Mufti Menk – Unplugged – 18+ Sexual rights in Islam
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In our religion, there is balance in everything.
Sexual rights
and responsibilities
in Islam.
What does the wife like to see her
husband wearing? To fulfill the base desires of
your spouse,
there is a charity in it.
So this is an act of worship. It's
an act of worship with the right intention.
People say,
you know, you can't marry for 6. Can
I say no to my husband if he
requested me for Yes? You know, intimacy? Vigenismus,
for those just who don't know,
intimate
vision is most for those just who don't
know what is the conditions. Sometimes they say
fix him, don't sleep with him. So now
we wanna shift to the ethical ethical boundaries
regarding sexual
activities in Islam. Are there any prohibited
acts
that husbands and wives who are watching us
now be careful of?
My brothers, my sisters in Islam,
our beautiful religion Islam is the perfect way
of life that was intended by Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala and chosen for His creation.
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala wa Salam Ala Salam
Adina,
this day I have perfected your religion for
you,
completed my favor upon you, and chosen Islam
to be your way of life.
A way of life that does not only
care about spirituality
or the ritualistic acts of worship that Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala had imposed upon us, but
it intervenes in every aspect of our existence.
From the minute we wake up in the
morning to the last minute of the day.
And that includes acts like
sexual
intimacy with halal spouses. And this is exactly
our topic
of this video Insha'Allah ta'ala. Sexual rights
and responsibilities
in Islam.
And joining me my beloved brothers, my beloved
elders and mentors and so many other things
doctor Muhammad Salah of Hudha TV
and Mufti Ismail Mink who does not need
any introduction.
Jazakamu Khan for making this meeting possible.
But let me begin by asking doctor Mohammad
Salah and Mufti Minh to give a brief
introduction about the importance of this topic.
In our religion, there is balance in everything.
When Allah
regulated the relationship
between the spouses, the rights, and the duties,
he phrased it in the most perfect
and wise way.
The almighty Allah says in
Surah
Al
Baqarah,
the pronoun refers to the
wives,
which means
the wives
also do have rights
similar to those which are due upon them.
So mutual rights and obligations.
So normally, people speak about, you know, the
needs of the husband the needs of the
husband. What about the needs of the,
wife?
Abdullah ibn
Abbas
said upon reading this ayah in his commentary,
means adornment.
In the case of a woman, you like
your wife to wear makeup,
perfume,
sleepwear.
You know?
Likewise,
what does a wife like to see her
husband wearing,
smelling,
looking nice? So he used to adorn himself.
Does he know of the man maybe wearing
the coat wearing the nice perfume,
dressing up neatly, taking a shower? So he's
required to fulfill his duties towards his right
his wife in this regard as much as
he likes his wife to smell neat and
to be ready for him. We'll talk about
it, but I'd like to hear from my
my brother, Mink.
Many people don't like to talk about this
topic
taboo. They consider it something that, you know,
is very difficult to speak about.
Fortunately,
we are responsible to speak about these topics.
We have to in a respectful way. The
prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam addressed it in
a very beautiful manner.
The word used is so respectful,
you know, to fulfill the base desires of
your spouse.
There is a charity in it.
So the sahaba is an act of worship.
It's an act of worship with the right
intention. The Sahaba radhiallahu anhu were obviously surprised
that they asked a question, O Messenger sallallahu
alaihi wasallam,
if we fulfill our base desires,
would we get a reward for that? So
he asked again in a question to say,
do you do you see
if you were to fulfill it in haram,
would you be sinful?
They said yes. Well he said, well then
if you do it in a halal proper
way, then you would achieve a reward.
So that's one thing we need to understand.
When a person gets married, people say,
you know, you can't marry for *.
I mean, then, sorry. Why did you get
married? I mean, it's one of the main
things. It's not it's not perhaps
the factor but it's one of the main
factors. Part of the package, yeah. Yes. It's
one of the main parts of the package.
In fact, so much so that if a
person is
unable to satisfy his spouse either way,
then they have a right, the other spouse
has a right to
file for a nullification of it because you
can't fulfill my rights. It's important. I mean,
I protected myself from haram for what? In
order that I get the halal. If I'm
not going to get the halal,
this is why the prophet says
under certain circumstances, you could be sinful
for not
facilitating
something that is absolutely halal because where do
you expect them to go? A lot of
the times, we get people saying, you know
what,
I won't give
in to my husband. Imagine if the husband
said the same thing about the spouse.
I won't give in. Why talk like this?
You are married. Part of that marriage in
Islam
includes the issue of intimacy. It's part of
the the aqat. It includes the intimacy. And
you're gonna unpack
all these issues in details insha'Allah. We unpack
the package. Yes. We have to un pack
this in great details. This video, I think,
is gonna be very important for people who
have those doubts.
Can I say no to my husband if
he requested me for, you know, intimacy and
all these questions? We want to unpack it
in detail. So the two things I wanted
to mention as an introduction. 1 is consider
it an act of worship with the correct
intention. Go out of your way to fulfill
it in order not only to please your
spouse either way, but in order to please
Allah and to earn a reward. And secondly,
is that make sure you understand
that
you have to make an effort, you have
to you have to try, you have to,
like doctor Mohammad said, cleanse yourself, keep yourself
clean, neat, you know, someone that the person
you're married to would desire.
So you you look okay. You're primumprop. You
don't just do anything and everything that would,
make you look so unkempt, for example. May
Allah make it easy. So let's start with
the
responsibilities
of the husband towards his
wife.
