Mufti Menk – Should we stay together for the sake of the Children

			Assalamu Aleikum? Should we stay together in a marriage that has broken down? Simply because we have
children? So for the sake of our children, we're going to stick together? Well, that's a very good
question. There are pros and cons. Let's look at the pros. People think that perhaps if we stay
together, the children will have both parents, father and mother. And so it's going to be better for
them. And their upbringing? Well, if you cared for the children, so much, you would solve your
problems, you would become a better person, you both would become better people, you would look at
what the issue was and resolve it, because what is the point of staying together for the children,
		

			when every day those children are going to see mother and father yelling at each other, swearing
each other, there is no love there, no respect. They're the worst words abusive relationship and the
relationship that is not ideal at all very far from ideal, in fact. So what happens is, the circle
continues, and the cycle actually continues, that child is going to grow up and perhaps one day Mary
and think that the way my mum and dad treated each other is how I should be with my spouse. And so
they begin once again. And then the next couple stay together because of the children and the
following couples stay together because of the children. So if you notice, I've never come across a
		

			narration of the province of Oz sallallahu alayhi wasallam, or any verse of the Quran that says you
should stay together because of the children, if the marriage has broken down beyond repair,
		

			if you've tried everything, and I'm not encouraging people to just divorce, but you have to try and
resolve problems, when you have them, you have to learn to forgive, you have to learn to give a
chance or two to people. But there does come a point when it becomes unbearable. In that particular
case, it may be in the best interests of the children for you to separate so that the children can
grow up with a beautiful, loving, caring upbringing in an environment that is filled with love, no
swear words, no abuse, no hate, no crying every day, no tantrums and so on. So if we think about the
children, we probably would separate because of the children. So in my opinion, there is no point in
		

			staying together because of the children when there is no common factor, you'd rather separate and
inshallah, you need to have a big heart because when you do have children, don't deny them access to
the other parent, and the custody needs to be done fairly. And at the same time, we must participate
in the lives of our children in a very constructive way. Remember, when the children watch us, and
when they see us, they will replicate that so many people have problems today because they don't
know how to live their parents didn't never lived that exemplary life for them to be able to learn
from so many people struggle because the only thing they know is you get married, you got to scream
		

			at your spouse, you got to yell you got to stop Rola sometimes be abusive, whether it's physically,
emotionally or whatever other way it is. You've got to always be fighting about things. That's what
they think marriage is all about. But if we were to separate, we probably would like Allah says in
the Quran. We're at da da da da yo Manila.
		

			Sir, it was canon law who was in an Hakeem. If the two separate in divorce the spouses, Allah will
provide for both of them with his virtue, His mercy, with the goodness that he has. And Allah says
he is very broad, encompassing in his wisdom, and he is all wise at the same time, and all
encompassing in his virtue sapan Allah. So Allah is promising that if you were to divorce, it's not
the end of the world. He will provide for both for as long as you're respectful. You know, we didn't
get along in marriage. Why should we allow each other to fight after the divorce has taken place? We
divorced because we wanted to stop fighting. Some people only start fighting after the divorce in in
		

			real sense, in the real sense. May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us and guide us. So the point I
wanted to raise today is very important. Sometimes for the sake of the children you have to separate
in order to provide the children a better upbringing in order to break the circle is a vicious cycle
sometimes, and people for generations have been witnessing what their parents are doing. And they do
the same thing. And if what their parents were doing was wrong, you can imagine what they're
replicating, they would actually perfect the art of oppression.
		

			hurt and you know, usurping the rights and abuse. So my brothers and sisters you love your children,
give your spouse a chance indeed, try to solve the matter, solve the problem, try again inshallah,
and the matter will be resolved. Because definitely It is best for children to have both parents but
when the relationship between the parents is toxic when you've tried everything when you've reached
the end of the road, remember don't just hang in there for the sake of the children. That is an
excuse that is never in the Quran or the Sunnah. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us a deep
understanding. And may we be those from among those who can provide goodness for our children and a
		

			good upbringing so that one day they can grow up into beautiful Muslim men and women who would be an
asset to their families, their communities, and the globe at large. jazza como la calle akula Cali
hada sallallahu ala nabina Muhammad wa salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.