Why invest in Family and Children?

Mufti Menk


Channel: Mufti Menk

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Sydney Australia, 15 Nov 2022

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Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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Smilla Rahmanir Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi wa sallahu wa salam ala Mala via Bahadur who Allah Allah He was so happy he was sending how many from amongst you are married Put up your hands oh that's the majority mashallah put your hands down. Okay so life is a mess for most of us.

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Now Allah Almighty No I meant bliss, sorry, what did I say?

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No, no bliss life is bliss for most of us.

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My brothers, my sisters, the excitement before you get married is something you would love to continue with throughout your married years Mashallah. If the husbands and the wives were not in the same room as they are right now, I would have asked you how many of you are as happy as you were just before you got married today 10 years after marriage, but because both spouses are in the room hypocrisy in the answer. I leave it in Charlotte. Let's leave it to Shana. So I'd like to hope that we are as happy as we were right.

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No answer. Did you hear that? weakness? No response. So the reality is that excitement why was it there in the first place? It was there because we felt we were accomplishing half our D agree. We felt what happened.

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They don't like what I'm saying. So

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we felt we were accomplishing half our deen and

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we felt perhaps it would be a step in the right direction for the rest of our lives. We're going to be in the company and companionship of someone we really feel will add meaning to this life agree. Inshallah I see people are looking at me so miserable, so miserable. Okay, let's say something else. Every one of us looks forward at some points after marriage to having children. But the almighty chooses when and whether to give us children and what type of children to give us male or female or both. So as Allah Almighty says Lila mnemonic Gu SIRVA T one Yup. No Goma Yeshua, you have only me or SHA

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wirehaired with him many. Usha

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gone Oh,

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wait, I know man, he or she

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won't be My Allah is the Creator of everything. Allah owns absolutely everything. He creates what he wants. He grants some of us what does he give some of us?

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Only females. He grants some of us only males, some of us male and female. So you say how many kids do you have? You say I have one son one daughter? Mashallah, that's a good answer. I have two sons, two daughters would answer Allah balanced it for you. Or you say I have four daughters, let's say Hamdulillah. Or I have four sons. Mashallah, these are all good answers. And someone will tell you, I don't have children. That's why it's tricky to ask people. How many kids do you have? When they don't have children? It's actually rude at times. It's actually very insensitive of people to ask couples that have come together in marriage and don't have children yet. When are you going to have

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kids come on your honeymoon supposed to be over by now you don't know they might not be able to have kids, right? So we ask Allah to bless every one who doesn't have children with children who will be the coolness of their eyes. Now, the reason I start this way is the cornerstone of society, according to what I've come to learn over the years from the Dean of ours is your choice of a spouse.

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I promise you, the society and how it grows and how it develops and the the inclinations and so much more. The level of detail, perhaps all of it has to do with the choice of your spouse. So be careful when you're choosing a spouse. I don't know why I'm saying this year when the majority of us have already chosen.

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But but it's not too late because we should improve ourselves the next step

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And the next stage is to allow your children or to afford them a beautiful upbringing, to give them time and to invest in them. A lot of what you have,

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I promise you time alone, when spent with your children make some massive difference. My beloved brothers and sisters, especially the brothers, myself included, we need to do more spending time with our families. I know it's frustrating, because you must be saying, I work, I go out, I do this, I whatever, whatever everything in its place, all I'm saying is let's do better. Because if I have it in my mind, I want to do better, I want to do better. Even if I'm getting four or five hours of quality time a week, for example, just helping out the kids being around them as a breadwinner, or someone who goes out most of the time, and I got it on my mind that I need to do better minimum is

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are not going to do worse. They see when you say I need to do better in something. Why is it good? It's good because minimum is you're not going to do worse because your your concern is about doing more. I hope so humbling. But my brothers, my sisters, when we invest in our children, we are creating an entire generation of children with certain ways and habits. And if we do not get them used to beautiful ways and habits and the way of speaking the connection with Allah Almighty, the connection with your neighbors and your community, the feeling within them to contribute towards others, we're not going to get far if we don't do this. And that's why Be careful how you speak. If

