Mufti Menk – High Expectations of Your Children

			Salam aleikum, my brothers and sisters, when we have children, we have great expectations. And we
feel our children should behave in a certain way, be a certain way, look a certain way. And perhaps
later on we want them to achieve something we want them to marry the way we would like. And we we
expect a lot I want to tell you reality is you have to change that as time passes. Yes, we all have
expectations, but Allah has given your children in mind different capacities, they may never be able
to achieve what you want them to achieve. It may be possible, but you cannot put so much of pressure
upon them that they snap. A lot of the times we want our children to get grades, and they cannot
		

			make it let them enjoy their lives at school for as long as they're trying their best. And, and
still they bring about a result, that may not be the best.
		

			They're still your children, they will still succeed inshallah. So don't let it destroy you and
destroy them. By being too hard on them. We have great expectations, I know, but they may let us
down. Or they may not have the capacity, that God given capacity to fulfill what you're dreaming
about, that they should be fulfilling. Similarly, when it comes to marriage, we want our children to
marry a particular type of a person, they may not want that your dreams that you've had for the
children need to be adjusted based on reality. It's not just a dream based on something ideal in
your mind. You know, as time passes, you may have to adjust things, they may do certain things that
		

			are very embarrassing, help them, they may do things that are unacceptable. guide them, be there for
them. Teach them again and again. Remember, don't yell and scream at your children. Don't swear your
children that is prohibited. It is prohibited. You're not allowed to swear Be it to your children or
to others, and yelling and screaming is detested in Islam, the prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam never yelled or screamed at a child even once he never beat up a child not even once.
SubhanAllah Where are those who claim to love the Prophet peace be upon him? Where are they Subhana
Allah? Well, I do, I'm sure you do too. Well, then follow his example. Learn, don't scream and yell
		

			at children no beating up the kids not at all. Understand, teach them with goodness, with kindness,
the expectations we have of these little children, they may break things they may grow up, they may
fail a few times, they may not achieve something, they may lose the path somewhere down the line,
they may give in to a pressure here and there be there for them. The stronger the bond, the greater
the chance of these children succeeding.
		

			But Subhana Allah,
		

			some of us just don't learn. And like I said, especially when it comes to marriage,
		

			give the person they want to marry a chance, try and look at who it is. In the case of those in the
communities where that is happening, where they come up with a proposition, it's not wrong. It's not
prohibited. a male or a female from your children can actually come up to you and say, you know, I
have an interest in marrying so and so would you be able to take it further for me? Or can you look
into it? There's nothing wrong with that. It's not Haram. Some cultures think that's so
unacceptable. How dare you tell us who you want to marry? That's not allowed in Islam? Where did you
get that from?
		

			That's just a culture. That is redundant. Or it may be redundant in a lot of places on earth. Subhan
Allah, it's not Islamic. In Islam, you need to consider what the children are saying. The world has
changed. we've progressed so much. We cannot force our children to do things that they don't want to
do. We cannot. My beloved brothers and sisters, our expectations at times are too high. And yes, we
want the best for our children. But perhaps those children don't have that capacity. Learn to love
the way your children look. Learn to love your children just as they are. Keep guiding them teaching
them. Some people don't even like the way their kids look as they're growing up. Don't do that last
		

			test for you. is just to watch you to see how you react to the situations and the people he places
in your life. And you're going to go back to Allah and you're going to have to answer for
everything. It's hope we all have good answers. APU locally habla sobre la la Vina Mohammed was
Salam aleikum