Musleh Khan – The Marriage of Zayd and Zainab Part 2 – Al-Ahzaab Unveiled – Class 8
AI: Summary ©
The conversation discusses the importance of maintaining intimacy in marriage, as it is crucial for healthy sex and couples to avoid abuse. It touches on the history of intimacy and the need for effort to achieve it. The fragrance of a fragrance went by and the success of marriage in society is highlighted, with no recommendation for marriage. The age gap between two women and the importance of women in marriage is also discussed, with no recommendation for marriage.
AI: Summary ©
Bismillah, alhamdulillah, wassalatu wassalamu ala rasulillah, alayhi afdalus
salat, wa min wala amma ba'ad.
Okay, we have done this verse.
Actually, no, we are coming towards the end
of this verse.
Okay, let's go back.
Very quick review, overview of verse number 35.
That indeed Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells
us, indeed, surely we talked about Muslim men
and women.
We talked about believing men.
We talked about believing women.
We talked about the distinction between the two.
We also discussed the truthful, excuse me, the
devout men and women, walqanitin walqanitat.
I believe I have it here.
There we go.
So, qanitin walqanitat, those that are, we mentioned,
that have energy and thirst and hunger.
They are enthusiastic in obeying Allah.
This is the separator when you are with
believers.
One of the ways that you know that
somebody really excels above and beyond other Muslims.
Okay, we are all average layman Muslims.
But then there are pockets of Muslims that
just excel and do more.
Their piety is at a higher level.
One of the signs of that is, you
see this, you see this like energy and
desire.
When they go to the masjid, they don't
just take their time.
They don't just hang out in the car
and finish up that call and be like,
no, no, no, I know they're in the
second rak'ah, just finish this up real
quickly.
No, they're like, listen, call you back.
Or they don't answer their phone.
Their mind is always, when it's time to
do something for the sake of Allah, that
takes priority over anything.
They don't care what job they have, what
school they go to, if they have an
exam or not.
Doesn't matter.
As long as it is time for them
to fulfill an obligation with Allah, that is
their number one priority.
That's called qanitin and qanitat.
And then the ayah continues, wal-sadiqina wal
-sadiqat, which we've already discussed, the truthful ones.
wal-sabirin wal-sabirat, we've already discussed.
Then we come with wal-khashi'in wal
-khashi'at, here.
Those that are in awe and overwhelmed in
fear of disobeying Allah.
We talked about how does this look.
How does it look?
When we talk about somebody who has khushur,
how do they look?
How do they appear?
Remember we mentioned, if I say to you,
you should have khushur in prayer.
How do you look when you're praying?
With khushur.
Yeah, so that was the last point that
we discussed, right?
You limit the unnecessary movement as much as
possible.
But you know, if you get like an
itch or something, that's all okay.
Unnecessary movement is the key, okay?
Why is unnecessary movement looked down upon and
highly discouraged in prayer?
Why?
It's a sign that you're not concentrating.
And therefore, you're showing a lack of concern,
care, respect for Allah, right?
You know, when our kids talk to us
as parents and they do this.
So you're like, listen, you need to be
kind.
Done, Mommy?
What would you do?
Would you keep talking?
Hello?
Can you pay attention?
Look at me when I'm talking to you.
Same idea.
So that's all called khushur, is that you
limit that kind of unnecessary movement.
The ayah continues.
So mutasadiqeen here are those that are charitable.
Those that are charitable.
Why is sadaqa, which comes from the same
word of sidq, which means somebody who is
truthful or honest.
Why is charity called sadaqa?
Why do they carry the same name?
So what does that – okay, that's a
good start.
So what does that have to do with
somebody being honest and truthful?
Because somebody who is dishonest can also be
pretty helpful.
You see, a beggar is – you help
them out.
And you know what some people could possibly
do as well?
They'll give like a dollar to a beggar,
go home and tell their family, yeah, man,
today I just gave them $100.
So on the one hand, charity is given,
but then there's no sadaqa, there's no honesty
in it.
So you can still lie about it.
But Allah gives both of these things the
exact same name.
Sadaqa is named after the truthful one.
Why?
Because sadaqa is a sign that you have
true, sincere iman.
When you have true, sincere iman, it is
a sign and an indicator for you that
if you do it and you do it
all for the right reasons, it is one
of those signs.
You have true iman.
It takes someone with true, honest, and sincere
faith to give sadaqa in the ways that
Allah will accept.
Anybody can give a dollar or a quarter.
Anybody can do that.
But there's a big difference between somebody giving
money and really thinking only about pleasing Allah
and doing the right thing.
And as they give it, they just try
to do it with their right hand.
They think only about Allah.
They don't care who's watching, who's around.
They just do it.
As opposed to somebody who just takes a
quarter and flicks it at the person and
pats themselves.
Alhamdulillah.
And then another thing that is a really
bad habit that some Muslims have, unfortunately, with
sadaqa, is we always second-guess and question
the people that are begging.
Some Muslims will tell me, I saw them
with an iPhone.
They look so proper.
They look so dressed.
That's honestly none of your business.
We have no right to judge anyone like
that.
What's obvious is obvious.
So yes, if you do see a beggar
there collecting, collecting, and a Rolls Royce picks
up and she jumps in or he jumps
in, what's obvious is obvious.
You can question it.
That doesn't sound right.
That looks strange.
But to label and say, and like I
told you, I meet Muslims a lot who
do this and they're very confident and very
proud.
When I see that, anytime somebody asks me
for sadaqa, I always question them.
How did you get here?
Which bus or route did you take?
You lost the whole point of the opportunity.
You are not accountable of someone's life history
and background when you give them sadaqa.
You don't need to interrogate and investigate for
sadaqa to be accepted.
Your job, my job, is just to give
and you don't know.
Because forget about if they're sincere or not,
or they're just playing the game.
You don't know if they take your money
and they go buy like a ham sandwich
or something or go get a drink.
You don't know that.
So if you put aside the whole misjudgment
process, at the end of the day, you
still have bigger problems if you really want
to dissect if this person is really in
need or not.
Just forget about it.
It's all from shaitaan.
So don't get involved in that.
If you wish to give, give.
Bismillah.
And do it for the sake of Allah
and leave it at that.
You may never see that person again.