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I'm conscious of the words that come out of my mouth, just because my kids are there, Wallah you will be rewarded. Many of us as we grew older, we went to schools, and at times, we heard all sorts of swear words and vulgar words and immoral things happening around us and so on. And as you grow older, sometimes it brushes off onto you and without you realizing you start saying words that are not befitting a person like you look at your face in the mirror, look at how beautiful you look. And then say the swear word to yourself in the mirror? Do you think it will suit your face? That's the question, Does it suit you to say that he doesn't do alive, it doesn't say if it doesn't suit you

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become conscious of it's a beautiful words. If you like to have a beautiful face, you need to have beautiful words. And if you want to have beautiful words, you need to have a connection with Allah, a little bit of consciousness. Be careful Think before you speak. That's what the movement is supposed to do. We think before we speak,

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here we are speaking about the divine legacy. What is it divine, divine heavenly from Allah from the Almighty? Do you really think that you would leave any legacy whatsoever that's worth mentioning, if you didn't discipline yourself, if you didn't push yourself towards doing something you had to do that you might not have felt you wanted to do? You know, I have to do this.

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I for one, I'm not a big outdoor person. I'm not a foodie. I'm not I don't like shopping and so on. But I promise you sometimes you have to do it because of your family. Because of your family members, your spouse, your children, it's an investment. So you go out and you pretend like you love it, right? Because you know that that's what's going to make these people happy, these little children of mine. I mean, if I'm going to jump around and go home, you know, do whatever, take them where they like, and for as long as it's a decent place. hamdulillah they will remember that it builds them. And as time passes, they become people because they felt loved by the right people.

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Their love is not going to be diverted to the wrong people.

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But the moment the child feels like I'm not appreciated at home, no one spends time with me. No one appreciates me they only nag me about the things I've done wrong, or the way I should be doing things because children are not perfect. Nor are we but we have this perfectionist traits when it comes to our own kids where we want the presentation of them in the public to be immaculate. They're just kids. So what do we end up doing? agging? No, you look like a stone to the stone graders don't whatever, it's fine. You may want to guide them, but they will. They will listen to you without you speaking to them just by watching you when you've invested time in them and when you've invested a

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lot more in them but my brothers, my sisters,

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these children of ours if we were to show them the love, spend time

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invest in them by being caring and praising them where they deserve the praise. I promise you, they will grow up into confident little kids. And that confidence is something good. Why is it good? Because nobody will be able to fool them into believing something they're not supposed to actually be walking towards.

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A lot of the times we're lacking, hardly spent time here. Everything is just a nag. I look at them, and I take on them my own kids. I hardly spend time with them. They're a nuisance to meet some sort of Allah. I'm sorry, I don't mean me. But I'm just giving an example. Right? So they're in and so on. If that's the case, come on.

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Imagine, ask those who don't have children. May Allah bless you, my beloved brothers and sisters with children, who will be the coolness of your eyes. us those who don't have children, how they pray so hard to Allah Almighty, to have those children and then look at those with the children how sometimes they actually say, I wish I didn't have these kids, there is such pain Sangala suffer, but it happens. So make up your mind. I sometimes sit and I think of the angels taking up the two hours, you know, so you have the angel taking him to and from people saying we need the children. The other one saying, Oh, well, we we boys now. And the other one says no, we need girls. And the other one

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says when I'm fed up of all of these kids, what confusion is that make up your mind guys. May Allah Almighty bless us all with whatever is best for us, I promise you.

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At times Allah gives you only girls because he knows he knows that it's better for you. Ultimately, I'm on earth just for a short period of time. So you you don't know when you're going to go. It could be next minute or two day or two euro two, whatever. But when I go back to Allah, what is it that I really would like to have achieved? One word, Jana?

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I wouldn't paradise I'm looking forward to it.

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I am firmly convinced within my heart that I'm going to get into China.

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I know I've done wrong, I'm not a perfect human being none of us are perfect. All of us are sinful khulumani

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All human beings make mistakes, not just mistakes but sins.

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And you see forgiveness for isn't Allah Allah for Allah Rahim, The Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful, the Most kind, the most generous, the most amazing, the most beautiful, the most considerate, whatever else for so many qualities of the Almighty. I can't wait to meet this almighty who's the most forgiving. I know people who are forgiving and I am sorry, man. I just bumped your car. That's fine. Don't worry. It's only a Mercedes.

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Do they really say that?