What are the roles, rights, and responsibility when
it comes to sexual intimacy
about husbands
fulfilling that for his wife?
Well, one might be surprised
to realize that, our religion
discussed that in-depth.
So for instance, the sexual satisfaction
is a requirement for both.
My brother, Mink, was talking about that the
wife would have the right to nullify the
marriage
or demand fast or divorce
in case that there is a dysfunctioning.
Guess what?
Marriage itself
undergoes the 5
religious
plural of.
So from the beginning,
marriage could be compulsory,
could be recommended,
could be mere halal, lawful,
could be disliked, and it could be haram.
Wow. So marriage could be haram from the
beginning.
Somebody
wants, to get married, but it's haram for
him to get married. Likewise. Why is that?
Yeah.
Somebody who's been diagnosed with dysfunctioning,
erectile dysfunctioning for innocence, he cannot
have
the ability to have sexual relations.
So we say, is it treatable?
Well, doctor said unfortunately not.
That means you will marry a woman and
you will cause a harm, a great harm
to her.
So you'll be lying to her. You will
be deceiving her and her family, and you'll
be counting on, you know, that she just
married a decent man, a rich man,
or a righteous man?
What about the, sexual,
desire?
What about the sexual needs? What about the
desire to have a child? Oh, we'll go
for,
in, vitro fertilization or whatever.
In this case, it is not honest. So
it is haram for a person who is
diagnosed with this kind of dysfunctioning,
and he knows that he will not have
the capacity
to have
a sexual *,
to get married, to the to propose and
get married, then deceive
this innocent woman. So the man must tell
this in advance, like, if he had erectile
dysfunction and he he knows that he can't
function sexually.
Is it permissible
for the wife to say, okay. I accept
and they get married based on that? Obviously,
we're talking about average people. Like, you know,
people get married once they grow up at
measurable age, and they need to get married
in order to lower their gaze, to satisfy
the sexual desire, to start forming a family,
to have children. Right? We're not talking about
elders who
this concept is not really a priority. Like,
you know, I'm marrying somebody to be with
me at home to take care of me
whenever I'm,
you know, I'm sick,
or to
to manage my business. No. We're talking about
what most
people get married for No. Which is
to enjoy this intimacy in a lawful fashion.
No. And also the hadith,
that my brother Mink referred to, when the
prophet
said,
the companions were surprised. Their eyes go well
and say, what? Would you have * and,
be rewarded? He said, look at the analogy.
He said, what what do you think if
somebody happened to have sexual relations outside marriage,
out of wedlock
in a lesser relationship?
Doesn't he or she deserve to be punished?
They said, certainly. Because he's committing adultery. He
said, for avoiding the haram
and pursuing the halal,
he or she will be rewarded. Alhamdulillah.
So we have to acknowledge
that.
Mainly, we get married for
one of those reasons.
So it must be fulfilled.
If somebody knows from the beginning
that he has this kind of dysfunctioning,
he's diagnosed,
he tried to be treated, but,
it didn't work out. In this case, it
is not permissible to propose to a family
and a girl,
and deceive them.
You know, in case that there there is
a woman who just want to be with
a man,
to have a family,
somebody to sponsor her, and she doesn't mind.
She's not even interested in such relationship. That's
a different story. Okay. But under regular circumstances,
that would be deception. You cannot hide it.
Yes. You cannot hide it. So to end
this point, if somebody was addicted to *,
which lately now research have shown that people
who are consumed by * could also
suffer from what is known now * induced
erectile dysfunction.
Is the man advice
advised to tell his potential spouse before the
marriage that he's addicted to * and that
he needs support and so on? This question
comes to me a lot, sir. We're talking
about a completely different story, which is a
person
who have complete dysfunction cannot even
function.
A person who's actually addicted to * is
on the other side. Why?
He
easily finds himself aroused. He has an eviction,
and he masturbates, and he relieves himself.
You know, but he does it in haram.
Okay? He needs counseling. He needs to be
treated, but he's functioning. And that's why he
has a desire
versus somebody who doesn't have the desire,
doesn't have the capacity.
So these are 2 different things.
Alright. So we move now to Can I
ask something? If if the this person who
is dysfunctional,
if he is getting help, Say for example,
you're married and you didn't know. Maybe a
guy I've come across a case where the
guy himself says, I didn't know I was
like this, but I've realized that I I'm,
you know,
out of order, basically.
So the question I posed to him is,
are you prepared to seek medical help? He
said, yes.
So his wife said, well I'm prepared to
give him 6 months to solve his problem.
That was very kind of her And he
he went to seek medical help and it
started helping him so they managed to salvage
the marriage. Now people looked at this woman
and said, how dare you break a marriage
just because this guy cannot
and she said look, I was told in
Islam, I have a right. Don't look down
on me. It's so difficult for families. The
next yeah. Yes. And then there is the
opposite. I don't know if you're gonna discuss
that. The vaginismus
problem that we have where it's not just
a man who has erectile dysfunction, there are
a lot of women out there who are,
who have a phobia of being intimate.
They just cannot be intimate. So the same
what we tell the guy, in those cases,
mostly you only find out after marriage. Right?
True. True. Right? So we tell the guy,
look,
go easy, be patient, seek help, seek counseling
and insha'Allah,
it's then up to you how long you
want to prolong it. I know people who've
prolonged it for some years.
And then when when everything was okay, they
are so happy and married and with children
and so on.
But other people cannot bear patience for more
than a few months. They'll say, listen, she
doesn't want me to be intimate with her.
What will I do? I need to save
myself from haram. I need to do something.
So Islam listen, these rules are not from
me. They're not from you or doctor Muhammad.
This is Islam. Islam allows you to say,
listen, you say I'm so sorry. We tried
to work it. I can't live with you
and unfortunately, we have to part ways. You're
not sinful. As a matter of fact,
you know, we're talking about when one of
the 2 spouses is having a major complaint,
But if both are okay with that, there
is no problem. Yes. Vaginismus for those just
who don't know what is the condition. So
this is usually a contraction of the muscles
where a woman experienced painful sexual intimacy
with her husband which makes her also hate
the whole relationship.
Yes. So I I have some cases where
the wife tells me that I I think
this whole process is very disgusting.
I would rather die
and not do it. So I say, but,
your husband have niece. She said, I don't
mind if he wants to get married. So
she actually presented the solution.
May Allah be pleased with her, or one
of the mothers of the believers.
She was the woman whom the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam married after Khadija died. She
was old already.
And now when the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam
grew older and he moved to Madinah and
he has younger wives,
so she said, look,
since
I don't have any need in this regard,
I'm giving my night
to Aisha.
So there was a mutual understanding. Hey. Keep
me as a wife, and I'm not interested
in this relationship, but I can give it
away to somebody else. So there is a
common understanding. No problem. The problem that we're
discussing,
if one of the spouses
have a complaint response. And the complaint
against the other spouse is causing a harm,
The messenger of Allah, peace be upon him,
said in the sound hadith,
harm should not be inflicted nor reciprocated.
So in case of a harm, like, you
know, we will assume that the man is
innocent,
naive, and he didn't know. Then there's something
called,
born with, where he can never actually have
an erection,
you know, or,
his * are very little.
It happens. May Allah,
help everyone. Amen. But if it happens, and
then on the night of consummating the marriage,
they both found out.
Said we'll give him 1 year.
To improve it. 1 year. Why? For the
4 seasons to pass by summer,
winter, fall, spring. Maybe it is emotional. Maybe
because it is a cold weather, the hot
weather.
And if he's not functioning,
in this case, we'll do fasch.
There is something called fasch, and there is
something called talaq, and there is something called
hola.
What if she says, I can't wait for
1 year?
Well, in this case, you have all the
right to demand divorce. If he refuses,
he can do
on.
It doesn't mean that you got stuck with
him for 1 year against your will. But
what the fuqaha suggested
under regular circumstances.
So now what what are the rights, responsibilities,
and roles of the wife
towards her husband when it comes to *
sexual intimacy? What do you mean?
Well, when it comes to sexual intimacy,
obviously, the man is getting married.
Like I said, one of the main purposes
also, he's going to look after his family.
There's gonna be reproduction for the sake of
Allah. If Allah wills, he's going to be
providing for her and so on. But regarding
this particular department,
she needs to make sure that she protects
him
from
going towards haram No. Because of her. So
what that means is some people will go
for haram no matter what you've given them
and what you've done for them. But if
it is a result of your action
or your refusal, for example, without any reason,
you would then be guilty in the eyes
of Allah of not fulfilling this man's rights
to the degree that you share
a part of his sin. Wow. Right? So
we won't say that you are guilty of
the crime, but you share a part of
the sin because
had he fulfilled
his
halal desire,
he would not have needed to even consider
haram. We're talking of And that's halal right
as well, not halal. Is that only It's
alright. It's alright. Correct. So this is why
a lot of the times nowadays you have
many feminists who talk and and it's open.
They say I don't need to be intimate.
What's the Well, in the eyes of Allah,
there is an issue. The reason is,
the reason is quite simple that this whole
issue of you getting married
and you know, they say tying the knot
is
in order to be able to do
certain things in a halal way.
If you are going to block that you're
defying the entire purpose
of the whole marriage, why did you get
married in the first place?
So you would be held liable in the
eyes of Allah. Similarly, if it was the
opposite way around,
women would cry foul to say, listen, this
guy is not satisfying me. We've had hundreds
of cases come to our he's not satisfying
me. This guy is like this, he's like
that, he's gay or whatever they say. End
of the day, we have to tell him,
hey, listen. You need to fulfill the rights.
Why is it that when it's the other
way around, we think it's okay? So he
needs to fulfill my rights, but I don't
need to fulfill his rights. What do you
mean? And that was my next question. Yeah.
It goes two ways. Yes. Habibi, it goes
two ways and this is such a topic.
People don't talk about it. So if there
is any woman out there who thinks that
I I just have a choice completely
in Islam,
fulfill the divorce? Before I answer this question,
I'd like to share with the viewers the
reason we came up with this edition
in this episode is
we have seen lot of extreme discussion
in this regard. On both sides? On both
sides.
So we figured that it is our duty
towards the To unpack.
Exactly. To unplug, to unpack, to explain to
them both spouses'
rights and obligations in this regard.
And Nabi
said that a woman should never say no
to her husband whenever he invites her to
bed. Why?
Basically,
what ignites the desire?
Because I go out.
I work and mingle with women.
A lot of women around wearing tight clothes,
yoga pants, and whatever.
And no matter how much I try to
lower my gaze, I'm
exposed to a lot of temptations. The prophet
said, go home.
