Mufti Menk – Secret of a Successful Marriage – The Tongue

			Salam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu
		

			Bismillah R Rahman Rahim Al Hamdulillah who is the who was Allah Allah who was salam ala Baraka
Allah. May Allah be a badger, who was early, he was so happy he was sending
		

			my brothers, my sisters. Today we will be witnessing the official creation of two marriages known as
Nika. In the Arabic language,
		

			it's important for us to pick up one or two points from the point is raised by Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam in order for it,
		

			to serve as a means of reminder for us all regarding some of the rules, regulations, some of the
etiquettes some of the rights etc.
		

			So today I've chosen to speak about something very important that is repeated in what is known as
hot but will have
		

			hot but will hija is
		

			the short, concise, powerful reminder delivered by the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam very
often.
		

			And he was made up of verses of the Quran, and then some of his beautiful words.
		

			Whenever a Nikka has been officiated,
		

			we recite the three verses.
		

			In each one of them, the primary reminder is that of the consciousness of Allah
		

			Taku Allah, if you remember ALLAH, throughout your life, and you're conscious of him, conscious of
the day, you're going to go back to him, and you're going to present your account or the account of
your deeds, what can go wrong?
		

			Because if you falter as a human being you quickly make amends, you quickly come back to what is
right. This advice is not only for husband and wife, but for every single one of us.
		

			As a human being, if you make a mistake, you make an error or blunder or you do something, perhaps
that might not have been the best way of doing things quickly. Learn to apologize, learn to come
forth and make amends, learn to seek forgiveness, not only from those whom you've wronged, but from
Allah subhanho wa Taala primarily, because you know, I have to go back to my Lord, He made me I'm
going to answer to him.
		

			And this is why if you look at it, yeah, are you
		

			sure telco rockbank, home oh people, be conscious of your rub your Lord who made you who provides
for you who's in control of your life who has chosen for you decided things predestiny is obviously
from Allah. We know, in man's hands there is only a limited capacity given by Allah allowed by
Allah. Develop your relationship with the same Allah he's one he is alone. He controls not just your
life, but your death and beyond everything.
		

			So oh, people be conscious of Europe. The next verse? Yeah. Are you Halloween? tangkula just the
first part of it. I'm reciting. Oh, you who believe notice the difference? The first verse was old
people addressing everyone. The second verse is old people meaning Oh, you who believe the first one
oh people, the second one. Oh, you who believe now it is specialized. It is reported that a true
believer whenever he or she hears Oh, you who believe immediately opens his ears is alert wants to
know because they feel they're from amongst them. When you hear the verse of the Quran, yeah, you
have Medina Amanu. Do you just allow it to sail past? Or do you feel it's for you? Well, it is for
		

			you and I because we are believers. So develop that when you hear that you should smile, Allah is
addressing you and I and you should listen to what is being said it Akula aapke Tokachi be conscious
of Allah or develop the correct relationship with Allah improve in your relationship with Allah
		

			in the way that you should. So that's the second verse. The third one? Yeah, are you Lavina tangkula
Oh, you who believe be conscious of Allah. Imagine. They say in these three verses, the issue of
consciousness of Allah is repeated four times. What does that mean?
		

			Not just in marriages, as I say, although it is of prime importance. Be conscious of Allah. You're
getting married to someone.
		

			And that person is the child of someone. And they have a family and they have a loving family and
they've been treated with kindness and goodness throughout their lives. Treat them in the same
		

			Allah if not better way, May Allah help us.
		

			So,
		

			the point that is of utmost importance is the last part of the third verse worku cow hula
		

			Sadie
		

			and utter that which is studied, studied means upright. Do not say a single word out of turn out of
tune. You're a believer, woman can or you may know biller he will yeah women are very familiar can
hire on only a smart whoever believes in Allah and is truly bothered about the Day of Judgment will
either utter beautiful good words or remain silent. There's no third option. You can't say a bad
word from your mouth. Do you know Maha dibny job a lot of the Allahu Anhu sitting in the
companionship of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam amongst them. And the Prophet
sallallahu wasallam spoke about how important it is to control the tongue and he says unluckily
		

			Sunak control the tongue.
		

			Imagine the best of creation telling people who are better than you and I they were amazing the
Sahaba of the Allahu unknown. It's wrong for us to say a single name from their names without saying
may Allah be pleased with them. That's how great they were in rank Allah chose them.
		

			And why didn't ejabberd says
		

			our in Sedona be mana Kulu ya rasool Allah. I mean, we're only saying it we're not doing it. Are we
responsible for what we've said? When obviously what he meant is We only say it we've only said
something we didn't really do anything. I didn't slap you. I only told you you're stupid. For
example, right?
		

			He says the key Let's go mukaiyama Alia KUBU NASA Allah mana theory him fanatee ilaha duel Cena to
him. He says What are you talking about Oman? The people who will be burning in hellfire will they
be burning in Hellfire for any other reason besides their tongues? Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar,
Allahu akbar. That is serious. What that means is, the people of hellfire will be roasting in
hellfire because of the abuse through their tongues, my brothers, my sisters, this is a reminder a
very strong reminder for myself to begin with. And then for all of us, what your tongue
		

			the tongue in marriage will make or break it the tongue in a relationship will make or break it your
own children. Watch how you talk to them. Think carefully. The Quran tells you to say beautiful
words Kulu Cowell and, Sadie when you utter beautiful straight words, whether it's to your workers,
or to your own family, your wife, your parents, your brothers, your sisters, your in laws, your
spouse, whoever it may be, Allah says, you slit lecom Malecon, by virtue of you using beautiful
words, your smile, your deeds, your acts of worship become pure, purified, good and acceptable.
Which means if you don't want your tongue, you're wasting your time with everything else. Because
		

			even if you made Salah, the reward of that Salah goes to the people you swore you abused, you
belittled you hurt, watch your tongue speak with love. Didn't Allah give you a brain before you
talk? Think what am I saying? How can I say it? This is my brother, this is my son. This is my
daughter. This is my sister. This is my wife. This is my husband. This is My in law, father or
mother in law, whoever it may be, this is my whoever else it might those who work for you think
carefully. Allah gave me a brain. I want to tell this person that what you did was wrong. Firstly,
Don't raise your voice. Secondly, use your brain before you open your mouth. That's what Allah is
		

			telling you. That's what Muhammad Sallallahu said, let me say choose the best words, my beloved. You
know what, perhaps there's a better way of doing this. Allahu Akbar, have you thought about it? You
when you talk to your children like this, you empower them. They want to listen to you because
you're loving.
		

			You can stroke the head of a little child and say you know what, don't do this. someone breaks a
glass someone does somebody scream like the world came to an end. That was from Allah. It was
designed before you were born that glass was going to break you could have done nothing about it.
What was of importance was your reaction, not the action. The action was a mistake forgiven. Your
reaction was not a blunder. It's you see the difference?
		

			A child will do things no problem speak with love. Be patient empower the child. Many children are
scared of parents why? Because the parent is yells shouts screams beats up warns threatens those
children will have a developmental issue as they grow older because they are so frightened of
everyone in any
		

			Hang around, they start doing things behind the backs of people. The minute they get an opportunity,
the wrong is done behind the back. Why? Because in front of your face, they couldn't even do the
right thing. You just shouted there was they were never correct. Some of us we like to be
perfectionists. What does that mean?
		

			People around us are never correct. They are always wrong. My brother, my sister, you are not the
only person in existence. You're not the only one. Everyone thinks differently. They're made with
different capacities, different brains. Learn to understand learn to be tolerant, learn to let
things happen, not your way for as long as it's halal permissive, let it be no problem. People will
make dua for you. You grow older and people will love you. They will come to play with you as
grandchildren. Sometimes what might happen no one wants to see your face because you know what? You
were too hard on everyone. No. Don't worry and apologize. Never mind. It's okay. I'm sorry. I was
		

			very hard on you. No problem. Forgive me. You know what it was my human weakness? No. Alhamdulillah.
My brothers, my sisters. Do you know
		

			that when Allah tells us to watch the tongue to speak straight, he tells us after that if you are
going to do that,
		

			as a result of the taqwa law, which means the consciousness of Allah and the correct utterances, he
says, usually hella calm and Malcolm, the rest of your deeds become acceptable, pure good. Way Out
of fear Allah calm, Vinoba calm and automatically, Allah forgives your sins. Why? Because I'm
worried about how I speak to other people. So Allah forgives you, because who created those other
people?
		

			You know, when you're giving your daughter in marriage, one of the concerns is, how are they going
to treat her? Obviously, she's brought up in a different home, we'll have differences, et cetera.
The question is, how are they going to treat her
		

			the only worry and concern let them treat her with respect. If they treat her with respect and vice
versa. Automatically, you have a better relationship with Allah. Because it's an instruction of
Allah. You have a better relationship with Allah. And if you have a better relationship with Allah,
you enjoy your Ibadah I mean, salah I don't have a gripe with this one or that one Mashallah. They
be full of love. Everything is good. We enjoy our Ibadah when you enjoy your Ibadah you are calm,
everyone around you is calm, the family is calm. When families come communities come everyone is
good. Mashallah. Because we respect each other. We speak with goodness with respect, may Allah grant
		

			us that goodness. So my brothers, my sisters, Allah says, Wait, I'm feeling like Hulu backup. Do you
know what he says thereafter? Amazing. We hear the verses, but we need a small explanation. Why am I
here to learn how Rasulullah who falcoda 5000 alim, whoever follows Allah and His Messenger has
indeed succeeded the great success. Now following Allah and His Messenger is a whole lifetime
sallallahu alayhi wasallam
		

			it's a lifetime. Notice it rotates around tako Allah development of your relationship with Allah.
And then it is said at the end of the verse where the tongue is mentioned, and the utterances are
mentioned.
		

			You know, the animals when they communicate, they just make that sound. You don't understand Allah
says in Ankara, ASWAT la sound to the Hamid, the most detested of sounds, the sound of a brain
donkey.
		

			And then we're taught don't scream and yell at each other. Because why you start sounding like that
donkey. That's why no one understands what you I yell, we yell at our own kids. Imagine you yell at
your own brothers and sisters, your family members. You know, it's amazing because if we look at the
issue of talking, speaking, your connection with Allah is closely related to how you address the
rest of the creatures have the same Allah He made them just like He made you how you talk to them
determines how your Ibadah is actually
		

			acceptable in the eyes of Allah. From one angle.
		

			May Allah Almighty grant us goodness, the Sahaba of the Allah who were taught and trained by the
best of the best, the best of creation, the most noble of all messengers sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam.
		

			One day there was a companion, being harsh and hard on one of those who was working for him.
		

			And the Prophet sallallahu wasallam tapped him on his shoulder. He was shocked. He was embarrassed
because the messenger peace be upon him was behind and he saw how this companion was
		

			Treating the one working for him
		

			at that time asleep.
		

			It doesn't mean just because you own him or you pay his salary, that you have the right to abuse not
at all. Your Eman and your connection with Allah is closely determined to how you treat them and
everyone else. So, as he looks back, the Prophet SAW Selim uttered the word in fact he uttered it
before he looked back and then he looked back and noticed. He says,
		

			Allah has greater authority and control over you than you have over this man.
		

			Which means you're trying to abuse Do you know what Allah may do to you as a result of what you just
did now? Allahu Akbar. So Allah is watching they work for you. If Allah wants the tables can turn.
How many of us have seen how people do children work for those
		

			who used to work for the fathers or pale grandfathers have those same children? Tables turn?
		

			How will they treat them? Come down? You die being known as a man who's conscious of Allah beautiful
o'clock. Your children will take a page from it.
		

			And others at least they will treat you well.
		

			As a result of that. This man's father was a great man salaam aleikum. How are you? May Allah grant
your father Jana and so on? That's what happens. But if we are rough, they will be super happy the
day they hear we died so and so died and other than in alila the first word Alhamdulillah oh sorry,
wrong dua in alila. That's what happens because why we were a pain man. Come on, let's not be that
may Allah Almighty bless all of us. May He grant us goodness, may he help us protect our tongues may
he guide us so that we can speak to complete that hadith? The Sahabi he was so embarrassed he says,
Oh messenger I free the slave for the sake of Allah. He was worried. Worried that word Allah is
		

			gonna catch me man, Allah will catch me. I think all of us can do better when it comes to the tongue
myself included, we can do better inshallah. And like I say, it is of interest to note that these
verses are repeated during Nica as a reminder, like I said, part of what but will have very
interesting to note, because it is said 90% of problems are connected to the way the tongue is used.
didn't use it correctly. You're either swore How can you utter a swear word knowing that the angels
are writing it down? Big big words, angels are writing the day you are conscious of the fact that
the angels are writing that word doesn't come out and if it does, because of human error as you're
		

			trying to eradicate that addiction to swear words. Then immediately turn back to Allah seek
forgiveness from the person do not be shy to go up to someone and say my brother, you know, I feel
so bad I spoke roughly to you the last time please forgive me. I'm worried about my grave.
		

			I'm worried about meeting with Allah, then inshallah we would be able to achieve a May Allah
Almighty grant all of us Jana Akula Kohli ha ha sallahu wa salam ala Nabina Muhammad