Muiz Bukhary – Three Languages Of Love

			Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
		

			smilla rahmanir rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen also leivo Selim while ashrafi lamea evil
mousseline, and Avi you know what have you been our karate our unit Mohammed ebene Abdullah
		

			Li he was the he of the lucidity term with the slim back for the fall along with abeka Diana for
analyzes bad Voodoo Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim
		

			Bismillah Ar Rahman AR or a woman see he and fall upon I
		

			mean,
		

			forsaken as Juan netus kuno la
		

			Lita, schooner kuno Eli
		

			man in fee the honey
		

			aka homie
		

			all praise and thanks be to Almighty Allah subhanho wa Taala who is our Creator sustainer and
nourish, protect and cure. We ask Allah subhana wa dialler to shower his choices of blessings and
salutations upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family members, his
companions and all those who tread upon his path with utmost sincerity until the day of
		

			May Allah azza wa jal make us all from the people of taqwa for Indeed, the people of taqwa are the
ones who will be successful in this world as well as the hereafter. My dear respected elders and
brothers in Islam in sha Allah Allah for today's talk,
		

			I wish to focus on the ayah that I just recited and inshallah Dara the talk will revolve around this
ayah we will try to explain this ayah word by word in shallow dialogue. So, to start off Eliza
Virgil make his states in the novel called on the I just recited woman, Aya T and Holla Holla comin
and fusi come as Raja and it is from His signs from the signs of Allah subhana wa ala and hello
Carla come in and fusi come as wotja that he has created for you all, from within you, partners,
spouses mates. So from the signs of Allah subhanho wa Taala what signs are Eliza Virgil, talking
about? If you look around you you see so many of the signs of Allah subhana wa dialler and from this
		

			we understand that they are the bounties and favors of Allah Subhana Allah dialler that he has the
Virgil has conferred upon us there are numerous bounties and favors in another place. Alas, behind
that what Allah states, what is it that I would do if I met a law Hina to sue her, if you were to
try and count the blessings of Allah subhanho wa Taala you will not be able to do so you would fail
to enumerate all of the blessings of Allah subhana wa dialler because indeed, the blessings of Allah
are so numerous in number, if you look at your own self, your own body, you have so many blessings
of Allah Subhana Allah present within you, when you look around you at the creations around you,
		

			there are so many blessings of Allah subhanho wa Taala that many manifests itself right in front of
your eyes. So from this, we understand that we are indebted. In other words, we need to tank a loss
behind that what we need to show gratitude on to Allah subhana wa Taala for the numerous favors that
he has conferred upon us. Now coming to the next few words. It is from His signs that he has created
for you all from within you all made spouses. Now this is also a huge favor from Allah subhana wa
dialler. In other words, marriage because if Allah behind them who had Allah had wished, he is the
most powerful of all, He is the Creator, he could have created us, like certain bacteria, certain
		

			Amoeba that Reaper reproduce by itself, with no need whatsoever towards a mate. certain bacteria
reproduce by itself. It doesn't necessarily need a mate to reproduce. But Allah subhanho wa Taala
out of his infinite wisdom and knowledge, He created us human beings in such a way that we are in
need of a partner, we are in need of a spouse, we are in need of mates to reproduce. This is from
the wisdom of Allah subhana wa Taala.
		

			And why did Eliza Virgil do that? Lita, schooner, la ha Allah subhanho wa Taala himself states the
reason so that you may have
		

			Find tranquility by your spouses so that you may find peace by your spouse's. When Allah subhana wa
tada created our father Adam alayhis Salatu was Salam. It was as if it was as if Adam Allah who
salatu salam could not really be happy in Jenna without a spouse and the Allies the virgin created
our mother, Hawaii aloha salatu wa sallam. It was as if Adam Allah who saw that was Salam was not
complete without his better half until the last behind them what Allah created however, alayhi
salatu was Salam. So the tests kuno ha ha, so that we may find peace, we may find tranquility by
them, this is the purpose of Allah subhana wa dialler creating spouses and mates for us. And then
		

