Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari – Causes & Solutions to Marriage-Family Problems

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
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The conversation covers various topics related to Islam, including financial, social behavior, and personal and professional life. The title of the Quran is limited and does not include detailed information. Social topics include family ties, health, privacy, and relationships. The importance of good manners, character, and relationships is emphasized. The speakers emphasize privacy and privacy laws in the healthcare industry and emphasize the need for a better user experience. They also mention the potential for privacy legislation to affect privacy for patients and caregivers, and the need for a better understanding of how patients are treated in the future.

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			Manual him
		
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			Hungary law number two who would have started you don't want to stop at all in a study.
		
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			When I was a builder he died. I mean surely and fusina women say Dr. Medina, Mejia the level for
that model Allahumma yo girl for the hottie Allah
		
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			a shadow Allah era Illa who the whole Russia Sharika what a shadow Anessa you don't know Habibollah
walsworth on our eternal Mohammed and Abu Rosu Allahumma Sunday wa sallim wa barik ala Sayyidina
Muhammad wa early here Toyota hitting was hard to hear Marian Nuada coolamon Toby our home via sun
in Edo Medina Allahumma alumna and former owner when the firm ABI Marlin tuna Was it an Ironman
Ramadan era but I mean, well
		
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			respected Brothers and Sisters in Islam Salam or aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh
		
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			first of all, it's an honor
		
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			and it's a privilege for me to be here in your midst today. Alhamdulillah we praise and we thank
Allah subhanho wa Taala I would like to thank the organizers of today's lecture,
		
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			the Russia the Foundation who invited me as well as the masjid here and the Imam and the committee
members for facilitating this program and all of you for attending and taking out your very precious
time on a Saturday evening. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to say that which is
beneficial for myself for you and put it into practice and bring about some good understanding of
deen and that we implemented in our life. Amin
		
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			topic we have today
		
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			marital and family disputes, causes and solutions.
		
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			I have a few points that I want to cover four or five points.
		
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			I will talk about the causes in about five points. And then we shall each point mentioned the
solution.
		
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			Our Deen Islam, that Allah Allah subhana Medina has blessed us with it's a way of life. It's not
just a religion. It's a complete way of life. It's a unique way of life that has teachings,
guidelines, rules, advices injunctions to do with every aspect of our life. From the moment we wake
up till the moment we go to sleep, every point of our life, there is Islam, there are Islamic
guidelines, there are Islamic rules. Islam is not just about a few forms or modes of worship. We
call it riba that in some other faiths, you might have that certain celebrations, certain rituals,
certain times of the year, when you go to the place of worship, and you spiritually sort of meditate
		
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			and that's about it. Whereas in Islam, it's a comprehensive way of life. The teachings of the Quran
and Sunnah deal with every aspect of our life. So we have a burden which is worshiping Allah
subhanho wa Taala worship is just one category, prayer, fasting, zakat, Hajj, Umrah,
		
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			these are all herbal rules or these are all issues relating to worship a Buddha riba that that's
just one branch of Islam. And then we have another branch of Islam, which is known as marmelade.
Bill, business and financial transactions. That's a branch on its own. Islamic laws and guidelines
deal with a lot with how a Muslim acquires his or her wealth, inheritance laws, financial laws, many
books and books have been written the Quran and Sunnah are filled with verses, you know, the longest
verse in the Quran if you ask some of the scholars here, which is the longest verse in the Quran.
What does that longest verse talk about? Does the longest verse in the Quran talk about how to
		
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			perform hajj, how to do Amara, how to pray Salah how to give the gut how to fast, how to eat slower
and Iftar Who is it about charity, the longest verse in the Quran
		
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			Use with credit transactions. The Quran says yeah you're Latina Manu either to the young tongue bdn
Illa, urgently Musa malefic taboo or you will believe when you take a loan write it down while
lactobionic compatible Bill other Allah goes into extreme detail of how to do a small credit
transaction, who should be the scribe? Who should write it down? When will you take this money? When
will you pay it back? All the details are mentioned when it comes to worship. The Quran is very
limited.
		
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			The five time prayers have just about been mentioned in the Quran. Just the names there are no
details of there's no way in the Quran the mention of Toorak artificial, we offered three Ricard
Muslim nowhere in the Quran Allah says thorough thorough Cardinal mothering, there's no way three
number for mothering has not been mentioned in the Quran. Likewise the rules of fasting Quran is
very limited, Hajj and Zakat and Amara the Quran is very limited. Now when it comes to the second
category muamalat
		
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			financial transactions
		
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			and also the third category, which is more Arusha and that's our topic today Marsha. Marsha means
social etiquette, social laws, social rules, social guidelines. Human being is a social animal, we
all live with one another. There are detailed the Quran goes into details in terms of how to live
with one another, how to live with one another, as family members as husband and wives or spouses,
as family members as relatives as cousins as human beings, Muslims, non Muslims. There are detailed
laws in the Quran that talk about the this category of martial law. And then we have another
category which is this theater called law which means the laws relating to the heart. So Islam is a
		
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			comprehensive way of life. We learn about a Baghdad we have to be a complete Muslim. We can't just
be a partial Muslim. We can't be a quarter or a half time Muslim. We have to be a complete Muslim.
		
