Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari – Marriage – Deen Vs Culture Part 8

			extravagance in expenditure make it simple simple marriages here and spend like 1000 pump. You know
we we can't get married because you don't have money married you don't you don't need a penny to
marry. You could have 50 pence and you could marry 60 You don't need to think of you know the other
machine in the books to discuss it. They said you know what? The man needs to have Mahara and used
to have enough money to provide his wife for the first month. That's it.
		

			If you've got that much just save up like you're gonna get a house and have a few 100 pounds for one
then you are no problem. I'll get money as they come on, come along. I don't have to, you know, buy
my own property. Like once this brother from you know, Syria used to be a young brother good
brothers who used to be at the grocery shop. I used to visit him used to be so distressed he was in
his late 20s or something he really wanted to marry he said you know, you know any like sisters from
the West England or somewhere you know, it's just his a Palestinian brother living in Syria. So I
said why not very easy, so difficult until I don't have three keys. Nobody Nobody will give me the
		

			daughter key to a car key to a business and key to a home.
		

			It's it's a problem. You see in the Arab world. This is a problem. extravagance, excessive amounts
of money in the Arab world. As an Arab culture, it's a disease. It's a disease you have to give
10 $15,000 man
		

			it's you know the messenger signal Rama Rama Huckabee said Allah Allah toho socata Nisa be aware Do
not be extravagant in the marriage dowry of the women find nanocone and ma chromatin and Allahu
chromatin and the nurse will taqwa and the law if this was something noble to give large amounts of
dowry, and it was good according to a law that law can owner come behind a bucum sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would have given the most amount as Mara and
dowry but he never gave it
		

			extravagance and Mara cultural thing. That's a condition remove it. And in some cultures, I know
some Bengali communities, Bangladesh communities, the woman has to give dowry to them to the man's
family. That's that's considered to be a ritual and bribe anything extra. This is a card This is a
ruling.
		

			I think in all schools but definitely the Hanafi school. Anything that is demanded over and above
the Dow it is absolutely haram and is considered to be bribery. They give it the name arratia Rashi,
will Murata shakila Houma phenol, the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, The Giver
or the take of the bride both on the firewall, this is anything over the dowry, whether the man
demanding from the wife or the wife's family or the wife demanding presence or anything, anything
over the mother.
		

			Once the mother is fixed, this is the dowry and he demands from any side extra. It's considered to
be bribery. Anything expected or demanded? Somebody wants you can give? No probably you can give
gifts. As long as they are not demanded. They can't be part and parcel. They can't be made
conditional. Of course, you should give gifts you know that the gift gifts, but gifts are gifts. You
know, they're not demanded demand. And that's not a gift that's like pig that's bribe
		

			sometimes happens or why somebody like the husband's family demands a case know of brother, he said,
You know, this sort of Bangladeshi community says, you know, I'm getting married to this really
rich, and I'm gonna get a really nice call from my father. As you know, that's, you know, I'm going
for that system. Because, you know, really rich family. I said, Why is he giving us air in our
culture, you know, the father in law makes sure it gives you all this nice.
		

			You know, it's a cultural thing, you know, wants to give a give, but it should be demanded.
		

			So, we have all these cultural things in different areas, you know, Maha Maha Fatima, son of the
messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
		

			This is a matter of Fatima, which is cold. So, we need to be very careful about this point, make
marriages simple, easy, really simple, as easy and simple as possible. Parents make it easy for
children. And you know, okay, another point, time is very short. Another point to have so many
points, but I'm not going to go I'm just going to quickly another point about
		

			culture marriage, forced marriages, arranged marriages. I have you know, in this marriage series,
I've got a whole discussion on on forced marriages and arranged marriages.
		

			islamically there is no place for forced marriages. Absolutely.
		

			That's it again, it's cultural.
		

			It's cultural. You know, pick up any Heidi's book, you'll find Hades clear headed in Sahih Bukhari
Sahih. Muslim, and all the books from the shelf a Maliki Hammadi Hanafi schools. You'll find the
word e Jabbar the messenger sort of love
		

			And the crew to not have enough see her.
		