But you never know that one day, this
is the famous hadith of the Prophet ﷺ,
that on the day of judgment, your sadaqa
will come to you and thank you.
And the people, the recipients of your sadaqa,
if Allah عز و جل enters them in
jannah, you will meet these people.
So all those children, innocent ones you donated
in Palestine and other parts of the world
over the years, there is a good chance
that inshallah that Allah accepts your sadaqa, and
you'll meet those children.
And they'll come to you and say thank
you.
I actually received the donation you gave.
And I was able to do what I
had to do.
So don't underestimate.
That's why Allah says, They are متصدقين المتصدقات.
Then Allah continues.
Let's conclude the ayah.
وَالصَّائِمِينَ وَالصَّائِمَاتَ Those who are fasting of both
males and females.
This is not just about Ramadan.
This is specifically focused on the people who
have the routine of regular fast throughout the
year.
Very quickly tell me, what is the sunnah
routine of fasting throughout the year outside of
Ramadan?
Number one.
Monday and Thursdays.
Number one.
What else?
White days.
Good.
How many days are those white days?
Three.
Number three.
Muharram.
So all the special days of the year.
Number four.
Okay.
So yeah.
Including all of that.
The Arafah, the 10 days of Dhul Hijjah,
all of that.
All including special times or special days of
the year.
What else?
Shawwal.
What else?
Keep going.
What else?
Good.
What is the best, most beloved routine of
fasting outside of Ramadan to Allah?
The fasting of whom?
Remember the famous narration, right?
The fasting of Dawood Al-Islam.
What was his fasting all about?
Every other day.
Yeah.
You know some of the most intelligent and
reputable health experts in the world.
What did they advise?
If there was ever something that guaranteed a
long life, what would it be?
Fasting.
Regular fasting.
Regular routine of fast.
Gives the body a chance to relax and
clean itself up.
That's why when you fast in Ramadan, do
you see how your skin looks at the
end of the month?
You look like a shiny coin.
Right?
You look marvelous.
Most people think that they lose weight.
They might gain a little and some might
lose.
And some people are very stable.
Like as for me, I turn like a
skeleton.
Like it's kind of scary.
But I feel like 10 years younger.
Which is remarkable.
Yeah.
So that all of that, just forcing the
body to repair, to cleanse, and all of
the things that we know about fasting.
It is truly remarkable how perfect our sharia
is.
So the Prophet ﷺ encouraged fasting throughout the
year as much as you can.
وَالْحَافِظِينَ فُرُوجَهُمْ And those who protect their chastity,
their honor, their privates, everything.
So physically they protect themselves as well as
spiritually, psychologically, mentally.
So they don't have like bad thoughts about
anything.
They protect all of that.
As soon as an awful or bad thought
comes to mind.
أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم They try to
turn their eyes.
They do this.
They do that.
I've always said to you that the one
who protects their eyes, what is the consequence
of that?
If you control what you see, you will
control what you do.
Remember this, okay?
Write it down.
If you control what you look at, you
will control what you do.
The most beloved and effective way to get
closer to Allah and guarantee yourself in Jannah,
inshaAllah, is that you increase your piety when
you're alone.
When you're alone, that's the hardest time to
be close to Allah because it's just you
and shaitan now.
There's nobody else for anything.
And if you can ward that off, when
we talked about this, this whole concept of
khalwa, right?
And shahwa and the eyes are tested the
most when you're alone, right?
So you control what you see.
You immediately control what you do.
That's why the ayat that talk about controlling
the eyes are all filled with instructions about
chastity, protecting your actions, protecting fahisha, shameful behavior.
It's all about action, action, action, action.
It all starts with the eyes, right?
And men and women who remember Allah often.
وَالذَّاكِرِينَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا وَالذَّاكِرَاتَ This here we're going
to spend some time talking about when we
get to a verse in the surah.
يَا أُولَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اذْكُرُوا اللَّهَ ذِكْرًا كَثِيرًا So
we're going to, inshaAllah, when we get there,
it's probably going to happen next week.
And then we'll spend a lot of time
talking about dhikr and everything about it, how
it's used in Quran, how you can utilize
it and use it.
I still genuinely believe in my experience, right?
Somebody just sent me a message a few
days ago of some notes that they took
in a class that I taught 27 years
ago.
Talk about feeling like a grandpa, subhanAllah.
27 years ago, they sent me a picture
with all of these notes, and I was
just like, my goodness.
But anyhow, the point here is that dhikr
is one of those things that I started
paying attention to, just understanding the theory behind
it.
And I am very much convinced that the
average Muslim of today still doesn't know the
process of dhikr and developing a consistent routine
in their day-to-day life with dhikr.
So we're going to try to, inshaAllah, address
that.
وَالذَّاكِرِينَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا وَالذَّاكِرَاتَ أَعَدَّ اللَّهُ لَهُم
مَغْفِرَةً وَأَجْرًا عَظِيمًا Allah says, I promised all
of them, all this entire group, Allah has
prepared forgiveness and a great reward.
You see this?
أَعَدَّ اللَّهُ لَهُم Those of you that study
Arabic, this language here, أَعَدَّ, that's one.
Then Allah adds his name to the verb,
that's two.
So one emphasis is that, see this little
W here, the شَدَّ?
So Allah adds one emphasis, I promise you,
as opposed to I promise.
I promise you, me, Allah.
We already know that if Allah's name wasn't
there, we know who's talking.
But Allah says, me, Allah, I promise you,
all of you, that's this, لَهُم You, all
of you, مَغْفِرَةً, number one, وَأَجْرًا عَظِيمًا This
is the closest thing you can have in
Qur'an, that the people of these categories
are guaranteed Jannah, inshallah.
So just ensure that you always remember, reflect
on and refer to verse 35 of this
surah.
Put it on your walls, whatever, screensavers, just
because.
It's one thing when you have ayatul kursi
hanged up everywhere in the house.
These are some of the ayat you should
also have as well as a reminder.
وَالْحَافِظِينَ فُرُوجَهُمْ وَالْحَافِظَرَىٰ كَانْسِنْتْلِي غَيْرًا Okay, so
this was more of a benefit for Arabic
students.
وَالْحَافِظِينَ فُرُوجَهُمْ So the fact that they're both
mentioned like this is just more of an
emphasis that they're not just doing it once
in a while.
