Mufti Menk – Is It Okay to Avoid Jealous Relatives
AI: Summary ©
The speaker advises parents to be careful of their feelings towards their brother and their family. They should be responsible for their behavior and not let anyone in the family know. The speaker also warns parents to be cautious of their feelings towards their brother and their family members.
AI: Summary ©
I don't speak to my brother
because he is always jealous of me.
Am I allowed to stay away from him
and his family?
Brothers brothers, reminds me of Yusuf alaihis salam
story.
Okay. So firstly to presume that someone is
jealous of you is a sin that many
people don't realize they're entrapped in. Sometimes
a person might not be jealous of you.
There may be your brother or whoever and
you think they're jealous of you. You gotta
be careful of that too.
But nonetheless, if there's toxicity coming in,
try to hold it exactly where it is
when it's a family member. I give you
a reason.
If you have children, your brother has children,
There is a little bit of beef between
you and your brother
and you stop your entire family from communicating
with the entire family. Those are cousins.
Those are cousins.
What would probably happen is in a few
years time, they're gonna grow older. They're not
gonna invite each other to each other's weddings.
You're gonna have broken relations with a second
and a third generation.
By the time the second or third generation
comes in, they're gonna look at innocent children
who were real cousins and say, that's a
bad family. Watch out. They do they do
magic or they jealous and so on. Don't
talk to them. And the whole family becomes
bad as a result of you and the
little idea you might have had of your
brother. And even if he did have a
weakness of a bit of jealousy or a
little bit more of the jealousy, you could
have kept it between you and him. But
let the families at least interact
on occasions on the day of Eid.
There would probably have been intermarriages
at some point between
cousins, second cousins, third cousins, whoever it may
have been. And we have a duty in
Islam to solve matters especially when it's within
family.
So it's wrong to say, oh this guy
is jealous of me. I don't wanna have
anything to do with him. Is it okay
for me and my family not to communicate
with them and their family? That's your brother.
Those are cousins.
You have a right. If that didn't work,
they, the cousins, what's their crime?
Sometimes they go to the same schools. They're
related. They have the same surnames. They don't
talk to each other because the fathers or
grandfathers have had a problem. That's not fair.
You you putting them in You know we're
talking about healing the ummah. How is the
Ummah going to heal when you when you
don't even want your own relation with your
brother to heal?
I think we need to make an effort
to try and resolve matters. Talk about it.
Speak to your brother and be open about
it. The difficult speech that is necessary
needs to happen. Be responsible enough to come
and say, listen guy, what's the problem? Why
do you always do this to me?
Have this hard conversation
in privacy between you and your brother. At
the end of the day, it's blood. And
talk again and again. And even if you
have to argue a little bit, it's your
brother. Don't let the kids see it. They
don't need to know what happened between brothers.
When something happens between my brothers, I mean
myself and my brothers for example,
even if like you know these are my
nephews, right? Their their fathers are my brothers.
If I were to say something to them
and they were to say something to me,
I would tell these guys, you stay out
of it. That's my brother.
How's that?
Because he's my brother. I love him. We
grew up together. We were there. We would
have naturally some differences. And that's the reason
why
when Sheikh Ibrahim was making mention about how
shaitan comes to make you think someone in
your family did something. You know when you
go to Iraqi,
sometimes some of them have nothing better to
say. The easiest thing to tell you is,
listen sister, someone's done magic and you know
who it is. It's within your family.
Now that's a standard statement. Have you noticed?
The reason is
every single
extended family has to have some politics.
There's no extended family that doesn't have politics.
So naturally you always a little bit anxious
about someone.
You always have a slight bit of a
tough relation with someone. The minute you hear
that, you automatically
know a name.
You put a face to it. You say,
Oh, that's so right. I was expecting. You
see, I told you. Didn't I tell you?
Look what he's saying. But that's a standard
statement. A little kid could have told you
that. They lied to you. They just made
you feel good. What did they do? They
destroyed
innocent relations
between you and your family. May Allah forgive
us. So please be beware of this and
don't fall into the trap.