Islamic Guidelines for Gender Interactions
Channel: Musleh Khan
File Size: 14.41MB
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Why shadow Allah? Allah? Allahu Allahu Allah Sheree Keller Why should one no Mohammed Abu Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa ala he was herby woman sir either energy or Mr. nebby so Nettie ilario Medina, buried for topo la Are you well above pocket Mr. Rana subhanho wa Taala Phaeton xili Yeah, you Hello, Xena em and on top of La helper to party, wallet Mouton. Illa, one to masamune from buried, my brothers and sisters. The verses that I'd like to share with you today are some of the most important verses in the Hor n. But at the same time verses that are not taught properly. They haven't been discussed properly in a relative manner that students of the older end in this day and
age can understand in a practical and relative manner.
You have all heard the verses in the poor end in suta Nur and where Allah subhanho wa Taala says, pull the meaning your whole domain of Sati him while follow Fujifilm. This is verse number 30. And verse number 31 starts off the same way but it addresses the women will call a minute, yo dynamin up Sati hinweis feltner furuya when these two verses have one subject attached to them, and that is controlling your eyes controlling the gaze. Normally when hotties use these verses, they stand up and they say to you, you need to control your eyes. You cannot stare at women, the women you can't stare at the men. But it's very difficult to swallow and understand. How do you do that? If your co
worker is the opposite gender, if you're sitting in a classroom and your professor is a lady, if you walk into the elevator, or you're sitting on the TTC, and somebody of the opposite gender comes and sits right beside you or comes in the elevator and you're alone with that person. It's tough to understand how does the poor end address these simple issues that are really big problems in our everyday day to day lives. So what I'd like to do is give you a perspective and an understanding of what these verses are really trying to teach us. I think the lighter either
these verses will change your life. They will change your life. And the first thing you need to understand is the context of these verses. They actually don't have anything to do with sexual desires. That's how they're used but then the context of it It wasn't revealed in that circumstance. To understand why Allah said this, you need to reverse and go back earlier on in soda to normal. Allah azza wa jal said yeah you have Latina M and Ola Ted Hulu tan hire abou t calm hattah Stephanie su where to sell the more Allah.
Allah azza wa jal says, Oh you people have Amen. Don't enter someone's home unless you do two things. Number one, you get permission to enter that house. Even if it's your own house, even if it's your own house. Let's say the sisters are all there your wife and your daughters, they're having a sister gathering, but you the father wants to come home, you don't get to enter that house without getting permission. Because you may see something you're not supposed to see. So you seek permission. Then once you get permission, the second thing you do is you say Assalamualaikum but to suddenly more Allah say Salaam to the people in that home.
And even if the home is empty, you still say a Salam Alaikum because there are angels dwelling and sitting in your home. And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us that the angels will respond to your Salah.
Then Allah azza wa jal told you now for the brothers, I'm going to speak to you first. Because verse 30, or the first verse I want to address is talking to you. You're the audience. Allah said you believing men. He tells us Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Now I want you to say, Tell these believing men to lower their gaze. Now, here's the problem. What's the connection? You walk into somebody's house, then a lot tells you to lower your gaze. Think about it. These are the mannerisms with respect to social ethics in Islam.
how you behave in a society in a community. When you go to somebody's house as a guest.
What you have to do part of your manners when you're in someone else's home is you focus on the host. You don't become the heroin police, which a lot of cultures do. A lot of cultures, when they go to people's home, they look at the frames on their wall, they look at the curtains, they look around, and they start becoming like a hot on police. Is that Hello, I didn't know you're allowed to hang pictures in your house. Why are you doing that? You don't get to do this. And in addition to that, a lot tells you to lower your gaze because you might look in the kitchen and his wife isn't covered properly. So you may see something you're not supposed to see unless his lower your gaze,
focus on your host. See the connection of the eye. But one of the benefits you get out of the egg is you're able to apply it in any other gathering with the opposite gender. Now listen to how Allah started the discussion. So panelist is absolutely incredible. Allah speaks to His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he says to him, you go and tell the believing men? Why didn't Allah just say yeah, you have levena mo? No. He's said, holy meaning say to these believing men. Why? Because this is the way that Koran is indirectly teaching you to appreciate the teachings and the legacy of our Prophet sallallahu wasallam listen to him and what he has to say because what he says it comes from
So the process seldom is taught to go and tell the believing men his sahabas
Oh, people have Amen.