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			The Quran says yeah, you're Latina. Amanu the Hulu facili me cough Oh you who believe enter into
Islam completely, totally fully, comprehensively. Allah sent to the people of the blue Israel in a
totally new in a river of dedicated water Karuna. Viva org. Do you take parts of the book and
discard other parts? Do you take some portions of the Quran of the book of Allah and if other parts
enter into Islam completely act upon the laws of Ibaadat also act upon the laws of morality and
financial transactions. You can't just be a Muslim just praying. You can't be a Muslim just fasting.
Muslim is not just someone who restricts the Islam to just Hajj zakat on raw fasting. A Muslim has
		
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			to be a comprehensive Muslim, the way he or she acquires his wealth has to be and must be inlined in
line with Islamic guidelines. Otherwise, the wealth income is unlawful, It's haram and there is no
reward in any charity and the whole lifestyle becomes a lawful. Likewise, we have the third category
which is more Asha, social news, social advocates, numerous ayat and a hadith of the Quran that
talks about great emphasis on social cohesion, great emphasis on family ties, kinship, known as Sen
Rahim maintaining ties the word in Arabic is right you know you've heard of the word Rama. Rahim is
also known as the womb the womb of the mother in Arabic is Rahim Salah to Rahim maintaining ties,
		
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			especially between family members because these family members are connected to one wound. And the
opposite of that is Katya to Rahim which is breaking of ties cutting of ties. The messenger
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in a hadith he said I had horrible Jana Ducati Rahim. The one who breaks
ties are they're the one who breaks ties shall not enter paradise. Now. Yeah, Judah Docomo who focus
on Earth. This is a Hadith sound in Sahih al Bukhari who none of you should leave talking to your
brother or sister you can add more than three days from an hedgerow HuFa Salah Informatica dakara na
whoever deserves their fellow brother more than three days and they die in that state shall enter
		
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			Hellfire May Allah protect us, and I'm sure mashallah here I'm in Trinidad. I don't think you need
this topic because I have been here for just one first time and this is the first time I've ever
come to Trinidad. I've been to Barbados before but first time here, and I've spent just one day I
came last night I'm here one day and another two more days and I have to go in one day I've seen
mashallah generally people are very good in their manners and HELOC and character so I don't really
think you need all of this. This is all we in the UK need because people's you know, moral ethics
sometimes or not.
		
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			In light to inline with Islamic guidelines, but generally, you know, people seem very good here. So
I'm sure this is just a reminder. I'm sure all the Muslim brothers and sisters are practicing this.
So it's just a reminder, the Quran says we're the kill for in the Quran, meaning remind because
reminding benefits the believers. So the Quran talks about this, the definition of say, Ooh, the
Quran says Farsi own the sinners. Who are those Yakata guna Muhammad Allah who be a user, they break
that which Allah has told and commanded to maintain, maintaining of ties, having good relationships,
healthy relationships. This is the category of Maharaja the there's a hadith where the messenger
		
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			sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is giving a definition of a believer who is a Muslim, who is a movement.
He said, Well, there's two Hadith there's many Hadees but these two have just come into mind. One,
he says, a Muslim in another one, he talks about movement. There's two terms. There's a technical
difference Muslim men, but that's for the students. But both terms if you take the Muslim term, he
said who is a Muslim, a Muslim woman Salema and Muslim Munna militia and Eva de Muslim is the one
from whose hands and from whose tongue, others are safe. And when it comes to men, he said who is
the movement? A minimal effort on well, I'll hire a female, Allah you will have a movement is
		
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			someone who is an abode of love. Someone who is a utensil, a fountain of love. Someone when you look
at that person, you love that person and that person loves you. And McMinnville lafortune. He said
it's a it's a place a movement is from whom love pours out. What a hero of human you will love. This
is an anonymous note of Imam Muhammad. There is no good in the one who does not love others. And
because of that, others don't love him or her. Normally when you do when we don't have others and
others won't like us, and there's numerous numerous texts. There's a hadith in Sahih Muslim where
their messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that
		
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			Allah subhanho wa Taala created
		
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			the creation when he was creating the creation He created many things of the creation and then he
created this Rahim this tie itself now what was the form of it? Allah knows best that this is a
sound sahih Hadith in Sahih Muslim in Allah Tala halacha hulp and he created the creation Harta
either forever Minho Ahmed al Rahim when he completed creating the creation the Rahim Rahim means
the time itself you know the family time or the time itself. Allah gave it a phone. It stood up and
spoke to Allah. And he said, Oh Allah you've created me her MA Kamala easy becoming a Katya.
		
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			I want to take your refuge This is a place now that I want to take your refuge from anyone violating
me. So Allah spoke to the Thai and said okay, go ahead what you want to say. So the Thai itself said
that
		
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			Allah said to the Thai that yes, granted,
		
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			whoever will maintain you, I will maintain that person who whoever will not maintain you will break
you. I will cut that person up that woman Pathak assume and masala ko Octoman PATA Ark.
		
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			So there's numerous texts in the Quran and Sunnah that talk about this the you know, one of the
verses that when people get married, the Imam when you resize the hotbar what type of Allah Allah de
Luna be he will or hum fear Allah from breaking ties. That's why the reminder is at the time of Nica
is at the time of marriage, we're talking Allahu Allah de Luna Obi Wan Erhan. Well, autohelm is
related to what Takala fear Allah from breaking ties. So we know this this is very important. It's
an extremely important part of our deen Ibadat is one category one chapter fasting praying that God
has Onra dressing like a Muslim hijab niqab covering all of that is a quarter of Islam if somebody
		
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			prays fast the curd how's your camera vichara the speed is too far to emulate the hijab and niqab
hijab and address everything but is neglectful in how they earn money and how they deal with others
and how they clap and more ambulate and, and how they transaction and how they dealings and how
their social interaction is with others. If they neglect that, then that person is a quarter Muslim
just one quarter because they've only acted upon the Ibadat a quarter of Islam. And Allah tells us
enter into Islam fully with holo filmmaker for a great deal of importance given on ensuring that we
live a life where nobody is harmed from us no human being no animal No Nobody. But of course there
		
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			are times where it will happen but what we should straightaway seek forgiveness but generally, a
Muslim is someone who does not get involved in disputes, whether it's marital disputes, especially
starts at home because Charity begins at home. Sometimes we are very well mannered, very good
mannered when we are in the home
		
