Mufti Menk – Marriage NOT APPROVED – For Cultural Reasons

			I said what's your advice to a Muslim who wants to marry someone who the parents do not approve on
based maybe on cultural or social reasons. We firstly have tried, I'm sure you're aware of myself,
I'm sure of yourselves and so many other scholars and many people, we have tried to educate the
parents to say that Islam, there is no racism, tribalism, culturalism, even nationality and so on.
If there is general Kapha general similarity say you are brought up in Kenya, and you belong to
different groups, in terms of race or in terms of ethnicity in terms of tribe, the fact that you
have a general similarity
		

			in upbringing is very,
		

			is the mere
		

			fact that you have similarity. He's actually
		

			the Kufa That's enough,
		

			the rest of it
		

			is from men, not from Allah and His Rasul. So, we would educate the parents to start with secondly
is speak to your parents engage them, convinced them, listen to what they are saying sometimes they
are right. Sometimes the person may not be
		

			the one who may look after you, but never is the line drawn based on race or based on background and
ethnicity. Rather, it is drawn on Takua on a HELOC, on Dean, Dean and a HELOC. Basically, if the
person has Dean over level and a HELOC of a level, then Alhamdulillah, it's really, you know,
sufficient, we normally say, if someone can afford it, they are responsible, they have Dean and
o'clock let it be if both of them are interested in Sharla. So when parents refuse, we need to
engage them today, someone actually sent me a message while we were coming here to say my parents
are not happy. They want this person to have a certain type of a job before they can marry me. So I
		

			the answer that I would have is either convince your parents or convince that person to say get this
type of a job, or convince your parents I mean, what else would you like to do? Maybe you can get a
respectable person to talk to your parents, to educate them to say, look, you know, if the man is
responsible, then let it be sometimes, because we develop a haram relationship. When we develop a
haram relationship, what happens is the that connection makes us blinded to the reality of the
person.
		

			See what I'm saying? When you develop a haram relationship, you can't see this person is not
responsible, you can't see that this person is actually
		

			not worth being the father of my children, because you are blinded by a haram relationship. So
inshallah if it is halal, and if it is done in a good way, I'm sure we will be able to achieve much
more in terms of convincing now BarakAllahu Sheikh, you mentioned a point that if a sister sees as a
brother and she see us she sees a potential husband and a potential spouse, there is some guidance
that you gave, that she should always go to only more and also seek the guidance of only alamode.
Maybe if you could explain who what what you're referring to, when you say only Alomar. Firstly, it
is the Father. The Father is the ultimate Willie, he's the Guardian, Allah chose that father to be
		

			your father. There's no replacement. But in the case where the father has passed away, or he is not
available, in some cases, maybe he is unreasonable, then you can go to the coffee, or you can go to
the next May relative and Uncle perhaps if it's an older person who has a son, who is already an
adult than the adult, that adult son would take that place. So the reason is, they shouldn't get
conned and duped by men and people out there into a scenario that they will regret. So you need
someone around you who will be that protective figure from your side, when a woman is getting
married. And the man knows. The husband knows that this woman has a circle of males who I dare
		

			crossed the line. It makes it much more interesting because if she is respected, she has fathers
brothers and so on, who are there and you know, they just have to greet the son in laws and Mr.
Lakeman he knows Hey, I can't really mess with her. But if you are going to do things on your own,
chances are that you may be abused. It has happened and it continues happening where in some people,
when they do things all on their own, they are abused and they don't even realize sometimes they
they it's too late in the day and they feel
		

			We can't come back that's when we say earlier OMO Islam has made it a duty for those who are the
earlier and the guardians and the the ones who are the Emir of the home to look after those who are
under their responsibility