Mufti Menk – Intro to Parenting Panel Session

			Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
		

			Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim In the name of Allah subhanho wa Taala Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Alhamdulillah we always praise Allah subhanho wa Jalla wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah
Allah He was happy hedge main we send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam, his household, his companions, may Allah bless them and bless every one of us. I mean, my
brothers and sisters this afternoon, we have a beautiful collection or a beautiful panel, that
inshallah would be addressing this particular topic of parenting, the roles of the mothers and
fathers. And in order to make this easy for everyone, I have chosen to speak more on the spiritual
		

			side of it. I'm only going to be speaking for about five to seven minutes inshallah, and I will hand
over to my evil colleagues, I have addressed this topic in the past several times, and you may
choose to actually see that video on YouTube inshallah, at your leisure. But today, I want to tell
you that my brothers, my sisters, when you get to the age of perhaps maturity or puberty, and you
begin to develop an interest in the opposite *, you need to realize that that's where it starts
for you to make a dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala you must supplicate many of us don't realize that
at that particular age, when we start looking and when our eyes begin to notice things they had not
		

			noticed before. We remove Allah subhanho wa Taala from the equation and this is why I say that is
the point where you are supposed to turn to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah.
		

			Wa Gina Tina unit was the 13, EMA or, or grant us from our spouses, our offspring those who will be
the coolness of our eyes and make us the leaders of the righteous. And not only that, you supplicate
in any language you want asking Allah to bless you with the best spouse because that spouse your
view will get married to will become a parent to your child by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
And I'll pause for a moment to pay tribute to those who don't have children, even though they may
have been trying for many years. It is our last choice. Allah decision, Allah's mercy, Allah, divine
wisdom, we surrender to it, we will keep trying knowing that Allah only does what is best for us. If
		

			Allah knows this is going to be our ticket to gender. So it will be don't become depressed at that
go and look after children. And I've seen so many who look after children who may not be
biologically theirs, but they become closer to them than their biological parents at times. May
Allah subhanho wa Taala help us all. So I pray that Allah bless you all with offspring say I mean
		

			look at these young men who are not even married saying I mean, Mashallah. It's good, you must say I
mean, because it is an inclusive to have, it actually means if you say, oh, Allah blessed me with
pious offspring and you are not yet married, it starts off with the good wife or the husband
automatically. So my brothers and sisters, don't forget that
		

			aspect of it, this supplication call out to Allah. And on top of that, make sure you know how you
are looking where you are looking for your spouse. Because many people complain about parenting, but
my brother, my sister, you make such a big mistake in your choice of a spouse and the parents out
there. You sometimes make mistakes when you say no to your children when they want to marry a
righteous person when they want to marry someone who is a good man or a good female just because
they come from the north or the south or they don't belong to your particular tribe. You say no, by
doing that you have destroyed the cornerstone of positive parenting or successful parenting because
		

			they will remain issues between the spouses. If you have not resolved your matters as husband and
wife, how do you expect to show or to lead that particular offspring that Allah blesses you with in
a way that is exemplary or that is good when you have not even solved your own matters. So this is
why I call out to parents from this particular platform to make it easy for your children to manage
		

			Those who are decent reasonable people no matter what their race, what their color, what their time
etc etc that is all besides the point Isla
		

			de novo Luca who has a widow. If someone comes to you with a proposal, their level of Deen is okay
they are level of Atlantis okay it is acceptable to you then you let your children be married do not
prohibit if you do the same narrations is in lotta Fallujah config will only have a certain area, if
you're not going to do that they will be great chaos and corruption on earth, and who will have
caused it. Unfortunately, the parents themselves so remember this, it's important I started that
point because I believe firmly that the choice of your spouse plays the biggest role in whether or
not you're going to manage those children by the will of Allah. Ultimately, it's the help of Allah.
		

			also those who are married, you know, you might be just looking at me to say, oh, gosh, I've already
made these mistakes. Now what inshallah? Well, we will be hearing how best we can develop correct
ourselves, listen with an open mind inshallah. And we will be able to benefit the floor will be open
very soon for your interaction as well. I want to continue with that. Like I said, we make the right
decisions, the right choices do not be, do not be attracted to a materialistic spouse or someone who
has succeeded is successful solely and only from a materialistic angle or perspective. Because if
that's the case, remember, one day they may not have that, or one day, they may betray you as a
		

			spouse, or you may find habits that become so bad that you would have to ignore sometimes I know of
many emails I receive, unfortunately, from this country, mostly, unfortunately, from this country
with some of the sisters complain. I've got a very good husband, but he drinks alcohol. And he sees
it's like nothing is wrong. He can move and he and he goes out with any woman he wants. But he's a
good man in the house. He reads his Salah, I was shocked when I couldn't believe it is this what is
really happening. I hope it's not true. My beloved brothers, let's never let that happen. When Allah
blesses you with well, lovey, lovey, it is going to be your ticket either to Jenna, or out of
		

			gentlemen.
		

			It's up to you to choose where you want to be. When like when Allah blessed you with something, cut
out your bad habits, cut out your you're wrong, when is your sinful behavior, cut it out, it's never
going to help you cut out this arrogance, look after your spouse and your children and yourself in
the process. So my beloved sisters, you see when we go and even brothers, when we go for that which
Allah has told you to watch out regarding. And when we fall into the trap, for example, you only
look at beauty and nothing else, you know, you have to look at beauty when people read the Hadith,
they say, oh, there are four things, you just look at the deed, no, there are four things, five
		

			things, you can look at all of those things. But the the factor that that is the final factor would
be the dean, it doesn't mean the name. A woman is married for a beauty or for her wealth or for a
family lineage, etc, etc. Or for the dean. So now you marry only for the date, hang on, hang on,
hang on, I need to see her. I need to like what she looks like I need to talk to her. I need to be
somehow attracted to him. The same applies to her. Some of the cultures sometimes are such that you
play no role in who you're going to get married to. The father comes and says Hi, I found this for
her husband for you. And the good daughter of pretty blossoming, you know child who is so gorgeous.
		

			And she comes and sees the husband Oh my god. Oh, is this the guy? How do we learn? How do we learn?
You know, she fell short of saying ministry because she when she says how the villa we need to be
careful. There has to be a spark don't misinterpret the Hadi the Hadith speaks about these things
because we're lucky it's important to look you want to be positive parents you have to have a
positive union without the positive union How can you be a positive parent by beloved brothers and
sisters so when you want your children to get married, ensure that there is some form of
compatibility there is a little bit of a spark on either side, you know, you cannot tell them a
		

			candle without a match. So there needs to be some form of a little flame in order to get that candle
like me Allah Subhana Allah grant us deeper understanding, say army.
		

			So we make the correct decisions based on the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, and guess what
the final point I want to raise as my I've spoken for 10 minutes Actually, I really apologize for
that, but
		

			The final point I want to raise is, we need to make sure that we become closer and closer to Allah
as the days pass. I want the best husband, the best wife, but I don't read Salah. I want a lovely
man, but he doesn't want me. You know why? Because he's not looking for a person like me. I want to
marry such and such a person does he want to marry me? He's not looking for someone with my
qualities. Because why I'm far off the mark Subhanallah I need to get closer to Allah, I need to ask
myself, will such and such a person want a person like me? If the answer is yes, in sha Allah, and
if those people are closer to Allah, it should develop us in a way that we become closer to Allah.
		

			May Allah make us closer to him. So if you want to look after your children, you start with the
spouse if you want the good spouse and you are not fulfilling Salah you have a problem if you if you
are not fulfilling the obligations unto Allah, you have a problem. So the point I raised make lots
of drought work according to the advice of rasulillah salam we will be hearing a lot of this today
inshallah, and you better make sure and I better make sure that as the days passed, I become closer
to Allah not further away from Allah subhanho wa Taala. You know, Gone are the days when I'm talking
here to parents each other Gone are the days when perhaps we dilly dally a little bit now. There are
		

			children who look up to us for guidance. If we are not going to be striving towards the guidance, we
are immature ourselves even though we are 50 and 40 years old. How do you expect those children to
be rightly guided? May Allah make us the true role models of our children to begin with? And may
Allah subhanho wa Taala bless you all, could only have a masala was Salam ala nabina Muhammad