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			public, but at home we are not. There's two reasons for that. One of the reasons is that because
outside it's a bit of a show, so when you come to the masjid hamdulillah salaam aleikum wa
rahmatullah smile good. Everyone at home, there's no one to show off to. You've lived with your wife
or your husband for 20 years, they know the ins and outs of our life. So then there's no one to show
off to outside, there's a bit of show. And number two, the second reason why we're good outside or
not at home, is because the challenge is greater at home. The person we meet at the masjid, we meet
him for 10 minutes. The colleague at the workplace, we spent five hours with him, but people at home
		
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			we are living with him 24 hours 24/7 We live in the same house. You know, things are difficult
people do things say things when feelings are hurt, so great to test, it's a greater challenge. And
the greater the challenge, the greater the reward, the greater the thought the greater the reward
from Allah, Allah subhanaw taala for some people, and also, you know, this good character, Imam Al
Ghazali Rahim Allah, He says good character is actually acquired, you are born with it, or you you
acquire it. He says, some people are just born with it. Some people are just generally like the
people of Trinidad, they are just generally calm, you know, they're cool. They're just born with it.
		
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			Your challenge is small. For some people, they are born with anger, they are born with bad luck with
bad character. The challenge now, that's not an excuse, because Allah gives everyone different
challenges. Someone has the challenge of anger, but they may not have a challenge of something else,
greed, somebody has a challenge, that they are very calm, they will never get angry. So it's easy
for them to save themselves from the sin of rage and anger. But they might have some other sexual
lustful desires extremely high. That is very difficult for them. The challenge is great for them to
stay away from illicit relationships, someone who may have the great challenge of illicit
		
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			relationships that maybe, you know, come in the anger departments, everybody has different
challenges, Allah has given everyone different challenges. So some people are generally born with a
good character, their challenges small, but they have other challenges. But this is a definite test
and challenge, ensuring that we live a life where we are not harming anybody. There are many reasons
and causes and I will mention these points. Now that was just a small introduction, in terms of what
causes the solution, what causes some of the problems, we find marital problems, family problems,
disputes, conflict. Okay? There's a few I'll sum these up. Number one, one of the reasons and this I
		
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			was mentioning earlier today, that
		
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			in every faith,
		
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			in every faith, in every community, in every religion,
		
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			in every religion,
		
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			they encourage people to have good manners, good character, everyone in the world you speak to a
Muslim and non Muslim or Hindu or a Christian or a Jew or an atheist, it's agreed upon accepted
		
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			fact of the world. Be well mannered Ladies and gentle men. Be nice, be gentle, be kind be
considered, be hospitable, be courteous, be cordial, be good towards people. This is generally
accepted in the world. But there's a difference between
		
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			Islam, the teachings of Islam and the teachings and understandings of all the other communities in
rest of the world in all the communities and all the religions in all the faiths. You are good to
others for their sake, you want to be good to the public, you want to be good to someone next to you
want to be good to just human beings, kind to animals, because you want to be nice to them in Islam.
The difference is that the first and foremost consideration in Islam is we are supposed to show good
character good manners and have good relations and good relationships with others. Not even for the
sake of others. That's the difference. It is for the sake of Allah subhana wa Tada. It's for the
		
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			pleasure of Allah. This is what we call a loss. This is what we call sincerity. This is a big
difference. When I am good to my parents. Yes, I want my parents to be happy. But that's secondary.
The first objective the first reason my first Luxardo amo goal. Oh, my first intention. My first aim
is I want to please my God. My Lord has said Rob Booker Darboux year who have been validating Asana,
Teach your parents honorably. When I am good to my children, don't be good to your children because
you want to be good to them now so then they treat you well when you're old age. You know I saw a
sticker once on it on a on a car they said treat your children well because they will be the ones
		
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			who choose your old age resting
		
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			homezone your old, some people say let's look after the now they will look after us in old age,
completely an Islamic understanding. So the first cause of family disputes is we do it for the wrong
reason our intentions are wrong. Our intentions are worldly, whether they will reciprocate. If we
are good to others, they'll be good to us or you want to make them happy or it's for some worldly
aim and goal. Also people think we're very, you know, gentle people, good people, or I have good to
my wife so that my wife cooks nice fish and biryani for me. Well, I am good to my husband so that he
buys me all the gifts. The intention is wrong. The solution is we must correct our intention. This
		
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			is the first hadith of most Hadith books in normal Armando Binya actions are by the intentions.
		
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			We have to ensure our relationships are good for the sake of Allah, Allah subhanaw taala, not even
for the person that we are being good to. It's not even for that person. It's got nothing to do with
others. It's solely for the pleasure of Allah. This is the reason why we have many problems. Because
what happens when we are good to others, we expect things in return. We expect we demand it or we
expect it. We call people for food. I call this person for my walima he has to call me from his
walima. When we look at who we need to call there, those people we have to call them if you don't
call them they'll take it bad. The moment you do something where you think people will take it bad.
		
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			All the rewards are gone out of the window. There's no There's no reward, doing things so that
people will say, you didn't even go to visit. We go to a Janaza funeral prayer, not because to show
people
		
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			it's because a great act of rebirth. Imam Ahmed been humbled of the Allahu Anhu one of the great
Imams of this ummah. Once there was a great scholar of his time, Bishop haffi, a great pious
individual who passed away in Bogota in Iraq.
		
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			The whole world was going for his Janaza prayer, one of the greatest shakes of the time. People are
traveling from places coming to offer and attend the Janaza prayer. So the Imams students said to
him, share janazah today remember? He said No, actually,
		
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			I don't feel like going. He got a shock. The whole world is traveling here and you are not going on
your everyone's going to wait for you you will be the main person that
		
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			he said actually, I'm trying my best. I'm trying my best. But I can't make my Nia I can't I'm just
the NIA keeps on coming that people will if I don't go people will say if I go there the intention
is not becoming it's not becoming sincere people will say Imam Muhammad went I saw Mr. Muhammad at
the funeral another great Imam Muhammad was there. He also attended He also attended I'm trying for
the past hour I'm struggling with my enough's with my soul. I'm trying for the past hour that all I
just want to go for your sake for Allah sake. But it's still not happening until I don't get to the
level I'm not gonna go. He was working for an hour on his intention. Everything we do in this world,
		
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			nobody should know you give with your right hand your left hand should a note and the Hadith.
		
