Yeah. And this in turn allows them to, empowers them to be able to rely on themselves. Yep. So in the future, they need to iron the eclipse

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deck, they have that skill to be able to do it themselves. And it just reminds me of the quote of that. give a man a fish, yes. 30 per day teach a man to fish in your favor lifetime. Obviously, I'm not talking about fish or food at this point. But what? Yeah, what I mean by this is you've taught them something, a skill that they can use for life. Yeah, definitely. So now that we know the reasons why, why is it important to be selfless? What does it mean to put myself first and take care of myself. So there are three things that we need to balance and these these are just guidelines. And you know, you should see, you should really evaluate your own life. If you feel that you're

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falling into this, in which you keep putting yourself last, then you need to see what I need to do in order to have my needs satisfied. So what are these things that we need? First thing would be your soul and body and mind. So soul body mind? Three things. So some questions you can ask yourself is, for example, your soul, you can ask how is my spirituality? How often do I find peace and tranquility, say during an act of worship? And if it's like been a long time since I've found any, then maybe I need to take some time out to pray properly, to recur and to be able to learn its meaning its message, make the war gain knowledge, maybe listen to a lecture. This This might this

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like the set state of my soul, if it's very, very like because obviously we know that there's ups and downs, yeah, how we were speaking about motivation. And you know, the thing is, even with us beliefs, which it will have ups and downs, but what I mean here is like, consistently, like has it been like days and days and days in which you just can't connect? Yeah, then you need to ask yourself the question, step back and ask yourself and be honest with yourself. So the next thing is your body? Um, how am I feeling? In what state do I wake up in? How often do I wake up tired and lethargic? This like I said earlier? Is it something happening constantly Yeah, and if that's the

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case, then maybe I need to eat well take some time to exercise and take some time to look after my body. And the last thing is mind because you know, we do experience a lot of stress and so how do we evaluate that? So he asked us of how is my state of mind so for example, is my mind flowing with information maybe I need to write in a diary a bit and just journal it out? And like put it put it on paper? Because it helps us get over clutter up? Yeah. Or is it that my mind is too tired to think so maybe I just need to do something relaxing you just go blank. Maybe you know, you're you're quoting a project or part of like, the lifestyle living, you have to use your mind so much. And this

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is like you just want to kill you just want to think about nothing. So do something relaxing, take a bath, whatever works for you. Another one can be it's not mine, to the deadlines to this, you know, what, what should I cook for this week? Yeah.

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If that's the case, maybe I need to take some time to organize myself and plan ahead for the week because we know you know, making a decision is actually very liberating. Yeah, and when we have all our decisions planned, then we don't have to experience the anxiety that in there definitely when it's like, oh, you know, I get this all the time. When I'm thinking about the week ahead. I'm like I have so much to do. And I feel really anxious once I sit down and set aside say about 1520 minutes sit down calendar, calendar, it all in schedule on that I feel much more relaxed. I'm like I can take on this week. I'm good. Yeah. It really saves saves us that stress and allows our mind to be

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more focused and I've been doing the same as Bob whenever I have to plan ahead for a week I'll just put down the tasks that I have to get done. And I spend very little time looking at my other dead deadlines because the way it will work is that what I plan for my week I have an overview look at all the deadlines that are coming up and I will put it into my okay what I have to do for this week, and if anything else comes up obviously you adjust, but the fact that there is some basic plan there in place, you feel more in control in districts. So another thing you can like for your mind, is that you ask yourself is my mind being intellectually stimulated? So this is actually really

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important because we we are people like we are human beings that we need to learn we have because it allows us to grow. And if we're not learning then that can affect the quality of life is stagnant. You don't say my is my mind intellectually stimulated. If not, then maybe I need to sit down and take some time and read some books and find some good articles or blogs, and another

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People try to find their reading time on Facebook or social media. But is that really enriching to your life? I don't think so. Yeah. Because a lot, not the times the posts on social media say so if it's very small, they don't normally like snack. They normally like snack sizes. Yeah, like snack brainfood, you can say. So there's it's just not as fulfilling as reading, let's say a longer piece or something that would really like mind to think and