They're in constant battle, protecting and guarding their
chastity, their honor, their privates.
Which in this day and age, we live
in a very permissive society.
Like everything is allowed.
And so we are constantly tested with our
honor and dignity 24 hours a day.
You go to bed, you're not even outside.
You're literally in your bed sleeping and you'll
still be tested with this stuff.
So وَالْحَافِظِينَ فُرُوجَهُمْ also highlights that this is
a constant, never-ending battle and struggle for
believers.
So I say it this way, just so
you don't ever think that, oh, you know,
once people get a certain age, they don't
have this issue no more.
No, you could be 90 years old.
وَالْحَافِظِينَ فُرُوجَهُمْ You know, you're still going to
be battling with the same thing.
وَالذَّاكِرِينَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرٌ وَالذَّاكِرَاتٌ We'll talk more about
this, the most effective way to guard yourself.
We'll talk a lot about that, inshallah.
There's a lot that we need to unpack
today.
We're going to start getting into the marriage
of Zayd and Zaynab.
And everything that led to their separation.
And why the Prophet ﷺ then marries Zaynab.
We're going to talk about all of that,
why it happened.
We'll talk a lot about divorce today, inshallah.
وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ وَلَا مُؤْمِنَةٍ إِذَا قَضَ اللَّهُ
وَرَسُولُهُ أَمْرًا أَن يَكُونَ لَهُمُ الْخِيَارَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ
It is not for a believing man or
woman.
And when Allah ﷻ and His Messenger ﷺ
decree a matter, to have any other choice
in that matter, pause.
This here is the constitution of a believer.
When Allah and the Messenger decree an answer
to an issue, look how clear it is.
أَن يَكُونَ لَهُمُ الْخِيَارَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ To have
any other choice in the matter.
Imagine you can walk into like every board
meeting and that's the principle everyone follows.
You know, when everybody is disagreeing with each
other, that we can all just come back
and say, you know what, listen.
You want to do A, you want to
do B.
We don't know why you're here.
You want to go and fight with this
person.
You want to do this with that person.
You want to overthrow that one.
Let's all go back to what Allah and
His Messenger ﷺ taught us to deal with
this disagreement, this confrontation, these problems.
Let's see what Islam tells us to do.
And if we could always, always maintain that
discipline, 90% of your problems will be
solved, 90% of them.
Now here, so this is one sort of
benefit of the intro of the ayah.
Number two, this now is the intro, official
intro to the marriage of Zayd and Zaynab.
Number one is that this marriage is decreed
by Allah ﷻ Himself.
This marriage, Allah orders it to happen.
That's really important because remember the story how
they met?
The Prophet ﷺ, who is Zayd, by the
way, to the Prophet?
Okay, so he was a rabbi's son, but
how did the whole story begin?
He was purchased or given to him.
Both narrations are mentioned, but he was a
slave.
And the Prophet ﷺ loved Zayd so much
that he said, You are like my son,
which is the culture back then and even
till now.
Like sometimes when I travel to different places,
I actually have like a lot of the
elder sisters that would know me or know
my family for ages, and they would say
the same thing.
Says, Oh, I know you since you were
a kid.
You're like my son.
So that same statement and how it's received
was actually something the Prophet ﷺ also used
to do, and it was a culture that
carried the same meaning.
Only there's one thing extra.
Literally, if back then you said to a
child, You're like my son, they literally were
treated like the son.
Everybody in the community now recognized that Zayd
is the son of the Prophet ﷺ.
See how that works?
So it went and it developed and it
was integrated.
It was accepted.
Everybody in Mecca knew, Yeah, that's the Prophet
ﷺ son, even though he technically wasn't his
son.
So now, as time went on, Zayd grows
up, matures, etc.
And he's obviously much younger than Zaynab.
Zaynab is a woman of status, right?
She's not just any ordinary woman.
She comes from a good family.
She comes from a very powerful tribe, and
her and her family carry a very, very
good reputation all across the city.
The Prophet ﷺ tells Zaynab to go marry
Zayd.
Zaynab to marry Zayd.
Why not the other way around?
It's easy for Zayd to be like, Really?
No, no, no, Ya Rasulallah.
No, I can't do it.
Do you ever talk to her, Ya Rasulallah?
She's intimidating.
Zaynab though, because of her status, her background,
her knowledge, her experience, she's far more mature
to understand when the Prophet ﷺ tells her
something.
She didn't even dispute.
She said, Okay, Ya Rasulallah.
Okay, I'll do that.
Because you told me to, I will do
it.
Now we get a lesson from this before
we even tap into the marriage.
Now we get a lesson in this.
And the lesson is when elders recommend a
marriage and then it goes south, what ends
up happening?
This marriage breaks.
Now we have a problem that we have
to talk about.
And that is that when mom and dad
recommend marriage to their child, look at their
daughter, their son, and they said, Look, that's
a good family.
That's a good brother.
That's a good sister.
Don't worry about the age.
We'll talk about marrying people older in a
moment.
But that person is this, this, this.
They come from a good family.
We knew them from back in the days.
We grew up, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And you may notice that perhaps your son
and daughter or the potential candidate are a
bit hesitant and they have their reasons.
But mom, look at his face.
I don't know.
Look at him.
What kind of job does he have?
There's this hesitation and they're valid.
They're not saying, Oh my God, did you
see his toes?
No, nothing like that.
Just very valid concerns.
But the parents say things like, You know
what?
That's minor.
It's okay.
Look at the bigger picture.
Islam is there, and, and, and, and, and.
And if they really want to get to
their child, the famous hadith in Al-Tirmidhi,
the Prophet ﷺ says that when somebody comes
to you with Islam and good akhlaq and
you refuse their proposal, then you would have
caused corruption in the entire land, which means
that if you reject the proposal of good
people, then that carries on and others paid
attention and noted, Oh, they actually refused that
family.
Maybe that family is pretty messed up.
So then another family starts to refuse and
that another does the same thing.
Now this good family can't find nobody to
marry.
And then it starts to develop in a
culture where that kind of family, watch out
for them.
They did nothing wrong, but watch out for
it.
So that's what the hadith means.
So the point here is now, these two
individuals, now they get married just to make
the parents happy.
And then, you know, eventually they grow on
each other.
Okay.
Time goes on and problems happen.
The marriage is dissolved.