			Allah azza wa jal goes on to mention a very, very important thing and this is the part where I will
be focusing on inshallah data. Watch, I'll have been a goon Ma,
		

			Ma. And then I was behind a dialer placed between you all, Mauer and Rama, two completely different
things. Some people have misunderstood these two things to be one, but in reality, they're not one
they're two completely different things. Let me first translate my word that is love. In other
words, passionate love. Maota and urashima is mercy. We say Allah is Al Rahman, Allah is a Rahim. So
Allah subhanho wa Taala has placed between us IE between ourselves and our spouses, love and mercy.
So scholars Rahim Allah explain in other words, scholars of Tafseer they explain that an
individual's marriage based on this ayah an individual's marriage consists of phases consists of
		

			stages, and then you have modern day psychologist, marriage counselors, who state that an
individual's marriage
		

			more or less consists of five phases. Now, this is not a definite statement, nor is it a blanket
statement. In other words, everybody's marriage does not come under this, but in general, it kind of
makes sense. So I thought it worthwhile to mention it today. So certain psychologists state that an
individual's marriage consists of five phases. Phase number one is the in love phase, the in love
stage, that is when an individual is perhaps fixed, and is about to get married. Now he has,
		

			you know, perhaps he has received information about the girl he is going to get married to, perhaps
like the groom. Now, you know, I mean, just before the nikka, just before the Nika the few moments
before the Nika This is known as the in love phase. And it's this phase where the two spouses start
thinking about one another, they aren't keeping in touch but they're always thinking about one
another counting the days you have certain people who keep updating their Facebook status as you
know, six days to go four or five days to go for days to go. They're thinking about one another,
this is the in love phase phase number one. And then what happens is this particular marriage this
		

			relationship of the two spouses, they move on to phase number two, which is newlywed in a few
minutes inshallah Allah after the groom signs on the dotted line, and after he utters the
statements, which are relevant to Nika, he will move on to the newly wed phase. And at times, this
phase is also known as the honeymoon phase. Now, this is a phase where the two spouses Now earlier
they were thinking about one another, now it is as if they cannot do without one another. They
always together, say, even if they go out, on a honeymoon, perhaps they never come out of the room,
they always with one another, as if you know, you've got some super glue in between them, they're
		

			pasted together, they're always together. This is the second phase, this is the newly wed phase.
		

			After some time, this couple now moves on to the third phase. Now, this is a bit of a scary phase.
And like I said, it's not a definite statement, it's not a blanket statement, it does not mean that
every marriage goes through these phases, but in general, it makes sense. The third phase or stage
is known as the disappointment phase,
		

			the disappointment phase. Now, this is the phase where at times
		

			the two spouses are exposed to certain flaws, certain mistakes that they did not predict, or they
did not think that you know, my man wouldn't have thought that his wife has these certain flaws
certain mistakes. Now, after the honeymoon phase and after some time, this particular phase comes
along, where they are exposed to one another's faults and mistakes, but now this is a dangerous
phase. Now from
		

			Phase they need to quickly move on to the fourth phase, which is the adjustment phase. Now, in this
phase, they understand one another, they accept one another with
		

			their shortcomings. In other words, they accept an individual for who he or she is. In other words,
the husband accepts his wife for who she is, and the wife accepts her husband for who he is with the
shortcomings with the faults because after all, none of us we as human beings, we are created
between alkota one Nishan between mistakes and forgetfulness, none of us, none of us are perfect, we
are all you know, we all make mistakes. So it is upon us to accept one another in a relationship. If
a girl or a woman were to wait for her prince charming to come, her flawless prince charming, that's
never going to happen. And likewise, if a man were to wait for his Prince Charming to come, that's
		

			also not going to happen. So the fourth stage is an adjustment stage where the two partners, the two
spouses, they compromise they adjust to one another. Because what we need to understand, and I think
this is a misconception that many youngsters have today is that marriage is all about love. You hear
this many times that marriage is all about love. In reality, I'm sure the well seasoned individuals
in the crowd who are married, they will attest to my statement saying that marriage is not only
about love, yes, marriage does play a big role. In other words, love does play a big role in a
marriage. But a marriage does not only consist of love, you have other elements to that contribute
		

			to making a marriage complete, such as sacrifices, commitment, responsibility, compromising, you
need to have all of these elements to make a marriage complete. And yes, of course, love is the
center love plays a big role as we will come back to the IRA Allah subhanho wa Taala stated with
Allah Vina kumada Allah has placed Love, love plays a big role, but then there are other elements
that contribute to complete an individual's marriage. So fourth stage adjustment, where they start
to adjust to one another, and then they move on, if they cross all of these stages, without any
trouble or turbulence, they finally come to the last stage which is known as autopilot.
		

			The autopilot stage, as you all know, when you
		

			when a pilot takes off, for example, he puts the plane or the flight into autopilot, and then the
plane, you know, cruises smoothly. Unless, of course, they go through air pockets or turbulence,
then the pilot gets back in, you know, he controls it and once again, only when landing. So now if
the marriage cruises smoothly through all of these four stages and reaches the final stage and
hamdulillah with no issues, no problems, inshallah to Allah, the marriage will travel for an
eternity in sha Allah tala. So that's the final stage. So the ayah highlights this, that an
individual's relationship moves from stage to stage from phase to phase, from love to mercy. Now,
		

			how do these two elements fit? Initially, it's hot, young, passionate love. But then say during the
adjustment phase, when at times when a man sees certain things in his wife, or when a woman sees
certain things in her husband, it is upon the element of aurasma Have mercy to come into play at
that moment. In other words, the man needs to look at his wife and think, Oh, she is the mother of
my children. She bombing so many children, she went through so many pregnancies. And then if you
look at it from an overall sense, she looks after my house, she washes my clothes, she looks after
my children. She keeps everything clean, neat and tidy. She cooks for me, she prepares food for me,
		

			she does all of this whilst in reality, the Sharia does not demand any of this from her. She is not
required to wash your clothes, look after your house. You know, keep your house clean, neat and
tidy. She the Sharia does not require from her that she cooks for you know, you need to keep someone
else for that you need to employ a maid or a servant for that. But then all of this she's doing it
out of her own goodwill. So a man needs to look at his spouse from that perspective and have mercy
upon her even though she may have a fault or two and then compromise, adjust and move forward.
Likewise, a woman she needs to look at her husband and think he's the breadwinner. At the end of the
		

			day. He goes out every single morning he he works hard. he strives hard and he comes back home with
food. He looks after me. He looks after my children.
		

			He keeps us happy he spends on us. He spends on me spends on my children. He does all of this. He is
loyal to me he has not betrayed me all of these things. So the minute a tiny problem crops up a
small albumen crops up before it blows out of proportion, it is upon the two spouses to take hold of
this element of Rama and feel merciful towards one another. Then what happens is the minute the
levels of love drop a little when you inject mercy, it recharges the levels of Mauer the back to
100%. And then the release relationship the marriage moves smoothly through the five stages that we
just mentioned. Now coming back to the term Maota
		

			Love is something that Allah subhanho wa Taala has created each and every one of us with you and I
we have all been created with Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala has created us in such a way we love
our parents, we love our children, we love our spouses. If you look at the animal kingdom, you see
the young ones loving their parents, and you see the animals that give birth loving their children,
you have this this element of love Allah subhanho wa Taala has placed it amongst his creation. So it
is upon us to love our spouses. So scholars and other experts, they state that love has three
primary languages. So what is a language a language is something that an individual users to express
		

			himself or herself. Now I am speaking to you all in English, and you understand me, all of you, you
understand me because I'm expressing what I want to express what is in my mind what is in my head in
English. And all of you, you understand me it is a matter of expressing oneself. So love has three
important languages. In other words, you can express love through these three languages. Number one,
very swiftly. Number one is romance. It's a very important element. And these days, when we counsel
people who In other words,
		

			husbands and wives who are going through perhaps a patch of trouble in their relationship, this is
one of the main complaints that they come up with lack of romance. Like I said, stage number one
stage number two Mashallah. It's all bubbly love, young, passionate love. But then when they
progress on to stage number three, the levels of romance begin to deplete May Allah subhanahu wa
taala protect our marriages. So it is important that we implement romance the primary language of
love throughout our marriage and this is from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam.
Once it's a hobby, a companion asked Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam jasola Who do you love
		

			most?
		

			Who do you love most? And you know what the reply of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam was? I
love Ayesha the most.
		

			Today how many of us how many of us acknowledge our wives as such? This is not something that also
realized that Allahu Allah Selim said in the privacy of his room, no, a companion is coming in
asking him how many of us talk about our better halves. Nowadays we don't we ignore them. But then
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he acknowledges and expresses his love that he had for
eyeshadow de la Juana. He said the individual I love the most is Ayesha are the long line huh? Then
there's a hobby the companion went on to ask Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Okay, Yasuda la
so what about the men from the men who do you love the most? And then also the lies that a long
		

			while you send them replied her father. In other words, his father in law, Abu back are the long
line.
		

			Now, did you know the way Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam replied he could have said abou
back.
		

			He said he could have said the individual I love the most from the men is Abubakar Ayala one but no
look at the way he replied for a long while he was lm he said her father once again. He is
attributing it to eyeshadow, the last one How do you see the Love You see, the way he's expressing
his love crossover is that a long island was lm. So romance, romance can be expressed primarily
		

			in verbal expressions. So it is upon us to express our love towards our spouses. By there's no harm
in saying I love you often. Now, like I said, initially in the first two stages, there's a lot of I
love you back and forth. You have WhatsApp, emoticons going around Smiley's the kissing Smiley's the
hearts, the throbbing hearts, all of these beautiful things, but gradually as it progresses on to
the third fourth stage those passionate
		

			He says become quick pics and the quick pics become nods and you know when when an individual is on
his laptop perhaps work working and if his wife were to come in he just nods at her. Now the kisses
are gone, the pics are gone, the hugs are gone, the statements of love are gone. This is what
results in the levels of love depleting in a marriage. And we see the Sunnah of the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, whenever he for a long while he was amused to enter his house, his home
used to make miswak and the scholars explained and he did that so that he could kiss his wife.
		

			He could kiss his wife and he did not want to offend her, perhaps with a bad odor that may come out
of his mouth he used to make miswak whenever he used to leave his home and go to domestic he used to
kiss his wife and leave to domestic. He used to kiss his wife and leave to domestic this has been
reported to us by eyeshadow, the long line. So what are the expressions? He used to call her very
fondly? Yeah, I wish her name was Ayesha name was Ayesha he used to call her eyes, the eyes, a pet
name, he used to call her Humira. I say this often in most of my lectures because it still hasn't
come into practice in our country, especially in Colombia. He used to call her Humira. A pet name,
		

			her name was not familiar. Her name was Ayesha used to call her Humira, which means a rosy cheeked
one, a rosy cheeked one. Yeah, Humira. I said this the other day, too, but we notice here in
Colombo, and perhaps the outskirts of Colombo is that we men
		

			or even the sisters, they call their spouses using pronouns, our, our anger, and they use pronouns.
So my question to the people who use pronouns is that is used spouse, just a pronoun just a third
person in your life and that's it. So why can't be used sweet names? Look at this one. Now the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we can call them honey, darling, Buttercup, cupcake, all kinds
of names. These things increase the levels of love. This is from the Sunnah of the Prophet alayhi
salaatu wa salam verbal expressions, saying I love you often calling them using sweet names. All of
this is from the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So verbal expressions as well as
		

			physical gestures. And in this video respected elders and brothers in Islam, you have two types. One
is known as a spontaneous romance and another is known as a responsive romance. Spontaneous romance
is when you do something without prompting without any prompting. Say for example, you come home and
you see that your wife is tired and she couldn't cook you immediately order some food in or say
you're on your way home. You buy a rose or a flower and just go gift it to her with no prompting not
doing it just on a particular day, or a certain people do for Valentine's Day and for the
anniversary and birthdays and all of these things. I'm not in support of that I'm talking about
		

			random random gifts. You do it randomly this brings about love because it is surprised her it will
surprise a tiny gift it does not have to be a diamond ring. It can be something cheap. It can be
something simple, but still, it's the thought that counts. The sort of I said a long while he said
him his report to have said the hat though the higher blue gift one another you will love one
another gift one another you will love one another if you gift something, it will result in loved
sprouting. So it is upon us to give our spouses once in a while and this is from the Sunnah of the
Prophet alayhi salatu was Salam. Now responsive romance is when you respond to a certain
		

			circumstance, a certain situation by an act of romance, say when you come home if your wife
complains of a backache but there is no harm in giving her a back massage. If she complains of a
perhaps her legs aching, there is no harm in giving her a foot massage. And perhaps the two spouses
can sit facing one another and she can massage her husband's feet wise the husband can massage his
wife's feet. This is you know, you scratch my back, I scratch your back. It's give and take after
all. Marriage is a two way street. It's not a one way street, you give and you take you give respect
you get respect you give love you get love. So the first language is romance. The second language My
		

			dear respected elders and brothers in Islam is to spend quality time is to spend quality time with
one another, especially with our spouses as well as our children. Our children need our presents
more than our presents. Our children need our presents more than our presents more than our gifts.
They need us so we need to be there for them, especially the ones who are businessmen who travel
frequently. People who are away from home a lot. They must make time they must bring in a
		

			Proper shedule where they spend quality time with their spouses, as well as their children, because
later on my dear respected elders and brothers in Islam, after your child grows up, and after your
child becomes busy, and when you become free at that time, you won't be able to spend time with them
and then you will regret and then there is no point in crying over spilt milk. So it is upon us to
spend as much as time possible with our spouses as well as our children, male us behind them what
Allah help us all to do. So the final, most important language of romance, my dear respected elders
and others in Islam is intimacy. This is also a complaint that we hear often intimacy, and I'm
		

			talking about sexual intimacy. Now, this is not something that people generally go into a lot of
explicit details, because people feel it is appropriate to do so. But then again, because people
thought it in appropriate to discuss this matter, this matter became ignored. And today we have many
couples complaining of this, and both sides are to be blamed at times.
		

			The wife complains that her husband is not interested in her, or whenever he approaches her, it's
just about *. And it's about him attaining pleasure and then call us that's it. Oh, at times, you
hear the complaint coming from the man where he states that whenever I want to indulge, she is not
ready, and I don't
		

			sense that positive reply from her. For this many respected elders and brothers in Islam. It is
important that we understand how our mechanisms work, we need to understand that Allah Subhana Allah
has created men differently, has created women differently. We are two separate creations of Allah
Subhana who at the island, we need to understand how our mechanisms work, how our bodies work,
imagine I am Rahim Allah, He is reputed to have said that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
forbade men from indulging in perhaps sexual * without proper foreplay. He said a long
while he was enemies reporter have said in the narration goes along the lines of these words, a man
		

			is not supposed to pounce on his wife like an animal. Before he does it, it is upon him to send a
messenger now what is this messenger the messenger is foreplay, where you send messages that you are
interested in, perhaps indulging in in in sexual intimacy, and then you carry on we are not supposed
to behave like Bulls in a china shop. At times we meant we behave like that may Allah Subhana Allah
protect us. At times we come home from work, we don't change, we don't refresh ourselves. We there
is a bad odor coming from us. And we just pounce on our spouses expecting them to respond happily,
this is not how we're supposed to do it. I mean, when you take the first two stages, they're so
		