When you go home and you satisfy your
sexual desire with your lawful spouse,
then they all become the same.
You know? After you finish eating,
what did you just eat? Well, I ate
cheese and bread. I ate cereal. But,
I'm full. Now they're serving rip ice steak.
While I'm full, I can't eat anymore. Why?
Because you're full.
Likewise.
So if you You remembered me, did you?
So likewise, once you enjoy your sexual relation
ignited.
And that's why It's quenched. Exactly. It's quenched.
And that's why we need to bring to
the attention of our beloved viewers.
It is not about sexual discharge.
It is not about hit or run.
I just gotta get get it done.
No. It's about
the love,
the compassion,
al Nawadah
or Rahma,
kisses,
hugs,
cuddling,
saying sweet words. They call it foreplay, by
the way. It is foreplay. Let me tell
you one thing.
One thing I discussed with you before. Sheikh,
we learned from you how to use how
to use these words. No. So the so
the basic idea is to fulfill each other's
design, not to care only about fulfilling your
own. Sexual, also the emotional part. The emotional
part. Yeah. Why? And then
the hadith is narrated by Ummah Salamah,
one of the prophet's wives. And she was
an older woman, but she still have needs.
And,
one day, she slid
out of bed.
So the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam called her
back and said, have you started your minces?
She said, yep.
And that's why she slipped away.
He said, come back. Just rub an I
zar around your waist,
around your waist and down.
And then they cuddled, they kissed, they hugged,
and they shared bed.
So this is permissible? Oh, no. No. Not
only permissible. Watch this.
Whenever a woman is in her PMS, on
her period, she is
much more in need than the man
whenever he's aroused.
And that's why she needs his support,
hugging, kissing, cuddling in in in bed even
though there is no sexual *. The romance.
Yeah. The romance.
Somebody would say, yeah, Anil, the prophet sallallahu
alaihi salam had already 9 wives.
I mean,
was it really like a pressing need that,
he has to tell,
or one of his wives to take off
the top and stay with the Izzar? I'll
tell you why. It wasn't
because of him
wanted to fulfill
his sexual desire because he have other wives.
It is because of satisfying
the needs of this wife who's gonna be
there for 7 days
in the PMS
experiencing
hormonal,
changes,
and she needs this
moral support. No. Needs that much romance.
So this is something that we advise
all men. You have to go an extra
mile. You have to think about it. Allah,
very very important point because families are being
destroyed because of this. Ma'am, listen to this.
When the man comes home and says, leave
everything in your hand. Come to the, come
to bed.
Hey, ma'am. What is wrong with you? I'm
cooking. Just take a bath quickly or the
perfume. Why?
He was about to commit haram or his
contempt.
Okay? So now you know that whenever there
is a person need, he need to fulfill
it in.
What about her?
What about her? Yeah. The thing is you're
vocal and you can talk about it, but
her shyness
will prevent her from bringing it up. So
you have to go an extra mile and
don't wait for her to express it. Take
the initiative.
Keep that in mind.
Even if you are tired, even if you're
exhausted,
you know, you have to be,
sensitive to her needs.
You know, another thing is regarding the the
build up to intimacy.
A lot of men,
the complaints we get, 2 major things. 1
is there is no build up, and 2
is he does his thing and he leaves
us high and dry, basically.
So what what is recommended even from an
Islamic perspective like doctor says, you the Muqaddimat,
that thing which leads up to the intimacy
is equally important.
To say good words, you know, to praise
even in the day. You look at your
spouse, it's just you and her and you
just say, wow, you're looking good. And the
other way too, a lot of women are
guilty of not admiring their husbands to their
faces.
And in this case, you can use, you
know, words that are not used outside. You're
looking hot, you know. How who can I
tell that to? A limited limited limited usage
of that word. So all these words are
very very important and the build up to
it. You don't just come in almost like,
you know. They talk about even after plano.
You see foreplay and after foreplay. After plan.
As a matter of fact, discuss this matter.
For instance That's what I was gonna say
that
if you have basically
Premature *. Yeah. You call it premature *
or if you have reached that point of
*,
the climax. Before the wife reach their climax.
Make sure that you you don't just, plug
out until she has also been satisfied.
It's a very important factor. A lot of
women a lot of women actually complain and
it's so hard for them to talk about
it, to say, you know what, What's there
in this? I mean, what did I get?
I I'm I've been married for so so
and you start thinking this guy needs help
and who's gonna help him because he's a
big man And big men don't like to,
to be told because there's a pride. You
know? The cash That's why always put yourself
in
your spouse's position.
Whenever you have needs, you call her.
Then you need to think about her needs
as well and do whatever it takes, medication.
There are some aphrodisiac
foods,
okay, which will stimulate you,
perfumes,
makeup, whatever, as long as you're using something
which is lawful.
You know, some people go,
to the extreme where they use what is
not lawful
in order to stimulate themselves or stimulate their
partners.
We have to put limits and understand that
haram is
haram. Obvious. Yeah. Like *. Some people want
to use * and they can spice up
to spice on that. Yeah. Absolutely forbidden. And,
subhan'Allah, the man will earn double the punishment
because he's in a charge for his wife,
and a man would allow himself
to share with his wife, the mother of
his kids,
his lawful wife,
to view something like that Then he's not
a man. Is not a man. Mhmm. He
is not a man. I don't wanna say
a term which is very vulgar, but he
is not a man. And the wife has
a right to say no in those in
those circumstances? The wife has the right to
divorce him Wow. If he insists on something
like that
because he is not a man, let alone
being a Muslim
and a righteous man. But, unfortunately, due to
the widespread
of the * materials,
easily accessible even on one's phone. Some people
think this way. And this is how the
divorce is ruined
because he wants his lawful spouse to act
and function like a prostitute.
She's not gonna do that. Why? Because she
haven't been there. She didn't see what you've
been seeing. She doesn't know what you're demanding.
So halal is halal and haram is haram.
Even in the sexual positions,
you know, what is lawful
is in the orifice where a woman would
conceive
and have a child.
But the real orifice,
100%
untouchable,
100%
is unlawful,
and it is haram.
Yes. We receive calls. Some sisters say in
private that
my husband is trying to convince me in
some
it is okay to do so. Let me
assure you 100%,
it is not mentioned anywhere by any Muslim
that this is lawful. It's filthy. It is
dirty. It is disgusting,
and it's a major sin which requires punishment
and a kafar. But excuse me, Anish Sheth
Mayani. Let me act here the what I
hear from. You know, let me be the
devil advocate. Okay? But what if the wife
is not in the mood here? And we
all have those
moves. So so no matter what we do,
you don't you don't forget this question.
Okay.
So so Because we wanted to see Can
I just before we speak about the mood,
one thing? Before I forget, please. Like, we
wanted to after we discussed about the mood
part, we wanted to see, what are the
conditions or what are the circumstances for which
a woman may actually say no according to
the Sharia?
Habibi, let me let me tell you one
thing.
There is a difference between a woman who's
been working hard all day or the son
didn't go to sleep or the baby, or
she was putting him or her to sleep,
and she's really exhausted. Or she's not well.
She's sick.
And and and she's not well. She's sick
and a woman who's trying to run away
from such relationship.
So she keeps coming up with excuses,
completely different conditions and cases. Sometimes they say
fix him. Don't sleep with him. Sometimes the
friends, they tell the wife of the guy
that fix him, don't sleep with him. Not
realizing she's actually
doing the wrong thing in the eyes of
Allah
because that's not how you fix, you know,
someone.
No. A woman doesn't have the right whenever
she's healthy,
whenever she's capable,
to avoid
sharing bed with the husband
or
if she is upset with him having a
misunderstanding
or the score to refuse sharing bed with
him. And we use the word sharing bed
to refer to the sexual relations.
If a woman does so,
then
by Allah, she is Allah is angry with
her. That is stated in the sound hadith.
Because
somehow,
she is
alluring him or inviting him to hold him
haram. And they might say, no. You know,
he must control himself. He must be this,
and why must he do that and why?
You just put yourself in his shoes for
a a little minute. And this is very
important to be able to fulfill each other's
rights. I think we we began by discussing
the woman's
right in disregard before the man. The man's.
Exactly. And to put yourself in his shoes,
and he should put your himself in your
shoes. Then this is that will solve all
the problems because
a man is wired differently from a woman.
The world can say what it wants, but
the wiring is different.
So the the thinking is different. The emotions
are different. Physically, there is a difference. So
many things are different. And yes, there is
a lot that is common. But in those
differences, you need to think that what does
she need? What or what does he need?
And why does he need it? And look
at this and so because you could be
solving you could be thinking you're solving a
problem
by abstaining, not realizing you're creating a bigger
problem.
So that's why when Allah says something is
haram, it's the mercy of Allah. People look
at the sheikhs and say, this guy here,
you know, he's, whatever, misogynist and he's like
this. In actual fact, when Allah has laid
a law or declared that this is haram
or this is punishable, there is always a
merciful reason behind it.
Always. So a lot of people in today's
world, they fall prey to what they watch,
what they see, a group of friends who
tell them things
and they don't realize that system is not
actually the system that your faith teaches you.
Whenever she refuses and she doesn't have a
valid reason. Mhmm.
If a woman is sick, if a woman
is experiencing
difficulty or hardship for whatever reason, that's a
valid reason.
But
she was
asking the husband for a diamond ring.
She wanted to go on a vacation
here and there.
Or go out with her friends for the
night? No. And and he said can't afford
it or he refused.
And now, honey, let's go to bed. She
says, no. Like, you know, you you refused
to give me what I wanted, so I
will refuse to give you what you needed.
This case, yes, the hadith is definitely applicable,
but it is not applicable when the woman
is sick. And that's why I said we
differentiate.
As a
husband, I know whenever my wife had a
tough day, I say let go this time.
You understand?
But
the cases that we receive all the time
when the wife doesn't want to,
she barely gives him this right. I mean
he struggles with it and he feels like
he was on a battlefield.
She's not interested.
In this case, Allah has given him a
way out.
But she is saying no
you cannot marry another woman.
I'm gonna report you. Go for my dead
body.
So it's like, you know, you want him
to be chast. You want him not to
marry other than you. And meanwhile, you're depriving
him from
the basic rights. Look.
A huge percentage of the church going people
in the states,
they say up to 60%.
They had outside marriage relationships.
The President of the United States
had a married relationship
with the intern in his office.
It happens. Why?
Maybe wife is busy. Maybe he is exposed
to exposed to a lot of fitan
and he doesn't have an access
to fulfill
this desire in a lawful fashion. If he
fulfilled it in a lawful fashion, he won't
even think about it again. So you need
to think about it this way. You wanna
preserve your marriage. You want to protect your
husband. You want to keep the integrity of
your family. You have to understand that there
are rights
and obligations, and they go both ways. And
one thing I wanna add is the relationship
between husband and wife should be so beautiful
that these things should be understood. Many marriages
in fact, let's be fair.