Do you notice it doesn't say holy Muslim mean?
says what meaning?
That tells you that the audience is not just any group of men. These are men of men.
And then Allah gives his mo his command your hook do men absorbing him via photo photo Jehan tell these believing men to lower their gaze and protect the privates. Now you need to understand this is step by step so you understand how to implement it.
Allah azza wa jal is saying to you when you're in front of the opposite gender, lower your gaze.
But how do you do that? Do you ever find that some men when they're talking to a sister, they're looking at an opposite direction and she's there than others, they look down on the floor. Others they actually have a curtain or they talk to them behind the door, we do different things. Then there are others who just are very carefree, they address the sister closely. And they joke with her and they socialize with her. So we do different things. So what does the *tier or the poor and tell you to do? Allah azza wa jal says,
yo, yo, hoodoo comes from the word of dawn, a hot dog means to make something very weak. It's a toughy for shape makes something weak, of hope doing also means to turn towards a different direction.
So when you're talking to the opposite gender, so brothers when you're talking to a sister or a strange woman,
the first rule of thumb you need to understand is that a lot didn't say don't look. He didn't say don't look at her. He said that when you look at her, we can your look, we can the gaze. What that means is don't get caught up staring at her and assessing her and you're not paying attention to the conversation. If she comes to you to ask a question, if she needs your help, if she's your co worker, stick to the business stick to what the issue is. Don't get into that bubble of socializing, because that's when you get yourself into problems. So Allah gives you ethics of how to follow now if you go to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, did he ever talk to women? All the time. As a
matter of fact, he had private classes just teaching sisters alone, a woman once came up to him and said, Dr. rasulillah, you're always spending time with the men. When are you going to spend time with us and answer our questions? You know, the prophets. I sent him set to this woman. Okay, fine. I'll give you a day. He didn't say to her. No, no, no, no, no, that's, that's not good. That's how long you all need my hands. Y'all. You didn't do any of that. He just said to her, okay, fine. And he allocated one day of the week where he only addressed the women on all of their issues. even deeper than that. A woman came to him sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam and said Yara sola like Eva Papa,
hurry. He she said to him, how do I purify my
Self after menstruation such a private question to ask a man face to face when she comes to the Prophet sallallahu. It was sudden this is the Prophet of Allah. And she asked them this private, intimate question. And you know what he says to her?
He doesn't say, How dare you ask me that?
He doesn't say that's personal. Like, Don't you have any shame? You know what he says to her? He actually gives her the answer. You do A, B and C, the woman didn't understand. So she asked, she probed even further, she said, No, no, no jasola cave, tell me exactly how. So the process is repeated it a second time, she still didn't get it. The third time she asks, tell me exactly what do I have to do? That's when the prophesize seldom knows what his limit is. And he knows that this woman needs a more detailed and deeper explanation. So he refers her to his wife, Chateau de la Juana. And he says, look, go and ask her and she will explain to you step by step how to purify
It's really simple.
You have to understand when you're talking to the opposite gender, if it's business related, or if you're just simply socializing. And if you're socializing, still the standard of what is categorized as socializing is different in every culture. Let me give you an example.
If I go to a sister right now, and I say a Salaam wa Alaykum to her, she responds. Then I asked her, how are you? She says fine, Alhamdulillah. And then I asked her, how's your family, she tells me about our family.
All of this is considered to be standard in the way we socialize with one another. But if I was in Saudi Arabia in Medina, and I asked an Arab woman, said, Mr. yquem, I'd be lucky if she responded. And if she does respond, and then I probe further, and I say, gave a high Look, how are you? I might be in a lot of trouble. Because socially, that's not acceptable there. So what this is teaching you is because this is not defined in the *tier specifically and explicitly, it's different. So you have to know when you're talking to somebody, if you cross over the boundary lines, what those boundary lines are, and Allah gives you a principle and guideline of how to do that when you're
talking to her. We'll do up satakam we can your stare and your look. Now you're probably wondering why even this topic to begin with brothers and sisters quite honestly, if you control what you look at, you will control what you do.