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			We give in charity, nobody should know between us and Allah subhanaw taala we are good to our
parents. It's for the sake of Allah, Allah will reward us. We give somebody a gift, the Hadith of
the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he says
		
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			the hurdle,
		
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			the hurdle, the Habu exchange gifts. Give your mother a gift. Give your father a gift. give your
brother a gift. Give your husband a gift. Give your wife some flowers, give gifts to have boo you
will increase in love. But this is when the gift is for the sake of Allah. Not because they will say
thanks to us.
		
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			One of the Golden principles of being happy in this world. There's many principles. That's another
topic, we can look at steps to being internally happy. That's another topic on its own. There's lots
like 10 different reasons. But one of those 10 things is not to expect anything from anyone in this
world. If you if if we make this a principle of our life, I don't expect anything from anyone. If I
do something good to someone I go and give a gift. I don't even expect they will say thank you or
joke a lot even smile if they smile. Wow bonus. I wasn't expecting this smile. Oh, he said thank
you. Hello. That's bonus extra. I wasn't expecting it. If we don't expect anything from anyone. We
		
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			will never be disappointed. Cut off all expectations from the creation. build connections with
expecting
		
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			shins with the Creator. There's a hadith the messenger sallallahu alayhi salam used to make dua,
Allah Humala, Gylfi Calbee, Raja
		
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			Allahumma Jiang Calbee. Raja waka Raja Armand seawork. O Allah cut off in my heart all expectations
with people besides you and make all my expectations with you it geography Columbia Roger, all our
expectations should should be with Allah with Allah subhanho wa Taala if we lower our expectations
we cut off our expectations we don't expect anything in return. We don't expect the mother in law to
be good. We don't expect the daughter in law to come and cook 20 dishes a biryani if she does a
Hamdulillah I wasn't expecting this wow, you cooked you will be happy if she didn't cook. That's
normal. I don't expect it anyway.
		
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			If we live a life like that, most of our problems will be solved because our intention is to be good
for the sake of Allah not because we will get something in return I speak to so many times you know
some couples the wives calling I you know we have some problems in our marriage. I do this I do this
I do this I do this I do this. But you know he's not doing I said you do this you do this do it for
Allah forget him.
		
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			Likewise a husband Oh man, I take this and I give her this but look at her she's not I said all this
all your life you were just doing it for her you have no reward. Of course you can avoid an
oppression on Goldman there's situations doesn't mean you know if someone's abusing you, you take
the abuse, but small small things if your spouse your husband, your wife is not giving you in return
then don't worry all the rewards are in the orchestra to the point that by some of the rewards all
of this you will get an AKA when we go in the arcade I will probably think that I wished my husband
or wife did not do anything for me by seeing the rewards. Because it's this is marriage is not a
		
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			transaction. It's not a deal. You scratch my back I scratch your back. You give me one biryani I
give you one Hadiya one gift you do this, I do this. It's not a transaction. Parents and children is
not a transaction.
		
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			If you give me money, Dad, I'll bring you some tea. If you do this, then I'll do this. It's not a
transaction. It's actually in the Hadith. There's a famous Hadith the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam said Lacell was you know Bill McAfee Wallah Kindle was an alert either cootie Arthur Rahim
who was ALLAH famous Hadith. The real maintainer of ties is not the one who lays on Watson. Bill
McAfee. McAfee means the one who reciprocates, if someone's good to me, and I am good to that
person, no big deal. That's not the real maintain of ties Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is
saying the one who gives back to someone who was good if you're good to someone who was good to you,
		
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			then you have there is no big deal. This is not similar to Rahim. He said Allah Kinal Watson, Allah
the either who try to remove who was Allah, the Real maintain of ties, the one who maintain ties is
the one when others cut him off. He maintains the ties for the sake of Allah because being good to
someone who's good to us, that's normal. If we weren't even doing that, then we wouldn't even be
human beings. So that's no big deal. If someone's good to me, and I am good to them. That's okay.
That's normal average, no big deal. You haven't done anything yet. The real challenge is when
someone doesn't talk to you, you still smile at them. This was the practice of the messenger
		
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			sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, numerous Hadith. He said, you know, to the Companions, forgive the one
who Salama co oppresses you talk to someone who doesn't talk to you smile at others who don't who
don't smile at you. And generally when we are good people the other party will always feel guilty
and they'll give in in always feel guilty and given we should always be nice, be gentle for the sake
of Allah subhanaw taala we do our duty in a nice way. Sometimes we do it but in a like a sarcastic
way. You know, I'm doing it. Okay. Okay, let's see, no with a loss when sincerity for the sake of
Allah subhanaw taala. We fulfill our right if it's a husband, wife issue, forget about as a husband,
		
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			forget about my rights.
		
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			What are my wife's rights? What are my responsibilities? And what are my wife's rights? Forget what
she has to do for me, what do I have to do for her? And if it's a wife, forget what my husband has
to do for me, what do I have to do? If we live in this world where every person just learns about
their responsibilities, concentrates on the responsibilities what they have to do for others, and
forgets what others have to do for them? If everyone does that the whole world would be a better
place today.
		