What tends to happen after that?
The kids, not all of them, of course,
but it's very, very common that these kids
after, if the marriage dissolves, come back to
blame who?
Who do they blame for that?
I told you I shouldn't have married him.
I told you she was like this.
I told you she wanted this.
I told you, and remember you guys, I
wanted to marry so-and-so, but you
did this to me, and you told me
I should go this direction.
Look what happened.
And there's three kids involved now.
And look, look at the court papers, like
that sort of thing.
What you're going to see here is not
only is that fundamentally wrong, but that when
a marriage dissolves or ends up in divorce,
that it does not have to be a
bad thing.
It does not have to be a bad
situation.
And we're going to talk about the other
cultural issues, like if you break up, what
are people going to say?
How is this going to make us look?
It's all from Shaitaan.
Can't do that.
That is not a valid Islamic reason to
hold on to a marriage that is not
healthy.
That's filled with problems.
Or the other one where, look, we have
these kids, so I'm just going to take
it.
I'm just going to deal with life.
That is fundamentally Islamically wrong.
You cannot do that.
Put yourself through abuse because of children, it
logically might make sense, but Allah gave you
rights that you have to fulfill, and one
of those rights is take care of yourself.
It may not be ideal, but if the
marriage is that bad and it's reached to
that level, and you still hold on because
of kids or other reasons, you just have
to think about that fundamentally, Islam never encouraged
or asked anybody to do that.
And you're going to see this example of
Zayd and Zaynab.
So let's see what happens.
وَمَن يَعْصِ اللَّهُ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ يَضَلَّ الضَّلَالَ مُّبِيدًا
Whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger has clearly
gone far astray.
One thing I will advise, those of you
that have children that are coming close to
marriage, capture verse number 36 when you're going
to sit there and talk to them about
marriage life, what to expect.
Make sure that you give them a balanced
conversation, and you also remind them that at
the end of the day, maybe your husband
likes something or dislikes it.
Maybe your wife likes something or dislikes it.
But it doesn't matter, because at the end
of the day, the thing that keeps a
marriage running is that you go back to
Islam.
That's the thing that will make the engine
running in the marriage.
Otherwise, if marriage was left to people, one
of two things will happen.
Most of those marriages will either fall apart,
or they would be a burden on one
side or both.
Okay, okay.
Okay, so here, let's put it this way.
This ayah now is given to the Prophet
ﷺ to prep him of what is to
come.
You know, some of the scholars say that
he did not want to encourage this marriage.
Prophet ﷺ.
That's why this ayah was given to him,
to remind him that, look, you're a prophet
of Allah, and when Allah inspires you to
do something, nobody else has a choice in
the matter.
Okay?
And so it sets the tone now of
what is to come, because remember, his reputation
is on the line.
That's what this ayah is all about.
So when Allah and His Prophet make a
decision, Zayd and Zaynab or any of the
companions, and Muslims in general, should always think
to themselves that, okay, then I don't have
a choice in this matter.
I should just stick with what Allah and
His Prophet ﷺ instructed me to do.
Leave it at that.
Okay?
It's going to continue.
We're only getting started now.
Take a look at the next verse.
It'll, inshallah, come more and more and more
clearer to you.
وَإِذْ تَقُولُوا لِلَّذِي أَنْعَمَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ And remember,
O Prophet, when you said to one for
whom Allah has done a favor, and you
too have done a favor.
Okay.
إِذْ تَقُولُوا لِلَّذِي أَنْعَمَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَأَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيْهِ
So we have a couple of things.
Aisha radiallahu anha said, take a look at
this statement, okay?
Write this down.
If the Prophet ﷺ had hidden anything from
the Qur'an, it would be this verse.
Verse number 37.
If he kept anything with himself and not
project it to the companions, it would have
been this verse.
That is a really, really profound statement of
Aisha radiallahu anha.
Now, let's find out why she would say
that, okay?
Let's find out why.
When you said, O Prophet, when you said
to the one for whom Allah has done
a favor, and you too have done a
favor, what happened here?
Zayd came to the Prophet ﷺ.
Said, Ya Rasulullah, I want to break the
marriage.
First thing that happens is when Allah says
Allah has done a favor, meaning that Allah
allowed this to happen, ordered for this marriage
to happen.
And number two, you also have done a
favor, which means that when Zayd came to
him, he told Zayd, no, go back.
Now tell me.
Look what he says.
Keep your wife and fear Allah.
أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكِ زَوْجَكْ وَاتَّقِ اللَّهِ Said, hold on
to her.
أَمْسِكْ Your wife and fear Allah.
Now imagine saying those statements today.
So the first question is why?
Somebody is coming to the Prophet ﷺ and
saying that my marriage is really bad.
It's dissolving.
And this without hesitation, there's nothing in between
this ayah.
There's no like Prophet ﷺ sat, made istighar
or talked to Allah or did this, nothing.
Immediately أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكِ Just hold on to her.
Why do you think he did that?
Because the previous ayah, if Allah ordered the
marriage, then what is the Prophet ﷺ waiting
for?
If this is going to fall apart, what
does he need from Allah?
He needs also some sort of verification or
validation that he can say, okay, yes, you
can break the marriage.
You can divorce her.
See, this whole situation, the reason why it's
unique is because of this.
We already talked about it.
تَبَنِّي is the Arabic word and sonship, which
is what I just mentioned to you.
If you really wanted somebody to be part
of your family, you will just say the
statement, he's like my son.
Islam abrogated this practice.
So it was actually a valid statement that
how you took a child and you quote
-unquote adopted them by just saying the statement,
you are like my son, now you're part
of the family, period.
So Islam came to destroy this practice, right?
The second thing is, go back to this
marriage.
This marriage, its purpose is to also be
an example to the rest of the world
that تَبَنِّي is no longer allowed.
Why?
Because of what will happen next.
Prophet ﷺ is going to be ordered now
to marry Zaynab.
And people, when they heard that, they were
like, whoa, that's your kid's wife?
So in essence like, what do you call
that?
Yeah, it's like you're literally marrying family.
What's the Prophet doing?
So do you understand why he would be
hesitant to do such a thing?
You got to remember who he is.
This is a man ﷺ that does not
have conflict with anyone.
He is really, really sensitive.
