Muhammad Salah – Fiqh Of Love Episode #14 The Guardian

			Salam Alaikum salam. My name is John Fontana. Welcome back to another episode of the thick of love.
We're here joined today with us by the pool I should say we have Dr. Mohamed salah. Salloway come
share why they come sit down rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh How are you doing? Alhamdulillah Good. How
are you doing now? hamdulillah Allah. It's been a very exciting few episodes Subhanallah we, in the
last episode, we were speaking about who it is permissible to marry and not permissible to marry.
Yeah, and also inventions.
		

			And the provisions Yeah, of course the Prevention's as well as you know, who you wouldn't be able to
marry. But also today, I wanted to ask you because we touched upon it towards the last part of the
last episode, which was we're speaking about the Wali, The Guardian guardian in particular. And I
wanted to ask you some of the wisdoms behind having a guardian and Smilla Rahmanir Rahim Al hamdu
lillah wa salatu salam ala Anna, we almost have our back. I think you would agree with me, as well
as the viewers will find out that by nature, women are more emotional than men. Correct? No comment?
		

			correct or no comment?
		

			So they are the sweet part. Yeah. So basically, when a man wants to get married, he is considering a
lot of things, especially in Islam, because he's the one who shoulder in all the financial
responsibility, the dowry, the house, the maintenance, support in the family, financially, and all
of that a woman is not actually required to do any of the above. So his considerations, not only
because she is pretty poor, because she is young, or because
		

			he likes her. There are many, many things that will go on in the mind of the person, before actually
taking that serious step, and proposing to her guardian, or asking for her hand. While
		

			by nature, again, if a woman sees a nice man who's speaking very sweet to her, and he's promising a
lot of things, even if they're not true, she will fall in love with him, most likely. So that's why
there comes the role of the Guardian, in order to step in, and to be free from the emotional part
that the woman is experiencing, and to do his homework, investigating, searching the background of
the person, and of the family. He's the one who's going to jump around and go to the neighborhood,
go to his work, and inquire about him find out from his own sources, about the true nature of this
person who's going to be his son in law, who's going to marry his daughter or the girl under his
		

			guardianship. It's a big responsibility. So simply, it's something it's an advantage for him. And
she doesn't have to worry about that part. It is the responsibility of the eye. It is the
responsibility of the Willie, or the guardian. You know, it's interesting, it's important that we
see in that way, that is, it's actually a privilege of a woman, you know, to have a guardian, you
know, that the Father who loves her, you know, he has more experience. He's a lot older, he's he's
experienced many more things in life. He can he can kind of weigh up who a man is just by looking at
him almost. I have a friend of mine, who owns a company and one of his employees. He hooked up with
		

			his girl with his daughter. And he showed her you know, very nice face. And he made some remarks how
much he appreciates her how much he likes her and she's the most beautiful woman on earth. And the
girl fell in love with him accordingly because he's sweet to her. Okay.
		

			The father was talking to me that I don't feel good about this guy. Is it look, Muhammad I don't
mind giving my daughter of image to somebody who's poor, but my inner thing. I feel that this guy
isn't the right person. And he's bluffing.
		

			So Subhanallah he caught him on camera stealing support. Otherwise, there was no
		

			No way to convince his daughter that this guy is after your money. So your dad's money
		

			is not after you. Okay, so this is one incident. So the guy would set aside the emotions. And also
it's not only before the wedding. Also, during the process of the wedding,
		

			a person
		

			may convince his future wife or the bride, you know, since I don't have the money now, I promise you
once I have the money, I will pay you the dowry. I will take you to Spain and I will take you to
Niagara Falls and an ad. Hey, Habibi, we need to record that writing. Who would dare to secure those
rights other than the guardian? So how much can you afford to pay now that much, and the deferred
amount, write down a check, because there's going to be a debt. Okay. And this money will go to the
bride, not to her father, nor to the husband, that will become her position. This is just one thing.
Yeah. Many other commitments, the stipulation of the conditions, which we spoke about it before,
		

			okay, whether she needs to continue her education, whether she's going to be working or not all of
that, who's going to secure those rights? If that woman fell in love with the guy, and he says
everything? Yes. Okay, no problem, whatever you want to, then after they get married, he loves her.
And everything evaporates all the conditions only Hollis use? You mentioned this a few episodes back
where you know, when someone has that true deep love, they're blinded, and they're deaf and
Bjarnason are your son. Yeah, and the man or the Guardian, you know, he can look at it from an
outside perspective, you know, he can analyze it from a logical defense, it does he does. His role
		

			is not over by handing over the bride or his daughter or his sister to the groom and say, enjoy it.
Now we did we did start to touch upon this in the last episode, but we didn't get a chance to finish
it. But sometimes,
		

			the guardian can be stubborn. Yeah. And and you know, as much as they may love their daughter, etc.
Sometimes they're over protective. And there's no one good enough for their daughter. So what can
		

			we woman during this situation, when her guardian has been over protective, and literally, they've
turned down three, or four or five proposals? Sure, this concept is all out, I'll be more than happy
to address it. But before I get into it, I'd like to bring to our attention that the role of the
Guardian is not over once he hands over the girl under his guardianship, to her husband, and that's
it, and they close the door. And so over throughout their marriage life, there are ups and downs,
especially in the first month. And the whole year, as a matter of fact, but more specifically in the
first month because two people never been together before. They may they have different habits,
		

			different practices, different traditions. So there will have lot of problems. So because the woman
is, by nature, more emotional, she may demand divorce, she may call her dad and mom say come and
pick me up, I cannot live with him. The wisdom of the Guardian, I was talking about a wise guardian,
he is going to handle the situation wisely. A foolish one, or somebody who's not responsible, will
say you don't know who is she, and Whose daughter is she. Or if it is the mother who's handling the
case, he she would ask her daughter to come home immediately or we'll go and pick her up. And they
will even be the husband and things of this nature. But we're talking about a horse, Willie, he was
		

			certain criterions with certain qualities. He's a wise man, he's grown up that's why he must be
adult. Now a child. Now somebody under the age of puberty, somebody with experience. So now to come
to your question about a lot. You're saying such sweet things about the Guardian and his
responsibilities and that's why Allah appointed him as in a charge for the family and and those who
are under his guardianship. But what if he's not up to the responsibility? And that happens a lot.
Somebody who doesn't want to give his daughter in marriage to somebody who is religious. Why because
he himself is not religious. He drinks
		

			he doesn't pray. And mashallah John is wearing beard and he's a person who prays on a regular basis.
And he goes on he proposed to his daughter says we don't have any women for marriage. Get out. Why
he didn't even consult his daughter. Why? Because he doesn't want anyone religious in the house. And
		

			That is cool. He's preventing his daughter from marrying the right person? Or who could be the right
person?
		

			Does it mean that Allah Almighty given the right to be a dictator? Of course not. No one can say
that the Almighty Allah is the most fair He's allowed. So what is it? If a person abuses his role,
he loses it.
		

			If the Guardian misuses the power of authority that Allah gave him, then he loses it, Jani. So who
gets that responsibility after the Guardians in order is the father of the woman? And if he's not
there, does she have a grandfather, then he's number two in order. Well, father and grandfather are
dead, or they're non Muslims. So the son, women who are married the son, and then their sons grew
up, and now she's a widow or divorced and she wants to get married her son can give her in marriage
as a really. So it's also always the male guardian guardian. Because what we find is the salaallah
selama says, lead to those on Maratona. EFSA Allah to those on marathon Mara, a woman should not
		

			give herself above a marriage, nor should she give another woman in marriage. See, this is this is
important because I've actually witnessed this a lot, especially in the West, where maybe the father
has passed away, or the mothers as divorced the Father. So the Guardian is not around. And then the
mother of the bride will will step in to be the guardian. Is this permissible? No, there is an order
no one can escape it even if the couple have separated, not because they're separated, the mother
will just keep the older and will give her daughter in marriage or even ask her brother who will be
the girls maternal uncle to give her in marriage know, the father is there and he fulfilled the
		

			condition. He is a Muslim wise practicing person Alhamdulillah and he is not more than some people
just say no for the sake of saying no, they want to hurt you know, because they're separated okay,
I'm not giving your daughter in marriage. She's also your daughter are you out of your mind? But you
know, stubbornness. So if the person is abusing this power of authority, it will be withdrawn from
him to be given to the next in order then the brother
		

			Okay, yeah, if we don't have any of those any of the above then we look for the judge will look for
the governor will look for the Imam of the masjid if we live in a non Muslim community so the Imam
of the Islamic center can play the role. Okay, we're just going to take a short break and I want to
revisit that point. After the break inshallah. Stay tuned, and we will be back straight after the
break.
		

			Salam Alaikum salam Welcome back to the thick of love. My name is John Fontaine and we're here with
Dr. Muhammad Salah salaam aleikum
		

			wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Sheikh, we've been discussing the role of the guardian. And also
Subhanallah, when the Guardian is we were just mentioning just before the break, because sometimes
it's quite common, especially in what I've witnessed in the West, where sometimes there's no reason
for The Guardian not to accept or even entertain a proposal. So I just want to revisit that.
		