			excited. If you recall your honeymoon, I'm sure you must have used so many perfumes, so many mouth
freshness. But then gradually as it goes down the line past a few stages, you know the two spouses
they just lose interest in one another. This is why the levels of romance deplete so it is upon us
to understand how our mechanisms work and act accordingly. A good example that psychologists as well
as marriage counselors highlight is that a woman's body
		

			is like an oven. And a man's body is like a microwave. I'm using in direct terms because I don't
want to be explicit. A man's body is like a microwave and a woman's body is like an oven. In other
words, a man's body heats up instantly heats up instantly a microwave you put in your cup of tea
inside it's out within a minute it heats up East instantly. In other words, a man gets turned on
very easily. On the other hand, a woman is like an oven it gradually heats up and the heat does not
go very easily. So we need to understand how our mechanisms work and act accordingly. This is from
the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And it is very important that we maintain the
		

			three C's in sexual intimacy. Number one, which is confidence, we need to maintain confidence in a
sexual relationship both partners if they are not confident, then it will result in in ups and
downs. Say for example, if the wife were to think that her husband is not very pleased with her, or
if she is not confident of her finger, if she is not confident of herself, it's going to result in a
rocky sexual intimacy May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect our marriages. So and it is upon as men
not to comment sarcastically in regard to our spouses, because the minute we do that, it results in
a puncture in the confidence of either one of the two spouses results.
		

			In lack of confidence, so number one, confidence. Number two communication, there needs to be good
communication. Say for example, if there's something that offends you in your spouse, there needs to
be good communication for you to be able to communicate that across. Say, for example, if she does
not like, the way you dress, when you come to bed, or if she does not like the bad odor that's
coming out from your mouth, there is no point in biting your teeth, and indulging in a passionate
kiss. There has to be good communication, where you can tell your husband or perhaps you can tell
your wife, please, you know, why don't we go perhaps refresh ourselves? Why don't we use a mouth
		

			freshener? Why don't we just brush our teeth and get back. So then it will result in good
communication and good intimacy between the two spouses. The final scene My dear respected elders
and brothers in Islam, with that I conclude in sha Allah, Allah is creativity. Creativity is very
important. I mean, throughout your relationship, at times, things tend to become monotonous. And
things tend to become
		

			a routine, where perhaps both spouses know that even if they were to indulge in intimacy, this is
how it works. This is how it will be in one minute in two minutes and three minutes, and it's all
done and they go back to sleep. There needs to be a little bit of creativity, you know, perhaps
creativity in terms of changing the environment, changing the positions, all of these things help in
boosting the intimacy of a relationship. Like I said, people find it a little difficult to talk or
awkward to talk about these things, but because it's not spoken about. It's resulting in marriages
facing a lot of problems in this sector. So it is upon the scholars to educate the masses in regard
		

			to this from the teachings of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And one more thing in terms of
creativity. That's why at times, marriage counselors highlight a lot that it is good for two spouses
to take a vacation once in a while, because there is a change of environment because most of the
time you spend in your bedroom. Now when they when you take a vacation, there is a change of
environment that will also help boost the levels of intimacy in a relationship. So with that, we
conclude We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to protect our marriages, we ask Allah azza wa jal to
forgive all of our sins except our good deeds. And may Allah subhanahu wa taala bless the marriage
		

			that is about to take place in another few minutes. May He bless the two spouses may fill their
hearts with pure love mercy and care for one another. May He bless them with beautiful children who
will be obedient and who will also be a coolness to their eyes. And likewise May Allah subhanho wa
Taala unite all of us just as how he united as here this beautiful Sunday afternoon in the gardens
of Jenna with our beloved Master Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. I mean waka Yanan hamdu
Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa *