Musleh Khan – Life #12 Why did Allah put me in such a marriage
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In this transcript, a speaker discusses the importance of marriage in building a relationship with Islam. The speaker explains that while marriage is not a complete complete complete relationship, it is a part of our life and can be adjusted. The speaker also emphasizes the need for effort and focus in marriage to manage challenges and maintain a healthy relationship with Islam.
AI: Summary ©
Why did Allah put me in a marriage
with so many problems?
This is a story for a lot of
you out there.
You found
the love of your life.
You got married and you did everything right.
You prayed your istikhara, you made your dua,
you met both sides of the family, everything
was smooth
Except the day you got married.
Few days later everything turned upside down and
it was just problems after problems,
Whether it be between you and your spouse,
whether it be with your in laws, whether
it be with family,
it could be so many things.
Why would Allah put you in a situation
like this?
One of the answers
is found in Surat Al Nahl. Listen to
this verse. Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala says:
Pause.
Allah says
that He is the one that placed for
you
this spouse.
Allah placed for you these spouses
and these spouses Allah says
it came from you. Now what is this
ayah talking about?
Your spouse,
the fact that if you did everything right,
you sought istikhara
and direction from Allah,
you did everything right that you knew in
order to make that decision and marry that
person.
Allah chose that individual for you. At the
end of the day,
despite all the Duas you made,
that's the person Allah chose
for you.
But then the ayah says
from yourself.
So you have 2 things, Allah placed this
person for you,
and number 2,
that person is an extension of you. What
does that mean? The scholars, they say,
literally
your spouse is an extension
of you.
This person has similar qualities
just like you.
And even if you don't see it early
in the marriage, you might see it later
on in the marriage.
Who knows when that would manifest? Because maybe
for a lot of us out there
it looks so foreign. Just got married but
you seem so different from your husband or
wife.
Allah says listen,
I chose that person
and that person is an extension of you.
Then Allah continues
Then from your spouses
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
gave you children and grandchildren.
One of the meanings behind it is grandchildren.
It could also mean in laws as well.
So yes,
your in laws Allah chose them for you.
No matter how many problems or challenges
you might have at the end of the
day Allah put those people there.
This is really important, why? Because
we are taught that we are not allowed
to break relationships,
especially with family.
One of the reasons why is
the fact that Allah chose these people to
be in your life,
now you don't have the right to just
cut that off because you just can't get
along.
This Eiyyah also highlights
a discipline that has to develop in the
marriage, which is
you cannot be yourself
anymore,
but rather you have to be the person
that is best for the marriage.
So certain
tastes or delights that you are accustomed to,
those are things that can be altered or
changed for the sake of the marriage. It
could be something as simple as,
oh, when I grew up, the food didn't
taste this way.
Well, this is an indication
you need to get accustomed to the way
he or she makes the food. It's something
as silly
and as trivial as that becomes a major
part of the marriage.
It helps to develop that relationship because
these are 2 individuals
with perhaps 2 opposite
lifestyles
that have come together to make one lifestyle.
That requires the sacrifice, that requires work, it
requires focus, it requires knowledge.
This is why you always hear about those
marriage retreats and programs and courses because it
requires
some basic knowledge.
But at the end of the day brothers
and sisters understand,
if you're finding a lot of problems in
your marriage and you just don't know what
to do,
this ayah would at least
encourage you, make you feel good about yourself
that you know Allah chose this person for
me so I gotta put in some effort.
I gotta work through this. I gotta try
to understand.
And it'll be very clear to you if
there's just one person doing all the work,
and you'll be very clear to you in
that scenario where the marriage goes. Then you'll
know whether the counselor comes in, then you
know when you gotta go to the imam
and you gotta will seek help. Otherwise,
just to remind yourself
and know that
Allah placed you in that situation
because Allah knows things that we don't know
and Allah sees potential in this relationship
perhaps you cannot see at this time. You
try your very best to stay committed, try
to work through those challenges, and just leave
the rest to Allah
Remember,
marriage is half of our redeem. And Prophet
alaihis salatu wasalam taught us this as a
reminder.
One of the meanings of this hadith is
half of your deen is complete when you
can navigate through the hardships and the challenges
of that relationship.
If you can manage that,
then you can manage the challenges that come
along with maintaining your relationship
with Islam.
So may Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala give you
strength,
give you focus, increase your iman. May Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala bless your marriage.