Mufti Menk – Save Your Daughter!

			Assalamu alaikum We are very excited when we have children. And the girl child, the Prophet Muhammad
peace be upon him says, if you have one, two or three girls and you look after them, you give them a
good upbringing, you get them married to good people, Allah will grant you paradise in return for
taking care of those girls. Amazing. The same is not said about boys. One might ask today we're
speaking about save your daughter. Why don't we say save your son? Well, there's a simple reason
what I'm about to speak about happens more to the girls than to the boys. So after marriage, your
daughter then is abused, is harassed, is tormented. She is punished for no reason. She is penalized
		

			her life is made * she is disrespected. And she is suicidal, on the brink of taking her own life
simply because nobody is helping her. The husband does not speak to her with respect does not
communicate with her. The in laws are being so difficult. The in laws are not understanding the
disrespect, they are expecting too much from her. They have kept her in such a way that she's become
unhealthy. She cannot eat, she cannot drink she cannot sleep. And she is consumed by her thoughts.
She is struggling with her mental health. And yet you are not helping her. What type of Paradise
would we like as parents, if we don't stand up for our daughters? I'm not saying that they're always
		

			right. But if you get to a point where your daughter's mental health is being affected, or she's
being tortured by her in laws, or by her husband, and she is finding it unbearable? Yes, I do know
we are taught primarily to look at the matter and try and solve it and resolve it. When it gets to a
certain point. There is no harm in seeking divorce and in helping our child not making her feel bad.
She won't be the first person going through a divorce. And she will never be the last one either. So
we need to know there comes a certain point when you have to defend your own child. Remember, who
does that innocent child have? I normally tell the men or the in laws, who scream and yell at
		

			someone else's daughter? Do you know what you're doing? This person has a brain that is sacred. This
person has a life that is sacred. This person has lineage that is sacred Subhanallah these are given
by Allah, you're standing right next to them screaming at them, yelling at them, Do you not have
fear of Allah? Are you swearing at them? Subhana Allah, do you not realize the brain, you're going
to damage it and Allah will pay you back for that? Do you not realize you have to stand in front of
the court of Allah subhanho wa Taala May Allah grant us safety May we be from among those who can
honor our daughters in law, who can honor our wives who can honor the women in a way that we respect
		

			the fact that they should be given the dignity that they deserve. So my brothers and sisters, I'm
not saying that everyone out there who is a female is always innocent, and always right sometimes,
and it would be they too would have difficulty or hardship they might be going through a problem
themselves, they might be wrong, they might be sometimes the root of the problem it could be, but
that should never ever result in US disrespecting her in US causing mental damage and trauma for
her. Sometimes because a person comes from a home that may be far away, you find some of their folks
or the the in laws take advantage of that and abuse this poor child, not realizing that Allah will
		

			get you, Allah will get you, my beloved parents if you know of your daughter struggling, it is your
duty to stand up for your child. Firstly, to listen to both sides of the story. Secondly, to try and
resolve the matter and make amends and inshallah Allah says if they all would like to see the matter
resolved, it will be resolved. Erie the is la
		

			fille de La Nina Mama, if they truly would like to make amends, Allah will grant them the acceptance
to achieve that. So then if Still, the child is completely traumatized by the experience they've had
in this marital home, it is your duty to take the child away to give her that honor and the dignity
of returning to the parents home and inshallah it is not the end of the world. I've spoken in the
past about the stigma attached to those who are divorced those who are widows will law he look at
the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he married those who were previously married and
somehow
		

			Allah many times there are innocent people who've just been through difficulty and hardship.
Sometimes both parties were actually good, but they simply were different people with different
likes and dislikes, they did not get along. So the issue that I wanted to address today is the issue
of
		

			torture, the issue of mental torture, emotional, psychological abuse, the issue of verbal abuse,
physical abuse, within marriage, if your daughter comes to you for help, help her, it is your duty
unto Allah to assist her. We will not allow daughters to be trampled upon, like they did in the pre
Islamic period of ignorance, where they even buried them alive out of shame, a stone federal law,
May Allah forgive us, and May Allah grant us guidance, we will stand up for them and honor them. And
we will ensure that they live with dignity and respect. Yes, marriage is a great sacrifice many in
laws of brilliant people, lovely people, but there are some out there who sometimes happen to abuse
		

			the daughters in law in such a bad way. And I do know that there are cases vice versa, where some of
the daughters in law come into the home, and they happen to abuse their mother in laws, they happen
to abuse their in laws, and they have this preconceived idea of the in laws already being evil,
which is something we also need to deal with at some stage. But in the meantime, I want to tell you,
my beloved brothers and sisters, I would fight for my own sisters or daughters. If I knew that this
the person I gave my daughter to was abusing my own child in such a way that this child is now
struggling with mental psychological issues, I would actually go to war for that. May Allah subhanho
		

			wa Taala protect us all. And may Allah grant us the ability to honor the daughters of others, whom
we have taken as our own wives. And this is why if you love your spouse, Mashallah you will honor
them And grant them the dignity and if for some reason, you've really fallen out of love or you
don't like them, or you don't want that marriage anymore, with dignity with respect, fulfilling all
the rights, you would divorce them and send them home in such a way that the people would learn how
divorce is to be done in a Croma ha, we're in a blah, blah, ha, let me have a statement that has
been said to be
		

			taught by Alibaba, Alibaba, the other one, where he says, Get your daughters married to those who
are conscious of Allah. You know, people today look at money, they look at standing in society and
so on. They forget to look at the consciousness of Allah, here is adaminaby Taliban or their loved
one, telling us get your daughters married to those who are conscious of Allah, if they love them,
they will honor them. And if they don't, they will not oppress them, they will not run them, they
will not torture them, they will not harm them, they will send them back home with dignity and with
respect. Don't be upset if your daughter returns home with dignity, and she's still okay she's, for
		

			example, mentally, she's fine. We will support her as a family. May Allah Subhana Allah Allah grant
us all ease. But when a person has tortured the child, when a person has abused them when a person
has treated them unfairly unjustly, when a person has treated them as an unpaid maid or a slave
girl, that is what we're talking about, it needs to stop. And this is where we need to come in to
defend our daughters. Those of you who have daughters in law, I asked you to honor them, to give
them dignity, and to ensure that you don't burden them with that which they are not used to doing,
or they would slowly get used to doing. Remember, the chores of the home, belong to everyone. They
		

			need to be distributed among all if you have someone who is coming to fulfill these, appreciate them
in a big way make life easy for them. Don't be too fussy and too hard. Remember, each one has had a
different upbringing. Similarly, for those daughters in law out there, honor your in laws, the
parents of your husband are supposed to be very, very much honored by you and give them that respect
that they deserve. And don't come in with a preconceived notion that these are bad and evil simply
because their in laws, the majority of in laws are actually good people. Similarly, I would
discourage in most countries, in most situations in most communities, I would discourage a very
		

			extended family where everyone lives together in a way that we cannot fulfill the rights of one
another correctly. Rather, we are trampling on the toes of others in that particular case. Remember
something a person is owed. There's
		

			Separate quarters. So when you're married, you're old that if Allah subhanahu wa jal has made it
easy from the very beginning Alhamdulillah If not, then inshallah, within a few years, it's not a
bad thing to shift away in order to maintain the peace, the harmony, the love, I found most homes
where the children live separately after marriage, those have much more love than the ones who live
right under the noses of all their in laws, and everyone is bashing into each other's faces on a
daily basis. If that's the case, in many situations, you'll find people are not so happy. My
brothers and sisters, I would stand up for my daughter, would you
		

			aku Kohli hassall Allahu wa salam ala nabina Muhammad was Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.