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			So this is the attitude loss and sincerity. So the first point because we have these marital
disputes or family disputes is because the intention is not clean. The intention is not sincere. The
need inside the heart. It's for ulterior motive. It's what
		
00:30:00 --> 00:30:30
			A worldly gain is for a worldly reason. It's for showing off. Sometimes it's for some other
objective of the world. The solution to that is maintained ties, whether it's with family members,
with parents, with children, with spouses, with husband, with wife, with brothers, with sisters,
siblings, relatives, cousins, fellow human beings, Muslims, non Muslims only and solely for the
pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala this is what we call the flowers. The Quran says well, not only
really Abdullah meclizine Allah Who did
		
00:30:31 --> 00:30:47
			that we have been ordered to make our religions and sia when we are sincere, not just Salah sincere,
but even our relationships our dealings have to be sincere for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala
number two, the second reason or
		
00:30:49 --> 00:30:54
			reason or cause for many of our disputes is that
		
00:30:55 --> 00:31:36
			we have this attitude of being and this is a human being nature, this is a human nature that human
nature is human being has been created as a very, very selfish being. We are the extended family of
the animals and I'm not talking about I don't believe in evolution by the way I just said that
extended family but we share some things with the animals we do we do share. That's why sometimes
when the way some human beings act, we get to the animal level. If you've been and I'm sure you see
a lot of animals here, you know if you go to a pond where you have ducks or some animals, take a
bread and just throw it you know to some ducks or some animals or some birds, throw some Chowpatty
		
00:31:36 --> 00:32:10
			roti, as you call it or some bread. Have you seen the animals fighting? They fight literally Animals
Fight. We say look at these greedy animals. You know, there's a big swan. I took my you know,
family. And I was telling us a look. You know, I have a son and a daughter. I said to them, you
know, because the Son Son is five years old and daughter's two years old. Sometimes it's a bit you
know, nasty and being selfish. And you know, he's always they're not sharings. So I took them to the
zoo place and I saw a small farm place. And there were two goats. There was a big goat and a small
goat brother and sister. And we were throwing some two patties and the big one was not letting the
		
00:32:10 --> 00:32:36
			small one eat every time comes. drives the other one away. I said, Look, this is what you do. That's
you. And that's her. A key if you be selfish, do you want to be a goat? Because Oh, this is so bad
ego disease. You're not letting the small says to eat us and no selfish every time since that day
came home. When he grabs the packet of crisps. Are you the goat selfish? Oh, no, no, I'm not. I'm
not here. Here. He gives it to the sister. I always remind him Don't be the goat.
		
00:32:37 --> 00:32:56
			This is a human animal characteristics. Sometimes some animals are more human than human beings. And
sometimes some humans are more animal than animals. These animalistic traits. We laugh at animals
sometimes. But you know what the only reason sometimes we don't do that because we have law and
order.
		
00:32:57 --> 00:33:35
			And we have a bit of wealth and law and order. You know if if suddenly a coup takes place or
something takes place, I've seen people what they do, they loot and they just kill human beings used
to eat each other animals eat each other. We human beings would start eating each other. They would
do if there's poverty, we lose everything. Literally human beings will be eating each other. They
wouldn't be doing that we've just become a bit civilized. That's why when when law and order goes.
There's no police. There's no law and order than human beings. They're each other's throats we kill
each other. We don't care about anyone. This is the human nature which we share with animals, being
		
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			selfish, being self centered. Islam came to eradicate this human this this nature of the human
being. This is a spiritual disease of being selfish. This is why Islam says teach your children from
a young age when they are young, instill deep into the hearts of the children. The quality which is
opposite of this being selfish is the cause of problems. The opposite of that is what we call in the
Quranic language, ethos or ethos or is being being what
		
00:34:12 --> 00:34:55
			selfless selfishness and selflessness being selfless. giving priority to others. The definition of
selflessness and ethos is sacrificing your own interest going through a bit of hardship yourself for
the sake of others. The Quran says about the Sahaba Radi Allahu Anhu will you Luna either unfussy
him while O'Connor be him Kasasa they give preference to others even if they have to remain hungry
this ayah was revealed. After you may know the story that once a guest came to Madina Munawwara the
message to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said
who will entertain this guest a unsightly Sahabi stood up and he said oh no ya rasool Allah mio
		
00:34:55 --> 00:34:59
			messenger of Allah. He didn't even ask his wife he just went you know, normally you should
		
00:35:00 --> 00:35:32
			desk phone Yeah, because we go home and you say a bar guests. Normally the etiquette is at least
call your wife like you know someone's going to come. Just don't go with 20 people you're going to
take the food out but the thing was that at that time there was no need that's a hobby didn't need
to phone his wife or there wasn't any phones but he never had to give any message. Why? Because life
was simple. Again, back to the first point there were no expectations there was no like, if you fed
someone you fed them, you know, basic food from the heart. That's it. We don't have to we feed we
bring 10 dishes, but we complained 20 times. I don't know why they had to come at this time. You
		
00:35:32 --> 00:36:06
			know, oh, no, it's we sometimes put a lot of dishes on the table so that you know, they're talking
about about us like oh, this is the only thing that can feed fee if you can't feed and give a lot of
dishes hamdulillah for the sake of Allah, but they had no the Sahaba had no formalities, whatever is
in the heart is on the tongue. Nothing no problem. This is my house. I've got two dates here.
Bismillah I'll feed you in your mouth for the sake of Allah. You eat it you go that's it, no
formalities. So he took the companion home The wife said you know what, there's no food. There's
only one person's food. The children he said just make the children go to sleep just boiled to some
		
00:36:06 --> 00:36:36
			pretend that something's been woman. They'll fall asleep. The children went to sleep. The wife
didn't eat. The husband didn't eat and he told the guest sit down and on the food spread he bought
the food in front of the guest and then there was a lamp so he pretended because there's only one
person can eat he can't eat. So as soon as they were starting eating, he just like he hit the lamp.
So oh no lamps going out though. There's no lights now can we love to eat in the dark. And in the in
the dark. He just pretended
		
00:36:37 --> 00:37:03
			you know he's just pretending he's eating, eat. The guest is eating relaxing. He thinks the host is
eating but the host is not eating. He's just pretending in the dark. He's doing a good act and the
person does not even know this is another issue. Going back to the first point. When we are good. We
need to we must the host mother. You know what? I didn't eat for you today. Remember that? Today I
my whole family sacrificed the food I love you. You know see how much I do for you.
		