Anybody who reads basic seerah, the first thing
you notice about his character is he's an
extremely, extremely sensitive, beautiful man at heart.
If he hears one sentence of criticism and
hate from anybody, it emotionally, it bothers him.
For six months Allah stopped talking to him.
Stopped giving him the revelation.
And in that six months you had both
men and women of Mecca coming to him
and making remarks that I can't even say
to you on this mic.
I can't even say the words to you
how horrific, degrading, and insulting they were to
him.
And so the Prophet ﷺ is literally going
through his own version of like a depression
now.
Because the words are getting to him.
Does it feel like we're sort of experiencing
the same thing in this day and age?
You know, like those hate comments and things
like that that we hear on the news,
we see online.
You know, some people they say, oh just
ignore it.
Yeah, your eyes can ignore it, but your
heart and your mind can't.
You can't even fall asleep with some of
the awful things that people have said about
you, right?
And so for the Prophet ﷺ now to
go and marry this person, the thought of
what people would say is really, really, truly
something he doesn't want to go through.
But Allah praises him for the fact that
he submits to Allah's command.
But here for now, Zayd comes back and
he's told, go back to your wife and
fear Allah.
Now the second thing that I want to
talk about.
Is this allowed?
If you or somebody you know comes and
asks for a separation, okay?
And you know the marriage, you know what's
going on, you certainly can see that there's
problems.
But for whatever reason, you know, you have
your reasons.
You say, okay, look, you guys have only
been married for two years, still early.
Or I know him, he'll change.
I know her, she'll change.
I know her family.
Go get counseling, and, and, and.
Is that like good advice?
So going to get help, even though they're
coming to you and saying, I can't do
this anymore.
Are they, so are people who go through
problems in their marriage and it's on the
brink of divorce, do you think that that
is a requirement that they should go get
help and seek counseling before they make a
decision?
So sometimes, all the time, just give me
like a clear answer on it.
Okay, very good.
And you see why I'm asking you guys
specifically?
Most of you, you know, I might be
your teacher, but most of you have far
more experience in life than I do.
So it's very important for me to have
this conversation with you because you have something
I can't study in books, right, which is
experience, right?
So, and I, and I would definitely agree
with, with all of you that giving it
a shot and trying to resolve those issues
is great advice.
So why didn't it happen here?
She said, go back, go back and just
stay with her.
Why didn't he do, why didn't the Prophet
Alayhi Salaatu Wasalaam say, okay Zayd, you and
your wife come, come over and let's talk
about this.
There is no verse in the entire Quran
where Prophet Alayhi Salaatu Wasalaam counsels Zayd and
Zaynab.
Just don't go back to it.
There is no narration of him knowing what
was happening.
Okay.
Any other thoughts?
The answer to this actually is, pardon me?
Okay, he's waiting for some sort of revelation
from Allah and that is a huge part
of the response scholars gave is that we
don't know why the marriage happened in the
first place, but we know that Allah ordered
it.
Prophet Alayhi Salaatu Wasalaam has to comply and
he orders this to happen that if Allah
ordered the marriage to happen then Allah will
also allow a separation to happen.
So that's why he says, fear Allah.
You see this statement here?
It's always used as a spiritual weapon against
husbands and wives when the marriage goes south.
You know, when problems arise.
You fear Allah, how dare you?
You're gonna go to your parents' house and
stay there without this?
You're gonna be out all night?
You're gonna do this?
You're gonna hide money from me?
You're gonna send those emails without me?
And the list goes on.
And so now at least you understand context.
Continue reading.
While concealing within yourself what Allah was going
to reveal.
So this hints to the idea that the
Prophet Alayhi Salaatu Wasalaam is already receiving revelation
of what is about to happen to this
marriage.
But he does not say it until who
commands him to say it.
He has to wait for it step by
step.
It's truly remarkable because what you're also seeing
here is the step by step process of
when revelation is given to him Alayhi Salaatu
Wasalaam.
He doesn't just, you know, regurgitate and say
it immediately.
There's a time, there's a place, there's context,
and everything has that time and place.
That in Arabic is called hikmah.
It's the right time and the right place
even if you have the knowledge but to
teach and project that knowledge.
So he continues and he says, وَتُقْفِي فِي
نَفْسِكَ مَا اللَّهُ مُبِدِينَ وَتَخْشَ النَّاسَ وَاللَّهُ أَحَقُّ
أَن تَخْشَى Oh my gosh.
Take a look at this.
Zaid, so let's look back at some of
the notes we've already talked.
Zaid kept coming to the Prophet Alayhi Salaatu
Wasalaam to say, was this okay to keep
insisting that Zaid stay with her which we
discussed.
What is the most important thing a believer
holds on to?
So it should be hold on to in
divorce.
What is the answer to this?
These are just thoughts that I put down
for us to think about.
So when there's problems in marriage and a
divorce is about to happen, what is the
most important thing that a Muslim must hold
on to in the process of divorce?
Patience I have.
What else?
The fear of Allah.
Who said that?
Very good.
Because what is the first thing people lose
in divorce?
What is the first thing, the quality of
a believer that gets thrown out?
If taqwa is the most important thing to
have, when all those nasty emails go back,
I'm gonna take you to court.
Oh my God, your mother-in-law.
إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَنِّ إِلَيْهِ It just goes back
and forth.
What do you call of it?
They both lost what?
Taqwa.
That's why almost all the ayat in Surah
Al-Baqarah about divorce ends off with taqwa.
It's remarkable because it's the first thing that
is tested in a divorce.
You know how rare it is to find
people that are civilized in divorce?
Like I'm talking Muslims only, just being civilized.
When was the last time you heard the
sunnah practice of when a divorce happens, the
ex-husband actually purchases a goodbye gift for
his ex-wife?
That's the sunnah practice.
There's a verse on this, right?
It doesn't have to be like a mahr,
you know, like here's some bangles.
No, no, no.
Because why?
It's kind of like a peaceful way to
sort of bury the hatchet.
No hatred between us.
So he does his part and if she
looks at it and she throws it back
in his face or in the garbage, that's
a different issue.
But the point is, when was the last
time you ever heard a divorce happening like
that?
Or it, you know, didn't go to court
or we didn't have to go see a
lawyer just so we can like agree on
stuff.
So the first thing that is tested in
the process is divorce.