			And as I said, What you you mentioned that, if he doesn't, you know,
		

			if he doesn't fulfill it, then it would, it doesn't show the his responsibilities, then we're
skipping to the next one older. Yeah. If there is no next and all of the whole family is messed up
that happens, you know, especially in the West, you can find things of that nature. So then you the
father says, No, and the brother says, No, and the son says, no, why? Because they don't want this
guy because he looks religious. So when you mentioned that, you'd now start to look for a judge. Or
if using the West, you look for the local Imam, maybe or someone trustworthy. This is what the, you
know, the right order of fact, says, so I'll call the Muslim, the Muslim judge. We don't have a
		

			Muslim judge. You cannot just go to the court and say, Your Honor, I want you to give me off in
marriage too. He doesn't have time for that. So if if we have in the Muslim community, the imam who
is really up to the responsibility of not just leading the prayer, and giving some talks here and
there, but also looking after the entire community, so God can go to him and say, shake
		

			or chef
		

			You know, I like this guy, but I don't know how to tell him.
		

			You know, it would be so beautiful for the men to feel that he's like a father, for the community.
So with communicate on her behalf to that person, and would also do his homework as a guardian to
investigate and look for the background of, you know, of that person to decide whether he's fit or
not.
		

			The father is running a gas station is selling liquor and beer. And anyone who comes from he doesn't
want anyone to tell him that halal and haram, you're gonna give me headache. So that's why anyone
who's good, proposes to his daughter said, no, no, no, no, and kick them out before they would even
step in. I've seen things like that. So what about the Imam? He's authoritative? He's been given
this authority. You know what I have many sisters reverts, who had been my students for a while. And
then they asked me to be the guardian. And I only have one condition. Number one, because they don't
have a Muslim family member to look after them. And one of the conditions of the guardianship is
		

			Islam. Okay. Allah says, What is Allah Allah caphyon al Mina sebelah. See this, I wanted to ask you
about this, because there's many reverse to Islam sisters, and they have like Krisztian, fathers or
atheist fathers.
		

			We said before the Guardian is supposed to look for the best interest of the girl who's under his
guardianship. So do you think that a non Muslim Guardian would like John to marry his daughter, or
to like a person who is Muslim and practicing Muslim to marry his daughter, he may or may be someone
who he was.
		

			We need a person who looked for the best interest of the girl or the woman. So I Islamic I have a
condition really, whenever some sister asked me for that, I say, when one condition I have to
function as a full guardian. So if if you find a guy whom you want to marry, and I, I try to
		

			check out his background, and I find that is not fit. Even if you like him, I would say no, not out
what because before Allah subhanaw taala, you laid a huge responsibility on my shoulders. For
instance, once one of my students wanted to marry a girl whom she got to know, online, and she said,
he's a practicing Muslim, and so on. And she's a river. So when he came to meet me, and that was in
the UK,
		

			I asked him, What does he do for a living? He said, Nothing he doesn't want.
		

			Then I asked him, why not? Do you know what kind of degree we have? He didn't even finish his high
school diploma. So how do you live, he said, my family support me. And you know how it is in the UK,
a lot of people live on welfare. And so the girl is working, the girl is learning he or she has
achieved a lot respect of reading Quran learning the DNA study in Arabic, and she's working on
supporting herself all by herself. So I said and who's going to support other?
		

			You know what he said? He said, Well, Allah will provide for us shed you said that a few episodes
about you said that it will increase your risk, right? Yeah, Allah will increase your risk. When
you're hard working, when you're serious. But when you're 3030 to 35, never taken a job in your
life. When are you going to start working? When you're enjoying the free ride, just staying at home,
you've already reached
		

			your age, supposedly, you've never taken a job. He did not wash the dishes. It did not drive a cab.
He did not work in the construction. I mean, if you're not a doctor, if you're not a dentist, if
you're my teacher, then you gotta do something else. He be a handyman, you know, when you're showing
interest in you're making an effort, Allah subhanho wa Taala will find way for you. But when you are
lazy and lousy? Well, I don't think I'll be happy to give you my daughter in marriage, because
you're not really making you get to be a liability. So I used to feed my daughter and now I have to
feed you as well. You know, you have no source of income. He never had a source of income. When are
		

			you planning talk? He said Allah will provide for us. Well,
		

			even though the statement itself is correct, Allah provides for everyone Allah, who are reserved for
the court in Mateen. But the context was not the right context. I'm asking you a legitimate
question. How are you going to provide for my daughter? This is very common in the UK where people
are living on benefits or off benefits. Should say you know, the rely in every meeting I have with
the youth whether in UK
		

