Mufti Menk – How to Approach Someone for Marriage

			How does one approach the opposite gender for marriage? And this isn't chat up lines, please chef,
		

			masha Allah,
		

			this is actually a very important question because today people complain, and especially the youth,
they complain about the fact that how do I get married when I can't speak? Well, I'm not supposed to
speak to the opposite opposite gender. And oftentimes, they are cultural barriers more than they are
Islamic barriers. In this country, you know, one of the places where we find the youth see each
other or get to know each other at universities, we're not talking about whether it's ideal to go to
university or not, but they are there you see someone you like you see someone you are interested
in. I think there is nothing wrong with you approaching that person striking up a conversation in a
		

			good manner. Don't use the chat up lines.
		

			Strike up a conversation in a good manner with regards to perhaps course material or anything, use
your imagination. And then when you find the appropriate time, express your intention, say I've come
because you know, X, Y and Zed, I have some interest in you. Are you interested? My interest is
based on Islam. You know, I want to I'm looking for Nika, etcetera, etcetera. So I don't think there
would be anything wrong with you doing that number one, and I say this because many of us feel that
I can't approach a sister or I can't approach a brother but in reality, the other gender is thinking
the same and they also think, hey, we can't and there's these cultural taboos, etc. Hold on, if you
		

			are doing it in a respectful manner, look at Musa alayhis Salatu was Salam with which Mufti
mentioned, the story of Musa alayhis Salatu was Salam. When he sees the two women he approaches he
says, golla Mahatma Kuma, what is your issue? How can I help you? And the end of that is that they
get married. So you have to take the steps. That's not the only way you can approach the uncles and
Auntie's. You know, they are those uncles and Auntie's in society, that are well known to match
people together, approach them, tell them I'm looking for marriage. And another barrier is that we
think that people know what we are thinking. So we tell to people and we say, I've told people, I
		

			want to get married, no, go to 100 people, go to as many people as possible, trustworthy people,
people that you that are in your circles, tell them look, I'm looking to get married, if you know
anyone suitable then suggest, so do your best. And Allah grant him goodness, my father always says
do your best and to Allah, leave the rest, do your best. And to Allah, leave the rest. As for social
media, and getting on to DMS, etc. I encourage you not to do this, I discourage you from doing this,
because you shouldn't slide you know, they call it sliding into the DMS. Why are you sliding in the
first place? You know, there's a negative connotation to that. Why are you sliding go knock on the
		

			door say this is what I want? You know. So
		

			there are apps today out there, I am not promoting one but I am saying they are apps that are
monitored by those who are above those who are higher in authority, etc. On the like the from the
management of the app, they are monitored. Those are safer options then going on to Instagram and
sliding into someone's DM. So if you really must then Bismillah use these apps and may Allah
subhanahu wa taala make it easy for you. This is a question that I've received many times and I keep
receiving. So it's a very important question mark and Luffy is like Well, can I add one quick thing
so I just want to say that perhaps we should involve our parents early on very early. Because when
		

			you don't you're bitten a lot of the times so even and watch it but I am saying is right that we you
are at a university you are working you have colleagues you see someone you watch them with their
Deen you see prayer time they're taking it seriously, such a lovely brother or sister you need to
open your mouth. And I would prefer that you actually spoke to if it's a girl, you can speak to your
folks to say you know what, there's a brother at work I don't I haven't even spoken to him but he's
really a suitable candidate Wallah. He if my child came to me with that, I would go and meet the
guy. I would take him out for a coffee I as a father would go and take him out for a coffee and tell
		

			him you know what, I believe you working with my daughter well, mashallah, you know, etc. Take him a
bottle of perfume and so on, and suss him out. And then you can pick up if he's really not what he
is you're going to do your research. The problem is when she's already developed a relationship with
her. She wants me as a parent to come in and rubber stamp a guy who's on wheat Come on. No
		

			Ways Yeah, I'd send him to my grandfather to polish his Tajweed first
		

			mashallah, I think if I can respectfully add also, you see any sisters if there's guys who are
interested in you, if they're serious and sincere, they will have no no qualms in meeting your
family in the parents know, they won't for a moment hesitate. 100% Because one of the things look, a
guy is wired differently from a girl. And the thinking is different. Everything you know, is I was
gonna say weird, but I'm a guy. So
		

			I tell you what, if if you're going to allow them to play with you, Wallahi they will play with you.
But if you're going to put your line and your barrier, they're going to respect you if they really
serious out of 101 or two might be serious. Trust me the other 99 A player's sorry, Allah make it
easy.