What's the thing that ends up manifesting in
the engagement?
Like it's the one thing that brings them
closer together.
I'm talking about believers in general.
You know, mashallah, good family.
His Islam, her Islam.
She's so quiet.
She's so proper and the list.
What do you call all of this?
Taqwa.
So taqwa is the thing that brings them
together and it's also the first thing that
is tested and lost if a separation happens.
It's unbelievable.
When you look at things in this way,
it's a reminder how limited we are as
human beings.
When we think we know and we just
don't.
So one of the most common reasons why
people stay in bad marriages is, you see
what this is?
This here.
The talk, the gossip.
Yeah.
The Aya says what?
What does the Aya say?
So you were considering the people.
Meaning you were afraid what people would think
or say.
Whereas Allah was more worthy of your consideration.
Meaning you should be more worried about what
Allah thinks.
Not what the people think.
You know what this looks like today?
This looks like, oh my God, I can't
go back to that masjid anymore.
What are people going to say when they
see me?
Oh my God, I walked into that grocery
store and I saw, you know, their family
and they were staring.
So I'm never going back to Nofrils again
or whatever, right?
I'm never going back there.
Yeah.
All of that is called wataqshanas.
And I'll tell you something.
A believer is never disappointed when they hold
on to the right things.
Like they really fight all of the abuse
that comes in the process.
And they keep themselves civilized only for the
sake of Allah.
Never has a believer done that except that
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala always gave them
a way out of their problems.
And I don't just bring that out of
nothing.
There is a verse in, guess what surah?
Surat al-Talaq.
The surah of divorce.
وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهُ Whoever has taqwa of Allah,
what does Allah do for them?
يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مَخْرَجًا Allah will give them a
way out.
The ayah is talking about divorce itself.
So the hardest thing for people to hold
on to if they can just do that,
Allah says, I will take care of this.
I'll give you a way out.
مَخْرَج, you know what مَخْرَج is?
مَخْرَج is not like a path.
مَخْرَج is like an actual exit.
So you know how, if I tell you,
okay, everybody leave the classroom.
If that door was open and there was
another door in the middle and then you
have that door there, and they're all opened
and they're leading to the same place.
One may ask, you know, which door should
we exit?
Should we go from there, go from here?
That's not مَخْرَج.
مَخْرَج, you know exactly what exit.
It's clear and Allah has already confirmed it.
That's the way out.
It's done just because of what?
You held on to the most difficult thing.
So the kalam of the people is a
big problem in our communities all over.
Unfortunately, people just talk about other people and
their business.
They get involved in other people's family affairs,
especially divorce.
And actually, would you agree that also because
of the talk of the people, some marriages
like she'll just hold on and stay and
take the abuse and everything just because of
what people would say?
Would you agree with that?
That's really sad.
I don't know about you, but like for
me, that is a really sad, sad situation
to be in.
So unhappy every day and night.
But because of the fear of how others
would judge you, people, you don't even know
their names, but you know, they're going to
talk about you.
I think it's just a really unfortunate situation
to be in.
Right.
So, you know, what some of the ulama,
they say that that's like almost as if
the community has kept a bad marriage in
place rather than the marriage itself finding an
exit.
The community indirectly forced the abuse on them,
on each other, which is like, whoa, you
don't want to be in a situation like
that, right?
Zayd is the only companion mentioned by name.
Zayd, you know why?
He's the only companion mentioned in name in
the entire Qur'an.
Right.
Take a look.
See his name there?
So Zayd is the only one.
So take a look at what happened here.
Allah was more worthy of your consideration.
Okay.
So when Zayd totally lost interest in keeping
his wife, do you see how subtle it
is?
No details.
That's what we have to learn.
No details.
No, oh my God, how come the marriage
broke?
None of your business.
Oh my God, I haven't seen her husband
in about three months.
None of your business.
I saw him so-and-so with some
other sister.
What's going on?
None of your business.
It's his long lost daughter you've never known
and met.
That's it.
That's what this ayah is about.
When something is so generic, the marriage is
full of details, but not one single detail
is mentioned.
It's Qur'an's way of teaching us what
is not our business.
Don't make it your business.
Don't get involved at all.
Here's one of a word that I want
you to remember, okay?
This word, that is for those of you
who are comfortable with Arabic, waw-ta-ra.
Okay, waw-ta-ra.
Waw-ta-ra is when somebody separates because
intimacy in the marriage is lost.
And we know, I mean, studies have shown
this, but even more so, experience has taught
us when intimacy is lost in the marriage,
the marriage is destined to dissolve.
It is destined to dissolve.
A marriage cannot stay together if intimacy is
lost.
If it does, it's almost looked at in
Islam as like an abusive type marriage.
Why?
Because they're both human beings and Allah allowed
this unionship to happen.
And one of the definitions of the word
nikah is halal intimacy.
One of the definitions of that word is
halal intimacy.
So the whole purpose of this unionship is
to allow this to happen between two human
beings who have needs.
Every human being in existence has always been
this way.
So if that's taken away now, it's impossible
for them to continue living the way that
they do and avoiding that.
So now we get a hint, but still
no details, right?
We get a hint, but we don't know
to what extent, we don't know what exactly
happened.
We don't know if it was a one
-time experience.
We don't know if it was from her.
We don't know if it was from him.
Nothing.
We just know one word, something about the
bed.
And it's not even intimacy here.
Look what the definition is, to share a
bed.
All this is telling us is that it
came to a point where Zayd and Zaynab
did not sleep on the same bed together.
That's all it tells us.
So that's where you come to the conclusion
and when, okay, if they're not in the
same bed together, then there means there's no
intimacy.
And if there's no intimacy, then it's going
to lead to other issues, more distance.
And if that prolongs and, and, and, whole
marriage is done.
So both have to make an effort to
be interested in it.
Okay.
So there's something else that we're going to
talk about here real quickly.
Okay.
فَلَمَّا قَضَى زَيْدٌ مِّنْهَا وَطَرًا زَوَّجَنَاكَهَا لِكَيْ لَا
يَكُونْ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ حَرُجٌ So when he totally
lost interest in keeping his wife, we gave
her to you in marriage.
This is the part of the ayah that
we're now, the Prophet ﷺ is ordered to
marry her.
So the marriage dissolved, some time went by,
we don't know how long, but I put
in bold letters, we, meaning Allah says, now
you go and marry her.
So it's like as if, if there was
ever such a thing where an imam says,
okay, I order you to marry this person.
Well here, you know, Allah takes that role
and says, you know, from above the seven
heavens has ordered that you marry this person.
So nobody can get involved, nobody can say
anything, it's coming directly from him, Subhanahu wa
ta'ala.
So, but going back to this subject here,
I put a statement down here.
Because one of the things that, that leads
to this, waṭr, is one common scenario is
that one person is trying and the other
isn't.
Now I told you that this surah is
more along the lines of the things that
the wife needs to do or to change
in order to maintain her piety, and now
in this section of the surah to maintain
the marriage.
What are the things that a wife is
required to do or not do to keep
a healthy marriage going?
What is the number one thing that a
wife is required to do?
Somebody say to me, because we've already talked
about it.
What is the number one thing that Islam
orders the wife to do to keep a
marriage together?
Strong, alive, whatever you want to call it.
Because some of you are saying intimacy, some
of you say pleasing, what were you saying?
Yeah, intimacy.
Okay, before all of that.
So, okay, let me paint a scenario to
you because I told you we're going to
get a little uncomfortable, so let me just,
let me just say this to you.
Okay, both have to make an effort to
be interested.
I want you to tell me this part.
What is the effort to be interested in
each other?
Tell me what this entails.
What effort does she make to keep him
interested in her?
Good.
So, if she's sitting there on the couch
eating Twinkies all day, yeah, you know what
the ulama say?
Yeah, you got to go get into a
gym.
Not only for him, take care of yourself,
right?
Because why?
It goes back to, remember what we were
talking about, how when she sees him staring
at other women when he goes outside, she's
like, oh my God, everywhere we go, your
eyes is all over the place.
And it turns into a problem and it
escalates in the marriage, right?
Now this becomes a major issue.
You know what some of the scholars advised
is that they try to resolve this by
going back to the wife.
If you don't fulfill the things that Allah
tells you to do to keep his eyes
on you, and even if he sees other
women as attractive, and by the way, any
man on the face of this planet that
says to you, I don't find any other
women attractive except my wife is a pathological
liar and there is not an ounce of
truth in his heart.
No matter how pious they are, no matter
how much knowledge they have, no matter if
they're a teacher, no matter if they studied
the deen, they're lying to you.
Because why?
Now ladies, sisters, remember this.
That's how Allah created them.
That's not his fault.
Allah did that to them.
Allah made this.
Now go back to one of the hadith
that I mentioned to you.
Prophet ﷺ says, the thing that is most
beloved to a man, women and perfume.
So think of it this way, a woman
and her scent.
Yeah.
You ever see like...
Yeah, you ever see why in some movies
and shows when she walks by and everybody's...
They don't even know who she is but
the beautiful perfume, the fragrance went by.
It's a pull.
So the point here is going back to
the whole thing.
That is his number one test.
Right?
Is women.
And Allah ﷻ now chose you to be
that person and it is 100% possible.
Let me tell you.
Studies have shown this.
There are endless studies online that you could
read about this of experts studying brain activity
and emotions and how it works.
That if the wife does the little things
to keep his eyes on her, his eyes
is done when it goes out.
He has no problem controlling his eyes.
None whatsoever.
But unfortunately, unfortunately, sometimes, you know, he'll be
tested out there and he comes home and
like I said, you know, they're just more
often than he would like that he comes
home and he's just kind of like, oh
my God.
He's still wearing the same outfit for the
last two weeks.
Come on.
That sort of thing.
Right?
I'm not going to tell you how to
do this.
Like that's...
These are just things I'm leaving you with
but I want you...
The reason why I'm spelling it out is
these are matters of our deen.
Okay?
So we have to talk about it.
It's not something that I can just beat
around the bush and be like, sisters, you
know what to do.
Okay, wink, wink and then let's move on
to the next area.
No.
Right?
Unfortunately, there are other speakers that do that
but I think that this is really important.
As somebody who counsels marriage daily, this is
one of the most common problems I come...
I listen to.
He'll say to me, I just don't feel
no attraction to her.
Every other man sees his wife as beautiful
except the man married to her.
So that clearly shows that there's something missing
here and it can be fixed very quickly
and easily.
Right?
This is one of several ways it can
happen.
Okay?
Yeah.
It perhaps is because of this incident because
of the story is so unique.
He was somebody considered as an adopted child.
He was loved by the Prophet ﷺ and
then he gets married to somebody that he's
ordered to and then the Prophet himself goes
and marries that same person.
Right?
The whole scenario.
This is the only companion this has happened
to.
Yeah?
No.
No.
It doesn't say anything about how long.
No.
Different tribes.
She was from the elite.
He wasn't.
He was a slave of the Prophet ﷺ.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Much later down in his lineage.
Yeah.
There is a connection there.
Pardon me?
Yeah.
Of course.
You know back then you know what a
slave was looked at back then?
Maybe even some parts of the world today.
A slave is looked like as a subhuman.
Like they're not even a fully human person.
They're just treated like garbage.
So you can imagine how Zayd is before
he came into the Prophet ﷺ's house.
When he came into the Prophet ﷺ then
he was treated like a regular person.
It was said that that is the case
as well.
So that's why I said that it was
either he was purchased or gifted to him.
And more than likely he was gifted to
him.
Yes.
Yeah.
So just let her finish.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And unfortunately it's a fitna.
It's just something that you have to work
through and understand.
And like I said see how we got
the ayah today.
Just go back to what Islam told you
what to do in situations like this.
So the feminist movement one aspect of it
was that I don't have to listen to
nobody.
I get to do and live as I
see fit.
And it's generally like a culture that's propagated
all throughout this part of the world.
That you are independent and you are whatever
you wish to be.
And obviously like in Islam there are several
barriers and limitations to them.
And this is one of them.
So it makes perfect sense for the Prophet
not only to not allow the divorce to
happen at first but wait till the inspiration
came because why?
Like these are matters that you have to
stick to the dina bell.
Because if you take this conversation and say
to somebody to somebody yeah my wife excuse
me my husband doesn't think I'm attractive anymore.
We've been married for 23 years.
We have five children.
Now he thinks I'm this and I'm that.
And he compares me to this and that.