00:37:04 --> 00:37:14
			Again, not for the sake of Allah going back to the first point. Here the companion did not even let
the guests know and realize and pretended that he was eating
		
00:37:16 --> 00:37:55
			nobody knew but Allah never kept it secret Allah revealed a verse in the Quran where you will see
Runa either unfortunately him while O'Connor be him haha. These companions they call it is such that
even if they remain hungry, they will give preference to others. They will stay hungry for the sake
of others they'll feed others for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala this is this is the quality ethos
or build this quality we need to bring this quality in ourselves, ethos or giving preference to
others. The Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he says numerous Hadith talk about
this. He says that now you may not have to come again you can't be a person cannot be a complete
		
00:37:55 --> 00:38:34
			believer that you hate him or you have been enough say until he does not like for his brother what
he likes for himself and you can include sisters here as well. And another Hadith he said, Hey,
Berlin Nassima to hibel Enough sick in this first Hadith he said you don't love for your brother,
somebody might think this is just for Muslims. In this other Hadith in the Muslims of Imam Muhammad.
He said hey Berlin Nursey love for people. No restriction of Muslim non Muslim love for people for
humanity what you like for yourself, which includes you want Eman for you? You want Iman for others
as well. You want eternal bliss and Paradise and Jana, you want eternal bliss and paradise for your
		
00:38:34 --> 00:38:42
			fellow you know Trinidadians if you could I don't know what you say but but for the fellow people.
This is this is the Hadith.
		
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			Wanting always putting people before us. This can go on and on. This is a very important aspect. You
know, to put in every relationship putting ourselves in the shoes of the others. How would I like to
be treated? That's how the other person likes to be treated in every relationship. Take every
relationship, parents children, but the problem is we are selfish when we are children. We don't
know how what a parent we don't know how he feels because we're not parents said but the only thing
that matters to us is being a son or a daughter is like my rights and why is my dad like this and
why does my mother doesn't understand and they backward and they don't understand. Oh young man,
		
00:39:26 --> 00:39:59
			young woman. You're going to be married soon and you will have children then now using okay kids
nowadays look at them they don't even when you become parents. The only rights that matters is
parents rights. When we are children. We only live in the children world. When you are an employer
you forget you are an employee one day when you become an employee. When you're an employee then you
forget what how it feels to be an employer. When you're a landlord you forgot you used to rent and
you're a tenant. But when you're a tenant you don't know what the landlord feels like. Everyone's in
their own area that Islam is saying when you're a landlord for one more
		
00:40:00 --> 00:40:39
			I'm going to go over the other side when you go on the other side and pretend, think, if I was a
tenant, how would I feel? How would I want my land and landlord to treat me? If you're a mother in
law and a daughter in law, mother in law, forget what it felt like being a daughter in law. Oh,
mother in law, you know what, 25 years ago, you were a daughter in law at that time, the only thing
that mattered to you are the rights of duty and lose. Today you become a mother in law, you don't
know what I taught in law. It's like a different species. I don't know. What is that is that some
jinn or something is just the only thing in the world now matters is being a mother in law, and the
		
00:40:39 --> 00:41:15
			daughter in law, yes, today, your daughter in law, you got a two year old baby within 1015 years,
that boy is gonna grow up and I'm gonna get married and gonna bring a daughter in law, now you will
become a mother in law, and then only you change your switch. This is the problem selfishness.
Everybody lives in their own bubble in their own when someone's ill, they think they're the only
person that ill. They're nobody else you know, only my illness matches. When we have a problem, then
this is the biggest problem on planet Earth. This everyone has issues we need to think about others.
There was a lady that once she had a small stomach problem that took her to the hospital, and she
		
00:41:15 --> 00:41:32
			was complaining that my stomach's hurting, my stomach's hurting somebody, when they were taking the
lift, they suddenly saw a patient that was burnt from head to toe. Somebody said, auntie, Look,
she's burned somebody in Charlotte Have you only got stomach pain. She looked with your eyes burned,
but he hasn't got the stomach pain.
		
00:41:35 --> 00:42:14
			Because this is bigger than that. Because for her only that matters. This is human nature. And this
is why Islam says we need to build this ethos, this selflessness and this quality of giving
preference to others, putting ourselves in the shoes of the others for a moment becoming a teacher
thinking to like if I was a student go on the other side. If you're a student, for one moment, put
yourself in the shoes of the teacher, mother in law, daughter in law husband in the shoes of the
wife, how do I want to be treated every relationship, put yourself on the other side, give
preference to others take some sacrifice number three, so that was a second reason number three of
		
00:42:14 --> 00:42:16
			the three four, I'm just going to quickly inshallah conclude.
		
00:42:18 --> 00:42:28
			The third reason is actually a very important reason, which is not really a fault. But it's an it's
it's not a fault of human beings, but it's natural.
		
00:42:29 --> 00:43:11
			To remember first two first two is the first one was incorrect intention. So we need to make correct
intentions. I'm going to ask you then, with test number two. The second reason is we are selfish,
selfish, and we have this selfish nature. We need to build and create ethos, the quality of
selflessness, and sacrificing for the others and wanting others for others what we want for
ourselves, too. Number three is not a bad quality, but it's like something we have been created
with. Because human beings all human beings have been created differently. The way we all think the
way we all understand things, the way we look at things the way we understand, think, reflect and
		
00:43:11 --> 00:43:13
			act and deal with things is different.
		
00:43:14 --> 00:43:53
			Every human being is created differently. You know, the way we look, any two people look exactly
similar. Even twins don't look same. Really. Everyone Allah has physically made them different. Even
our fingerprints. That's why they take fingerprints, even the lines, fingerprints, you take
different my fingerprint is different from your fingerprint. Our brains are different. Everyone
thinks differently. Everyone's temperament is different. Everyone's nature is different. When people
are different than it's given, it's without doubt that people will do things which we won't do. We
won't like people living in our family. My wife might do something that doesn't I don't feel right.
		