I think most of the marriages, they have
a good understanding to say, you know what?
The inter
the wife is not feeling well or she's
tired or she has a headache or there
is something or, you know, she you can
sense that maybe she's sad about something happened.
I mean, someone passed away, something. And so
there should be a good understanding where there
doesn't even need to be a deep discussion
about this. And normally,
that happens occasionally,
not on regular basis. Yes. And that happens
occasionally. But the understanding is so beautiful. In
fact, people actually know that, you know what?
I I,
they know their spouses without going into details.
So it's good to have such a beautiful
relationship that we don't even get to the
complaints that we receive to the war. All
of us
is simply the complaints that we normally
receive is
when,
when one of the spouses, mainly,
the wife,
is normally saying no no no for no
reason,
not showing a reason.
So in this case, the husband is upset.
The husband is looking for a way to
fulfill
this desire even in an unlawful,
fashion.
So as we speak about the the wife
have rights and the husband have to
take the initiative to fulfill those rights.
Likewise,
the wife should keep in mind that the
man have
rights, and those rights are very pressing,
very pressing.
So if she's not able to, honey, tonight,
I have migraine.
Would you please excuse me tonight? No problem.
At least we'll cuddle and give you rupee
or whatever.
But if it is something that habitual, every
night, every night, every night, you know, in
this case, it becomes really problematic. You know
in in counseling, when I counsel couples in
particular, where the husband is addicted to *
and the wife caught him in the act,
then the jealousy
factor becomes absolutely,
I mean, disturbing to the wife. What do
you mean the jealousy factor? Like now she
thinks that he's cheating on her. Okay. So
she wanted to be involved in every, you
know, aspect of his life including
satisfying him sexually.
And when when the wives joined the husbands
during the recovery, I have noticed the improvement
of the men.
So because now the the wives are really
offering 100 percent support in that area. But
I wanna say one thing, Habibi.
To be honest with you,
whenever one of the spouses,
which is mainly the husband,
is addicted,
no matter what the wife does,
she will never satisfy her
simply
because she's modest,
and she can never compete
with these prostitutes
and with the those who are in the
industry.
So that's
why we we we gotta keep in mind
that those who are
into this kind of addiction, they need treatment.
Yeah. They need counseling,
And this is not a matter of a
week or 2 or a month or 2.
This is a long term treatment It takes
a long time. In order to detox. Yeah.
I was just referring to the fact that
once the wife becomes really supportive in this
regards,
in in whatever way possible,
and of course, we we go through a
lot of treatment programs,
then the husband start to become at least
better than before in terms of addictive behavior.
You know the other way when when a
woman is addicted to *,
and a lot of the times you find
a man who
is
not on that path with her,
if he catches her basically or sees that,
he is less tolerant
by far of her,
misgivings
than
if it were the other way around. It
ended in divorce? It ends in divorce because
he just can't take it. So
it's a tough one because obviously as much
as we Allah, may Allah protect us. Yeah.
May Allah, may Allah protect us. As much
as we speaking about the rights of both,
but like I said, men are wired differently.
Say what you want, they are wired differently.
Yeah. Absolutely.
So the way a man processes things and
the way a woman processes this type of
thing
is very different. That's why we need to
Neither of them is wrong. But it's just
the way that they they process this type
of thing. That's why women will never
ever ever understand
why men do certain things
And men will never
ever understand why women do certain things except
by being told through revelation.
Honestly,
if it is mentioned in the Quran, this
is what a woman
deserves and you just have to surrender to
it, listen to it and understand that's Allah
the Maker is telling you, this is how
I made them, you better do this. And
this is how I made them, you better
not do that. Let's shopping.
Let's not forget about the power of supplication.
Wow.
Even with regards to the sexual relations,
Yani, the beautiful supplication in Surah Al al
Fakhan, which
is perceived as one of the traits of
the true
devout servants of the almighty Allahu Rahman.
They regularly pray.
What is?
Peace of mind, coolness of one's eyes, comfort?
Yes.
All of that also is applicable in the
condition of the sexual relations.
So when I say this dua, it's not
only about having a righteous spouse and a
goodly offspring,
but it covers every level.
An obedient
a very super nice husband,
can afford to take care of a family,
satisfying his wife in bed, and she satisfying
him in bed. They have common understanding.
When he comes home like he set his
foot in safe heaven, you know, this is
a havoc. He feels very happy. He can't
wait to get back home. That's why the
term
When I walk into my house, this is
heaven.
This is safe heaven.
The world outside
is like a wild zoo.
I can't wait to get home. Why? Because
I have a spouse whom Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala made her for me.
I have kids whom Allah made them for
me.
And Allah have made me for my wife
and my kids.
Like you say, safe haven. What a beautiful
word. What a beautiful word.
Yeah. So now we wanna shift to the
ethical
boundaries
regarding
sexual activities in Islam. Are there any prohibited
acts
that husbands and wives who are watching us
now should be careful
when it comes to intimate relations? One thing
that is undisputedly
disallowed in Islam is * penetration.
That's one thing that Islam disallows completely and
there is no difference of opinion among Ahlus
Sun or Jama'ah in this regard. So that
is undebated
in the circles in in in for Muslims
actually. And the sisters are allowed to say
no because there is no any obedience
to any created being on the account of
disobeying Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. In fact, if
that is happening, you can end up nullifying
that marriage.
You can end you can go and and
get it nullified. You you could do that
because that is a major thing.
You know what?
I'm just thinking right now that there is
a person need to speak about divorce in
a separate
lengthy,
not one episode, maybe multiple episodes.
Because,
divorce sometimes
is perceived as no. No. No. No. No.
This is similar to death, but it could
be a solution sometimes like in your case.
When the man is saying, if you don't
do this, I'm going to commit adultery. I'm
going to have
a do as you wish. I'm not gonna
I'm not gonna gonna disobey Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala, watch * with you, or give you
an access to the real office in order
to satisfy your ill and sick desire,
you know, even if it comes to divorce.
So I had a case where there was
a guy like this.
And,
he there came a point when he started
beating his wife and she built the courage
to tell the family that this is what
has happened. They got me involved in that.
And, the guy
when I when I spoke to him, he
was so angry and defensive and he told
me,
she's still my wife and I am demanding
my right of intimacy
to her now.
And if you are a true scholar, you
will tell her not to deny me my
right. But they were on the verge of
breakup and divorce because of something that has
been happening for a while and it was
so crazy and his physical abuse,
so many other forms of abuse and whatever.
So in that particular case, when the wali
and the father is now involved and the
families are involved, she doesn't she can actually
say, look, this marriage is almost terminated
and I'm not going to, you know, give
myself. Because his idea, according to her,
at this point, he just wanted to make
her pregnant.
And he said, so that she
will, you know, it changes the whole
divorce thing
once there is a child involved. Not to
say that it's we were talking about it
earlier today with you
when we were going down somewhere
that some people, they say, let's stay together
for the kids. That's a topic on its
own. Yes. You know? But
some men like to use this when they
know that they are nailed.
They want to impregnate so that they can
hold. So in that particular case other way
around. Yeah. Or the other way around. Yeah.
Seek help from the scholars to know the
ruling in your particular case because there could
be just an exemption for this
while the discussion is hot about divorce.
And you know what? There is a hadith
in this regard.
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam has said, how
could a husband abuse his wife physically or
beat her?
And then he demands her to sleep with
her. Yes. There is called make love. Mhmm.
You know, how could you abuse your spouse,
upset him or her, beat him or her,
and say, let's have *?
Yes. That's very important.
This is taking into consideration
the emotions of the person to a degree
in this particular way. So you're using it
as a tool of hate, not of love.
Yeah. Usually,
intimacy is a tool of love, expression of
love. Here, it's a punishment. It's like hate
because you know you know what's going on
here. And you can't just come and impose.
So in that particular instance, there there are
rules and regulations we need to become acquainted
with.
Desires are something, like,
very broad. Like, when we say to satisfy
him or to satisfy
her, to what extent
people will go beyond the satisfaction? Because sometimes
they say, she never satisfied me. You know?
What do you mean by that? Let let
me tell you one thing.
The sexual relationship is something that you do
not need to learn about or you do
not require an education.
Basically,
our parents,
grandparents,
great great grandparents
never heard about sexual education. Come on. But
all what we hear about nowadays is simply
due to the widespread of the poor materials.
That becomes the primary education. And that's why
I say no matter what a decent, just
wife would do
to please a husband
who serves
and watch his *, she will never satisfy
him.
Why? Because she not she cannot compete with
the filthy girls and what they do. And
that's why this is where counseling steps in.
Because a counselor will be able to detect
from the first sight
what is happening. Mhmm. So you will take
the husband on the side or the wife
aside and discuss with them whether they have,
you know, some sort of addiction,
whether they have been watching this or that,
and what makes them reach their climax
in order to to to to close the
gap between the couple. Sometimes,
it is not,
it is not something that you can close.
It is so wide. The gap is so
huge. Why?
Because somebody went so far, so extreme
in the sexual
imaginary,
because of watching whatever. So in this case,
you cannot demand from the wife, in this
case particularly
Quite like a * star. She would never.
And one quick thing mentioning counseling, very important.
But if you go to the wrong counselor,
they can send you up the wrong tree.
I know of people who've gone to, you
know, those who don't know the deen of
Allah. Muslim counselors
or secular counselors. And they have told them,
oh, but there's nothing wrong in this. There's
nothing wrong in it. Yeah. Just enjoy it.
It's fine.
Both of you both of you could actually
watch something to arouse you together. There was
some someone, astaghfirullahalabim,
but one guy actually told me that the
counsellor suggested they involve a third party in
their They do. And this is what they
do. This is unplugged as usual. Yeah. I
I got a shock. I said, you know
what? I can't believe this. So this guy
said, no. That's what they told me. They
said that to add this and that and,
you know,
And you know, we thank Allah. Allah has
kept it in Ibadah.
As much as it's intimacy, you're going to
enjoy. You know, you might lose yourself in
that moment with the right person.
Alhamdulillah,
it's an act of worship.
May Allah
strengthen all of us. May He keep us
on the straight and narrow.
May He forgive our shortcomings.
May He make us chaste and clean people.
And may He
allow us to nurture children who will also
be, inshaAllah, on the straight and narrow. And
may we invest
in our families in such a big way
that we see the fruits of it by
the help of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. Have
we forgot have we forgotten any any rights,
responsibilities,
roles regarding section? Maybe you can have another
episode. Let's see the feedback from this one.
The feedback and the questions. So, basically,
our dear viewers,
this episode
is not to be a trend.
How many millions will get to watch it?
The mashaikh are talking about taboo and inner
penetration
and and Wallahi, it is for the sake
of Allah. Actually, it took us a while
to come up with
this to say, let's sit and record it
because
it's difficult to strike that balance between,
you know, like I say feminism and misogynism.
And like I say this extreme and that
extreme, the people who don't have it at
all and those who go wild and start
doing things that are really,
beyond what Allah has
laid down. It was very difficult but with
that, we hope that there has been benefit.
Guess what? Let me share something with you.
We started,
our very first episode
or session of Unplugged
a year ago, and it was here in
Indonesia.
And and now
as we commemorate the remembrance of the first
episode,
I'd like to tell you that every single
time
that we record an episode of Unplugged,
we have no clue what we'll be talking
about. Yes. What will be addressed? We say,
and then we'll start. Questions today, but we
are very clear. Except in this episode. As
I said, it was as a result of
seeing
2 extremes, too many extremes
online,
misleading people sometimes
in the name of religion, in the name
of, feminism, in the name of whatever,
the rights of this or that. And that's
why we decided this is our duty towards
the Muslim community.
And,
whenever we receive your feedback
and we also receive your questions, we'll be
more than happy to have another edition or
a follow-up session, inshallah. I thought of one
quick thing. Okay. And it's it's it's literally
something that's explosive. It's explosive. Okay. Let's do
that.
You and I know that homosexual acts are
haram in Islam. No. Right?
And nothing will change that until the day
of Qiyamah.
If someone is gay,
they should own up and they should not
destroy someone's life by marrying them just for
the sake of their parents. This is where
marriage becomes
Haram. Haram. Because
there are so many cases of people who
are,
that way. And you know what?
One is dealing with that. But 2 is
why punish someone else's child just because your
parents or your family or the culture or
you just want to show the social reason
that I have a trophy wife and you've
never ever touched her. And this is why
it is a red flag If you are
married, go out on honeymoon, come back and
the guy has not yet attempted
to engage in sexual relations. That is a
red flag. In fact, it's a huge flag.
So you need to be
bold enough to tell your folks, listen, this
guy hasn't touched me. And the folks will
probably figure out something's wrong, and then they
can take it from there. If need be,
you can get out of the marriage very
early on in it. I told you, brothers
and sisters, including the parents,
they need also education in the cigar. I
was gonna lie. I was gonna lie. Lot
of sisters a lot of sisters come and
complain to us. So when they say,
what about your parents? What about your mom?
She says, I've been talking to them and
say, just be patient.
Be patient for what? Pastor. The man is
not a man. The husband is not a
man, but the parents
look at him as,
you know, having a decent job, good position,
driving a nice car. So they asked their
daughter to be patient
in this kind of operation.
They, aw, Allah, he blame.
As we say, to be continued,
Once we receive your feedback
and your questions, we'll be more than happy
to face another session. Oh. Insha'Allah. There is
a lot to talk about. We should have
insha'Allah. I don't know when would be the
next time to meet inshallah.
Is it?
May Allah. I think we're going to Zanzibar
inshallah. Yes. Well, in about a month or
2 inshallah.
That means the next session will be in
the forest, in the wildlife.
In what life, Sheikh?
But what we spoke about might be,
might appear to some people as really confronting
because of the taboo
nature that we spoke about earlier, but it
is absolutely necessary and there is no shyness
about it. Guess what? Guess what?
If you feel offended, turn it off. Don't
watch this episode.
Watch watch.
Watch the,
virtue of fasting, voluntary fasting.
Watch any of our, you know, we we
have.
But I can tell you something very interesting
is
like you say, it's not confrontational.
It's not attacking anyone. It is the Islamic
balance
that Allah has blessed us with. Allah tells
you, listen.
We created you. We know what you need.
So this is the balance. Wait a minute.
Shall we, label it 18 plus?
No. It's okay. You know, nowadays, people Yeah.
No. No. For for kids. No. I think
on on the topic on the topic itself.
It's not made for kids. It's normally that's
that's the way. But married couples. But I
wanna tell you something.
The kids today, the age of 8 9,
they already know more than what we spoke
about today. We spoke already about And then
10, 12, 14 in some countries, only Allah
knows what goes on. And if we were
to if we were to liberate 18 plus,
it will be watched mainly by under 18.
Yes. Yes. The law protects us, oh, wala.
The intention is
to educate our brothers and sisters because as
I mentioned earlier, these issues destroy marriages. Even
though there is no divorce sometimes, but the
marriage itself is dead. Lot of oppression, lot
of dharma and justice. May Allah guide us
all on the true path and enable us
to practice Islam to the best of
I want to look at the camera and
say to all the spouses out there, please
go out of your way
to ensure that you have fulfilled the rights
of your spouse in this regard. Go out
of your and make sure you invest in
this relationship. That's that's better? Yes. And it
will blossom. It will really blossom. Many people
invest outside.
Invest in and see what happens. It will
change your whole life and you become a
person who enjoys all other Ibadah because you
are fulfilling it for the sake of Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala and being considerate
of the other party. Either way, may Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala grant ease and goodness and
may Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala bless you brother
Sheikh Wa Ibrahim.
Allah grant you goodness.
Assalamu alaykum. Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi. We'll talk
to you soon from
Africa.