			or in the countries where the live on benefits. I urge them to go out to work to continue their
education to get a degree, to desire to be doctors and engineers and lawyers and to have a career,
not just to sit back and enjoy the benefits. That is not fair shake I have,
		

			you might find this question a bit funny, but it's quite common in certain cultures where
		

			even the Son of the man would would not marry without the permission of his mother, you know, or his
father is almost like his his parents, or guardians of him as well. What would you say about this?
You know? Well, from a technical point of view, he doesn't need the consent of the guardian. Okay,
he's responsible enough. But what kind of a person who would go and propose to a girl without taking
his family with him? Without having his parents with him? He's proud to have such parents. And as I
said, before, so many times, it is not a man and woman just getting married. It's merging two
families. And, you know, if a man proposes to my daughter, is call me about himself. The first
		

			question I'm going to ask, so are Europeans living? Oh, yeah, they're cool. They're living
Alhamdulillah what are they? What I didn't tell them yet. We'll go and tell them
		

			inform them, they have right upon you, you have to share with them the decision and also share
within making the decision they get to like my daughter, they get to see her they get to help you
making the decision Subhanallah spoke about is to Shara which is you know, consulting people. So
would you consult your colleagues, your friends, your cousins, and not consult your parents now
introduce his your parents to the future in laws? That is not right. That is not right at all. Okay,
yeah. So, you know, we spoke about Subhanallah you know, the legal Prevention's, you know, also the
woman was get approval by the Guardian, what are the
		

			conditions needed for the occur?
		

			The Hijab and Kabul now we're talking about the pillars of the marriage contract, the consent of the
Guardian, the witnesses and Asia, urban Cambodia,
		

			Asia and Kabul. Asia means the proposal, you showed interest in married by saying, Would you marry
me, but in this case, if you're proposing to God, he asked her guardian, I'm interested in marrying
your daughter, The Guardian have already asked the girl and she's interested. So he is speaking on
her behalf. Yes, I will give you my daughter in marriage. Then the guy says I accept. Okay, on what
condition? Allah Sadako Musa Medina who agreed to certain dowry. Now we'll discuss the dowry in a
separate episode in sha Allah, how much more or less, you know, and the value person and the third,
but now I'm talking about so agree that will pay down. We agreed to all kind of conditions and where
		

			is she going to live? What kind of income you're making an all of that. So beforehand, you have all
of that in mind, and The Guardian have done his homework, and he informed his daughter, and she's
very happy and she's very convinced. And she says, Daddy, go ahead. So she gave him the green light
without her giving him the green light. There is no marriage contract that is called Cobbold. So
each app is the proposal code is agreement or the acceptance. Okay. So you know, the Prophet
sallallahu sallam said,
		

			What is Noah have so much to her? You know, goals are, by nature, the shy and talking about Muslim
girls. You know, maybe there are non Muslim girls who are shy as well, but I'm talking about in
Islam and Muslim girl should feel shy. Okay. So, when the father asked her, somebody is asking for
your hand, I checked out his background, and oh, she already knows him. So she lowers her head. Not
saying anything is a sign of consent.
		

			But if she's not interested, No, Daddy, no way. I don't like him. I don't want to marry that guy. Or
you will be the last person in the house. It's over. But you would not give your daughter in
marriage or a girl who's under your guardianship in marriage without her consent. So the purpose of
the Arkadin IRAP uncouple proposal and acceptance from the girl is from the goal. So
		

			I'm sorry, there's no forced marriage in this. This is a misconception that is often not promoted
when we when we process a marriage contract. So who is certain with the groom? The God
		

			Yeah.
		

			And he says, Yeah, my daughter says yes, we'll go and check and ask her. She shows her ID and yes,
I'm interested in marrying him.
		

			Okay, yeah. Or she's quite she doesn't say anything because she's thought she's shy as a prophet
Salalah selama said what is no household motto have been quiet is a sign of a proven, but to give
her a marriage without her consent or without her knowledge or any of that whether to your cousin or
somebody whom you think he is the best of the best? No, that is not permissible. Jesus Akashic
that's all that's all we have time for today. And hopefully inshallah next episode we can pick up
where we left off, and carry on speaking about these details in sha Allah, Allah bless you. So for
those of you who are home we asked you to keep following the series. I hope you enjoyed it the thick
		

			of love. Join us next time for another episode As salam Alaikum Allah Heba Katha