I hate him so much.
And then the person says, yeah but you
know something man?
You have gained a lot of weight or
you've gotten really skinny or I've been seeing
for a while you haven't been taking care
of yourself.
Before you got married you used to do
all of those things.
What happened?
You're so beautiful.
And, and, and, and, and, and, and.
So if she can re-ignite some of
those things you'll be surprised Subhanallah how a
man's brain is man.
Subhanallah how quickly you can flip that whole
situation.
And one last thing I will tell you
is that remember I was saying to you
this is how Allah created him.
Just understand sisters and this is also for
brothers as well that we will never fully
understand the psychology of a man.
You will never fully understand his brain.
And us men we will never fully understand
the psychology of a woman.
We will always there will always be that
gap where you're like oh my God I
don't know what to do here.
I can't get through to her.
Or she can't get I can't get through
to him.
No matter how many times we repeat it.
He just won't get it.
There's always going to be that.
Do you understand why the Prophet said that
marriage is half of your deen?
Do you see how because you got to
like you got to live with this.
It's hardship.
But if you can at the end of
the day still with all of these inconveniences
and hardship and you know had three kids
oh my God I look weird look what
happened to my face.
Look how fat I got.
Look at my stomach it got huge.
You know guys looking in the mirror I
used to have a six pack.
Now I have no pack at all.
I don't know what's going on.
But you still maintain the marriage.
That's what the Prophet peace be upon him
meant when he said it's half your deen.
All the struggles is all maintained.
Yep.
So for those online this is an important
question.
Is it recommended for you to marry somebody
of the same status or culture?
Let's add a few things right.
Same color, background, culture, status and so on.
And the answer is yes.
100% it is encouraged if you could
do that.
Why?
Everybody here who is married to somebody of
the same culture you know why.
Right.
It just makes life easier.
It's comfortable.
It's all of that.
It's the cooking obviously you got to eat
right.
But just imagine when you got to eat
but you don't have to learn no new
recipes you know.
You just.
So those things are encouraged.
But obviously the flip side of that is
there is no such statement or narration that
those are reasons to prohibit a marriage either.
Okay.
Like Alhamdulillah for me and my family like
my wife is from Ecuador and she is
a revert.
My sister-in-law is a revert.
She's from she's born and raised in Canada.
Full fledged.
I don't think it was Italian or something.
Then I have a sister-in-law who's
from Somalia.
So like we have that and I can
tell you man Subhanallah and when you do
it for the right reasons everybody just seems
to appreciate each other's flavors you know each
other's backgrounds and habits.
It's just a remarkable thing.
So it's not necessarily bad and don't ever
feel discouraged when you get a proposal you
know especially for the younger students that you
get a proposal from somebody and parents especially.
Don't be intimidated or afraid with that because
even the Prophet عليه الصلاة والسلام encouraged it
among companions.
There are many companions that married wives of
other backgrounds and cultures.
So zawajinaka let's just finish these two points
and then we're done.
We got you married.
What was once a potential scandal is now
an honor.
I love that because he was afraid people
are going to ruin his reputation.
Now because Allah tells him now you go
marry Zainab now it's such an honor.
Subhanallah how incredible it is that Allah just
flips the scenario from something that was going
to be like horrible to something now it's
a clear honor.
Remember the purpose of this marriage was to
teach the world that tabanni or saying you
are like my son and counting that as
adoption is done with.
It is now erased for the entire world
but especially in Islam.
If anybody were to associate that kind of
relationship or scenario to Islam it no longer
exists.
Why I keep saying that students remember this
is one of the subjects that critics of
Islam use.
So that's why you're here.
They love to criticize and say yeah but
oh my God you guys like marry you
know your stepdaughters wives or husbands and things
like that you know.
You guys like marry family that's so easy
and they use that against you.
So now you can very clearly say to
them that you know that this practice maybe
once upon a time it was allowed but
had nothing to do with the religion.
Marriage with age gaps.
I really want to we have about two
minutes left I really want to just touch
on it and then we're done okay.
Is it okay to marry somebody who is
much older or even younger?
So 10 years younger 20 years younger is
that okay?
Why not?
No I want you to say it.
So the only thing I will say to
you is just categorize it as a preference
okay.
Don't link that to a ruling that it's
not recommended.
No don't do that because there's nothing in
our Sharia that tells us to do that
but just say it it's really a preference
it's really up to them.
Done.
Khadija radiallahu anha how much older was she
to the Prophet?
So what's the age gap between the two
of them?
Yeah?
Prophet Isa was how old?
25.
How old was Khadija?
She was in her 40 like early 40
40, 41 somewhere around there right?
Like in today's society is that a huge
age gap?
Yeah?
Have we all heard this before?
Oh my God look how much older she
is than him.
Yeah.
Like it's very prevalent in our society to
even label and talk about people who do
that.
But in Islam there's absolutely no anything attention
or care and as a matter of fact
all the wives of the Prophet alayhis salatu
was salam were they older or younger?
They were all older except just one.
Aisha radiallahu anha That's it.
So just keep that in mind when people
come to you and be like he wants
to marry her or she wants to marry
him but look at the he's so much
older than her she's so much older than
him.
You know what you say to people like
that?
As long as everything looks good except that
age gap you say listen go get some
rupiah and say Allah you know and just
relax.
Because you know as long as everything Islamic
is there those are marriages you should support.
As long as everything all the ingredients for
a good healthy relationship is there.
Bismillah.
But unfortunately like it goes even further than
that.
A lot of divorced women who are stuck
with two and three children and they reach
like their mid 40s are ostracized and kicked
out of society.
Like they're no longer maritable type women.
And that's just terrible.
Right?
I meet sisters and get emails from sisters
I guess all the time of sisters like
I've been trying to get married for the
last 10 years but this is my biggest
challenge.
People say oh I have two kids oh
I was married before oh you're 40 something.
You're done.
It's a terrible thing.
It's really prevalent.
Believe me when I say to you it's
not a one off thing it's very common
and prevalent in our society.
Yeah?
You were going to say something?
Oh no.
Nobody is saying that it's easy.
But I'm just saying they should not be
isolated or kicked out as a potential.
That's just wrong.
Okay?
Subhanakallahumma wa bihamdik yashar wa la ilaha ila
anta astaghfiruqa wa atubu ilayk