Muslema Purmul – How To Interact With A Muslim Woman

Just because you're okay with talking to the sisters and you

have a sense of comfort dealing with them, that's that's not bad

or wrong in and of itself. If you feel comfortable looking at them

in the wrong way, then that becomes a problem, right? So you

can look at someone and it's like looking into the face of your

sister looking into the face of, you know, a cashier at a grocery

store. It's a very it's a it's a casual, normal interaction, and

that's fine. It's a comfortable interaction, and that's fine. But

then there's a different look, and that's actually in the Quran, when

it says to lower your gaze, it doesn't just say lower your gaze.

It says the word that's used is min so it's lower from your gaze.

And the scholars say that this refers to that. I mean, this

indicates that all of the gaze is not prohibited, just a specific

part, which is to look at someone in an inappropriate manner or to

look at something that is forbidden to look at in the first

place. So if the sisters you're dealing with, you're looking at

them while you're talking to them, but again, you're not doing so

with that particular, you know,

lustful look, then that should be fine, inshallah. But some of the

scholars have also mentioned that it's good to lower your gaze, not

like preemptively. So even if you're not attracted to the

sister, even if her out is covered, doesn't mean you have

tunnel vision, which is what I see a lot of people trying to do, and

what I used to do myself, actually, when my husband and I

were interacting in the MSA, when I was in college, nobody knew we

were talking to each other because of how far we stood and how we

were looking in opposite directions, it was the most

awkward thing on earth. That is not what Islam is like. So

literally, in passing period, people would walk through us

because they didn't know that we were having a conversation. That's

how distant we were and how awkward we were, not even facing

each other to deal with MSA things. So that's not necessarily

like the paradigm we're trying that's not healthy, right? And you

can only imagine how problematic that is for someone that you're

trying to introduce Islam to in terms of the greater community and

society that you're in. So this is my advice, is it's, you know, it's

okay to be comfortable, but it's not. It's to guard yourself from

getting too comfortable, not just in like, to the extent that you

would start to look at them in the wrong way, but also in speech.

That's actually, I think, where more people would mess up

initially, is you get comfortable. So then you start talking about,

like, all sorts of different things, and you start people get

into their personal lives and like, matters that really have

nothing to do with MSA. And so just, you know, the having a

formal friendship, the way that you would maybe deal with people

at a company, right? If you go to work, it's considered like tab or

it's considered like not good work ethic or work manners to talk

about your personal life, for example, at work. So

just keeping some of these things in mind, where you don't get so

comfortable, where your speech can take you to places that they

shouldn't take you. And it's a slippery slope. So when you start

to see, you know, certain areas open up too easily, then that's

that's kind of where you pull yourself back. A nice indication

that one of the scholars mentioned about our overall place with Allah

subhanaw taala, because this is where Hayat comes from, is when we

are making mistakes in the way we deal with the creation of Allah

and in the way that we're dealing with Allah Himself, we actually

start to see prayer and worship as being more difficult. But when

we're dealing with the creation of Allah, subhana wa taala, really

from a paradigm of loving Allah and being considerate for His

creation, then we yearn to worship. We love to pray. We love

to go to prayer. So a good sort of overall measurement of like is the

way I'm dealing with people, okay, is, well, do I want to love? Do I

want to worship my Lord? Do I love the idea that it's time to pray,

or is it something I'm turning away from, or I feel like it's

heavy right now, if it's heavy, then maybe there's something in

our behavior that lacks Viktor of Allah, subhana wa taala.