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Even if he's the richest guy in Sydney, you knock his car you'll be knocked. Yeah. In fact, the richer he is the other up not right. But Allah the quality of Allah Almighty is such that you've made the biggest blunder of your life. I want to tell you what shaytan does, so that you know he does a reverse hit. What's the reverse it You committed a major sin. And then you realize you know what, that was the trap of the devil and going back to Allah and repenting I'm turning to him. So you repent and you turn to Allah and when you tend to Allah, he hits you with the reverse it you know what it is? That sin was a little bit too big to be forgiven, you can't be forgiven. So now you

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start doubting Allah. That's a reverse hit. That doubt is worse than the sin itself. Do you know why? Now you're doubting a quality of your Lord. That's what it is. Now you're doubting the first time you sinned. Okay. human weakness, not defiance of Allah. But now Allah says Lagaan Hakuna Rahmatullahi in Allah hails by Jamie, don't ever despair. Don't ever despair. Don't lose hope in the Mercy of Allah. He forgives all sins and here you are thinking no mine. He doesn't mean you're going against the Quran. You're going against the words of ALLAH, no matter what it was, he says, I will forgive you. So that's the reverse hit. Shaytan tries that. But my beloved brothers and sisters, as

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we become closer to Allah, do you know for me, to practice upon what I'm supposed to be practicing upon slowly but surely, is an investment into the future, not just of myself, but my children and the entire community because there are so many from amongst us who'd like to do good deeds, and sometimes we're embarrassed

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First, for whatever reason, it may be it shouldn't be, but it is happening. Sometimes there's peer pressure, sometimes we will, you know, we need a bit of a push. But when you see others do something you're supposed to do and it becomes rampant or it becomes maybe rampant is the wrong word, but it becomes common. What happens? You start thinking, Oh, well, he did it. Let me do it as well, you know, oh, she did it. Let me do it as well. And then there are more of us. What did you do you contributed towards society and community, everyone feels good about, for example, something they're supposed to be doing that is now trending. So we start the training.

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But the Mercy of Allah is something that we need to seek all the time.

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And he has indeed blessed us he has favored us, he has indeed blessed us and favored us. Many of us lose faith simply because certain things don't happen the way we want them to happen. Can I say something none of us ever, from the beginning to the end, have had our lives the way we've wanted them, not one.

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Every one of us Your life is actually partly a few things the way you wanted them. Because Allah chose that he'll give that to you. But mostly it's how Allah wanted.

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And that's why one of the biggest liberating factors according to Islam

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is to love yourself the way you are, thank

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you look in the mirror, every one of us has a flaw we will not created perfect because perfection is what Allah and perfection is for the for the for Paradise,

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you will look too much in the mirror. So you know, my nose is like this, my eyes are like this, my net is a bit too small, a bit too big, the one cheek is bigger than the other. It's because you sleep this way or whatever, there has to be imperfections and you know who you know who notices these imperfections, you That's it, no one else. You notice them. And people are saying look at how gorgeous this person is. And you're depressed because you believe otherwise. Come on. Allah is telling you,

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I made you the way I wanted I fashion you the way I wanted. Love yourself how you are, it's okay, you're a normal person, you'll find. When that happens, you gain that confidence. You learn to concentrate on other factors, other things.

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If you're a person who really doesn't like the way you look or the way you are, today is the day that's going to change. You need to learn to love yourself as you are, it's okay, it's fine. Diversity is part of the plan of Allah, if we were all the same, it wouldn't be boring, very boring, I recognize you because Allah gave you identity, identity Subhanallah you know, every human being from the beginning to the end will be different in thumbprint right will be different in the iris prints right will be different in so many other things into you, yourself, your identity. And I tell people, one of the greatest signs and one of the greatest points of evidence that there is a day of

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reckoning. reckoning means taking accounts, they have judgment, one of the greatest

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proofs proves that there is going to be a day of reckoning is the fact that we are all unique in our DNA and our identity.

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Because they can never be a mistake in the court of Allah, when the criminal comes forward. That is you.

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It cannot be that there is a mistaken identity. That's why Allah says we've created all of you unique, it's you

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SubhanAllah. If there was no day of judgment, and there was no reckoning, we will be similar. All the same. Maybe you'd have at least 510 people with the same thumbprint. Maybe, you know, 2050 people with the same iris print and so on. But Allah says no, every single one of you there's not going to be a HIPAA, no mistake, we know and it's your identity can't be anyone else. That alone is already assigned that there's going to be a judgement there's going to be reckoning.

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That's what it is. Subhanallah look at how Allah works. I mean, here you have kangaroos, back and back in. Back in Africa. We have many other animals. Every single animal is unique. Every Zebra has different stripes from the beginning of the species, right to the end. Every leopard, every Tiger every cheetah, every single kitten or cat or dog. Totally different from the other complete identity. Imagine how Allah has made it. Recently I went scuba diving and I'll tell you something. Looking at the fish is refreshing

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our connection

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with Allah because millions of species, and every single one is different. The scales on the fish did you know they're known to fish from the beginning of the creation of fish to the end that will be beyond our lives that are the same as Allah. This is ALLAH and man stands up thinking is a big deal. Subhanallah

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you have to fulfill what Allah tells you. You want to enjoy life, you need to have rules, regulations, you want to enjoy life, you need to be disciplined. You want to enjoy life, you have to get up in the morning and force yourself to do what you have to do for that particular day. Whether you like it or not, because the more you Clay's, the more depressed you become. There's no room for laziness, get up, do your thing. You have bad habits, eradicate them, you will leave a legacy. You know why you eradicated your bad habits. But if you slide into bad habits, there's no chance your children will watch you and they will be worse. I remember an old man. And the story is from a long

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time back telling his son Son you dare smoke, he says but then you'd be smoking for the last 20 years. He says that's why I'm telling you this smoke. Because I know the damage is done to me.

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Too late, I'm addicted. Well, if I was there telling me no one, you can still quit.

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But we have a problem. Sometimes the the argument they use is that when if I quit my temper, tempers flare I become I want to become violent. So some of the guys say okay, you can smoke one or two a day fine.

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Anyway, I didn't say that, right.

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But you know, anything that's a bad habit work on it. My brothers and sisters, we are supposed to be brilliant people, we supposed to be doing two main things here on Earth. Two main things on earth. One is have a beautiful relationship with your maker who made you talk to him, speak to him, make a relationship with Him, pray,

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and so on. Praise Him. Try and find out more about what he wants from you. And secondly, the second thing is your relationship with the other creatures that that same maker made because he made me with me, he made everyone else you are sitting here not by coincidence for you and I they are coincidences for Allah. There's no coincidence. He knows the planet. He knows he may view and I live in the same era. In the same time, he made me come and stand here he knows.

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I need to treat you as if I love Allah. I have to love the other things he's made, or at least respect the other things he's made. When you love someone, whenever it's dear to them becomes dear to you. If I want to prove myself to Allah, how can I be ugly to others, let alone others we are ugly to our own family members. Imagine the Quran tells us when you have matches within the family. One of the greatest acts of worship is to sit and solve your problems. But we stumbled we don't want to solve the problems. We were sitting in a position where no, it's okay. You don't want too much money. I this guy I know he's my brother and I want to talk to him ever again. No. Think about it

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again. Resolve it solving. I'm not saying allow him to take away your belongings but sit and solve the matter. Try once try twice, try three times how many ever times see and you will achieve?

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But if you don't? What would you like to do? You want to meet Allah Almighty, not having tried at all.

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My brothers, my sisters, I need to contribute towards the coming generations, those who are going to continue to be here after I've left, I need to contribute towards them. The way I will do that is by disciplining myself by understanding why I'm here by empowering them to a few days ago, I was speaking about children again. And I said do you know when you praise a child where the child deserves to be praised, you have actually sown within them a beautiful seed of strength that will grow. They become strong. And nobody can tamper with the moments ago I said if you do not love your child and show them the love and continue to tell them how gorgeous they are and how much you love

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them, they will get that from somewhere else. And when that happens, do you know what you don't know the monsters of the globe who will devour the child without any payments whatsoever? What I mean is for free

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and they will confuse the child and then you'll find an confused child sometimes or other

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A lot of times, it's because of the deficiency of what? Affection. There is a deficiency of affection. It happens in marriages too. You're married to someone, tell them how much you love them. Tell them how good they look, no matter how old you are. It's okay. You could be in your 60s 70s No problem. They might start blushing for the first time in their life. At that age. You've heard it tonight, go and tell them because if there is a deficiency of affection,

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you have a problem.

