The Women Around the Messenger SAW – Episode 21

Muhammad West


Channel: Muhammad West


File Size: 6.50MB

Episode Notes

Share Page

Transcript ©

AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

00:00:05--> 00:00:07

mean Serato Sir madrasha

00:00:08--> 00:00:48

early he was a marine. I beloved brothers This is Islam Islam Allah. Wa barakato sokola Hey, thank you so much for joining us this episode 21 hour series the blizzard women around the mission just sort of lost a limb. And you said prediction last week was our 20th episode actually in our 19th and occasionally we thank Allah subhanaw taala for allowing us allowing the series to to reach this milestone, and we perhaps a third or more of the way into the series, we still have a lot more ground to cover. Well hamdulillah and we thank you for for those who have supported well. hamdulillah last week we were speaking about another half Saudi Ilana and we said something

00:00:48--> 00:01:30

interesting about her is that it appears that the prophets of Salaam had divorced her with one talaq because of a secret which he which he revealed to eyeshadow, the Lada and this was mentioned in Surah, two the hareem 66 surah. And we're talking a little bit about the law itself. Rather, we're talking about divorce and I think we should, we should separate our understanding the word divorce doesn't necessarily equate to talak because talaq is one method of divorce, we see that in Islam, there are three types of divorce, there is the talaq, there is first, and then there is hula. And these are three different ways of ending a marriage. But before we speak about how a marriage should

00:01:30--> 00:02:11

be ended, and the rules attached to that questions have come in asking, How do I know if it's time to in this marriage? How do I know if things are over? It's better for us to separate Now, while the Sharia, of course never encourages a marriage to end, and the Sharia builds many mechanisms inside to prevent a marriage from indeed, it does allow for the option that ultimately for certain people, in certain circumstances, it is best for both parties to go separate in a nice way to separate on good terms. Rather than make things worse, sometimes the relationship becomes so toxic, that it is bad and detrimental to the couple, and to those around them, for them to remain together. And

00:02:11--> 00:02:53

therefore, of course, divorce has been legalized in Islam. It's a big discussion in determining when is it the best time to divorce. But what we can say with this regard, is that one should consider why you got married in the first place, we get married for a number of reasons, but ultimately, the first and the main reason is to please Allah to be a better servant to Allah to grow closer to Allah. And we choose a partner that will assist us in that regard. And then of course, we choose a partner that will bring happiness and comfort and make our dunya our worldly existence beta. So if those two things are not being met, or those two things are being harmed, if your marriage is taking

00:02:53--> 00:03:32

you away from Allah, if your marriage is making you a worse Muslim, or if your marriage is bad for your dounia, then in that regard, one should then think about whether it is it is time for a divorce. There are many reasons there are some reasons that are good reasons we could say there are like valid reasons for getting divorced. But really, in fact, the Sharia still makes this a personal choice. For a man for example, he does not need to give a reason why he wants to divorce his wife. He could simply it could be a bad reason, it could be a good reason, it could be valid, it could be invalid, but the talaq nonetheless, is legitimate and it faults. So it's a personal choice. The idea

00:03:32--> 00:04:08

does not give you a checklist, in terms of these things need to be lacking, or these bad qualities need to be present in your partner. Rather, you should make this decision for yourself. Is this marriage good for me for my first question, it was good for my author. And we saw this issue with hafsa, even though she made a big mistake. And even though she upset the prophet SAW said I'm deeply Allah subhanho wa Taala sent a message to him saying that, look, she's a good woman, a pious woman. And on that regard, once you look at the piety of your spouse, and how it affects you positively, of course, as we said, marriage is not just solely for the hero, you don't only marry someone for the

00:04:08--> 00:04:44

sake of the ring closer to Allah, in the accurate but rather you want to have goodness and happiness and joy in the dunya. The Prophet also lumps is the best commodity and the best delight of this dunya meaning that the world is filled with delights and enjoyment. But the thing that is the biggest treasure and the biggest delight, is to have a partner, a wife that pleases you, this is the best thing you could have. So obviously, we all want that in our spouses. So you make this decision. And before we get to Divorce, Divorce should always be the last resort. There are a number of steps that you should take before you reach that conclusion. So whether you as a man are thinking of

00:04:44--> 00:05:00

divorcing your wife, you as a woman thinking about leaving the marriage before you get the there are a number of steps. You try talking you try fixing the problem. The fact that you are in any car to begin with, shows you that there was a moment whether it was

00:05:00--> 00:05:38

The moment or there is something between the two of you that you love about each other that attracts you. He was a goodness between you there was a soft, happy, there were moments of joy between you. So you are capable of being happy with each other. Surely, of course, every relationship goes through its rocky patches. So first try to fix those problems, discuss those things, especially if you're early in your marriage, many, many problems will arise that you weren't experiencing before. try and resolve them at maturity, then if you're not able to resolve them, between the two of you, as I mentioned, go and seek help with external, a third party that you are a moderator someone that

00:05:38--> 00:06:18

you trust someone which both of you can go give and get good advice, then go and try that go for counseling. If that does not work, then maybe try a brief separation. So maybe you need some space, you need some distance, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe you realize as much as I, as much as I dislike her as much as she as he upsets me, being away from that person, you know, is even more difficult. So when we come together, we realize, you know, I can't, I can't live without this person. So I must try to live with this person. And ultimately, it comes down to the managers, as I was mentioned in the Quran, that Islam is good, but to seek reconciliation is good and evil, once

00:06:18--> 00:06:59

genuine reconciliation, if you try very hard, and you put your mind to it, and you make that sincere Nia, Allah subhana wa tada will grant tofik, in that Allah subhanaw taala will bring about some form of reconciliation. So we try all those steps, if nonetheless, all the time, all these steps, and we still not happy and it's still not good for us this marriage, then of course, as a last resort, we then do the stock and even when we even when we've concluded that divorce is perhaps the best way forward for both of us. These a a an etiquette is a way in which we give please a way in which we divorce one another, even in, you know, swallow our Deen is about your son, your son meaning

00:06:59--> 00:07:37

perfection, that even when we do the most difficult of deeds, when we do what we would call this, you know, an action that is not very nice when we slaughter an animal or when we fight in jihad, or when we divorce our partner, we do so with a son with the utmost respect with the utmost gentleness or the utmost beauty. We that's that's the way of a believer. So if we've now got to this conclusion that it's time for divorce, how do we exit this marriage? And that's what our topic we're really discussing. How do we in the marriage? So we say there are three ways of ending a marriage number one, the husband may in the marriage via eight Pollock, he issued a statement he says something

00:07:37--> 00:08:11

right something which basically makes it very clear, I want this marriage to end. So he says I thought documenting a divorce you he says in English, I divorce you. I don't want to be married to you. Those statements are very clear. There is no second meaning to that. There's no other interpretation. It's black and white. Once a husband says those words, finished now the talaq has been passed. Now the marriage has effectively come to an end. We'll talk further about the repercussions. The second way of divorce, we see this a first with orlimar with the authority or the judge in today's time and if you're in Cape Town, for example, the Muslim Judicial Council with the

00:08:11--> 00:08:46

authority in Cape Town, you will go to them and apply for a annulment of the marriage and usually it's the sister the woman that goes for the first why why the sister because a husband is not in need of applying for a annulment you can simply in the marriage from himself himself. And we mentioned last last lecture, why this is a very big Amana upon him that he can in the marriage, the sister will usually apply for an annulment and she will make her case to the Allah and Allah will look at the facts of the case and they will decide is this marriage? Should they be an annulment? Is it in the best interest of one or two of the parties? And based on those factors they will then

