Mufti Menk – The Problamatic Daughter-in-Law

			Salam Alaikum. Today I want to speak about the daughter in law, the negatives at times. And please
listen to this because people say you don't talk about it. That's not true. I do. At times you have
a marriage. As I said, previously, people are happy. Everyone's excited, the marriage happens. And
here comes the beautiful daughter in law into the home, she comes if she were to come Subhanallah,
with a bad mouth, screaming, yelling, shouting, swearing, abusive. And just being a big boss, trying
to change the entire home and house and trying to take the child away from the parents, because now
that's my husband. And that's it. My beloved child, my dear sister, Subhana, Allah, as much as
		

			that's your husband, those are his parents, try to be respectful, try to understand them, let's have
a beautiful relationship, try to be a person who fits in to the system. And yes, if adjustment is
required, you can make an adjustment and so can he and so can a few of the others, but a little
adjustment here, and they nobody minds, especially when it is appreciated. And when it's not
demanded with a big fast that's made. Because of that. Let's try to be more respectful. Imagine
someone comes into the home. And next thing, everyone starts fighting because of that person.
		

			That's not good enough. When we enter a home, we should be complementing what's happening in that
home in terms of good, we should be fitting in in a nice way as best as possible. And yes, you are
entitled to your separate quarters. That's something that everyone knows. But even if you have your
separate quarters, you cannot deny your husband, his relationship with his parents. Sometimes I do
know parents overdo it. In fact, I will speak about a problem that we've been facing of late where
some of the sons are so close to their mothers that even during moments where she's not dressed
appropriately, etc, they would still go in and sit with her. And recently I heard of someone who
		

			actually stopped her love,
		

			sleeps with their own mother in the same bed. And that's wrong. SubhanAllah that is wrong. I mean,
you're an adult, man, you're not supposed to be doing that. Even though that's your own mother, and
she's a murderer. But that's, that's more harm than anything else. May Allah subhanho wa Taala
forgive us. So that having been said on one hand, the other, what we need to realize is, please
Humble yourself. I've said this so many times, it's not impossible.
		

			When you're getting married, you're gonna have to sacrifice I think one of the biggest sacrifices
ever, is getting married. Sometimes it's a bit less because of the easygoing people you're married
into. But at times, people who came across easy going during your days when you still didn't marry
are not really so easy going once you've married because everything changes they expect from you
certain things. And you know what, you're not going to just sit back and relax as you did in your
father's home, you're going to have to get up and do some work, but let it be balanced. I've spoken
in the past about abusing the daughters in law, but now I want to speak about how sometimes the
		

			daughters in law expect so much. And it's not fair, who's going to do the work, who's going to do
the cleaning, who's going to do everything, you need to talk about it, because if nobody's going to
do it, then you're just going to be living in a sty Subhan Allah who had Allah Subhana Horta, Allah
protect us, some countries people can afford a helping hand, other countries they cannot. In some
circumstances, people could afford more than others. But remember, when we get married, there needs
to be the preparedness for sacrifice on all sides, and adjustment on all sides and respect on all
sides. And inshallah in that way, we would definitely be able to have a much better home by the will
		

			of Allah subhanho wa Taala. If you're accustomed to sleeping up to 1011, every single day, when you
marry, that's going to change in most cases, in most cases, it's going to change, you're going to
have to get up at six, five, you're supposed to have gotten up for Salah anyway. So if you're used
to sleeping after that sometimes you may marry and after that you won't have sleep after Salat and
budget for whatever the reason may be. So try and understand this my brothers and sisters
		

			and in sha Allah in this way, we will definitely be able to build a much better home. And we would
learn to respect each other sacrifice for each other sacrifice for family members. It doesn't mean
that your mother in law is a bad person. She is not necessarily a bad person. Most mothers in law
out there are actually lovely individuals. They're lovely people. You need to learn to win the
hearts of others both ways in Sharla and
		

			respect each other, help each other, treat each other. Like you belong to each other. So, Hannah, so
Hannah, like just the thought of it must be really difficult upon some, but inshallah is good
advice. It's good advice, try to resolve your matters. And don't carry tails from here to there.
Because sometimes if you're going to say everything that has happened in your in your husband's
house, back to your own home, you might confuse your family they may not know they may process it
wrongly they may think it's bigger than it actually is. But if there is a problem, yes, you need
help. And if you need that help, get it and the best people to get it from your family. We are Allah
		

			Subhana Allah to Allah bless every one of us and grant us beautiful homes. Apolo Kali hava was Salam
aleikum wa rahmatullah bucket.