00:43:53 --> 00:43:56
			I don't like it. My husband might do something that I don't like my brother, my sister.
		
00:43:58 --> 00:44:04
			This is mentioned in the hadith of sunnah and Timothy, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
said a Muslim will let the U haul it on us. While yes
		
00:44:07 --> 00:44:11
			yes but Allah Allah Who Cairo middle Muslim Illa de la Johanna tunas, while is
		
00:44:13 --> 00:44:51
			the Hadith the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is telling us in sound Hadith, that by living
with others, it's natural that your feelings will be hurt. It's impossible to live with people and
feelings not be hurt. That's not possible. Because you are different. Especially like I was saying
earlier today that in marriage, it's a different gender men and women are completely different. Men
think differently. Women think differently. Men are their temperament is different women temperament
is different. psychologically, mentally, emotionally, men and women are different. Read the book,
men from Mars, Women from Venus, different as a book, you know, men and women are different. Women
		
00:44:51 --> 00:44:59
			are emotional, they're more gentle, they're more fragile, you know, they they are sensitive and
that's the beauty of a woman. A man is more you know, he
		
00:45:00 --> 00:45:34
			He likes to take control of the situation. He likes to take the lead. He's that's why the Quran made
the husband, everyone reached out to our Munna Allah nisab. Emma fogal Allah who became the medium,
the Emir of the household and has so there are different people. That's why one of the problems in
marriage is men forget that they are married women and women forget that they've married men. Women
think that their husband is just like another woman that you can talk to three hours and you know,
cry about it and is going to listen, no, no, a woman will do that, but a man will not be able to do
that. And a man thinks watch that my wife is like just my mate that I used to before being married
		
00:45:34 --> 00:46:15
			and as a bachelor until 2am hanging around and just you know, relax and this is a different species,
not a different species different gender. This is this is a woman difference. First of all, you are
two different human beings. But then even your genders are different. The way women do things are
differently from men. So this difference has been mentioned in the Hadith numerous Hadith, that when
you do live with people without a doubt, it's given that people will say things do things act in
ways which will not please you, feelings will be hurt. So what is the solution? One solution is just
going live in isolation don't get married don't have family, nothing go in the cave. And the
		
00:46:15 --> 00:46:30
			mountain just going to one island next to tree that I don't know if the nobody lives in the middle.
Yes, live there in the under the in the forest. No one nobody hurts my feelings. And I'm not bad to
anybody. Well, the trees are there. Good luck, you know, be nice to the trees.
		
00:46:31 --> 00:47:11
			You can do that. That's one solution. The hadith of pseudo entailment is saying that the real
solution if you're living with people is Saba patients that's about that's why the messenger
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said a Muslim who lives with people mixes in intermingles interacts. And
because of living with people, your feelings are hurt. And you do sabar, you have patients, that
believer that Muslim man or woman is better than that one who goes in an island and remote place and
doesn't live with anyone. Therefore nobody's to hurt their feelings and they don't have to do
something. It's take the challenge live with people. That's what the hadith is saying. Saba is the
		
00:47:11 --> 00:47:52
			only solution and one of the greatest acts of a bird one of the greatest qualities. One of the
greatest things in Islam is sublime. That's why the Hadith, the Quranic idea, there's rewards given
you know, if you pray this, you get this reward if you do this, you get this reward for this EBA
that this reward about subpar, the Quran says in your facade Runa Adjara whom behavior Hassan the
ones who do somebody there ADGER is without any limit, Allah says I can't even put a limit like I
can't even tell you how much reward there is. Because it's one of the most difficult things to do.
Anger when someone has anger rage, some husbands and men have like extreme anger. Saba controlling,
		
00:47:52 --> 00:48:17
			having exercising somewhere and patient. It's it's a real good quality we need to work at this. May
Allah grant us the suburb patients because if you react if someone does something and our feelings
are hurt, we retaliate. We argue we fight back they argue we fight it just carries on and on and on.
Do you want to live like that of misery of arguing? The other is just for the sake of Allah just
take it in from one ear and out from the same year.
		
00:48:18 --> 00:48:42
			Okay, it's no, it's just a it's okay. No problem. It's just a human being hasn't really been what's
happening. It's nothing happened to me. Someone said something. Who cares? Life is too short. Life
is too short or problems seriously, if we become tried to make that attitude, you know, if don't
become too sensitive, and all sisters are a bit more sensitive than men, but just try your best.
When people do say things.
		
00:48:43 --> 00:49:09
			Try not to be too sensitive. Someone did something. That's it now for one week, we're depressed. Why
did they use that word? Why would they thinking about me? What they're saying? Well, why? You know,
who cares? The Senate What if someone says something bad about you? It doesn't make us bad. In and
if we're not good and someone praises us. All the praise of the world will not make us good If Allah
doesn't think we're good, and all the
		
00:49:10 --> 00:49:35
			slander in the world will not make us bad if Allah thinks we're good. It's between us and Allah.
That's the real relationship that matters. You know, the day we make this habit in our life that we
don't worry about what others think about us. And seriously, I'm telling you this, this is a really
important point. I've myself, I've been trying working on this for many, many, many years. And
honestly, I've seen a massive difference in my life for about 10 years now.
		