			A non married woman she'll be asked about herself. She'll be consulted, you have to ask a woman
whether she wants to marry or not. She has to give her consent and approval saying that further gel
was early. The messenger. Salahuddin says if she refuses then you have no say over. You can't force
anyone to marry it's absolutely haram it's oppression parents, you know, there are different ways
and I mean I come across so many situations like this, you know, blackmailing them emotional
blackmail and the mother said, I'm going to kill myself You don't get married to my you know, dad's
my brother's daughter or my sisters is a haram activities, cultural things. I know so many sisters
		

			who you know from especially in the Pakistani background, where they've been taken to blow horn and
Punjab and shower or wherever passports confiscated and they've been tortured, forced into marrying.
And their brothers also take part in this force in some like this one sister remember three four
years ago? I mean, I thought okay, the parents are backward maybe they don't understand the
culturally oriented but the brother was like somebody who's got a degree in law or something in
university educated of UK and he gave her the sister a blue and a black eye because she was saying
no to get married to cousin brother in Pakistan.
		

			Or all the will I mean, how can you even do that? It's called no place in Islam forced marriages.
Absolutely, categorically totally Hara and then non Muslim Zilla we should blame ourselves you know
what I mean the nonsense the media they have Sherif blame as well i mean you know they're very
clever
		

			anything any Muslims do that it will be a Muslim doing it
		

			and Muslim man by the name of this did this Yeah. And if some guy called Paul does it don't say a
Christian man but you know Paul did that you know it's just a guy in England British guy doing it
but for Muslims I'll use the word Islam
		

			but we have to take the blame as well. There is no placed place for forced marriages in Islam no
place where there's difference between arranged and force
		

			we need to explain to these non Muslims as well there's a difference between arranged arranged is
different forced is different arranged marriages are not not forced marriages arranges it's actually
good right. arranged marriages are good you know arrange means you have to arrange beforehand you
can't just you know, just learn the mode you have to arrange arrange means actually better arrange
means that you your family do the investigation research you know
		

			you know, people say love marriages arranged marriage, I tell you something, I have come across more
cases of love marriages that brought that have broken down and less arrangement because you know,
love marriages or not love marriages or less marriages.
		

			What what are they? That's my you know, when you're young, you cannot be in love in Potsie but
		

			before marriage. So don't even imagine there's a hadith alum Tara mithila lanterra missing economy
with the exact words of the messenger so I love it. I love lamb Tara would have been in this Lineker
marriage, you know, that marriage, that's the love that is created by marriage, you won't see that
anyway, before marriage is not it's not loved. It's impossible. It's just lust. You know, young
people, you know, they, you know, he must have said to someone, you know, what I'm going to give my
life for you can't spend the rest of my life and then after three years, you think you're mad person
is insane. That is move on. People go through those phases. They've said there was only so many
		

			times
		

			I spend the rest of my life with you. And then after about three, four years, they think, how can I
say that when I was young,
		

			you shouldn't be doing Oh, by the way, but um, it's just a phase you're going through. So love
marriages. I've come across, you know, I know like one couple that were really wanted to get married
and they would die like the brother and sister would say, I can't even envisage life without you
know, I die. One day without him. I'll die. After about one year marriage, that sister got married,
she did not even want to see his face ever in his life. That's how she hated what happened in one
year. What happened? So there's no love, love versus no love stuff. arranged marriages are good or
any means like, you know, in love marriages, you're the only one looking at the brother or the
		

			potential spouse or the sister. It's only you deciding your mind is clouded anyway. You can't see
the true picture. Whereas in arranged marriages, your sister, your brother, your father, your
mother, everyone's got investigated everything. And also there's new people, new people looking at
something as much better than one person looking. But yes, ultimately, you have the final say, you
can't be forced. They say is good. Or this brothers good. The system is good. You make this
decision. Now. You think about a used car and you make the final decision.