00:08:46--> 00:09:25

pronounce the first and the medical end? And the very last way of ending a marriage. Very interesting one, a lady can actually approach her husband and she can say to him, Look, I'm not happy, whatever it might be. I want out of this marriage. You know, even you give me a bollock. If you don't want to give me a talaq, then I would like to pay you purchase myself out of the marriage, a hula, hula hula. And it's encouraged in this regard. If the woman is genuinely unhappy, the husband should accommodate her and he should let her go in a nice way. And perhaps she returns her daddy this appears to be from the sooner the lady will say to you look, you gave me this as a dirty

00:09:25--> 00:09:59

as a Muscovy, I return it to you. So let us go our separate ways in kindness. So let's get back to the first one that Allah we said the husband when he enters the marriage contract when they become married. He is given by the Sharia three locks is given three clocks. Maybe I like to use the analogy, three bullets imagine and what he would do is he when he exercises these bullets when he issues that a lot. He does so by saying it was you. I told you he doesn't need a reason. He doesn't need witnesses. He can do this from himself or

00:10:00--> 00:10:36

So you either makes an explicit and explicit statement meaning divorce, or if he says, an ambiguous statement. So for example, if husband says, Get lost, I'm done with you. We are finished. What did he mean? It could mean many, many things. There are many, many things we could it could mean labels in an argument. And as soon as I'm done, I'm done with us. Now, he said to the chef, the chef asked him, What did you mean? Did you mean I'm done with this marriage? I'm done with you as a wife? He says, No, no, I mean, I'm done arguing with you. You mean, that's what I mean? That's what I mean. Right? So we look and we ask the brother, when he makes a statement that's ambiguous. What was

00:10:36--> 00:11:12

unique when you say that thing? What did you mean? If he meant to in the marriage, he made a statement, we are finished now. And he meant we are finished being married together, then that counts as a divorce. Now, brothers, this is shows you the seriousness of these kinds of statements. And something we take very likely you could endure, manage through an argument which you did not mean by saying these words, remember the Sharia says that even if you did so in anger, if you did so, in jest as a joke, mockingly even if it was a moment that you didn't mean it fully, so long as you say that it counts, and your marriage could actually end. So even gives a very clear statement,

00:11:13--> 00:11:51

and he's not taking back or he gave an ambiguous statement. And then we asked him, What do you mean, if you mean by that to divorce, then the marriage and outcomes into divorce. So the man gives Pollock, number one, and when he gives that first rock, the marriage now comes through, basically, the marriage ends. Now the lady goes into what we call an EDA period, and a waiting period, meaning she cannot marry someone else. Why does she ever need that period, because of course, if a woman gets divorced today, and she gets married immediately tomorrow, and then she falls pregnant, we don't know who the father of this child is. So the Sharia has built in a waiting period between for

00:11:51--> 00:12:32

a woman between marriages, if a husband dies, the husband divorces her, she needs to wait. And the EDA is different depending on the circumstances for a pregnant woman, her it that ends the minute she gives birth. So if a husband divorces her, or he dies, when she's pregnant, the minute she gives birth, whether it is nine months, whether it is one day, the minute she gives birth, how long the waiting period is over that period is over in a normal situation, husband divorces, he talks the wife, they now have three menstrual cycles, the lady or three main says that period is cold. And if after the three menstrual cycles passes, and the husband and wife do not reconcile, then the woman

00:12:32--> 00:13:07

is now free. She may marry someone else, they are no longer husband and wife during this period, they are still husband and wife. In fact, they should still live together. Why? Because the purpose of this period also is for them to find some form of reconciliation. So they still live as husband and wife. And if they are interacting with one another every single day, but there's no intimacy between them. There is no reconciliation link. Perhaps this is a clear indication of the three menstrual cycles that is better to be separate. But if they are together in the spirit, and they finally start laughing again, they start finding happiness again, and they're intimate with one

00:13:07--> 00:13:49

another vein, this worry this will count as a vocation. The man has taken Becky's talaq. So now they continue and they are married once again. They don't have to do a new nikka. The old kneecaps that they had the original one will still be intact, but the husband now only has two blocks left he gave one to lift. If they fight again, he issues a second one same story, he either takes her back in the Edo period or he either period expires and he does not take her back or she does not come back then what is the situation now? Now as we said they no longer married they need to be separated from one another they are completely haram for one another. If they would like to get married 510 years

00:13:49--> 00:14:32

later, they may do so but with a new nikka contract. And after this new Nicolas contract, new dowry, new witnesses new everything they get married husband still only has $1 not three, he only has one. If the husband issues that talaq now they fight another time, and he issues a third talak now they are separated completely immediately. Now, they cannot even remarry, no new nikka the only way they can get married married is if she marries another man and that man divorces her and that is done now only can they remarry a new Why? Why did the Sharia do this? Well, the Sharia says look, you had three talks you use them all. You basically three strikes now maybe the only way for you to really

00:14:32--> 00:15:00

realize if you're good or bad for one another is you need to compete with someone else. Why do you need to marry someone else husband you need to see her with another man. And now you need to realize can I live with us? Do I want him I do I want her for myself. Then only can you now perhaps Now you're ready to be more mature. Also, side note you never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give three talks all at once. This is not the sooner it is

00:15:00--> 00:15:06

How long it counts but it is not of the sooner and his harem, one Pollock would have been enough.

00:15:07--> 00:15:44

Usually out of spite and anger husband will say it like three times, I give you all three talents in one, you have now ruined any chance of reconciliation. And the majority of scholars have said that the detox count as as three that all three who give it in one go, it counts as you gave all three. These are minority view. Some of the scholars have said three counts only as one. But let's not go into the gray area. Never ever give more than one block at a time because one will be sufficient. So this is where it goes with the law. Can we see the last episode husband could actually do what we call the Fredo Pollock, he could actually say to the wife, you know what, the Sharia has given me

00:15:44--> 00:16:26

these three bullets or three talks. I will give one of them to you or the wife could even stipulate in a marriage contract before they get married. I would like one of your products. So if I'd like to exit the marriage, then I have the opportunity to pass the Tulloch and the marriage within it would count or they could even give the toilet to a third person. I will give the toilet to the Imam he may pass the tala upon us. So the husband can transfer his talaq which is called the freedom talaq to another person. But it is never advisable. And as I say to the sisters, I promise you if you had the power of talaq, many of you would issue it in a moment of anger. And then you'll come to the

00:16:26--> 00:17:03

Imam saying I regret it. I made a mistake. Please what can we do find some loophole. Look in the Sharia. What does the other map say? Maybe hanafy. Say something else with a sharpie is maybe even the she has have something to say, Please find a way and now the Imam must struggle? No. So this issue of Torah is the responsibility of the husband. Don't issue it in moments of anger. The Sharia says that if you want to divorce your wife, then wait for she shouldn't be in her menses because obviously, there's no intimacy, obviously, perhaps the mood isn't so great. So don't ever issue a lock in. When she's in her menses, if between two menstrual periods, there has been a clean period.

00:17:03--> 00:17:42

If you had intercourse with her, you shouldn't divorce her in that. So basically, if a man thinks about divorcing his wife, a month and a half should really pass and then he should think about it. And then they should schedule a time and say, Look, we've waited about this, we've discussed this at length, now we feel is the best time and basically as you would arrange for any car, he wouldn't do so immediately on the spur of the moment, similarly arranged for your talaq and this is perhaps the best and most appropriate way of of doing the talaq Is it the second way of ending the marriage is something called a as a as an element we encountered as a facade. The woman would go to the

00:17:42--> 00:18:17

authority, the MDC, and she will complain about her husband, and she will list her case and say, Look, I'm unhappy in the marriage, I would like out of this marriage, husband refuses to issue me with a talaq. So please, will Emma, please separate us? Now the llama will look at her case. Now, there are certain guidelines that they would follow by and this is correct, the camera would not want to encourage divorce, it's their job to keep marriages together to keep communities together. So they will try reconciliation, they will try counseling and this period might take some time. So don't be impatient. Divorce can always happen, never rush into divorce, whether you got divorced