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Good people may not resort to something bad, but they feel an emptiness in the heart for what you have a spouse, you have children, you have everyone. Why should your family members feel an emptiness in the heart? You know why they feel an emptiness in the heart here you are busy trying to fill the emptiness in the hearts of others when those right around you who deserve your attention first, are waiting for it.

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To see

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that's where we're failing. And that's why going back to this divine legacy the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him tells us look on Cairo complete living well under hydroforming

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This is the best from amongst you. Do you want to know who they are? Not those who go around and the whole world starts you know excited about them. Oh wow. Your family the best amongst you and those who are best to his or her family.

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I believe when the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him says something like that. It's because it's not easy. If Allah tells you do this, and you get paradise, that thing cannot be easy. It has to be tough. You have to think about it and sacrifice go back and smile at the people at home. That smile outside the home is easy. I mean you see mashallah you walk down the street and you see a beautiful woman walk past and you say so next my niece or my brother? What sooner my brother, you're just fulfilling something within yourself but go home and do the Sunnah. Now you can say sunnah, mashallah that's not just like becomes part of becomes compulsory.

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That's how that's how people are honestly.

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Some my brother, now I do quite a few some number. What did you do? Well, you don't meet smiling and people are late, which people? That's the question.

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May Allah grant us ease. If the Prophet sallallahu Sallam has told you do this, and you get paradise, it's not going to be easy to do it. That's what I'm saying.

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You have to think about it, concentrate, build.

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Those who are your closest circle your spouse, you got married, two or three months down the line, there will be a few differences sometimes earlier than that. Because you are two different people. Part of your sacrifice is to navigate through those differences. And be brutally honest with yourself. Am I doing the right thing? And Mike connect it to Allah? Am I really being reasonable and fair? Am I sacrificing Marriage is not a honeymoon, a honeymoon? Why do they call it a honeymoon? Because I promise you, it's a deception. It's just a few, a few days of a holiday. But life's not a holiday. Come back from my honeymoon. Let's talk about it. I promise you. The biggest sacrifice is

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marriage. That's why many youngsters today, when they look at others and the way they operate in marriage, are they not saying I don't want to marry? Am I right or wrong? Yes, they don't want to marry because they say I don't want to face someone who's going to come into my life and mess it up. It's okay as it is my brother, there is a great reward to get married my beloved sister, a huge reward. You have to take that risk at some point. And you want to take a risk, take a calculated risk. You know what that is? Get advice from those who love you the most and the one who loves you the most is Allah your maker. What did he tell you? What should I do? Your brain, your mind your

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emotions might lead you towards someone who's going to devastate your life. But if you follow the guidance of Allah chances are you going to do something right. That's what it is. You want to marry someone good advice. People say My family doesn't want to me to marry so and so. Did you involve them from day one?

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Did you involve them from day one, I have a habit of my own case. Speak to them about marriage when they're little.

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And let them know as they grow older, they close to you. You can crack a joke or two about it. So then they will tell you something or two and you can keep guiding them. And then the day when it gets a little bit more serious, you know, wow, at least they're heading in the right direction they aiming somewhere where I would be proud of what they've actually come up with. Because you know, gone are the days when you could say son, I have an idea for you. You know what? There's someone I'd like to introduce you to

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introduce myself to 10 others.

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Mighty forgive us

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But that's a reality on the ground, right or wrong guys.

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MashAllah they shy to say yes.

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Or maybe 10 is too small a number.

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My brothers and sisters, here we are. We thank Allah Almighty for giving us the opportunity to talk to one another the idea of tonight's speech, more of an inspiration, more of focusing on the right things by the will of Allah subhana, Allah to Allah family is first, it's going to be a sacrifice. Like I said earlier, when you get married, you have to sacrifice. Let's be fair with one another. Do not become a monster. Do not be an unreasonable person make life easy for others. I always say

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the Hadith says, and we hear it normally when we're, you know, with the charities Today we're here with human repeat Australia, can Allah who can only update mankind and update it? You've heard that right? Allah will continue assisting his servant for as long as that servant is assisting another, you're helping someone else Allah will help you, right? But I want to say something. Imagine the person you helping is within your own family. What a great reward that would be. If there is a reward to help a random person. What about a reward to be there for your own family? It's not going to be easy, but the reward is multiplied.