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reflect on an important part of being a Muslim is that we ponder upon things and actually think a bit for ourselves. So some great questions to ask ourselves about mind, body and soul. So what are some tips to get started on being more conscious about ourselves? Okay, so the first thing is to first make a choice that take care of yourself, it's important, okay? And please don't feel guilty about it. Because you at the end of the day are human beings. And

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need to see you at the end, our human beings deserve to be loved taken care of, if you need to make a conscious decision first to do that. Because you acknowledge that, yes, you're worthy of your of your own potential. Yeah, you are worthy to be taken care of. And it's fine. And this is something that because I know that when I've seen this in mothers how they feel very guilty and sacrificing, but but in turn, when, you know, in the middle of doing like research for this podcast, like I was actually reading about, like mothers, how they have, they have found ways to justify that taking time off for themselves, and they will in turn, were able to be better mothers. Because you by

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thinking about themselves. Yeah, by taking a bit of time off. Okay, interesting. So So the second thing you do is dedicate the least 30 minutes daily for family time. So some of some of these mothers are speaking about. And I'm not just back, it's not just mothers about this is for everyone. But reason I'm mentioning mothers is because mothers generally have like a very, like a busy, busy, busy day and really hard to find time. So what they would do and we can also learn from is that they wake up 30 minutes earlier than everyone else and a lot have said that it's worth it, even if it's like so cold to get out of bed that 30 minutes has made them more happier individuals and be able to

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give more so 30 minutes of some dating me time. Find it anyway, during the day. Okay, so waking up a little bit earlier in the day, if you want to find out a bit more about waking up early, and how to utilize that time just check out our podcast on mornings and what to do if you don't have a to do list and really recently answered that listening question on it. So that's point number two. So what's the third step that we can take? Okay, so the third step is use 30 minutes to work on one or all three of your areas that you want to take care of yourself. So mind, body and soul. So you know, sometimes it's possible to get all three of them done. It just depends on how much time you can set

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aside yourself and everyone is different. And for example, you it is possible to exercise while listening to something and say to podcast or civil attackers or, or even if it's an audio book that's more visually stimulating for your lecture, then that is taking care of your body and your mind. And the next thing you can do is writing your journal while you cool down from the exercising. So that's like clearing your mind. And the next thing you can do is eat a good breakfast. And you can ended up by praying two units of prayer followed by making dua asking Allah subhanaw taala to grant you success in the day and make your affairs easy for you. That's the spiritual side. So you

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can get all of all three done and that would take around one hour. Perfect Saturday. Yeah, it's a perfect, perfect way to start in the day. And no doubt you would, you would have a very positive effect on you. But always stick with what works for you. Even if it's like maybe for 20 to 30 minutes, even if it's 20 minutes, you start off with something just make sure you set aside some time to do it. Yes, satisfied sometimes don't make make it fun. So you can look forward to it feel like some sometimes some exercising might not be fun. So choose something that's fun or you know, make it interesting for yourself. Thank you for this some really great tips to get us started. So

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let's just have a recap. First make the decision that you're going to take care of yourself. It's kind of like a statement to yourself that yes, I'm going to do it I'm worth it because you're worth it. You know the commercial and second tip was dedicate at least 30 minutes daily for some me time. third tip was use this time to implement one or all three of the kind of me sections like Mind, body or soul. Yeah. So you need to do one. Yes, you need to do one of the three or all of them. Just make sure you're touching base on all of them. Yeah, great. Great. Okay, so that wraps up today's episode of the Muslim life hackers podcast. As I said earlier, our episode shownotes can be found at some

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life forward slash nine. That's the number nine. Finally, if you have enjoyed this podcast and tweet about it by going to some forward slash twit and putting a link to the show this

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will help us get the word out and really helps us to bring more benefits. Until next time, aim high take action and be awesome.