Mufti Menk – Dealing with Difficulty #08 Marriage

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			salam o alaikum, Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh, many people find it very difficult to get married. And
sometimes their parents don't make it easy for them. Sometimes they're living in a society, that
doesn't care. Sometimes the interactions with community are minimum. So they don't know many people.
Sometimes they're orphans, or they don't live with people. Sometimes they're on their own some way.
So each one has different circumstances. Some people, they try very hard, and it just doesn't come.
So today, I want to address the matter of dealing with difficulty regarding marriage, like getting
married. So when we're young, Allah Almighty has given each one of us different circumstances, the
		

			vast majority have both parents, and the home where we grow up. My beloved parents make sure you
live with each other in a way that is exemplary to your children, because it is repeated when they
get married. And others are watching the habits that are built of your children, when they watch you
are such that when they get married, it will repeat itself again, and again, generation after
generation. So be disciplined. It's your duty, we all say I'd like to have kids, I'd like to have
kids, but we're not prepared to sacrifice regarding those children, or we're not exemplary, we are
too harsh and hard. Sometimes, oh, we just don't care. Other times. So as we are young, and we grow
		

			up, it is natural to be attracted to the opposite *, Allah Almighty says, Well, you need to
regularize it through marriage, you cannot just go doing whatever you want, with the opposite six.
Unless you can regularize it. If you cannot regularize something, there's nothing you can do about
it, you need to be patients, you can't just go and have something that belongs to someone else, or
does not belong to you, in the law of Allah subhanho wa taala. So, as we grow older, our parents by
right should be looking out for us. That's the proper way of doing things. As per the Islamic
teachings, our parents, our family members, members of the community, and those whom we interact
		

			with Subhanallah, they should all be keeping an eye. Because those who know you, for example, would
know you the best they would be able to see someone quite similar. And then they would make an
introduction. I'm going to stop there for a moment and go back. There are others who don't have both
parents, they might have a single parent, we need to work a little bit harder. The interactions that
happen. Allah Almighty wants you to keep an eye. Allah Almighty wants everyone around to keep an eye
and to bear in mind, marriage is important. The Prophet peace be upon him has asked us to get
married. So he says that his way and that's what Allah subhanho wa Taala wants from us, as difficult
		

			as it may be, we need to try to get married. Sometimes you have, like I said, children who are
orphans, well, their uncles and aunts or relatives or community members, someone needs to help them
up. Someone needs to assist them, they will outshine others. In many cases, the Prophet Muhammad
peace be upon him was an orphan. But he was the best of creation, the most noble of all prophets of
Allah subhanahu wa taala. So as we grow older, someone is identified. Remember, if you're a young
boy or young girl, never allow your heart to be given to someone, people have a crush, sometimes
when they're young 1011 1215 18 Sometimes it's a crush. It's someone you see infatuation. You know,
		

			you're excited, wow, I'd love this person as a husband, and you don't know a thing about them.
You've probably seen them online. Those marriages are very tough, you need to find out so much about
them without attachment. When you find out about someone with attachment to them, you're going to
ignore the red flags and the negatives. But when you find out about someone, before you've even
attached to them, you immediately are able to navigate through what's a red flag and what's not what
is not worth going into and what is worth pursuing to the next level. So be careful as you grow up.
You might like this one you like that one, not everyone you like is worth getting married to. You
		

			need to focus on who is
		

			fit to be the parent of your child. That's a very, very important way of looking at things. Are they
going to be exemplary, and at that young age, you're going to need to look at their connection with
Allah. As much as the glamour of the world might be attracting you. People say I want to marry a
rich man I want to marry a wealthy person into all of that becomes secondary. A few years later,
when you regret that they didn't have
		

			have a connection with Allah or no faith whatsoever. So always look for someone who has faith who
has belief, who's who takes their relationship with their maker, seriously, look for that person.
And then you can look at everything else, what they look like how much money they have, what family
they come from, where they come from, their physique, and so on all that follows. But if they don't
have the connection with Allah Almighty, they've lost in the eyes of Allah. And we will give them a
chance. But sometimes it will happen on their own. Don't ever marry someone thinking that you're
going to correct them later on, because many times, they don't. It doesn't happen. It might happen
		

			years later, decades later, who knows, you might struggle and suffer. However, when we're facing
difficulty getting married, we're trying it doesn't work. We're trying, it doesn't work. We met
someone, it went a little bit further we were introduced, or we spoke to someone seriously, we
didn't do any sins, which is definitely the way Islam teaches us. So we didn't commit any sins. We
tried hard. But as they show an interest, it doesn't work out. That's happening to a lot of people.
In fact, most people I know, they try it doesn't work out to try again. It doesn't work. They try
somewhere else. It doesn't work. I don't think there is something wrong with you. That's how it
		

			works. But don't connect yourself. I know it's difficult. I know that sometimes people feel oh, wow,
this was such a lovely person. And why did they say no to me? What happened? I feel abused. No, it's
not. You know, people in the Western world may go out with each other in a way that Islam may not
have taught, and then they may break up, if they break up. What does that mean? Islam teaches you
you get married, you know, you may break an engagement, that's fine. Even after you marry, they may
be a divorce. So it's not like you cannot unplug I'd rather you unplug earlier than later. Because
later on you may have children and they may be much more we might get to one of the topics inshallah
		

			of divorce. But if you take a look at marriage, we ask the parents to make it easy for their
children. But we also ask you to be reasonable in what you're asking for. Many times, if you're on a
certain financial level, and you've been used to people doing things for you, because you have
helping hands in the house, and everything is done for you, it would be very difficult for you to
adjust in a home where you need to do all the work, or the people need to do the work and there are
no helping hands. So consider that. You might think you love someone but marriage won't work.
Because look, it's chalk and cheese, the people are so different. If you were going a level higher,
		

			it might be a little bit easier. But if you're taking a drop, what type of a drop Are you taking, it
might seem exciting. Now they regret nearly all the time. When this happens. That's why the Prophet
Muhammad peace be upon him says look for someone similar to you. It's called Kapha. Or Khufu,
someone who is similar to you, someone who's going to live a life not too far off from what you did
all along. Because that adjustment, Allah Almighty helps you dealing with difficulty by telling you
make the right decisions, the adjustment will not be too big, you're going to have to minimize the
adjustment by choosing to the best of your ability. So it's important for us to realize that we
		

			start looking we facilitate the parents need to look and they need to make sure they open their
mouths. Don't be ashamed or shy to propose to ask to talk you could be rejected. It's okay. You take
that rejection in your stripe. But when you've developed a haram connection, and you're so into it,
then you're not going to accept that rejection. As much as we tell the children. Yes. Don't be
unreasonable. We're telling the parents to Don't be unreasonable. Don't just say no for anything,
meet the individual. Let him come through or her. Go and see her and they may be lovely people. I
know a lot of cases where there are people who've married after their parents were so negative about
		

			it. And the parents come later and say, That's my best daughter in law or best son in law.
Subhanallah I couldn't have asked for anything better. But you my beloved dad was saying no all
along. So we need to look into these things. I hope we can. These words of inspiration in this
beautiful month can help us navigate through the difficulties of getting married. Let's facilitate
it and let's make it easy in sha Allah. Allah will open our doors talk about it. And let's make
things easy for everyone a call you probably have, or SallAllahu wasallam or Baraka ala Nabina
Muhammad