00:18:17--> 00:18:56

today, in six months time, leave that moment open for opportunity to reconcile. So what are the kind of things a woman can go to the MTC to complain about? Well, if he's not, if her needs in terms of maintenance, basic maintenance are not being met, then this is grounds for a plus he's not providing food or shelter or clothing that is adequate, then he's not fulfilling his rights as a husband, he's his duties as a husband. If he is physical, lack of physical intimacy, he's not satisfying her in that regard. That is her Huck, then this may also be grounds for divorce, of course, any form of abuse, any form of infidelity, any form of addiction, these kind of things would obviously be valid

00:18:56--> 00:19:37

grounds for divorce. And alama, as I said, are generally cautious about this. Because if you know, we, as a man should not intervene in your marriage, this is something for you and your husband, to resolve amongst yourself, and even your divorce. If you're unable to agree on that. It shows you that is perhaps a level of immaturity in that in that regard. The last way and we will end up with this is called the hula a very, very interesting form of divorce. This is a great Sahabi by the name of therapy. DBT. Christ is very famous for hobbies, his wife comes to the council send them and she complains. And she says Yasuda la salam, I cannot complain about sabich in terms of his Deen he's a

00:19:37--> 00:19:59

good man. He's a good Muslim, a practicing Muslim good brother, Mashallah. And I can't complain in terms of you know, his character. He's not a bad guy. But I don't want to be a a coffee after I became Muslim, which means you're perhaps I don't want to be an ungrateful woman. I don't want to be a bad woman. And and basically when I'm around it, it brings the worst out of me in being married to him.

00:20:00--> 00:20:37

I become a person I don't like, basically, I'm not happy. I don't have any valid grounds. I can't say he hates me. I can't say he doesn't support me. I can't say he doesn't. He does the basics Alhamdulillah he's a good guy, but I am not happy with him and I'm not happy being with him and the kind of person I'm with him. So please, can I exit this marriage? The prophets of Salaam says, Well, if that's what you want, then Okay, rabbit, take her garden. So the Prophet says to the lady therapy gave you a garden as your daddy, you know, it's a big thing. He gave you a big daddy, Mashallah he loved you, he gave you a big daddy, will you return that garden to him? And then go and divorce? Are

00:20:37--> 00:21:14

you willing to give up the garden to leave him? She said yes, if I'll give him gladly take back the garden. So the problem isn't sister therapy, take back your daddy take back the garden, and basically let her go. so in this situation, and wife can agree with her husband, to exit the marriage. So this is with regards to Palak in a natural divorce in a nutshell. As we said, it's not something which is easy and should not be taken on a whim, but should be thought out and discussed with people around. Consider the repercussions ultimately, as Allah says in the Quran, that you might hate something in your partner, but from it lots of good comes from the soul. Never ever give

00:21:14--> 00:21:52

talaq or go to the NGO manage on a whim spend a lot of time and think and weigh the pros and the cons, because I promise you in every marriage, the fact that you are married, there are a lot of goods, a lot of happiness and a lot of joy that you had with one another. So this is a bad patch a rough patch and if it can be fixed, fix it. But of course if there is no hope of fixing this, then also the Sharia allows each and every one of us to find happiness either with in this marriage or in some other marriage and therefore it has legislated three ways in which we could end a marriage. Before I conclude we'd like to host a course on marriage itself happily ever after inshallah we'll

00:21:52--> 00:22:11

be having a course on Islam. If you'd like to be part of that course the details will follow then please email me with [email protected] or respond to this audio to say that you she would keen to to be part of our of our marriage course. And we will do the logistics the on Zach Allah. Hi, thank you so much. I said I want to get to