You will have control over your actions. Everything starts off with your eyes. And then Allah azza wa jal tells you min absurdity him from the episode absorbed from the word Buster or what many of you know as bossier, Allah says in the LA semi on bossier. Indeed, Allah is the one that sees everything in here is everything. bas sobre Basia literally means to have a complete view of something. Allah has a complete view of everything. Allah is telling you when you're talking to a woman, restrict your eyes from having a complete view of her.
And even for the sisters, it's the same thing.
Don't assess him from head to toe, what kind of shoelaces he wearing? What kind of pants you know, if it's dirty, you don't have the right don't do any of that stick to what the situation is and what the question is about. Stick to the subject. That's what a lie saying for you to do. So from a complete view, limit your look
and address the problem. Then Allah azza wa jal says, Why follow Farrugia home Subhana Allah then protect the privates. That's a huge leap.
We just finished talking about the eyes
and then the jumped to the privates. A lot of things have to happen in between. That's not how, generally speaking how a guy builds a relationship with a girl. He doesn't just look at her and then will I ever be learned May Allah protect us from it from this, he doesn't just fall into Xena immediately. A lot of things have to happen he has to build a relationship with her.
So those little things in between. In Arabic we call it Sunnah. Sunnah literally means to manufacture something from the ground up. Think about how a guy wants to develop a relationship with a girl think about what he does. The first thing he starts off with is he talks to her
Salam, then from the Salaam, he'll try to build up a conversation. Hey, didn't I see you at that convention the other day? You're the same person, right? Then he goes somewhere he probed further, he asked, When was your family? Where are you from? How can I keep seeing you in this community to do live close by and it gets closer and closer and shaytan gets stronger and stronger than they exchange numbers, then they go to emails, then they meet each other than they're alone. And then you know, what happens if it's not under control where their ultimate destination is? All of these things in between is called sonar.
Remember that word, because listening to what happens next. A lot tells you for you, brothers, why it's so important to control your eyes Alice's velyka as Carola home, that's pure for them. This is a way you get to purify your heart and your soul. Brothers, if you control what you will look at, you will focus better in your life, you will achieve your goals you will study better, you will be able to pray and focus your whole show will rise everything about your life, you will have control simply because you control what you look at that he can escala home, this is pure for them. Now I told you to manufacture something is called sooner. When you see construction hair happening in
Arabic, we call it sanera. How did the end?
In the LA hubiera. Allah is fully well aware, the manual scenario
of what you manufacture.
Some brothers when they go
to a conference, and the speakers in front of them and the sisters are on that side, his bodies in front of the speakers, but his eyes is over there.
Some brothers they do this.
Allah says I know exactly what you're doing.
I know the little things that you're trying to build in between.
And Allah focuses on us. We're the ones that do this, that sometimes if we're careless with our email, we manipulate that girl, we make her feel like she's the only girl in this world. Now, parents, you need to understand this because sometimes your own sons and daughters are doing this. They're really clever in high school, and in college, and maybe even in Late Middle School, they're doing this, you give your child a cell cell phone, and you have no idea who he or she is talking to. But at the dinner table there, they're still typing away. Nine out of 10 times they're just locked up in the room, the only conversation with them is come and take out the garbage. Come and eat, go
clean up your will do your homework. And that's it. If you don't know who your children are talking to, I can guarantee you they're talking to somebody else that saying to them, who cares what your parents think, okay, you can talk to her. You guys can be boyfriends and girlfriends, it's all good. So you have to stay in tune of the privileges that you give your children and how it's abused. A law says I know exactly what they're up to.
The area began with Walkman.
So if you have this problem with yourself, or you have this problem with your children, and you take them to the shoe, and you say sure you advise my kid,
you know he comes from a good home he memorized for an but he likes girls. He wants to have a girlfriend advise him, and we do that.
But then you go back home. There's no Salah in the house. There's no core and time in the house. There's no discipline, there's no guidance. There's no rules. There's no tarbiyah
don't expect us we can't solve those problems. What this is telling you is if you can't control your eyes, it's an immense problem. It's not a desire problem. You have weak, amen. Your child is suffering from weak faith. You have to work on their heart and on their faith with Allah. So they understand what it means when you say to them Allah is watching you. Allah is overseer, Eliza semia he hears everything you say you're doing everything you're saying. You see kids don't know how to internalize these attributes of a lot. So you the parents have to teach them this,
which you can't forget yourself.
You can't be puffing a cigarette and then telling your child don't do this stuff.
You can't be engaging and socializing with random women and expect that your child will end up doing the same. I always say you can't allow your child to go to all of the high school
school dances and expect that they won't want to go to the prom. And you say, No, no, no, you're not going to the prom. Look what you put them through, look how many years you didn't give them the tarbiyah that they needed so that they could preserve that. Now all broken, things are fixable, you can repair it. So if this is an indication that faith is weakened to home brothers and sisters, you can fix this. You can repair this, you can go back home and start thinking about what is a man like in your house? And if it's anything similar to that in the masjid, and now we move forward. That's the message that Allah gives to you and is brothers sisters. Verse 31, is yours. Allah azza wa jal
gives you the same message we'll call the milk Mina say to the believing women, y'all do that? I mean, I'm sorry, no, I have no furu. Gentlemen, tell them to lower their gaze and to control the privates. But then Allah did something very different. He said to the women while Are you busy in a Xena to one in Raveena while the other ribbon ob hamari him Allah to you be him while Are you busy in a Xena tahune elderly bartoletti in in,
it's very long as
Allah said to the women, and don't flaunt your beauty, except that which is obvious. Let me repeat this again.
Don't flaunt or expose your beauty, except that which is obvious.
Now understand the
first thing Allah says don't flaunt your beauty.
This is where he jab starts to play a major role.
Because Allah already attributed to the woman, that a woman is beautiful,
The beauty that Allah created her with his saying to her, don't go and flaunt this to people.
And if you think that your hijab is an garment of beauty, you're missing the point of what hijab is. You ever see sometimes on YouTube, there's these hijab tutorials, and there's a hijab for when you're driving, there's a hijab stuff or when you're walking, there's a hijab style for the wedding for the reception. When you're on the subway, when you're doing this, there's a hijab style for every circumstance of the day, you're missing the point. The hijab is not a garment of beautification. It's a garment of humility. It's supposed to make you feel humble in front of Allah, because Allah made you so beautiful. He told you, I need you to cover up. When you go outside. There
are only nine categories of people you're allowed to take your hijab off in front of. It's also mentioned in verse 31. But it's a it's a separate discussion.
Then Allah said in melva hora minha. There's an exception, except that which is obvious. So there's an element of beauty for a woman that is an obvious beauty. She can't do anything about you can't cover it up. You ever see some women, they, they'll just and the sisters, they know this, they put on their hijab, they have no makeup, nothing. And still a brother might look at her and see beauty in her. She might think, Oh my god, I didn't do any dress up. I didn't do anything. But still there are some that find her beautiful. This is telling you that there's an obvious beauty in her she can't stop. She can't control she can't cover up she's not accountable in front of a lover that
the least least she has to do is while the other ribbon or the hamari Hinata. Do you begin this last portion of the A is what I'm going to conclude with in the second part of the hook but my brothers and sisters May Allah so a job bless us with fifth bless us with understanding of his book and the teachings of His Messenger Salalah while he was sending them a pulu matter smartphone was stuff it will lie to you welcome what he said it was to me and him equally them for Sofitel in Nepal who will have a photo Rahim.
Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah He was happy he woman while Mr. Barrett while the other ribbon, a
yellow ribbon that comes from the verb Baba, Baba, one of its meanings is something that moves like this. Constantly back and forth. It's always moving. What does that have to do with a woman's hijab? sisters? Don't you ever find that some of you when you put on your hijab in your house, by the time you get to your car, you have to fix it again. Then when you get to the venue you got to go to the washroom.
Fix it again. Then every five minutes It keeps getting loose, the pin falls out, your hair sticks out all of this because you're constantly battling with your hijab. You think it's annoying a law called worship Subhana Allah. You're in the state of Alabama when you're struggling with that garment, some non many non Muslims but some modern Muslims, they say to you, there is no command in the Quran for hijab.
There is no command and you know something, they're absolutely right. There isn't a single area in the Quran that says a woman has to wear hijab, because he jabbed in the Quran doesn't mean a headscarf, it means a curtain. The command for the woman to cover her head. The word that is used is Mr. Walia the ribbon be Homer, Homer plural for him out. What is this telling you? Allah is talking to the prophecy Solomon is saying, Tell those women to take their mouths, meaning a head cover. Now back in the days before this area was given, the women were covering their head, but they used to have a ponytail where the garments would fall at the back. So this area came down and told them to
take that garment now and let it fall. Allah Do you be Hindu you be Hindu j bun? It's the chest cavity for obvious reasons, for obvious reasons. Now she's going to take that garment and cover the front. Do you notice something already?
Allah azza wa jal
told the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, tell them to take their remodels. He didn't say,
take a timeout and give it to them. What does that tell you that the women were already doing before this idea? They were already covering their heads.
Just change the style.
So EMR, it's the headcovering. And Allah azza wa jal says, Now let it fall in the front.
Now this is important. This is important. Because, again, a lot repeats himself and don't expose or flaunt your beauty, except to your buruma. Borrow, Latina is one of the terms and poor and for a husband, a husband is also called barren, barren literally refers to a tree that is not dependent on nourishment, like it only gets water maybe once or twice a year. So think about like an evergreen tree. Just once in a while, you don't actually have to sit there and water and evergreen tree, it's survived throughout the year. So a husband is given the same term, because when he needs nourishment, whenever he does, he goes to his wife, he doesn't go to anyone else. And his wife is
always there to give the beauty that he looks for. So that way his eyes is fixated on her and no one else.
All of this if you put it together,
and I summarize, and I conclude brothers and sisters, there is a massive bankruptcy. With the eyes in all Muslim communities around the world. Don't think this is only a Toronto problem, or a Western problem. This is a problem throughout the world. And I always focus on the little things people always say Why are you talking about the eyes? We've got Islamophobia going on. We've got this problem. We've got these worldly issues. We got this country in turmoil, we've got the refugees going this way. Like why are you talking about eyes for this is the problem when you start trivializing sins that in and of itself is a major sin.
When you start taking the little things for granted that attitude, in and of itself is a major sin in the sight of Allah. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us in NEMA Borth to Little Timmy muckety muck up, I was sent down to complete beautiful manners. We have to be good people with ourselves and our families before we can be good to people around us. We have to be strong, practicing families before we can build strong practicing communities.
And so brothers and sisters, this is only an insight, food for thought. Go back to your homes, go back to your families and study the eyes. What are they looking at? What are they focused on? Have they been so accustomed to seeing something that Allah said Don't stare at it? Have you become so accustomed to it and ask a lot of purify you ask a lot to strengthen your hijab and protect it with you. And B is the letter Allah with that Allah will preserve and protect your email. May Allah azza wa jal protect our Amen. And may Allah subhanho wa Taala increases in our knowledge of Islam.
Book and the knowledge of the Sunnah of our Prophet and our messenger Salatu was Salam O Allah, and I conclude and send peace and blessings to our souls sallallahu alayhi wa sallam kyma madrona subhanho wa Taala Phaeton xili in Allahu Allah aka tahu you saloon arland NaVi yeah you have Latina M and solwara he was suddenly motus Lima Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Allah Allah Mohammed camisa later Allah Ibrahim Allah early Ibrahima innaka homido Majeed Allah Moffitt in Muslim ina well Muslim as well meaning you know one minute here in Houma and what inika quarryman semi amo gebouwd dharwad Allahumma Indian Anissa local Jenna or Makarova, la Hermann Colin alignment when are the
becoming a novela Robert la Herman Polin, our ML or abana attina dunia hacer la fille karate hacer una joaquina either but now soprano because mobilicity I'm a foreigner was Solomon island was sadena al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen