Mufti Menk – Important Aspects of Marriage
AI: Summary ©
The importance of choosing the right spouse during marriage is discussed, along with the importance of being conscious of one's actions and not giving up on church commandments. The speakers stress the need to be serious when speaking about a woman who wants to marry and finding the right moment in a relationship, avoiding giving false doomsday statements, and finding the right moment in a relationship and avoiding giving false doomsday statements. They also emphasize the importance of being content with one's marriage and not feel shy when talking to friends or family. Additionally, a woman talks about wanting to change her appearance and gives a motivational speech about wanting to "ache in front of a mirror" before acknowledging her mistake. She expresses gratitude for the opportunity to show off her charisma and caring personality and wants to change her appearance.
AI: Summary ©
praqma Rahim al hamdu lillahi wa sallahu wa salam o Baraka Allah, may Allah be Abba. where Allah Allah He was happy he was very he
was he he,
woman Toby young be accepting elomi Deen
My bad.
All praises are due to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah
salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
and upon all his companions upon all those who have followed him, all those who are following him May Allah make us from amongst them
upon all those who will follow Him, to the day of the AMA, may Allah make our offspring from amongst them
blessings upon the four illustrious Imams, whom Allah subhanho wa Taala has chosen
and whom Allah subhanho wa Taala has allowed to work in such a manner
that the Muslims of the globe after them
have taken much from them, including ourselves
on a dilemma,
beloved brothers and sisters, dear listeners,
I have decided to speak on a topic
that is not easy to speak about.
We have in our midst
people
who are much more qualified than myself to speak on the topic.
People who have much more experienced than myself, but I feel every Muslim home needs to hear
what is to be said tonight, for indeed it is taken from the revelation that Allah subhanho wa Taala has sent
and the sooner of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam which was also revealed in essence by Allah subhanho wa Taala May Allah subhanho wa Taala make us from amongst those who can listen, Take heed and put into practice whatever is good
and abstain from everything that is bad.
Marriage is very important.
It is something that everyone will go through at one stage or another. unless Allah subhanho wa Taala has decided to take the person away before that happens.
Most homes today are suffering.
Most couples today are suffering suffering, in what way
we do not have a home that we would like
we do not have happiness in our houses.
We are arguing with one another husband and wife.
The children are caught in the mess.
The parents and in laws
are caught in the crossfire
and the times they lift their guns and shoot May Allah protect us.
What is the problem today? Where have we gone wrong?
What is it that we are doing
that has resulted in this degradation
and degeneration
of the Muslim home
I wish to highlight a few points and for this reason I decided to sit down
because when we speak of marriage, we cannot afford to scream. Never
in a house where the husband or wife or parents or children do not understand the importance of the correct volume of speech. Everything will go wrong.
Point number one
the volume that we speak with must be correct in the house do not scream. Do not raise your voice under any circumstance. And if you have to, because something is on fire.
Something is about to be destroyed. Then only raise it as much as needed. When I once said this in one of my lectures I was told well every day we practice for the day the fire will come.
If we haven't raised our voices in the past we might never know what volume we will get to. Those are cheap excuses. May Allah save us but honestly, why should we scream in our houses? What is the reason we are Muslims. Our life rotates around control
Our life rotates around control because we would like to achieve results. So that we can please Allah subhanho wa Taala. So that when we get to the akhira, we will have whatever we want without control,
if you lose control or do not want to control at all whilst you are in this dunya remember, they will be controls on you in the era. So, you've got to choose from now, do I want to put these controls now or later on?
Let me now begin
not with a proposal and the acceptance and the love of face that are going on today and so on that is a topic on its own. May Allah guide us to choose our spouse in the correct manner. Most of us make mistakes when choosing because we choose with our hearts and not with our brains, that is the problem. Think about it what I am saying today is very, very carefully chosen.
I am speaking to you after lots of experience in helping so many people either getting married, unfortunately, breaking up as well.
Or just through turbulence, which is quite normal during marriage.
And I thought I would mention to you today very briefly, some of the points which we need to know from Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam in order to have a happy home and I start with this. Do you know when you are getting married, there is a little hook but that is read.
Most of us know the verses of by heart.
What are the three verses whom are they addressed to? Have we ever thought of that?
does Allah subhanho wa Taala say yeah, you know, Jane,
are you who are married to a couple? Oh, you are about to be married? Does he ever say that? No, because Islam is not just for those who are getting married. If you are to live an Islamic life, whether you are married or not, you will enjoy yourself and you will be content.
The first verse is addressed not not only to the meaning, but to everyone. All Mankind at large reminding you where you came from.
Taco Bell como de la de la Cancun.
Oh people notice the addresses to mankind at large Oh people, whether you are Muslim or not. Remember that you have been created by Allah fear. Your creator who created you your who is nourishing you cherishing you, sustaining you, the one whom you are going to return to be conscious of him for indeed he has created you from one soul and then the verse continues. Let's get to the next verse.
Yeah, I you
know, taco law how to call T
mu to Illa Allah Jammu
Illa.
De moon.
Now the address is not for mankind at large, but for a smaller group of you who believe. Why? Why does Allah subhanho wa Taala say, Oh, you who believe?
Because he wants to address us with the best thing we own. Today when we speak to someone we say, Do you know that man with a fat nose? Do you know that man who limps we speak about the worst quality the person has, but Allah does not do that to us. When he speaks about us when he wants to address us. He says oh you who believe Imagine if he had to address us with the worst quality we had. So this teaches us a lesson, when speaking always refer to a person with the best quality he has, you know that man who never raises his voice, good quality.
That man who always looks down that man who has Mashallah shine on his face and so on. Rather than saying, that man who does this and does that I don't even want to say because everyone will have different things to say of different people. We all have bad qualities. But one thing we learn from the address of Allah subhanho wa Taala wherever he says yeah, are you a Latina man? Oh, oh, you who believe. Imagine he addresses us with such a great address.
Have we ever thought of that, that Allah has addressed us with the best thing we own? He says oh you who believe he didn't say oh you who are hypocrites who say you believe
But your whole day is otherwise he has never addressed us in that way in the Quran just once. He addresses the kuffaar in the manner of Kufa and that was to wake them up a little bit. Yeah, I oh * larina cafaro la
Oh, you who disbelieved that was a bad quality just once. And he did it in order to
shake them up to say this is what is going to happen on the day of the AMA, or you who does believe don't present your excuses on that day. And that also, the address is not to them today in this world. It is on the day of piano Allah is just telling us what is going to occur on that day.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us but let me move further. Be conscious of your job
as you are meant to be conscious of him. Now that is very difficult. But Allah subhanho wa Taala continues to say, make sure that you don't die except in the condition of Islam. This means we will read this verse upon the occasion of Nika for you to remember that the only way your * will be a happy Hanukkah is if you live your life in such a manner that you do not die unless you are a Muslim, which means you live your life according to the rules of Islam.
That's why the verse is ready.
Some people might think these verses are not relevant to nikka they don't know the first verse is reminding you to get married, those who are not married, go out and get married because that is the only way we would increase had someone somewhere not married. You wouldn't have been here today.
That is a fact. So think of it carry on and contribute. There's a word you Allah Duda Allah Luda for me McCarthy rhombi como mama Yama, Yama, aka mokulele salatu salam Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, marry those who are loving and childbearing. For I would like to be through you. The prophet who has the greatest oma on the day of piano, you can come forward Oh my dear mothers, and Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam will have you right next to him on the day of the AMA to say, this woman did not want to give birth to more than two children but for my for the sake of this idea.
And for the sake of the increment of this oma. She gave birth to seven children to eight children. I want her to be right by my side.
Did you not hear the Hadith a minute ago I would like to be through you. The prophet who has the biggest oma so marry those who are childbearing. My dear mothers and sisters, I always say those stretch marks on the belly are a sign of jihad Fie, Sabine in LA, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the true understanding and the value of those marks. Some of us look at a woman a few years down the line. And we think to ourselves, this is all connected to marriage. We get uptight and we say now this stomach is flabby. And now I need to try and look for someone who has a tight belly. It's effect it's happening.
But you don't realize that act of worship or those acts of worship are so great. I'm speaking of childbirth.
That if a woman has to die while giving birth or during pregnancy, she is granted the rank of a martyr in the path of Allah. Allahu Akbar Kabira compete with that no man can compete only the women can.
So today when we look at these women who are old and they have given birth to so many children, we must look at them as the mothers of the believers who have contributed positively to the aroma of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam May Allah grant that to us
and it must increase our love for them for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala Can you see we have reversed so that is why we don't have contentment in the home.
I mentioned in reason by reason as Allah puts them into my head meaning as they come in Sharma
so live your entire life as a Muslim
and you will find contentment even in your home. The last verse is probably one of the most important verses read.
Just prior to nikka
la Vina mano de la Haku cola
Sadie the
como Villa como uno,
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are you who believe be conscious of your Creator which means a happy home will only be if you are conscious of your Creator. This has been
Beat itself thrice in these three verses. In fact, four times because the first verse has it twice in one verse. If you are
seeking happiness, the first point is be conscious of Allah and all his commands, you will achieve happiness. getting to the point mentioned in the last Hadith control your tongues at only that which is straightforward, upright, it has no deception in it, no impoliteness in it, it is very polite. It is carefully chosen at only that which is upright and slaves. This is what the verse is mentioning. Did you ever know that 99% of marital problems are connected to the abuse or misuse of the tongue.
Think about it, anyone who has a problem in their house. It is either because of something you've said,
or something you did. And then you clarified it or cheated about it through your tongue.
Or the reaction about something you heard,
or the manner in which you used your tongue. So beyond 90% of our problems in marriage are to do with a tongue. For that reason. This verse is mentioned as a tsunami of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam upon the occasion of Nika.
And I always tell the youngsters, I say, those who are getting married, watch out, now control your tongue.
It does not mean before that you should not control it. But now it's more important, because you might break a very good marriage, just by the misuse of your tongue. few words, you've said that are wrong. And suddenly, everything goes haywire.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala save us. When speaking of the tongue, I spoke of the volume, Don't raise your voice unnecessarily.
The last time I was here,
I had spoken about thinking before you speak.
That two falls under the last verse.
think very carefully, think twice think 10 times as an act of worship. I want to speak to my beloved wife, the mother of my children.
And since I've uttered the word mother of my children, I want to inform the youth out here. When you are hunting for a woman to marry.
Don't look for the love of your life. Look for the mother of your children, ask yourself, does this woman have the qualities of being the mother of my children? And the same applies to the women folk? They must ask themselves, does this man have the qualities in him to be the father of my children? If so, I am heading in the right direction. But if he is very good looking, and he's smart, and he's a rich man, but he does not have those qualities, then believe you mean somewhere down the line. something will go wrong. May Allah protect us.
That's just a tip on getting married.
Now let us take a stroll through married life.
The first thing we need to remember is the minute you get married.
You find the groom normally sitting in the masjid and the Imam asks him a question and he says yes, yes, I have married her. And sometimes they are very agitated if the mom is taking long they're looking at the clock. Recently there was a wedding. And after that, I told the groom I said, you know, I'm gonna tell you something no one's told you. He said What? I said write down the time when you said yes, I have was 16 hours, 59 minutes and 33 seconds write it down. He looked at me and he said I was just thinking, I wonder what time it was. I said, Well, I was one of them. Who told you because I looked at it.
So I want to be more serious here and say when you utter the word, yes, I have Do you realize what has just happened?
Do you know how big a statement that is? Before someone is married shavon makes them love each other because he wants them to commit Zina. What is shaytans job shaytans job is to make you commit haram Do you understand this? He promised Allah when Adam alayhis salam was created. He told Allah subhanho wa Taala he believes told Allah subhanho wa Taala Listen, I will show you these people will disobey you. So shaitan wants us to commit Zina. Many married women and men asked me why is my wife or my husband not as sweet as they were before I was married? And I tell them this and I'm repeating it here today. Before you were married shavon beautified each other because he wanted you to commit
Zina.
But the minute you said yes. I have to
Her in my nikka he makes you fight now that's his job so you can commit Zina with someone else. Allahu Akbar Kabira. May Allah save us from shaitan Naruto Bella,
do we understand this. So what we are doing, we fall prey to shaitan before marriage, because we've already slept with her 10 times now will be law. And after marriage, we begin to sleep with 10 other people. And we say this wife is no longer how she was. And this husband is no longer how he was, I don't know, everything was rosy, some of the kuffaar would actually say I prefer to be a single mother because I can pick and choose how I want and I'm not connected to anyone. And some of the Muslim in Nairobi law nowadays, they are coming up with this sort of a statement, may Allah save us and protect us?
How would you feel if you were an illegitimate child? Is it not? A very big punishment upon an innocent person? Let's be honest, think of all these things. So the minute you say yes, I have accepted her as my wife, the Jihad has begun.
You now need to make sure that you Shang shapen. And you must live with total respect. Understand that the golden rule is your wife or your husband, your spouse is your first class friend. From that minute on, you must spend maximum time with your wife or your husband. Maximum. That does not mean now give up your job and sit at home and relax and sleep until 11. and say you know, we were told by this movie that we must now spend time at home. I've retired. That's not what we are saying. But what we are saying is remember whenever you are speaking to your friends who are and where your friends before you got married, you must now not feel shy to tell them Listen, I've got to go home,
they might laugh at you. They might say this man is ruled by his wife, political government, as they call them.
They can make those statements no problem so long as you are happy when you got a problem in your room. No one's gonna come to help you. It's you facing her and they aren't there to blow things up.
So if they laugh at you and pass a comment or two, but in your house, you are very happy Alhamdulillah
there is a young gentleman, a very close friend of mine, I joked with him a few days ago. Someone told me this man is married and he's still on a honeymoon. I said I hope and I pray the honey crystallizes. So you can always be on honeymoon.
It's a fact. We need this. We need the honey to crystallize. And when I spoke to the gentleman, he actually told me no, I have a bottle of honey. When the moon comes out. I take my wife to the window and I take out honey and I put it into her mouth and I say remember we still on honeymoon. So Pamela What a lucky home.
This is something that we must understand. Let us give time and love these small things mean a lot. Do you know Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to sit to eat with eyeshadow the Allahu Allah. And this is the biggest love story in history. If you think you've read Romeo and Juliet it is absolutely nothing.
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his life with his wives was such that there is an alum in Saudi Arabia who's written a book a Jamal Lucas Sati have been arafat had
the best love story that history has ever known. Who do you think it's about none other than Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam and I Sharia law. And everything he did becomes an act of worship.
He used to watch his wife eat from the corner of his eye in such a way that it would create a feeling of romance Subhana Allah Imagine you're watching your wife, not just with your eyes, but you Your face is facing in one direction and your eyes the corner of the eyes actually towards the wife and she knows Subhana Allah.
He used to watch her eating and then when she took a bite off the piece of meat and put it down, he would stretch his hand quickly pull the piece of meat and he knows exactly where she bought it. But he would rotate it rotate it and watch her still not the corner of his eye. And she would blush and he would say Humira which means the one who's blushes a lot, the one who has red cheeks. How many of us have nicknames for our wives. And if we do we probably call him fatty and so on.
We how many of us have nicknames that are so beautiful and sweet. It is asuna the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as a beautiful names. He used to name everything.
And then he would take a bite exactly where she had bitten watching her.
And she would blush to the degree that she would have to also look away then he would put it back to where it was. How many of us have even tried this as an act of worship and the revival of the Sunnah of Mohammed Nasser.
Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam don't only think that the example of Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam and his Sunnah lies within the four corners of the masjid. Everything you ever do has a Sunnah.
Let me take you further, something more. So tonight, Mashallah we can go and practice a few sooner.
He used to hold his hands
and let her take a step on his hands upon the camera.
So to help your wife get on to the ride, or the mode of transport, is as soon as Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, no matter how old you are, how long you've been married, for, how many of us would pay to even open the door for your wife to go into the vehicle?
as an act of worship and asuna tell me if we had to adopt these little sunon I swear the women of the oma and the women, even who are non Muslims would want to marry only Muslim men. Let's be honest. We are taught to be the best and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says,
Hi eurocom Li, Li y la eurocom. Commonly the best from amongst you are those who are best to their spouses, and I am the best to my wives Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam is saying that.
So not only did he say the best of you are the best to your spouse's, your family members. The reason why I'm saying spouses is for husband, it is wife and for wife, it is husband and family members. Your immediate family is included included in the term.
And then on top of that, he actually went further and said, but if you study my life, you will find me to be the best. And that's what we are doing today. It is an act of worship to literally help your wife onto the vehicle. Did you ever notice and how many of us have practiced it? And if we have it was because there wasn't a heated argument in the morning and we wanted to cool things down. That's it, but we didn't have the sooner in our minds.
That is Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
can they be better advice than this? We only starting we only warming up it's still the first 510 minutes of the talk.
And Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam before he spoke to his wives, he would think so many times. And he would choose the best and sweetest words to speak, even when there were moments of heat coming from the wives. And these moments of heat did not come because there was anything wrong with the wives but they came because we had to learn from it. If nothing went wrong, we wouldn't be learning. This is why some Sahaba the Allahu anhu engaged in various issues. Some there were some who may have committed adultery, we have we read about them in the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Not because the Sahaba bad we are not allowed to utter one word against them. But
because there was supposed to be a ruling for us to learn from had no one committed the error, we wouldn't have known a ruling in that regard. So Allah chose them to do that.
When Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam spoke he chose the sweetest words, and the most beautiful of words, he always tried to solve issues, rather than to create more.
Today we have a double edged sword. If the husband doesn't cause a problem, the wife causes it.
And if the wife doesn't cause it, the husband causes it. So both of us need to learn how to speak which is of utmost importance. I told you, majority of marriages are suffering turbulence because we don't know how to use our tongues.
We cannot utter statements of politeness, how are you How was your day, you need to remind your wife and your husband that you will love her or him, you need to remind them verbally.
Just because it is a reassurance. You can say 10 times a day. I hope you mean it.
But it's very important that we utter these words because
if you don't utter those words, someone else might utter a word which hit the heart. And this woman or man might say I've never heard this word from my own husband or wife so shaytan seizes the opportunity to create division.
We need to utter words of appreciation. jazak Allah, may Allah reward you for this I pray that Allah give you Jenna, you are such a good man. You are such a good woman Mashallah, there are so many things that you've done that I don't appreciate. We need to say these things they need to come out of our mouths. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam appreciated everything, though he was the best of creation.
And his wives knew that
and for this reason, they
To appreciate absolutely everything. May Allah grant us this balanced life.
Thereafter, remember that if you are going to give the same time that you had allocated to your friends,
who were your friends, and are your friends, but they were before marriage as well, the same time that you had allocated to them before marriage, if you are going to allocate it after marriage, your marriage won't work.
The reason is, you now have someone of prime importance. You need to give something up somewhere.
You need to understand and I always tell the businessmen, those who work
you are married? How long have you been married? For? They'll tell you 20 years? 25 years? Do you work? Yes, I do. What do you do? I have my own business. I run a shop. You run a shop? What time do you go to work? I leave at six every morning? What time do you get back? I leave at six in the evening? Do you have any shame?
Are you living just to earn money? Is that it? You are now 5060 years old?
You must understand your life is not just to go out and work all day?
No, are we saying give up that work. But if you've earned enough money, there must be a point whereby you must cut your working hours to now enjoy that money and to now spend on your family and children and spend time with them.
So if you work from six to six,
up to the age of say 14, after that, cut it work from nine to three. So now at least you can drop your children to school in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. Have some two meals at least a day with your children? Because the first question, or one of the first questions you will be asked regarding your children is what was your connection with them? One of the first questions regarding children, your duty as a parent, did you fulfill it or not? And you say, Well, I was at work from six to six, I don't know, ask my wife. And the wife will say well, I had to go and spend time with my friends because my husband never sits and talks to me. So ask the maid
and the maid will say well, I was sitting with my boyfriend. So you can ask him that is the degeneration and decomposition of the home today.
So it would be an act of worship. If you say I'm earning 5000 brands a month, I will earn 4500 but I will spend two more hours with my family. While I eat those two hours are worth more than 10,000 brands. If only but you know how many people have a lot of wealth, but they don't have happiness in their homes. So many.
And they will tell you I can give this up but I need happiness, I need contentment.
And you tell them it is not very difficult. contentment is a gift, a treasure that never ever depletes never.
If you have contentment you have everything. If you do not have contentment, you have nothing absolutely nothing. Forget about everything else. You can be a person with cancer, may Allah cure all those who have that disease.
But if you are content with the tequila of Allah subhanho wa Taala you will die smiling, I tell you.
But if you have a mosquito bite behind your ear, may Allah protect us from those sounds in the evening. Even the sound is difficult to be
and you are not content, you will be complaining for the week and for two weeks. And if you scratch it maybe for three weeks. May Allah save us.
So this is the contentment that we are taught by Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And that brings me straight to the next point. You are married.
You must be content with what you have. Don't open your eyes elsewhere, believe me
shavon beautifies other men and women as I said at the beginning here, once you are married shaitaan tries to tell you she is better than my wife. That one is better. And then when you get that
in the cases where people break their marriages to marry someone else who probably was also married and broke their marriage to marry them. That is how filthy The world has become today. There will be no contentment there again. What guarantee do you have? I always tell people who suffer this particular situation that Do you know what? You will probably be controlled totally in the next marriage. And you won't even realize it until you get into it and then you cry. Or that woman was much better or that man was much better.
So the golden rule, be content do not compare your marriage with others.
Be happy
with what you have, never ever compare, can I tell you why you might be comparing your marriage with the neighbors? And do you know at the same time they might be comparing this to yours.
They must be making dua to Allah Allah grant us happiness like you've grant our neighbors. And the same time, the neighbors are saying, Yeah, Allah grant us happiness like you've granted our neighbors, you don't know the fights that happen with him. Shaytan seizes every opportunity, solve your problems and be content, learn to solve matters rather than, oh, I want a divorce and I am ready to divorce this wife of mine. These are the statements that are flying around two days after marriage. Nowadays, I know of cases of people whom initially I knew of a case where people went on a honeymoon and they returned divorced.
The honey must have gone stale. But I know of another case now that beats that at the airport, they were about to leave and the divorce occurred Subhan Allah May Allah protect us. So now that's the record. I wonder what we'll hear next.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. Another point we must respect each other no matter what respect each other, assist each other, the way we talk, we need to trust each other as well. So respect assistance and trust, extremely important. Do you know that we have a very, very big disease known as the cell phone, the mobile phone, it has destroyed at least 20 marriages that I know of just the mobile phone.
And I tell people if this phone is causing a problem, change your number. People don't need to give up your cell phone, let them phone you on a landline. These SMS is that we have flying around. And then the wife sees the phone and suddenly her heart is broken. And then she doesn't want to talk to you. Or vice versa. The husband sees the phone of the wife. It is happening on a daily basis. We are hurting each other's hearts by this mobile phone. And now they've got latest technology and so on and so forth. I don't even want to get into the details. They are so filthy and sick. May Allah save us. A mobile phone is only for those who need it and know how to use it believe me, otherwise it
will destroy your marriage. Those on drugs. How do they get them these days over the phone? SMS? I had a friend
who happened to
well I befriended him after he was on drugs in order to solve the problem and Alhamdulillah he's out May Allah take out all our children. If Allah grants us life and Remembrance tomorrow, I wish to discuss the topic of drugs in Mitchell's plane in Sharla.
He told me Do you know Mufti? If I need this drug, it will take me five minutes
without a vehicle, and I will have the drug and come back. I said, How do you get it? He told me these people on the street who sell cards, sell newspapers, they look at you. They've got that sly look with one small eye one big eye. And they got a grip on one side that grin on the face is called a dopey look. The minute you look at him that way, he knows what you want. He nods his head and he puts it on the side and you give him the money together with that you throw a newspaper in. So people will think you had a newspaper. You come home your father doesn't even know what the drug looks like a little leaf also. And SubhanAllah. You look you say Daddy, this looks nice. He might
even tell you planted.
why I'm saying this is we as parents need to know what are these drugs, our children might have them. And they might be keep you safe keeping them in our own drawers. It's happening, I've come across cases.
So that's how easy it is to get drugs. Those cell phone cards that are sold I don't know about here. They there's been a cleanup in Zimbabwe if we've all heard, and Alhamdulilah solved a lot of our problems because a lot of these people were kicked off the streets. So now you might have had to walk for 10 minutes to get the drugs and not five. But the point I was making is the cell phone if you don't know how to use it, and if it is unnecessary, nine times out of 10 it will get you into heroin.
I know of happy homes, good people, very, very decent people, at times even those who visit the masjid several times a day and you find that suddenly shavon
destroys their marriage through the cell phone. May Allah protect us. I tell you it is very, very dangerous.
Someone will confide and say you know, my husband or my wife. They have their cell phone with them. 24 seven, even when they sleep they got a special on the pajamas. They've actually got the little pocket they sewn on so the mobile phone fits in. Because if it's under the pillow, the wife might just pick it and see what's going on. What type of life do you want to lead?
Let's not be hypocritical.
We need to respect each other. We need to assume
to each other, and we need to trust each other. Loss of trust is a very grave problem. But there is another problem that we are facing today. And that is suspicion to suspect your wife for small things, something minor happened, and you begin to suspect
that is a disease. It's a cancerous element that has no cure besides you being hard on yourself. That's all.
The Quran has warned us of suspicion. The Quran says do not suspect and the same applies with the women folk, every small thing the husband comes and you know, a day like today, a very hot day the top buttons are let loose. Why would those buttons open? That's a typical question shouldn't be happening. You know your husband. It shouldn't be mistrusting him just like that.
Another thing that is destroying our trust, anonymous phone calls, honestly, how easy it is. If you think of a jealous person to destroy your marriage.
There was a woman who once told me that I'm suffering in my marriage.
And I tried to tell her
a few things. A few points. He told me no, but I'm, I'm getting paid for what I did. I said, What did you do? She said, This man was married very happily. And I used to make anonymous calls to the wife. Look at how easy it was to break the marriage. She wanted to marry this man. But the man was already married. So she had to break a happy home, she found the wife, she found her she she told me it took me five phone calls. And I told her look, I promise you Your husband is doing this, this this. In three months, the marriage was over.
And what happened? A man does not serve any it does. In a few weeks, he was married to the same woman who did everything. So my dear women, let's wake up and understand that most anonymous calls, almost all of them are elements of jealousy, they will promise you they will. If they are real well wishes they must stand up with name and surname. And they must come to you in person. And they must tell you what they want. Otherwise, we are not taught to entertain any anonymous callers or letters. Otherwise, your marriage will be at stake, believe me.
That is also a problem.
Then we go further.
We have so many difficulties that it's it's difficult to talk about all of them.
If you think about the relationship that we have with our wives and children today, sometimes
you will find that the friends we keep give us wrong advice. Especially the women folk. We have a woman who is content with her husband working from six to six. She's happy with it. But then she has friends who will sit with her and say you are crazy. How can you allow this guy to work from six to six? So she says no, I'm alright with that. Then the next one says the same thing. 10 friends say the same thing when the 11th one says it That evening, this man has a problem. I don't know how I allowed you to work from six to six. That was not her. The friends have now controlled the family. Do you see how it works. And for this reason, my dear mothers and sisters, the less friends you
have, the less marital problems you will have Believe you me, I'm not telling you to be people who stick at home. No. But Mark your friends and watch out if they give you the wrong advice. Or they encourage you to do something detrimental. Believe me, you'd rather not have them as friends. And the same applies to the men. Sometimes we expect too much from our wives. Why? Because our neighbor or our friend is getting these 10 things from his wife. Our wives might be giving us nine things. We want the 10th one just because you want to live up to the Joneses as it were.
That's not fair. You are content you are happy.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala make us from amongst those who have decent friends whom when we are in a problem, they will tell us you know what you can do more to solve this problem.
You can do more to solve this problem that is a true friend. You have a problem with your husband. You know what be hard on yourself. Maybe the way you are reacting to what he says
might be the problem. He has an issue but you need to solve it. I always ask married couples. Do you want to solve your problem? Or do you want to divorce and nine times out of 10 they'll tell you no I want to solve it. But they are not being genuine because then when you tell them do this and do that and be hard on yourself and the man is coming at two in the morning for the last month. You've been shouting him nagging at him. So now you come at three in the morning. He doesn't want to see you. You'd rather at that time hour of the morning. Get up
smile at him, welcome him home, offer him some tea. Don't even ask him where he was because you know where he was. This is if you want the marriage to work.
In two weeks time, he'll come right? somehow, some way he's gonna think this wife of mine, I'm cheating on her.
And yet she is smiling at me every day. And she's offering me tea. She's staying up for me, she gets up, she actually prepares a meal for me at two in the morning, and I don't even eat, he'll come to you and say, You know what? I'm very sorry, I apologize. But if only you used your brain today, we taught to fight for our rights. I don't think the word fight is right. But the word fight explains exactly what we are doing. We are literally fighting. So the man comes, I know of a man whom five past nine, the doors are locked. You want to sleep outside? Yes. That won't solve your problem. He will say you know what, I won't sleep outside, I've got a better pelvis, the other side belonging to
another woman who's waiting for me.
If you want him to leave that woman, you need to do something you need to sacrifice a little bit.
True love
depends on how much sacrifice you have made for the other, a person will not love you until you have sacrificed for them. Look at the parent child relationship. Why is this so much love because the parents have sacrificed so much. The fact the mere fact that the mothers given birth to the child is already such a great sacrifice, that there is automatic love between the two to a great degree. If you are not prepared to sacrifice in your marriage, there is not going to be love. Love is not something you can shove down somebody's throat never you need to earn it.
And generally love is controlled by the other. When I say that, I mean, when the wife is very good to the husband, the husband loves her because she is good. There is something to love in this woman.
And when the husband is very good to the wife, she loves him because he is good, there is something that she loves.
But if you want someone to hate you, you just got to be very bad to them, they will say there is nothing. Now when I said this in the previous lecture elsewhere, I was actually told later on the Do you know what? There are some people who just love arguing and they love the fact that both of them argue and that's what keeps them together.
So the world is going round and round, to be honest with you. We are going upside down at the moment.
But yes, they are I admit sometimes. And I answered immediately I said Listen, my brother, some marriages need a spark. And the spark is nothing that comes just like that. You need to take two things, or two rocks, you need to actually bang them together and you get a spark. that spark is what some people call love, they say is their Spark, you know, that means that you guys getting on. So if they let spark comes by argument, so be it.
Some people need to raise their voice. Another thing we must understand, especially the women folk need to understand that the men
and even the men need to understand let me qualify this statement so as not to hurt people. Sometimes we happen to be working all day, we meet several people, we try to be good to them. And we have pressure of work, we have a deadline to meet, we have, you know some form of a problem
or robbery that happened, something happened. Now there is a little frustration in your head. When you come home, what will happen automatically you need to vent some of those frustrations.
May Allah have mercy upon all of us. So you might say a word or two what you need to understand. try and minimize it try and sustain and contain the the damage. But you might have to utter a word or two out of 10. The other needs to be understanding because the day they need it, you must also be understanding. The difficulty with the men today is they come in the house and scream and shout and they expect their wife to tolerate them. And a lot of the times the wives do tolerate him. But then there is a day or a few days of the month when the wife wants to scream and shout. And they don't tolerate anything. Nothing at all. So there is a given take here.
I don't mean one party gives them the other takes I mean both must give and take. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant that to us as well.
Another difficulty we are facing is sometimes we argue because of how we want our children to be brought up.
A female will say I want my daughter to dress like this and the husband will say not over my dead body. So she says well if not over your dead body. I'll do it over your body that is alive. That's what happens.
Now there's a huge argument and they are debating the reality we need to come to a compromise don't ever argue in the presence of your children.
Otherwise the respect is lost. Don't ever swear there is no Islamic permissibility of using a swear word.
Can I just speak about the children for one minute? Do you know that if you tell your child
stupid, it could just be a doula if the angels have said, I mean the child will be stupid. Do you know that? That is how dangerous this statement is?
We need to watch out don't give bad do as against your children knowingly or unknowingly. Don't pass bad comments against your own children. It is dangerous, it is a disaster.
Always be positive with your children. And remember that nowadays it's become more difficult.
We swear our children forget about that we swear each other in the presence of our children. What example have we said there is no excuse to swear? May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us that understanding. So we cannot be seem to be disputing regarding the children. those problems must be set and solved. Day one before you have children to say Listen, I know I'm not such a good Muslim. You know that you have a few weaknesses, but our children we want to try and bring them up in the best way and I'm sure all of us want that.
Insha Allah May Allah protect our children, Allah He I look at the children today. And I think to myself, these are the leaders of tomorrow, how have we prepared them? What answer Are we going to give to Allah subhanho wa Taala when he asks us about how we've prepared our children to take the flag of Islam, and to set it up, wherever we are, may Allah use our children also to serve this Deen and use us as well.
Very important. So let us not argue, sometimes we argue and the marriage breaks because of the dispute over the name of the child.
There was a case and I'm speaking from experience here, where the husband and wife had such a huge tug of war. I told them I won't mention the name because if the person happens to hear it one day, and I've had it
I told him Let me give you an example.
One was saying Mohammed Okay, these are not this is not the specific example. One was saying Mohammed the other was saying Abdullah, and the argument when so bad, and when they called me in, I said, Why are you arguing? Call the child Mohammed Abdullah? solve the problem. Call it a double child, double barrel, bigger problems. May Allah help us to solve our disputes. It's not a major issue. Put two names there. You call with one letter call with the other. It's not ideal. The ideal is to solve the matter and the problem, but it's better than breaking your marriage.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us and assist us and guide us.
Another difficulty we are facing is we don't know our gazes. That is effect.
And we don't realize that what bad effect that has. It has a very bad effect.
And it creates mistrust. Imagine you're walking with your wife, and you're looking around and she's watching you she knows what's going on. How do you think she feels?
That is why it is islamically incorrect to praise another woman
who's not related to you in any way in the presence of your wife.
Even if it is true and right and correct. It may hurt her.
That is one side of the coin. The other side is to the women folk. Don't let these things hurt you too much. Because I tell you, any problem you have the size of it depends on your brain
and your heart, your mind and your heart. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has said and I've mentioned this several times in one day, he made a do out for a lot to grant us protection from several issues. And one of the things he mentioned wamena Leah kinema to who we know be here Elena Masai, but dunya Oh Allah, grant us enough yaqeen that the problems of this dunya become easy and small for us. This means if you have yaqeen then your problems will be made small. What is your keen conviction in the mind and in the heart. So if you have conviction in Allah subhanho wa Taala your problems will be made small.
This means whenever you have a problem, your mind and heart can make it small.
Sometimes you have a woman whom the husband got home and saw her and she says Ooh, today I was sworn today I was on. And every little wise he says today I was sworn which means now we've had it finished piano has come
and you find another woman.
I hope this is not the case but her husband slaps her. This is also unacceptable. islamically
to her, it's nothing. I hope she doesn't slap him back. But to her, she she knows it's a problem. But she'll engage in dialogue and talk to him and say, You know what, please don't do this. Come on. You know, I'm also somebody's daughter. I also have a father, my brothers. I don't want to tell them what's going on here. But try and think for a moment. What have you done? Why have you beat me up? This is why I literally Allahu anhu used to say that we have netta, Katia in Accra, Maha. We're in a Baba Ha. Let me
get your daughters married to those who fear Allah. Because if they love your daughter, they will honor her. And if they dislike your daughter, for some reason, at least, they will not oppress this Daughter of yours. The worst scenario they will send her home but without having beaten her up and so on and so forth.
So we need to develop this taqwa in us and we need to develop this consciousness.
One more Hadees I'd like to mention before I actually recap on what we've said tonight,
and that is, when Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam addressed the earlier and the guardians of the girls.
In a hadith mentioned, by Asma Vinci, Avi Baccarat, viola Hannah, she says that she once heard the Prophet of Allah Salallahu alaihe salam saying, Anika Holy Quran alienvault hadoken al bao Carrie Mehta.
And I'd like to translate this in the following way. nica is placing your daughter
under the authority of another man in such a way that from that day on, he will have greater authority over her than yourself. So therefore, be careful where you are placing this precious gem of yours.
What advice is this, this advice is so vast that we can spend two hours talking on it. But the points I want to derive from it tonight,
those parents of
daughters
who have given their daughters away to others in marriage, remember, the husband has greater authority than you as a father of that girl. This is where also a lot of marriages are breaking. Where there is so much interference, that everything that happens happens according to the father in law, or according to
the husband's father, who's also a father in law on the other side. So both families must allow to a great degree within the limits of Islam, independence of this husband and wife This is where we are failing today.
I know of so many homes where decisions are made by the parents of either side, such important decisions that should be only made by the two.
We need to give them that freedom where they are going wrong we must guide them, but sometimes whether they have a double bed or a king size bed or queen size bed, why must the mother decide that? Why must the father decide that that is a decision you must give them the freedom to do it. They want to go for hygiene aroma and they can afford it and they they are able to do it? Why must you say no? What are the grounds Do you have a shadow a reason? If you do, we will entertain you If not, it will result in turbulence in the marriage and a tug of war.
That is a very important point. And for this reason, Islam has stipulated that when they are a new couple, they must be granted their independence to a great degree. You're never independent from the laws of Allah no ways but you must give them their free space or a breathing space do not interfere.
Sometimes the decisions are made by parents and sometimes these decisions belong to a generation that has passed. Do you know that in most cases, there is a large generation gap between those who are married our own children and us there is a 20 year gap 30 year gap they have now arrived at the age of the computer and we might be somewhere else so our thinking is totally different.
If we are to make decisions for them, there will be tug of war in the marriage and the marriage will break. And I must qualify this statement by saying especially to the women folk. Do not take your husbands away from their own parents in such a way that you actually drag them to a different city altogether and you make them cut relations with their own family. That is also a problem. Think of it islamically you have a right
to live with a bit of space, but at the same time if you are going to abuse that and take your husband away from his own parents
And vice versa, you will be committing a heinous crime,
something that is also unacceptable islamically where
this man has a right at least to visit to be good to his parents, to obey them at times he might be the oldest or he might be the one who is responsible, he might have to look after them to a certain extent. If you facilitate that the day you are old, Allah will facilitate something for you.
Believe me, by the time you get old, and you see the same problem,
you it might be too late.
But when you are old, and you find people who come to you,
your own children and offspring and the wives and husbands of your own children, and they look after you as though you are their own.
That is probably because of how you treated your own in laws. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the understanding. So we have a lot to say still, but I thought it would be healthy to speak on this topic because of the numbers of homes or the sheer number of homes that are going through difficulties because we don't know how to live. And because we don't even know why we are married marriage is not something that now I get married. A lot of young girls think this and the reason is, some of them have actually told me now you get married, you must go to Hawaii, sit back and relax. That's not what it's all about. You don't just get the latest Ferrari and the latest this and that
once you're married and you must, that's not the criteria. contentment is what you want. You must be happy and be happy with whatever you have don't want what somebody else has. This is something we must understand. Most of us don't even know why we marry. We don't even know why we have children.
Some of us have children and suddenly we find ourselves parents when we ourselves do need guidance. And all of us need guidance May Allah guide us.
Similarly I spoke about time I spoke of respect I spoke of how to treat your wife and how to treat the husband. Let's go out the extra mile and be good bearing in mind that the best from amongst us, the one who is best to his spouse or her husband.
If you want to know who is the best today whilst we are seated here. If your wife or your husband in the case of a female can say my wife is one of the best. Then inshallah even in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala
you will definitely be the best May Allah grant that to us. The Hadith says here Omaha Sinochem Allah, the best from amongst you, those who have best character and conduct. Now being good to your own family is part of good character and conduct but
our problem as the Muslim Ummah today, we might be reading our Salah, we might be looking Muslim, and we might even be giving our Zakah and everything, but come into the house, we are literally terrorists within the home. Our own family shakes from us, and they are fearing us. If this is the case something is wrong. We need to build our character and conduct inside and outside the home how we talk to people as well.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala make everything easy for us. May He on this night, help all those who are going through any form of turbulence in their marriage to solve their problems. Never bring back the past once your problem is solved. In order to solve the problem you need to put a cutoff date and say listen, tonight, we are deleting everything that has gone past when Allah subhanho wa Taala forgives us he never ever raises what we've done in the past. It's deleted and gone. We must learn when we forgive our own family members never ever raised what has gone by in the past to say but you know, one day this is what you did. That is all gone and finished. Learn to open a new leaf and
start a new chapter that is how you will be able to solve your problems.
So
remember, it needs a lot of sacrifice and May Allah grant that to us was Allahu wa Sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad Subhana Allah Subhana calama llama Chateau La la la la la
la la Vina Mubarak Hussein me ALLAH forgive our sins ALLAH forgive our sins Allah we've committed so many sins we've lost count of the sins we've committed yeah Allah forgive us through your mercy Allah, Allah we are no we know you are so merciful Allah you will forgive every sin that we've ever committed to Allah protect us from committing sin this day on your Allah we undertake that we will try our best to Allah we undertake that we will never intentionally commit sin you Allah make us strong. Yalla we resolved to do that the Allah helped to help us with our resolution Yama. Yama, we asked you to make us champions of this Deen Yama use us to serve this Deen Allah us all.
Children to save this Deen Israeli Allah. Allah grant us happiness in our homes Allah. Help us to solve our problems Allah Allah grant us the ability to live the sooner method of Muhammad Allah Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah we ask you to grant us children who will be the coolness of our Isaiah, Allah, Allah all those who are not married grant them spouses will be correct and who will be the schools of their eyes? Yeah, Allah, Allah all those who are married and do not have children, grant them children Yala. And make those children the coolness of their eyes Yeah, Allah. Allah the soma is going through a very difficult time Yama Yama, protect the Almighty Allah Allah protect you may
Allah the enemies of Islam guide them to Islam Allah soften their hearts Allah guide them to Islam Allah and use them once they've accepted Islam to serve Dini Allah, Allah if you've written that they will not be guided the Allah, Allah you protect us from the evil in any way you wish. Allah
Allah protect us from the evil yeah Allah if you decide to destroy them yeah Allah, you are the decider Allah. Allah protect us Allah protect this. May Allah protect our women, our children, our youth, Allah, Allah protect us from drugs protect us from alcohol casinos, Allah, Allah protect us from all the evils that are going on around us Allah, Allah help us to know our gazes. Allah help us to be content in our marriages. Yeah Allah. Allah help us to solve problems rather than to create any Allah Allah Allah guide us so that we can speak to our family members with the correct tonja Allah with the correct speech Allah Allah make us from amongst those who have a smile whenever we
walk into the house yeah Allah make us from among those who respect everyone in the homie Allah, Allah make us from amongst those whom everyone will respect as well. Yeah Allah.
Allah grant us honor and dignity in the dunya and Allah, Allah do not expose our sins yeah Allah. Allah we have committed so many sins you have covered us yeah, Allah. In the same way you've covered us in the dunya cover us in the ACA as well Allah, Allah we asked you to grant us gender with Mohammed Salah selimiye Allah, we asked you to grant us his intercession. Yala alone this evening Allah grant us acceptance and grant his acceptance in such a way that we become happy and contented Allah. Allah make us content Yama, Yama, elevate us spiritually Allah Allah make us closer to you yeah Allah Allah make us closer to you in such a manner that we can feel it yeah Allah make us home
amongst those who communicate with you on a regular basis. Yeah Allah make us from amongst those whom yeah Allah you constantly safeguard and protect Allah. Allah make us from amongst those whom you constantly safeguard and protect you Allah protect us Yala in every way possible. We asked you all the goodness that Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam has asked you and we seek protection from all the evil that Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam has, has sought protection from Yala until Mr. Han Allah. Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah all those who are sick killed me, Allah, all those who are luckier than your life you have not written cure for them and they are
terminally ill if you decide to take them away. Grant savaria Allah to them as well as to those whom they leave behind the day they leave this world Allah, Allah The day you decide to take us take us away with a smile with the Shahada on our tongues Allah. Allah The day you decide to take us away take us away in a condition that you are pleased with us Yama, Yama, take us away in a condition that you are pleased with us and grant us Yala the ability to answer the questions we will be asked in the graveyard Allah. Allah fill our graves with the light of Eman. Allah fill our graves with the noon of Imani Allah, Allah we ask you to help us in the era of PMI Allah we need your assistance
yada, yada we will be there we will be standing Allah your life you do not help us. Yeah Allah we have no one to help us. Yeah, Allah, grant us through your power and mercy and coudray Allah the intercession of Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam Allah, Allah we have heard that Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam will have a hold on that day grant as a supremity Allah. Grant us a sip from Holden Kotori Allah and grant us genda together with Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam he Allah robina Taco Bell Mina in the counter Samira limo to Ballina in the cantata, Rahim Allah all those who have passed away Allah grandma Veera Raja mother, Farah Grantham Jana as well. Hello all those who will pass away
grandmother as well. Y'all all those who have passed away from the previous nations of the previous MBR Grantham Gen as well yeah Allah. Allah we asked you we asked you your Allah not to let us go away today without being accepted yada,
yada except us on this EP Allah, Allah make us from amongst those who can feel that we have been forgiven Yama. We know that whenever we raise our hands to you Yalla you always respond to Allah. You have promised that you always respond to Allah. We know you have responded your love. So grant us the ability to feel that Yama
or Barack Obama in the country semiology Marlena in the country to overthrow him. So hanabi cabbalistic yamasa formosana Allah Mussolini Alhamdulillah