00:49:36 --> 00:49:59
			Live in a way that what people say think just does not matter. Who cares. I just don't someone's
comes and say someone Oh, they really really praised you. No big deal. What it's written, it's gone
in the air. They praise you Mashallah. You're amazing. You're amazing. It's like what I recorded and
keep on listening. You're amazing. You're amazing. You're amazing. Take the pleasure. You know,
you're amazing. If somebody said You're good, you're good. It's gone. It's gone in the air wind
waves is there
		
00:50:00 --> 00:50:31
			In the clouds world, imagine you go in the grave. Everyone praises you. And then the angels come and
start beating you. Look, those guys said you amazing is that how amazing there's actually a hadith?
I can't recall the reference. I heard it from somebody, but I need to check the reference of this
hadith. But I heard it from a very reliable scholar. He mentioned in one of his talks that actually
there's a hadith where when a person a chief of a community, everyone used to praise him, he goes
into the grave May Allah protects us and people as soon as they bury him, they say mashallah, this
was a very generous man, he was achieved. He was a Chaudhry, he was there, mashallah, people are
		
00:50:31 --> 00:51:04
			talking and angels are beating him when they say, look, he was a very good guy that give him one
more, are you that good person? And they say, oh, mashallah, the guy who's spent so much money and
generous, beat him again. It's a hadith, Allah protects us. So what people think, doesn't matter.
Just make that in life. So that was the third point quickly, four and five or four, just one last
point. So sabar, because we are all different. And lastly, one very important point or reason for
famine, family disputes, and the solution.
		
00:51:05 --> 00:51:44
			That Well, there's many, but this is one of them. Well, I mentioned this fourth one, five, just
quickly. One of the reasons is tongue people the way they use the tongue. It's very important Islam
places a lot of emphasis to control the tongue, the cause of family problems and marital disputes is
the unrestricted usage of the tongue. We open our tongue how we want whenever we want the libre
backbiting, tail bearing swearing slandering, in any way shape or form. The Quran says every word
that comes out that we take off from my mouth. My yellow voodoo mean only in Isla de here are people
I did read been recorded will have to justify this word, this letter, the statement in the code of
		
00:51:44 --> 00:52:20
			Allah subhanaw taala. The tone we use, if we shout out our wife, if a husband is shouting, Allah
will ask us Why did you shout at your wife? Does she deserve to be shouted? were swearing
slandering, nagging other husband cursing the husband? Every letter Allah will question the sins of
the tongue, I can do a two hour talk on just Sins of the tongue, each one of them we go through it's
a major area of Islam, preserving and protecting the tongue. It's one of the most important
obligations. I will end with this, that some of the earliest scholars like Mr. Musharraf era hula
hula, he used to, you know, when people used to come to talk to him, he used to look down for a few
		
00:52:20 --> 00:52:58
			moments. And then he used to contemplate and then give an answer. Somebody asked him though, oh,
Imam, why do you do that? When some people come and talk to you? Why do you look down for a few
seconds for half a minute, one minute? And then you reply, he said, had it for under hydrophilic.
Color me off is so good. What I do is I think to myself, whether it's better to talk, or it's better
to remain quiet. And if I talk, what should I talk? What should I say? What letter should I use?
What words should come out from my mouth? What tone should I use? How will I not hurt the feelings
of the other person? Everything I think meditate? And then I speak. That's why they say the
		
00:52:58 --> 00:53:35
			intellect into intelligent person is who thinks then speaks the foolish one who speaks and then
thinks, Oh, should I have said this? Oh, no. What now? You know, that's the foolish person. So
controlling of the 10. Last point. Number five. One of the main reasons a family dispute is money
issues, money issues, money matters. Money Matters and money matters. Money matters. And money
matters. One of the biggest problems, Islam places a lot of emphasis on money matters. One of the
biggest aspects of Money Matters is Islam says clarify your transactions.
		
00:53:36 --> 00:54:18
			Clarify, ownership, clarify, everything should be clear. The way you deal should be clear.
Everything should be written recorded. Even if it's a family business. The father has a business,
the son studies and comes back joins in the business. What capacity is he joining this business?
Nobody asks. Nobody asks nobody says nobody clarifies if someone says what's the what's the story
here? Is a family family. You don't mean family? You don't talk about these things. Okay, no
problem. Family family. Then the second son comes people in the same family is he working is
employed is a bit shaky. Does he have a share in the business? Is he just freely voluntarily helping
		
00:54:18 --> 00:54:57
			the father nothing's clarify. The second one comes someone gets married, somebody takes more money
out of the business that first one takes less money, the third one gets married. And then what
happens? 30 years afterwards, I have had hundreds of cases to the point that people are ready to
kill one another brothers are ready to kill one another because nothing was clarified when they were
young. The father has passed away. Inheritance issues. People fight brothers and sisters don't talk.
People don't talk for years because of inheritance issues. Nothing is clear. Islam says clarify
everything. If you have you've built a house together, who's paid how much? Who's got what share?
		
00:54:57 --> 00:54:59
			You have a family business each side
		
00:55:00 --> 00:55:41
			When is he a partner in the business? What share percentage? The father has 50%? Okay. 20% one son
20% the other son, whatever clarify, is he? Does he have a share in the business? Or is he helping
voluntarily free? Or does he have is he employed? What if he's employed whare his wages, fixed his
monthly salary. And then if he takes out write it down, this is the salary or money you've taken
from the business, you're taking a loan, you're gonna pay this back because it's not only you, you
have another brother, you have another brother, you have a sister, all monetary transactions.
There's a saying it's not a hadith some people have quoted it as a hadith. But as far as I know,
		
00:55:41 --> 00:55:49
			it's not a hadith. It's a saying of one of the sahaba. It's, it's like a very famous statement, and
it's apparently the principal, the ASHA Rugal, the one with the Amanu.
		
00:55:50 --> 00:56:32
			Colored Journal, the ASHA rucola. One, live like brothers and sisters, transact like strangers. Live
like brothers and sisters, transact like strangers. Even if your brother is taking $10 from you
write it down. My brother has taken this he said he will pay for this sign it the Quran says write
it down everything clear. The day if you die, people no everything's written who owes you how much
and how much you owe others. This will really solve because solve problems because monetary issues
money issues, causes a lot of problems in life. And many, many disputes take place because of money
issues. So these were just few random five points in sha Allah. May Allah grant us at OCF in sha
		
00:56:32 --> 00:56:37
			Allah, just sorry, I don't know how much time I went above but it's Sharla beneficials