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You know, the Hong Kong when we speak of the rights of people, as Muslims, you have the rights of the non Muslims, then you have the rights of the neighbors, and then you have the rights of a neighbor who's not a Muslim. They all have rights. And then you have a right of a neighbor who is a Muslim. And then you have a right of a neighbor who's a Muslim and a relative. It's all bigger rights, huge sacrifice. So if we focus on the right things, what will we do, we will leave a legacy because

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if you have a healthy marriage, healthy children, people who are focused on the right things they make may make mistakes, but that's what we're there for. To guide each other. You remind me when I'm going wrong. The idea is not to smash me and destroy me. Build me. You saw me faltering remind me in a good way, my brother, I love you so much. You know what? Consider what I'm saying. This is not a good thing. It's going to bring you down. Don't feel bad if someone were to correct you. Not everyone's going to use the words I use just now. Those are polite words. Some might say, shut up. Still, you got to keep quiet, right?

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Everyone has a different style if they're right. But when you are correcting someone, try to be considerate of who they are considered of what type of words will help them. We come into our families and wallah here we use the ugliest words, we terrorize them. We literally do that. We terrorize me coming and outside mashallah, nobody would believe that is the same person inside and outside. And the Prophet peace be upon him has stressed to us that if you really want to know who's the best, go and look inside, check how they are inside. So I call on you, my brothers, my sisters, let's come down a little bit. Let's concentrate on the right things. Let's work hard.

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We must achieve both things. This worldly material life is also important, but within a limit, I need to go out study, get good results, get a job, do a business, I shouldn't be lazy, the sky's the limit. Don't be afraid to have your own company to start your own business to start buying and selling things. Trade is good mashallah or to work and to achieve all of that is very important. But don't compromise your connection with your maker everyday improve, everyday improve, you want to make a mental note of the 10 main things you need to change in order to get even closer to Allah slowly but surely, you start with one at a time. If you're weak one at a time, I know I need to do

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this, I know I need to do this. I know I need to adjust this. I need to eradicate this one at a time what will happen Allah is watching. If you were to die in the process, by the will of Allah, you will be rewarded by the strong intention that you had and the fact that you started changing slowly but surely I need to improve. I need to improve myself on so many things.

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Things that sometimes may only be highlighted to me later on by others and things I do know. So when we have corrected ourselves when we have contributed towards our own correction by the word of Allah, we're heading in the right direction. And like I said,

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Allah Almighty requires that we are kind to everyone that he has made. That doesn't mean I agree with you. On all points. There are people have to

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front face, we strongly differ sometimes. But we differ with respect. One of the diseases today, especially among the Muslims,

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one of the diseases today, especially among the Muslims, we disagree on five things. We agree on 5000 things, but because of those five things we disagree on, that's it, this person is going to hell, according to hell doesn't belong to you, my brother, notice, no, it doesn't. And I normally tell people when they say this guy's going to hell. So it seems like you're already there, knowing who's there who's not mean, how else would you know who's in hell? You probably they already?

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It's so unfair, isn't it? But rather, we can differ, we can disagree, respectfully, my brother. I don't agree with what this is, and so on. But you know, this is my brother, I will respect him. I'll be kind to him. I honor him. And who knows, we might, we might come closer in our opinions, and one of us might change our view. And we even if we don't, it's fine. It's not the first time on earth that there was a difference. But it's the first time we're witnessing people becoming so ugly, about differences we hate on each other. Come on. It's an age of social media. I know. Rather than using social media to spread love and kindness and goodness and beautiful teachings, many of us are doing

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the opposite. can do better? Didn't I say that earlier? We can do better. Now Allah Almighty protect us. Can you believe I've overshot my training by six minutes? Can you believe that?

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I'm sure these clocks are a little bit quicker in Sydney. Somehow. May Allah Almighty have mercy on all of you. It's been absolutely awesome to have spoken to all these radiant faces watching me here. My Shala I pray that Allah gather us in January, they will say

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and I pray that Allah alleviate the suffering of all those who are struggling, whether from amongst us or anywhere in the world. And I pray that Allah use us to do the right things on earth, and He helps us to grow in the most beautiful way. Apollo probably Hala Salallahu salam ala Nabina Muhammad Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa